I’d like to schedule and plan a snacker in Utah (probably SLC) sometime in Feb or March (or even April if those don’t work).

A Saturday would probably be best. I’m pretty flexible. I have no life. I know Blue and Artemis have some black out dates, so you two need to discuss and come up with some workable dates. If the rest of ya’ll want to come but have plans, please also share.

And just so you’ll be motivated to come, let me just say that the Idanacersnacker was one of the best parties of my life. There is no better company in the universe than the ladies (and gentleman) who gathered around Spuds cozy fire and ate ourselves sick on fantastic homemade snacks and talked until 6am. It was just that fun.

We really do need to plan a whole weekend, maybe in the summer, because one night was just not enough.

So far as I recall, we’ve only done one previous post on divorce. Quite a long time ago. And that more about the mechanics and doctrine of divorce in the church.

But I find myself feeling helpless to help a friend who has recently finalized a divorce with a man who was mostly distant and occationally cruel (I think because he is insecure. Isn’t pop psychology fun?)

Anyway, since the divorce she has distanced herself, not only from her more traditional Mormon friends, but also from me. She’s made new friends, changed her lifestyle significantly, lots of dates, lots of bars. She’s stopped going to church and so have her kids.

Basically she’s going through a wild rebelious thing right now. (more…)

Warning: Content of the post is crude (and funny). Also irreverent, ill-bred, impertinent, impolite, profane, smart-alecky, rude, and flippant. If crude (and hysterical) humor makes you uncomfortable or unhappy or outraged please do not read this crude (and hilarious) post. Nor bother to tell us of your outrage should you disregard this warning.

Stop now, I mean it. Seriously.
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In my last ward, we had a RS enrichment group - Gastronomy Group. It was a great place to eat, swap recipes and hang out and talk. Since we don’t have one here, and I love to cook, I thought I’d bring it to FMH. Gastronomy Group will take place every couple of months and each time there will be a theme. Today’s theme is INTERNATIONAL FOOD

And since I’m living in Vienna, and because it’s very yummy, I shall share Wiener Schnitzel with you. (more…)

2 a.m. Wake up from my bed and go into my 11 1/2 month old son’s room, where I can hear him crying. Bring him into that bed and fall back asleep. He falls asleep on the bed and then gets moved to the crib once he’s asleep. I am working on weening, and so trying to get him to sleep anytime, especially at night, without nursing takes a while. So, I just put him back in this bed, but sleep in it too because I am afraid he will wake up, I won’t hear him and he wall fall out. (more…)

Tanya Sue is a feminist Mormon bachelorette. She designs and makes jewelry, reads and plays with her 14 nieces and nephews in her spare time. In addition to working full time she is in the process (a very long process) of launching a website to sell her jewelry.

Recently a friend and I had a conversation about a study group we had attended. She has attended previously and it was my first time attending. The class was at one time an institute class, but for various reasons lost its CES backing. My understanding is that one of the main reasons it lost its backing is because there is not one teacher, but rather each member of the group takes a turn leading the group discussion. Since I get more out of a lesson when I have prepared it, I completely understood why the need for individuals to learn and grow by creating the lesson was more important than holding on to CES status.

My friend later related a story about how much another friend enjoyed the discussion. She told me that she explained to that person (not LDS) that this was more of a renegade class/group and that there could be disciplinary action taken against those that attended. (more…)

Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, so I wanted to offer a couple of alternatives to traditional Valentine’s Day rituals, things that your sweetie will love that are still eco-friendly.

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So. Upon hearing the other day that senator Barack Obama had officially entered the presidential race making him and senator Hillary Clinton the two biggest democratic candidate hopefuls, I had the though: “Would Americans rather elect a Black Man or a White Woman to the highest office in the nation?”
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When I was a wee lass, I was puzzled by something. See, I would look at the belly of a pregnant woman and puzzle and puzzle and puzzle about a baby fitting in there. I mean, the baby might fit okay, but what about the baby’s stuff? How on earth did the clothes fit in there, and the diapers, and the crib. And if there are clothes, then wouldn’t there be a dresser or something to put them in? (more…)

In case you missed the previous announcement:

Please join me (Lisa), Janet, and Artemis and Idahospud (our indomitable hostess) for a snacker extraordinaire.

Date: Saturday, Jan. 27th
Time: 7PM
Location: Spud’s house, Emmett Idaho (aka: The Greater metropolitan Boise Area )

RSVP to fmhlisa at feministmormonhousewives dot org for directions and/or other details.

(I have responded to all the emails I’ve received so far, so if you sent me an email and got no response, be sure to drop me another line, I’ve been having some spam problems. You can also leave a message on this post and I can email you.)

Most of you have probably read about this story, it having been out for over a month, but it’s one of those stories that my mind has returned to often over the last few weeks. The thought that ANYONE could do such a thing to an innocent child–not to mention their grief-stricken families–just horrifies me. I think of my own little Marigold and the possibility just sickens me.

And I wonder, how could this have been avoided? Besides the obvious (but apparently utopian) solution of people giving up such greed, arrogance, and seeming ammorality, that would allow them to see a benefit to themselves in taking those babies’ lives.

I am a feminist, but I am a pro-life feminist (allowing the standard church exceptions for abortion, plus “elective” abortion within the first month or so). (I am also firmly pro-contraception.) And I am against stem cell research that uses aborted fetuses that were not part of the exceptions listed above. But after reading about these alleged murders in the Ukraine, I wonder, would a pro-stem cell research stance be more likely to avoid these by providing more legal and morally overseen (we hope) avenues for the procedures, or would an anti stem-cell research stance be more likely to avoid them, because the very interest in and existence of stem cell research seems to foster this kind of atrocity?

I don’t know.

From Madhousewife:

I have a humble suggestion (very humble, as I wore out my righteousness yesterday): Could we kill this thread and start a new one based on one of the several good points that were raised here but lost amid all the civility?

Sure, why not? (more…)

I’ve been thinking, of all the myriad environmental topics I could narrow in on first, which would it be? And I haven’t been able to come up with The Most Important, really, so I’m just jumping in with a way to be nice to the planet AND yourself: CSAs.

CSA = Community Supported Agriculture (read more here) and the general idea is that members of a local community buy “shares” of a local farmer’s harvest before the growing season begins. During the growing/harvest season, each CSA member receives a share of whatever’s currently being harvested, thereby getting local, seasonal, and (more often than not) organic produce. The benefits include: (more…)

One morning early last week, as I was washing his hair, my husband said to me, “I want to die.”  And he meant it. 

It seemed at that point, after months of his hand being in a cast, and a newly-performed, surprise surgery (which put us right back to square one), that he would never again be able to do the one thing he truly loves most in life–play the guitar.  The strong, delicate muscles and tendons would not regain the level of dexterity he was used to drawing upon without thought, and it seemed that all that joy and talent was going to be hobbled by freakishly persistent scar tissue.  As I rinsed the soap from his back, I listened to him telling me (again, for it’s been a long and grim few months) how all his life, he’d had nightmares about something happening to his hands, and all I could think (again, for it’s been a long and grim few months) was…please, God, no…. Not again.

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Anonymous

I’ve recently learned there is a man in my ward who is
currently facing criminal charges for molesting his
daughter. My husband isn’t a member; I take our young
daughter to church on my own, and I am solely
responsible for her well-being while at church. I no
longer feel comfortable or safe at church. I have
made up my mind not to go to church until this man is
put in prison or moves away; but I am curious: Would
you continue to go to church - and take your children
to church - if you knew that there was a known
pedophile or a person facing criminal charges for
pedophilia there?

I just wanted to take a moment to thank John for his excellent and enlightening posts. I seriously seriously enjoyed the posts and the conversations they sparked. You are good people!

Just wondering what you thought of these (heh, heh):

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“Now if there was no law given- if a man murdered he should die- would he be afraid he would die if he should murder?”
-Alma 42:19

“Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing is bad?”
-bumper sticker

This is an issue that I struggle with. I find myself swinging from one side to the other depending upon which news article I have read most recently. I find myself philosophically inclined toward the idea that the death penalty dehumanizes us as a nation and that it is not the deterrent it is made out to be.

But then I read the news and hear about individuals who commit horrible crimes against humanity (i.e. Saddam Hussein) or cruel and unusual crimes against individuals and I wonder again if some people should just not be allowed to live. There is the horrible pain and suffering that is caused when one who has committed an atrocious act is set free in society, only to again inflict irreparable damage in the lives of innocent people. (more…)

Sadness is afoot. All the time, of course, but lately I’ve noticed it more. The popular expectation that everyone will ring in the New Year with frolic and festivity (and booze) contrasts markedly with my known world right now. One high school friend keeled over in front of his family right before Christmas, his heart literally breaking. Another–who I hadn’t talked to since he left both the church and BYU–died after a short struggle with pancreatic cancer. Cataloging catastrophe grows weary (but hey, for the sake of scope, I’ll just say that the grand total of premature deaths amongst people I know rose to 7 before Old Man 2006 exited stage left–I’m getting a bit agoraphobic, wondering if the scythe is propped outside the door. That’s 7 in one month! I’m wanting to force everyone I love to hunker down in a bunker, possibly in rural Montana). Thing is, I’ve always had quite the rosy view that “whatever doesn’t kill you makes you kinder.” Such a notion offers a nice viewpoint for those left behind, but not in the immediate aftermath. And I don’t really know if it’s true. I want it to be. I want to believe that even deep, keening grief extends a sort of grace into our lives. (more…)

You’d think that such small kids would forget one year to the next, but for weeks now the punks have been excited about MLK day. We get to march, you see, with the other crazy liberals. And this event sticks in their minds as note worthy. This morning we’re getting snuggled up, with layers and mittens, hats, and gloves. And once again the kids are asking, “Are we Marching to the Temple today mom?”

“To the Capital,” I say, “We’re marching to the Capital.”

Update:
We just got back from the march burrrrr! And I was just thinking, this might be a good place to share the way you celebrate Martin Luther King day. Ideas that I might need to steal. Perhaps service projects or fhe ideas? Anyone?

Seventeen years ago today, Jana and I kissed for the first time. Like many young couples, we were full of faith, in God, in the world and our place in it, and in each other. I was a new convert and a prospective missionary who was willing to sacrifice my family for the truth–my dad disowned me when I was baptized the day after I turned eighteen. Jana had LDS ancestors going back to the earliest days of the Church.

When I came back from my mission I proposed to Jana. We were married in the temple within six months (and spent a healthy chunk of our honeymoon there), and reasonably expected that we would stay as true to the Gospel as we would to each other.

During my undergraduate years my testimony began a steady slide. (more…)

(Trigger warning for some of the comments.)

I’ve been thinking about this post for some time now. When I was ready to publish, I discovered that this question about understanding depression had just gone up. I don’t want to dilute the discussion, so I rewrote this to focus specifically on eating disorders and self-injury, instead of mental health issues in general. I hope that any discussion of depression will continue on the previous post, and that this space can be used to address anorexia, self harm, and other similar disorders.

I found the following questionnaire on the Church website in a New Era article on eating disorders: (more…)

Short introduction: I’ve just moved to Utah for a job that my DH loves. I’ve lived in Utah before, but having lived elsewhere and then returning, I must say that LDS people are certainly peculiar which has probably been a post before and could be rehashed. Both of our families are closer to us now, which of course has both drawbacks and advantages, but for the most part we enjoy it. I stumbles onto fMh and have become addicted because I’ve needed good conversation and insights while enduring the shallow conversation of a new move-in. So, I’m new to the blog and perhaps you’ve discussed this before, but I could really use some insight and advice.

I started typing the situation, but thought that to be unwise. I will give the very basics, and hope that it’s enough to elicit helpful response. My MIL, who has suffered from depression for a long time has now come to live with us for a few weeks. She does not want to go back to her home where the two people there are just not good to her (though that situation is a two-way street). She will hopefully move back when at least one of the two will move out. (more…)

As many of you know, in the early days of the church women gave blessings to the sick. I had always heard rumors to this effect, but prior to reading In Sacred Loneliness I had assumed this was an exception for desperate circumstances, but instead I found that it was standard and expected practice.

I’m not entirely clear on the process by which women giving healing blessing and excercising other spirit gifts became taboo, it’s something I need study more. Anyway . . .

Keeping that in mind, here is my (true) story. (more…)

Idahospud has generously offered to host an Idanacersnacker at her house on Saturday, Jan. 27th at 7PM. (we could be pursuaded to meet earlier if you have a long drive or something).

Now she does live in Emmett, which is about 20-30 minutes north of Boise. So you should factor that into your travel plans. So if you live in or around south-western Idaho and/or want to travel here, come join us for snacks and much joyful gab.

If you are interested in attending, email me at fmhlisa at feministmormonhousewives dot org. For directions and/or other details.

If you would like to attend, but this date/time doesn’t work for you, leave a comment and we’ll see how flexible we can be, eh?

Also, our Book Club date is approaching. We are going to discuss The Feminine Mystique by Betty Friedan on (or near-ish) Jan 30th. (I’m flaky about these things)(and I’m supposed to be reading War and Peace, for the first time, for another book club).

Finally, I have One and plan to write One (making two) Day in the Life posts. If you submitted one and I didn’t post it, then I lost it (because I’m flaky like that)(you can send it again). And if you missed the boat, you can still send in your Day in the Life. I’m fine with keeping it going for as long as people keep submitting. Or has this series has run its course?

And as always, if you would like a Link, drop me a line.

This morning one of my coworkers ran out to help a friend who had a flat tire on the freeway. When he returned, he said, chuckling, “She did the typical woman thing and drove on the flat.” I chafed at this and pointed out the sexism in his comment. That sort of killed the water cooler chat. It left me spinning my wheels about the gender stereotypes all morning. (more…)

You know, whatever your opinion is of Al Gore, you really should see his latest big splash into the public eye, An Inconvenient Truth. It’s all about how Global Warming is a real problem, it’s a growing problem, and it’s everybody’s problem. I’ve heard and talked to a lot of people who get caught up about the messenger and how he doesn’t live a perfectly green life (the hypocrite!) or how he’s just trying to do this or that politically. Nope. It’s the message, and it’s one of those messages that everybody needs to hear.

It’s also one of those messages and causes that, really, should be one that we Latter Day Saints should be on the forefront of and we’re not. We believe that since Eve & Adam first set foot here, we, as humans, have been give the mandate to “take care of the Earth”. We preach moderation and responsible stewardship. We believe in proactively leading a healthy lifestyle. We even believe that the Earth is a soul, of sorts, that provides for us, grieves for our iniquities, and will eventually “be restored and receive its paradisical glory”. Not Heaven on Earth, but Earth becoming part of Heaven.

And yet we seem so maddeningly complacent about environmental causes. (more…)

Yes, yes, I know - I’m late in thinking about goals. Partly because, I don’t think we should only make goals once a year, but also, because I’m just lazy and not quite ready to try and commit to anything.

But today, as I was reading the chapter about the life of Spencer W Kimball (in the new RS/P’hood manual), I somehow drifted to thinking about goals.

I had already been thinking about things I wanted to be better at, and things I wanted to learn, and so I was spurred into collecting these thoughts and jotting them down. (more…)

A few years back, when I felt greatly estranged from God the Father, I began trying to picture Heavenly Mother. I’m not much of an artist (if I paint, it’s with words), but I sketched the following scene. I hope you all don’t mind if I share it with you:

Picture a young mother in a student apartment. Her husband is a pre-med student and in addition to carrying a full load of classes, he stocks groceries late into the night. He comes home late, gets a few hours of exhausted sleep before heading off for class the next morning. All day long she carries the newborn girl while chasing her toddler boy around. She is away from extended family, spends Sundays in the nursery, and doesn’t really know any of the sisters her age in the ward. She hasn’t felt the Spirit for a long time. What she feels is tired, alone, numb. She doesn’t know it, but she is also struggling with post-partum depression.

One night she nearly snaps.

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Think about the Mormon men in your life–your spouses, brothers, friends, sons, dates, fathers, bishops, co-workers, neighbors, bosses, etc. How do they compare with non-Mormon men? I’ve known a lot of good men, Mormon and otherwise, and other than the overt Mormon stuff (Moroni tie clips, short haircuts, and a tendency to come visiting on the last day of the month), I don’t see much difference. For the most part, they all seem to be good to their families, into sports and pretty randy. But I acknowledge that my interactions with men are limited. I wonder if you all don’t have a different story to tell.

Based on your experiences, are Mormon men significantly different from non-Mormon men? Are they more or less manly? Does their LDS-ness make them less deadbeat, more sensitive, harder workers, better listeners, greater lovers, nicer towards women, better nurturers, more fun on dates, etc., etc.? Remember, this is for posterity, so be honest!*

In the interest of science, you may want to include the ratio of Mormon to non-Mormon men in your life (e.g. do you live in Vernal or Vermont).

*Apologies to William Goldman.

I am currently facing a unique (for me) challenge. And I would like to pick you alls brains.

I have started teaching a power dance class in the stake center cultural hall (come, join us!)(Seriously, 6am Thursdays). And selecting the music is becoming something of a challange. I’m not naturally inclined to censor nor even to notice the lyrics of the music I’m dancing to. But I was trying really hard to be an uptight censor, mostly because I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable (it is a church building after all, and no one is making me teach dance there). I searched and searched and eliminated song after song for a swear word or sexual reference. I found some radio edited versions of songs that I think are great for dancing. (more…)