To the man wearing the hot pink tank top at the gym
Sometimes, I need more than Van Halen blasting from my iPod to get me through the last .5 miles on the treadmill (Hot shoe, burnin’ down the avenue. Model citizen, zero discipline.)
When I’m really struggling and searching for a distraction from my thoughts of why am I not at home watching the Today show in my pjs instead, I start composing blog posts in my head. This can be quite an effective strategy, and I’ve written many a witty post in my self-appointed role as a keen social commentator as I watch the treadmill miles tick closer and closer to 5.0. But then I get home and realize that the imaginary posts are really just mundane, boring, quotidian junk that would take too long for me to even write about coherently, let alone with any degree of wit.
This morning, however, I promised myself that if I made it through my workout without stopping to “catch my breath”, I’d finally write that post about the thoughts running through my head as I ran. Why this motivated me to run faster is anyone’s guess, but here goes.
To the man wearing the hot pink fitted tank top and the long-ish hair at the gym, I apologize for doing a double take and staring a little too long at your hairy chest this morning. The hairy chest threw me for a loop. I thought you were a woman.
Speaking of tank tops, I think I forgot to wash the one I’m wearing this morning. I must have grabbed it off the laundry pile in my early-morning induced stupor. Is it weird that I kind of like smelling sweaty? Not the disgusting smell of fermenting, caked-on sweat, but the kinda salty, kinda sweet smell. Probably.
Wouldn’t it be nice, though, if I could wear a sign on my forehead that said “Yes, I know I stink, but I grabbed the wrong tank top this morning.” These kinds of signs could come in handy. Especially this one - “I know I’m being a jerk, but I’m feeling fragile and insecure today. Please ignore me”. The forehead signs could be like the status lines on gtalk or Facebook. Because sometimes it would be nice to announce your mood to the world without actually having to announce your mood to the world, you know?
I wonder who Barack Obama’s pick for VP will be. Doesn’t John McCain know that he sounds creepy and insincere whenever he says “my friends”? Who does he think he’s kidding?
(Watching the Olympics on T.V) I wish I could do something better than everyone else in the world. It’s a huge accomplishment to be the fastest woman or man, but when you’re only one one hundredths of a second faster than the person behind you, I guess it’s not such a big deal, really. Which is why I’m not so head over heels for Michael Phelps.
Although, I loved the interview Michael did with his mother Debbie. He clearly adores his mother. And his mother seems like an outstanding, classy lady. Kudos to her for raising an Olympic champion as a single mother. I wonder why you never hear anything about Michael’s father? Was he really that bad?
Speaking of mothers, what an awesome finish for the Romanian mother in the marathon. Wow. Why can’t I run like that? Could I? Yeah, right. You just dropped out of your marathon training. I wonder if I should be worried about that. I just don’t enjoy running distances anymore. Anything after 10 miles and I start panicking. Maybe I’m getting old and soft and need to push myself harder. But, I really, really hate carrying water and food when I run. Those Clif Shot Bloks were kind of disgusting. Especially the orange flavor. I have to call my sister.
damn you woman, i can’t get that song out of my head.
PANAMA!!! OH OH OH OH OH OH
Comment by mfranti — August 20, 2008 @ 9:13 am
..;.and don’t forget the 33 year old german gymnast that took a gold on the vault (oh god, i hope i got all that right)
nothing will make you feel good about your age like a husband ,who is four years younger, saying, “, come quick…she’s your age!”
Comment by mfranti — August 20, 2008 @ 9:17 am
“I start composing blog posts in my head.”
Hey, I do this too. (See also: Stuck in traffic.)
They never seem to be quite as good when written down.
“The forehead signs could be like the status lines on gtalk or Facebook. Because sometimes it would be nice to announce your mood to the world without actually having to announce your mood to the world, you know?”
Upside: Saves time; nice to announce to everyone. This is good.
Downside: Would spend waaaay too much time trying to think up halfway clever status lines for this one, too.
Comment by Kaimi — August 20, 2008 @ 9:23 am
I could definitely use some of those forehead signs!
My husband says exactly the same thing about John McCain and “my friends.”
FWIW, mfranti, my husband is exactly two years and one week younger than I am, so for the one week between our birthdays, there’s a three year age difference between us. He LOVES to walk around the house in mock sorrow, making sad little comments like, “OH, I can’t believe I’m about to turn THIRTY-FIVE.”
Fun post, ECS. The only way I can bear the gym is by listening to books on tape and on CD (I download them to my Ipod) so I’m completely clueless about what’s going on and mostly in desperate suspense to find out what happens next in my book. But I’ve had the same experience with blog posts–sometimes the ones I think will work well when I’m lying awake at night staring at the ceiling look a lot different by the cold hard light of day the next morning, and I mentally crumple them up and shoot them into the garbage can.
Comment by ZD Eve — August 20, 2008 @ 9:37 am
My running time on the streets fulfills many functions. Time alone with no interruptions, problem solving and just plain meditation. I also have composed many blogs only to trash them when I sit down at the keyboard. My favorite time to run is Sunday morning at 6 AM. The streets are deserted and it is quiet and peaceful. No Ipod, I like to hear the birds.
Sweaty tank top? The least of my worries. With the bedhead I sport in the mornings I’m scary enough that no one gets close enough to smell me. Also, that’s probably another reason I like the streets as opposed to a gym. Anonymity.
The guy in the pink tank top? I quite often carry my little point and shoot camera on my wrist while running. That would definately be blog-worthy!
Comment by Darlene — August 20, 2008 @ 11:10 am
I really ought to get back into running. Before my last baby I was up to 6 miles and feeling pretty proud of myself- he’s one now, so I don’t have an excuse for only doing 20 minutes on the elliptical.
Whenever I read the word “composing” I read it, “composting”. Which is confusing, and amusing.
Comment by Alliegator — August 20, 2008 @ 11:12 am
I love this ECS. It’s a great post. Though you should never downplay your running (even if it’s not the fastest in the world)
I’ve run races with ECS and when I’m hitting mile 2 she’s been done with the race for 10 minutes.
The problem with forehead signs are that people might then want to talk to you about them. Like why are you feeling fragile and insecure? And usually when I feel that way, I want to tell people to piss off. It does make for good socializing.
I hate Clif Bars too. And I should probably call my sister.
Comment by amri — August 20, 2008 @ 11:13 am
Darlene, I’m with you, running for alone time. No kids, no dh, no phone, no responsibilities, just me and my ipod.
I usually don’t think about much, since all my energy is used to keep putting one foot in front of another. I can’t run and think at the same time. It must have something to do with my hair color.
Comment by Abby — August 20, 2008 @ 11:18 am
I am trying to work back up to running 5miles a day…. I would love to see an exercise posts one of these days….
Comment by lemondrop — August 20, 2008 @ 11:24 am
Apology accepted. I have come to realize that being stared at by women just comes with the territory when you have a physique like mine.
Comment by Mark IV — August 20, 2008 @ 11:34 am
Mark IV,
LOL!
Awesome. Please wear the hot pink tank top next year when you make your inaugural appearance at Sunstone.
I was reading a book at the gym today, when the power went out.
And, the strangest thing was that the machines (my elliptical included) kept working. Nobody skipped a beat, although the TVs went off so others were looking around strangely.
Then they made us evacuate. It was really bizarre. I guess an accident on the street corner caused a power outage.
But, at least with no lights, you can’t see MarkIV in his hot pink tank.
Comment by jessawhy — August 20, 2008 @ 11:59 am
I’m imagining little signs like these. I must admit, I really like that song, especially for running.
I like my own sweaty smell too. Not the BO smell, just the “I worked hard today” smell. Maybe it’s enough to convince me to go hit the treadmill. But not until I finish writing.
Have you tried hiding stuff in the bushes when you run? From what I’ve read recently, hot tamales and snickers bars work just as well as shot bloks, and taste a heck of a lot better.
I’m guessing the VP stuff won’t come out until after the Olympics are over on Sunday. But I must admit that I’m feeling some major Olympic fatigue right now.
The Romanian mom was awesome! And she’s 38– could I shave 1:03 off my marathon time in the next five years?
Comment by Shelah — August 20, 2008 @ 12:48 pm
… my eyes, my ears…oh god, why did i click on that link…
Comment by mfranti — August 20, 2008 @ 12:55 pm
Shelah, I’m going to add it to my running playlist.
Comment by Abby — August 20, 2008 @ 1:01 pm
Sorry, mfranti? I think I’m still 12 when it comes to music choices. Next time I’ll send you a Miley Cyrus link.
But see, Abby likes it!
Comment by Shelah — August 20, 2008 @ 1:05 pm
Ha, that is so funny. I have composed quite a few blog posts in my head. When I try to write them down there are either to many details, or it was just random things like what you posted above.
However, I have to agree on the “why can’t I be special?” and “wouldn’t it be fun to be an Olympian?” and then, I did butt lifts today in my workout and couldn’t go past twenty before I had to drop my leg to take a breather. Got home and jumped in the shower and thought..I guess I am fine with being fat! Because that was DAAAAANNNG hard today.
I think my special Olympic talent would be speaking like a New Yorker. For a Utahan, I can do it pretty well. Who knows what I would sound like in New York.
Comment by Sunshine — August 20, 2008 @ 1:28 pm
HA HA! Tell me about it!!! for realz!!
Comment by Merrianne — August 20, 2008 @ 1:29 pm
mfranti - seriously. you can’t beat that song when you need an extra “oomph” in your step. Although, the guitar solo in Sweet Child ‘o Mine comes close. I tried listening to some “new” music when I run (Shut Your Eyes by Snow Patrol is good), but I need my ’80s hair bands like Dumbo needed his magic feather.
About the forehead signs - I think you could also add whether or not you wanted people to ask you about your “status”. But that’s a good point, Amri. I was thinking about how if we really knew what was going on inside someone’s head, we wouldn’t be so quick to judge them.
I have a love/hate codependent (albeit one sided) relationship with running. When the wind is at your back and you’re feeling strong cruising down the road or tearing up the single track - well, there’s nothing like it. But those first few miles can be tough Especially when you get passed by some 15 year old.
I haven’t tried the hot tamales, that’s a good idea! I think I’ll get some now, actually. Yum. And I haven’t tried hiding water in the bushes, because I’m too lazy to drive the route before I run it. I guess I started getting discouraged about my long runs because I’d obsess about them for the entire week before. Is the weather going to be too hot? Do I have enough GU’s or Propel water? Is my blister fully healed or am I going to be tormented for the last 7 miles again? Does my iPod and Garmin have enough juice? Ugh. Shut up and run already.
Comment by ECS — August 20, 2008 @ 1:34 pm
There’s this very nice, sweet lunatic in my ward who is currently training for a 2-day, 500 mile bike ride through Death Valley.
And I’m not sure whether I should be supporting her, or contacting local mental hospitals. I mean, 500 miles through Death Valley. That’s gotta be in the DSM somewhere, doesn’t it?
Comment by Kaimi — August 20, 2008 @ 1:40 pm
#17, were you responding to the comment i deleted because i am a coward and didn’t really feel like getting into a discussion about horrible music?
please say yes.
Comment by mfranti — August 20, 2008 @ 1:41 pm
yes, we frequently turn on the butt rock stations to get a charge in the afternoon. more like palette cleanser after the NiPR all day long.
Comment by mfranti — August 20, 2008 @ 1:42 pm
Yeah. Under masochist disorders.
Comment by ECS — August 20, 2008 @ 2:16 pm
Shelah
Were you serious about snickers bars and hot tamales working as good as gels/shot bloks?? If so, you have just made my day! I usually just pack around my own personal vice of swedish fish on long runs, but have been trying to gag down shot bloks in my marathon training this year. And I second dropping off the water bottles every few miles. It’s a pain, especially since then you have to drive back and pick them all up, but sooo worth it. Just a tip, though–make sure you seal them up well. Once, I got to my last stop, mile 17 of 20, only to realize that ants had somehow broken into my drink and infested it so completely I couldn’t use it. I had been fantasizing about that gatorade for five miles, willing myself to make it to that last stop–I’m not too proud to admit that there were actual tears involved in that discovery!
Comment by kelli — August 20, 2008 @ 2:55 pm
Shelah, I know your a huge runner, since I just visited your site, and anyhoo, just wondering if you’re gone to participate in the Texas Ragnar in Oct? (don’t mean to thread jack, but, really, it ties in nicely - running and all)
Comment by Abby — August 20, 2008 @ 3:09 pm
Bon Jovi- It’s My Life. That will keep me going on the elliptical.
On my bike, I love being 40 and blowing by a sweating, panting youth. It makes me feel good all day. I know…unworthy.
Comment by Kimberly — August 20, 2008 @ 3:44 pm
I love “It’s my life” I also listen to “we got it going on” but I have to agree with older music. I love listening to Ace of Base, “It’s a Beautiful Life”. “Lost Highway” has a good beat to it too.
Comment by Sunshine — August 20, 2008 @ 4:57 pm
About the head signs… funny you should mention it! I picked up some cheap electronics from computer geeks and threw in a baseball cap that has an LED display across the hat. I gave it to my son. Now he can let me know his mood without me having to interrupt his gaming. Perhaps I should have gotten one for me to wear too. Then my clients can know how I feel without me having to say a word. I could see mom’s having the sign simply read “No” across it (scrolling of course because that is cool)
Comment by StillConfused — August 20, 2008 @ 6:16 pm
This sounds strange but for running/biking music I love AC/DC. It gets you going. Then the Greenday keeps you going when you need a nice steady rhythm. And finally, I love to end with Bob Dylan. Smooth and deep… just like me!
The most frequent sign on my forehead would read “Don’t call me Mom today.”
Comment by Eris — August 20, 2008 @ 7:16 pm
Ok, I am such a dork because I totally put in a YouTube video of the wrong song before! This is the one I wanted to put in, although the other one is the one I like to run to. Mfranti, resist the urge to click on the link
Kelli– I read some famous runner (can’t remember who and my toddler ripped up my magazine) quoted in the August Running Times saying that she eats mini Milky Ways and Hot Tamales while she runs. I think they’d probably melt, but I’m sure they taste better, even melted, than any kind of Gu or shot bloks. As far as shot bloks go, I swear by the Cran Raspberry and the Strawberry, which tastes just like the inside of a strawberry pop tart. But as soon as it’s not a zillion degrees here, I’m going running with chocolate!
Abby– I’m running St. George, so I’m pretty sure I won’t run the Texas Ragnar. I think my ward is doing a mixed team, and if they need someone at the very end and I can still walk after St. George, I might end up as an alternate. Are you doing it?
mpb– are you doing the TX Ragnar?
Comment by Shelah — August 20, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
Shelah, I like the 2nd song too. I’m not running the TX Ragnar. I registered for Utah Ragnar 2009. I was on the waiting list for 2 teams this past year and no-one dropped out. Good luck with the St. George Marathon.
Comment by Abby — August 20, 2008 @ 9:40 pm
“I’ve written many a witty post in my self-appointed role as a keen social commentator.” Ditto. Too bad it gets lost in translation because most times I feel like I’m terribly clever. It’s a sickness. I don’t know what’s more pathetic, writing hypothetical posts for a phantom audience or laughing at my own jokes.
“I wish I could do something better than everyone else in the world.” Yeah, except I find I’m too, well, mostly lazy.
Running distances sucks. I know you marathoners luuuuuv it but, after five miles, ick. And eating candy while running, double ick. Gooey mouth.
And, no Beastie Boys? RHCP? U2? They’re good for running.
Last but not least, no blood sisters to call but I do email my bros almost daily.
Comment by Lupita — August 20, 2008 @ 10:09 pm
Shelah: Assuming I can find a decent pair of skorts to wear, yes.
Kidding…
I don’t know. Last I checked, interest was rather lukewarm. As in the team was short five or six people and nobody seemed to feel terribly pressed to do anything about it. If it’s going to happen, I need to buckle down. I’m in no kind of running shape right now…it’s so incredibly different from cycling.
Abby, are you interested in a spot? The hill country is a nice place in the fall.
Comment by mpb — August 21, 2008 @ 8:37 am
“I know I’m being a jerk, but I’m feeling fragile and insecure today. Please ignore me”.
Print this on t-shirts, become rich.
Comment by marianne — August 21, 2008 @ 2:57 pm