A Poor Wayfaring Man
by Kaimi
Today, I gave Jesus a cheeseburger. A meal, actually, with fries and a Coke. I wonder if it was enough.
I was sitting at the stoplight, one light away from dinner at In-N-Out. The half-mile drive had taken 15 minutes because of road closings, and so I was tinkering with Google Maps on my Treo, busy calculating an alternate route back to the office. I didn’t want to waste any more of Sunday afternoon than I had to, even during final exam season.
Suddenly there was a loud, nearby, “Whack!” I jerked up my head in surprise to see what it was, and saw that the scraggly homeless man who had been standing on the corner now lay on the ground, clutching his head in pain. A few steps past him, crossing the street in front of me, was a tall, tough-looking African-American youth, wearing a blue-and-red jersey (Martinez, 24) and headphones. He was perhaps 20 years old.
A cluster of thoughts went through my mind:
-I’ve just witnessed an assault.
(Had I? I hadn’t actually seen anything, I was looking down, I had only heard it. What had happened? I guess the kid hit the homeless guy? I was sure seeing the aftermath.)
-Should I call 911? Should I take a cell-phone picture of the kid?
-I’m in traffic, totally blocked in. He just decked a homeless guy. I’d better be careful, or he might deck me, too.
(Besides, I’ve got to finish my work. Do I really want to be a witness in an assault that I didn’t even really witness?)
I pressed the lock button on my door, and did my best to look inconspicuous. The car door clicked reassuringly. The kid walked on.
The stoplight was still red, and a girl in the car ahead of me ran out of her car to ask the homeless guy if he was okay. He lay on the ground, moaning.
It’s a genuinely startling thing to see another human being in pain. I couldn’t look away. It reminded me of my children, who perennially injure themselves at playgrounds or parks. There have been so many times that I’ve seen them like that on the ground, clutching a hurt body part, calling for help. It reminded me of one time — they all blend into one, really — when I held Son2 on my lap and rocked him back and forth, comforting him.
I stayed in my locked car. I felt ashamed for not doing more. I felt like I had failed some important test, but I wasn’t quite sure how, or what I should have done differently.
The light changed, the girl got back in her car, and we all drove on.
I picked up an extra double-double meal at In-N-Out and drove back around the street. The homeless guy wasn’t at the corner anymore, though. I wondered if he was gone.
Then I saw him, over by a parking lot. He was filthy — long scraggly hair and stubble and an old army coat. I pulled in to the parking lot and handed him the burger; he was grateful. A few minutes later, I got back to my office. On the drive back, I reflected on the verse: Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.
Today, I gave Jesus a cheeseburger. I’m still wondering if it was enough.
not to be mean, but I don’t think it was enough.
Comment by me — May 4, 2008 @ 8:59 pm
so, i just have to ask. what would you have done differently?
and are you sure that in that exact moment, you would have reacted differently?
not to be mean, but remember, adrenaline and instinct are the primary motivators in situations like the one kaimi describes.
Comment by mfranti — May 4, 2008 @ 9:08 pm
My sister did this once for someone, stopped and gave a homeless man a cheeseburger. I remember having an attitude about it not being enough but who am I to say that? I’ve never given a homeless guy a cheeseburger. Maybe it’s not enough, but it’s something. More than I’ve done.
Thanks for the reminder of my sister.
Comment by TAG — May 4, 2008 @ 9:15 pm
On a field trip to the city with the third grade, The kid and I went to Central Grocery to get lunch. I purchased a half ham and cheese for the kid and a half-muff for me. We had gone to the park by the Riverwalk to wait to take our steamboat ride. I sat on a bench by two rather world-worn looking people, probably just a few years older than me, but they looked older than that.
I ate about 1/4 of my sandwich, and I was stuffed. The kid didn’t do even as well as that - his half sandwich was huge, with about four or five big pieces of ham and about as many of swiss cheese.
We weren’t supposed to be able to take food or drink on the boat. I had been exchanging idle chit chat with the woman in the duo next to me. After a minute I asked, “I don’t want to offend you, but are you hungry? Because I have all this food here.” “Yes, we’re hungry,” she replied a bit huffily. “We’re homeless.” “Oh,” I responded. “You can have as much of this as you like.” I handed them the bag of food and they began eating immediately.
We left to go take our boat ride.
We just do what we can, Kaimi. It’s hard to know the right thing to do, you know?
Comment by Ann — May 4, 2008 @ 9:23 pm
Shopping on the Sabbath, tsk, tsk. (just kidding!!)
Did you do enough? I don’t know. How can we ever know. You did something. That’s a heck of a lot better than nothing.
Comment by sister blah 2 — May 4, 2008 @ 9:28 pm
I gave a homeless couple my fruit the other day. I kept thinking, I wish I had more to give. I too, was on my way to work and close to being late, I had no cash on me. It doesn’t seem like much, but I think it’s worth the effort. They were appreciative.
At least you drove back around to check on him in a sense. I’m sure he was hungry and needed that meal. I think that counts for a lot. Heavenly Father knows our hearts- and I think he knows you were feeling true compassion for this individual.
Comment by Michelle — May 4, 2008 @ 9:31 pm
Don’t even ask the question “was it enough”. Not the right question. We all come up short. I think the fact you went and bought the cheeseburger and are thinking about it and posting about it means you grew spiritually.
That is all any of us can do, or can be required to do.
Comment by susan — May 4, 2008 @ 9:35 pm
after reading your posts…i’m thinking we are to never feel like we’ve done enough. this way we keep doing.
kaimi, i already said this but i love this post. I love that there’s nothing spectacular about your response to the situation.
it’s a perfect example of the average persons response to something slightly out of the ordinary (for us). it provides the precious opportunity for introspection and in turn, the desire to do more next time.
(yeah, that’s mostly our chat up there)
Comment by mfranti — May 4, 2008 @ 9:41 pm
Just before Christmas we were vacationing in San Diego. My older son and I were climbing the hill behind our hotel, just below Balboa Park. When we got to the top we saw evidence of a lot sleeping places for homeless people. We were uncomfortable with the situation and began back down the hill. My youngest Son saw us coming down and was upset that he hadn’t been part of the adventure. My older son went back to the hotel and I took my 6 year old up the hill. I explained to him that we wouldn’t be going into the trees and shrubs because of the homeless people. He didn’t understand why they were homeless when there was a hotel just at the bottom of the hill. I told him that they likely didn’t have any money. He immediately said, ” We could give them some.” I was so touched we went back down and got about $20 in cash and back up to the trail we went. I was nervous for fear of a problem with someone suffering from mental health issues or additction. I also thought, “How could something bad happen with the pure intentions of my son.” We wandered about and didn’t see anyone to give the money to. My son was so disappointed. I told him we could try later. He then asked why can’t we put it in the sleeping bag that was just off the trail. So we did. Naturally, we have no idea of what happened, but I will never forget the lesson that my son taught me. Who knows what enough is, but something is better than nothing.
Comment by Bob — May 4, 2008 @ 9:50 pm
Here are some of my favorites:
The International Rescue Committee, www.theirc.org.
Christian Children’s Fund, www.christianchildrensfund.org.
Food For The Poor, www.foodforthepoor.org
Comment by Bookslinger — May 4, 2008 @ 9:51 pm
He’s homeless, not hungry. You should’ve bought him a house instead.
Comment by Kim Siever — May 4, 2008 @ 9:52 pm
Kaimi - I love this post. Thank you for giving us permission to just do what we can, when we can, and remain unapologetic for any perceived shortcomings.
We used to live in the DC area - homelessness is part profession/part contact sport. I remember RS lessons that addressed this very issue of … “whatever you have done for the least of my brother….” You know how it goes sisters, as soon as one sister stood and offered her solution about acts of charity (”I keep individual serving sizes of dried fruits and nuts in the car to hand out whenever I’m at a stoplight”) - there was a series of sisters outdoing each other. Anyone ever want to reach for an airsick bag in the middle of a RS lessong??
Rest assured, I don’t carry great wads of single dollar bills or a stocked pantry in my car to offer up to the least of my fellows - I’m more like Kaimi - wanting to do the right thing, always juggling three priorities in front of me, and always ever mindful of the Lord’s love for His children.
I think we do what we can, when we can. Our family does make a considered and thoughtful fast-offering each month - perhaps I use that as my fall-back position for serving Jesus a hamburger and fries. Something to think about (please notice I did not take the bait and say “food for thought” - that woulda been too easy).
What a great day this has been.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — May 4, 2008 @ 9:57 pm
“11. He’s homeless, not hungry. You should’ve bought him a house instead.”
He’s homeless, of course he’s hungry!
Comment by Michelle — May 4, 2008 @ 10:02 pm
I feel warm inside knowing you did what you did. And it makes me want to do something like that for someone else. So for ME, it was enough.
For him… who knows what is enough or not? All we have to go on is momentary inspiration, and I think an act of brotherly kindness in today’s crazy rushing-around world is what keeps us human.
Comment by sare — May 4, 2008 @ 10:08 pm
Great post, Kaimi. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and honesty. How many of us have tried to discretely lock the car doors when some unpleasant situation unfolded outside? Have we looked away and pretended not to see the dirty, crazy-acting homeless person as we walk down the street? I have.
Might I be so bold as to suggest that, in general, a 911 call is in order whenever one observes a person down on the street moaning in pain? You don’t necessarily have to wait on the scene for the authorities to arrive. (Wow, I really have lived in the big city for too long….I see homeless people out cold on the street/sidewalk all the time in L.A. You have to discern when it’s sleep and when it’s unconsciousness and respond accordingly.) Very kind of you to swing back by and hand the guy a double-double.
Comment by MikeInWeHo — May 4, 2008 @ 10:13 pm
I understand your unsurity of what to do, I am faced with this all the time where we live. We go to church in a town just north of us where there is a very large number of homeless, and my oldest daughter, bless her heart, is always asking if we can stop and help these people. I have had to say “we can’t stop and help these people without daddy with us.” and I feel so incredibly guilty every time! How am I supposed to teach and encourage my daughter in her natural, childlike response to a person in need if I am terrified to expose my children to what could become a harmful, dangerous situation! Worse than all of this, I never get around to talking daddy into going back with us sometime to help any of these people. Walking by a homeless person by myself, I have few qualms with handing them cash or food I have handy, but to do this with my children seems terrifying to me. Anyone have any advice on how to handle this? How to teach them service in a safer way?
Comment by POM — May 4, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
I personally never give to an individual person on the street. I’ve actually spent time homeless myself and it would just shock you to realize how often it’s a scam and/or lifestyle choice. That’s not to say that there’s never a need there. Heaven knows that if you have a mental illness or disability there is not much room keeping you safe from that life. The people who frequently need the most help aren’t the ones you see on the street and often aren’t able to come up and ask for help. I think the best way to help those who need it most is to give money/food/volunteer at a reputable charity. This is also a great way of introducing your children to service while keeping them safe.
Comment by reese — May 4, 2008 @ 10:42 pm
A “tall tough looking African American youth”?
Why didn’t you include the race and “toughness” descriptors of the other individuals in this story? I know it’s supposed to be a comment about class inequality or what not, but it seems like there was a good dose of racial identifiers and judgements in this story as well- considering you didn’t even witness anything.
Just seems out of place and not necessary to your point. What race is the homeless man, or the girl who ran to the man to see if he was alright? Does it matter?
Nope.
Comment by lemon drop — May 4, 2008 @ 11:15 pm
And now, for the sake of these things which I have spoken unto you—that is, for the sake of retaining a remission of your sins from day to day, that ye may walk guiltless before God—I would that ye should impart of your substance to the poor, every man according to that which he hath, such as feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, visiting the sick and administering to their relief, both spiritually and temporally, according to their wants. - Mosiah 4:26
When my parents served a mission on Welfare Square, they both gained very strong testimonies of this scripture. Yes, many people who are homeless are there because of choices they have made, often because of addiction. But so what? So what if you give them $1 or $5 and they spend it unwisely? Ultimately, they are responsible for their stewardship, and I am responsible for mine. I won’t be judged on how they spend money I give them; I’ll be judged on whether or not I was willing to give it.
In my experience, many homeless people just want someone to treat them decently. This may or may not include buying them a meal; it may be nothing more than asking, “How are you doing today?” And if that’s all you have to give - a recognition that you are talking to a child of God - well, that’s enough.
And if they want more, and you are in a position to give it - well, that’s enough. I think for many people, actually being asked that question - “What do you want?” - is incredibly empowering. Giving according to their wants means that they become a steward. It gives them back a level of free agency - You are no longer saying, “This is what I think you need,” you are giving them ownership. I think that can be terribly important for someone who is so downtrodden by life.
Comment by Quimby — May 4, 2008 @ 11:24 pm
Good question, lemon drop.
On an immediate level, one part of my mind was carefully noting and listing the kid’s identifying characteristics (tall African-American male, 20 years old, blue and red jersey, headphones) because I was seriously thinking about calling the cops, and was trying to consciously note and remember what the kid looked like in case I did call. What’s posted here was written 20 minutes after it happened, and that detailed description was still very much in the front of my mind. If the kid wasn’t Black, would I still have pointed out identifying markers? I suspect that my observe-and-describe mode would have gone into effect in any case.
On another level, I wonder if the kid’s race affected my own reaction in other ways. For instance, did it mean that I was less inclined to want to get in the kid’s way? If it had been an equally tough-looking white kid, would I have been equally worried? I don’t know. There was a lot going on in my mind, and it’s hard to try to separate the factors. I know that I’ve seen (and avoided) my share of scary, tough-looking white people. Would I have been equally concerned with a white kid? Probably, I think, but I can’t say for sure, since it didn’t happen that way.
I realize that there are all sorts of problematic underlying factors relating to Blacks in America — hell, I actually teach a course on race. I don’t think that the ways that we respond to race are always positive or rational; and I know that, even though I write and teach on race as a professional, my own reactions and responses aren’t always rational. Ideas on race are deeply embedded in culture, and it takes real effort to avoid falling into problematic responses.
So, thanks for pointing out the potential concerns with the description. I’m not intending to suggest that the kid’s behavior was race-related, and I like to think that I’d be equally horrified and disturbed if I saw a white (or Asian, or Hispanic) kid do the same thing.
Comment by Kaimi — May 5, 2008 @ 2:43 am
Good for you Kaimi, you did more than many others who must have seen the situation from the safety of their cars. You did what you felt you could do in the moment. Thank you for this post to help us all open our eyes to the needs of those around us and to get us thinking of ways to help.
POM-
I can understand how you feel. When I was single I never thought twice about approaching homeless people with a desire to help, but now with two children I am more hesitant.
These have worked for us - You can usually do service as a family at your local soup kitchen, food banks desperately need donations and generally service hours also, homeless shelters always need donations as do women’s shelters. The great thing about these options is that they are local and hopefully benefitting those you see on the streets in your community.
You could suggest a Ward service project to help a local shelter with their needs.
You could put together baskets or bags with food, blanket, travel size toiletries, spare change and the #’s of the local shelters and any other resources for the homeless in your community. Then deliver the bags to the people your daughter is concerned about WITH dh IF you feel this is a safe option. I like donating to the shelters, but the reality is some of the people on the streets don’t or can’t go to them.
By the way, I am really glad you put your name in caps!
Carrima
Comment by Carrina — May 5, 2008 @ 3:25 am
I work in Chicago, and I have a personal policy of not giving money to people on the streets [for lots of reasons]. (If you want to really help the situation, give money to established shelters and pantries.)
So the other day I’m walking into Walgreens and there was a beggar standing by the door. But instead of asking for money, he asked for a Tropicana Orange Juice. That was a new one on me.
Having picked up the few things I needed, I walked out the door, and handed the guy an ice cold Tropicana Orange Juice, saying something like “Here ya go, bud, knock yourself out.”
His eyes lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning and he immediately and greedily downed the drink.
Comment by Kevin Barney — May 5, 2008 @ 7:52 am
There are very few wrongs in this world that cannot be made right with an In-N-Out Double Double.
Comment by Cordeiro — May 5, 2008 @ 8:08 am
You did more than I probably would have.
I can always find a million reasons not to do the right thing when the person in need is dirty or drunk or otherwise frightening. I’m embarrassed to admit it, but it’s true.
Thanks for sharing– what you did is the kind of thing I could probably do (baby steps, right?) without feeling like I’m putting myself or my kids at risk somehow. Instead of using our encounters with homeless people as a way to teach my kids generosity, I usually use the kids’ safety as a justification to do nothing.
Comment by Shelah — May 5, 2008 @ 8:22 am
I gave a scammer $5 the other day. She made up some big spiel about her car breaking down and the tow guy ripping her off and she just needed $5, etc. I knew she was lying, especially when she said she’d take my address and send me back the $5 when she could. (I’ve heard a similar spiel before.)
But you know, whatever. Take the five bucks, go to Arby’s.
Comment by Susan M — May 5, 2008 @ 8:40 am
Don’t give them your address. That’s an invitation to get robbed!!!
Comment by JM — May 5, 2008 @ 9:39 am
I’m glad you did something, and that you are thinking about it. That’s a great start. Maybe you’d do something differently next time, that’s ok.
thanks for sharing
Comment by jeannine — May 5, 2008 @ 10:25 am
Re #13
I was being facetious.
Comment by Kim Siever — May 5, 2008 @ 10:48 am
Re # 28, you’re being facetious, I’m gullible-sorry.
Love yoyr blog Kim!
Comment by Michelle — May 5, 2008 @ 11:58 am
You did enough and you did it with a kind heart. Great reminder of what we should be doing more of.
Comment by Robin — May 5, 2008 @ 12:35 pm
You know, whether it’s a lifestyle choice or not, it doesn’t really matter. You give what you can where you can how you can. It’s not my business to try to ascertain why someone is homeless so that I can deem whether I should help them or not.
In Mosiah 4:17, it reads, “Perhaps thou shalt say: The man has brought upon himself his misery; therefore I will stay my hand, and will not give unto him of my food, nor impart unto him of my substance that he may not suffer, for his punishments are just. . . ”
A woman hit me up one day outside a restaurant with some long story about how she needed money for something, and I had $5 and gave it to her. My sister commented that the woman was probably lying. She might have been; she might not have been. I had no way of knowing, and if her story was true, I was glad to help out. Sometimes I haven’t had anything to give, and I’ll say that straight out. And sometimes I’ve bought someone a meal or something. Again, it’s just what I could do at the time.
Some years ago I used to go to the Deseret Book near the Dallas temple once or twice a month. Every time I went there was a homeless man standing at one particular intersection. So I got into the habit of either packing an extra lunch or, if I were doing a drive-through fast food lunch, I’d get him an extra one.
So Kaimi, I’m with you–give Jesus a burger every now and then.
Comment by Faith — May 5, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
Mosiah Chapter 24, v. 16-27
King Benjamin counsels on giving to the poor and needy, even those who have brought their situation on themselves.
We’re supposed to give. The only reason allowable for not giving is because we don’t have the ability to give.
I think you did a great thing. You had it and you gave it. You didn’t have the ability to fix this man’s life. You did have the ability to buy him lunch and show him that there are people who care…and you did that.
Comment by Worlds Greatest Mommy — May 5, 2008 @ 12:57 pm
DH used to give me a hard time because seeing homeless people sometimes overwhelms me to the point of tears. I am a total sucker, and I will give them all of the money I have on me, which fortunately? unfortunately? is never much. Back when we ate fast food constantly, I was always handing it over moments later if we happened across someone homeless. I just couldn’t drive past them with food that I could always get again later. If I couldn’t get it again later, well, missing one meal wasn’t going to kill me. I always looked them directly in their eyes and shook their hands. They are people. It breaks my heart to see how they are treated, no matter their situation.
DH rides the bus to work now in LA, and there are always a lot of homeless people on the bus. He told me he finally understood where I’m coming from, and why I have such a soft spot for them. A woman got on the bus who obviously hadn’t had a bath or shower in months, and he said the smell was overwhelming. There were no seats left on the bus and people were being cruel, saying things aloud about how foul she was, and yelling at her to get off the bus, etc. DH gave up his seat for her, and when the person next to her moved because of the smell, he smiled at her, sat down next to her, and pretty much held his breath for the entire ride. He said the look in her eyes and the way she thanked him was heartbreaking. It seemed no one had treated her like a human being in a long time.
If we could do more, we would. When we can do more, we will. Until then, we do the best we can.
Comment by Jill — May 5, 2008 @ 1:40 pm
This is so lame, but I was coming out of the grocery store the other day — and there’s always a homeless guy outside of the store that asks for money. I usually tell him no, I never carry cash, but this time I looked at my full cart, saw the hamburger buns, knew we’d only need two — and offered the rest to him.
He said no.
It’s sad, but I felt like that was big of me — we’re living on a very fixed income, I track exactly how many pennies I spend at the grocery store, and i’ve been known to eat a piece of bread or bun plain when I’m starving.
Comment by Natalie — May 5, 2008 @ 3:37 pm
You may not have saved his life or improved his plight in any way, but I can’t think of a person on this planet whose day wouldn’t get a little bit better if someone handed them a cheeseburger. I know I would be pretty excited if someone gave me a double-double meal (Im not going to be able to sleep tonight thinking about it either, WHY don’t they have InnOut in Seattle??).
Also, I doubt calling the police would have helped much…an ambulance would have come but my BIL is a paramedic and i can tell you from his stories that they don’t treat the homeless very well at all…I would donate some funds to a charity that helps the homeless in your area if you really want to help.
Comment by Veritas — May 5, 2008 @ 6:25 pm
Just to clarify to those who may think I’m more heartless than I am, when I say lifestyle choice, I mean a literal lifestyle choice, not as a consequence of other unfortunate choices. Not as a result of a bad relationship, or drug abuse, or disability, or mental illness, but a completely healthy person who decides they’d like to have no responsibilities so they live outside. A Beach Bum, if you will. It might sound insane that someone would choose that life, but they do. Into The Wild was one example of that. As I mentioned, I live in San Diego where it’s quite comfortable to do that.
I’m a bleeding heart on almost every other issue. And since my resources are finite, I’ll choose to give where I know it will do real good.
Comment by reese — May 5, 2008 @ 6:31 pm
reese, I went to a college that had a large population of people who were homeless by choice, as you describe. In fact one of my most lasting encounters was with a woman my age who had decided to become homeless to put Christ’s word to the test - that bit about leaving everything behind to follow Him. Thus, ever meal became a testament to God’s love for her. Obviously we all have finite resources and can’t help everyone; but why does it matter if it’s a lifestyle choice or a consequence of other choices?
Comment by Quimby — May 5, 2008 @ 6:54 pm
So I talked this over with my family, and my 13 year old wanted to know what you would have done if the victim had not been homeless. Would you have found it acceptable to stop and help? I have gone from being annoyed and disgusted to helping. And you know what? I feel a lot better dropping a couple of bucks or some food then I ever did turning away. I don’t have extra money, I watch what I spend, but I usually have change or something. It is not my place to judge WHY they need help, it’s just enough to know what my Savior would have me do. Isn’t that the very point of being a follower of Jesus Christ? “Unto the least of my people” etc.
Comment by polly — May 5, 2008 @ 7:14 pm
I think what it comes down to for me is that I’ve been colored by my own experiences without a home and interacting with the visible homeless. There is so much need there. SO much need. It’s tragic how we as a nation treat our veterans, how we abandon our mentally ill, how easily a stay at home mom with children can fall below the poverty line. There is so much need. And having first hand experience with the people who are educated, who come from good homes, who are capable of contributing and choose not to….I just can’t feel good about supporting that.
We all see someone in need and feel compelled to act, but for most of us that means giving money to the person who asks you for it. In my experience those people are usually scammers or moochers. The people who are desperate for the help rely on charities, government programs, shelters. You usually don’t see the desperate. What bothers me, personally, is that the money we give to the person who asks for it, doesn’t go to the person who truly needs it.
Certainly if you give money, you will receive blessings. I have no doubt that the moochers can not take away the blessings you’ve earned. But for my own self, I feel better giving my donations to a charity group, or through fast offerings. I’ll even happily pay higher taxes to fund government programs.
Comment by reese — May 5, 2008 @ 7:35 pm
I agree with what Reese said in #39. Many of you have quoted scriptures which tell us not to judge and to give to the needy. In the times of those scriptures, there were no charities to help people give to the needy. Some of us live in areas where if you were to give to everyone who asked for money from you, you’d be broke. You also may not have done the most possible good with the money you had.
I still feel compelled at times to give to those who ask me, but I think we should use our judgment. Sometimes it is dangerous. Also, of course don’t give out your address.
Referring to the attack on the homeless person, I know how you felt, Kaimi. The other day I was driving past a bus stop where three men (two men in their late teens or twenties and one man in his forties or fifties) were beating the snot out of each other. I felt inspired to do something, but I was scared to endanger myself. I pulled my car over (but still at a very safe distance) and yelled “excuse me, do you need me to call the police?” Both sides said no and quickly started explaining to me why the fight wasn’t their fault, etc (as if I were their mother!) Anyway, they quit fighting and separated. I felt like I’d done the right thing. It appeared that there was a real danger of one or more of them being seriously hurt, and they also could have scared another person who may have wanted to wait at the bus stop.
Posts like yours are helpful because they allow us to think in advance about how we would like to act if a certain situation were to present itself. I think the element of surprise often stops us from acting.
By the way, I admire you for your response to the situation.
Comment by Andrea — May 5, 2008 @ 8:34 pm
Kaimi, thanks for the post. It prepared me to have a ready response for a situation last night. I was doing a late-nighter at the 24/7 laundromat. The previous time I was there, a street-person hit me up just as I was getting into my car, and discombobulated me (which is usually their intention) such that I didn’t give them anything except money.
Last night, as I had put the soap and fabric softener back in the car and was walking back towards the front door, a man on a bicycle hit me up for “bus fare.” He reeked of alcohol too, but technically could have been telling the truth since many Indianapolis buses have bike-racks on the front of them.
This thread popped into mind, so I reached into my pocket and got out some change (still had an excess of quarters). I told him I liked to give out Bibles too, and asked if he needed a Bible. He said he had three Bibles at home. I said that’s great, and that our church believes in the both the Bible and the Book of Mormon, and I asked if he’d like a free Book of Mormon too.
He got a curious look on his face. I forget his immediate answer, but I felt it was appropriate to go back and get out a copy from my car. I gave him the quarters, and presented the book, which he accepted. He invited me to accompany him into the laundromat in the waiting area up front, and he asked me what it’s about. I responded with a quick sound-bite about believing in the Old Testament, the New Testament, and Another Testament, which is the third testament of Christ.
I knew he wasn’t going to be welcomed into the laundromat since he wasn’t a customer, smelled of alcohol, and they are picky about non-customers using the restrooms etc.
Besides, even though hard core alcoholics have a high tolerance level, and can appear to be lucid (as he mostly was) when they have a high blood-alcohol percentage (it was coming out of the pores of his skin) there’s no good in preaching or sharing the gospel with someone who is under the influence. The best you can do is give them something (card, flyer, pamphlet, etc) they can use or follow-up when they completely sober up and are still interested when they’re sober. He was still sober enough to ride a bike, so calling the police wasn’t needed, and getting himself home was up to him.
I think the best I could do was get him his $1, and get the book in his hands (and get him out of the laundromat), hoping that if he didn’t keep it and read it later when he was sober, he’d pass it along (or even sell it, I don’t care) to someone who might really read it.
So after the “donations” and the sound-bite, I excused myself and went back to check on my wash, and then he left.
The BoM I gave him was in a plastic ziplock bag, was marked inside, had 2 pass-along cards in it, and a flyer listing the addresses of the local chapels with meeting times.
Comment by Bookslinger — May 6, 2008 @ 10:27 am
I always wanted to give money to homeless people but never did so because I was told it all went to alchol and drugs. So I started doing something new.
I carry a number of $5 McDonald’s gift cards- they are great to have on hand when you’re approached by someone in need. It’s a way to give a little charity.
Being a female you have to be careful. I probably would have called 911- but could do no more than you did. You never know.
Comment by salt h2o — May 6, 2008 @ 5:52 pm
Reese, my brother is frequently homeless because he’d rather be homeless than support himself. Okay, to be strictly accurate, he’d rather have someone else to support him. So I was on the same page with your comments about it being a lifestyle choice for some.
And I just wanted to respond to Andrea (#40) as well. And I’m not implying, by any means, that we should give to everyone we see who is in need. It’s obviously not possible. I just don’t feel right about withholding a helping hand when I can give one, just because that person might have chosen that path. You have to use caution and judgement, and I think that we’re all saying that.
Comment by Faith — May 6, 2008 @ 7:02 pm