By the time I got out the door this morning, headed to the grocery store to pick up a few things for this afternoon’s backyard picnic, our neighborhood was already dressed up for the holiday. American flags were everywhere– in windows, on flagpoles, and in front of about half of the houses, identical versions of Stars and Stripes hanging at rakish angles in front yards. If you were visiting Salt Lake from parts outside of the Jello Belt, you might chalk the identical flag thing up to coincidence or a great sale at Wal-Mart (or advertising– in our last neighborhood a local realtor put flags in every yard for the 4th of July) but if you’re from these parts, you know that subscribing to the Boy Scout flag service says something as loudly and clearly as nailing up a Mezuzah or displaying a Virgin Mary lawn ornament. Almost without exception (at least on the four streets of the ward I drove on as I went to the store) the Mormons had the flags, the non-Mormons didn’t.

While I appreciate the chance to fly a flag for very little effort, and acknowledge grudgingly that the Scouts are doing more real service with this fundraiser than, say, a bake sale where their moms actually bake the treats, the whole Mo/non-Mo divide presented so visually makes me cringe instead of feel proud to be an American as I drive down the street on these patriotic holidays (and for the record, I know that the Scouts knock on all of the doors of the neighborhood, so I’m not sure why the dichotomy exists so clearly). Before moving to Salt Lake, I’d heard that there was some tension between the Mormon and non-Mormon residents of the valley, and while I haven’t experienced that personally very often, I can see how the flags might add fuel to the fire.

I also think that we, as Mormons, tend to appropriate the symbol of the flag into our religious identity more than others (maybe because we lack other visual symbols, like the cross). Yesterday, like most Sunday mornings, my husband (who has a crush on Mack Wilberg extending back to our freshman year of college when he sang in BYU’s Men’s Chorus) watched Music and the Spoken Word, and I was struck with the way that right after Lloyd Newell said that the choir would be singing sacred hymns they launched into “America the Beautiful” and showed plenty of flags and American servicemen and women. I know that the choir doesn’t solely sing hymns (and yesterday’s broadcast even had some pretty muscular handbells!) but I think that sometimes we blend the line between patriotic songs and sacred hymns, and for that matter, patriotism and religion.

This is the talk I gave in Sacrament meeting today. My husband followed with his own talk on the same topic. I don’t know that anyone else will remember this talk tomorrow morning, but it was life-changing for me to put it together.

Good morning brothers and sisters. Today I am speaking about something I personally struggle with. I’ve been thinking about it all morning as I’ve been trying to get to church on time and my kids keep pooping. Poop, poop, poop - that’s been my morning. I’ve changed four poopy diapers in the past hour.

My topic is to find joy in the journey. (more…)

By: pdig

I have a problem with balance. I tend to overdo certain things, setting close to impossible goals for myself. I feel like a goal is never ‘good enough’ unless it is out of reach. I’m sure a lot of you have felt what I am talking about - having an eye always wandering over to ‘the best’. I’m not saying there are not times that setting intermediate goals are not a good idea, like steps on a path. What I want to talk about it the kind of expectations that hinder positive growth.

The place that I am running into the worst trouble is when it comes to faith. I understand that a testimony is something we are meant to continually work on. I catch myself thinking things like ‘your testimony can never be too strong’, which sounds positive, but has a negative double meaning to me. I am terrified of doubt. (more…)

This year has seen a big ramping up of my anxiety and OCD. A lot of external factors has made it harder to cope with my disorder, so it’s already been on my mind, but then a confluence of media has me thinking of something lately.

I came across this article which summarizes a new study about a link between healthy creative people and schizophrenia. (more…)

HeatherP’s previous summary of Chapter Four is here.
This chapter is a collection of excerpts from the Woman’s Exponent, Exponent II, the Alice Louise Reynold/Algie Ballif Forum, Mormons for ERA, the BYU Women’s Research Institute, and the Mormon Women’s Forum newsletter.  It offers a great historical perspective, and is one of our favorite chapter’s so far.  We really enjoyed reading these and following the time line of events as they’ve occurred throughout women’s history, from the beginning of the Church until now.   Isn’t it amazing how much the issues remain as they ever were?  The geography doesn’t seem to change much over time for the good, and the bad.   (more…)

How much money do you spend during an average day?

I recently came across an article at the Huffington Post about freezing your spending for an entire day. The title was “24 Hours Without Spending Any Money…In New York City” and it was written by a woman, Alexa von Tobel, who lives in Manhattan and is the CEO of a financial advising firm.

I wanted to link to the article, but HufPo appears to have taken it down. I’m not too surprised they did; the article was an embarrassment. I did find an interesting response to it here, filled with quite a bit of vitriol. And, as that response links to, you can check out the angry rantings of other readers here.

This author got slammed for her article. It was really terrible. After reading the first little bit, with really highly raised eyebrows, I wondered if it was perhaps meant as satire.

What would be it like to go a day without spending any money? I’ve thought about this before but I’ve never considered actually trying it. I couldn’t imagine going a day without spending a single penny — is that even possible?

Her awe-inspiring obliviousness to the daily grind of the vast majority of Americans was a little bit breathtaking. (more…)

So remember that tense, emotional, impassioned time of year when everyone starts screaming for the favorites and trashing their opponents and dogging on anyone who disagrees?

Yeah, the Niblets?

Well, Bloggernacle Times has started accepting nominations for Niblet awards throughout the year, so that it’s easier to remember what you loved come next January.

Show fMh some love, and go mention your favorite posts.

I was walking into the grocery store this weekend when I was stopped by a man who wanted me to sign his petition. It was to put the Green Party on the ballot (for some upcoming election - I’m not sure exactly what).

Now, I’m not sure I would ever vote for a Green Party member. I know the Green Party presidential candidate in 2008 was Cynthia McKinney, and I would not have voted for her, but does the Green Party deserve to be represented on the ballot? I think so. I may not agree with the positions of the person running for office, but I would love to hear her or him present their ideas in a debate. I believe in democracy and free expression of ideas.

So, I signed the petition. (more…)

DH and I have been asked to speak in Sacrament meeting next Sunday. The reason we were asked is that we are (supposed to be) moving soon (just as soon as he finds a job and we sell our house).

Anyways, we were told we can speak on any topic we want. Bwaaahaaaahaaaa! The power! The control! The opportunity to preach the philosophies of Stephanie (mingled with scripture). (Just kidding - kind of)

So I am wondering. If you could speak on any topic you want in Sacrament meeting, what would you choose? And what would you say about it?

A large part of what we do on this site is share our dreams about how we wish the church could be different. Many women and men alike have found hurt and isolation in a church where they expected to find hope and love. This is not a post about the various problems and complaints. This is a post about the question that pops up in so many threads……

What is there to do about it? What are approaches that are actually meaningful for creating change in the church? (more…)

I’ve been on FMH for a while. One of the recurring themes is horror stories from Young Women’s. To be honest, I’ve never really understood that. I’ve been a YW President twice. Both times, I poured my heart and soul into loving the girls and trying my best to help them prepare to make good life choices (with an emphasis on obtaining a good education).

Anyways, today DH and I were cleaning out our office. It has become the “dump” room. When I can’t finish a project, I dump it in the office. I found the Finch Family File Folder Fun Book that I was going to use to make a whole bag of games for my kids for Sacrament meeting. I got as far as copying the pages onto white cardstock at Kinkos.

I also found stacks of scrapbooking supplies I’ve been buying for the last 7 years with the intent to get back to scrapbooking. And two bags of puffy paints that I took home from a “Free For All”. (I’ll just take them back to the next “Free For All”.)

Amongst the piles was a book: Young Women Fun-tastic Activities! Someone gave me this book as a congratulations and good luck gift the first time I was called to YW (but I don’t believe they ever opened it - just saw it and wanted to be helpful). I am chagrined to say that I accepted it and then forgot about it as I jumped into my calling and pregnancy with my third child, then move, then fourth child pregnancy, then called into YW again, etc. etc.

So here I sat with this book I had never even cracked open. I decided that reading it would be way more fun than packing (Yuck!). First I just flipped through it. I saw handouts like

It’s no bologna! You must build your testimony!

I’m sew honest!

Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and your mascara runs!

Okay, so my eyes are rolling a bit.   (more…)

HeatherP’s excellent synopsis of Chapter Three is here. 

Some points we found interesting:
Between 1872 and 1970, Mormon women had access to two official Church magazines offering specific views written by women on priesthood and spiritual gifts, wage and non-wage work and political activism.  But like the gradual erosion of the practice of washing and anointing , these magazines eventually merged into more male dominated territory via a silly ”wedding” ceremony where the young women’s magazine took on a male name (in the 1920’s), and changes made in the early 70’s with all that that entailed with the Priesthood Correlation Program.  And since then - mostly silence, maybe because of the lack of access to new articles, or nobody knew about these earlier issues. We’d no idea the Ensign wasn’t the first magazine in the history of Mormondom.  Until Al Gore invented the Internet. 

(more…)

By: Still Confused

Back in 2005, when I first got divorced, I thought it would be a great opportunity to finally date a Mormon man. However, I quickly discovered that belonging to a particular faith did not equate to having a Christlike attitude. As I dated Mormon men, I quickly discovered that I did not like any of them. They were sexist, rude, condescending and manipulative. The other men that I dated, on the other hand, were supportive, kind and understanding. So I started actively dating non-Mormons and avoiding Mormons. If I felt a Mormon man was expressing interest in me, I would tell him that I was Jewish. That was always enough to send them packing. (more…)

Oh I’ve missed you guys.

I’ve been pretty quiet around here lately because we have been in the midst of a long, complicated, drawn out move. And one of the ways my OCD manifests is that I *need* my environment to be in order or I am a big panicky weepy mess. So for nearly the last two months I have done little else, including maintain normal standards of hygiene, but pack, find housing, find more housing when that fell through, have a few panic attacks, unpack, wait for the items the movers left behind to get mailed to me, exterminate the roaches that came along for the ride, throw out every single item of food in case the roaches touched it, discover that the last renters painted this house like a color blind preschooler, paint literally every single room in the house, grocery shop for every item of food I just threw away, buy new appliances to replace the ones we had to leave behind, and hang pictures. We’ve got a couple of bathrooms and Atti’s room still to paint, but with all the main rooms done I’m feeling ready to reengage with life, and hope that I won’t have to do this again for ages and ages and ages.

But I thought that the last time too. (more…)

Just a reminder that we are having our second Texas snacker this Saturday at Fadi’s Mediterranean Grill in Frisco.

2787 Preston Rd. #1100. Frisco, TX 75034

We’ll meet at 6 p.m.

See you there! If you have questions or would like to comment off-line, email me at fmhstephanie at gmail dot com.

In all the time we’ve been dating and married, I’m guessing that 90% of mine and Mr. Kelly’s fights have been one-directional. Nearly always, we fight because I got mad at him for something: He didn’t do the dishes, he spent too much time on the computer, he forgot to get that thing at the store that I sent him 3 reminder texts about, he didn’t try hard enough to socialize with my friends, I felt like he wasn’t listening well enough when I told him about my day, he didn’t schedule his time well enough and now we have to cancel our plans for fun. And so on and so on.

Pretty much, he keeps messing up. I, on the other hand, never make mistakes, and never give him reasons to be angry at me. I am never insensitive, forgetful, lazy, or demanding. I always put him first. That’s why he never gets mad at me. That’s why we never fight about stuff I did wrong. Because I just never do stuff wrong.

So this whole post is basically just a story about how I’m perfect and deserve everything I want and my crummy husband should just try harder.

…….

…….

…….

……. (more…)

Details below the fold! (more…)

I could’a put it on the sidebar, but I was just so excited. Please read this Business Week article on Mormon Church Building Construction Going Green.

I especially liked this bit from the end, a quote by presiding Bishop David Burton:

“The takeaway message for members is that the institution you are affiliated with is responsible,” he said. “And hopefully, the takeaway message is, maybe I need to reevaluate where I am in my responsibility to the community, responsibility to the environment and responsibility to good stewardship of this finite land and ground that the Lord has blessed us with.”

Yes!!

You can take a virtual tour here.

This is our number uno most googled post (Original 2007 Post), I thought I would introduce it again for you alls who may have missed it. Enjoy.

I’ve had some requests for my funeral potato recipe, because my funeral potatoes rock! Just be warned, this is a traditional Utah Mormon dish, thus it is a difficult process requiring great skill and patience, only the freshest of ingredients, and yielding a highly nutritious and aesthetically pleasing result.

It is essential that you follow each of these complex steps to the letter!

First, lock your twelve kids in the backyard with a hose and some nerf balls. (more…)

Allie is a recently married BYU student of Art History with a particular interest in gender studies. She is currently looking for a graduate program in Art History and Policy so that she can ultimately do curatorial work in art museums. She is twenty-one years old.

By: AllieKay

I’m interested in what Latter-day Saints think about intersex children. These cases are rare, but they happen. Some genetic glitch takes place during conception and a baby is born with one testicle and one ovary, for example. It was during one of those Discovery Channel specials when the The Family: A Proclamation to the World came to mind. (more…)

I’m pretty sure this should probably be the next theme song for Young Women. (more…)

Hello all!

Spring is here and its time to shake off the winter dust and get outside!

AllieKay and I have been conspiring behind the scenes to plan a little snacker for the Wasatch Front readers.

When: Saturday, May 15th at 12:30ish
Where: Salt Lake’s beautiful Liberty Park (but where, specifically? You tell me)

UPDATE BELOW the FOLD: (more…)

See the previous discussion on this chapter here.
Finally, a topic rarely written about on this site, women and priesthood…

(more…)

My wife and I have recently been watching the first season of the USA network crime comedy Psych. It really isn’t a show I would recommend. The plots are somewhat formulaic, the characters are pretty one-dimensional (The Straight-Man, The Grouchy Mentor, The Prick), and the lead actor is pretty hammy (though his comic timing is pretty good). I doubt we’ll watch further seasons. But one aspect of the show really stood out to us, by not standing out at all.

It took me four episodes to realize that the police chief, Karen Vick, was pregnant. I thought I noticed a somewhat strange bulge under her jacket in the first episode, but promptly forgot it. In the next couple of episodes, I got a few more glimpses of a protruding belly, but I wasn’t sure whether it was just the actress’ body shape, or whether the actress was pregnant and the director was just trying to ignore the fact (a la Courtney Cox near the end of Friends), or whether the pregnancy was part of the character. It wasn’t until episode four that a couple of props around Vick’s office confirmed the third option.

“I love that she’s pregnant and it isn’t an issue.” Luv insisted after a few more episodes.

I agreed. Chief Vick wasn’t The Pregnant Woman, but the No-Nonsense Chief. Until the episode in which she actually gave birth, the fact that the police chief was pregnant was never a plot point in the show. Even the delivery was relegated to a minor sub-plot, a bit of comic relief (in true sitcom fashion, it happened while she was on a trip, and the only person around to support her was The Prick, and the comedy was about their interaction rather than the typical delivery gags). Throughout the season, her pregnancy received about as much attention as the Grouchy Mentor’s balding. I found it astounding–has there ever been another tv show or movie in which a primary character was pregnant and it hasn’t been a primary focus?

It has often been important to have media programs where the challenges and conflicts of things like pregnancy in the workplace are addressed. But I like that we seem to have advanced enough in society where a TV series can present a pregnant woman in a professional environment–an environment and position typically seen as masculine, no less–as if it is a perfectly natural situation.

By: Chris H.

I taught parts of Deuteronomy in my Sunday School class last Sunday. The class is with high school juniors and seniors. They are a great group (and not just because I brought donuts today). During Priesthood I wrote down the following thought:

I was struck by much of what I read in Deuteronomy. However, I was particularly drawn into the treatment of wealth in Chapter 8. (more…)

So we’re talking about making s0me changes around here, maybe to our look or format.  We are all kinda busy and stuff, what with real life and all, so don’t expect anything too much or too soon, but we are due for some updates, I’m sure.

Anyhow, yesterday I was talking to some newer readers about the archives and one mentioned that she hasn’t read much of the archives because she figures that all the topics recycle eventually, which is pretty true.  Though I do think that the are some treasure buried under there, but it can be difficult to find them.  We do have a ‘best posts’ category, but frankly, we’re not very good at using our categories, and it never really went anywhere. But I think we should follow through with something along to those lines.

So if you can remember a post that had a particular affect on you, for whatever reason, please mention it below. Link to it, if you can, to make it easy for me (please), but if you can’t remember the name or can’t seem to find it, if you describe the post we might be able to help you locate it.

And any other changes you’d like to suggest for the blog, features you’d like to see, changes in form or function, feel free to mention it.

I heard a new one last night.

It was a little visiting teaching themed meeting formerly known as Enrichment, and each group had a little question to discuss then answer in front of the class.  My group’s question was “Should you pray while Visiting Teaching?” My answer: Follow the Spirit.  Our “spokeswoman” answered “Yes we should (though I often don’t).”  And then a lady from another group stepped in and very emphatically insisted that she had been taught in a previous visiting-teaching-themed-meeting-formerly-known-as-enrichment, that we women are absolutely NOT supposed to pray with our sisters in their homes, because that is a priesthood function.   (more…)

A conversation I had recently while getting a ride home from my coworker, Jesse, on a Saturday night-

Me: “Ugh, I’m getting so sick. My throat is so sore I can barely talk.”

Jesse: “That sucks. Will you be able to rest tomorrow?”

Me: “Well, I’m going to church. But maybe it will be good that my throat hurts, because then I have to shut up and can’t say scandalous things, and then maybe people will be my friends.”

Jesse: “Yeah, but do you want to be friends with people who wouldn’t be friends with you if they knew how you really thought?”

Me: “YES! I want friends!”

Jesse: “Sell out.”

Okay, I’m not as pathetic as that. Really. I mean, kinda. But it’s a bit of an exaggeration. (more…)

By Maren

Reading the left/right post, and many other posts about immigration, reminded me of what a relative once said to me at a family reunion. “What is wrong with these people? Why don’t they just go, fill out their forms, and become legal?”

The vast majority of American citizens have no idea of what it takes to immigrate to this country. Neither did I, until I married my husband. I am still by no means an expert. However, I would like to tell his story, so that people might understand just how difficult it is for a person to be “legal”. (more…)

So I found out something really distressing when I became a perma.

You know how Lisa benevolently blesses all of our lives with this wonderful site and her amazing self?

Did you all know she has to PAY to keep it running?

Yep. Thirty big ones every month is the price of our collective sanity.

Considering all the money this site has saved me by filling in for professional therapy (bwahahahaha), I figured I probably owed a bit.

If you feel likewise, hit that purty yellow “donate” button in the box on the top right of the page, and give whatever you feel is appropriate.

to be blown away by the new Dialogue website.  Awesome job, Kristine!

Even better, all of Dialogue’s content is free until June 1st.  After June 1st, the most recent two years will be available only to Dialogue subscribers. There are some excellent reads in the Dialogue archives, so take advantage of the search engine free until June 1st, and then please consider subscribing to Dialogue or making a donation to keep this exceptional publication going.

For more information, see here.  Happy reading!