Thoughts on a dance recital…
It all started innocently enough. The stage curtains pulled open and classical music filled the hallway. Ballerinas in white tutus plied and pirouetted across the stage. Sitting with the other parents in the audience at Friday night’s dress rehearsal, I couldn’t wait to see my own six-year-old daughter, decked out in a sailor suit and hair and makeup reminiscent of Jon-Benet Ramsey, tap dance her little heart out.
Then the ballerinas flitted into the wings, and the next dancer took the stage. Jany (not her real name) is probably about eleven, with blonde hair down to her waist. She’s completely flat-chested, and so skinny that I could count her ribs from the tenth row. I note these last two physical features because she was wearing a bikini top that barely covered her nonexistent breasts, and as she started grooving to the music, Duke Ellington’s “Hit Me With a Hot Note”, she also had a huge sequined music note on her otherwise childlike bottom. Her family, who seemed to constitute a majority of the audience, went wild as she shimmied and flipped and wiggled her straight little hips to the music.
When Jany leapt off the stage, four dancers, including Cary, a girl in my son’s second-grade class, replaced her, and started moving to the Black Eyed Peas song “Hey Mama.” Check out the link if you want to see the whole song, but here’s a sample of one of the (cleaner) lines: “Cutie cutie, make sure you move your booty/Shake that thing like we in the city of sin…”
The rest of the recital was more of the same. Cute numbers with ballerinas and tap dancers cheesing it up for their parents, interspersed with adolescents dressed in racy costumes or dancing to questionable lyrics. When I originally heard that the dancers were going to remain backstage for the entire performance, I was annoyed that my daughter wouldn’t get the chance to see the other dances, but after the dress rehearsal, I was glad that she was sequestered.
I’ve never considered myself much of a prude, but the dance recital was disconcerting. While my daughter, at six, is still young enough to dress up like a sailor for her tap dance, in a year or two will she be dancing to Eminem? (and I like Eminem, but not when she’s around to listen to it). How long until we have to confront the issue of whether or not she can wear a bikini top onstage? A year? Two?
While I think that adult women should be able to choose for themselves to dress or dance in a sexually provocative way, it bugged me that these little kids, at eight or eleven, were having those choices made for them and then reinforced by their families, whooping it up in the audience. If Jany learns at eleven that people hoot and holler when she struts on stage in next to nothing, she’ll probably still be doing it at seventeen and twenty-seven. If Cary hears applause when she moves her booty, she learn to crave the attention she gets from that “naughty naughty style.”
As we raise the next generation of strong, intelligent feminist women, what is our role as mothers and role models? How do we balance protecting girls from seeing themselves as sexual objects without teaching them that sexuality is a bad thing? I didn’t think that I’d already be confronting issues like this with my six-year-old.
Shelah - I’d been thinking along similar lines lately. I was trying to find a new swim suit for my 3 year old, and I had the hardest time finding a one-piece. Bikinis were everywhere, along-side miniature versions of skimpy tops teenagers wear. I was horrified. I don’t think I’m a prude either, but sexy clothes for a 3 year old? No thanks.
Comment by Rebecca — June 1, 2008 @ 4:09 pm
I think there is a huge difference between ‘wiggling’ for the audience and actually learning to use muscles and know your body in dance. I too hate seeing the whole Beauty Pagent for little girls thing and they typically just do moves they see Britney Spears do.
There’s something wonderful about being able to train your body’s muscles to do things that most cannot. You feel connected to your body in a different way. I want my children learning that, but not the shake your booty thing. Now, that said… I used to be a performing Belly Dancer… and while they get the rap of the epitome of shake (literally) your booty, I think it is one of the most precise and difficult types of dance out there in terms of muscle isolation. Anyway, I don’t move for sexual purposes, I move because there is something very earthy and soul touching about those heavy middle eastern drums. If anyone has read “Witch of Portobello” they understand the rhythm/drum thing I”m referring to. I feel Goddess focused when I belly dance. I learned in my teens and am very grateful my mom signed me up to try it.
Comment by Elise — June 1, 2008 @ 4:31 pm
i’ve always been somewhat disconcerted adult clothes and styles on small kids. i don’t want to get into a debate about them, but the hannah montannah’s and olsen-twins of the world have always made me a bit sad. even in literature. my 11 yo is a huge reader, and was wondering if she should read some of the books that i’ve enjoyed a lot…and which some of her peers or girls just older than her have been reading. my thoughts, which i shared with her, are that she’s only going to be a child for a little while. and she has no shortage of books to enjoy. those very books won’t have quite the same appeal to her when she’s older (yeah, she could read them to a child, but it’s just not the same), but she’ll have the rest of her life to be a grown up and enjoy the books geared to adults or older teens.
she agreed, and seemed really happy to remember the season she’s enjoying right now. she’s always had an internal “modesty compass” (which she didn’t get from me) and because of it, she’s personally avoided sports and hobbies that would require her to dress in ways that still shock her. i don’t know where this comes from…it’s one of the traits she landed on on earth with is all i can say. it’s been interesting to see it’s impact on me too. it’s helped me to help my kids just be kids. to enjoy the sweet delights and simple pleasures and pastimes of childhood. for it’s fleeting. ♥
Comment by Blue — June 1, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
Yeah, a few years ago we were at a county fair in Utah and stumbled into the “show barn” where various dance groups were performing. There was a group of ten-year-olds onstage dancing to a variety of songs (in skin tight outfits) like “It’s Raining Men” and “Hot Stuff”. I was very uncomfortable and decided that my future daughter will only do stuff like clogging, LOL
I just really don’t like the sexualizing of young girls. They shouldn’t be seen as sexual or made to think that the only way to get attention or approval is through acting sexy. I just don’t like that. I’m not sure how to balance that with helping them feel that sexuality is OK–just when you’re an adult. At the same time, though, I know that many preteens and teens are actually pretty modest and feel uncomfortable with the expectation that they need to be more sexy. I hope we can help them realize that it’s OK to feel that way and to want to be modest even when the rest of the world tells them not to.
Comment by FoxyJ — June 1, 2008 @ 4:33 pm
I think like Elise said, we should focus on activities that help build positive body image without sexual focus. Dance can be sexual or not, and hopefully we can help our daughters see the difference and speak up when we are in situations that we think are not apporpriate for our kids.
Comment by FoxyJ — June 1, 2008 @ 4:35 pm
I think you should let your objections be known. There are probably a lot of parents who haven’t thought of it that way, and might need a heads up. I don’t know what kind of dance company it is, but perhaps you could suggest they learn and perform dances from other cultures. My nieces and nephew do folk dances, which is a lot of fun and leads to more performance opportunities than just kids’ recitals.
Comment by Day — June 1, 2008 @ 4:38 pm
While our children have been at soccer practice, we have observed the 5-year-old cheerleaders practicing on an adjacent field … and have been appalled. Even more appalling, sometimes, are the mothers demonstrating the moves.
Then again, this is Texas…
Comment by queuno — June 1, 2008 @ 5:23 pm
I think the term we’re all looking for is “prosti-tots.”
I think it may be why my nieces don’t do dance. But some girls I baby-sit do, and last year there was a group of ten-year-olds dressed as French maids doing suggestive things with feather dusters. I was sitting in the audience with their dad, and was shocked. On the bright side, though, it seems to be a phase. One of the nice things that I’ve noticed is that the older dancers (late teens who seem to get to do their own thing a bit more) seem to pick things that are more technically demanding and less about shaking various things.
Comment by Beth — June 1, 2008 @ 5:37 pm
Ever wonder what the reaction would be if a bunch of six year old boys came out on stage bare chested and wearing bikini style pants under chaps and dancing to one of these songs? It’s apalling either way and having seen a display, oops, I mean recital, such as you described, all I could think is, “What are these parents thinking?” They may not be choreographing and choosing the music (with the exception of TX?), but they see the results. Speak up. Better yet, ask before signing the kids up what you can expect and go elsewhere if the performances are to be warms up for pole dancing later.
Comment by AnnastasiaM — June 1, 2008 @ 5:42 pm
A few weeks ago I was in a store when I spotted a display of small sweaters and skirts - all emblazoned with the Play Bunny logo. My thought was, “Great, now we’re pushing the baby-prostitute clothing into infancy.” (#8’s “Prosti-tot” is the perfect world.) Horrified, I went in for a closer inspection. Fortunately, it turns out that these weren’t infant clothes, but dog clothes. (Now a play-bunny dress canine raises some interesting commentary of its own, but it’s loads better than babies.)
Comment by Janell the Great — June 1, 2008 @ 7:01 pm
queuno, unfortunately there are 5 year-old cheerleaders outside of Texas… Even in Canada. I’ll never forget when my husband’s aunt announced that she was putting her two daughters into cheerleading when they were not much older than that, and talking about them wearing “spankies” and whatnot. These people are totally white-trash to begin with and this is just not helping. Of course these kids also have an abundance of Bratz dolls to show them how to dress!
Comment by SAP — June 1, 2008 @ 7:05 pm
#10, the sad thing is that I can imagine some moron dressing their 4 year-old in a Playboy bunny shirt. (I just spent the week driving my mother-in-law’s Jetta with Playboy bunny stickers in the windows. Can you say mortifying???)
Comment by SAP — June 1, 2008 @ 7:07 pm
I really think little girls love dressing up in the sorts of scandalous outfits that then horrify their mothers. Sparkly! Shimmery! Bootyshakey! (Little girls really love this) Now that all my little ones are grown, sorta, more or less, I view this with somewhat more dispassion than I once did — It’s a phase; soon enough they’ll be horrified. Horrified–I tell you– by anything like this. Let them have their sparkles and their innocent pre-sexuality (don’t kill me please, but it seems to be something little girls go through and then run away from.) Freaking out seems like the easy way out–innocent distraction seems to work better. Your mileage may vary.
Comment by djinn — June 1, 2008 @ 7:18 pm
great post- I think we need to examine better our understnading of sexuality and how we and or our culture teaches it to our children.
I remember knowing what was sexy as a very young child- ironically before i knew the first thing abou sex? I am sure that is highly psychoanalytic confession.
Have you read the “sexy” story in Interpreter of Maladies yet? that will be more food for thought
I don’t think its a phase- as somoen who studies human development- our childrens views of sexuality are drastically changing due to the in your face sexuality they get dosed with from very early ages.
Comment by smartmama — June 1, 2008 @ 7:28 pm
[…] Shelah reports from the frontlines of feminism: her daughter’s dance concert […]
Pingback by Virtual Oases, June 1 « The Exponent — June 1, 2008 @ 7:40 pm
I liked the comment from the belly dancer. I was a latin dancer at BYU and we had to be really careful about our choreography and costumes. But the technique of latin dancing involves hip shaking (although it’s much more complicated than that), so what can you really do? I mean, should we not allow our children to learn ballroom dance because you move your hips? Modesty in costume, though, is important. But dance requires the audience to see the body, which is why spandex is so popular.
Comment by Julie — June 1, 2008 @ 7:40 pm
I’m not sure why but it seems society has decided that our babies just don’t grow up fast enough. My granddaughter is 5 years old, in pre k, and in her school they had an after school dance last friday. I don’t think there is anything wrong with children dancing around but an organised dance???
Short shorts, short skirts, dresses and tank tops (not to mention belly tops!!) used to be the clothes that teens might rebelliously wear, now they are the clothes people are dressing their prosti-tots in.
Comment by Lizzy — June 1, 2008 @ 7:41 pm
FMH coins the new word of the decade - prosti-tots! That appalls me, as a father of four girls.
All of our girls have danced from an early age. Our second is now going on year 8 (maybe). Luckily, we have a teacher who is a member and used to dance professionally. Our girls are learning tap and ballet and some classic dance, but there is no booty shaking going on in their classes.
Too many do not grow out of it; for too many it is not a stage. Our oldest is in college; our youngest is in kindergarten; our other four are spread out pretty evenly in between. We see it in their classmates at all ages, and we grieve for many of these kids as we see the practical effects when they reach puberty and beyond. This is real, and it is deeply disturbing.
Comment by Ray — June 1, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
Well, we’ve done really well with Irish dance and Karate. Especially karate.
Comment by Not Ophelia — June 1, 2008 @ 7:55 pm
PS. The worst part is that it really isn’t that difficult or complicated to instill in them an appreciation for the body without constant sexualization.
Comment by Ray — June 1, 2008 @ 7:56 pm
And these same parents who are encouraging this will be aghast when their daughters want to expose more and more of themselves in a few years and have steady boyfriends at 13.
I see what happens to these “cute little girls” when they hit junior high and have learned to be sexy without learning anything else about sex (like consequences, for example).
Comment by apaperbackwriter — June 1, 2008 @ 8:40 pm
I have a friend whose daughter is the same age as mine. Her daughter is in dance and we were admiring her medals and the pictures from her competitions. I was horrified at the costumes and make up (didn’t see the dance moves themselves but I would imagine they’d be equally as uncomfortable) In that moment I was really glad we’ve stuck with soccer and swim club. I am really uncomfortable with little girls with loads of make up and sexy outfits. I truly don’t get it.
Comment by Dawn — June 1, 2008 @ 8:53 pm
This is what frightens me about having a daughter now. Well, it’s one of the things. I just don’t understand the sexualization of younger and younger girls. And I don’t want to understand. Little girls vamping it up onstage is inappropriate, and if I have to hold my daughter back from dance, I will.
There is nothing good about the Prosti-Tot trend.
Comment by tracy m — June 1, 2008 @ 8:58 pm
Little girls go through this “prosti-tot”(LOL) phase. They enter, and then they exit. Don’t privilege it by getting too upset. They’ll learn, all on their own to hate and be ashamed of their bodies. Relax.
Comment by djinn — June 1, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
do you really think they exit it? I don’t think so- I think the bizarre/conflicting messages of society such as these are exact reason many women have seriosu body image issues- if you are reiforced that shaking it in scanty clothes from todlerhood = sexy- you’re going to have some issues later on- when your body image doesn’t match the Sexy norm
smart is new sexy –thats my message
Comment by smartmama — June 1, 2008 @ 9:12 pm
I’m taking a college course, Health and PE for Elementary Educators, and we watched a video last week about this sort of thing. It was from the 1990s and nothing’s improved. I spoke up in our discussion and said that what bothered me was that on the one hand, these girls recognized (and didn’t like) that the media encourages all this sexualization, but then elsewhere in the video, the girls themselves talked about listening to music like “The Thong Song,” for god’s sake!
I said that I know these girls are children, but they have the ability to put their money where their mouth is - if they don’t like the media telling them to do all this, then don’t listen to that sort of music! Later, some other students who work in a middle school basically said I was stupid to think I could have any influence on my children because peers are everything. Whatever. I know what has worked for my family.
Comment by TAG — June 1, 2008 @ 9:14 pm
TAG,
exactly. I actually get mad when people tell me I have less influence over my kids that peers/teachers/other parents do! Whatever!
But… if our kids are taking in a lot of media, I think that influence can sometimes override our own. Advertisers are excellent at subtle, even subliminal, messages.
djinn, yes… it’s a pity that it seems to be such a dichotomy. If we could just strike the perfect balance between teaching modesty/respect for our bodies, and teaching the appreciation and glory of them… will have to go off and think about that for a while.
Comment by sare — June 1, 2008 @ 9:29 pm
This saddens me so much! I’m a total So You Think You Can Dance addict and just watch what they can do with my jaw on the ground. Is there no way to learn to do that without going through the years of booty shaking? Or is it just a matter of finding the right teacher? How sad if we have to limit this for our kids.
Comment by reese — June 1, 2008 @ 9:47 pm
“If we could just strike the perfect balance between teaching modesty/respect for our bodies, and teaching the appreciation and glory of them”
We can, and it’s not hard if we are open with our children.
djinn,
I have worked in schools across the Eastern US and seen the result of the hip-hop culture at its height. I have worked in cultures where a teenage girl’s body is her ticket to financial security - and I’m NOT talking about prostitution but rather welfare payments based on the number of children she has. (”Baby daddies” are far more common than many people realize.) I had a 16-year-old “foster son” who was propositioned every week or more often, specifically by girls who grew up being sexualized as children - who defined their worth almost totally based on boys and men seeing them as sexually desirable. The vast majority of them were raised in the hip-hop culture.
MANY girls never experience this as a stage through which they move, and the result is devastating.
Comment by Ray — June 1, 2008 @ 10:10 pm
Julie of #11, I think there is a difference between ballroom dance and the dance recital Shelah described. Yes, in Latin ballroom, the moves can be extremely suggestive and the costumes very lacking in LDS-standard modesty; however, shimmying in age-inappropriate clothing to lyrics like “Shake that thing like we in the city of sin…” is an entirely different ball game. . . er, dance floor.
Comment by Janell the Great — June 1, 2008 @ 10:21 pm
Ray, I grew up sheltered, I sheltered by children more by almost never watching tv (though never forbidding it) never bringing pop-culture materials into the house (though, also, never forbidding them) so my girls grew up finding such things rather bizarre. I only know my experience. Yours, elsewhere, I know is sad and truthful; I have nothing to say about it.
Comment by djinn — June 1, 2008 @ 10:41 pm
This is why we dropped dance for our girls. The studio was carefully chosen for their costumes and dance style. Over the years it changed, to suggestive music and costumes. When I asked the studio owner about the change, (she knew why we chose her studio over others) she said it was because they lost so many points in competitions if they didn’t, that was what was expected. I asked why the girls that weren’t in the comp lines were dressing and dancing the same way, she said it was because they were being groomed for the comp lines. So we talked to our girls and decided to drop. It was a good chance to talk over our standards and the girls came up with the answers themselves. Unfortunately, here in MN we are the minority, but we let the owner know why we left and haven’t felt too bad about it since.
Comment by wistfulblue — June 1, 2008 @ 10:50 pm
Seeing little girls do booty dances to questionable music is the main reason my husband and I elected not to enroll my daughter in dance classes. Instead, we’ve chosen tumbling, soccer, swimming, and other physical outlets. I had considered signing her up for a mini-clinic taught by a local drill team, but it didn’t work out. Talking to other parents who enrolled their daughters, it was more of the same if not a little worse than what you described.
There are so many parents who complain about the increased sexualization of society and then put their children in dance and hoot and holler while their children dance this way. There is no need to sexualize our young children.
Comment by princess jen — June 1, 2008 @ 10:57 pm
Hey #28, as a complete non-dancer (congenitally clumsy and awkward–I should have been put into dance to develop some body-awareness), I love So You Think You Can Dance, too. I was heartened this past week when they told several girls that their booty-shaking wasn’t dancing and that they should never ever do it again. Those who seem to do really well seem like they have taken seriously technical classes–maybe starting with ballet and then moving into modern dance–something with extreme discipline. Not the typical “dance” classes taught by people with questionable technique and even worse judgment.
So maybe watching SYTYCD with your kids and talking about all the different styles and what seems to be good or not might be a good place to start.
Comment by mew — June 1, 2008 @ 11:08 pm
My girls aren’t in dance, but would love to be, and I plan to let them start taking it later this year. HOWEVER. I’m following the lead of one of my sisters and very carefully selecting a dance that is a feeder for the local ballet company. They tend to have very professional, old school teachers - no rump shaking allowed.
Comment by Sue — June 1, 2008 @ 11:09 pm
Yikes. My daughter is 18mos old. It sickens me to think of her being subjected to this nonsense. She does appear to have a penchant for soccer - maybe we can stick with that. Or ballet-only. If my memory serves, the main accoutrement of dance that little girls really want is a tutu.
Comment by Ana — June 2, 2008 @ 12:54 am
There’s good dance and bad dance. It just takes some time to sift through all the cheesy unhealthy studios everywhere. I’m a creative dance teacher with a degree in dance and can tell you that there are healthy, age appropriate dance classes around for children. It just takes some searching. Dance, movement and creativity are so important for a child’s development on so many levels. It’s a sad that parents are having kids refrain from dance because the most common dance studios that give children’s dance a bad name. Don’t give up! Search for “creative dance” (and don’t worry your child wont be a rock or a tree for an hour). If it is a good class your children will be learning developmentally sound technique while engaging the mind body connection. Imagery will often facilitate their movement and children of all ages will be having an aesthetic experiences and learning to draw connections to all aspects of life. They will be leaping, galloping, and much more while having a wonderful time. Their costumes wont be about making them look sexy but will about adding to the art that they are creating and presenting. Look for studios that offer dance as an art.
Let the dance studios know what you are looking for and don’t be shy about telling them what you aren’t looking for. I think they’ll appreciate the feedback.
I took a course called Dance and Gender and we talked about this very issue and it’s really sad to think that the very people (moms, dads and others) that want the best for their daughters are actually encouraging unhealthy misunderstandings about body and self image. The body is beautiful and can be used to make beautiful artistic movement that is uplifting, deep and wonderful.
I’ve witness children of all ages with the help of instructors create and perform beautiful dances that inspire audiences. Ballet is also very good and offers wonderfully useful artistic and technical development but should probably come when children are at least six years of age or later so that it isn’t harmful to their body. But, schools that offer ballet before that are probably teaching a more creative pre-ballet. Just make sure it’s whole body movement and safe for little feet, hips and knees.
A dance schedule that involves creative contemporary dance with ballet is ideal for the developing artist in your child. I have to say I also love tap, Jazz (when done in good taste) and other styles too. Most style can be taught in a healthy way it just takes finding the right teacher and studio.
Comment by camille — June 2, 2008 @ 5:49 am
There’s good dance and bad dance. It just takes some time to sift through all the cheesy unhealthy studios everywhere. I’m a creative dance teacher with a degree in dance and can tell you that there are healthy, age appropriate dance classes around for children. It just takes some searching. Dance, movement and creativity are so important for a child’s development on so many levels. It’s a sad that parents are having kids refrain from dance because the most common dance studios that give children’s dance a bad name. Don’t give up! Search for “creative dance” (and don’t worry your child wont be a rock or a tree for an hour). If it is a good class your children will be learning developmentally sound technique while engaging the mind body connection. Imagery will often facilitate their movement and children of all ages will be having an aesthetic experiences and learning to draw connections to all aspects of life. They will be leaping, galloping, and much more while having a wonderful time. Their costumes wont be about making them look sexy but will about adding to the art that they are creating and presenting. Look for studios that offer dance as an art.
Let the dance studios know what you are looking for and don’t be shy about telling them what you aren’t looking for. I think they’ll appreciate the feedback.
I took a course called Dance and Gender and we talked about this very issue and it’s really sad to think that the very people (moms, dads and others) that want the best for their daughters are actually encouraging unhealthy misunderstandings about body and self image. The body is beautiful and can be used to make beautiful artistic movement that is uplifting, deep and wonderful.
I’ve witness children of all ages with the help of instructors create and perform beautiful dances that inspire audiences. Ballet is also very good and offers wonderfully useful artistic and technical development but should probably come when children are at least six years of age or later (I’ve heard eight years also) so that it isn’t harmful to their body. But, schools that offer ballet before that are probably teaching a more creative pre-ballet. Just make sure it’s whole body movement and safe for little feet, hips and knees.
A dance schedule that involves creative contemporary dance with ballet is ideal for the developing artist in your child. I have to say I also love tap, Jazz (when done in good taste) and other styles too. Most style can be taught in a healthy way it just takes finding the right teacher and studio.
Comment by camille — June 2, 2008 @ 5:54 am
This post is music to my ears! For years I’ve watched “dance” recitals and wondered what suggestive outfits and tons of make-up had to do with dancing. Admittedly, I am no dancer myself, but as it turns out, my 3-year-old daughter actually has some rhythm and a proclivity for dancing to anything. I would love to encourage her to dance, but with the costumes, stripper-like moves, plus body-image and eating disorder issues that I’ve seen come from dancing, I’m more than hesitant. I guess it just comes down to research!
(Don’t even get me started on Bratz dolls. What is up with toys these days anyway?)
Comment by Jensie — June 2, 2008 @ 6:39 am
Camille–yes! You are always so smart.
This post comes at just the right time–I was thinking this very morning about how embarrassing my high school dance recitals and dances were. What was our school instructor thinking? We danced to very suggestive, age-inappropriate songs from Chicago, Sweet Charity, Cabaret, etc… with very age-inappropriate costumes. I didn’t have a problem with them then, but now I do–and this was high school–not little girls’ dance. I wish someone would have told me how ridiculous and embarrassing I would think all of that was now. The standard definition and expressions of “jazz” dancing is not artistic or creative at all (for younger folks). –Like #37 suggests, there is definitely good dance out there for kids, but it certainly takes time to sift though what the lowest common denominator interprets it as.
Comment by Charlita — June 2, 2008 @ 7:35 am
Dh was on the int’l folk dance team (toured 3 years:) ) and he told me I ought to tell y’all that if you feel uncomfortable with the way youth dance classes do things, he noticed that some of the girls in his group who did well (despite not having done dance classes before) were musicians who had been physically active in other ways. So, if you’re into dance and want your kids to be able to do it later, but are turned off to the way the dance studios in your area do it, have you kid learn a musical instrument.
Comment by sare — June 2, 2008 @ 7:59 am
well, you guys have guilted me into writing an email to the company director. She’s so sweet, and I want to be nice about it (it’s the first year of the dance company), so I have to mull it over a bit. My dd also plays soccer and piano, so she’s getting good all-around development, but she loves dance. And until I saw the recital, I had no idea that the bigger girls were getting a completely different experience with the dance company than she was.
smartmama– I of M has not come in the mail yet. Media mail is slow.
Camille– I really appreciate the dance teacher’s perspective. Thanks!
Comment by Shelah — June 2, 2008 @ 8:24 am
Also wanted to say, if you’re in the utah-valley area, there is a program at BYU for kids called “young dancemakers.” I believe you can just get in the first year, and admission for subsequent years has to do with how well your kid does/enjoys it. I’ve heard lots of good things about this program.
Also, you can always do folk dance! (clogging, like someone mentioned, irish dancing, etc.) I think those genres are less likely to air on the suggestive side. Usually.
Comment by sare — June 2, 2008 @ 8:53 am
Were the older girls ALL suggestive? It’s always seemed to me that jazz and modern were more suggestive, and tap and ballet weren’t. (I guess it’s hard to shake your booty when you have to click your heels as well!) So if you just kept your daughter doing tap and ballet, she wouldn’t ever face the problem . . .
Comment by Beth — June 2, 2008 @ 10:04 am
Well here’s an interesting youtube link on a 10 year old Irish Dancing Champion. A much better role model to the younger ones, IMO
Comment by Not Ophelia — June 2, 2008 @ 10:55 am
Wow. Where to begin. I have a 5-year-old girl.
1. I canNOT find jeans/pants/shorts/cargos/capris that are NOT the low-cut, low-rise kind. I buy six 6-7 for her so she can have a waistband at her waistline, but she bends over and I can still see her crack.
2. I never did buy into the “regular” dance thing because of the sexualization of little girls and had always simply planned on putting mine in karate and/or Irish dance (heck, in my town, March 17 is nearly a bank holiday).
3. “Prostitot” didn’t get coined here; it’s been making the rounds a while.
4. I thought Jon-Benet Ramsey’s mother should’ve been arrested for child abuse. I’ve seen documentaries on the baby beauty pageants and I’m…horrified. Maybe I’m just a prude.
5. I find it terribly ironic that while child molesters are becoming increasingly feared, parents still parade their children in front of them (whoever they are in a crowd) like a spoiled kid taunts a starving man with food he won’t be given.
You know, I’m all for sexual expression. I, like Elise, have done the belly dance thing and it’s empowering, enlightening, and sexual in a mother-earth-goddess way, the same way the African drum dances are. I like a whole lot of things a good LDS adult woman probably shouldn’t, but keyword here is…
Woman.
Adult.
Can make her own choices about what and where and when and how much.
I as a consumer, a mother with a little girl to dress, have no choice as to pants because they aren’t on the market (or I haven’t found them yet–referrals solicited and appreciated), and it canNOT be because there is no demand. So I’ll end up sewing. Or paying outrageous prices for something that goes to her waist.
You know, I should stop now. I started posting in list style so I wouldn’t expound enough to get all riled up again, but I’m getting riled up anyway.
This topic really REALLY pushes my buttons.
Comment by MoJo — June 2, 2008 @ 11:26 am
Beth-
It wasn’t all of the older girls dances. The ballet was all fine, the tap ok too, most of the jazz was even fine. It was mostly just the one girl (twice) in super-scanty outfits and a few of the hip hop songs. I didn’t even mind when the hip hop dancers were all adults, it was just when they were 8yo and shaking their booty like they were livin in the city of sin… And then there was a big long modern dance about domestic abuse, which was weird, although beautiful in its own way.
Comment by Shelah — June 2, 2008 @ 12:12 pm
Camille–
I don’t know if you’re still reading this, but I have a good friend named Camille who is a dancer/has a degree in dance. Do you happen to speak Spanish? Visit my blog and email me please
Comment by FoxyJ — June 2, 2008 @ 4:18 pm
MoJo, it’s very hit-and-miss, but try second hand shops/consignment shops. The low-rise fad hasn’t always been with us so you can often find higher-cut pants there. The problem is, of course, that they can look really daggy and out of fashion, so like I said it’s hit-and-miss, but it’s worth a shot.
Comment by Quimby — June 2, 2008 @ 5:48 pm
You would have been appalled at my ward’s talent night — interspersed with the comic numbers and dads singing numbers from Phantom were seven-year-olds doing fanny-wiggling “Jazz” style dancing to Avril Levigne’s charming song “Boyfriend” (they carefully edited the profanity but left in everything else from the line “she’s so stupid, what the —- were you thinking?”; I can’t remember what they did with the four-syllable compound swear words but I believe I thought it was remarkably creative.) What was even creepier, honestly, is that I’m pretty sure it was a Kids Bop recording. Oh, and the fact that the audience was thrilled by the performance. The girls were getting rave reviews hours later; the only other kids who came close to that reaction were the ones who broke blocks of wood in two.
It sort of reminded me, actually, of being the only kid at sport camp to wonder (at least out loud) whether our parents would really approve of us dancing in a suggestive manner to Janet Jackson’s latest hit — I don’t remember the name of the song, but I do remember that we were pretending to be sex slaves and had a pretend pole dance moment, with half the girls playing poles. Even the adult leaders thought my question was nonsensical, and that was fifteen years ago. My dad (not a Mormon) never sent me back to that camp…
All of which makes me glad to have been a musical theatre, Sea Cadets, Irish Dancing girl in high school. I may have been the biggest geek in the Western world, but all the cheesy home videos of my performances were strictly “G” rated.
Comment by Sarah — June 2, 2008 @ 7:12 pm
The fact that there were so many parents who commented that they felt the provocative dancing was inappropriate is heartwarming. I’m not a mother (yet) and I’m terrified about how I’m going to protect any future daughters I might have. I was sexually abused by my older brother and there are two things I feel are responsible for my brother’s lack of control.
1. As much as my parents tried to keep pornography out of the house, provocative and sexually explicit material is so saturated in the media that he still became addicted.
2. My parents were very uncomfortable talking about sex which left us uncomfortable about feelings we had as we went through puberty. It also left me unwilling to talk to my parents about what my brother was doing to me.
You may wonder what this has to do with the conversation about dance. Parents have to teach their children the difference between inappropriate and appropriate dance. If the parents don’t there will be someone out there who is willing to take advantage of their naivety. Young girls do like to dress-up and mimic the beautiful girls they see on TV and in the movies. In addition to making choices about what you let your kids see, you should also talk to them about why things are inappropriate so that they understand. Knowledge is power!
Finding a balance between modesty and self-image problems can definitely be challenging. I certainly don’t know the answer. Definitely don’t make your daughters feel like they are responsible for other’s inappropriate actions. When my mother found out what my brother was doing, she blamed me and said that I had provoked him. I was only 10 years old and if I’d ever done anything that could be considered provocative it was because I was mimicking something I’d seen on TV and had no idea it was sexual. It really crushed my self-image for many years. So, please don’t do that to your daughters. Explain to them why it is inappropriate and that it’s not their fault but it’s best not to give others the wrong idea about their morals.
Unfortunately, in today’s world it is never too early to start talking about these issues with your kids. The average age for kids to be sexually abused is 9 years old. The web site http://www.darknesstolight.org/ has lots more information on how to talk to your kids, how to keep them safe and what to do if your child is abused.
Comment by Angela May — June 2, 2008 @ 8:07 pm
First of all let me state that I agree with the posters here that little girls do not need to dress and dance this way.
What I am really wondering is how some of the posters here repeatedly argue both sides of this issue.
Over and over on threads here it has been yelled from the rooftops that a young woman should be able to wear whatever she wants, and it should not be considered arousing by the young men that might see her. That modesty is somewhat self definable, and just because a girl dresses in very skimpy clothes doesn’t mean she is being provocative.
Now you seem to have changed sides. Please explain this to me.
Comment by SomeClarification — June 3, 2008 @ 9:07 am
Re #51: For what it’s worth, my impression of the arguments that (young) women shouldn’t be forced to be accountable for the thoughts they might arouse in young men is that it should be taken at face value. Speaking from personal experience when I was a “red-blooded young man,” I’ve found even the very modestly-dressed young women at church to be incredibly alluring. And this was not an abnormal reaction–as has often been pointed out by our leaders, we have a lot of beautiful young women in the church. In fact, I even developed a “thing” for modestly-dressed girls, and my first crush/girlfriend developed because I found her modesty attractive. (Our relationship was 98% chaste, and the 2% wasn’t worth losing a recommend over, don’t worry!)
Now, it is incredibly wrong to even conceive of blaming these chaste, lovely young women for the fact that I or other young men might have been tempted to do more than read Scriptures with them. At least a couple of talks from church leaders have seemed to go a little too far in expresssing that kind of sentiment, and I think that’s what previous FMH posts may have been reacting to.
While our young women should dress modestly, the burden on me as a young man is to resist temptation regardless of how my sisters in the church might dress. We can’t expect them to wear head-to-toe “hijab” curtains just because as a teen boy, I found all parts of teen girls to be attractive.
Comment by Bro. Jones — June 3, 2008 @ 9:59 am
#51 - Yes, there is a conflict there that can be difficult. This is one of those issues (like most, actually) that does not have a good “extreme” position; the balance really is a balance, and those are the real test of our commitment to personal responsibility.
Comment by Ray — June 3, 2008 @ 10:16 am
Bro. Jones,
You do not understand my post - possibly because I was not clear enough. I totally agree with what you are saying. What I am asking is why are there numerous threads here constantly stating that young women should be able to wear whatever they want, and now this thread demonizes them and their dance teachers for wearing whatever they want.
Comment by SomeClarification — June 3, 2008 @ 10:24 am
#51, I don’t see a contradiction. As you say, feminists (generally) do believe that young women should be able to wear what they want without worrying about how men will react. However, this thread is, by and large, not talking about “young women”, but “children”, usually meaning pre-pubescent or at least early teens. These are two very different groups! If you survey feminist blogs you will find that feminists are often very concerned about the sexualization of young girls.
Comment by Doug Hudson — June 3, 2008 @ 10:48 am
I also am a dance teacher and I would like to echo camille’s sentiment that there IS quality instruction out there and that it is most often found in establishments that promote and teach the artistic elements of dance, rather than focusing solely on dance as entertainment or sport. It can be difficult for parents to find this in private studios in the U.S. and sometimes studio owners talk a good talk but recitals usually display the true focus of the school. I encourage all parents to thoroughly check out any dance school before deciding to invest in their classes for your child. It can be time consuming and occasionally frustrating, but worth it. And, remember that relying on word of mouth only works if the other source feels the same as you do about these issues. I hope that more parents will speak up and put their money into establishments that share their concerns instead of just going along or giving up on dance altogether.
Sadly, I’ve had many parents that can only conceive of dance as commercial and WANT to see their girls in those flashy (and sometimes scandalous) costumes, all dancing in unison, with kicks up to their eyeballs (no matter how poor the technique). I think it is just mostly a lack of education in the arts and not recognizing what behaviors or attitudes they may be reinforcing, but their money rules the BUSINESS of dance - supply and demand. I have created a blog for dance students, teachers (and parents too) that includes information about recognizing quality dance education. I have also recently posted an article about boys in dance that is worth a read even if you have girls because often if a school can get it right for the guys, the girls benefit too! I am also including some articles on bringing art and education into dance studios. I would be honored for concerned parents to read, comment, and dialog on these and other topics. Sorry for the plug, but I thought some of you dance parents might want to check it out. Thanks so much for a very interesting read!!
Comment by Nichelle — June 3, 2008 @ 2:05 pm
Sexualization of children aside, is this specific example of an 11 year old dancing to “Hit me with a hot note” while wearing a bikini top and a music note embellishing her botoms that worrisome?
I didn’t see the dance, but it seems that this particular person is too young to be worried about modesty. Perhaps a bikini top wasn’t the best choice, but I wouldn’t rush to swathe her in a t-shirt in the name of decency.
Comment by jane — June 3, 2008 @ 8:14 pm
If you live in the Salt Lake/Sandy area, a wonderful dance studio is Utah Dance Center; it is ballet/jazz/tap only, with a heavy emphasis on ballet. Many of their students go on to get dance scholarships at BYU/UofU. As a convert and an East Coast gal, I was SHOCKED by how many Mormons, who claim to want “modesty” for their daughters, don’t mind the skanky “dancing” and outfits in the “competitions” out here. It is so hypocritical. However, I found Utah Dance Center and its program is classy and what you would want for your daughters.
Comment by jen — June 3, 2008 @ 11:09 pm
#55 - I don’t recall any recent threads here saying that young women should wear “whatever they want”–not saying there’s never been one, just that I haven’t seen it. If I saw one, I would probably disagree with it, and post something similar to what I said earlier.
As for this particular topic of dancewear, I agree with #56 that most feminists would find the sexualization of little girls or even young adolescents to be troubling.
Comment by Bro. Jones — June 4, 2008 @ 8:27 am
since we’ve gotten into dance studio reccomendations… does anyone in the utah valley area have anything to say about Center Stage dance? It’s supposed to be the best program around here… and I’m starting my 6 yo in ballet there next week.
Comment by sare — June 4, 2008 @ 10:12 am
Sare,
The Pointe Academy in Lindon is fantastic. Don’t know if you’ve committed to CS yet, but you should check it out!
Comment by K. — June 5, 2008 @ 9:56 pm
This post reminded me of the movie ‘Little Miss Sunshine’. Anybody else seen it? It’s very irreverent and wrongly funny (and rated R, so if you’re strict about eschewing certain ratings….), but it ended with a little girl version of Miss America. I don’t want to give to much away, but the events of that pageant make a great commentary on the whole “little miss” pageant phenomenon and, I think, early sexualization of little girls. Which sexualization just makes me crazy.
MoJo, #46: Marigold is not quite 2 yet, so this may make it easier, but about half of her jeans and shorts are from the “boys” section. She has some of the frillier stuff, but I don’t want that to be the norm–I want her to run and play and climb and get muddy, and that means less emphasis on fashion. (I’m also against pink having more than its fair representation in her wardrobe palate.)
I’m a big fan of Irish dancing and ballroom, and I think karate and other sports are great ideas for alternatives. Same with music lessons. I think we’ll wait until Marigold is about 7 to start actual classes, though. I get uncomfortable when parents put their kids in those programs when they’re still very young, but I understand the value it has to other parents. I just think they should be outside making mudpies or inside building forts while they’ll still enjoy the experience. Kinda like Blue and her books conversation with her daughter.
Comment by Artemis — June 6, 2008 @ 4:20 pm
Also, for those who feel like there’s some inconsistency by feminists (& particularly fMh feminists) about the issue of girls’ sexuality and choices of what to wear, I recommend reading this post and the response post by Hugo Schwyzer linked at the bottom of it. It’s not directly related to prosti-tots, but I think it helps navigate some of the thinking that informs aversions to sexy dance costumes for children. In particular, he articulates a key difference between being objects of desire and subjects of desire. My application here is that babies and kids are simply not aware of sexuality (nor should they be) unless it has been prematurely taught to them, either by media messages (sometimes subtle, sometimes not), parental/family/social expectations, or by would-be exploiters of them. They are naturally not subjects of desire. Premature sexualization, while some may find it cute, only makes them more vulnerable to abuse or exploitation and they are not big enough or aware enough to protect themselves from it. Ergo, because they are not subjects of desire and can’t protect themselves from predators, society should protect them from being objects of desire, in any circumstance.
Comment by Artemis — June 6, 2008 @ 4:26 pm
Artemis,
The irony of that movie is how SHE dances…. I don’t think it was social commentary on HER dancing, but the others… Yet, her dancing (which is applauded - by both family and audience alike) is the epitome of sexualization.
Comment by Elise — June 6, 2008 @ 4:32 pm
Yes, I know, but it drives home the point of why what the other girls are doing is so wrong. Also, if you’ll remember, “the audience” doesn’t applaud her (except her family & 1 other), the audience as a whole rejects it (can’t face the mirror, I guess), but the lesson’s there. Plus she is completely unaware that it’s sexual. I think her family is equally horrified, but want to support HER. So I think they are applauding HER, not her dancing. Remember they’d never seen her practice the routine.
Comment by Artemis — June 6, 2008 @ 4:34 pm
thank you LDS ladies,
YOU MAKE ME PROUD!
I WAS RAISED IN SOUTHWESTERN IDAHO,
WHEN I TURNED 40 I DECIDED TO GO “LDS” CALIFORNIA MADE ME DO IT. MY DAD IN IOWA ASKED ME WHAT HAD TAKEN ME SO LONG ? ALL MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS HAD BEEN “LDS”? As a matter of fact if my buddies weren’t “LDS” I wasn’t allow to go out with them.My moms test question was….what ward are you from? if the kid didn’t even know what a “ward” was, i wasn’t going anywhere but to the family resturant to help the rest of the night! I do think that ballroom dancing is on the way to the gutter! It is being corrupted by the emmy-money hungry networks! LDS needs to distance them selves from the network influences.PLEASE LET THE NETWORK KNOW,ENOUGH! THEIR SPONSORS.My next move is “back-home” to Idaho, or maybe a cute,intelligent LDS lady awaits me to raise a decent family in Utah! GOD BLESS. WE CAN DO IT!
Comment by AL CARIAGA JR. — November 12, 2008 @ 12:55 am