My fingers are going knumb today so I don’t think I can write much today (very weird, I’m actually a bit worried). But here’s a little nugget . . .

A while back a close friend mentioned something about her cousin or aunt (or someone, my brain is melting) who is a polygamous wife. And we started a bit of a “Big Love” ish discussion about the actual polygamists that we know, or are related to, or went to school with.

Personally, my connections are a bit distant . . .
Growing up in a small town in Southern Utah, I went to school with quite a few kids rumored to have come from “those polygamists living up the canyon”. (more…)

Three years apart, my older sister and I were as opposite as two little blonde girls could be–she fastidious and graceful while I was sturdy and prone to sticking out my tongue. Having had her way entirely in the years before I was old enough to interfere, she was all the more scandalized by my infiltration of the haven of her playroom–simply appalled by my lack of concern for order. Suddenly, her Legos were marred with tooth impressions, her Fisher Price people mixed with my cowboys, and her favorite Princess Leia action figure missing entirely (to be found holding court in my sand castle late the following spring). To her credit, however, she held up rather well, primly reorganizing the toys into their respective coffee cans on their respective shelves, and plotting her revenge. Which often took the form of her “appearing” to me as a “ghost” to inform me that my entire family had been killed in a car accident in St. George.

Ahhhh, sisters.
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13 years ago a random perusal through a Provo bookshop introduced me to Goodbye, I Love You, Carol Lynn Pearson’s memoir of her marriage to a gay man, their subsequent divorce, and her caretaker role as he died of AIDS. Reading it moved me deeply and prepared me for the many, many gay friends I’d meet in the next few years and who I might have approached with more judgment had I not read the book. In No More Goodbyes, Pearson returns both to the topic of homosexuality and to a format relying heavily on personal narrative, although not this time her own. The book consists primarily of vignettes told by or about gay and lesbian people of faith. While the majority are Mormon, Pearson reminds the adherents of all faiths that caring for each other is central to religious worship–and in so doing includes a panoply of faiths ranging from Muslim to fundamentalist Christianity.

The central metaphor with which she titles the book cuts both ways: historically, religious community has often perceived gay members as threatening and have thus “circled their wagons” into safe little knots which excluded gays and lesbians. Pearson asks her readers to reverse this practice by placing the former outcasts in the center of the protective circle while using love (familial, religious, etc.) as the wagons which shield them from aspersion. (more…)

In our first post addressing molestation the discussion focused more on current consequences. This guest would like ask about eternal consequences.

I turned 13 or 14 years old before I realized that most brothers did not do to their sisters what my brother did to me. It was not normal—it was abuse. At that time I believed I was partially to blame, so I kept his secret. I am still keeping his secret.

As soon as my brother left home, I buried my memories of the incest. I buried them deep. However, recent events have caused me to remember and ponder on those events. My older sister has been struggling with our religion and has decided to leave. A short time ago she confided in me that she was abused by a sibling. I was floored! We both suffered alone for all those years.

Our brothers are still active in the church. My sister cannot separate the abuse from our religion, so she is leaving. I still believe in our religion, but I have many questions. I want to turn to the FMH readers for a few answers. I know there are (many!) readers who been abused by a parent, sibling, or relative. I want to learn from them. I want to learn from those who have a better understanding of the gospel.

Can one opt-out of eternal families? Can I choose to be sealed to my family, excluding my brother? What if a father is the abuser? If that father goes through the necessary steps of repentance, can the child opt-out of that sealing even if she ultimately forgives her father? Can her eternal family begin with her and her husband?

I know there are many women and men out there who cringe at the thought of eternal families because one parent corrupted the very core of our gospel. On the other hand, I do believe in the power of the atonement. The abusers can be redeemed. I have forgiven my brother, but I do not want to associate with him in this life or the next. Maybe some families should not be eternal.

Please share your thoughts and insights. I trust that I will have a better understanding in the next life; however, I wonder if I can have a better understanding now.

Vienna - famous for its culture, its opera house, Mozart, balls. Vienna is a fascinating city to live in. It’s a city of contrasts. When we leave Vienna in the summer, as well as the operas, ballets and beautiful sights, I’ll also remember lots and lots of dog poo and lots and lots of human urine.

A city of class and snobbery doesn’t seem to care if their (many) dogs poo everywhere - they pay a dog tax, so why should they?! And they think nothing of urinating against any wall anywhere.

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I got pictures of this in a pass-along email and thought it was amazing! A year and a half and around 75,000 pieces of lego! You can view pictures here

Ok, all–play a little game with me! You know y’wanna! What are your 3 most despised household chores? Which ones make you want to curl up like a little hedgehog and roll under the couch, flee to Aruba, or even locate refuge in (gasp) a less-dreaded bit of huswifery drudge?

Here’s mine, inspired by the Herculian salad I’m currently making for a ward social:

Chores devised by Satan (more…)

MikeInWeHo made this comment on a recent BCC thread:

Would a lot of this go away if the Church just flat-out apologized for the racism in its past? Saying “We were wrong” is a lot more powerful than saying “That’s behind us.”

Of course, that would raise serious questions. Could the Lord’s true Church have erred so profoundly? If it erred, does that prove it’s not really true?

This is a subject I’ve wrestled with in the last 18 months a lot. That was when I had my first real crisis of faith. To some extent that crisis is ongoing, and this is a subject that I haven’t reconciled, and been able to feel peace about. (more…)

We’ve all heard it a million times. How this mom job is the most important job in the world. On mother’s day the praise gushes, in the Proc on the Family nurturing is given divine status, even the Young Women’s motto is now getting jiggy with the mom affirmation what with strengthening home and family and all.

God thinks I’m special and he loves me very much. I’m good enough, smart enough, and gosh darnit, people like me.

Yup, I’m special. Just like everyone else.
(more…)

This past weekend we spent time with some old friends. Now they aren’t the sort of friends that we are particularly close to, or that we even see very often [probably only once or twice a year] but we occasionally have dinner with them, enjoy their company, talk a lot, swap ‘how has your year been’ stories. They are at same point of life we are: their kids are getting older [they have two wonderful kids: a very polite teenaged boy and tween girl who gets along very well with mine.] They are fun to be around. I’d be sad, though not devastated, if we didn’t see them again.

But while we know each other pretty well, there is one thing they don’t know about us — that we are Mormons. (more…)

I started part I with the story of the Samaritan woman who met Jesus at the well. If ever a person may have felt like a pariah walking into the back of a pre-fabbed chapel, it would be her. We don’t deal well with divorce in our culture; we extend even less courtesy to adulterers. In her time she also belonged to an apostate sect AND had gender sitting in her demerits column. She could have touted any number of reasons for laying low and simply worshipping her Lord quietly from the sidelines.

But she spoke up. She launched right into evangelism central. Apparently people listened to her–Christ’s apostles, who initially found the Samaritan path and her place in it particularly noxious, even felt compelled to feature her heroically in the gospels. Maybe the joy of conversion outweighed her anxiety, but considering that caste systems held more firmly in Jesus’ time than in my own, I’m willing to bet that this woman entertained moments of concern. Likewise Alma the Younger, the Sons of Mosiah, and Paul all cavorted from one social pinhole to another, quelling whatever fears they felt and trusting that God and their love for Him outweighed all else. Of course, they also scampered out of Dodge to evangelize to Lamanites and gentiles–trading liminality in one locale for the other.

Let’s face it–sometimes it might be psychologically easier to depart a current ward and don a black name-tag indefinitely. Sticking up for our faith amongst those who naughty-mouth it lends a dandy feeling of heroic martyrdom, whereas plunking down in the same pew each week to defend the integrity of our own doubts, struggles, penchant for dying our hair puce or voting to the left of Pat Bucchanan can easily convince us that, even if we desperately want Mormon Community, it simply does not want us. Plus, angels have yet to knock me off my donkey in regards to, well, anything. Angels and conversations with the Lord might make speaking up a little easier. (more…)

Book Club

In honor of Women’s History Month in March, and Black History Month in February, we’re going to read Freedom’s Daughters, the Unsung Heroines of the Civil Rights Movement from 1830 to 1970, by Lynne Olson. Its blowing my mind, sisters. One needs to read about heroines often, I believe, and this book is packed full of ‘em. (Am utterly in love with Fanny Lou Hamer at the moment!)
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I’ve been alternately lurking and posting at FHM and around the bloggernaccle for the last two or three years, as Sue or Sue M (not to be confused with the illustrious Susan M). I’m a semi-spiritually confused but mostly active person who just keeps on trying to get through it. (Friends and family would be shocked to hear of my spiritual confusion, since I’ve always been a stalwart.) Reading FMH and knowing there are other women out there with similar views and concerns really helps me to cope with a lot of my issues – I’m thankful for all of you.

7:00: Wake up when 2 year old DS comes in, climbs on the bed and jumps right on my tummy, ouch. “Hi Mom!” My 4 and 5 year old DDs trail in after him, climbing up for a hug and a snuggle. My kids are usually up by 6:00, but DH typically gets up with them.

We lie around together for a while as I try to wake up. Sometimes DH climbs back into bed and we both end up falling asleep again. It never lasts more than 5 minutes with our little ones jumping on and off the bed and chattering. I get up and get dressed, then give the kids a bath and help them get dressed for the day. I’m not sure why we continue to try to dress DS – he immediately strips off whatever we put on him (if we can catch him and pin him down in the first place). I play around with the kids for a little bit, talk with DH, and just generally stall before I have to work. (more…)

We don’t really make a big deal of Valentines. I know I’ll never get red roses from my husband (he thinks it’s too predictable!), but we had a quiet, nice Vienna Valentines yesterday. I got him ‘The Magic Flute’ on CD. We had seen it for our anniversary last month - part of our ’soak up the culture of this great city while we’re here’! He got me a beautiful plant for our balcony, and cooked me a wonderful dinner. I got to go out to the movies with a friend, and come back to roast beef with rosemary, roasted potatoes and a surprisingly delcious sauce made with garlic, anchovies, mustard, parsley, capers and olive oil, he’d found in a Viennese Magazine.

Yum!

How was your Valentines?

by C. L. Hanson, “Letters from a Broad…”

It seems like I’ve been hearing this statement a lot lately, especially from religious people talking about atheism and/or evolution.

The interesting thing isn’t what this says about the speaker’s opinion of atheism or evolution. The thing that’s striking is what it says about the speaker’s opinion of faith.
(more…)

(Warning: I’m working on a resolution to expand scripture study past the musings already jotted in my margins. As a result, my thoughts on spiritual issues aren’t exactly well-refined at the moment. They’re in progress. Which so far as this post goes, is sort of the point. But just so you know, this is probably a bit of a ramble.)

Last week’s Sunday School lesson concerned the woman at the well. She fetched water in the middle of the day, theoretically to avoid those in her community who would ostracize her status as a 5-times divorcee living with a man without the benefit of wedlock. By choosing to speak with her, Christ not only converses with an adulterer and a Samaritan (considered apostate sell-outs by the Jews), He chooses her as the first person to whom He reveals His divine identity. My whole life I’ve heard people fuss over this story, and rightly so. But lately I’ve been pondering that Jesus wasn’t just showing us what a great barrier-breaking hippie He’d make or offering some patronizing lesson about extending kindness to even “the least of these.” The woman at the well starts the story on her community’s fringe. She leaves the well to become Christ’s first evangelist; she becomes central to Christian communitas. By the story’s close, she isn’t the “least” of anything. (more…)

So you all can know what we look like: (more…)

Caroline’s recent thread over at Exponent II got me thinking. She wondered what we are all doing or can be doing on a basic level in our own wards to help women in the Church. The question itself is a good one (and please go discuss it on her thread if you missed it!), but it was her answer–one possible idea for one small step in the right direction that we all might be able to take–that really struck me: a sacrament meeting once in a while devoted women’s history in the scriptures and/or Church. A meeting full of stories of women, delivered by women. And Women’s History Month (March) is perhaps an opportunity waiting to be seized. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a potentially very powerful thing, that wouldn’t be so very hard to achieve…perhaps.

We here on the blogs have a longer reach than we sometimes think we do, so I thought I’d use FMH’s reach to spread the idea to the winds, and see if it takes hold in any of you. If you agree that this is something you’d like to see in your ward, well…maybe all it takes is a polite suggestion. Maybe we all have more influence in our wards and stakes than we sometimes think we do, but just never think to ask. So…let’s ask and see.

To maybe make things easier, I’ve written up a sample letter–use it or not as you please!–to get us started. (more…)

6 a.m.: Wake up when the alarm goes off. In theory, this is when I will leave to go running.

M., half-awake, cuddles up to me. That sounds more appealing. I hit the snooze button.

7:45 wake up again. Cuddle with M. a bit, and we sit up and read together. We’re starting a new project - reading conference talks together in the morning. So far, it’s got some good parts. Downsides - we’re not totally awake when we start, and sleeping and snuggling is more fun.

8:15 get dressed, and check e-mail, in between waking up kids and herding them. Slept past family scripture study time again - oops. Now, barking out the usual morning fare. “Come on, get dressed. Have you eaten breakfast yet? Stop bothering your sister.”

8:45 miracle of miracles, we might actually get out the door _early_ today. Send Son1 and Son2 out to the car. Send Son2 back for his jacket. (8:47) Still, school starts at 9:05, and this is the best we’ve been out the door in a few weeks.

8:49 Realize that Son2 didn’t bring his backpack. U-turn. Drive
back home, and Son2 runs into house. Wait a minute. (more…)

I wanted to pass along some info. from an article from Mothering.com that has some concrete ideas for what you, the average, industrialized person, can do to help end FGM. The article is called Freedom From FGM and it starts off as follows: “Female Genital Mutilation violently robs girls of their physical and emotional integrity. And there is something you can do to stop it.” It’s on the newsstands now and, once the next issue comes out, will be available on the Mothering website. It is a very good reminder that “normal” people can help to end terrible human suffering, whether far away or near to home.

Anyway, the article referenced a couple of websites that you can use to help end FGM through education, letter-writing, and donations; including:

Action Packs: www.actionpacks.net

Equality Now: www.equalitynow.org

It’s going to take time and lots of effort to stem this cultural tradition (not religiously-based, btw), but to me, if something I and others can do that can stop even one little girl from being cut, traumatized and maimed, it’s worth the effort.

p.s. the author of the article has a blog here, where she talks about her experiences and has links to other useful & informational organizations.

by G,

“The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation… Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine who you want to be…”
-Neale Donald Walsh, Conversations with God.

Here I am at 33 yrs of age, still thinking about what I want to be when I grow up. Does anyone out there still do that? Obviously I want to keep getting better at what I already am. For example, I am a mother and wife, and I want to keep getting better at those rolls; also I am an artist and I am working to be a much better one. But while I have accomplished a lot and have a nice neat little package of “who I am” already in place, I really only view it as a good jumping off point. There are so many things that aren’t yet a part of “who I am” that I really hope to add as I go along. Some things may have to wait for years, some may drop off the list entirely as reality sets in, and I am sure new things will crop up as time goes on. Here is an example of some things that I want to eventually do:

-I would love to grow my own herbs and become proficient at herbal remedies.
-I would love to learn some homeopathic healing techniques.
-I would love to actually finish one of the stories I am working on, and get it published.
-I want to get back into martial arts, (Krav Maga really interests me).
-I want to be a triathlete (or at least someone who can finish a triathlon!)
-I want to become more aware and active in social justice issues.

I know there is a danger of living in the future, of not being fully satisfied with your present… there has to be a balance between accepting who you are now, and being driven to grow and change. Being able to live in the present while getting ready for the future. Loving who you are now, and being excited to see who you will become. This is what I am talking about. So taking that into consideration, here is my question: What do you want to be when you grow up? What do you want to do? And while we are at it, what do you currently do that you love?

I followed a sidelink from BCC and read an interesting article about giving children allowance. (or pocket money as we call it in England!) This is something I don’t currently do (my kids are 7, 3 and 2), but I think it’s a good idea.

The article makes amongst others, these suggestions:

• Start giving allowance from between the ages of 3-5.
• Maybe give a dollar (insert euro, pound, whatever is applicable) for how old the child is (my 7 year old would therefore get 7 Euros). They do suggest thinking about how much you give in relation to what you expect your child to buy with their allowance.
• Don’t tie in allowance with household chores.

As I say, it’s not something I do right now, but think it’s time my 7 year old especially, learns the value of money and to save for things he wants.

What have you done/plan to do with your kids regarding allowance? How old were they? How much do you think is reasonable to give? What do you expect them to buy with it? Should it be linked to whether or not they do their chores?

On my wedding day, blissfully happy though I was, I cried and cried…and cried.

I made it almost all the way through our small reception/luncheon, high on happiness and buttercream frosting, but as I watched my best friend and her sisters (all of whom I consider to be my sisters, too) prepare to take their leave to go back to a life to which I no longer belonged, the floodgates began to open.  Hugging my parents goodbye produced a veritable deluge, and reading everyone’s messages in my book later that night brought forth a such a storm of tears that my poor, newly-minted husband must have considered building an ark just to escape me. 

Of course, it only got worse from there.

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I learned the term “blog” from T&S’s Rosalynde. On day while I was at her house, she confessed to a “blogging addiction,” and as I valiantly tried to recruit advice appropriate for an addiction confession, she gestured towards her computer. Cue Janet feeling like an idiot: I sort of thought blogging must be some form of yoga about which she’d become fanatical. (more…)

by Patti,

Tonight while we were singing “The Chapel Doors,” one of my youngsters was playing with a “pirate island” toy. When you push down the toy’s button, a mangy pirate voice yells out one-liners like, “HANDS OFF ME GOLD!” and “X MARKS THE SPOT!”

Well, as we were singing, the button got pushed at the just the right (wrong?) moment and this is what could be heard:

“The Chapel Doors seem to say to me….. aarrrggghh! THERE’S NO ESCAPE!”

(Just found this one burried in my old emails, it’s a gem)

I am a 21-year-old, born and raised in the church in Utah, currently at a “prestigious” university in the South. I’m an active mormon, trying to be faithful and still live and participate in a culture that my family and friends in Utah don’t consider to be conducive to spiritual growth.

7:30 a.m. Alarm goes off. Hit snooze. Moan and feel sorry for myself for 5 minutes until the alarm goes off again. My body feels dead. Going to bed at 4 a.m. two nights in a row has sucked me dry. Roll out of bed. Put on some exercise clothes. Go outside and jog for 20-40 minutes depending on how I feel that morning…today I only do half the campus perimeter…it’s getting cold. I’m going to have to start going to the gym instead soon.
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Nominate your favorite Mormon Blogs and Bloggers for the Niblet Awards. Someone (Ronan maybe?) has even created a nifty new special website.

Unfortunatly I haven’t had the time to make my way around the ‘nacle the way I used to, but there’s tons of quality out there. You can nominate in the following categories:

Best blog:
Best small blog:
Best blogger:
Best commenter:
Best new blog:
Best post:
Best thing about the Bloggernacle in 2006:
Worst thing about the Bloggernacle in 2006:
Unsung hero:
Sorely missed:
Write in category:

Please don’t post your nominations here, but rather at the Niblets sight. However feel free discuss whatever else you’d like.

It seems that the pork industry is being threatened with a very vile threat, one that stands to undermine what it stands for. The threat is coming from a woman who is a work-at-home mom who sells t-shirts from her blog. The threat is real enough that They Who Represent the Pork Industry have sent this woman letter threatening lawsuit unless she backs off.

What did she do that frightens them so much?

Why, she had the audacity (and wit) to make up a CafePress shirt for breatfeeding moms that reads: “the other white milk.” Heaven forbid.

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A Little Tooth

Your baby grows a tooth, then two,
and four, and five, then she wants some meat
directly from the bone. It’s all

over: she’ll learn some words, she’ll fall
in love with cretins, dolts, a sweet
talker on his way to jail. And you,

your wife, get old, flyblown, and rue
nothing. You did, you loved, your feet
are sore. It’s dusk. Your daughter’s tall.

- Thomas Lux

May your daughters love a dolt or two (it’s good for the soul), but settle on a man who treats her well. May you rue nothing–even the cretins and jail-bound sweet-talkers–for you have done your best. May your daughters grow lovely and tall in your twilight, unafraid to gnaw meat direct from the bone.

This guest emailed me with a question quite similar to one we have already discussed, in which the guest’s husband was thinking of converting to Mormonism.

Here is her original question:

My very serious boyfriend is Mormon, and I am Catholic. I am familiar enough to know that if we get married, assuming he’s active and I’m practicing, that it’s a ridiculous can of worms. We can’t even begin to imagine what we will teach young children who won’t be able to understand our immense differences. I also realize that from many points of view, such a marriage should not even be attempted, but right now, I am mainly interested in positve advice, potential areas of compromise and the like, because I really love this man and I feel that I need to exhaust all possible resources before giving up. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

After I directed her to the post I linked to above, she added:

When I read that post, a lot of the replies were pertinent (and quite comforting actually). The main reason that my question feels different to me is because each of us have been raised since we were born in our particular religions. It’s hard to explain, but it makes the problem so complex because the cultural gap we experience is almost as if we’d been raised in two different countries. For us to really see each other’s side of a given issue often takes using someone else’s opinion as a starter, so I think I still would like you to post it. Thanks for your time!