I recently listened to a rebroadcast of an interview with feminist icon Germaine Greer on NPR’s On Point. While the main topic was Greer’s recent book, Shakespeare’s Wife exploring history’s concept of the original Anne Hathaway (itself a fascinating topic for Shakespearian enthusiasts or history buffs), there was also some great comments directly related to feminism. Among those which seemed most interesting to me were:

•  Greer emphatically insisted that her goal was not “equality” (ie, trying to be like men or having the assumption of masculine roles as the highest goal), but instead she sought liberty, where women would be legally and culturally free to chose her own course–be it a traditionally feminine course or a masculine one. In doing so, she reaffirmed what is often asserted on this blog: that feminism is about choice, not a rejection of all things maternal.
•  Women should own their sexuality. Despite what some critics of Feminism claim, she did not encourage promiscuity; she was rather critical of women who are sexually active because it is expected by their men. But women should understand and embrace their sexuality and make decisions based on their own conscience, not external pressures.
•  Greer alluded to further advances for Feminism in the same sort of direction to which our own Lisa has pointed: a Feminism which elevates the traditionally feminine roles on the par with men, and which involve men helping take those roles.

The point which I found most interesting was that Greer appears to feel that the biggest impediment to the continuing progress for Feminism is misogyny among women, and the inability for women to truly unite and work together to further the goals and principles of Feminism. I found this intriguing because I have previously wondered why it seems that the most ardent opponents of Feminism seem to be women, from some individuals I know personally to bigger public figures like the Eagle Forum’s Gayle Ruzicka (in Utah) and Phyllis Schlafly, or like Anne Coulter. A brief exchange between a female caller and Greer further suggested that women tend to become jealous of and tear down one another rather than rallying together.

Anyone else listen to the show? Any thoughts on any of these points? In particular,what do you think about Greer’s take on the obstacles to Feminism? Is the greatest challenge to feminism a feminine misogyny? Is there something about the way women interact with one another which hinders them from advancing the cause?

OK, OK, the title’s a little inflammatory. Just go with me for a second.

I’m in the middle of re-reading The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf, a classic in Women’s Studies Lit and arguably responsible for ushering in the Third Wave of feminism we’re all so enjoying. It may seem obvious now, but when she published the book in 1991 it was almost radical. Her book talks about the pressure women face to be beautiful and the toll it takes on us, and how that is a tool of The Powers That Be to keep women in their place.

Wolf uses the term “Vital Lie” to refer to something that we as a culture buy into to keep things running a certain way. So it would be a Vital Lie anytime a colonizing power tells themselves that an indigenous people are “savages” and they’re saving them by stripping them of their land and culture and freedom. It’s a lie that is vital to the continuation of the power structure.

I plan on discussing this book more in the future, but she brings up something I’ve been thinking a lot about since I read it.

She writes: (more…)

I had never liked my body through my teen years and my early twenties.  The feminist in me is ashamed just thinking about my younger self, obsessing over every curve and dimple, complaining about my boney knees, my not-slim-enough waist, my big nose, etc. etc.

Motherhood changed that. Both of my pregnancies taught me to appreciate the miracle that my body is. As I grew a life within my womb, I came to appreciate my legs for their strength, my ample waist for the child that it protected. I saw my body as one of Heavenly Father’s many miracles. My body can do so many things. I can keep up with my two-year-old, sing him songs, dance with him. I can nurse my three-month-old and carry her around for hours on my hip. With the help of my sweet husband, we have made a family. It still blows me away to see what miracles I can achieve. Granted, motherhood made my waist a bit more ample and my hips a bit curvier. I am still wearing my maternity pants and hoping that I can put them in a box eventually, but each time I want to complain, I think of the gift that I have been given. I may not always like how it looks, but life is teaching me that what I do with my body far outweighs how nice it looks in a swimsuit. I want to use this amazing body of mine to mother, to love, to work, to help. I want to be an example to my daughter of someone who truly respect and appreciates the amazing gift that my body is. I want to learn to smile at myself in the mirror rather than focusing on the rolls or dimples that sometimes scream for my attention.  I want to truly appreciate this amazing gift that I have been blessed with

.
The picture was taken by my photographer friend, Kim Barlow (kimsrealportraits.com ),  while I was pregnant with my daughter. My family was playing on the beach at Carkeek Park in Seattle, and I think this image captures those feelings of gratitude that I feel as a mother.

Submitted by RJ

This photograph is part of our ongoing series highlighting images from our readers lives. Comments to the post are encouraged. In addition we invite you to submit your own images to the Mormon Image series. Rules and instructions, including submissions guidelines, can be found here.

Our youngest child’s was due January 4th, but she arrived two and a half weeks early, just in time to come home from the hospital on Christmas Eve three years ago. Ever since, I’ve worried about the timing of her birthday, and waited for the time that she would start cursing me because she’d want to have a party just as all her friends would be leaving town for Christmas break. Last week we threw her a “friend party” for the very first time, which coincided neatly with our first Christmas since moving to Utah. She invited friends from her playgroup and nursery class, but with a party two days before Christmas, I figured that about half of the invitees might actually show. Imagine my surprise when every single girl arrived at the door. We had a fun and chaotic couple of hours with seven preschoolers, and I realized something interesting about my new home:

Utahns don’t travel at Christmas. People come to Utah. (more…)

By: Heidi

Looking back, I can see there was a lot of stuff I never really bought into. I never fully accepted the church’s position on homosexuality; I never thought the priesthood ban or polygamy were commandments from God. But, there was one thing that I believed with all my heart — I believed that it was my duty and destiny to be a mother and I believed that motherhood would give me purpose and fulfillment. Of course, I still thought of myself as a feminist. I knew I would get my education and maybe work at some point; we even waited for five years before having kids. Still, I wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of my foreordained role in life. And, I wasn’t stupid; I knew it was going to be hard. As the oldest child, I had helped with my brothers and all of the children my mother cared for over the years. I was a responsible and reliable babysitter; I knew dirty diapers were involved. (more…)

By: Ms. Jack Meyers

Jack Meyers is a never-Mormon and a member of the Evangelical Covenant Church. She holds a bachelor’s degree in classics from Brigham Young University and is currently on her first year of a master’s in history of Christianity in America at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School. Her husband is an active member of the LDS Church.

The other day, DH and I had “the talk,” as in the “when are we having another baby” talk. (more…)

There may be a few of you around who remember this post from back in the day. I’m re-posting today (slightly edited) in honor of my Uncle John who passed away on Christmas Eve₁.

True story that turned out to be one of those maybe you had to be there stories, but I’m going to post it anyway because I typed it up and spell checked, and because I can, so there:

Back ten-thousand years ago when dh and I were dating, we went to the DI most everyday. (Don’t be jealous that you’re not as totally cool and exciting as me.)(for the NoMos DI=Deseret Industries, the Church’s thrift store)(Seller of D-Qwon’s Dance Grooves). (more…)

The other day, my wife and I heard a commercial on the radio which really caught our attention. Two parents were explaining to the meaning of Christmas to their child. They explained that Christmas was a time to focus on and build relationships. And the wife noted that because relationships are so important, “someone” should take the time to get a quality diamond jewelry set to reflect the depth of his feelings about their relationship.

My wife (whom I shall henceforth call “Luv” on FMH) and I glanced at each other in bemusement at this particularly clumsy ad. But really, we weren’t terribly surprised. “Every Kiss Begins with Kay,” or so we’ve been told for years. Jewelry is routinely marketed as the definitive expression of love.
(more…)

In the next couple of days, I’m hoping to eek out some time to write a little post about the health care bill (ho ho ho braw ha ha ha ha Christmas braw ha ha ha ha).

Before I even start this here quick note, please, if you are one of those nut-jobs who like to fling around words like socialist/communist/fascist when talking about health care, or who likes to draw comparisons between health care reform and the holocaust then go away, this blog is not for you. This is a conversation for people who like to use their brains for something more constructive than creating/perpetuating wildly unlikely conspiracy dooms day scenarios. If you want to be a nut-job like that, feel perfectly free, bask in your nuttiness, there are so many environments where your kind thrive, just don’t do it here. And moving on . . . (more…)

Remember this post back in September when we talked about how “no” means NO, and some commenters enlightened us (okay, well me, anyways) to the fact that our society has this idea that when a woman says “no”, she really means “no, well maybe, I don’t think so, okay” and it’s all part of the fun courting game?

I am firmly in the no-means-no camp. This Christmas season,  I have been extremely disturbed by one particular song that keeps playing on the radio (sung by many different artists over the years): Baby It’s Cold Outside.

If you are not familiar with the song, it is basically a man and woman in his home at the end of an evening together. She wants to leave to go home, and he wants her to stay. She says a line, then he answers, and they go back and forth throughout the song. Here are some of the more perturbing lines to me (her line is the first part before the “-” and his is the second): (more…)

Originally posted December 24, 2008. 

I should be happy tonight-it is Christmas eve after all!

In a few minutes, I will sit in the living room with my family and we will open one of many Christmas  gifts under our tree and later we’ll attend midnight services at  Zion Evangelical Lutheran church. (more…)

By: Heidi

I recently realized that, at the age of 32, I’m done with modesty. My epiphany occurred during a stake leadership training meeting while listening to an impromptu talk from my stake president. While I usually find him to be very reasonable and thoughtful, I found myself annoyed as I listened to him urge us to be “even more strict and disciplined with ourselves” particularly in avoidance of inappropriate music, movies, television and dress. Never mind that he was speaking to adults who had dragged themselves to the stake center (more than an hour away for most of us) on a school night for a three-hour meeting to train them to do more with the demanding callings they were already doing — no one was off the hook.  When he spoke about modesty, he said, “We need to do better. In every ward I visit, there is always some corner of the congregation where the brethren on the stand cannot look. And, this is not the young women – these are the adult women!” (more…)

This picture represents the fulfillment of a promise made 30 years previously.  When I was 17 my family relocated cross country and moved into a house across the street from his.  Reggie was a Catholic from Vermont, and I was a Mormon from California.  We were 18 when we started going together and 19 when he got baptized and we got engaged, planning to marry in the nearest temple (Washington, DC).  Sadly, we broke up after a terrible misunderstanding and did not see each other again for many years.  After being separated by 3,000 miles and three decades, grief brought us together again when my first husband died.  Reggie was divorced, and we reconnected and forgave each other for past differences.  We were married in the Essex, VT ward chapel, surrounded by our parents, brothers and sisters, all of whom were thrilled to have us back together again.  Exactly one year later we were sealed for time and all eternity in the Oakland Temple.  Full circle, we were back together, where we were meant to be all along.

Submitted by Valory Degree

This photograph is part of our ongoing series highlighting images from our readers lives. Comments to the post are encouraged. In addition we invite you to submit your own images to the Mormon Image series. Rules and instructions, including submissions guidelines, can be found here.

My shopping is done, but not the making. I have packages waiting to be sent off, but my Christmas cards are all waiting for their photos which Costco printed wrong and then tried to blame on me. I have Christmas trees up and lights on, but every other decoration is sitting in boxes strewn about my house.

Christmas stuff stereotypically falls to the women. How is your to-do list looking these days?

FMH is pleased to announce that Derek will be joining us as our first Y-chromosome carrying permanent blogger (permablogger). Eminently famous before now as the man most proposed to on any feminist blog (and yet he declines to embrace our polygamous past), he is a widely acclaimed coverboy of Tutu Chic Magazine, and has been serving as Bishop of the FMH First Ward since April 1 of this year.

He introduces himself thus:

I was raised in the Church, I’ve always been a bibliophile and a questioner, I’m married to a wonderful woman beginning her career as a budding architect, and I work as a librarian and a graphic designer.

Welcome Derek!

I was happy to find Kathryn Lynard Soper’s book, “The Year My Son and I Were Born” (”TYMSIWB”) in my library last week.   Kathryn wrote this book about her newborn son Thomas’s first year, and how she and her family adjusted to Thomas’s needs as a baby with Down Syndrome.  I had read bits and pieces of the book excerpted in blog posts here and there, and I finally read the entire book last Friday night.  I wasn’t disappointed. (more…)

So it’s seems it is time for us to get down to the business of helping the poor and the needy. President Monson said so.

We are pleased to embrace this call by getting baby Jesus more water buffaloes for his birthday. Please join us. We raised $1650.00 last year, I think our goal should beat that! (more…)

I think Lisa was really brave in putting up her “What’s your beef” post, and I’ve been largely really pleased with how we’ve all contributed to that thread. I think we’ve all done a good job of being mostly respectful and unbitter and still compiling a list of concerns. As Janet mentioned in a comment, these are things we’ve talked about in different ways for a long time, but this was the first time we’ve ever just sat down and listed it all out.

As Janet also mentioned, that post cannot exist alone. So now it’s time to address the flip side.

Early in the comments, new commenter (Welcome!) Grizz asks:

For you who are feminist and active members of the church … what inspires you to remain members of the church? What keeps you faithful, despite your frustrations? I am curious to hear what you as feminist or non-feminist women find to be positive things for women?

And then later Shannonj proposed:

Maybe the next step to this post could be how to deal with the issues and still remain active? I know I would love to hear from all of the wonderful bloggers and the followers on this topic.

Testifying is taking a big leap, so please be respectful of what everyone else has to say, and please choose your words carefully so that you don’t imply that anyone who doesn’t share your views is wrong.

I was just perusing through some of the spots where we often get random (and often unread) comments, ran across this question from a genuinely curious non-member that has remained unanswered:

“-a lot of the posts [at fMh] talk about the patriarchal and sexist attitudes and beliefs of the church and I was hoping that someone could explain what exactly these were.”

And I thought, hum, it would be an interesting exercise to compile a comprehensive list of feminist concerns with the church. Of course some feminists are concerned with some things and others with entirely different things, while some women have concerns but don’t really consider themselves feminists per say.

I think this can be a useful exercise, but I also feel a good deal of hesitation.

I don’t want this to become an all-out hate-fest or anything gooky and unattractive-like (yes I’m looking at you Ruby). I happen to love my church when it’s not driving me crazy, and even sometimes when it is. So even if you’re feeling bitter (which I get) right now for the sake of constructive conversation please unpack your manners and engage in respectful, thoughtful critique (there are other times and places appropriate for your bitter rants if you’re feeling the urge). (more…)

In the spring of 2008, I gathered with some far-flung friends for a weekend to talk, eat, discuss books, eat, and talk some more. I was also in the final weeks of pregnancy and found myself feeling physically and mentally exhausted (that’s me on the right, in the pyjamas).

This picture was taken as we sat down to share a meal we had prepared together. While the meal was memorable, this picture is significant to me because of what took place afterward: following dinner, my friends surprised me with a blessingway. One by one, gifts were presented for the baby: beautiful books, woollen slippers, a handmade nursing cover, a tiny outfit. My friends began with poetry about the strength of women united. Seated around my table, these wonderful women shared with me the stories of the births that had forever changed their lives.

And then, quoting from an undated Relief Society record, they read to me the blessing that, in the earlier years of the church, was often given to women by Relief Society sisters before childbirth.

(more…)

By: Sister Butterfly

I just attended this year’s Christmas Relief Society meeting. Our ward was split recently, and I the table I was sitting at was evenly divided between old ward and new ward. We started introducing ourselves, and I was last.   As we went around the table, each of the women offered nothing besides her name when it came to identifying her individually.  Instead, each said what her husband’s calling was, how old her children were, what her husband’s job was, what her children liked to do, etc., etc. By the time it got to me I was so speechless I just said, “I’m Sister Butterfly.” Something in me couldn’t bear to introduce myself as the person to whom I am married and the children to whom I mother, and yet some part of me feared there wasn’t anything else to tell. (more…)

“Proclaim the gospel, perfect the Saints, redeem the dead.”

“Proclaim, the gospel, perfect the Saints, redeem the dead…”

“Proclaim the gospel, perfect the Saints, redeem the dead, care for the poor and needy?”

I just heard this morning that the Church is adding a fourth fold to the oft-repeated three-fold mission of the church, to care for the poor and needy. You can read about it here. What do you think about the change? I’ve only skimmed the article and thought about it for about five minutes while throwing in a load of laundry and making lunches, but I think it’s an emphasis that will help keep the life and mission of Jesus Christ more present in our lives.

By: Anonymous Bloggernacle perma

We’re supposed to love others, selflessly, just like we would love Jesus. And that’s fine in theory, and I think I can want to do that.

But Jesus isn’t mentally ill.

Jesus doesn’t lash out at me because I’m a convenient target.

Jesus doesn’t use his intelligence, and his knowledge about me, to try
to break me down.

Jesus isn’t passive aggressive.

Jesus doesn’t hit me at my weak points and knock me off balance.

Jesus doesn’t hate himself and everyone around him.

Jesus doesn’t leave me feeling drained, like I’m living in a My Chemical Romance song.

Jesus isn’t a bottomless well of resentment and hostility and rage.

Jesus doesn’t fill me with despair, when I wonder if things will never change.

Jesus doesn’t hurt me, again and again and again and again and again
and again.

Jesus isn’t clinically depressed.

I don’t know why not. If I were Jesus, I sure as hell would be.

by: lache

Meandering through the aisle of journals in a bookstore yesterday I happened upon a few fill-in-the blank type family history journals. One looked really cool, especially for a lover-of-lists like me. It was a journal in lists which gave a prompt and then a space for you to write a list on that topic. For example, list U.S. cities you’ve visited, best friends, pet peeves, etc. I almost purchased said book thinking it would be a fun way to write (and read) a personal history and also jump start my non-existent journal writing. However, upon closer inspection too many of the lists didn’t work for me: drunkest moments, sexual partners, etc.

Being the frugal Mormon type I thought I’d just make my own. I envisioned 365 prompts which I would fill out in 2010 and at the year’s end I’d have a nifty personal history. But there’s no way I can come up with that many interesting prompts by myself. I was hoping the creative geniuses at fMh could come to my rescue. Will you help me add prompts to the list? You can use the prompts you like and get to listing your own history. It’d be easy to write the prompts into a blank journal and turn this list into a really cool and easy Christmas gift idea. You could even give the blank list-journal to a parent or child for Christmas and they could give it back to you filled in for a gift in the future. Hey, that’s a good idea! OK, here’s my start:
(more…)

I just got an email lecture from someone about the ‘terrible language’ you all are using here at fMh (she couldn’t possibly be talking about me after all).

I was a little bit surprised, I guess, I don’t really notice you all (couldn’t possibly be me) using terrible language. But then again, I tend to not notice profanity in general. People will ask me if there are swear words in a movie or TV show and it still surprises me I honestly couldn’t tell you, unless it is addressed in a hurtful way toward people, it just doesn’t even register on my brain. Which I’m sure is going to prompt a certain contingency to conclude that I am desensitized. Could be, or it could be that I’m too laid-back and/or lazy to worry about it.

Though I am personally not much a user of profanity, (an occasional ‘that sucks’ when I find out Firefly has been canceled after only 14 episodes, or a ’shit’ after taking a pan out of a hot oven without a hotpad) I also have never really ‘got’ what the big deal is about. (again, unless it’s being directed in a hurtful way toward someone) I don’t get the morality component, you know, where’s the harm? (more…)

By: StillConfused

StillConfused is a regular stalker here at fMh.  She is Virginia bred and Utah living and runs a post crisis education center for women, among other things.

Recently, fMh Lisa wrote an article entitled “Oh Shut Up Already” which discussed some of the early happenings of the Church.  From a link therein, I came across and am currently reading Ann Eliza Snow’s book detailing her experiences with the early Church.  My desire is not so much to critique what she recounts as none of us were alive then.  My desire is to say that IF those things were true, could they happen today? (more…)

It’s Christmas, almost, and in honor of the season we at fMh would like to hear from you; your deeply personal or profound reflections on this time of year.

Since I’m a perma and have the power I’ll start with something way too easy - a link to a not-so-good youtube video of an amazing and transformative version of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

Enjoy,

A weeks ago, DH and I went out to dinner at the little neighborhood grill around the corner. We’d planned to go see The Blind Side after dinner, but it was opening weekend and after being told at two theaters that the show was sold out, we gave up. Ever since our dating years, browsing the shelves at Barnes and Noble has been our default nightcap after a good date, but that night I was eager to broaden his horizons a bit, so I took him to The King’s English, which has become my very favorite place to kill an hour since we moved to Salt Lake this summer. I love everything about Salt Lake’s premier independent bookseller: the staff is friendly and knows their books, the newsletter is chock-full of great recommendations, the store is totally charming with rooms that lead into other rooms and little hidden spaces to sit down and read, they bring in great authors to give readings, and the place has a great vibe. As someone who’s harbored a secret desire to work in a bookshop since childhood, working at The King’s English would be a dream come true. They wouldn’t even have to pay me. If they did, I’m sure the money would just go back into books anyway.

So we spent an hour “browsing,” which turned into matching up books to names on our long Christmas shopping list. “Shelah, can we get out of here?,” he finally asked. We went to the counter, handed over the books, and held our breath as the total was tallied. Despite the sticker shock, I had a smile on my face as the cashier (more than just a cashier, a teacher who gave me great recommendations on what my fourth-grade son would want to read) slid the books into a brown paper bag, and we walked out to the car. (more…)

This photo captures an amazing milestone in my life.  After my third child turned one, I thirsted for a new challenge…one that was all about me.  Something, other than being mother, that would challenge me both pysically and mentally.  With two kids on bikes and one in a jogger stroller, I began training for Adventure Races.  During my journey, I was humbled by my physical limitations at the same time I was empowered by the amazing things my body could do.  In our fourth hour of racing I found the inner strength I gained from bearing three children naturally. That is what carried me through the finish line. This picture gives me great strength as I have a friend on either side of me. We are three mothers working together for the same purpose…to be outstanding, because we know that is how you raise outstanding children.

Submitted by Hilary Johnson

This photograph is part of our ongoing series highlighting images from our readers lives. Comments to the post are encouraged. In addition we invite you to submit your own images to the Mormon Image series. Rules and instructions, including submissions guidelines, can be found here.

I’ve been thinking for a long time that I’d like to make (and have) a list of links that we can use as resources in our various callings. But it always seems like too much work to figure out where all the good stuff is for the many callings we all fulfill. But then it occurred to me that I don’t need to reinvent the wheel when I have so many smart readers who’ve already found all the good stuff. So share. Hand over the links to sites that have helped you in your callings, be it Sunday School, Young Womens, Activities Director, Primary, Activity Days, or Scouts.

I’ll Start:

Beginnings New, the best source for YW Leaders on the internets.

And The always great but somewhat sporadic RS Lessons at Exponent II.