We’ve been looking forward to the IdaSnacker for months now . . . .

 But I’ve got a family emergency that simply must take precedence, so my home will be unavailable for our gathering.

 The IdaSnacker will have to be postponed–NOT cancelled–and we’ll give you the new dates as soon as possible.  There’s a Friday the 13th coming up in March that might be just the ticket!  In any case, I’m sorry to inform you of the de-lay of our par-tay. 

 On the bright side, you’ve got a little more time to get stuff out of the way like write dissertations,  give birth, spring cleaning, toenail clipping, or whatever excuse you were using to get out of next weekend.

 Stay tuned . . . . . .

By: Jon

I was told it was “Manuary,” and, therefore, a suitable time for me to submit something.  I’m from Alberta, Canada, I grew up a member of the Mormon church and am still very interested in issues related to the church and, especially, in seeing it become a healthier, more progressive community. 
Scott Peck, in his book “A World Waiting to be Born” states, “The experience of their home life tends to shape children’s visions of the world.  If they grow up in a warm, nurturing home, they tend to envision the world as a warm, nurturing place…Children raised in cold, hostile homes, however, tend to see the world as a cold hostile place.”

I found this helpful in interpreting my experience, not so much with family, but with my upbringing in the church.  My home had a degree of hostility and repressed emotion and that has surely influenced my and my siblings understanding of the world.  But unfailing love and support in spite of our familial dysfunction has seen us through some difficult experiences and has left us, if not with a rosy view of the world, with a belief that it is possible to pursue a good life. (more…)

mpb lives in Texas, has a JD/MBA and spends the bulk of his day doing JD/MBA-like things, although his heart resides in the humanities–specifically literature–which was his undegraduate degree. He also enjoys road cycling, indie music, photography, and film, but mostly he tries to figure out how to spend less time at work and more time with his wife and two daughters. This is his second Manuary post, but his first that directly addresses being both Mormon and male.

My wife and I used to have a running joke that I needed to find myself a “manfriend”. Even though it was a joke, we were kind of serious too. We would even sit down with the ward list and discuss potential “mates”. Much like my attempts at female courtship, in a “manfriend” I sought someone with whom I could connect intellectually, maybe by talking about books, taking in a concert or two, and seeing the occasional indie film, and from there develop a deeper relationship consisting of shared priorities, values, and aesthetic concerns that went beyond the typical Mormon male acquaintance. I already had plenty of acquaintances, but I yearned for a real male friendship with another Mormon.

I was manfriend-less for several years. (more…)

By: Derek

A couple years ago, I realized I know virtually nothing about my maternal Grandma. She grew up in Smithfield (Utah), lives in Ogden, has survived five husbands, had one child, and for most of her life has been only casually active in the Church. Fini. (more…)

I think I’m a pretty relaxed mom, but as with most modern parents, I feel a certain level of discomfort with the idea of toy weapons. The starry-eyed hopeful me says, can’t we all just hold hands and live in peace, the practical cynical me says violence is a part of life, and play violence is a part of childhood (even as adults, violence is a huge part of our story telling narrative). What to do, what to do? (more…)

Facebook Event Page

Please come for any or all of the festivities, times are mostly approximate. Children and Husbands are welcome.

Date: Friday, Feb. 6th at 7PM to Sunday, Feb 8th at 10AM

Place: Spud’s House, Emmett, Idaho

Friday:

Potluck starts at 7PM, stay as late as you like, or bring your PJs and stay the night!

Saturday:
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Years ago when I first started this blog (with the most scandalous “feminist” in the title), a friend in my ward was trying to express to me her concerns about feminism, and basically it came down to her feeling that a focus on women was unnecessary, not because women didn’t have unique challenges, but because men and boys were also increasingly facing big problems. And as we talked I sensed that while she didn’t exactly blame feminism for these problems (maybe), she did think feminism shifted the focus away from boys who are in great need. (more…)

DH and I often have deep, meaningful conversations. This was not one of them:

DH (after seeing a commercial for Grey’s Anatomy): Why is it that, you’ve got these shows that are targetted at women, and the female lead is always so weak and wishy washy? (more…)

By Ziff, Zelophehad’s only Son

I am thrilled to participate in Manuary. FMH is the first Bloggernacle blog that I read regularly, and I love it dearly. I am endlessly happy to see new commenters show up here and say, “I thought I was the only person like me in the whole Church before I found your blog.” You all perform such a valuable service in helping all of us fringe Mormons realize we’re not alone.

When I was a kid, I said a lot of dumb things. I realize that this isn’t unusual. But I cultivated saying dumb things as a talent. I remember that my sister Lynnette and I repeatedly argued about whether saying dumb things could be a talent or not. She would chastise me for saying something dumb. I would claim that Jesus said I was supposed to develop my talents, and my talent was being dumb. She would claim that being dumb could not reasonably be considered a talent. I would claim that it could be. And so we would argue, back and forth.
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Tomorrow is Holocaust Memorial Day and a debate has started on the future of Auschwitz. Some think it and important reminder of the evil, human beings are capable of and others think once all survivors have died that it should be left to ruin. Others have suggested demolishing it and building a memorial or something like a hospital symbolising healing. You can read two sides of the argument here.

It’s an interesting question. I’ve just watch re-runs of a 6 part BBC documentary on Auschwitz which remind me of the horrific nature of it and it’s one of the most prominent culprits in people’s minds when the holocaust is talked about. Can the lessons of Auschwitz only be learned while the buildings and therefore the scale of it still stand? Or is paying to keep it in the condition it is an insult to the memory of those that died there? Would a memorial or other kind of edifice be more appropriate? What do you think? (more…)

When: First weekend in February
Where: Spud’s house, Emmett Idaho
What: Sleepovers, Mormon Potluck, Feminist Quilting, freakin’ awesome happy fun time.

Book your flights, find your road trip buddies, get a sitter.

I-DA-HO!

Our Facebook Event Page.

More Details to follow. (for real, I’ll call Spud tonight, figure out the details and post them soon)

by John Dehlin,

Lately I’ve been spending a bit of time trying to understand better the process of “helping others.” I’ve been in a bit of shell for the past little bit, and I thank Lisa and FMH in advance for helping me peek out of it a bit.

One book that has brought a lot of insight to me is Parker Palmer’s “The Active Life”. I first heard of Parker Palmer from his Speaking of Faith interview found here.

Anyway, I want to share a few quotes that have really got me thinking about what it means (and doesn’t mean) to help others. For those with eyes and ears…let them see/hear.

===============

“”…in the midst of his realism, Chang Tzu insists that we must know and revere the nature of the other if our action is to be fruitful. This means giving up one of the most cherished but destructive myths of our technological society — the myth that all things are plastic, malleable, capable of being molded into any shape we require or desire. It is a myth at work in almost every sector of our lives.” (more…)

Apogee posted his story and made the assertion that sex (and particularly sexual intercourse) is a biological and emotional need for men.  It generated over 400 comments.  The general consensus among the female readers at FMH was that he was wrong.  They said that sex might be a strong desire, but that it really isn’t a true need.  Many readers said that a strong, loving relationship can be built even in the absence of sexual intercourse.  Given that reaction, how would everyone answer the following question:

If sex is not a “need” for men, why is the Church’s stance on homosexual activity incorrect in your eyes?  After all, it really just says that sex (and particularly sexual intercourse) is not really a “need”.  If you disagreed with Apogee and said sex is not a need for him and other heterosexual men, why would sex be a need for homosexual men?  (more…)

1. the smell (both the fresh-out-of-the-shower and the just-mowed-the-lawn-and-changed-the-oil smell)

2. magical Jar opening abilities

3. the penis. writing names in the snow is super cool, and that’s not all it’s good for either.

4. facial hair, the more grizzly adams the better. My dream (and it will come true, oh yes it will) is to be married to Santa. I also admit to being a big fan of stubble. And yes, even the mustache. But I’m sick that way.

5. the geeky stereo/computer/car/sports/science gear giddiness. It’s just so adorable.

Before school started this August, I got a call from our ward executive secretary summoning me for a meeting with a member of the bishopric. My heart fell– I’d just  been put back doing my favorite job in the whole church– teaching Relief Society, and I wanted to hold onto that calling. A couple of nights later, the bishopric member over the Primary showed up at my door and asked me to work with the Bear Scouts. I agreed, but not without letting him know I wasn’t exactly happy with the new turn of events. With two sons born five grades apart (the oldest is a Bear himself), I can probably count on having a kid in cub or boy scouts for at least the next twelve years, but I was hoping to escape any role within the organization for a good long while. (more…)

By: BobbieLoLo

I am Mormon and I teach Sunday School for older teenagers.  It has been brought to my attention that one of my students is Gay. (more…)

I have this kind of wonky idea that I’d like to introduce my children to some of the more difficult historical themes (racism, slavery, indigenous issues) through good children’s literature. But since I don’t really know what constitutes good children’s literature (my children are, after all, still in the board book stage) I thought I’d ask you for some suggestions.

In addition to books with historical themes, I’m also interested in books with themes that address indigenous religions or mythology. (Hey, all you Aussie lurkers, this is for you: Do any of you know a good children’s book about Dreamtime?) (more…)

You know, the song arranged by John Williams and played by the ‘classical dream’ team at the Inauguration? FYI, here are the lyrics to this old Shaker hymn:

‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free,

‘Tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

‘Twill be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gain’d,

To bow and to bend we shan’t be asham’d,

To turn, turn will be our delight,

Till by turning, turning we come round right.

Elder Joseph Brackett, 1848

Muffin decided to stay up until past 1 a.m., and awoke at 9:29 (which considering the 1 a.m. bedtime is also when I awoke). I grabbed him, bolted–safely–down the stairs, frantically fumbled with the VCR, and turned on the TV just in time to hear the announcement “President Elect Obama!”  and watch him walk into view.

Muffin looked at the TV, realizing absolutely nothing unusual, pointed at that handsome face, and announced “OBAMA!”

Bawling now. My child will not grow up in entirely the same world I did. Thank, quite literally, God.

(Also, he likes Arethra. Enthralled. Smart kid.)

Been crying all morning. I keep forgetting to maintain the cautious part of my optimism.

Whoop!

Cletus is the spouse of one of the fMh permabloggers and is honored to write this post for Manuary on fMh.

When I was serving as a full-time LDS missionary, one of my companions would initiate conversations with potential converts on the street by asking “Are you a religious person?”  If the answer came in the affirmative, the conversation would continue and we would sometimes be invited into the person’s home to teach the missionary discussions.  If the answer was negative or neutral, my companion would turn away with a simple “Thanks for your time.”

His approach bothered me because despite the fact that I had chosen to serve a two-year church mission and had attended church on a weekly basis throughout my life, I wasn’t sure that I would characterize myself as a “religious person” in a conventional sense.  And I wouldn’t want my philosophical clone to be excluded from the missionary discussions and ultimately membership in the Church because he answered “no” to that initial question.

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So I’m curious about what kinds of activities and FHE lessons and things ya’ll will be doing today (so I can steal them).

As for us:
The kids and I just back from an MLK rally here in Boise. We always have fun (burrrrrr), and it amazes me how much they look forward to making picket signs and walking down the street chanting. They talk about it all year long.

And might I suggest Mavis Staples’ latest album, We’ll Never Turn Back. It’s freakin’ amazing and full of Civil Right’s/ Gospel songs in Staples’ dark deep rich groove. And my kids can’t seem to stop singing “We Shall not Be Moved” In fact I can hear them in there right now, singing “Black and White together, We shall not Be Moved. Like a tree planted by the Water, We shall not be moved.” Makes my heart happy. And Staples sings one of my favorite versions of This Little Light of Mine (I used it as the warm up in my dance class this morning).

I also recommend this children’s copy of the I have a Dream Speech. With Pictures! It’s kinda long, but my kids still pick it for bedtime books on a regular basis. We’ll read it tonight for sure.

And just for yourself, I think everyone should watch the original at least once this time of year.

So share your FHE lesson plans, your favorite movies, books, online resources . . . how do you recognize Martin Luther King Day?

By Hugo Schwyzer

I’ve blogged at my own site for many years on many topics. Few subjects, however, are as dear to me as men and masculinity and the intersection between faith and feminism. I’m grateful to Lisa for asking me to participate in “Manuary” here at FMH, and for the chance to share a few thoughts.

I am not a Mormon, though I have had dear Mormon friends nearly all of my life.. And though raised in a liberal secular household just outside the San Francisco Bay Area, I became a born-again Christian in college. I have lived in and among folks who embrace traditional values and gender roles, and have learned to appreciate the strengths as well as the weaknesses that come with that worldview.

I recently wrote a blog about knowing the difference between “self-medicating” and “self-soothing”. It was written for people in various kinds of relationships, but is perhaps particularly applicable to those in long-term monogamous partnerships. And though both men and women can have a hard time distinguishing between the healthy and unhealthy responses to marital stress, there are some aspects of self-soothing that I think it’s especially important for men to start to master. (more…)

by Kaimi

Hi, I’m Kaimi, and I’m a man.  And I stole the idea for this post from my wife.

(But I have her permission, this time.  Not like the mashed-potato recipe that I stole for a blog post last year.  That one, she was annoyed about.  But I did have an excuse; I kind of forgot who made the recipe up.  That’s what we men do, you know.  We appropriate, and then we forget.   Who started up FMH, anyway?  I forget.  It was probably me.)

So, I was having a discussion (#437) with M., about gender roles in the church and in society and so on, and she said, the church and gender roles are sort of like pants.  And I said, huh?  And the more she explained it, the more it made sense.

The church provides a set of doctrinal and cultural ideas and value about men, women, and family.  Men preside, women nurture.  Gender is eternal.  Women are more spiritual.  Men have the priesthood. Women-who-know want to have babies.  It’s a pre-set cluster of ideas. And that idea cluster is like pants.  Pants in one size. (more…)

I wanted to thank fMhLisa for the opportunity to return to feminist Mormon housewives again, where I proudly lost my man card. I realize that the following topic may be controversial, and normally I would be reluctant to post it to a feminist forum, but it is Manuary, after all! [This is also cross-posted at mind on fire.]

Before Christmas, I got a call from my doctor, who for the sake of blog anonymity I’ll just call Dr. P.

“Sorry if I don’t sound too excited,” I said, after we had spoken for a bit.

“Well, John,” he said, “Not every man gets up in the morning thinking, gee, this is a beautiful day. I think I’ll go get myself a vasectomy.”

I love Dr. P’s bedside manner and his dry sense of humor (which I like to think he only saves for his special patients). His unruffled, low-key attitude has inspired my own approach to this life-changing mini-operation.

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mpb lives in Texas, has a JD/MBA and spends the bulk of his day doing JD/MBA-like things, although his heart resides in the humanities–specifically literature–which was his undegraduate degree. He also enjoys road cycling, indie music, photography, and film, but mostly he tries to figure out how to spend less time at work and more time with his wife, two daughters, and manfriends, the latter being a topic he will attempt to address later this Manuary.

A couple years ago, a woman I know was baptized in the Church. I knew the woman because she was friends with my father—at the time they were both corporate officers at the same company. Needless to say, she is an extremely bright, educated, and progressive woman. On the other hand, she maintains a certain reverence for faith and tradition, which is by no means necessary, but in her case it seemed to leave her more open-minded to the notion of becoming a Latter Day Saint. She is also a single mother of grown children, and a grandmother.

A year or so prior to her baptism, I had the opportunity to drive her to her very first sacrament meeting. Along the way I shared a few basic thoughts about what to expect, and why we do certain things the way we do. I later found out that she experienced a good deal of nervousness at the prospect of attending her first sacrament meeting. This really surprised me, as she is someone who regularly met before corporate boards, investors, and even the governor and legislators in her state, due to the nature of her position. On the day of her baptism she shared with me that our short conversation had gone a long way in helping her to understand the Church—something for which she said she would always be grateful and would always remember.

This week she contacted me to again thank me for that conversation, and to let me know that she would be receiving the endowment next month. (more…)

By: Ray

I was struck by something a while ago that I have been considering ever since. It is not unique or new, but the combination of three very common scriptures and my New Year’s resolution from last June to understand and become more pure in heart has put something into a little different perspective for me.

In the Beatitudes, Matthew 5:8 says:

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

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So, here’s the question: is the following t-shirt slogan intended to appeal to feminists and pro-feminists, or to anti-feminists? (more…)

By: Natalie K.

Per recent discussion on fMh about these issues, I was hoping this post, or another like it, could be thrown up quickly in the next few days. I’d say it’s related to Manuary, and I’d love to get male perspectives. Thanks!
All this talk of women and the Priesthood opens up a great opportunity to talk about how the topic should be presented to the Young Women of our church.

Teaching gender roles is a very complicated thing in church settings. While my feelings about the male-only Priesthood are complicated and unresolved, I know how I feel about some other gender issues – I reject patriarchy. This might make lesson 14, “Patriarchal Leadership in the Home”, a little awkward. But the Priesthood is more nuanced than “gender roles”. Doctrine is deep and established. And playing around with that doctrine is probably a direct ticket to some serious discussion with a ward leader about your testimony. (more…)

Just wanted to remind those of you who are interested to write to your legislator about the CPSIA issue.

The Handmade Toy Alliance has links to finding your legislator here (go to the bottom of the page, to How You Can Help).They also have recent press coverage on the subject here.

Write to Speaker Pelosi here.

Also, you can “vote” for it to a priority for the Obama administration here (and vote on 9 other worthy causes, but you do have to register).

Okay, so here’s the plan: I’m going to set up a group for Mormon women in academic careers, including those who teach in, or who are training to teach in, law schools, and for those who teach business or are pursuing Ph.D.s in the subject. I think, given the really unique professional setting we find ourselves in, we should keep the support group and mentoring functions within those boundaries. However, we’ll do outreach with undergraduates in order to encourage them to finish college and consider academic careers. (more…)