It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas

By: Quimby - May 26, 2009

Each year around this time, as the warm weather is replaced by cold and my breath catches in my throat, I think: It’s time to start planning Christmas. Yes, after 13 years of living in the southern hemisphere, cold weather still brings with it a yuletide association.

Unfortunately, as the winter passes and the earth begins to bloom and the sun warms my skin again, I think: It’s time to start planning Christmas. Cold or hot, summer or winter, both put me in a Christmas spirit.

This has its bonuses: I am always the first one to complete my Christmas shopping. Not for me, leaving it until December! The presents are usually wrapped and gift-tagged by July; the Christmas cards addressed by August. By September, I’ve planned the Christmas baking and cooking and compiled the shopping lists. By November, the cookie dough is wrapped up in the freezer. By December, the house is decked out. By Christmas, I’m sick of it all.

Christmas is, of course, a stressful time for many families, and that is true for us as well. And so last year my husband and I wrote out and signed a formal Christmas contract: I cannot talk about Christmas before November 1. If I hold to the contract, he must buy presents for his side of the family. If I break the contract, I must buy presents for his side of the family.

Well, I made it to late April. And then, knowing that I was about to go on the compact, and knowing that a few friends of mine were expecting babies, I went to the craft store to stock up on felt for my stand-by baby gift. And they were having a clearance sale on their homewares. And before I knew it . . .

And now I face a dilemma: I have already paid the penalty, without committing the crime. I can confess to DH, therefore proving that I am truly a lost cause; or I can keep quiet, and let him believe I have reformed . . .

50 Comments »

  1. Are the present time-sensitive? You could keep quiet, pack them away, and use them next next Christmas . . . then you would have honored your part of the compact — you would not have talked about Christmas — and he would have to do the shopping for his side of the family. Which would no doubt make him appreciate your effort for the next year. It seems to me that this is win-win for you!

    Comment by Beth — May 26, 2009 @ 10:48 pm

  2. Ugh! Does he buy the presents for your side of the family? I am not a fan of his “reward” for you being that he looks after his side of the family- shouldn’t he be doing that anyway?

    We did thanksgiving in June last year for my birthday because that is what I wanted and it was cooler so I wasn’t as uncomfortable with the heat associated with cooking a turkey in November. Do what you want for Chirstmas when you want to, bah humbug with the rest.

    Comment by spunky — May 27, 2009 @ 12:27 am

  3. Spunky, let’s just say there were other “rewards” but, uh, I don’t feel comfortable discussing them on a blog. (See the footnote to Mathew’s latest post if you need a hint.)

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 12:38 am

  4. He’s going to “let” you in on the household budget? j/k…. Got it, but still… doing his shopping? I guess I am one of those very rare women who detests shopping- always have. I shudder at the thought of it. He should be doing that for his side of the family anyway, IMHO.

    Comment by spunky — May 27, 2009 @ 12:42 am

  5. this might be a bit of a threadjack. but i just HATE buying presents for my inlaws. hate it. after 8 years of marriage, i still don’t know what to get them, and my husband is hardly any help. he will probably be deployed this christmas, so unless he buys them online and has them shipped to me, it will probably be left up to me. sigh.

    i say keep them put away for the next christmas. or any other gift giving that may need to come up. my mom would always have a box of different types of gifts that we could dig into when we were in a pinch or invited at the last minute. or, didn’t have any money to go out and get anything. and it says you cannot TALK about christmas. i didn’t see any talking going on, just shopping. i think you’re good. although the spirit of it would also include shopping. hmmmmm what would your husband think???

    Comment by Terina — May 27, 2009 @ 12:46 am

  6. Well, Spunky, since I bought the presents on my own initiative, contract notwithstanding, buying presents for his side of the family is obviously not something I have a problem with. Generally I don’t like shopping but I love buying presents. I love finding the perfect gift for people. It’s not that it’s my “job” to do the shopping for his side of the family; it’s just that, like most normal, sane people, DH doesn’t even think about Christmas until December, and by then I’ve got it all under control anyway.

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 12:49 am

  7. Terina, I think my husband would be amused, relieved, and never let me live it down!

    I may have to put them aside for later, as you and Beth suggested . . .

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 12:52 am

  8. Quimby, will you come and do my Christmas shopping for me, pleeeeeeeeeze?????? I’m terrible at it. :(

    Comment by Lorian — May 27, 2009 @ 1:30 am

  9. Lorian, I always thought one of the benefits of being in a same-sex relationship would be that it would make shopping for presents easier. Are you saying I’m wrong? But surely it’s easy to shop for your twins! 4 year old girls, aren’t they pretty good at telling you exactly, precisely, down to the minute detail, what they want?

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 1:34 am

  10. Actually, they are seven, and yeah, they know what they want. Of course, what they want is a Wii (which they aren’t getting!).

    I don’t mind shopping for the girls. It’s shopping for everyone else that I’m not good at. I seem to have a mental block when it comes to the holidays. Darcie’s really into them and loves all the planning and list-making, and I just freeze up. She tried to make a list for me one year. That didn’t go so well… :lol:

    We’ve come to an understanding between us that we generally buy our presents for each other together, and things we give each other don’t necessarily have to be wrapped.

    What can I say? I’m lame, with scrooge-like tendencies. :guilty-shrug:

    Comment by Lorian — May 27, 2009 @ 1:42 am

  11. Whoops - sorry, I don’t know how I got the age of your twins so wrong.

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 1:44 am

  12. I always leave shopping for DH until December because I never know what to get him. I have to force myself to leave at least half of the shopping for the kids until December because I always have too much of an idea of what I want to get them and I don’t want to go overboard. So, it’s not like I’m totally done by December - just done with extended family.

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 1:49 am

  13. :lol: I wish they were still 4. Sort of. They’re much more self-entertaining now, which is both good and a little sad. We were full-time buddies for so long, and now they are more independent. They also don’t try to kill each other quite as much. That’s an upside. :)

    Comment by Lorian — May 27, 2009 @ 2:15 am

  14. I’ve actually had Halloween on the brain. Since my work is tied to magazines, I tend to work 4-6 months ahead, and even my tightest schedules need to give me time to finish making something in time for someone else to finish making it before the actual holiday.

    Anyway, the sun is shining like crazy, we’re going to the beach all the time, and all my thoughts are tied up in gloomy spiderwebs and frankenstein monsters.

    Comment by reese — May 27, 2009 @ 2:50 am

  15. Was the agreement that you couldn’t discuss Christmas with just him? And did it also involve not buying anything for the holiday before the agreed date? Or will you be in trouble for blogging about it in May?
    Honesty is the best policy and if the agreement only entailed keeping your Christmas obsession to yourself, then you can tell him on November 1st, that you already handled some of the presents and then, you keep your end of the bargain and showed compassion towards him in helping with the penalty. Maybe you sabotaged yourself because you really like buying all the presents!

    I’m guilty too. By April, companies have Christmas items for 75% off and I’ll scoop the deals right up.

    Comment by Kimberly — May 27, 2009 @ 5:44 am

  16. Oh gosh, I haven’t even put up my regular decorations around the house. The Christmas decorations eventually came down in February, but the regular decorations still haven’t gone up yet . . .

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 5:11 pm

  17. Reese- right this very minute my ds and I are doing a shrunken apple head project. I’m making a line-up of them for Halloween to hang up in my kitchen window. Are you old enough to remember the Vincent Price Shrunken Head kit? A friend dug it up for us yesterday and now we’re going to town with it.

    Comment by Kimberly — May 27, 2009 @ 7:41 pm

  18. Stephanie, I go stir-crazy if the decorations aren’t all packed away by boxing day. (Even last year, when I had a baby on Christmas Eve and didn’t get out of the hospital until boxing day, the first thing I did when I got home was take down the decorations.)

    Reese, I think if we had more holidays here than I wouldn’t be so Christmas-happy. I miss Halloween.

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 7:56 pm

  19. But Stephanie, lest you think I’m passing judgement - I’m not. I’m just a bit OCD.

    (But maybe “women who know” are OCD!) :)

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 8:21 pm

  20. Okay, so I am thinking because it just mentions talking about Christmas you are in the clear and you shouldn’t say anything to him ( because then you would be talking about it). If it says anything about buying gifts, then… you should probably tell him.

    I love Christmas, I have now become the Jan 2nd take the tree down and all the decorations– moving on– Christmas is over, done, completed–

    Good luck, let us know what happens.

    Comment by Sunshine — May 27, 2009 @ 8:23 pm

  21. Well, usually I am, too, Quimby. I like to have them down by the time the New Year starts. But this past year my morning sickness started the day before we left for Utah for Christmas, we drove straight through there and back (with me as the night driver), and we got back on New Year’s Eve, I think. I was so worn out and sick. I decided to just not care. My husband ended up taking it all down at some point. I can’t remember when. Just that it was right before February (didn’t want to be like “those people” who leave their Christmas lights up until June).

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 8:35 pm

  22. And the idea of going to Utah for Christmas this year makes me want to cry. My kids don’t even want to go, which is kind of sad considering that all their grandparents live in Utah. Whenever we talk about Christmas they say, “Can we just stay here? PLEASE?” I guess that says something about how fun it is. I’m trying to see if there is a gracious way we can get out of it - kind of hard since we aren’t going in the summer either.

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 8:37 pm

  23. Yeah, that’s a lot of the stress right there - packing up everything and going somewhere else for Christmas. We decided two years ago to opt out of it all. The first year it was a ginormous mess; then last year I had the baby on Christmas Eve so that made it very easy; and I figure having a Christmas Eve birthday in the family gives me an excuse for the rest of my life - “Oh, we can’t possibly go, it’s just not fair to our child to travel on his birthday!”

    My parents were always terrific in saying that as we grew up we’d find our own traditions and they certainly didn’t expect us to spend the holidays with them. My in-laws don’t have the same perspective; but BIL and SIL sure make it tough to want to get together at Christmas, between them not allowing their kids to have presents, and their kids always coming down with a highly contagious disease just at Christmas (but they insist on coming anyway, even when the doctors urge them to stay home.)

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 8:48 pm

  24. Stephanie- give yourself a break! Tell yourself right now that you don’t have to do Utah Christmas and every time you feel overwhelmed remind yourself, “at least I don’t have to go to Utah for Christmas!”
    Quimby- you and I should have an in-law throw-down someday. ugh. It’s a contest I’d like to lose…

    Comment by crazywomancreek — May 27, 2009 @ 8:55 pm

  25. I might be able to take you cwc. The one year I decided to go to my own house *after* celebrating Christmas with the inlaws instead of driving three hours further to grandma’s house, my MIL said that I was ungrateful and tearing my husband away from his family.

    Just the other day when my cat died my MIL called me to extend her condolences by giving me a project to “take my mind off things” that consisted of a lengthy research project for her because she’s afraid of google.

    Stephanie - Seriously, you must get out of Christmas, stat! That’s the last thing you need after a demanding pregnancy. I plan on blaming the economy for everything this year. I think it will finally get me out of the infernal “cousin gift exchange.”

    Comment by reese — May 27, 2009 @ 9:04 pm

  26. No, honestly, my mother-in-law and father-in-law are great. They drive me batty sometimes, but they are really good, generous people. My MIL’s biggest problem is that she wants everyone to be happy - and inevitably when that happens everyone ends up miserable (most of all her).

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 9:05 pm

  27. My 2 year old yesterday asked me to decorate the Christmas tree. It took me forever to figure out what she was asking for. In the end, she took me out to the garage and pointed to the box of ornaments. We do real trees and I don’t want to deal with the mess, so we said no.

    Comment by Tami — May 27, 2009 @ 9:05 pm

  28. Oooh, the economy’s a good one! Or, what if you suddenly develop “car problems” just before you’re due to leave? “Sorry, Mom, we’d love to come, but this car, we don’t know what’s wrong with it and you know how impossible it is to find a mechanic two days before Christmas!”

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 9:06 pm

  29. Oh you Totally beat Q and I because you’ve got it on both sides! oops battery dying- chat soon reese!

    Comment by crazywomancreek — May 27, 2009 @ 9:08 pm

  30. Kimberly - shrunken apple heads! I haven’t thought about those since elementary school. You’ve definitely sent my wheels turning.

    This year I’ve decided to decorate a Halloween tree and I’m torn which direction to go. I want to do something really spooky, gothic, Poe-inspired, lots of cream and black and very grown up…or orange green and purple, candy and glitter and friendly monsters, kid-approved, fun and whimsical. I think I have to see if I can bridge the gap somehow. I might just end up with a hot mess.

    Comment by reese — May 27, 2009 @ 9:09 pm

  31. Honestly, Stephanie, excuses aside - You’ll have five children this Christmas. I think it’s okay to say, “Thank you very much for the invitation. We’d love to get together with you some other time. But we’ve decided that it’s time for us to create our own family traditions.” If they persist, say, “We love to see you, but it’s a very long drive to Utah. We’d like our children to have holiday memories that don’t revolve around long car trips.” If they keep pushing, say, “We know you love to have us, and we always feel welcome at your place, but it’s just too much for us to drive all that way when DH only has a few days off week.” Keep rephrasing it however you need to until they get the message. (It helps if you make it about you rather than about them.) If it upsets them, well, they’ll get over it.

    You deserve to have a happy Christmas. Your boys (and soon-to-be-girl) deserve to have happy Christmas memories.

    If all else fails, tell them you’ve already promised to visit Quimby in Australia for Christmas, so you just won’t be able to go. (I can promise you kangaroos. There’s a great little wildlife park near us where they actually eat out of your hands. Very cool.)

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 9:19 pm

  32. You know, for kangaroos we might come. :) My second son’s favorite animal for the past year has been a “little joey”. When we stopped by his great-grandparents house on the way home from Christmas (one of those stops that adds HOURS to the trip but you have to do it since you only see them once every few years), he saw that grandpa had a little joey skin and loved it, and Grandpa gave it to him as we were walking out the door. Lucky me. Just what I wanted in my house. Sigh. (But sweet of grandpa)

    Thanks for the encouragement, all. I hope I have the guts to actually do it! But, the idea of four days of driving (since I absolutely won’t drive straight through with a small nursing baby) really makes me willing to say ANYTHING to get out of it!

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 9:43 pm

  33. Stephanie, one of the tourist traps they sell here are kangaroo scrotum coin purses. Yup. Nothing says class more than carrying your spare change around in genitals.

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 9:45 pm

  34. Oh gross. Do you know how delighted my boys would be to find out about those? They would BEG for one for Christmas.

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 9:50 pm

  35. barf… and snort… nice, a scrotum coin purse… does it come in colors? You know, like pink, or red….

    And Stephanie, you so need to say no. I don’t travel until after Christmas… Christmas this year was so freaking awesome! We stayed in our pj’s all day long, slept, played, watched movies, didn’t clean anything and I mean anything up until about 700. I loved it! It was so relaxed… I guess it helped that the kids had chicken pox, so we couldn’t possibly go anywhere… maybe they can get them again? ya… probably not…oooh, there is your excuse, find someone that has the chicken pox and … oh, no you will have a little baby. that would be so uncool…

    Comment by Sunshine — May 27, 2009 @ 10:14 pm

  36. And the idea of going to Utah for Christmas this year makes me want to cry.

    …but should you have to come out here i will be waiting for your email so we can meet up for tea and pastries downtown.

    Comment by mfranti — May 27, 2009 @ 10:30 pm

  37. That would be fun, mfranti. (Or maybe rosemary lemonade and pastries?)

    Comment by Stephanie — May 27, 2009 @ 10:33 pm

  38. lol this post was hilarious. Confess and give him a good laugh. I am thinking he might find it a little amusing. Technically you didn’t talk about it, so maybe after confessing you could just revise the contract.
    oh and i am really into decoarting our christmas trees (yes there’s more than one) with different themes, and I think about it all year long. christmas lovers do weird things. like proclaiming outloud while at the craft store in the middle of july how an item would look perfect on the tree this year.

    Comment by Obee — May 27, 2009 @ 10:46 pm

  39. 43 & 35- go crazy- these have grossed me out since I moved here:

    http://www.australiagift.com/scrotum_shop/index.htm

    Comment by spunky — May 27, 2009 @ 11:22 pm

  40. Obee I am feeling you more and more. So far I have a “Family Traditions” tree, a 12 Days of Christmas tree, a Snowfall tree, and this year I’m adding an Exotic tree (I’m thinking Morocco, India, Africa inspired) and a Halloween tree.

    My inlaws gave me the Christmas bug, but they decorate their whole house in dolls, which creep me out. So I’m putting trees on every available surface.

    Comment by reese — May 27, 2009 @ 11:47 pm

  41. What I love about that website, Spunky, is that you can actually get a “Corporate” scrotum purse!

    But I’m pretty sure the legend is just marketing BS

    Comment by Quimby — May 27, 2009 @ 11:57 pm

  42. We’ve got a reindeer skin at our place. (DH’s ex-girlfriend was Finnish.) I usually put it under the tree at Christmas. I always want to scatter some red food dye around the base and say, “Oh no, Rudolf died.”

    Comment by Quimby — May 28, 2009 @ 12:35 am

  43. Ya know, ladies, I’m trying to get the thought out of my head of somebody castrating all those cute kangaroos… if we were on the other thread, I might purchase a pedophile pouch purse. I like the visual of that much better.

    Comment by Kimberly — May 28, 2009 @ 8:53 am

  44. re: 21: “Just that it was right before February (didn’t want to be like “those people” who leave their Christmas lights up until June).”

    We were ’sorta’ those people once. In my old house on a busy street, I had a weeping cheery tree in the front yard. I put those little white lights on it at Christmas and it looked so pretty, I kept them on as the blossoms came out in the spring. That was even nicer looking as the blossoms were illuminated. It wasn’t until most of the strings burned out that I actually got out the ladder to remove the lights. Our street was right on the way to school for a lot of kids. One stopped by to ask why I was taking the lights down.

    Turns out, unbeknown to us, a little mini Urban myth had arisen among the school kids, that the lights were kept on the cherry tree because we’d lost a son in Desert Storm.

    I had no idea. I was sorry I’d pulled them down.

    re: scrotum change purses.

    That reminds me of the great story in “My Heroes have always been Cowboys” movie.

    The old man is telling a bull riding tale about his time on the Rodeo circuit. He gets bucked off. That mean old bull is looking straight at him, hot snot drooling on his face. He says there was only one thing to do. He reached over and grabbed that bull by the testicles. Then he laughs - and concludes his tale with the priceless expression - “When ya got ‘em by the balls, they’ll stop on a dime.”

    Hmmm. Scrotum purses might be just the thing to replace those penny loafers that we girls would always put a dime in so we could call home in case our dates got fresh and we needed a ride…

    Comment by Betty Jo — May 28, 2009 @ 9:19 am

  45. I’m dying… oh my gosh, small medium, two some… that is freaking hilarious and disgusting all rolled into one little ball… er…;purse..

    Comment by Sunshine — May 28, 2009 @ 10:02 am

  46. The collectable pouch (unusual “sexy” pouch) is about what I was picturing. You know what it says - Scrotum pouch is a great sign to attract an opposite gender. Just place it on your car mirror!

    Comment by Stephanie — May 28, 2009 @ 10:40 am

  47. Putting the “castration” in “castrating feminist,” *snort*

    Comment by crazywomancreek — May 28, 2009 @ 11:07 am

  48. Yeah…and kind of like having a scalp belt, having a variety of those scrotum purses.

    Comment by Kimberly — May 28, 2009 @ 11:40 am

  49. Oh Kimberly, you don’t need to feel sorry for the poor castrated kangaroos, they kill them first.

    Betty Jo, have you ever tried the “grab them by the balls” technique with your cattle?

    I guess one good thing about the kangaroo scrotum purse would be that if anyone ever said, “Have some balls” you could pull it out and say, “Well, I’m half-way there.”

    Comment by Quimby — May 28, 2009 @ 6:34 pm

  50. I’m just imagining sending one of those purses in with my ds for show and share. Not that I would, but I can’t help getting a giggle out of it. His teachers are always telling them to look for something uncommon…

    Comment by Kimberly — May 29, 2009 @ 6:31 am

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