The following was emailed to me as part of an invitation to a women’s conference in Salt Lake City, the same day as MWH’s Counterpoint Conference last November. In some ways, I agree with it, but in some ways I don’t and I feel a troubled disturbingness lurks beneath the beautiful facade.

I agree that some of the most important things we do may be, in fact, invisible, except to God. And that’s okay. But to actually be invisible to your husband’s co-workers? To be invisible to your children? To never receive any recognition at all that you’re helping to create something wonderful and good? If all recognition is inherently self-centered, why do we recognize anyone at all?

In fact, if most Christians would say that Jesus Christ accomplished the greatest work, built the most beautiful cathedral, so to speak (and they do), would they also say that Jesus was self-centered? Hardly. And we give Him lots of recognition. (more…)

JR is a friend of mine who recently moved to Charlotte, NC. I thought y’all might like this little story. (more…)

This blog has been incredibly important in my life. At first it was all about the much needed intellectual stimulation and working through my plethora of issues. I’m mostly over that. My mind vomit has run to a trickle. I could probably move on.

I don’t. I keep blogging. But the purpose has changed for me. Now it’s about community. It’s about friendship. It’s about supporting my sisters, feminists, Mormons, housewives, women in need of advice or a shoulder to cry on, and even a few that fit none of the descriptions above.

I have found so many friends here. Many of you I’ve met, shared my home and my children with you. Many of you I’ve never laid eyes on, but I feel I know you all the same. And many of you have only just arrived, or have never typed a single word here.

I think it’s time for a little catch up session. How are you? Who are you? What have you been up to? Any issues you need us to work through with ya?

Me? Well, not much really. (more…)

For all you movie fans, join us at Kulturblog to see if you can be the best at guessing who will win Oscars next month.

I get to caucus on Super Tuesday and I’m still not sure who to vote for. How to decide?

As I look back on the Bush presidency, I feel like there is a lesson in his failure, but I’m just not sure how to find it.

At it’s core, I don’t think it’s a failure of dogma. In all the universe there is really only one “issue” that I actually agree with Bush about (that being amnesty for migrant workers) but I don’t think his being wrong (because he disagrees with me, obviously) about everything in the world is the problem really. I think a different person, with a different character, or something could have believed essentially the same things Bush does, but just not have screwed everything up so thoroughly. Does that make sense?

So I don’t think it’s a failure of dogma or conviction, at least not mostly.

Which leaves I think, a failure of character, or capability? Or? . . . What?

If you’ve ever spent some time reading Bushisms, you can get what I think is the mistaken impression that Bush is a complete idiot. While he’s probably not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I think he’s probably a fairly smart person. From what I hear, he’s also a really pleasant person, friendly, easy to work with. I’m just going on instinct here, but I also think he means well, I think he’s trying to be a good person, a good President, or in other words, I don’t think he’s evil or corrupt or criminal.

So I also don’t think that Bush being stupid, or socially inept or evil is the problem either, at least not mostly.

I do think he’s failed. I think it’s his failure. He is responsible. I think it’s a failure of character, somehow, and I’d like to understand it better, so I that I don’t choose such a failure again. (clarification: I just realized this sounded like I’d voted for Bush, I never have. But I’d hate to vote for the failure of the future, though you never know . . . )

Is there a lesson here, how do we find it?

Go here to read about the funeral details for President Hinckley

I just watched the video of Tom Cruise talking about how Scientology has changed his life and how he is now responsible to change the world (with the theme song from “Mission Impossible” playing in the background).  

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Today saw the Area President here in the Europe West Area, Kenneth Johnson, engage in a discussion on the church on a BBC radio station.

Go here to listen (it will go into the archives at the bottom of the page after today).

Praise to the prophet

who built many temples

praise him in memory, remembered in joy

Humor gracing his eyes with a twinkle

cynical newsmen their snarling destroyed.

Filled with the laughter of nearly 10 decades

He was my prophet, my life he blessed.

God’s kindness give comfort to those who will grieve now

while you with your Marjorie eternally rest.

An inarguably dreadful poem, written in a few seconds between phone calls to extended family, but sincerely meant. God speed, President Hinckley.

In which Artemis attempts, with her Limited Skill, to explain some Unusual Things.

Where to begin, where to begin….

I guess I’d like to start by saying that my last post, the Waldorf Nursery post, did not turn out the way I intended. I wrote it late at night, after Marigold was asleep, and I’m feeling more and more that I did not write it well, did not represent myself well, and did not represent things in my ward, my parenting of Marigold, or the Waldorf Education method well. Sometimes I feel like blogging should just be blogging and not subject to a battalion of self-appointed editors, but on the other hand, blogging does make you part of a community and there needs to be consideration and understanding of both writer and reader for it to be a healthy community. Based on what I wrote, and perhaps more significantly, what I didn’t write in the Waldorf post, I unintentionally aroused the ire of a number of our readers. (Yah, I’m quick.) So I’d like to fill in some of the gaps. (more…)

So, DH & I have been reluctant to put Marigold into our ward’s nursery. She’s 17 months old, now, and soon to be “eligible” to attend. But we’re reluctant about the mountain of plastic toys and their relative disability to inspire creative play. (Plus they’re plastic. Yuck.)

Meanwhile, at the moment, there are 2 Primary Presidency members in our ward, me and the President. And, since the children changed classes at the beginning of the year and one boy moved out of the ward, there is now 1 little girl in nursery. She was in the foyer with her mother a few weeks ago, during Sacrament Meeting, and DH had taken Marigold out there as well. The girls were friendly, if not actually playing with each other, and the mother asked DH when Marigold would be turning 18 months–she wants a nursery playmate for her daughter. (more…)

Fatimah is one of my best friends and I’ve been begging her to guest post here from the beginning, I’ve finally worn her down. She will probably only read comments that I specifically forward to her, if I find them particularly helpful or insightful. (please make those comments!) The reason is the same as the reason she has been so reluctant to blog, because as a black Mormon woman, she can rarely relax, she is constantly explaining/defending her Mormonness or her blackness to someone. It’s emotionally exhausting to never blend in, to never surf by, to be constantly on alert to defend/represent your people (take your pick). She does this, beautifully, generously, kindly, all the freaking time. She just doesn’t have the energy to do that here. Lisa

Well another MLK Jr. Holiday has passed and as always I take the time to reflect on the progress and present-day obstacles of this country’s human rights struggles. This year found me no different than previous years except that this year I tried to explain to my 5-year-old son, Micah, about why we had and needed a Martin Luther King Jr. Holiday. (more…)

As previously mentioned, I teach the Gospel Principles class. I only have 2 class members (other than the missionaries). One was just baptised a couple of weeks ago and the other is scheduled for baptism.

In trying to make their transition into the sometimes very different world of the church easier, I decided to try and spend a little time each week having an open Q&A session and education into things they may not have heard/learnt about.

Last Sunday included a follow up question on Heavenly Mother from the previous lesson and learning how to use the Topical Guide.

I have a few other ideas, but want your input (especially those of you who are converts)!

What information do you think would be most useful to a new member of the church?

Living in Idaho, I have to say it’s very tempting to do nothing on MLK day except lie about in my pajamas. Even though I’d like to think I’m far more passionate on the subject than the average Idahoan, the civil rights movement and even African-Americans in general just seem so distant and separate from my comfy little soccer-mom world. Where did my passion go?

There’s the march to the Capital which the kids love and remember vividly. But it’s cold and snowy, and I forgot to buy poster board (and the kids do so love to make picket signs), and my pajamas are so comfortable. But my kids know it’s MLK day, they’ve been asking me questions about him for weeks, and they expect to March, so we March, and it was good. My kids kick my butt into being a better person, once again.

I figure we’ll do a MLK Family Home Evening. But as is generally the case, I’ve prepared nothing yet. I have this I Have a Dream book (with wonderful illustrations by African American Artists) that I’ll read to them tonight. They’ll ask me ten-thousand questions that are really hard to answer, “Why did they kill him, Mommy? Why did they spit on those people at the lunch counters? Why were the rules so unfair?” I suppose I should Google some age-appropriate MLK themed activities (after I finish this post and pay the bills and help Blossom do her homework). It will be good.

I hate that my efforts are so half-hearted, I want to be enthusiastic and prepared but I’m just so exhausted/lazy/comfortable/privileged.

I’ve been thinking for years that we need to create an fMh data-base full of FHE lessons based in values that I hold dear, diversity, and equality, an awareness of the wide-world and it’s many religions, and social justice. (Along the lines of the ones Julie Smith made for WHM last year) But I never get around to it, the constant battle between I care, really, but I’m too tired/distracted/lazy to do anything useful about it. How lame is that? Does a resource like this already exist? Is there interest in such a resource? Enough interest that some of you would be willing to write up some lessons (on your pet topic) to share?

And this larger question has been bothering me lately too (ever since my rant on the Insurance Industry and my subsequent feelings of helplessness to bring change) . . . how do we convert our passions into doing something truly useful? And what would that be anyway? FHE lessons might be a start, but I have to be honest that I resent the implication that raising good children is the only (or even the best) way for us (steeped in motherhood types) to work toward a better world. But then our time and energy are so limited by the cold hard realities of life (and motherhood).

How sick is too sick? (more…)

Here are the details.

Picnic at the Park
Sat, Feb 2nd
11-2ish
Freestone Park in Gilbert. (E of Lindsay and S of Guadalupe)

Bring a blanket and/or chairs to sit on and food for your family and a dessert to share if you’d like.

Freestone has sand volleyball, batting cages, a skate park, basketball courts, a lake with ducks, several play areas, ball fields, a carnival-type area with a train, mini ferris wheel, and other rides (they cost about $3 each).

Let’s meet by the sand volleyball courts, and if the pavilion isn’t reserved we can set up there, otherwise we can eat on the grass with our blankets and chairs.

Hope to see many of you!

I sometimes sit in church and try to imagine what it would be like to be a non-member in that meeting. I think sometimes they’d find some of the things we say strange. We Mormons have these funny little things that (I think) only we say. Our own ‘in-speak’ if you like…

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I posted this over on my personal blog, and had a very enlightening discussion about it with chandelle, lessie, mfranti, and bored in vernal. I thought it might be intriguing to get all of your input on the topic as well. (Actually, it was mfranti’s idea. blame her!) (more…)

So I was just reading this little article in Mother Jones by a young lady who is considering getting herself a Sugar Daddy. Lots of money, very little “work’. The big problem, of course is that all the Sugar Daddies seem to be gross squishy rich old guys (Duh).

She states that one of her reasons for considering this career is that she (and her girlfriends, some of whom already have a sugar daddy) consider themselves sex-positive feminists. But I’m having a hard time wrapping my brain around the idea that such arrangements are “sex positive” or in any way “feminist”. I mean, if you find this guy gross and contemptible, how is having sex with him sex positive? And how is a career that depends entirely on looking young and beautiful (a very small window in one’s life, I’m finding) in any way feminist?
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My mom came by to visit today. We were chatting in the living room and I asked her if she’d like some chocolate? It is, after all, a true sign of courtesy and respect to make such an offer. She accepted. I started moving in the direction of the kitchen, adjacent, while still talking to her. When I turned my attention fully to where I was going, I saw that Marigold had already entered the kitchen, full of efficiency and purpose, and was standing, pointing up to the high shelf where I keep most of the chocolate. She pointed and repeated, “ka-kak… ka-kak….” That’s my girl!!

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It seems to me that so much of the culture of the church is focused on the surface: How we wear our hair, the length of our skirts, the way we present ourselves to the rest of the world. Does Heavenly Father really care?

Growing up, there was a family in our stake that was poor. They had a large family and not a lot of money. The children had only a few changes of clothing. Week in and week out, they would faithfully come to church wearing the same 20 year old clothes. As a fashion-conscious teen, I was embarassed by them. I never said or did anything to hurt their feelings; and if someone else did, I defended them - marginally; but I also never reached out to them or tried to get to know them. The kids were all younger than me; so I excused my lack of friendship with a shrug of the shoulder and a, “Well, we wouldn’t have anything in common, anyway.”

Just before I left home, my mom told me a story that made me regret - deeply - that I had judged them so harshly. (more…)

Every week I teach the Gospel Principles class. Though the manual is in serious need of updating, I enjoy teaching the basics of the gospel to a small class of investigators.

Every now and then I find something that I just feel uncomfortable teaching. Usually something I’m not sure I believe or something I don’t think is doctrine, just opinion/culture. In this situation I usually just leave it out, yet I sometimes feel maybe I shouldn’t - I have an important job to educate investigators/new members into the ins and out of the church, and although I may not like some things, they are part of the church’s teachings. (more…)

I’m going to borrow a brilliant term from the Zelophehad’s Daughters to show that Mormons aren’t the only chickens when it comes to reconciling patriarchal language with modern relationships.  Former Arkansas Governor, Baptist preacher, and current candidate for president Mike Huckabee is a fair weather fowl when it comes to this thorny issue.  (more…)

I had a mini-argument with a close relative today.  The relative says that it’s useful to have and to use titles like “Bishop” and “President” to address each other as Latter-Day Saints.  I say that using titles like “Bishop” and “President” (instead of, say, ”Brother” and “Sister”) to address authority figures contributes to a gratuitous social hierarchy among Mormons.  (more…)

I sat at my mother’s feet as she made our clothes on the ancient singer and I always just sorta knew how to sew, so far as I remember. My dh’s dad is a mechanic, he’s always known about rods and bearings and stuff.

I’ve no doubt that should he desire it, he could take up sewing and make Halloween costumes every bit as cool as I (well, okay, no one is that cool, but he’d do fine.) And I’m pretty sure that if I got a burning desire to fix my timing belt, I’d be perfectly competent. But we’re both set in our ways, and I don’t much want to learn how to change my oil. So in this, and in many other ways, we perpetuate gender stereotypes.

Now I don’t know what it’s supposed to mean exactly that gender (or “sex” rather as the wording and meaning are a bit vague and sloppy) is an essential eternal characteristic, but I’m almost positive that it has nothing to do with pink thread or carb spray. And I also believe that rigid adherence to artificial gendered behavior (and I think a lot, if not most of our gendered choices are tied to cultural/terrestrial baggage) is harmful because it limits us (both female and male) unnecessarily in our interests and behaviors. And alienates people who don’t fit as comfortably in those roles as dh and I.

So then I wonder, do I need, do we (the comfortably stereotypically gendered types) need, to make a bigger effort to step outside the comfortable roles? It’s easy to do the stuff that I know how to do, to do the stuff that my family and neighbors expect me to do. But . . . If I learn some car stuff, and dh learns some domestic stuff, and our kids and neighbors and family see us comfortable switching these roles, while its not as easy or comfortable or habitual, will it open up the possibilities, even just a little? Make the world a better place?

One criticism of Hillary Clinton is that she is too scripted, too stiff.  She’s insincere, a phony.   The NY Times recently printed this story where Senator Clinton kinda, sorta tears up answering a woman’s question in New Hampshire.   If Senator Clinton did cry real tears, however, I bet she’d lose (even more) credibility as a candidate.   (more…)

One Mormon professor posits that maybe you should.

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So, in less than 2 weeks, we are leaving for our first flight as a family. For DH and I, it’s old hat. But you know those kidless couples who always scowl at you when you and your toddler get on and sit in front of them? Well, that was us. Now we’re the ones with a toddler, and I’m kind of freaking out. (more…)

I ran across this Outsourced Wombs editorial in the New York Times today. Basically it describes how poor women in India are being surrogate mothers for rich(er) women in the U.S. and ponders the ethicality of the whole deal.

I’m left feeling a little muddled about the whole thing. (more…)

I was just discussing with a friend last night, how much stupendously easier 3,5,7 is than 2,4,6. And I hear that 4,6,8 is the best of all. I’m looking forward to it.

I have said before, and I’ll say it again. Babies suck. (giggle) Sure they’re cute and wonderful and magical and miraculous. But they also took every last ounce of body and soul, just to survive them.

And now, they dress themselves, there are no diapers , and they never spread poop anymore. Life is good.

And even more than that. I like them, they’re hilarious, they’re generous, and they try so hard to please me. For a few more years, I’m still their ultimate rock star. They are the president, vice president and treasurer of the Mommy fan club. It’s really cool. But before long the only worship I’m going to enjoy (as it is right and proper I should) will be from Hero the wonder wiener and Buffy the slayer dog.

So I am going to enjoy these magic years. And I’m going to share with you the story that almost burst my heart with pride and joy and love. And you should share yours too, if you like.

My Blossom (7yo) stood up for me, when none of the adults in the room dared to, when I myself didn’t dare to (we bow to thee, oh fear of confrontation), she asked a person who was screaming at me, why she was being mean “to my mommy”. I know she’s only seven, but it was so brave, and so loyal, and I appreciated it so much. I am the luckiest person in the universe. Sigh.

A month ago I was resigned, I guess, apathetic about this crap of a system we call health care in America. I have crap insurance (crap-surance), but, eh, that’s life in the new millennium, right?

I’ve decided it’s just about time to cast off the cynical hopelessness and feel the rage. And now I going to spread the rage to you, dear reader.

Our babies are dying, and if our babies have the misfortune of being born brown, or poor, they’re dying in astronomical third-world numbers. This alone should have us screaming from the rooftops for change, for shame.

We let the politicians debate astoundingly stupid prescription drug “coverage” (from which my elderly parents have yet to see a single “benefit” beyond making them feel confused and angry) while they ignore completely the fact that the entire “insurance” industry is a huge steaming pile of shit. While they rake in millions of dollars of Insurance campaign dollars, while people bleed to death in the Emergency room, while shareholders get rich, and children watch their fathers die of treatable diseases, while the insurance industry pay bonuses to employees who deny treatment. (more…)