I Should Have Paid Attention in Home Ec.
I took Home Economics as a Utah seventh grader. This Home Economics class was the only class I ever took that focused on developing homemaking skills. Yesterday, Relief Society President Julie Beck’s General Conference talk mentioned that women should include learning about homemaking in a well-rounded education:
Nurturing mothers are knowlegable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make up homes that create a climate for spiritual growth.
Similarly, President Hinckley’s article in last month’s New Era encouraged young women to get all the education they can. He did not, however, mention anything about young women acquiring homemaking skills. Indeed, the Church’s Relief Society “Homemaking” program has been renamed “Enrichment”.
President Beck’s talk yesterday glorifying the traditional role of the woman as a homemaker seems almost incongruent with the recent talks/articles in which male leaders encourage women to get all the education they can and to prepare to be self-sufficient. The Brethern and the Relief Society Presidency should be united in the message that our young women will be required to take on significant homemaking responsibilities when they get married, and encourage them to include developing homemaking skills along with their formal education to fulfill these important responsibilities.
Speaking from personal experience, it’s not intuitive to know how to organize your house or how to manage mountains of laundry or cook nutritious meals for picky eaters. It’s also not intuitive to implement a schedule for a busy family that includes family home evening, family prayer and scripture study, family dinner, etc.
Finally, I wish President Beck had included fathers in her discussion of the importance of homemaking in fostering spiritual growth. It may be her opinion that women have full responsibility for keeping the house in order, but the idea that a mother must learn to juggle all the time-consuming household tasks and responsibilities without significant support from the father has the potential to detract, rather than foster, a climate of spiritual growth in family relationships.
P.S. For those lacking in natural homemaking abilities, Real Simple magazine is a great resource.
So true. I had no homemaking skills as a young woman because I was so career focused I just figured I’d have a maid and a cook and maybe a nanny if I chose to have kids. After meeting Prince Charming, I had an overwhelming desire to follow the prophet’s advice and be a full-time mom. I think this had to be the Spirit! I remember calling my mom in tears wondering what to feed my toddler.
Fast-forward several years. I enjoy “homemaking” which I do not define as merely housecleaning. I now teach other young women and try to stress balance. Yes, we need to be prepared to have a career of some kind, and yes, we need to know a few things about cleaning, organizing, nurturing and personal finance. And yes, the young men need to be taught the exact same thing!!!
Comment by veritas — October 8, 2007 @ 9:43 am
I’m surprised that young men aren’t encouraged to take home ec. After all, they are supposed to be 100% self-sufficient for two years. I know many of my companions and district-mates could’ve used the training.
I’m sure that I’ll get snarked for saying this, but I wish I had taken home economics instead of shop when I was in junior high. I certainly spend a lot more time cooking, planning meals, balancing budgets than I spend welding metal trivets and hammering together bird feeders. And it takes me hours to sew buttons on a shirt.
Comment by JohnR — October 8, 2007 @ 9:47 am
Hi, John! I agree. I should have included in my post that young men should also be encouraged to acquire homemaking skills -they definitely come in handy. When I attended middle school in Utah - which wasn’t THAT long ago - it was pretty rare for boys to take Home Ec. I wonder if they even teach this class in public schools anymore.
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 9:56 am
Actually … growing up outside the Utah corridor as I did, our leaders did encourage the youth to sign up for one of our school’s cooking classes in junior high. And many LDS scout troops have made it “mandatory” to receive the Cooking merit badge. I don’t know the practice was in Utah. Obviously this doesn’t GC-level mandate, but many, many leaders have been pushing the need for YM to learn to cook, clean, and sew for at least the past 25 years. I’m confident that my leaders in the Midwest weren’t revolutionary.
(In fact, I married the first girl who could cook better than I could. Not because she could cook, though. But I thought it was interesting how many girls at BYU majoring in elementary ed and in family relations couldn’t boil water.)
Comment by queuno — October 8, 2007 @ 9:59 am
(Having words drop. Strange. Here’s what I tried to say in one paragraph.)
Actually … growing up outside the Utah corridor as I did, our leaders did encourage the youth to sign up for one of our school’s cooking classes in junior high. And many LDS scout troops have made it “mandatory” to receive the Cooking merit badge. I don’t know how the practice was done in Utah. Obviously this doesn’t approach GC-level mandate, but many, many leaders have been pushing the need for YM to learn to cook, clean, and sew for at least the past 25 years. I’m confident that my leaders in the Midwest weren’t revolutionary.
Comment by queuno — October 8, 2007 @ 10:01 am
Or, it may be that her stewardship as R.S. President is over the women of the Church, and that their husbands have already been counseled by others who have stewardship over them to sustain, love, and support their wives, including sharing in the household duties
Comment by Guy Murray — October 8, 2007 @ 10:02 am
Hi, Guy! Thanks for your comment. I know we hear that men should sustain their wives, but do you have a G.C. citation to where men are told they need to share in the household duties?
Let me say for the record, again, that I disagree with the premise that the woman is primarily responsible for keeping the house in order and that the man “helps” the woman clean the house, etc. If the bathroom is a mess and the man has time to clean it, he shouldn’t have to wait for the woman to tell him to clean it. If homemaking and nurturing are the most important tasks in the world, the men should take responsibility and initiative for doing it. That said, the woman being in charge of pretty much all household duties is the dominant paradigm both inside and outside the Church.
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 10:07 am
Where I live in Idaho, all middle school kids are required to take Home Ec. (However, they call it Family and Consumer Science.) My son loved it so much the first year that he has taken it as an elective for the past two years. That makes me very happy that he enjoys that because those are really skills that all of us need. (And, clearly, I fell behind in some of my motherly duties by not covering all that beforehand.)
As to your comments concerning the differences between what male GAs have said and what female Church leaders have said, I wonder if some of the male leaders felt they would leave discussing “homemaking skills” to the women for fear they would be trashed up one side and down the other for making sexist remarks. Well, if that was the plan, I guess it didn’t quite work out well yesterday.
I agree with your point that both male and female leaders need to be unified in their messages and if they’re going to include a discussion of homemaking skills then both should do it. (Of course in context that it’s just a small part of the whole picture and that it involves both men and women to acquire those skills.)
Comment by ErinG — October 8, 2007 @ 10:07 am
ErinG- nice to know that the public school curriculum is changing to include boys and girls.
Pres. Beck pretty much echoed Pres. Benson’s “To the Mothers In Zion” talk of 20 years ago, but recent talks by male GA’s seem to de-emphasize the importance of homemaking in favor of emphasizing education and self-sufficiency. Interesting.
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 10:13 am
Do I need one? Is it meet that we are commanded in all things?
I’m not certain this was a premise of Pres. Beck’s discourse. If it was, then I must have missed it. Though, I would agree with you that it should be the responsibility of both spouses to help each other in all aspects of family life. Note–I did not say “help”, I said share. This implies an equality–at least to me.
If this is the dominant paradigm, I don’t think the fault lies w/ Pres. Beck or the Church.
Comment by Guy Murray — October 8, 2007 @ 10:15 am
I had home making in elementary school. I learned most, however, just by helping my mother who has a degree in physical therapy and home making. She was taught in a school operated by the anthropological society, which has strong opinions about holistic education and required a home making minor for its male and female students.
I learned to maintain my wardrobe from my father who was a career soldier. Of course, every soldier has to be able to maintain his gear in the field and to appear properly dressed on the parade ground. If you have not learned how to iron a shirt or to sow on a button then you will be found wanting.
In my opinion, it’s much more important that a young man appear clean and neat for sacrament than wearing a white shirt and a tie. It reflects poorly on dads when our sons do not appreciate men’s wear.
Comment by Hellmut — October 8, 2007 @ 10:22 am
Guy, you’re right about being commanded in all things, but Pres. Beck specifically singled out housework - a hot button issue for many couples. Seriously, a recent NYTimes poll reported that housework was the top three reason for arguments among married couples. Interestingly, this article also mentioned that these arguments can significantly increase one’s chances for developing heart disease. Thus, arguing with your spouse can be bad for your health as well as for your relationship. Talks like Pres. Beck’s that mention household tasks and don’t address both men and women provide even more justification for men to slack on household chores. And for more arguments about why men aren’t doing more around the house.
I’m certainly not blaming Pres. Beck for creating the paradigm that women spend more time than men on household tasks (even women who work ouside the home), but she’s certainly perpetuating it. Whether that’s good or bad depends on your own relationship, but many social studies bear out that women feel harried and exhausted keeping up with all the household duties because men don’t think it’s their “job” to clean the toilets, etc.
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 10:24 am
Anyone who thinks they are going to learn those skills in Home Ec is smoking something good. If we left it up to our public education system to teach us how to cook, sew and clean we’d be in a heap of manure. Those things need to be learned in the home (though my opinion is that it doesn’t matter one whit who does the teaching…ideally both parents) for it to stick and be effective. If the kid is having his food cooked for him 3 meals a day all his life, but got an A in his/her home-ec class in 7th grade, there’s no way that person is going to be able to cook when s/he leaves for college. Same with doing laundry, ironing, cleaning, etc.
Comment by Rusty — October 8, 2007 @ 10:29 am
Rusty - too true. But it’s an improvement that both boys and girls are now wasting their time in home economics classes
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 10:34 am
my parents forced me to take home economics (although it had some other fancy, PC name at the time) in 7th grade. i was not pleased. i wanted to take shop. i was going into medicine, i already knew; i wasn’t gonna be cleanin’ no steenkin’ ovens or makin’ no steenkin’ food - i was gonna hire out help, and i was gonna like it. and for another thing, it was a class full of girls, and i hated girls. it was the first F i ever received. i thought the studies were redundant and ridiculous. i really didn’t give a crap at the time if i knew how to cook mini-pizzas or sew boxer shorts, and i failed at both miserably, only slightly deliberately.
flash-forward 10 years, and i really wish i knew how to sew, and it has taken me almost 4 years of marriage to figure out how to cook well. my stepmother tried to teach me how to cook a handful of times, but she didn’t have the patience to work with me. she doesn’t know how to sew either. i did learn a lot about cleaning and organization because she is a clean freak, and so am i now. but i do that really differently from her anyway, because i had to learn how to apply it to small children and a husband whose mother did EVERYTHING for him. i’m surprised he didn’t mail his dirty laundry to her while he was on his mission.
i think that mothers are not doing their sons any favors by not teaching them just as avidly as their daughters how to cook, clean, take care of small children, and sew. nowadays, it’s a rare martha stewart who doesn’t require, nay, demand that her husband take a share of the housework. it’s been one of our few sources of contention between my husband and me that he may have the desire to help out, and he never once felt that “it wasn’t his job,” but for a long time he was completely clueless about how to do housework. i have his mother to thank for that. i’m just lucky that he was the oldest in his family, so he DID learn a lot about taking care of children, which is great because when i had my son, i’d never changed a single diaper or even held a baby in my life, so i was the one who was clueless, in that area.
Comment by chandelle — October 8, 2007 @ 10:42 am
ECS, my only problem with Real Simple, is that I get so wrapped up in the pretty pictures and the articles telling me which pantyhose run the least and which mustard will best compliment my ham sandwich, and which color of shoe box (at $15/piece!!) will make my closet look organized and beautiful, that I tend to ignore my daily jobs until I’ve read it front to back. =)
It’s a slippery slope, that glossy magazine.
Comment by Teresa — October 8, 2007 @ 10:50 am
I agree that homemaking skills are important (even if they are not synonymous with nurturing in my opinion). In my junior high everyone was required to take two quarters of home ec, and two quarters of shop. I’m glad they were. I really learned a lot more from my parents, though. I think that both men and women should know how to cook, clean, organize and balance a checkbook. These are basic skills that we should be teaching our kids. I would have been a lot happier with President Beck’s talk yesterday if she’d just addressed it to parents rather than mothers.
Comment by Vada — October 8, 2007 @ 10:54 am
My mom insisted that her three children (sons) all know how to cook and do laundry before we left home, something for which I am profoundly grateful. Unfortunately, she wasn’t as insistent about sewing, so buttons falling off shirts is a serious crisis for my bachelor self.
Comment by Doug Hudson — October 8, 2007 @ 10:56 am
I posted this at T&S, but it’s probably more relevant in this thread:
The trouble is, I think the roles of mothers and fathers don’t exist in isolation: they must depend upon each other. Are fathers ONLY supposed to provide for their families, and mothers ONLY nurture? As a man, my problem with so-called “traditional” gender roles isn’t necessarily that it keeps women down or forces responsibility on me that I don’t want. My problem is that it doesn’t allow for the overlapping responsibilities that necessarily happen (and should happen) in many families. Dads should help with housework and child-nurturing, and moms should know about their family finances and spiritual welfare, and both parents should be prepared to handle the other’s responsibilities if necessary.
This isn’t revolutionary thought: we’ve heard it in other talks, and it’s even implicitly in the Proc. on the Family. But I think any talk on the role of mothers which doesn’t also suggest that mothers can do their jobs better when they get fathers involved–and vice-versa–is a broken talk. As a husband who does nearly all of the housework due both to my particular family situation and my wife’s unwillingness to help out, I fully sympathize with any homemaker who receives not only ingratitude, but little (or useless) help in her home duties.
For the record, I didn’t find Sis. Beck’s talk offensive, just–clouded of mind.
Comment by Bro. Jones — October 8, 2007 @ 11:19 am
It’s so funny to me to read all these comments about learning homemaking skills, because for so long my little insecure teenage self honestly believed that they just came inbred into a good mormon woman.
During my teenage years, I was the only active member of my family and my house was never kept because my mom couldn’t be bothered. I was so embarrassed by the fact that my work-o-holic mother wasn’t around, I somehow just got it in my head that every righteous latter day saint woman knew how to make homemade bread and jam and sewed their kids clothes.
It’s so ridiculous to me now, but as that insecure teenager all too aware of how different her family was, I tortured myself with those expectations of domestic perfection until I finally just taught myself how to do everything I viewed as necessary.
Now I sew and bake and cook and clean and at least once a day I get a comment about how crazy I am for doing all this stuff myself. I think that also comes because I live in Southern California, and down here labor is so cheap that it’s not just the rich who have maids.
Comment by reese — October 8, 2007 @ 11:19 am
I think that this is a great insight. No matter how highly trained we are, many of us weren’t taught how to do these things. I think that Sis. Beck’s talk is laudable to the extent that it recognizes that these things don’t happen by themselves, and that it takes some effort, skill and (perhaps) training to be succesful at them.
In most cases, it would seem that involvement by both a wife and husband would be necessary in order for any of the activities you mentioned to be a success. For example, how can I keep the house orderly, if my wife won’t participate or how can I hold a successful family scripture study without her involvement, or at the very least, her consent. I understand that Sis. Beck did not explicitly address male involvement. But, I didn’t take her remarks as excluding it either.
Comment by Fred Jenkins — October 8, 2007 @ 11:20 am
Also, for all the people (of both genders) who are having trouble sewing buttons, I have two words for you: dry cleaners. They may not always get stains out when you want them, but they’ll sew buttons onto a shirt just fine. I have such a hard time sewing anything that paying $1.89 to get a dress shirt or blouse laundered, ironed, and repaired seems like a pretty good deal to me.
Comment by Bro. Jones — October 8, 2007 @ 11:21 am
Such comments exist. I don’t have it in front of me, but believe that President Hunter made such a comment during a 1994 priesthood session talk.
Of course, many men are more than happy to forget such counsel.
Comment by Fred Jenkins — October 8, 2007 @ 11:23 am
I remember taking Home Ec in 7th grade. All the boys had to take it as well as the girls. The only thing I ever took from it was a video on having proper manners. I am a manners freak just from that little middle school video.
I don’t cook. I’m sure I could if I ever tried, but I don’t see a point. My husband makes himself whatever he wants to eat, which is usually different from what I want. I joke with him that he will be the cook when we have kids and they need dinner.
I also don’t do his laundry. He never expected it of me and we never really had a discussion about it. We have separate bathrooms where he has his own hamper and it’s just been like that since day one.
I don’t know where he learned how to take care of himself and his surroundings, but he is really good at keeping everything in order. I will come home and see that he has vacuumed or put the dishes away.
I guess it has to do with the fact that he lived on his own after high school and after his mission. Sometimes Mormon guys go straight from high school to a mission then to marriage where the wife takes on what their mom used to do. At least, that’s my observation. I’m just glad I got one of the men who can take care of himself.
Comment by EKD — October 8, 2007 @ 11:28 am
do you have a G.C. citation to where men are told they need to share in the household duties?
O. Leslie Stone, “Making Your Marriage Successful,” Ensign, May 1978
Comment by Matt W. — October 8, 2007 @ 11:31 am
Here is the quote:
Howard W. Hunter, “Being a Righteous Husband and Father,” Ensign, Nov 1994, 49
Comment by Fred Jenkins — October 8, 2007 @ 11:42 am
EKD- I’m like you and married a man who cooks, cleans, changes diapers, organizes, fixes hair, and nurtures and plays with our children. He is the ONLY reason an impatient person like myself could even have children! He learned all this when his parents seperated at the age of 14. He had to take care of two younger sisters while his mom worked (and went through depression). I am the SAHM, but without his support I could not do what I do. He also helps me teach the kids to help out in the house.
Friday before conference, my neighbor called me and in the conversation told me how her husband will sit at the table and get mad if dinner is late. He does no housework, nor does he play with the kids. He is a member in good standing. The conversation was in my mind all during conference. There was one talk (forgive me, I can’t remember which one) which mentioned Alma’s baptismal covenants (comfort those in need, mourn with those that mourn, bear one another’s burdens). I wish people looked at that and thought of their spouse and family instead of just neighbors and strangers.
Comment by veritas — October 8, 2007 @ 11:48 am
#11
On the other hand, the US Army recognized that its recruits are either lacking in the Home Ec department or have better things to worry about on the battlefield and introduced a maintenance uniform in 2004 that features wrinkle-free materials, zippers instead of buttons and velcro to attach patches. Also, boots are no longer made of (polishable) leather.
Comment by Peter LLC — October 8, 2007 @ 11:51 am
er, make that “low maintenance uniform.”
Comment by Peter LLC — October 8, 2007 @ 11:52 am
#28 —
YES, and that new uniform has blessed my life beyond words. ironing those damn BDU’s and sewing the patches on every time we went to a new unit was definitely something even I could whine about.
Comment by Army_Wives_Don't_Whine — October 8, 2007 @ 11:58 am
[…] occasion of ECS’s post on Feminist Mormon Housewives about the benefits of home economics, I remembered how my father had taught my brother and me how […]
Pingback by The Home Economics of Testosterone | Main Street Plaza — October 8, 2007 @ 12:08 pm
#27, Don’t you just love your husband for that?!
It’s too bad about your neighbor. It’s so frustrating to hear stories like that.
I agree that when we hear talks like that we should think about our families first. My dad was always ready to help his neighbor out, but somehow forgot to think of his family first.
Comment by EKD — October 8, 2007 @ 12:38 pm
I see a HUGE contradiction in writing posts on how horrible the YW manuals are because they emphasize homemaking skills, but then complain one has none.
Comment by mami — October 8, 2007 @ 12:44 pm
Quick true story.
I was secretary to my Mission President for a goodly chunk of my mission in Asia. One day, he called me and my comp into his office to ask us to go on splits with a particular set of Elders and that I specifically was to work with Elder Pseudonym. The President had just gotten a call from Pseudonym’s parents who were very concerned that, since landing in-country 4 months earlier, he had lost more than 40 pounds of weight. Apparently I, being rotund in nature, would possess the discernment necessary to fix the situation.
We got to the area and I sat down with this Elder. I told him of the concern that his parents and the Mission President had for him. I remember when he arrived he was proportional to his 6′2″ frame, but now he was starting to look gaunt. I asked if he had been ill and he assured me that he was fine. Next I asked him about his eating habits and he got a little evasive.
Recognizing that it was the day after P-Day, I tried a different tack. I asked him to show me which shelves were his and which ones belonged to his comp. He showed me and my mouth dropped open. The only things on his shelf were bags of potato chips. In the small fridge, he had several quarts of milk. And that was all. For four months he had been living on potato chips and milk.
Digging a little deeper, I found that there were two ultimate reasons behind this strange diet. First, his mother had done all the cooking, cleaning, and shopping as he was growing up. He had never cooked a meal, shopped for groceries, or had to clean his own room/make his bed. He lacked the skills to make anything better than chips and milk.
Second, he was new enough to Asia that he couldn’t read labels at the store. They are “just all squiggly.” There were a lot of exotic foods and, having been a very picky eater growing up, he didn’t want to take a chance on anything that might be “nasty.” He was able to recognize potato chips and milk, so that was what he lived on. He also admitted that he was too shy to ask his companion for help.
I spent the next 24-hours taking him shopping, teaching him to recognize foods he liked, and how to cook basic meals. I also taught him to do his own laundry (he’d been using a dry-cleaner and charge-carding it back to his affluent parents) and iron.
And once I got back to the Mission Home, I lobbied to include a simple recipe that could be made from available ingredients in our monthly Mission Newsletter. It was a big hit!
When I was 10, my mother asked me point-blank who was going to do my laundry when I was on my mission. She asked who would cook for me. Since the answer was going to be “Me” on both counts she said that from that day forward I would cook the family dinner once-a-week and learn to do my own laundry. I wasn’t Emeril LaGasse the first month, but quickly I learned to follow a recipe and separate lights from darks. My grandmother taught me basic mending which eventually turned into full-on sewing lessons.
Please, please, please! Teach your sons these skills as well as your daughters. They are as much a part of mission preparation as Seminary, family scripture study, and prayer. They are part of the full skill set the Army of Helaman will need to truly be effective. You are not helping your children by doing these things for them their entire youth.
Comment by Chad too — October 8, 2007 @ 12:59 pm
I don’t remember the particular post you’re referring to Mami, but as a YW teacher for the past ten years, I can tell you that the manuals are a huge problem, but not because they focus on practical homemaking skills. They don’t do that either. They focus narrowly on a domestic ideal, without practical education on how to achieve it. Just lots of stories about being righteous and finding a man. The domestic skills part is up to the leaders to teach on our own at activity nights, which would be fine if we all felt comfortable enough with what we were doing in the first place, let alone proficient enough to pass it on.
Comment by reese — October 8, 2007 @ 1:03 pm
Don’t be silly, Peter. There is no such thing as maintenance free equipment. As long as there is war, soldiers will have to mend their clothing.
Comment by Hellmut — October 8, 2007 @ 1:32 pm
For anyone whose spouse is not doing their share of the work around the house, stop enabling them. If they do not have the skills, help them get those skills. Sur La Table is great for learning how to cook.
Comment by Austin — October 8, 2007 @ 1:34 pm
In my middle school in Utah about eleven years ago, both boys and girls were required to take a class that included units on cooking, sewing, financial management of a home, and entrepreneurship. The things I remember actually learning from that class were 1) how to make no-bake cookies and Orange Juliuses and pull-apart rolls (which I suppose did involve a little bit of how to follow a recipe and measure ingredients and how to turn on an oven), 2) sergers are really hard to thread and we weren’t allowed to do it, our sewing machine projects all turned out pretty crappy looking, and there was no mention of how to sew a button other than that some sewing machines could do it for you, 3) an income of $17,000 a year for a family of 4 is poverty level, and spaghetti is cheap, and 4) I would fail as an entrepreneur, none of the skills tests I took in that class matched anything I was at all interested in doing, and robots are cool (learned that last tidbit from a substitute one day).
Overall I think it was a largely useless class. I learned a lot more about homemaking from my mom. The one thing I never really quite got from my mom was motivation for doing the little household chores like dishes, laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, and the occasional shirt and pants mending. Motivation for why I should spend time doing those things without complaining or fishing for compliments from my husband after doing them is what I got out of Sister Beck’s talk. I’m grateful to my mother for teaching me how to take care of a home. I’m grateful to Sister Beck (and Elder Oaks) for teaching me at least one reason yesterday as to why I should bother going to all that work.
Comment by kadusey — October 8, 2007 @ 1:51 pm
#37 - Any suggestions, Austin, on how to stop enabling? I tried to discuss openly, then resorted to a labor strike — no cooking or cleaning. The result? She simply moved on to the potato chips and milk diet and I live in a dirty house.
Comment by Anon — October 8, 2007 @ 2:10 pm
i speak here as an enabler that the best thing that we’ve found to work with our family is a list of duties. i detested the idea at first, but after the second child came and i started grad school i simply could not manage it all by myself, and i become an absolute beast with a messy house; it’s essential to my mental sanity. so we made a list of what needed to be done on which days, and every day we cross off what’s been done, and the rule is that it has to be done before we go to bed - nothing left for the next day. we don’t have it divided among who does what; it’s just a list of what needs to be done. it’s helps up both enormously to see it right there in black and white and my husband takes on at least half of it. it makes him a lot more inclined to help out, and especially if he comes home and sees that i’ve already done 8 out of 10 things on the list, he is spurred to do the other two and to get more done the next day. it works very nicely.
Comment by chandelle — October 8, 2007 @ 2:25 pm
That’s a good tip, Chandelle. I think I like it better than the dreaded “chore chart” we had growing up.
Comment by EKD — October 8, 2007 @ 2:29 pm
Thanks, reese. I think you’re exactly right. The YW manuals focus on a utopian, Disney-like existence of waiting for then depending on Prince Charming, and not on learning the hard work and practical skills necessary for efficient housekeeping/homemaking.
Comment by ECS — October 8, 2007 @ 2:31 pm
Just for the record and to avoid confusion, the veritas that is commenting on this thread is not me
Comment by veritas — October 8, 2007 @ 2:38 pm
Oops - me being the veritas that has been commenting here for awhile now…hows that for helpful?
Carry on…
Comment by veritas — October 8, 2007 @ 2:41 pm
In Illinois schools it’s pretty common for boys to take life skills type classes. I learned how to use a sewing machine in middle school and took home ec in high school. (All I remember about the latter was the stunning pepper steak dinner I cooked for my family as an assignment–a big hit!)
I didn’t do much cooking on my mission (being in Colorado, we often had dinner appointments). I still remember fondly what we called “missionary special,” which was boiled ramen noodles, hald a packet of seasoning and grated cheese. Barely qualifies as cooking, I realize, but it was quite tasty.
Comment by Kevin Barney — October 8, 2007 @ 2:56 pm
i failed the practical exam at cooking but scored 100& on the theory….
my kids still live by my theory they haven’t starved…yet
here in the Uk Home ec is sort of compulsory between 12 - 24 then it becomes an option but plans are afoot to change it although healthy eating is the mantra in primary schools atm
Debrauk
Comment by debrauk — October 8, 2007 @ 4:57 pm
oops i meant compulsory between 12 - 14!!!
debrauk
Comment by debrauk — October 8, 2007 @ 4:58 pm
Okay, sit down and hold on to your hats . . . In the past few weeks I’ve been rethinking my Christmas gift idea for my 20 yo nephew and 18 yo niece - I had planned on giving them a recipe book (homemade, with some of my favorite recipes and also with “menu planners” complete with shopping lists), some kitchen stuff (mixing bowl, baking sheet, etc.) and a gift card to the grocery store. The last couple of weeks I’ve thought maybe it’s a stupid gift. But - and I can’t believe I’m saying this, since I really did not like the talk at all - now I’m thinking it’s not such a bad gift after all.
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 5:13 pm
Eh, I took that standard seventh grade “home skills” or whatever class and the only thing I recall doing is timing how long it would take to bake a muffin. It was nothing earth shattering or new.
I took sewing classes when I was little. While I can no longer sew a pleated skirt, I’m pretty good with the basic hemming. I’m glad to have that skill, and, thanks to my grandmother, a machine to do the hemming with.
Otherwise? My mom did a pretty good job teaching me how to do things around the house and letting me expiration with baking in her kitchen. After my freshman year of college my Dad gave me a crash course in cooking. For the most part my parents taught me the very basic skills and I just figured things out from trial and error after that. (Bless my roommates for putting up with me when I didn’t know there was a difference between liquid and powder dish detergents. We’d never had both in my home!)
Comment by Janell the Great — October 8, 2007 @ 5:29 pm
Anon - Find out what motivates your spouse.
Chandelle - I like your idea for listing the chores.
Comment by Austin — October 8, 2007 @ 5:35 pm
Sorry, being new, I didn’t realize there was another “veritas”. I’ll find a new name!
Comment by veritas2 — October 8, 2007 @ 5:42 pm
Quimby — if you have the time, do it! I left home for school in January (more than a few years ago). The Christmas right before, my older sister gave me a cookbook of all the “family recipes” we used. She had typed them all up in 3×5 index cards, and put them into a photo album separated by theme. It is still one of the favorite things I own. Not only for the recipes, but because of the time and thought put into it by my big sis.
Comment by Teresa — October 8, 2007 @ 6:45 pm
Teresa, now the Martha Stewart Wannabe in me is thinking of adding to the recipes with a bit of a “household manual”, complete with instructions on making environmentally-friendly cleaning products, “cheats” on cleaning, etc . . .
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 6:53 pm
I distinctly recall teaching a particular roommate how to iron a shirt (she didn’t know you had to press down with the iron) and clean a toilet (she’d never done it). I thought it was really weird. My parents expected us to contribute to household maintenance by completing both daily and weekly chores, and I’m sure if I’d had brothers they’d have had to do the same.
I’ve been pondering Sister Becks’ talk today, trying to figure out what she intended with that unfortunate conflation of nurturing and housework. The best guess I’ve come up with is what you say, ECS–that good homemaking can foster a spiritual atmosphere in the home (and certainly not replace it). Well-fed kids and parents pay better attention to family prayer, blah blah blah. And since we believe both body and spirit comprise the soul, then yes, I can agree with Sister Beck that the things which foster good health are important in nurturing. Healthy meals and a house relatively free of pathogens (but not clutter, unless you unhealthy straitjacket your tots) will indeed aid the other half of your being. I just wish we’d hear the importance of stupid stuff like vacuuming put in both context and perspective: it helps because it has to do with the health of your whole being, but it is not an end to itself nor is it important for the mere sake of other-centered ocular aesthetics.
If the woman spends most of her time at home, she’s going to probably get stuck doing most of the housework–both the potentially fun and creative stuff like cooking and the inarguable drudgery. But it IS unfortunate that we can’t seem to parse out chores more equally. I’m afraid that since men stereotypically have a higher mess threshold, we’re kinda screwed. My DH will fix the car engine and put in a tile floor, but he’s never going to sweep the kitchen floor because unless he happens upon a dustbunny large enough to maim him, he’s simply not going to notice that the kitchen is dirty. Maybe if i teach our son all those housecleaning bore-chores he’ll actually split housework halfsies with his future wife because he’ll notice when something needs cleaning? I can only hope!
Here’s how I live with the chore disparity in our house: I do most of the housework (and most of the homemaking as well, ‘cuz let’s not pretend they’re entirely the same) but DH gets to do the chores I MOST despise. That way the mental load balances for me ;).. Thus, in his very rare time off work, he takes care of the compost bucket/pile, he takes out the garbage, he cleans the diaper pail and the shower grout, and he is in charge of any and all dispatch and disposal of arachnids. Shudder.
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 6:54 pm
Wait. They make straitjackets for toddlers?!?!? Do you know where I can get one?!?!?
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 7:03 pm
Quimby, I have heard of mother who put their kids outside to play and lock the doors until they can regain a modicum of order inside. Something like a half-dozen friends have told me they either do this or had it done to them as children. Personally, i prefer a little mess to a locked-out child. But I DO hope my kids elect to choose a great deal of time in the great outdoors because in my head part of homemaking is making my kids at home with the natural world. Oh yeah–and endowing them with a sense of responsible stewardship towards it.
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 7:07 pm
One last thing: when I was in 7th grade, all children were required to take both a semester of shop and a semester of homemaking. Girls learned how to weld and boys learned how to cook. It was really, really fun.
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 7:08 pm
I’d never lock my baby outside to clean the house. I know parents who do that too; in fact my best friend growing up had one of those mothers, and really appreciated being able to make a mess in our house. But ah, the thought of feeding my baby without her standing up in her highchair and trying to walk over the edge - or dressing her without her kicking her leg out of her pant before I can get the other leg in the other side - there are times when a strait jacket could come in handy . . .
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 7:09 pm
I did this for my children-in-law for many Christmasses; gave a high-quality cookie sheet with the family cookie recipes, a good muffin tin with the muffin recipes, etc.
Also, I made sure that by the time my eldest left home, I put all my recipes on the web so they can download them to their PDA or consult as needed without having to call across time zones.
Comment by Naismith — October 8, 2007 @ 7:23 pm
While my children of both genders know how to cook several dishes, bake bread from scratch, sew on buttons and use the sewing machine and lawn mower, and change a tire, they do NOT know how to iron.
I don’t iron. It’s a waste of time and energy, and I’m morally opposed. In an era of permanent press, it is hardly necessary.
Even when we lived in South America and had to do laundry by hand, we used drip-dry that didn’t need ironing.
Comment by Naismith — October 8, 2007 @ 7:42 pm
I distinctly recall teaching a particular roommate how to iron a shirt (she didn’t know you had to press down with the iron) and clean a toilet (she’d never done it).
wait…you have to press down with the iron? you can’t just run it floatily over the garment? hm…i wonder if that’s why ironing my temple dress never seemed effective.
Comment by chandelle — October 8, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
You wanna hear a funny? When we first brought Muffin home, I ironed his clothes before putting them on him. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
I learned quickly. Makes sense, since I only my own clothes for Sunday now, and only if they really really need it. Usually I just wear linen, which is supposed to be wrinkled
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 8:18 pm
Quimby,
In 1985 we moved and my husband was already in NYC working before I came with our five children, ages 8 and under. We got stuck in Pittsburg for about 60 hours because of a blizzard. There was no room available for any amount of money. The gift shop had toddler sweatshirts with built in leashes. If you pin the cuffs together when two of them won’t stop hitting each other it is just like a straightjacker! It was great! I never had to use them again, but 3 of them were certainly worth every airport gift shop dollar so I could nurse the baby or sleep. My husband drove the first car behind the plow through PA to pick us up. The airport was still closed when we reached our NJ motel.
Also, I acquired basic homemaking skills when my mother spent 6 weeks in the hospital when I was 11. Two years after the Pittsburg fiasco I broke my foot and leg badly. My little darlings were marshalled into performing housework. Standards of perfection had to be lowered some, but turned out to be mentally healthy for me long term. I did not die living in a house not clean enough to please my mother. I sorted laundry, and gave instruction at first, but they hauled it to the basement, started it, moved it along, hung or folded it and put it away. Ironing went the way of all the earth. DH took his work clothes went to the cleaner (still does). They made the beds and the meals, did dishes, vacuumed and cleaned bathrooms. Pretty soon, they did not need instruction, and found pleasure in doing a good job. When I was well, I realized there was no reason for us to go back to me doing all the work. I continued as supervisor and they didn’t really notice they did a lot more housework than all their friends until high school. My daughters-in-law have all thanked me. My sons really do their share.
Start them early, expect them to do well, and remember my motto:
Dull women have immaculate houses.
My mom, raised LDS, is a fastidious housekeeper who equates cleanliness with righteousness. My MIL, not LDS, ran a messier, germier, happier house and raised children who love her, love each other and love life. I need order to have peace but I chose to raise my children near her, 1000 miles from my family in Utah, because I thought happy grandparents were more important than tidy grandparents.
Comment by Another Sister — October 8, 2007 @ 8:29 pm
“When we first brought Muffin home, I ironed his clothes before putting them on him. ”
/drops dead. I don’t even fold my baby clothes. They go in a flat stack in a basket.
But, seriously, can’t you see this as an indication of how darn precious that little muffin is and how glad you were to have him in your home and how much you wanted to make things GOOD for him? It was, maybe we could say, an overdone way of expressing some very good things.
That’s how I read Pres. Beck on the ironed shirts.
Comment by Julie M. Smith — October 8, 2007 @ 8:33 pm
Okay — two quick roommate stories (we’ll call her B), and then I’ve got some boys to bathe:
She showed up for summer semester. Barely 18. Mom brought her out. Took her shopping. Bought her a bunch of chicken breasts, and then froze them individually in Ziplocs. Fast forward a few days. My and my seasoned friend come back to the apartment for lunch to an atrocious smell and a smoking something in a frying pan over a hot and still on burner. B is nowhere to be found, but upon further investigation, we found her in the shower. Her reply? “I was trying to cook chicken.” We then explained the concept of defrosting, and ate our own lunches. Next day, we come home again to an even more pungent smell and a mildly green blob in the microwave. She had set the timer for 15 minutes on high.
And THEN she decides to make Jell-O. Carrying it to the fridge, she drops the whole thing. She sopped it up with paper towels and called it good. Two days later when we had a sticky, dirty movie-theater like floor, we asked B to please mop the floor. She did. Then we walked on it. It was slimy. She had squirted Ivory dishwashing liquid ALL over the floor and ran a damp mop over it.
And she had a 4.0 GPA. Seriously.
Comment by Teresa — October 8, 2007 @ 8:34 pm
Another Sister, LOL, I might have to look out for something like that when we take our toddler back to the US in January. I’m already dreading the looooooooong flights and airport transits, not to mention the complete change in temperature from beautiful sunny summer to miserable cold winter.
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 9:01 pm
Teresa, I can top your bad roomate story: My sister once had a roomate who had a bird. One day, they found the bird dead behind the sofa. They told the roomate to take care of it, and she did. A few months later, she left - she didn’t exactly move out, she left all of her stuff there, she just kind of disappeared. There was nothing mysterious about it; her parents knew where she was; and they asked my sister and the other girls to pack up her things, return her clothes and personal items, and just get rid of the furniture. As they were cleaning out her dresser they found a tupperware container - can you see where this is going? - and they opened it to find - you guessed it - the dead bird. Perfectly preserved, no creepy-crawlies or anything. That was her idea of taking care of it, sticking it in a tupperware container and stashing it in a drawer. The roomates, not really knowing what to do, left the bird in there when they gave the dresser to some guys they knew . . . They never heard what the guys did with the poor thing. For all I know this dead bird is still floating around in a tupperware container in a set of dresser drawers somewhere in the Pacific NW.
Comment by Quimby — October 8, 2007 @ 9:05 pm
These stories are funnnnnny!
Julie–yeah, I actually mentioned on your thread that all the conversaton about the talk has made me decide that she meant something other than she actually said with the housekeeping bit (my take is several comments above). it worries me that women might believe that the ironed baby clothes are necessary, though. Clearly I ditched that idea!
His clothes still get folded and stuck in his dresser, but after the ironing dropped by the wayside, so did organized compartments separating pants, shirts, onesies, and sleepers. I stopped color coordinating the piles as well. Aren’t you all proud that my anal retentive streak is giving way to sanity?
Before our adoption home study, I alphabetized my spice cabinet. I think having a baby will relieve me of my obsessive cleaning habits. My roommates once castigated me for scrubbing the ceiling. ;0
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 9:45 pm
FYI, nobody would look at my house these days and guess I used to be a ceiling scrubber.
Comment by Janet — October 8, 2007 @ 9:51 pm
I actually would not mind if our ward had a “Homemaking for Dummies” night or something (although I would probably be the only one who showed up).
My mom cooked the same 12 things over and over again. I know how to cook those 12 things, and that’s about it. (Luckily, since my husband does the cooking it is not a big issue.) She taught us to clean and how to take care of babies and children, and how to do laundry, but there are a number of things I never learned and would really like to know.
How to french braid and do other nifty kids hairstyles. I never learned that stuff. I’m afraid my children are doomed to always having extremely untidy, messy braids.
Rudimentary sewing. I can sew on a button, but I CANNOT figure out how to thread the bobbin on my sewing machine. I am stumped. I also have no idea what darning would involve, or when it would be appropriate, or how I would go about doing it.
What on earth you are supposed to do with wheat in food storage? I mean, I’m assuming if there was an emergency and I had to actually use my food storage, there would be a power outage. What do I do with wheat? Smash it on a rock and make paste?
Stuff like that. I bought this huge book, Home Comforts, so that I could try to teach myself some stuff, but it made me want to commit acts of violence, so I put it away.
Comment by Sue — October 8, 2007 @ 10:17 pm
I’m with you on the wheat thing. I have wheat in my food storage because it makes me feel like I am being obedient, but I have no idea what to do with it. If worst came to worst, I could just eat it the way it is right? I mean, if I was starving in a blizzard or something?
Comment by Melissa — October 8, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
Aren’t you suppose to have a wheat grinder to go with all that wheat? I dunno.
Comment by Janell the Great — October 8, 2007 @ 10:48 pm
But wouldn’t the wheat grinder user power? Would I have to buy two wheat grinders? One for when there is power, one for when there is not? And once I get the wheat ground, how do I bake the bread if there is no gas or electricity? Construct a clay oven and bake the bread over the coals? Maybe I also need a generator. O.K., now I have a headache. Ignore me. Back to the point of the post…
Comment by Sue — October 8, 2007 @ 11:05 pm
You can get hand-grinders. My mom has a beautiful electric wheat grinder (really, it’s gorgeous, all oak cabinetry) that has a hand-attachment so you can also grind by hand. You can also get battery-powered grinders (see, I’m a geek, I just did a search for “Wheat grinders”). There’s also some stuff you can do with wheat without grinding it. You can cook it in grain form and it makes a sort of cereal. If you grind it into a flour, you can use it in place of white flour in just about any recipe. Wheat is good, but then, I would say that, since I have wheat farmers in the family!
But I think we’re also too quick to assume we’ll only need our food storage in times of disaster. Food storage is also useful for times of “temporary poorness” like unemployment, illness, etc., when you’ll probably be able to keep your power on, but you probably won’t have enough disposable income to go to the grocery store on a regular basis.
Comment by Quimby — October 9, 2007 @ 12:18 am
For what it’s worth, wheat is very simple to cook.
There is no need to have a grinder or anything else other than water and heat.
Put the whole uncracked wheat berries in a pot. Fill the pot with water like you would if you were making macaroni (wheat swells up to three or four times its original volume).
Bring the water to a boil and then turn off the fire. Let the wheat stand in the water for 1 1/2 hours. Bring it to a boil again. Turn the fire off and let it stand for 15 minutes. Pour off the extra water (like you would with pasta) It will swell up like rice and is slightly chewey with a nutty taste and texture.
Serve with honey and milk like a breakfast cereal or use it the same way as you would white rice. I like it plain with a little butter or oil. It is very good with a salty or smoked fish or just mixed with fresh vegetables.
It can be eaten cold with olive oil as a salad. I mix in cucumbers and olives and sometimes mint leaves and then squeeze fresh lemon juice on it.
There are many posibilities. Explore and enjoy.
Comment by Raphael — October 9, 2007 @ 1:25 am
It can be eaten cold with olive oil as a salad. I mix in cucumbers and olives and sometimes mint leaves and then squeeze fresh lemon juice on it.
That’s Tabbouleh!
Comment by Ann — October 9, 2007 @ 7:33 am
Those roommate stories are hilarious. Despite my mother being a poor housekeeper, I did manage to pick up basic skills like cooking and cleaning (though I do go a little overboard with bleach, still to this day), so I guess she is a better mother in those areas than I give her credit for :-).
I will say, however, that one of my favorite roommates was one who cleaned when she became stressed. And she was a very stressed out person (unless she discovered meditation or Xanax, I’m guessing the poor girl suffers from ulcers and high blood pressure by now). I’ve never lived in an apartment that was as clean as ours that year with so little effort. It was great
Comment by Tanya Spackman — October 9, 2007 @ 7:58 am
I learned more from the 10+ years of doing chores at home (laundry, cleaning, cooking) than I ever did during my year of mandatory home ec that I took. Other than nursing, there is nothing my wife does at home that I couldn’t do. Some things she does better (like homeschooling); some things I do better (like cooking and yardwork); most things we do well equally.
Regarding wheat, it isn’t just about having wheat for disaster emergencies. It’s also for such emergencies as transportation disasters causing food shortages in grocery stores, or for when the primary breadwinner (no pun intended) becomes unemployed. Food storage, as long as it’s replenished, can help with saving money in the long term if it is used in everyday cooking.
Comment by Kim Siever — October 9, 2007 @ 9:40 am
All the wheat in your food storage will do you no good in a crisis if you don’t eat whole wheat now. Imagine doomsday WITH diarrhea!
Comment by sofia — October 9, 2007 @ 9:42 am
Good point, Naismith, but permanent press clothes are ugly and uncomfortable.
Comment by Hellmut — October 9, 2007 @ 10:19 am
When my mother had a wheat supply, Sue, it was the kids task to grind it manually. It helps if you buy a high quality grinder, which includes a long handle for better leverage.
A high quality grinder also is faster because of a better grindstone and larger compartments. Good grinders are not cheap but worth it.
Whenever we wanted pizza, we would have to grind wheat. It was actually quite fun.
With respect to the bobbin of your sewing machine, I find that intimidating as well, especially as I am a total klutz. May be, you can invite a friend over who could show it to you.
If you sew something right away, your friend might be able to give you other basic advice.
Comment by Hellmut — October 9, 2007 @ 10:27 am
Why thank you for informing me that my entire family and myself wear ugly clothes:)
This simply isn’t true, of course. I’m not talking about the thick polyester pantsuits from the ’70s. It definitely takes some shopping, but such clothes can be found. My husband’s dress shirts are all Stafford from JC Penney; they are mostly cotton and come out beautifully without ironing. I have a Land’s End blouse that is more than 95% cotton and yet is permanent press (less than $20 as an overstock), and I also like the Chico’s “travelers” line for women. My teens and I like crinkly flowing skirts.
Comment by Naismith — October 9, 2007 @ 10:29 am
There are indeed some good low wrinkle shirts and pants from Lands End and Eddie Bauer now. In general I tend to agree with the comment that old permanent press shirts were uncomfortable and often ugly. I can’t stand wearing polyester stuff.
I was the “Betty Crocker Homemaker of Tomorrow” for my high school my senior year. I did a lot of home ec classes, obviously, and did well. But I wish, quite frankly, that I had done more academic classes. It’s not that hard to learn to cook– go to the library and look for some cook books that explain the basics. Try a new recipe or two every week. Read some of the recent books about keeping house.
I actually even learned to make underwear in home ec in high school, but that skill has never ever been useful to me, although I can make incredible Halloween costumes. I think a very basic course in nutrition and meal planning and basic preparation should be required for all kids sometime in junior high or high school, but the rest is stuff that can be picked up by reading a book, or taking a class or two at a local store.
Comment by Paula — October 9, 2007 @ 10:41 am
Thanks for all the interesting comments (particularly about the wheat storage).
I used to believe that homemaking skillz were something you could easily pick up, which is why I didn’t pay attention in Home Ec. But lately, I’ve noticed that my skillz are seriously lacking. I ‘ve never been able to get the inside of my microwave clean (the shiny metal parts), and I’m losing the battle against the tenacious layer of soap scum growing on the sides of my bathtub.
Comment by ECS — October 9, 2007 @ 1:04 pm
Growing up, my mom taught me zero homemaking skills. She felt that I should spend all my time either studying, practicing the piano, participating in extracurricular activities like track or skiing, or working to save money for college. So I went off to college not knowing how to do a load of laundry (seriously– the first time I tried to do laundry, I put whites and coloreds in the same load and everything turned out pink), cooking anything (except I did know how to make a basic sandwich or salad), or sew, balance a checkbook, change a tire, or clean. I took home ec and failed the sewing portion and only passed the cooking because my partner was a pro. Fast forward to life post college. My roommate turned out to be super educated, had a great career, and also had a Martha Stewart touch. She loved to cook and entertain and I developed an interest in it, too. She taught me how to make mashed potatoes, cook a hamburger, make cookies, how to throw a dinner party or a birthday party, and the proper way to clean. Bless her heart. So now, while I have the luxury of a cleaning person, I love to cook, bake and entertain. My house is spotless (much to the dismay of my family, I am a neat freak). Despite the fact that I only have one kid (in the process of adopting a 2nd from Russia) and work outside the home, Pres Beck would be proud of me!
Comment by Lulubelle — October 9, 2007 @ 1:46 pm
our wheat storage is for barter. when the time comes..i don’t tell my rs pres!!
debrauk
Comment by debrauk — October 9, 2007 @ 4:35 pm
ECS, it takes a lot of elbow grease, but the easiest way I’ve found to make your microwave sparkle is to mix up a paste of table salt and water or baking soda and water and scrub. I did that once and the results were amazing. I briefly considered selling tours - “Step right up and see the cleanest microwave in the world!” And then I realised that nobody would ever care, and that I’d just wasted a valuable half-hour I could’ve spent, I don’t know, doing anything else, so I haven’t bothered doing it since.
Comment by Quimby — October 9, 2007 @ 4:53 pm
ECS, if you’re serious, try these:
Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House by Cheryl Mendelson
How the Queen Cleans Everything : Handy Advice for a Clean House, Cleaner Laundry, and a Year of Timely Tips by Linda Cobb
Or even one by a Mormon male:
The Cleaning Encyclopedia by Don Aslett
And to learn to cook:
The America’s Test Kitchen Family Cookbook Revised Edition: Featuring More Than 1,200 Kitchen-tested Recipes, 1,500 Photographs And No-nonsense Equipment And Ingredient Ratings (good basic instructions for cooking techniques)
Comment by Paula — October 9, 2007 @ 5:06 pm
Oh, I forgot about your soap scum problem– these go through batteries a bit too quickly for my taste, but they do work:
http://www.automaticshowercleaner.com/
Comment by Paula — October 9, 2007 @ 5:08 pm
You can get rid of soap scum with a green scratcher, assuming your bath-tub isn’t plastic or fibreglass (in which case it might scratch, so if you want to give it a shot, try it in an , inconspicuous place first, and don’t sue me). A blend of baking powder and water should be gentle enough even for the most delicate of bath-tubs, just make sure you rinse it well to get rid of the baking powder residue. (If you’ve got a white tub, this doesn’t matter so much, but mine is red.) Baking powder removes almost any sort of scunginess. I’ve heard lemons work well, too, but I’ve never tried that method.
Comment by Quimby — October 9, 2007 @ 5:11 pm
Much easier way to clean the microwave:
fill mug most of the way with H2O. Add generous quantity of lemon juice. Nuke on high for about 2 minutes. Wipe inside with towel. Smirk.
Just in case I’ve led anyone to believe I had a housekeeping clue when I started college, here’s a story: to impress two boys, the roomie who couldn’t iron and I asked Ering to make a really nice meal. She did, we served it to the guys and passively let them assume we’d made it. The boy I was trying to impress became my first real boyfriend. Of course, the gig was up when Erin invited us over for Easter dinner and served unbelievable cuisine whereas the only thing I’d made him by that point was homemade hot chocolate and peppermint tea, and possibly pancakes.
We lived in an apt. of 4 girls, and of the 4 of us only one knew how to cook. Reflecting back on the year, I feel so sorry for her patient endurance of the nights the rest of us made dinner. She’d make homemade chicken and dumplings; we’d warm up Campbell’s soup. She even made homemade noodles whereas we had to read the directions on the spaghetti package. I hope she goes to the CK just for not telling us we were idiots.
Comment by Janet — October 9, 2007 @ 6:16 pm
Now that I am five years into motherhood, and nearly 3 years into SAHMhood, I have come to the sad realization that I, too, got into this gig without having a clue what I was doing. I like to blame it on being the youngest child of a mom who worked quite a bit, so I didn’t see a lot of hands-on homemaking going on. And despite becoming a niece at the age of 9 and doing loads of babysitting, I was completely clueless on how you take care of kids full-time and manage to get anything else done. It seems to me that oldest or older children have a distinct advantage in this area — they have at least had the opportunity to observe long-term one mother’s way of doing things. I feel like I’ve been wandering uncharted territory the past five years. I guess the one upside is that I have felt free to define my own way of mothering, since I didn’t have so much pressure to be a certain way, or any real expectations even of some “right” way to mother.
In addition, my cooking skills are limited, to say the least. Thankfully my husband’s are not. I do what I can to keep the house orderly and reasonably clean, but it is an uphill battle for me. It certainly doesn’t come naturally, and wasn’t something I observed growing up. My parents’ home is really nice and tidy now (though cluttered still because we’re all a bunch of packrats), but there are only the 2 of them and they are retired. I am now at the point where I really do want to learn to bake bread and use wheat, so I appreciate the tips given thus far. And I think I’ll pick up some of those recommended books. It certainly can’t hurt.
Comment by mindy — October 9, 2007 @ 6:41 pm
Maybe we should start a Homemaking for Dummies post so people could post/share their top tips or ask questions?
Comment by Quimby — October 9, 2007 @ 6:46 pm
don aslett is lds?! get out! my (anti-mormon) mom (who loves aslett) will die!
that test kitchen cookbook is good stuff. i read about it in the ‘nacle last christmas and my husband gave it to me as a gift. hey! i asked for it! anyway, i haven’t made anything out of it that was worse than my original recipes and most are far superior (like their brownies!). two thumbs up!
Comment by makakona — October 9, 2007 @ 7:41 pm
I am fairly sure he is. Could be wrong, but he’s from Idaho, and his stuff used to be (maybe still is) in Deseret Book.
Comment by Paula — October 9, 2007 @ 8:23 pm
I haven’t tried lemon juice to clean the microwave, but I use water with generous amounts of baking soda. Nuke for several minutes then just wipe away all the baked on stuff!
Yes, Don Aslett is mormon. I think my mother-in-law grew up with him. (She’s like Kevin Bacon, seven degrees from everyone).
I like the idea of starting a post for homemaking for dummies…
Comment by sofia — October 9, 2007 @ 8:59 pm
I’m a single, college student, yet I still often have a food storage. This is simply because with my super-coup, super-sale style of shopping I tend to have the option of “three cans of sauce for $3 or $2 for $3.” To echo the “food storage just not for disasters” voice. Yup, I did the unemployment thing once, and I only had to buy weekly perishables like bread and milk for a month ^-^ It was nice not to have the stress of “gee, what will I eat.”
Watching Food Network counts as “home preparedness time” doesn’t it? I wouldn’t cook half as well as I do without that lovely channel
Comment by Janell the Great — October 9, 2007 @ 9:03 pm
I hope Food Network counts! I’ll watch anything with Alton Brown. I second the movement for a Homemaking for Dummies thread. I’m always game for pointers — both giving and receiving!
Comment by Teresa — October 9, 2007 @ 9:46 pm
when DH blacken a bag of popcorn in the microwave, I alternated lemon water then vinegar water then baking soda water trying to get that smell out.
I’d put a bowl of water in for like 15 min so it would boil for a long time. then just let it sit there for 15 min before wiping it down and starting over.
it worked. sort of
Comment by G — October 9, 2007 @ 10:27 pm
Yes, Aslett is LDS; he and his wife served a mission in our area a few years go. A fireside they had on de-cluttering was standing-room only with both non-members and members alike.
by the way, this issue is getting some hot press in England just now - the publication of some new books on the “art of domesticity” has journalists (regrettably, some of them female) dismissing domesticity and its writers as a form of p*rn, because (they argue) it presents an unrealistic image of women. Sadly we do this to ourselves too - as the 100+ comments on this thread suggest. Meanwhile the book’s creator, blogger Jane Brocket of yarnstorm, argues passionately (and I think convincingly) that the movement that gave women choice ought to value some contemporary women’s choices to not outsource their domestic skills but to create beauty with their own hands. She’s talking specifically about cookery and needlework but it goes for childraising and housecleaning too.
http://yarnstorm.blogs.com/knitblog/2007/10/pornstorm.html
Comment by Tona — October 10, 2007 @ 7:22 am
Am I missing something?
I can’t even believe that this was brought up in General Conference! This is not doctorine OR scriptually based. I choose to be at home with my kids because I love it–not because someone from the pulpit tells me to do so! This talk was so appalling! I have never heard a talk without GRACE like this one. I mean it was FILLED with “Need to’s” and “Should’s.”
When she showed the video of the mother with the little boy WASHING A WINDWOW–yikes! Bad taste!
I have to say–this church (which I belong to) is stuck in the 1950’s when it comes to women. It really whoudl rethink the role of women–ALL WOMEN–and encompase with loving arms women work outside of the home as well as in the home. The traditional role of the women has changed and so must the thinking of the church. Again, I say, that talk was appaling and embaressing and had no ounce of love or grace in it what-so-ever.
Comment by Darla — October 10, 2007 @ 7:29 am
Almost Everything you have mentioned here I learned to do as a Boy Scout. Its surprising how well a program most of you obviously hate prepares a young man for two years on his own.
Comment by Average Guy — October 10, 2007 @ 8:53 am
Darla–there’s plenty of thread about the GC talk. This thread has more to do with the sadly inevitable housework that needs to get done and how to make it less irritating/more efficacious. Because we all have more time for better pursuits, whether it be playing with the kids or finishing the scientific experiment, when we aren’t suffering from food poisoning or malnutrition.
Of course, I think if I were ridiculously rich I might honestly be tempted to order out from a healthy restuarant every night I didn’t feel like cooking. And I don’t think I’d feel guilty about it, either.
Comment by Janet — October 10, 2007 @ 10:27 am
Darla–here’s a nifty little link to various conversations around LDS blogs regarding President Beck’s talk. A good many of us had concerns about it, but discussion became so heated that most of the threads are now closed to future comments. They still provide some good insight, though, and the comfort of knowing you’re in plentiful company if you did not appreciate some of her remarks.
You’re right of course that “women should do all the housework and never, ever get any sort of break” is not doctrinally-based (or at least such a statement doesn’t fit with my understanding of the gospel, nor even the Hafen’s recent Ensign article for that matter.) That housework must be done, alas, is based in reality. I’m glad we’re all here to fight the good fight and try to make division of labor more equitable so everyone can develop both the selflessness required to perform drudgery and the self-awareness and self-fulfillment which comes from pursuing other things as well! Cheers!
Comment by Janet — October 10, 2007 @ 11:04 am
Average Guy–I think your assumption that we hate scouting is unfounded. I’m not fond of their policy that even a celibate gay teen can’t participate, but I laud most of the stuff scouting teachers boys. A good many of us wish an equally elaborate program existed for girls. We may hate the disparity in attention and resources allocated towards boys and girls, but that’s something different.
Comment by Janet — October 10, 2007 @ 11:07 am
But Janet, what about the girl scouts? Juliette Gordon Low’s organization has given us far more than shortbread and thin mints!
Comment by CJ Douglass — October 10, 2007 @ 11:34 am
#102–I really like Boy Scouts, just for the reason you describe–it teaches boys life skills in a fun way. To be fair to both boys and girls, I do wish the church would endorse girl scouts, create its own version of girl scouts, or drop boy scouts (although I think the latter is more of a knee-jerk response to the unfairness of it).
Re: food storage–I still don’t understand the reason behind saving wheat. Seems weird. Instead, I store cans of crap that is reasonably healthy that my family and I will eat–ravioli, spaghetti-o’s, mac & cheese (the kind that doesn’t require margerine), and canned bread, “fun” dry cereal (stuff that still has the wheat in it, but also has some sugar, so in the event of a nuclear holocaust, we’ll still be happy. Or wired.).
Comment by janescott — October 10, 2007 @ 11:45 am
re #27:
Friday before conference, my neighbor called me and in the conversation told me how her husband will sit at the table and get mad if dinner is late. He does no housework, nor does he play with the kids. He is a member in good standing.
I think such behavior should warrant church discipline. I have met far too many men in my priesthood quorums who exhibit the same lazy-ass attitude. I work with an LDS guy who thinks that because he works “so hard” at being a lawyer that his wife should do all the rest. What a lazy, whining attitude.
Perhaps I carry things too far the other way. I have actually annoyed my wife at times by refusing to let her help me in some ways, like by cooking me some dinner if I get home late from work or by doing my laundry when I need some clothes. I tell her “my laundry, my problem so back off”.
I have come to both despise men who think women are made to clean up after their slobbiness and women who think men are incapable of taking care of themselves (Sister Beck seems to belong to the latter camp).
Comment by Jordan F. — October 10, 2007 @ 12:28 pm
Here’s what I think of a guy who never contributes to household maintenance and never (blimey!) plays with his own children: he is impoverishing himself immeasurably. I hate most housework, but i do feel good about working with my husband to build a home where our family can be happy. Not playing with your children makes you nothing but their ATM and your wife your employee. What a shallow and pathetic way to exist as a family. I honestly pity him. He probably thinks he’s got a sweet gig going on, but that is seriously sad, sad, sad, sad. What, fatherhood consists of being a sperm donor?
I’ve seen happy marriages where the guy does all the outside “manly” work and the woman does all the dishes, and it worked. It’s not the marriage I’d want, but hey, both parties contributed to the end goal of building a home and family together. But when you remove yourself from your children’s lives you negate actually being a true part of a family. This strikes me as especially sad in part because I tried for so many years to have kids and know so many men and women who’d do anything to have children….and here’s this lug blessed with kids he ignores. Poor kids.
Comment by Janet — October 10, 2007 @ 1:31 pm
Just as a little more background on the story, the lazy husband in question is of Japanese descent (came here at 6-yrs-old) and his wife is from Taiwan. I’m sure there is a cultural element there. His parents live in the area, too, and are very patriarchial and controlling. (Telling my neighbor that she shouldn’t have any more kids because of her age- the baby might have problems, telling her she shouldn’t adopt). Even if it’s a cultural problem, I still see portions of that going on in my caucasian friends’ marriages. No wonder the divorce and anti-depression prescription rates are so high. I’d divorce a lot of my friends husbands if I were them.
Comment by sofia — October 10, 2007 @ 3:34 pm
I think I need to introduce you to my husband. You should become friends and influence him through the use of peer pressure that he should do his own laundry
Comment by Veritas — October 10, 2007 @ 5:31 pm
My husband and I have a long-distance marriage so we haven’t had a chance to really get into a set pattern of chore-sharing, but when we are together for lengths of time, I generally cook and he does the dishes; I will start the laundry (sorting, lugging downstairs) if he moves it along and then brings it up for me when it’s done and we both fold; I make the bed and vacuum and he takes care of home repairs etc. It works out pretty nicely. But my best contribution to this discussion is that my husband does a better job braiding my hair than I do, so now that it’s down to my butt, it’s just easier to ask him to braid it. It’s cute.
Comment by Alex H. — October 12, 2007 @ 4:42 am
[…] I wasn’t alone. The talk sparked a hundreds of comments around the Mormon blogosphere (see here, here, here and here). But most of these comments and posts were from women who both are married […]
Pingback by Bristling at Beck « Andrew’s Miracle Drug — October 15, 2007 @ 3:52 pm
Для меня, как для студента очень много полезной информации сдесь, побольше бы таких блогов.
Comment by Alexes — October 11, 2009 @ 4:05 pm