Getting to know you or Welcome to fMh, please sign in
It seems like every time I take a little break or get busy from the site (for little things like education, food growing or housecleaning). I return to, what seems to me, a whole new cast of players in the fMh community.
It’s wonderful! But it can be confusing for the old-timers(that actually means me) to keep up with everyone’s story.
I’d like for us to get to know each other–again.
So here’s a few questions to get you started:
How did you find fMh?
Why do you participate here?
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Everyone is welcome to contribute-no matter how long you’ve been hanging around the ‘nacle.
Have fun!
I found FMH back in the fall of 2004. I think I followed a link to a T&S post. It was pretty much just The Lisa Show at the time, but it has only gotten better over time. I laughed my head off at Lisa’s hair story.
I participate because the FMH bloggers are awesome. And because discussing Mormon feminism is interesting and fun and important.
I’m a law professor (and recovering attorney) in San Diego, and I like to blog, read, and chat with friends. I also like cheese, cooking, music, swimming, (sometimes) running, and (sometimes) chasing children. I find that the challenges of navigating life as a Mormon feminist keep me hopping sometimes, and it’s good to have friends to talk with about it all.
Good idea for a post topic, Mel.
Comment by Kaimi — July 9, 2009 @ 1:30 pm
found you in 2005. googled something, can’t remember what, and fmh was the first result. i don’t always agree with the views discussed here, but i appreciate a venue for “alternate” viewpoints within the sphere of mormonism. i have never been one to classify myself as a feminist, mostly because of the negative connotations, but i surely am one. convert of a decade.
also in san diego, sahm of four daughters (the oldest turned six yesterday, sniff!), former doula and childbirth educator, gastronomist, homesteader-wannabe.
Comment by makakona — July 9, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
Okie dokie.
I found fMh a month or two ago when I was doing a search on the song, “As Sisters In Zion” for my calling as ward chorister (which will thankfully be over soon), and saw a discussion here about it. I just had to look at more once I saw the title.
I participate here because… it’s fun! Everyone has different opinions, many of which are very different from what I’m used to. I also like that you talk frankly about subjects that others shy away from, and that I can usually only discuss with my closest friends.
I didn’t always consider myself a feminist because I like men. I don’t think that women are better than them, and I believe in the idea of “different, but equal.” Most of the feminists I heard of were the weird people who think that we need to kill all men and subsist on cloning, and that women are better. Not pretty. Anywho, it was around the time that I discovered fMh that I began to realize that I *was* a feminist! I’ve since accepted it, and it’s nice to be able to say to someone that I am a feminist.
I grew up in the church, and have a very strong testimony. I may not agree with all of the church’s decisions, but I know that things will get better. I enjoy to ask questions, though it gets annoying when people think that asking questions = apostasy. Idiots.
I hope to someday be a SAHM/novelist, and I’ve finished the first draft on my first novel. I write mostly fantasy.
Well, that’s pretty much it. This turned out to be a lot longer than I thought it would be…
Comment by Elina — July 9, 2009 @ 1:38 pm
I found FMH through a friend who did a guest post here.
I am a convert and was raised by a feminist. I love being Mormon and I love believing in women and the power we have! I don’t have too many conflicts with it (maybe because I am a convert and don’t have the guilt a lot of lifetime members seem to have?)
I also have a lot of open minded Mormon friends in my area. I belong to 3 book clubs all with members and we are all pretty open minded, so I find support there. But it is fun to read the posts here too!
My big passion is birth and helping moms know their rights during birth, so that they can have the best birth possible and feel supported and empowered by the experience. That is probably my main feminist area I am active in.
I have 3 boys and a great husband. I teach Hypnobabies Childbirth Education Classes and am a Birth Doula.
Comment by Sheridan — July 9, 2009 @ 1:41 pm
Good topic, mfranti.
I’m in SoCal’s Inland Empire. I’m a lesbian mom of twin 7 (almost 8)-year-old daughters, and I’ve been with my partner (now wife), Darcie, for 18.5 years. While I have a great many relatives who are Mormon, I am not. I was raised Assembly of God, but left that group around the time I realized I was gay (in college). I spent many years in the Episcopal Church, and am now attending a United Church of Christ congregation which is the only church within a 100-mile radius which is officially welcoming to families like mine.
I found FMH during the post-Prop8 period when tensions were high between the gay community and the Mormon Church. I was googling for info on the issue (having local Mormon friends and acquaitances on both sides of the issue). I was traumatized by all that had just occurred, and when I ran across a thread posted by Faithful Dissident here, I joined in the discussion. I was grateful to find so many LDS people who supported my family’s right to exist and to be treated equally under the law, and many of whom opposed the role the church took in the campaign.
This place has been a balm for my soul. I post here in part because it has helped me deal with my anger about Prop 8, and restores my perspective and keeps me from painting people (LDS people, in particular), with too broad of a brush (:) ), and in part because I’ve found this to be a warm and loving community, with tons of personality and many interesting perspectives on a variety of topics.
I’m grateful to have found people who openly identify as “feminist,” and who understand the meaning of the word. And as a mom and a “housewife” myself, as well as a childhood growing up in a conservative religious background, I find much to identify with in the discussions here.
Thanks for this great site, Lisa, mfranti, and all the FMH bloggers.
Comment by Lorian — July 9, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
2004 alum. Followed Lisa’s comments over from T&S to here. Soon my wife was posting here too, and it was a great time. Ahhhh nostalgia.
I participate because the permas here are top-notch. And the topics, while occasionally poopy, are important - perhaps more important than the run-of-the-mill LDS topics seen throughout the rest of the Bloggernacle.
I see nothing wrong with the premise that women and men ought to have equal rights and opportunities, and think it’s weird that such a perspective would be labelled “feminist.” It’s “humanist.”
I’m a lawyer. That is all anyone need ever know about me.
Comment by Steve Evans — July 9, 2009 @ 1:52 pm
Found FMH when I had nothing to do all day except read blogs while rocking a colicky baby 24/7, in spring of ‘08. It was recommended by a friend of mine who writes over at juvenile instructor.
I immediately was addicted because it was about the only intellectual stimulation I was getting but have stuck around because I have been looking for people in the church “like me” for years and I’m not leaving ‘em now!
Thoughts on those subjects are too numerous. I love the gospel and its doctrines, the culture not so much, so the church and I have a love/hate relationship. I am and always have been a feminist, or at least for as long as I can remember. I once got into a debate with my 7th grade teacher on the subject, so it’s been a long time.
I am a full-time student during the school year (along with the DH), trying to get my BA in humanities (emphasis in art history) while taking care of the baby. I am passionate about literature, music, art, history and politics. I am an old movie buff/fanatic. I get to move out of Provo forever in about 9 months when DH finishes school and I transfer somewhere out of state (I hope I hope I hope). We are living in Philly for the summer for work.
Comment by Alyssa — July 9, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
I found FMH doing a google search in March of last year. I had just discovered blogs and was looking for a group blog for Mormon women (that wasn’t boring).
I participate because I find it interesting. I like the variety of topics discussed. I’ve tried a few other LDS blogs, but I usually get bored.
I am a devout Mormon with a strong testimony. I wouldn’t consider myself a feminist, but I have feminist streaks (much more tame than when I got engaged and my DH called me the “ultra feminist nazi” - he’s from a small town). I complain a lot about being a housewife with so many kids, but deep down I feel like it is the right choice for me and my family - if we survive.
I consider myself to be very conservative, but the more involved I get with politics, the more disappointed I get with either side. I see things I like in both and things I don’t. Politics, economics, and motherhood are probably my three favorite topics to discuss.
I really like some of the people I’ve “met” on this site. My DH calls Quimby my “arch enemy” (a political joke), but I consider her a friend and am glad for the opportunity to branch outside my own little ward and town to get to know really neat people.
Comment by Stephanie — July 9, 2009 @ 1:54 pm
and that steve has a really interesting, often disturbing, sense of humor. he’s also the most loved blogger in all of ‘nacledom.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 1:55 pm
Actually, Mel, a recent survey shows that Steve is not quite as loved as someone named Tamn who blogs at some-other-site. He also trails Ardis, Margaret, and Kevin. And he’s a mere one vote ahead of me . . . cough . . . hint, hint . . .
Comment by Kaimi — July 9, 2009 @ 1:59 pm
Steph, everyone needs a nemesis. you and quimby make perfect nemeses.
(someone will have to tell me how to spell the plural of that word)
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 2:00 pm
Nemises, I think.
Comment by Lorian — July 9, 2009 @ 2:01 pm
“Nemeses.”
Comment by Kaimi — July 9, 2009 @ 2:02 pm
Kaimi, the blog that shall not be named?
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 2:02 pm
I can’t remember when or how I found fMh. I don’t give much thought to feminism per se. I am here because when you are not a gun totin’, suv drivin’ religious right winger the church can be a little uncomfortable at times.
I am generally curious as to how many of the readers on this site are in my age group. That would be over 50.
I was once part of the model mormon family and now find myself soon to be divorced. Shocked the ward and our families.
My personal blog has been taking a break for a few months.
Comment by cyclingred — July 9, 2009 @ 2:02 pm
As as for much-loved bloggers, don’t forget Derek. I have personally proposed to him more times than I can count, but I guess Mrs. Derek doesn’t want any sister-wives.
Comment by Lorian — July 9, 2009 @ 2:05 pm
Shoot, Kaimi, I blew it. :bowing-to-you:
Comment by Lorian — July 9, 2009 @ 2:06 pm
tease!
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 2:07 pm
I’ve been reading since 2004 too. I’ve stuck around because I like the permas here. I don’t comment often anymore, but I always read.
I’m a nomadic homeschooling mom of three boys and that’s the way I like it.
Comment by Amira — July 9, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
My first exposure to fMh was about 18 months ago when I linked from a comment on a niece’s blog to Idahospud. She had a link to fMh and curiousity led me here.
I am an inactive member that was raised in the heart of Mormondom. This is my culture. No matter what my current beliefs are I will always be Mormon whether my name appears on the records or not. It is who I am. At one time I was fully active, married in the temple and embraced it all until life took some unexpected turns.
I enjoy reading this blog with it’s stimulating and varied points of view that are expressed. Most posters are very openminded. The occasional church-bashing from a few posters get me down, which might sound odd coming from an agnostic Buddhist. If every religion was picked apart there would be no churches left at all.
I am the mother of two grown daughters and grandmother to five. I raised my daughters as a single mother struggling for an education. That made feminists out of all of us! Married to a wonderful guy who I am grateful for every day.
P.S. I miss Ray.
Comment by Numi — July 9, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
I discovered FMH along with my overall discovery of the bloggernacle back in late 2005. I was a new father, and in the middle of two graduate programs, and for the first time in my life was realizing that I needed an outlet for a more intellectual conversation about Mormonism.
Fast-forward ahead a few years and I was checking in on FMH after a weekend of General Conference. I was incredibly surprised to find that a friend (Shelah) in my very own ward was guest posting, and was later made a perma. It was nice to find out that I was, in fact, not the only ‘nacl’er in my ward.
While I had been commenting on T&S and BCC occasionally, mfranti finally drew me out of lurkdom with her post on bicycle commuting, an on-again, off-again passion of mine. And earlier this year I was privileged to submit a couple of posts during the storied month of Manuary.
I participate here because I find it continually challenges my assumptions and offers me new, sometimes uncomfortable perspectives, perhaps moreso than any of the “big islands” in the ‘nacle. And the writing is very often quite funny (This post should become a regular feature).
I live in Texas, work in healthcare administration, and my level of participation here varies with the amount of work I have on a given day (things are quite slow this week).
Keep up the good work.
Comment by mpb — July 9, 2009 @ 2:16 pm
numi:
aint that the truth!!!
mpb:
i really wanted to do another post this year but i just never got around to it. you think it’s too late in the season?
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 2:19 pm
I have no idea how I found fMh, but I’ve been reading for maybe six or eight months. I have neither a house nor a husband (or children, for that matter), but I enjoy reading these posts. Like others, I don’t always agree with the opinions here, but I think it’s good to be exposed to other viewpoints. It makes me think through my own positions and the reasoning behind them. I also enjoy thinking more deeply about this gospel that I love so much, warts and all.
Oh, and I’m working on my PhD in the social sciences in Southern California. When I’m not going crazy with school work, I enjoy cooking, Law & Order reruns, crossword puzzles, going to historical sites, and listening to music.
Comment by L — July 9, 2009 @ 2:23 pm
There’s a season for bike commuting? Cyclingred would probably take issue with that.
Never too late. I have a sister in SLC who is just starting. I think it is gaining in popularity all the time–I’m sure there is plenty of fresh interest.
Only problem is you are going to force me to actually dust off my commuter and re-commit myself…
Comment by mpb — July 9, 2009 @ 2:23 pm
It’s never too late for a post on bicycle commuting. And just a few weeks ago I switched to a fixed gear bike for my commute. How’s that for an old man?
Comment by cyclingred — July 9, 2009 @ 2:25 pm
I was googling something… I was frustrated after Julie Beck’s conference talk and you guys popped up.
I participate and comment because I want people to know they aren’t alone. I am just hoping someone sees my comments and says “hey she’s in my ward” and then we can be friends and I won’t feel so alone at church.
I’m a feminist - I believe women are people
— I’m a Mormon, I believe it thoroughly, I don’t think women need the priesthood or anything, I just get frustrated with the politics and all.
I’m a San Diegan because my husband is going through law school here — I am taking the GMAT on Saturday to get my MBA.
But mostly, I hope that this whole life just works out.
Comment by Natalie — July 9, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
fMh is one of the first blogs I discovered way back at the end of 2005 when I first learned about this crazy thing called “blogging”. I don’t always comment (particularly on questions where ‘the Mormon-atheist perspective’ isn’t relevant) but I subscribe and read all the posts.
I’m a feminist, I consider myself a ‘cultural Mormon’ (in that Mormonism plays a big role in my family and heritage), and now I’m a really a housewife. Before, I was a part-time housewife, working 4 days a week — with one day off to take care of the kids. But for the next six months, I’m unemployed and doing independent research projects at home.
Even though (or rather especially because) my perspective as a non-believer is a little different than most people here, I find the discussions quite interesting. I appreciate that fMh is willing to link to me as a “feminist Mormon” blog. Now that I’m finally back in the U.S., I took the opportunity to order an fMh t-shirt. I just posted a picture of myself wearing it here.
Comment by chanson — July 9, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
My sister Lynnette found fMh in the fall of 2005 and directed me to read. You all were so fascinating that we decided to start ZD just to join in more fully.
I don’t participate here much, but I read a lot. I read because there are so many interesting and articulate people who post and comment here. And I consider myself a feminist, so I mostly like what’s written here. (Although I must admit that the Prop 8 arguing got a little old at the end of last year. (Sorry Lorian, considering that’s what drew you in!))
I’m endlessly reading interesting bits of this site to my wife, and occasionally I’ve even gotten her to read parts of it by leaving it open on the computer. So I’m kind of an fMh missionary. But I don’t have the t-shirt yet.
Comment by Ziff — July 9, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
I randomly stumbled in here a few years ago from a post on the Deseret News’ LDS news line. I started reading rather religiously after I discovered Google Reader. Now I rarely miss a post, but don’t always comment (unless it really hits home).
A homeowner, but not a housewife, I am a single, feminist sister working for development in Higher Education. I live in a pretty blue area of a normally-red state, and love it! I grew up in a pretty red area of a blue-state. I do however live on the Independent line (and have been encouraging my sister–whom I live with, to creep away from my parents’ extremely red tendencies).
A life-long member, I am also a TV, book, and movie connoisseur (sounds better than addict), who loves to cook, sing, and write. A complete geek at heart, I am at the moment extremely excited to be going to Comic-Con, and have recently started a foodie blog for our RS Enrichment Dining In-Dining Out group (where every so often, I slip in a post from here–Yay for CWC’s bread!).
It isn’t actually a calling–I was just switched from Family History Chair (that I held for the past two years–in a singles’ ward!–shocker!) to Emergency Preparedness Co-Chair (I’m not sure why they have decided I get the callings no one else will touch with a ten-foot pole). I often am the voice of the feminist, working professional, and older single (Rising “senior” at 30) in correlation (where my sister hide her head).
If that isn’t a scary introduction, I am not sure what is. Oh, and friends say I’m from Normal (IL) but I’m not (normal–I am slightly odd–definitely not a piccolo). Sorry for all the parentheticals, and for the novel, but I figured, since you asked, I would be thorough. Thanks for every post, every tear, and every moment of sisterhood–I truly cherish each one.
Comment by tkangaroo — July 9, 2009 @ 2:44 pm
My friend from Tracy, CA is always so incredibly interesting to talk to, and she often mentions blogs where she gets some of her ideas and information. Our family visited hers for a long week (full of late night chatting) last month and at one point I mentioned that I thought Palin should be taking care of her baby and helping her teen daughter, etc. When it was shown to me how unfeminist that was of me, I started thinking a lot about why I felt that way about Palin, since I “believe” in equality and women doing everything. I haven’t figured it out at all yet, but I’m enjoying the journey and decided to check out this blog I know my friend reads. It is also compounded in interest by an on-line elist bookgroup that is reading books like Perfect Madness and Women Who Run with Wolves, 2 books I’d never have picked up on my own, but that have me thinking about new-to-me stuff.
I’m a sahm of 4 in the MD DC area. I love to read and run and eat chocolate.
Comment by daer2vul — July 9, 2009 @ 2:45 pm
re: 16
Nah, I’m not much loved. There’s just a few people here who seem to like bombastic blowhards strangely titillating. Nothing that a good psychologist couldn’t fix.
Okay, here goes:
“I’m Derek, and I’m an alcoholic…”
I found FMH a few years back while link surfing through LDS blogs (probably 2006 or 2007). But I thought it was only for women, so just occasionally lurked for I think about a year until I relented to M’s naggi–request that I participate.
I continue to participate because overall the crowd seems to fit my style. I definitely consider myself feminist, and probably qualify as a housewife. I’m active Mormon, though of the heterodox variety.
IRL, I’m nobody interesting.
Comment by Derek — July 9, 2009 @ 2:51 pm
I’ve been reading since…2006 or so? I loved fMh as an active member, but I rarely commented. Then I rediscovered it around the time I left the Church, and it held more relevance for me. I’m not obsessed with it as I used to be, but I still like to come around occasionally.
I just moved from Utah to NorCal. I miss SLC, but I hated the weather and I’m pretty thrilled to be living here. I have two little ones and I’m studying nutrition and herbs. I should graduate at the end of the year and I plan to focus on poverty in my practice. My partner is a Waldorf teacher and that philosophy informs much of our lifestyle (though I think the underpinning mysticism is totally wack). I love where we’re living and I hope we can find a little piece of land upon which to build a small dirt house and grow food.
I grew up secular, converted at 18, married in the temple, and all that jazz. My partner was raised in the quintessential Church, went on a mission, worked in the temple, and all that jazz. We left the Church about two years ago. I identify as an atheistic pragmatic Buddhist, which means that I don’t believe in an afterlife, gods, or reincarnation, but I look to the Buddha’s example of seeking wisdom and compassion. Living an ethical life is pretty important to me and I’ll wax poetic, idealistic and unrealistic whenever the topic arises. I am definitely a feminist, and despite all outward signs, I think I’m a pretty radical one. Gender is a major question mark for me, and a lot of my feminism spins on that axis.
I love to read (mostly non-fiction, though I’m learning to love sci-fi), cook (vegan!), plant things, enmesh myself in political SNAFUs, clean, write, and take photographs. I think too damn much. I’m catching up on Battlestar Galactica, which is frackin’ awesome.
I love this blog and I’m proud to know some of its writers. Mel is seriously one of the most kick-ass people I’ve ever known and I try to follow her example of giving the finger to the world. She is very much a model feminist and all-around superior human being.
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 2:53 pm
been reading since 2005, or maybe late 2004. Have left less than a dozen comments in that entire time, so I’m Queen of Lurkdom.
I never knew I was a feminist until I attended BYU.I’m a 25 yr old SAHM with one babe, a useless B.S. and a cute PhD pursuing DH.
I miss Janet and have huge girl crushes on fmhlisa, N.O., and mfranti.
Comment by SL — July 9, 2009 @ 2:57 pm
And she is going to totally hate it that I said that.
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 2:57 pm
How did you find fMh?
Through my friend Lynette (from Zelophehad’s Daughters) who I met while at the Joseph Smith Seminar
Why do you participate here?
To stay a little bit more sane and remind myself that my thoughts are okay to think
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Feminism gets a bad rap. So does Mormonism. And, weirdly, Mormonism gives Feminism an ATROCIOUS rap.
I haven’t gotten into possible housewife stage yet, but I do know that I’m afraid of feeling “trapped”…still trying to figure out what I mean when I hear that in my head.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m 25, I teach community college english and philosophy. I was married 10 months ago and it is wonderful. Aaaaaand, I’ve spent my time on the MHA, Sunstone circut while I was working on my PhD (which I decided to no longer persue for various and sundry reasons completely unrelated to the fact that I am female and married, thankyouverymuch).
I love FMH! Thank you for being honest, open-hearted, and always looking for ways to be better (in a round sense) women and men.
Comment by Pinto — July 9, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
How I found fMh? Hooboy. That was so long ago, I can’t remember. Probably another blog.
Why do I participate here? To keep you all grounded. Oh, and to throw all the new comers off when they find out I am a man and have to go reread my comments because being a man somehow changes what I say.
My thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery? Feminism is for girls. Well, for everyone really, bt that doesn’t sound as witty. I think feminism and Mormonism is compatible. I think more Mormons need to understand what feminism is and not make assumptions. I am glad Mary stays home to look after our children and homeschool and cook and clean, and all that. That being said. I try to do what I can in the couple of hours I am home each day, and I would be fine if she ever decided she wanted to switch.
Tell you a little bit about who I am? Hmmm. Well, I am Canadian. In my late 30s. I am a permablogger at the oldest group blog in the Bloggernacle. I have been married for over 14 years. We have 4 children (one who came in March). We live in a 798 sq ft house for which we paid $75,000 3.5 years ago. I am a gospel doctrine instructor. I have a college diploma. I have worked at the University of Lethbridge for the last 8 years. I served a mission to the Utah Provo Mission.
Comment by Kim Siever — July 9, 2009 @ 2:58 pm
I found fMh in 2006 one evening when I was googling “Christian feminism”, and the site showed up in the first page of the results. I lurk often and comment infrequently. I participate here because it’s nice to have people to discuss topics with that wouldn’t come up at church.
I’m single, childless, and in law school. When I graduate, I hope to become a law professor.
Comment by Keri Brooks — July 9, 2009 @ 2:59 pm
We live in a 798 sq ft house for which we paid $75,000 3.5 years ago.
How did you pull THAT off? Sounds like a dream. I love little houses. We’re renting an 800 sq. ft. house right now and this is perfect for us. But $75,000…did it come equipped with its very own outhouse?
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 3:02 pm
While I comment every now and then I have been a loyal reader since 06. I don’t remember how i found fmh, but I haven’t left since. I continue to visit here because I find comfort and relief in knowing so many others share some of the feelings I do. I can talk openly about difficult issues that I feel should be discussed instead of being private.
I am a strong feminist, I like to ask why, I don’t like the norm, and I am apparently a ‘dirty’ liberal. While most of my frustration and anger steams from some of the members of the church and a few of the doctrines, I continue to have an unwavering testimony of our Savior and the plan of salvation. I believe God made us the way we are and nobody should make us feel bad or guilty for that.
I am going to school full time to be a counselor and work in the renewable resources industry, I am married to a wonderfuly supportive partner who encourages me in my all too many endeavors, and we enjoy our oh so selfish time alone since we still don’t feel its time to have kids yet.
Comment by Obee — July 9, 2009 @ 3:05 pm
I found FMH in the Fall of 2006 through a google search.
It was a life saver at the time and still is. I had recently come into new information about the church that they don’t teach you in Sunday School and was having a major crisis of faith. The FMH community helped me to realize there were others out there like me and that I could live and believe in my religion however I wanted to.
In brief I love feminism, Mormonism and housewifery (although I’ve only been at it, housewifery that is, for one week now).
I live in the D.C. area with DH our little boy and our dog. I just left the corporate world this week to start a part time job so I can be with our son more and so far am very happy with the decision!
Comment by Roxanna — July 9, 2009 @ 3:08 pm
wait. are you talking about me? i think you have mfranti confused with another mel.
love you too chandelle.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
Re: #38. Luck, really. There was a house we were looking at for $85,000, but when we asked our realtor about it, he said it had jst sold. A few days later he showed us this house on the market for $80,000. We took a tour, and by that night, we had offered $75,000, received an acceptance, and had signed the papers.
To be fair, it’s nearly 100 years old and was in need of some work (a dirt basement for example). We like it.
Comment by Kim Siever — July 9, 2009 @ 3:10 pm
Found the bloggernacle actually on Twitter about a month ago and then from some various gay mormon blogs I landed on this one! I truly enjoy it because it really gives me an outlet on being female and being Mormon and all that it encompasses. I blog and comment anonymously due to crazy friends and family! My mother in law said that I should question my temple recommend holding since I voted for a certain someone that wasn’t McCain…
I just had my first and probably last baby, boy, named. I graduated two years ago with a Bachelor’s in Spanish and Applied Linguistics and am currently studying to be a medical transcriptionist! Life keeps me busy with caring for a colicky baby, school, figuring out parenthood, and overcoming Post-partum depression.
Thanks for your wonderful insightful posts and letting me join in on the fun!
Comment by Kaylana — July 9, 2009 @ 3:24 pm
Wow, so after reading all these comments I tried to figure out when I started reading this blog and went back through archives. I have been around since 2004 but I didn’t realize at the time the blog was so new. I discovered this blog because my Google home page suggested Millennial Star to me, and I saw a link to T&S which I think linked to here. Or something along those lines. Random.
I didn’t really ever comment for a few years, but I started reading at time when I was struggling with my faith and going through a lot of issues with my sexuality. I honestly think the discussions here helped so much. I never really commented much, especially considering how much I read this blog. I did a couple guest posts ages ago under a different name, then swore I was leaving for good but couldn’t stay away. I decided to quit hiding and just be myself now
I am no longer a member of the church, but I grew up in a deeply Mormon household (with all my family all the way back being Mormon). Waited for my husband (my best friend) on his mission (his family is also big mormon stalwarts), got married in the temple and am currently a housewife (though no kids, so its an interesting situation for my feminist self to come to terms with). Me and my husband currently live in Berlin, Germany. This site really helps me stay connected to the Mormon community that my family are still a part of while helping me come to terms with the church and not be too bitter over some of the things about it that caused me to leave. I definitely have come to love this blog and even find myself bringing up these discussions with friends all the time!
Comment by julie — July 9, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
julie, which posts are yours? (You’re one of my favorite commenters.)
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 3:28 pm
a google search in the summer of 06. I was googling something like “down with stereotypical mormons” and was on the verge of being incredibly self-destructive because of how alone I felt in the Church- I had NO IDEA about LDS blogging or the bloggernackle (sp?).
Then suddenly, wow- feminist mormon housewifes?!? No freakin’ way!! I hardly slept for a whole month going through the archives of fmh and other sites, perusing ALL the comments, and feeling suddenly in such very good company.
yay!
(at first I was an obsessive commenter… I’ve sense then gotten lazy. but fmh will always hold a special place in my heart.)
oh… and mel totally rocks.
/kisses!
Comment by G — July 9, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
I can’t remember when I stumbled across FMH- it was several years ago, and the current topic being discussed was shocking to me (at the time, I don’t see so much in black and white anymore). I found it again maybe two years ago, and have go in spurts as to my participation (like right now, I’m trying to cut back on my internet time).
I keep coming back, because it’s eye opening. I know what my experience with the church and gospel is, but it’s good to remember that other people have different experiences and that they’re all valid. Life isn’t black and white (and that pretty much covers my views on feminism, the church, and “huswifery” too).
I have 3 boys ages 7, 5 and 2, and I have an awesome Mister. I like running, gardening, raising chickens, reading, baking bread, and playing around online. I’m also planning my dream home, which is passive solar, with cork flooring, and a masonry heater (which includes a bread oven).
Comment by Alliegator — July 9, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
I found FMH several years back (2005? 2006?) through my sister who was forever telling me about this awesome blog she was reading called “Feminist Mormon Housewives.” I avoided it for a while because it didn’t really sound like my thing, but one day I was drawn into it, and I haven’t been able to get away.
I participate, occasionally, because it helps me to know that there are other people at church who don’t just accept the status quo. Doctrinally I don’t have much of a problem with the church, it’s when personal opinion passes for doctrine that my hackles get raised. Before I was introduced to the bloggernacle, I never would have guessed that there was a whole world of people out there who, like me, are willing to accept that the church as an organization and its leaders are not infallible.
I had never thought of myself as a feminist before coming here, but that’s only because I didn’t know anyone who WAS a feminist here in happy valley. It didn’t take very long for me to realize that feminism suits me just fine.
Comment by tisheli — July 9, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
Sorry to intrude. I wanted to leave this comment on another thread but it was closed. But I am leaving so don’t worry, I won’t mess this up. Just wanted to make sure I got my thanks in before leaving so here was that comment.
Okay, first… wow, Jo. I am so sorry to hear about all of that. Your continued faith amazes me. Stay strong and thanks for sharing.
As far as you Chandelle, congrats. You win. You have sent the magic response. I’m checking outta here folks. I thought I had finally, FINALLY found a place where I could speak openly about the road I travelled. Non-Mormons simply don’t understand how it could have been so important to me and most Mormon sites and sources were, well, too conservative and sugar-coated. I was so excited to find this site. Most of the people just seemed realistic. It was refreshing. So I thought I’d get their take on some things.
Anyway, clearly I misjudged. And I certainly don’t want to be where I’m not wanted.
Jo, Britt, Kate, Julie, Claudia, Suzanne, mfranti, Jim and twinmomnc, thank you for your comments. You are all intelligent, thoughtful people and I’ve enjoyed discussing this. To all I offended, I am sorry. Good night and good luck to all of you.
Jenn
Comment by Jennifer — July 9, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
ok, i just wrote a big long thing and it got eaten. I’ll have to retry when I’m done banging my head against the table.
Comment by reese — July 9, 2009 @ 3:47 pm
please don’t feel the need to respond to jennifer’s comment. it will ruin the good vibe on this thread.
i’ve already sent her an email and addressed her concerns.
thanks all,
jennifer: check the email you used for this site.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 3:55 pm
798 sf and 4 kids?! It must have an incredible layout!
(I keep trying to talk my Mister into a smaller and smaller house for our dream house, but I don’t think I could get him to one that small- I figure the smaller the house, the smaller the mortgage payment, and the bigger the yard)
Comment by Alliegator — July 9, 2009 @ 3:56 pm
OK, now wordpress just hates me. It says that I can’t post a comment because I’ve already posted that comment. Am I stuck in a filter somewhere? I want to come out and play!
If I’d known I was going to have this much trouble I would have tried a lot harder to be pithy. It’s going to be so anti-climactic when it comes.
Comment by reese — July 9, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
Re #52
Incredible layout? Not sure about that. 2 bedrooms up, 2 down. Living room , kitchen, washroom upstairs; family room, storage and laundry downstairs.
But yeah, the smaller mortgage and bigger yard are really nice. Also nice is our house is closer to the street than it should be, so that makes the back yard even bigger.
Comment by Kim Siever — July 9, 2009 @ 4:01 pm
I disagree.
(One other thing about me, I rarely spell check, so often have typos that irritate me later, and I also have lots of second thoughts that I have to come back and add later.)
Comment by Alliegator — July 9, 2009 @ 4:06 pm
Awe Chandelle I am blushing as I have a total online crush on you - your comments helped me so much as I was going through the painful ‘leaving’ process.
I almost don’t want to say (so dorky) …but I used to go under the name Veritas so if you do a search the 2 posts will come up. I decided it was lame to use a fake name and kinda wanted a fresh start since when I had been commenting before I had been in a very different place in my life.
I just wish I lived anywhere where I could go to one of these snackers you are guys are always having! Euro trip anyone??
Comment by julie — July 9, 2009 @ 4:09 pm
I found FMH from a link on T&S. I checked it out with an open mind, since I’ve seen some blogs different that what you could tell from their title.
So, I’ve been here a little over a month, yes, still a newcomer. Even though I’m a male, I still can feel with many of you, and have even gone through some of the same things.
I’m 50, married, LDS, with a daughter who converted to Islam, one son in the army, and 2 high functioning sons at home. I’m unemployed, but looking for work. I live in San Jose, CA. I’m semi-active in the Church, but I have discussed cerebral subjects about the Church with others interested. Yes, I do housework as well.
Here’s one picture that sums up an attitude about women that I do not hold:
http://img527.imageshack.us/img527/1973/satandinner2.jpg
I can feel for Reese, for example, since I had a cousin with CP, he died in his 20’s. There seems to be some others here you can settle in with for some good discussions. I admit that some discussions here have got rather obnoxious & testy, but others have been good for sharing similar experiences.
I feel that there is a lot that women can & should do in the Church & the world.
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 4:09 pm
I found fMh during the campaign season late last summer. I was feeling like the only liberal Mormon Democrat on the planet and I was googling for a little like-minded support and stumbled here. I’ve been lurking ever since.
My commenting is not frequent (probably 3 total), but I love reading the discussions and find myself agreeing most strongly with ECS, crazywomancreek, and Quimby. My secret girl crush is on Lorian.
I am a 39-year old life-long Mormon, BYU grad, married, mother of four (3 teens – 15/14/14 and a 6 year old). I was born and raised in Tennessee. We were the only Mormon Family in a very small town in Appalachia. I’ve been the primary breadwinner in our family for the last ten years… and I really wish I’d gotten a graduate degree now! Professionally, I am a LEED-certified Commercial Construction Estimator. My husband is wonderful. He is still in college (on-line), does any kind of construction work he can get to supplement our income and does all the stay-at-home parent stuff. (PT Conferences, ortho appts, testing for the Learner’s Permit, etc)
Our family is officially “Exploring” different faiths…. So we will see how that goes.
Boy this is very long comment for a bonafide lurker!
Comment by twinmomnc — July 9, 2009 @ 4:11 pm
Natalie #26 - awesome! Good luck!
Comment by Stephanie — July 9, 2009 @ 4:12 pm
A slight change of subject: Where’s Quimby? She’s posted nothing in a while. Did someone accidentally cut the Internet cable to Australia?
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 4:12 pm
oh yes, i remember now
truth be thy name.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 4:15 pm
I think I found fmh about 2 years ago when I was dying for some Mormon mama interaction during my boring day at work. I lurk often but rarely post. What I love about this site is how the discussions buzz around in my head all day and provide food for thought as I push papers around my desk.
I have one son (3.5) and my husband and I are converts of just 2 years – I’ve never felt the spirit anywhere like I have since I started attending church 2.5 years ago. I live in NM and LOVE it here. I would love to be a housewife – actually will be in a few months and plan to start a Waldorf inspired (I agree w/ Chandelle on the creepy mysticism) day care/pre-school out of my house – and have 1 or 2 more babies. I have an accounting degree – I’m still not sure how that happened. I love car trips with my family. I’m all about organic food and supporting my local agriculture as well as growing my own – totally obsessed w/ food storage and self-sufficiency. I just love food period. I hate housework and am so lousy at it I bought a book on housekeeping when I was first married. I’m the person that was pretty ambivalent about having kids but the second my son was born I was a believer and wondered why I’d waited so long.
I have to say I’ve never seen feminism be such an issue to anyone like it is to Mormons – seriously! There have been very heated discussions in my book group about it that left people not on good terms for a period. I was raised by a feminist mom and highly conservative dad (happily married after 35 years). And, despite all of that I’m still not sure what I would label myself. I used to moonlight as a professional belly dancer (thru my 1st trimester) – is that feminist enough?
Really though, I guess I’m just into people doing what is comfortable for them – for some that means fitting into the more traditional/conservative that make others twitch – for others it is totally in your face, bucking the system – I think we need all of that and everything in between. I’m also still sifting out the culture vs. the doctrine of the church – which is another reason I really enjoy this site. I have to admit though I get pretty freaked out and horrified at some of the YW stuff I see posted. Politically, I’m libertarian all the way – well, maybe not as I haven’t joined a militia.
Comment by MrsK — July 9, 2009 @ 4:18 pm
I feel like I’ve been here since the beginning of time. Was there ever a time when I didn’t know fmh? I have no idea how I found it by this point, but it’s the first site I check in the morning, and usually my last at night. This is my little community and I love it here.
I also miss Janet. Sheesh. How long does it take to write a dissertation already.
I live in San Diego too (Woot woot! Where were all you guys at last years snacker? I think this year we may need to move the snacker further south.), with my husband who is slowly slowly slowly letting go of the indoctrination of his youth and opening his mind to my crazy liberal ways, and my 18 month old miracle baby who has survived being born 3 months premature and is now overcoming cerebral palsy.
When I’m not running back and forth to doctors and physical therapists and pushing my little Atticus through his exercises, I keep a craft/mommy/lifestyle blog at ReeseDixon.com. I am a craft designer by trade, and I’m trying to actually make that a career again instead of just something I keep hanging onto. I make stuff. A lot of stuff. All the time. Don’t get me started on crafting as a feminist act, and it would probably also be wise to not disparage scrapbooking in my presence. Scrapbooking is what you make of it. And that is more than Creative Memories. I’ll leave it at that.
I also write about serving in Young Women’s over at Beginnings New with my friend Jeans who I met right here at fmh. We try to be the answer for YW leaders who don’t want to be TAMN.
Since Atticus can’t walk, summer is a little complicated. Beach and park trips with an immobile toddler is more trouble than it’s worth, so we are spending this summer catching up on television shows we never gave a chance. Burn Notice is great great fun, Dexter is gorgeous and profound despite the fact that it gives me nightmares, Battlestar Galactica truly is really frackin’ awesome, and anyone who is not watching So You Think You Can Dance is missing out on one of the greatest joys in life.
Comment by reese — July 9, 2009 @ 4:20 pm
Completely deparate for intelligent Mormon discourse, my friend suggested FMH. She mentioned it in hushed tones as feminism and independent thought is strictly taboo in the Midwest … that was sometime in 2007.
I participate only occassionally since I generally don’t have anything unique to contribute - but I almost always read the post and most of the comments - unless of course we’re revisiting the poop chronicles. At that point, the kids can make their own dinner.
I grew up with Helen Reddy on the radio and Helen Gurley Brown on my nightstand - I’ve self identified as feminist for a long time now.
I’m a grad student, a wife to the same husband for 2+ decades, and we have four fun-to-be-around kids. We’ve moved so often, we tend to tire of any single place at about 4 years. Oh, I’m in recovery since 27 Feb 1997.
It’s practically Friday - make it a great one!
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 9, 2009 @ 4:24 pm
I can’t remember when I stumbled onto this site, but I know it was June 2008, because I had just been diagnosed with a pesky chronic disease, and let myself wallow in way too much self-pity for a couple of weeks and waste time online.
I comment very infrequently, but read faithfully because it’s nice to know other people think about some of the same issues I do. I actually had a women’s history course with fmhLisa, and although I didn’t really know her, she was so impressive that once I realized it was her blog, I was hooked!
I’m a sahm of three with a very useful master’s degree in history, with an emphasis on women in the American West. I enjoy running, reading, and cooking.
Comment by smalltowngirl — July 9, 2009 @ 4:26 pm
How did I find fMh? I’m pretty sure I found it through a google search on mormon feminism about 3 years ago. I left my first comment sometime last year and comment off and on although not as often as I used to.
I have loved this site and keep coming back because I know very few if any feminists in person. So it’s a way for me to connect with other people who are more liberal and as a side note my husband and I are planning at trying our hands (as soon as we move to an area where we can) at some urban chicken farming thanks to mfranti who convinced me (much to my husband’s chagrin) that it was a good idea. He really wanted to do it for a while, but couldn’t convince me, but then I read about mfranti’s chickens and he is still a little bitter that it took fMh and not him to convince me.
About me, growing up I was really conservative and often self-righteous, but through some major life changing events I realized I had lots of unanswered questions I could no longer ignore and had strong feminist beliefs that I often kept hidden. I consider myself a feminist and attend church every week. fMh is one of the reasons I am even able to keep going. I am a sahm with two kids living in the salt lake area, who is going back to work this fall as a literacy specialist. Literacy is one of my passions and really I could talk about books all day long and frequently do. In fact my sister and I have a book blog where we review books, that’s how much of a bookworm I am.
Comment by Violet — July 9, 2009 @ 4:26 pm
Whoops. already found a typo. I can’t remember HOW I stumbled onto this site, do remember when!
Comment by smalltowngirl — July 9, 2009 @ 4:27 pm
I have read a bit the past few years but never really got into it much. I’ve been coming here consisently since the elections last year when I realized how different my opinions were from the typical Mormon.
I am friends with Shelah and Lyn, both fmh posters. And my husband and I know Derek and his wife. We lived in the same dorms in college. Now I live in Idaho with my very liberal dh and we have two boys. Hopefully another one soon if I can get myself knocked up. I’m a sahm but I am also a Scentsy Director on the side. It’s nice to have something to do that doesn’t involve my kids or cleaning my house.
I’m active LDS and I’ve been a member all my life. I’m also one of those people that question EVERYTHING. Everything. I have issues with stuff on a daily basis, so it’s nice to come to this site and not feel so crazy. lol.
Comment by EmLouisa — July 9, 2009 @ 4:43 pm
violet, i actually named one of my chooks after your handle. if you are in salt lake, i have a couple/few bantams for sale. they’re buff colored cohcins and they just started laying. i’m glad i could actually influence someone. even if its to keep chickens.
woot!
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
EmLouisa-I lived in Morgan hall one year and Rich hall the other. (I think that was ‘96-’98.) I stumbled onto Derek’s blog and pestered him until I figured out why he looked so familiar- we were in the same ward.
Comment by Alliegator — July 9, 2009 @ 4:50 pm
I found the sight a few years ago when I was taking a feminist methodology class at Columbia College.(www.ccis.edu) I am very interested in Sociology and also the subject of women’s oppression. I had never really grown up under the impression that women were somehow oppressed. Yet after taking several women’s studies classes, I had come to the conclusion that it is “not an equal playing field” for women vs men in our country, and there is are “unearned priveleges” of being men in America from such things as higher wages, more opportunities, etc. I stumbled onto the site while googling the subject of feminist methodology. I happen to also be LDS and find this site very interesting. My wife thinks it odd that I like this site. One thing I did learn while taking women’s study classes is that men can be “feminists”, so far as believing or standing for equality if you will. I am deeply concerned about the problem of violent crime in America. This crime is committed by men not women in most cases. I wonder if men should be socialized to be more passive (or conciliatory) and less agressive, as they tend to be naturally that way(aggressive) that is compounded I think by the ideology of teaching boys to become more aggressive in order to become the dominators of society. I think men need to become less domineering, not more,(in order to curb the violent crime in America.) I hope to have a degree someday in Sociology and hope to be able to address that subject in some way. I have just graduated from Columbia College, and will begin at American Public University this fall (apus.edu) in American History.
Steve
Comment by Steve — July 9, 2009 @ 4:54 pm
I came here because of a guy, who pointed it out to me almost four years ago. I have always considered myself a feminist, and I am a very happy Mormon. Not a housewife, although I love my own little treehouse and occasionally do dishes.
Comment by Katie P. — July 9, 2009 @ 4:56 pm
So loose track of time,but I think I found myself here in 07.Oh I so found myself.Due to horrible illness,unable to attend church since 05,and am also a carer to two very sick children.Raised by a woman twice divorced,who discriminated against women and was strong enough to convert. Am married to a saint.
Often not strong enough to comment,one way or another,and lack the rigour of academia,so am often intimidated.That sometimes expresses itself online in bullishness I think.I’d like to change that,but really struggle to express myself accurately on first try.Love these women and men,love the learning,love the provocation.Love the grace,Ray amongst many.Love the journey in the company of you guys.Thankyou every day.
Comment by wayfarer — July 9, 2009 @ 5:02 pm
re: 73
I agree, M. I consider the friends I’ve made here on FMH some of my closest friends. I wish I could get together with more of them more often in person.
.
Em! Good to see you here!
‘Gator, Em came into the ward the same year my wife did, so I believe you were gone by then. It’s funny how all three of us are in roughly the same place ideologically, and yet I don’t think any of us had a clue at the time.
Comment by Derek — July 9, 2009 @ 5:06 pm
In the summer of 2005 I had graduated from college, quit my job, moved, and had my first son all within about 2 months. I was having trouble adjusting- to say the least. In the fall my husband stumbled upon a link to fMhLisa’s Ultimate Polygamy Post, and suggested that I read it saying it was right up my alley.
I’ve been around ever since. At first I was much more prolific, but that’s because I tend to clam up when I care what people think about me. It really means that I like you all.
I am currently 26, I have two sons (4 and 2), live in Phoenix Arizona (near south mountain), I have two chickens, and a fabulous husband. I tend to be pretty orthodox in practice, but I’m rather heretical in my actual beliefs. I have a BS in Astronomy, but I have no idea what I plan on doing with my life once my kids have sucked me dry.
Comment by Starfoxy — July 9, 2009 @ 5:12 pm
I can’t remember how I found fmH, but it is my lifeline and solace now. I comment only seldomly, but I love to read and absorb the varied ideas from everyone. I participate here because I believe in absolute equality. I have carried a label that was placed on me at a very early age as an effeminate man and a “mama’s boy”, and my mom was the first Mormon feminist I knew, planting those seeds of equality in my mind by defending me and my ways and defending herself against seeming ridiculousness in our Mormon church. I was a gullible youngster, and feel exactly like those words some LDS blogger coined recently “teenage mutant ninja Mormons”, transformed from the early absolute believer to the faithful dissenter in Mormonism that I am now. I have no place I can dissent, though, as I am scared to show my true colors at Church. I am a High Priest and know intimately all the in’s and out’s of the church and have served in countless varied callings in the Church, my favorite being ward organist that I am right now.
I now love differences, though I used to hate contention. I now love intricate details of Church history, though I used to look down on people who dug up the dirt, so to speak. I now have hopes of a better world all around, but realize it (a changed world) might not come from the Church that, at once, I enjoy and hate and love.
I love huswifery, which is where I chase my wife around the house (when the kids are gone) calling “come here, you brazen hussie.” Or have I gotten the definition wrong?
Married almost 25 years to a wonderful former feminist, who realized she was really a conservative Republican about 5 years into our marriage, I nevertheless love her and my 5 children. We have 3 teenage girls still at home, 2 older boys, one on a mission in Brazil and the other married and at BYU-I (how typical can we be?).
All last year, there were 5 women in my house, as we hosted a German foreign exchange student in addition to my 3 teenage girls and my wife. My masculinity must have emerged this last year, because I got out of the house whenever I could, hiking alone in the mountains, or just driving away. So, I’m still learning about gender and realizing that perhaps absolute equality is much farther away than I thought.
Carry on, fmh! I love you!
Comment by KevinR — July 9, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
Thanks, Numi and wayfarer. Mel sent me an e-mail and told me of Numi’s comment, so I figured I’d drag my sorry butt back here and comment on this thread.
I found fmh when I first dove into the Bloggernacle back in early 2007. (and “dove” is a good description) I was commenting a wee bit on other blogs
, but I only lurked here for a few months. Finally, I decided to start commenting when I realized there were other guys who participated - and I thoroughly enjoyed the ride.
I changed jobs recently (Admissions Counselor at Culver-Stockton College in Missouri - check it out and send your kids here!), so my blogging time got reduced dramatically. I’m an admin at a couple of sites, so I’ve had to focus almost all my actual typing time there and on my own blog - which all of you guys and gals are welcome to visit any time, since I post something (a post or a link) daily. (How’s that for shameless self-promotion?) I still drop by here occasionally and read when I have a spare minute or two, but it’s been a while since I actually commented.
I miss the conversations we had, but I just have so much less time than I used to have. I love my new job, but . . . *SIGH* Maybe I can carve out a few minutes on a regular basis to comment once in a while again.
Comment by Ray — July 9, 2009 @ 5:19 pm
How did you find fMh?
–I started blogging in 2005 and this was the only large LDS blog at the time, and despite my schizophrenic feelings I kept coming back to it.
Why do you participate here?
–I feel like most of the discussions here are productive, and people here tend to be very honest about their own experiences, leading me to be more honest that I thought I’d ever be in the monster forum of the internet. I like that I can say something and I know everyone who responds (or almost everyone) is responding honestly and not giving pat-answers or agreeing with you to only to your face
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Feminism: I am a feminist by this definition. I’m thoroughly Mormon and I guess I could call myself a housewife but I prefer the term “household management” and/or full-time mother.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m pretty open minded most of the time and enjoy blogging for the sake of open, sometimes controversial discussion. I am a writer, with 4 unpublished novels under my belt. I’ve been a victim of domestic violence and porn addiction and am a huge, flag-planting advocate for those affected by these things. I like this blog because the women and men here don’t seem to be scared off by gritty, earthy discussions that, IMO need to take place far more often than they do, so kudos to you people who keep this blog going.
Comment by sare — July 9, 2009 @ 5:20 pm
I read a few posts on FMH last year, then this spring a friend directed me hear because she wanted me to say something about homeschooling. I stayed because I like intelligent, faithful women.
I’m for people. I am frequently amazed at what people can do in difficult circumstances. I share many causes with feminists-natural and safe childbirth, recognizing the power of motherhood and homemaking, fair pay, and in general seeing the value of people.
I believe in Jesus Christ and in the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints.
I like to cook. I’ve been 90% raw for the past 3 months. I like the whole raw milk, organic, buy local, grow your own-kinda thing
We homeschool our 8 children. I love to read classics, am working on learning Hebrew and think about running.
I live in small town texas right now and am still deciding how I feel about it.
Comment by britt — July 9, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
(For those of you too young to have kids in college - curse you - send your siblings or friends here!)
Comment by Ray — July 9, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
This describes me perfectly 5 years earlier!
Comment by Stephanie — July 9, 2009 @ 5:22 pm
wayfarer, if you don’t mind my asking, what illness are you struggling with?
britt, near what major city of Texas?
Comment by Stephanie — July 9, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
I stumbled on this site doing a google search for something church related earlier this year. I didn’t realize people like this existed in the church, so I was really excited about it. Then when I moved recently I looked up the fMh facebook members to see if there was anyone in my area, and the one person listed ended up being in my ward. I was so excited, and I really like my new ward, too.
I’m 30, my husband and I have 2 boys (ages 3 and 5). My 3 year old was diagnosed with autism last November. I’m a stay at home mom and I do transcription for a podiatrist friend of ours.
Oh, and I agree that Battlestar Galactica is frakin’ awesome! Also my dad and brother got me hooked on the Tour de France in 2003, so even though normally I can’t get 5 minutes by myself to watch tv, somehow I manage to skim through a tivo recording of three hours of Tour coverage every day. I love July.
Comment by Kimarie — July 9, 2009 @ 5:26 pm
Isn’t that a bit of an oxymoron, britt? If it’s 90% raw, you only cook 10% of the food.
Back to your regularly scheduled blog…
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 5:30 pm
mike h (#57) I am totally going to facebook/tweet that image. thanks.
Comment by G — July 9, 2009 @ 5:30 pm
Don’t remember how I found FMH, but have been lurking on and off for a few years. Don’t always agree with what’s being said, but am usually interested. Luckily I grew up in an LDS family where “feminist” was not a dirty word and was lucky enough to have gone to wards where women were often highly educated, intellectual, and proactive in all things. That being said, I’ve seen my share of women and men who tend to go in the opposite direction - in and out of the church. I went to a non-LDS college and I’ve also lived in the Middle East for the better part of a year and am fascinated by the culture, especially as regards women (I came in too late on the burqa debate to comment, but it was interesting reading your comments).
Comment by HC — July 9, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
Firstly, high five to a fellow admissions counselor! (Ray #77) If you don’t like Ray’s school, send your kids to mine!
I found FMH my senior year of college (2005-2006). I wanted to read “Mormon Enigma.” It had been calling to me for years from the bookshelf of the Kirtland temple bookstore. But I had the feeling it would be hard for me to read at first, as it was my first venture into the world of scholarly Church history reading. I didn’t want to read it by myself, though, because I knew I would have lots of questions/things I wanted to discuss. So I googled the book and found this site; this was back when they had the online book club that was reading the book. Loved the book, and loved the site for helping me through it.
In the four years that followed, I have sworn this place off several times (mostly due to trolls—skin just isn’t thick enough yet, I suppose) but keep coming back. I’ve guest posted a few times under my former screen name (Marie). Don’t comment as often as I read, and when I do I tend to get in towards the end of a discussion. It’s all good, though. Stil love to read the posts and comments even if I don’t get to engage much with the readers.
I particularly enjoy airing my YSA grievances here (that was the subject of my first guest post about three years ago). Singles issues (both YSA and SA) are a big issue for me these days. It’s good to know I’m not the only one who is struggling with it.
So thanks FMH for being all that you are! =)
Comment by Phoenix — July 9, 2009 @ 5:36 pm
#86 - I’m fine with that order. *GRIN*
Comment by Ray — July 9, 2009 @ 5:38 pm
Hi Everyone!
I found FMH from a New York Times article in 2004. I had a new baby, my first, and was negotiating the frightening prospect of leaving grad school to be “just” a mommy for a while.
FMH helped me SO MUCH. I learned that my periodic sadness and resentment were normal, that I didn’t have to feel so guilty for these feelings. I decided that these feelings actually are a result of structural problems, which will be resolved some day in some future utopia. I decided, through these discussions, that I would become the truth-teller in my community. I would claim my messy house as a sign of good priorities. I would encourage SAHMs and SAHDs in my group to think about how to find balance in their relationships, so both parents could equally share the benefits and burdens of parenthood.
I recently moved from the Boston area to the SF Bay Area. I have two kids, am nearing 30, waiting to adopt more. I’m a SAHM, an artist for myself, married to an apostate Mormon, very interested in Mormonism, hope to someday be a protestant minister.
And I hope, someday, to meet Lisa and Janet! You two are my favorite.
Comment by Vg — July 9, 2009 @ 5:39 pm
How did you find fMh?
Bust magazine. Ate that up. Had a few friends from far flung places ask me if I’d read the article. Which is peculiar since I’d never evinced any particular fondness or dislike of Mormons. It just seemed like my kind of thing.
Why do you participate here?
Because I love my peculiar people. It’s not always easy; Prop 8 and sitting behind a black man at church a few weeks ago, just feeling my heart breaking over the church’s history and the cognitive dissonance overload his presence inspired in me. I also think I’m a better person for my participation here; there’s a problem if all of our friends look like and think like we do.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I’m a third wave feminist, came to the label late, but own it now. My thoughts on Mormonism ebb and flow. In general I think it’s on par with any other religion; bizarre but credible. The nature of “presiding,” eternal roles,church hierarchy and etc, seem like discussions that can and do take place in all faith communities to varying degrees. But then ya’ll do a post on sealings or (on other sites), anthropology/historical underpinnings of the Church and then I’m afraid my incredulity takes over. And then fades… Huswifery? Eh. I just quit my business. Part of it was the baby, but mostly it was an untenable landlord situation. I’m going to try writing for my local paper. My local paper does not know this yet…
About you?
I am an atheist, not of the Hitchens variety, more of the Stephen Fry persuasion. I like poetry, I like majesty and some of faith’s more ennobling offspring. I was raised a Bahai. Flirted with protestantism, goddess worshipping and new age-y tripe. Settled into atheism by 16. Initially said “outgrew” then realized how condescending that sounded. Please nominate me for MIP in next years Niblets…:)
I am really really honored when people on fMh take the time to say they like something I said or welcome me into this community. For the most part I am absurdly, stridently even, confident (ask Chandelle) but I do get horrendous flak from my non Mo friends for my love of fMh and the Saints (some day soon the “mock intervention” from my friends won’t be mock- I’ll let you all know the hilarity that ensues…) So thanks twinmomnc! I would love to do a guest post some time on how one gender-priesthood gyps men based on my reading of a Gloria Fuertes poem. I have a 17 year old son and a year and a half old son. I am friends IRL with mfranti, chandelle, reese and artemis because I banged on their doors until they let me in.
Oh and I’ve met Derek too. Yes, Lorian, he’s worth considering walking away from your two decades long relationship…ha ha.
Oh and I’m going to Sunstone this year with Chandelle and unless she’s already filled it I think we have room for one more sister wife in our room - two queens. And some beds… (good lord- what IS wrong with me?)
I am coo coo crazy over my partner of 14 years. I write him silly couplets all the time and he tolerates my obsessions admirably. I identify as queer but am also monogomous for life so it’s barely relevant. I stay pretty active in Democrat politics and snort coffee out my nose when I read that Steph still considers herself conservative…:)
This was fun. I’ve loved reading everyone’s comments and I would like to prematurely nominate myself for a 2009 Niblet for navel gazing on the strength of this comment!
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 9, 2009 @ 5:41 pm
Vg: Where in the Bay area? I’m in San Jose.
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
How did you find fMh? From bycommonconcent.com. I was searching for an answer to the question of what exactly is petting and heavy petting.
Why do you participate here? I enjoy this forum for the wide array of opinions and thoughts. There is a true sense of community and sisterhood even though we are all in different places.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) I don’t really consider myself falling into any of the categories but maybe I need to revisit that. I have worked my entire life in male dominated careers and tend to be nice to the mens. I am a bit of a free spirit that sends Utah LDS folks into a tizzy. I am not married and my kids are grown.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I moved to Utah when I was 17 after having ovarian cancer. My foster father lived in VA but had a “government job” so I came to Utah to live with the foster mom and siblings. My birth family consists of 12 children and we were poor farmers. I was an air traffic controller at 21 but am now an attorney and charity director. I have two children - my 21 year old daughter was recently married in the temple; she got her bachelors degree when she was 19. My son is 18 and a senior in college and just returned from summer in Japan. I run a post crisis education center for women. I remodeled an entire 4000 square foot place by myself and have the power tools to prove it. Having cancer at a young age taught me to be grateful for life, to work hard, to have an upbeat attitude and not to make or accept excuses. I proudly never went to a soccer game.
Comment by StillConfused — July 9, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
please share your experiences. i didn’t know anybody who lived in the ME when i posted that.
please comment.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
#78 Britt, I am learning Hebrew as well! I took an introductory class at the local Jewish Community Center and have a number of books. I also have multiple Israeli friends.
Comment by StillConfused — July 9, 2009 @ 5:45 pm
My daughter, a devout LDS wife and SAHM introduced me to this site.
I’m pleasantly surprised that she follows the threads here, and attribute her broad mindedness to my teaching her to keep an open mind about religion.
My work as a school counselor and school psychologist gives me time during vacations and holidays to add to the FMH’s conversations. I appreciate the forum, where we can openly discuss religious experience, ethics and our thoughts. It is interesting to see how others communicate their ideas or even when they use verbal techniques to try to shut down a dialogue.
Here, there is not the sense of overcontrol of communication that is present in other areas such as church, school and other public forums. We can usually work out our differing opinions or allow ourselves to disagree.
Comment by Jo — July 9, 2009 @ 5:45 pm
PS - Battlestar Galactica is the best!
Comment by MrsK — July 9, 2009 @ 5:49 pm
Yay! When I get time, I’m going back to read everyone’s answers. I’m dying to feel closer to all of you sisters.
I found FMH late last summer, during all the Prop 8 hullabuloo. I followed a link to Not Ophelia’s post entitled, “Traditional marriage is dead (and it’s a good thing too)”. First, I LOVED that post. And second, my jaw about hit the floor when I saw the title of this blog. I had no idea there were so many feminist Mormons out there.
I participate here because it is SO NICE to talk to people who share my religious AND my social values. Unfortunately, I’ve mostly only found this online. I love the conversation, I love the openness, and I love the people. I would jump up and down for joy at the chance to meet more of you in “real”, non-virtual life.
Oh man, my thoughts….. I’ve got some very, very deep concerns about reconciling womanhood with Mormonhood. I feel like I could carry on here for too long, so I’ll just continue on. Oh, but housewives are awesome, although I don’t know if I’ll ever be a “true” housewife. My husband and I still don’t have kids, and I’m not sure about the whole SAHM thing….. might drive me absolutely crazy.
I don’t have the long-suffering of a lot of other people.
Also, I consider the work I will someday be doing outside the home to be incredibly important too. I feel a moral obligation to remain committed to it as well. It’s complicated and weird, but perfect for me. Rather than giving it up to have kids, I’d want to involve my children in my activism.
As for me…… I’m Natalie. I’m loud, opinionated, flirty, passionate, over-dramatic, and overly-introspective. I love talking and communicating. I’m 22, just graduated from the University of Pennsylvania with my BA. I’m married, and adore my geeky, artsy husband. Until last week, I lived in Philadelphia. I am SORELY missing that amazing city. Now, I’m living in Seattle. My experience with attending the new ward for the first time was disappointing, so I’m hoping it goes up from here. Oh, I love Charles Dickens, and most other old authors.
I love Billy Joel and Rachmaninoff. I love bullhorns. Good food is one of the most important things in my life, I swear. 
Uh…. I feel a little self-indulgent now, so I’ll just stop.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 9, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
CWC, my favorite commenter on fmh.
she oozes with confidence–not to be confused with arrogance. she emanates love and compassion and she is my hero. she’s the person i most want to be like when i grow up.
and i’ll share a bed with her anytime. oh wait, i think i have….
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
I have no idea how I found fmh, but I’ve been lurking, learning, and commenting for nearly a year.
I’m your typical suburban Mormon patriarch with big house, six kids, and professional job who is utterly dependent on a non-feminist, unphilosophical, self-sacrificing housewife. Not at all the blog’s target audience.
My wife thinks it’s funny I read this (she doesn’t understand feminism — as far as she’s concerned, I’m the patriarch and I’m to do as she tells me, so what’s the big deal). But, she’s a registered Republican who voted Obama with me.
I love the church. I believe it’s God’s church. But this is also God’s world (He made it), and there are some messed up things in both. But I personally wouldn’t want to remove myself from either — it’d feel like the same thing to me. I think He wants me to do my part to make both better. And myself better, as well.
Ironically, I may be less of a true feminist than I was when I started reading. Between my wife, my teenage daughters, and a number of things I’ve read (posted here and elsewhere), I’ve come to the conclusion that there is something divine about womanhood that is different than manhood, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to put a finger on what it is.
Comment by Martin — July 9, 2009 @ 5:52 pm
no wait! mel take down my jo comment- i didn’t know I was about to be called out for being all nice and everything!
i also want to nominate myself for luckiest non-mo on the bloggernacle in next years Niblets. Met Derek AND snuggled mfranti? I mean, c’mon.
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 9, 2009 @ 5:57 pm
FMH has t-shirts?! I need one.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 9, 2009 @ 6:01 pm
Regarding the t-shirts…I want one with the “angry activists with diapers to change” tagline. I love that!
Comment by Kimarie — July 9, 2009 @ 6:04 pm
natalie, see the upper right side of this page. it’ll take you to a place where you can order.
i’m commenting too much on this thread. must. shut. up. now.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 6:07 pm
I’m pretty sure I found fMh through a Google site and felt instantly at home. To think - I wasn’t a freak, there were other liberal feminist Mormons out there! I post (too much) because my real job has large moments of nothingness. I believe women have always been undervalued - socially, politically, economically. Women have always contributed economically to their households, either through paid labor or through unpaid labor, and this is still undervalued.
I’m passionate about global poverty, disgusted with consumerism, quite bitter about this attitude that is so prevelant amongst so many Americans that the poor are at fault for everything (for being poor - “If they weren’t so lazy they’d be rich”; for the global financial crisis - “Why did those losers think they should have a home anyway?”). I believe that Marx was spot-on about so many things.
I’m a mom of two, the primary breadwinner, and a bundle of contradiction. (I hate consumerism but love fashion.)
Comment by Quimby — July 9, 2009 @ 6:10 pm
I’m going to try writing for my local paper. My local paper does not know this yet…
I had to read this comment aloud to J with with the statement, “That is SO CWC. That is exactly what she’d do. She’d march down to the offices of the local newspaper, walk in and say, ‘Hi! I’m your new feature writer!’ And they’d be so impressed by her, they’d give her a column on the spot.” I do hope to be like you someday, CWC. I stand in awe of you.
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 6:14 pm
O Quimby…you know just how to turn me on, don’t you? Pulling out Marx and anti-consumerism poverty and fashion…wait, not fashion. I got carried away.
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 6:17 pm
#63- I’ve used stuff from your Beginnings New site before!
Comment by Alliegator — July 9, 2009 @ 6:17 pm
found you guys about a year ago, just hopping links one day started at Navel Gazing and ended up here
I lurked for quite a while, amazed that a had actually stumbled upon people that could admit they had issues with the LDS church, but in many cases still choose to continue to go. After a while I decided you were athentic ;o) and that I needed to comment once in a while. Wish I could run into people like you guys in real life, but somehow you all are hard to spot!
I’m currently in limbo as far as trying to reconcile my feminist leanings with my LDS beliefs and the subculture that goes a long with it. Wondering if the benefits of raising my children in the LDS “bubble” (yes I live in Mormonville) truely outweight the downfalls of raising my daughter specifically in this atmosphere.
I have three kids and am happily married to a truly sympathetic feminist guy that understands my quirks and issues, even if he doesn’t have first hand experience with people being sexist towards him the way that they are to me. He is truly my soul mate and I can’t imagine ever being able to find another guy like mine!
Until recently I was what many of you would call a “Koolaid Mormon” I drank just about anything that the leadership told me without much thought… glad I snapped into actually contemplating things and I love the fact that people here always bring new ideas to the table to consider.
I have to admit though…. I miss Ray.
Comment by April — July 9, 2009 @ 6:20 pm
Holy cow, so much more to read when I came back tonight! I’m loving this!
NatalieK- your timing on the move was so terrible. I could have had a real life FMH friend if you had stuck around another month!
I third/fourth/fifth whatever the number is missing Ray. Always loved his comments.
Comment by Alyssa — July 9, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
I found FMH through a link on The Exponent. I’ve enjoyed reading the post there off and on for a little over a year, and I followed links and comments to here. I don’t fit the housewives category, but I do consider myself a feminist mormon.
When I tell people (both mormon and not) that I’m feminist mormon, they look at me funny and say something like, “Is that even possible?” Just because I’m feminist, it doesn’t make me a man hater or a dangerous radical. As an English major in college, I often took a feminist viewpoint. That means I studied and analyzed how women are treated and portrayed in the literature I studied. It didn’t take long for me to start looking at how women are treated and displayed in the church.
I’m a lifelong member of the church raised by converts. Our family moved to Utah when I was nine. I finished my BA degree when I was 23, and I’m now teaching for the second year 8th grade Language Arts in a Utah school district. While I have a strong testimony, I’m a bit of a dissident since I’m currently considering marrying a non-member. *GASP!* (
Comment by Mellina — July 9, 2009 @ 6:27 pm
After the “*GASP!*” it should say in parenthesis “
Comment by Mellina — July 9, 2009 @ 6:32 pm
cwc, she’s gonna carry that label til she goes into the ground. she’s a proud woman, that one.
mellina, i’m married to a non mo too. so is quimby. you’re in good company.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 6:36 pm
Yeah, where did Ray go? I hope he’s gone because he finally got a decent job. He’d been looking and I hope the tough times are over…
Comment by Martin — July 9, 2009 @ 6:45 pm
#113 - Martin, see #77. *grin*
Comment by Ray — July 9, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
and, thanks, everyone, for all the love. You’re making it hard to not carve out a few minutes occasionally.
Comment by Ray — July 9, 2009 @ 6:49 pm
btw, Natalie K., good having you in Sunday School last week. Nice comments.
Comment by Steve Evans — July 9, 2009 @ 6:55 pm
Found FMH a little over two years ago and read a lot but never commented till about six months back. I can’t recall how I found it but I was reading a lot of Sunstone & Dialogue and looking through various blogs — trying to find something to help me come to grips with my feelings and concerns about church life, the gospel, and cultural leanings that were driving me up the f*ing wall. I was looking (yet again) to find some answers in my life, and probably not even knowing that I was looking to find some friends that I could relate to a little more. While I’m not a mom, or a housewife (just currently unemployed and recently married to a non-religious man), I have found myriad of commenters here that I feel I can relate to and enjoy even if they don’t know who I am or that I am listening to them. I needed to find others with more liberal or progressive sentiments who wouldn’t think that because I was ‘liberal’ that I was going to hell or some ridiculous idea like that. I also felt very isolated as a single, 30 something with a career. I was starting to buy into the idea that I was going to go to hell because I hadn’t just settled for the first guy I met at BYU and because I had a career and didn’t have kids. I couldn’t take the self-esteem bludgeoning anymore and that (and many other) many things didn’t feel right in my heart. Many singles wards were a drudgery and I came home feeling worse about myself than before. In lots of family wards I couldn’t escape the constant lessons solely focusing on how to help your kids, husband, eternal family.. whoever… instead of focusing on yourself and coming to Christ and so I struggled there too. Some of the women in the family wards would act like you were a pariah there to steal their husband just by sitting in sacrament meeting as a single person… I really just needed a friend. A true, open friend. I needed to know that not only was I not alone as a woman who was single and ‘older’ in the church, but I needed to know that I wasn’t alone in some of the things I struggle with and have serious doubts and/or questions about… ie… temple ceremonies, patriarchal order, priesthood, gay marriage, eternal marriage, not sure if I want kids or would even be a good mother– and the list goes on. I’ve found great comfort and a little bit of peace in reading through many other’s thoughts, positions in life, and ways of thinking through FMH. Thank you all so much for your sharing, your kindness to one another, and your openness to different/differing ideas. It uplifts me.
Comment by moksha — July 9, 2009 @ 7:01 pm
whoops. sorry so long.
Comment by moksha — July 9, 2009 @ 7:02 pm
Hi! I can’t remember when I “found” fMh - maybe 2007? I’ve gone through periods where I comment more often - but lately, I’ve been commenting less. (I think it was that going back to work thing that has put a damper on my comments!) I actually even had a guest post once upon a time.
It was kind of funny to realize other ‘nacler’s in my ward - we kind of had the “peanut gallery” going on during Sunday School, but then Shelah up and moved and I’ve been called to primary, so poor mpb is left to his lonesome. And like EmLouisa said - we’re friends, too and have interesting conversations about the intersection of religion, women’s roles and politics.
I really do LOVE fMh…. even if I don’t comment all the time… it helps me feel the community that I long for. I work in the chemicals industry - training as a chemical engineer, but it has been eons since I’ve actually done engineering. More on the sales & marketing side for the past 3 or 4 years. My husband and I were both previously married and each have a child from the first marriage. I spent many years as a single-working mom. I work part time right now and love, love the flexibility - although I’ll likely be going full time in Jan.
Comment by lyn — July 9, 2009 @ 7:04 pm
That’s great Ray! I’m really happy for you!
I don’t know how I missed that comment…
Comment by Martin — July 9, 2009 @ 7:15 pm
I have loved getting to know everyone a little bit better. I followed links back to people’s personal blogs, and loved seeing pictures of everyone and their families, or just them or their chickens.
I have been reading fmh for about six months. I was in one of those lows….questioning a lot of things within the church and somehow google spit me out onto this site. For the first time I found views that more closely follow my own. I am still trying to come to terms with things like the proclamation to the family saying women should stay home, polygamy, and the church’s view on prop 8. I am trying to figure out if I can fit into the church, without losing who I am.
I am often frustrated. I grew up believing that women were born to have babies (lots and lots of babies). It was the greatest gift God could give us (ect, ect) If you are going to stay home and have babies why would you need a collage degree or even shoes…..Fast forward and I feel like that is a bunch of @#^#!. I am SAHM, I love my kids, I love my job so why do I feel angry that I was lead to believe this was the only choice I could make, if it is the choice I would have made anyway? Anything less would have not been living up to the full measure of my creation, anything more….well that would have just been down right feminist. Such a dirty word where I come from, and now the very word I would use to describe myself.
I comment here because I am just learning to use my voice, as pathetic as it sounds I am for the first time in my life learning to stand up for myself and have my own desires. I am learning to be strong. I am in a painful marriage, I have played the victim role too long….it is long past time for me to stand up for myself, and this is a good place to practice.
I am 32, with 4 kids, living in Salt Lake with a husband who left the church 7 years ago. Church is lonely. I am questioning who I am and who I want to be, I am wondering if the mark I leave on the world could be bigger than the 4 children who will live on after I die. I am looking for a person who got lost living life by the rules.
Thanks for the patience, I find your comments to be insightful, challenging, and intellectually stimulating. I am often in awe at some of the women on this site, and there are times when I feel like you are truly my sisters.
Comment by kandi and salt — July 9, 2009 @ 7:21 pm
“
Phew. I think my karma has been repaid. A million years ago a YW leader came to the bakery (her son had been part of a kids class I’d done) and asked me to teach breadbaking to the YW - the Stake President (?I think) was coming to visit and the girls were going to prepare him dinner. I refused unless the YM were invited to bake as well. If they asked me today I’d say yes and then hold forth on feminist principles of breadmaking! At the time I felt really bad- we negotiated back and forth - mostly talking past each other. Is it progress that pre-fMh I was more stridently feminist? Curiously, the same thing happened with knitting. I taught a class through my library, a YW leader was taking it, asked if I’d teach her girls, “will boys be invited?”… The other subject I’ve taught is poetry and (so far) no one has suggested I teach only girls the poetic form. Yet. Maybe I need to take uo welding…
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 9, 2009 @ 7:22 pm
Hooray Alligator! I love hearing that someone out there is finding it useful.
Natalie K, I have no doubt that you will grow to love Seattle. I spent a lot of time there in my teenage years and I miss it with my whole heart. It’s a very blue place, and even the total conservative mormons won’t look askance at you for wanting to recycle.
Also, someone might want to remind cwc how privileged someone might be if they were to eat a meal prepared by the world famous* lifestyle expert Tresa Edmunds.
*One reader in Australia counts as world famous, right?
Comment by reese — July 9, 2009 @ 8:13 pm
Someone was very generous to neglect mentioning that someone had thirds of someone’s world famous cooking. Not saying any names!
Reese and I had the funnest two person-babies named Atticus-foodie-crafty-snacker ever. I am a lucky girl. Maybe Seth will come up for Frontier Days and we’ll try to out-weird that one.
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 9, 2009 @ 8:30 pm
I found FMH though a really good friend of mine from high school when I was visiting home one summer between semesters. We always have interesting discussions on gender: I’m a Mormon feminist and she’s a bisexual atheist gender studies major. She ran across an article about feminism in the Church in Bust magazine which briefly referenced FMH and I decided to check it out, been following pretty frequently ever since. I like the topics and discussions, and I like that I don’t always agree with everything but feel like people are free to disagree agreeably here, more or less, and really share their true opinions, not just the standard answers. That’s mostly why I stick around. I also like the allowance for male feminists, some feminist groups don’t get down with that. For me, equality is fundamental and all parties need to be involved. In many many ways, the guys also have a lot to lose with male-chauvinism, because I see no point in a relationship with a partner you feel is in any way lesser than you. I don’t see how you can fully relate to deity without both a female and male figure (in a sort of Jungian way. I dig Jung). I don’t see how you can feel like a whole human without two parts of yourself, both a masculine and a feminine. That’s why I feel like I’m a feminist. Plus, gender is just such a fascinating question: what are the differences, really? How much is just societal constructions? How do we deal with/accommodate the differences without falling into a binary opposition where one has to be better than the other (for most of my youth, I thought girls were better than boys, basically being a female chauvinist, and let me tell you that can suck, too, especially when you’re not one of them).
As for me, I am a BYU student, but graduating next month, soon to go on to teach English in Korea for a year as a break and then on to grad school, hopefully eventually professordom (teaching either German or Comp. Lit., I’m thinking). No wife or kids yet, but I very much hope that part of my life will come, and I like learning more about the joys and woes of family life here in the meantime. I also like how you don’t have to be a stay-at-home-parent to participate in the blog.
Comment by Christian — July 9, 2009 @ 8:39 pm
i found fmh about two and a half years ago. i’ve been reading ever since, but rarely comment. the discussions on here are fascinating to me. i love them. they really make me think, and many times i’ll call up my best friend, who used to be mormon, and we’ll have these great conversations about what we’ve been reading on here. (she reads it too)
i am a military wife, getting ready for our first deployment. i have two kids, and am an active mormon. i’ve lived several places, and am currently in the PNW, about an hour and a half south of seattle. i’m a horrible housewife, but a fairly good SAHM. at least i like to think so. i love reading books, i don’t have a degree from any college, i speak french, i LOVE the sun (and really miss it up here), and am currently working on making my bed every day (see, horrible housewife).
i do not articulate things well, so i hesitate to comment often. i’m so tickled when someone acknowledges my comments on here. i keep hoping that i’ll happen to be where ever the next snacker is. of course i keep missing them.
so glad ray is back. really love your comments.
Comment by Terina — July 9, 2009 @ 9:08 pm
like this?
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 9:17 pm
well now you have to tell us who your friend is. we wanna know.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 9:18 pm
1. How did you find fMh?
Don’t remember. Branching out, trying to find LDS themed blogs, and thar she was.
2. Why do you participate here?
Good, thoughtful posts that I can relate to.
3. Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I think it is great that we as a society are getting to a point where women are treated fairly equally. Men can be stay at home dads married to power women who bring home the bacon, and there is nothing wrong with that.
4. And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
My name is Dan. I live in New York. I stay at home with my beautiful daughter and are considering homeschooling her. I am married to a wonderful woman who runs her self-designed public school. Not much else I wish to say, except that this is a good, welcoming blog.
Comment by Dan — July 9, 2009 @ 9:20 pm
How did you find fMh?
I found fmh through a google search for, of all topics, “LDS Relief Society President” in late 2006 because I had just been called to that position, and a good friend had been telling me how many helpful hints she had found for being a RS secretary online. When a website titled “Feminist Mormon Housewives” popped up, I had to check it out.
Why do you participate here?
The first post I read intrigued me, and I dropped by occasionally for the next year or so, and when I got released from RS and started following a few other blogs from friends and family, I added it to my daily list. Some posts I find more relevant to my life than others, but it is always interesting to hear what is going on, and I like giving my brain some much needed exercise.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not):
I grew up in the Boston area, and it wasn’t until I went to BYU for college that I realized just how unique my upbringing in the LDS church was. There was a lot of diversity in my stake, both in terms of ideology and ethinicity (Mitt Romney, Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, the ladies over at Exponent II, people from all over the world, mostly converts and a few multi-generation Mormon families from UT, etc). In high school, I actually had a non-LDS kid who had recently moved to the area from out of state tell me that I couldn’t be a Democrat and a good Mormon. I asked him where he got that crazy idea. A few years later in Gospel Doctrine class in UT, I began to understand how he had gotten that impression. I was also naive enough to not realize that most kids didn’t have almost an entire semester on female writers (with an emphasis on black female writers and the Harlem Renaissance and its impact) when they took American Lit in High School (or an English teacher who was also a fellow in Women’s Studies at Harvard). Feminist theory was just always there.
I have had a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ and the LDS Church for as long as I can remember. I have never felt that my feminist leanings in any way contradict that testimony. I don’t love my sons any less (or any differently) than my daughters, just because they aren’t the same gender as I am, nor do I believe that Heavenly Father would do so.
I have a really rough time when people try to pass off the LDS culture as LDS Church doctrine. When people start getting out of control during lessons at church, I like to pipe up and try to bring it back around to something with a doctrinal basis.
I love being a SAHM, except when I hate it and it drives me crazy. I was raised by a total germaphobe and have struggled with severe PPD after each of my kids, so I am trying to learn to relax and enjoy my messy, germy children more. If I could spend all my time with my dh, life would be great, but somebody has to go out and make some money so we can support the anklebiters. And my book buying habit.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m a New England girl who went out west for school and never made it back home. I have a (mostly useless) B.S. in exercise physiology with a minor in music, and I taught special ed preschool until I had my first child. I am still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I served a mission in Brazil, married a boy from Boise (who was, and remains, surprisingly unlike most of the men from Idaho that I know) and I teach a few voice lessons here and there while staying home with my 4 kids–2 girls and 2 boys, ages 9, 6, 3, and almost 1.) I love to read, talk, travel, sew, and sleep. And I enjoy spending far too much time online reading comments on fmh while my children are asleep or playing. Oh yeah–and my name is Bekah, but fmh was the first blog I ever commented on (besides my little sister’s), and at the time I felt really wierd about putting my name out there into cyberspace. I’m pretty much over that irrational fear, but wasn’t sure how to drop the psuedonym. But from now on, I think I will.
Comment by eastcoasttransplant — July 9, 2009 @ 9:24 pm
I found FMH several months ago because of a nasty blog surfing during business meetings habit I have when really truly bored. (And when you work in healthcare software, these occasions happen more than you’d like in meetings.)
I participate (read, mostly lurk) because while I am not Mormon, I come from a conservative mainstream Christian family and there is no Feminist Presbyterian Housewives blog to participate in. I am single at 26, which in the circles I run in is a spinster, and while I would desperately love to get married and have children, that has not been in the cards. I appreciate the reassurance that I am not the only person struggling with feminism and its integration with my faith. I think that covers two separate questions quite well.
I have an M.A. in dead languages and I am fiercely independent. I read voraciously, have more opinions than I know what to do with and vote more Libertarian than my friends can handle. I have been told all of these things contribute to my single state, but I hold out hope that I am single because the right man has not come along, not because of character flaws.
Probably more info than anyone wanted, but there you are.
Comment by Charis — July 9, 2009 @ 9:27 pm
Oops, I meant to say I have 2 high functioning autistic sons at home.
Starfoxy: My father taught Physics & Astronomy at local Colleges here for many years. I heard one trick that some of the staff at the Planetarium at BYU would play on the other staffers was to change the latitude to far south of the equator, then set the polar precession back to 5000 BC, causing gross confusion about the constellations at show time.
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 9:31 pm
Hi All…
I found you through Normal Mormons ..
This blog gives me hope and strengthens my faith.Not only in Mormonism but just faith in general. That and since I’m new to attending church I find that I need another outlet that I can ask questions and do some “research” and see if others have felt the way I do.
I was a Feminist before I was born and I will be one in the next world as well. The more I learn about this faith and the more I learn about myself-the more I believe that our HP has made us exactly the way we need to be.
God help them all who trifle with us , lol
Okay..
Jillian , age 32 ,I live in a nice beach town here on the so cal coast .I have one 12 almost 13 year old boy.I was born to a Jack Mormon Mother,a JW Father and my godmother was an Atheist.My mother chose not to raise me in the church..and let me follow my own Agency. I’ve been relating some of your stories to her,and it gives her comfort and lets her know as a Jack Mormon she was not and is not alone in her views and faith.
I’ve been a preschool teacher for about ten years give or take a few months..I write,paint,sew,and recently have learned how to crochet. I make stuff to wear and I’m a halfway decent cook..I wear pants to church and will be sporting a new tattoo in the fall ..I swear and drink soda when I feel like it..though honestly I’ve been trying to quit. I am a single mother,always have been.. which I am not ashamed of nor do I apologize for.
If my Mormon Great Grandma says there is no sin in having a child in my state(technically unmarried) ..I take her word over any other..besides I swear she’s old enough to have diapered half the prophets..she’s still a Missionary too..and graduated BYU at 90 something years old….
I have a twisted sense of humour and I am trying to find a balance between my politics and religion and religious past..I consider myself a bit of an intellectual even though I’m grammatically challenged..and my brain is spinning over new info I’ve been rediscovering..and this place gives me the chance to sort it out.
I’ve been a cultural mormon..unknown to me for most of my life and I have only recently begun to “study” and attend..I find it a very interesting and energizing process and I shockingly am enjoying it. I have never fit into any religious community..Christian..nope,Pagan..nope(too conservative-which makes me a liberal Mormon!!)
Btw,even though I do not agree with everyone here..that’s alright we’re not meant to agree all the time. but it is truly a blessing to be able to express ourselves without fear or retribution. And whether I agree or not with the posts I do consider all here my Sisters and Brothers.
To Kandi and Salt… keep using your voice , do not let anyone silence you..the more you use it the easier it will become.Big hugs sister..if you’re ever in cali ..we need to have lunch.
Comment by Jillian — July 9, 2009 @ 9:43 pm
Mike H — I’m in Cupertino! Not far from you!!
Comment by Vg — July 9, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
“How did you find fMh?” Through mormonblogs.org about a year ago.
“Why do you participate here?” I just swing by when a topic is interesting to me.
“Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)” I don’t care whether people are SAHMs or working women, but I would like all women to be free to choose the life that will make them happy and to own their choices. I don’t care for sexism in or out of the church, and I think a lot of what we see in the church in terms of limiting the role of women is generation gap based stereotyping. I’m active, TR-holding LDS.
“And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.” I consider myself post-feminist. I am a 41-year old married with kids RM BIC business executive at a Fortune 50 company. I also blog and administer at mormonmatters.org. And I like to oil paint and write.
Comment by hawkgrrrl — July 9, 2009 @ 9:52 pm
Been here lurking and an occasional comment for about 2 years. It is the diversity that keeps me coming back for more (yeah cwc). I am a true blue Mormon girl who had deep traditional views on family and marriage despite my being raised in a very inactive home and then had my heart broken by a man who said he loved me eternally. I have remained faithful despite my feeling like an outsider in my ward of many years after my divorce and being single.
I have often referred to fMh as my ‘Friday night date’. So thanks ya’ll for helping me get through the loneliest of nights and encouraging me to think for myself in a critical and analytical way.
Comment by shakti — July 9, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
I found FMH while researching a doctrinal question on line over the July 4th weekend and got sucked into the burqa discussion. I then read some of the other threads and enjoyed the lively posts and comments very much.
I participate because I love to give my and listen to other people’s opinions. Everyone has a point of view and I am particularly pleased with how considerate this blog is of others’ comments while managing to hold their ground.
I don’t consider myself right or left, pretty moderate, even by Mormon standards, I think. I was baptised at age 21 and I am “over 50″ (#15). I was married in the Oakland temple and divorced 8 years later after my husband fell in love with someone else. We have two (now adult) children. I wallowed in feelings of failure and self pity for awhile then moved on and found out what a terrific person I really am!
After 5 years of single momhood, I married a terrific if crazy “lifer”, had my sealing canceled and strive (my favorite word ever)for balance in my life. I lived in SLC and Roy, UT and spent 5 years in AZ, where the members there call folks from the north Utards. Ouch. We moved to Springville last fall and I was really leary about living in Utah county. I knew it was going to be OK when I ended up in traffic behind an Escalade with an Obama for President sticker
I used to think this was the home of Stepford Mormons, but my ward is terrific and really a mixed bag.
I love to read, sew, cross stitch, watch movies and crime shows (Law and Order:CI is my favorite). I work for Intermountain Health Care. My husband is a music/drama teacher and writes choral music commonly sung by ward choirs.
As someone who came of age in the 70s, I’m ambivolent about the word feminsim. I figured I could do anything I wanted to, regardless of my gender, and have never felt held back because of my gender. I’ve just done what I want to. Truth to tell, my favorite times have been as a full time homemaker, with or without kids, because I like being my own boss and making my own schedule while doing the domestic things that make a house a home. But, mostly, I find a full time job interferes with my life.
TMI, sorry. Love the blog. Keep up the good work!
Comment by AngieA — July 9, 2009 @ 9:55 pm
#131, I’ve loved the name Charis since it appeared in one of my favorite books. Even if its a pseudonym, I immediately warm to you because of it. Also, I relate to the Feminist Presbyterian Housewives thing…if there was a Feminist Atheist or Feminist Buddhist site that was half as fun as this one, I would be so out of here. (Just kidding, guys, I’m far too addicted to ever leave for good.)
Comment by Chandelle — July 9, 2009 @ 9:57 pm
Can I add that I am not a necessarily a feminist? My non-Mo friends tease me about being highly conservative. My Mormon friends shake their heads in disgust over my liberal views. I just say, I walk a straight and narrow path on the fence line.
Comment by shakti — July 9, 2009 @ 9:58 pm
That sounds sooo much like me; The liberals think I’m too conservative, and the conservative think I’m too liberal. Just don’t say anything bad about the communists, or Quimby will scold you.
I’m by Blossom Hill & 101. I can hear it now;”We’ve got to stop meeting at the Santana Row Ben & Jerry’s like this, Vg!”
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 10:08 pm
I found fMh about 6 months ago. I was questioning my commitment to the church during the whole Prop 8 stuff and my husband found this blog and showed it to me. The first time I found this blog I probably spent 4 hours reading through old posts and just cried. I was so glad to find a forum that had more of an open look at things. I read this blog because it is really the only place I can share my thoughts with others of my faith. I am still afraid to open up to my family about my true thoughts on life, although I am slowly becoming more comfortable.
I don’t really consider myself a housewife, my husband and I are both in school and I work more than him, so I like to call myself “suga mamma” (although I’m not really mama). I consider myself a feminist because I really value equality, among sexes and races.
I have lived in Washington my entire life. I am a graduate student at Washington State University and graduate in May of 2010. I hope to eventually work as a school counselor or psychologist. I don’t have any children yet, and I am enjoying every minute of it. I really don’t want to settle down after I graduate, and I dream of joining the Peace Corps. I am very passionate about service, education, and ending poverty in developing countries. I don’t really have any hobbies but I enjoy exercising and reading in my spare time.
Comment by shannon — July 9, 2009 @ 10:12 pm
I’ll bite…. (did anyone else feel silly doing this? Like who really wants to read about “me”?)
How did you find fMh?
I think (can’t quite remember) that I was blog hopping from MMW….? Maybe 2ish years ago?
Why do you participate here?
I don’t often comment but usually enjoy reading this blog. A few things that I like about it: the unfiltered, unadulterated thoughts and opinions. Not only is it very interesting reading but I feel like I benefit from certain topics that are discussed so openly that I have never discussed with people IRL. I also really love the peeps like Stephanie who add a very contrasting pov to what I consider to be the more ‘mainstream’ view on this blog. Keeps it interesting.
I am a devil’s advocate by nature. I will argue the more conservative viewpoint on this blog, mostly because there is liberal leaning. But then I will take the arguments made on this blog and use them to argue a more liberal perspective with people in my real life. I definitely lean more conservative than liberal but haven’t really figured out exactly what I believe/value (in terms of politics). It’s fun….
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
yes, yes, and yes.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Married for 2.5 yrs. want babies BADLY (although after reading some recent threads I may be rethinking how badly I want them :))….Hoping I can after a few surgeries went awry. Went to BYU, served a mission, work as a probation officer. Am dying to live in the Middle East for at least a few years of my life. I really enjoy the discussions in the Mormon blogging world and wish that SS could take a few hints…
Comment by Amanda — July 9, 2009 @ 10:22 pm
hawkgrrrl, whenever i get a comment one of my threads from you, i get a little (a smidgen) excited.
ps. I loved I Have Seen the Axe
go read it folks. there’s a link on the sidebar.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 10:23 pm
I’m married to a rockin’, beard-wearing, bread-making, doting, adorable husband. I am going into my 3rd year of law school, and we have no kids (but we have a seriously awesome cat). I’m from Oregon and have always considered myself fairly conservative (which, by Oregon standards…I guess is true). When I moved to Utah I learned that I’m a crazy feminist liberal. I can definitely relate with #139 — It’s all relative.
I found FMH last summer when I had a window of free time and read Mo-blogs like crazy. This may have had something to do with me being incredibly frustrated with the whole church thing. I continue to read FMH because it makes me laugh and think. Your stories and comments have taught me so much. Thank you!
Comment by Motion de Smiths — July 9, 2009 @ 10:24 pm
Hi mfranti,
I found fmh (actually my husband found you) when I was having a crisis of faith because of questions I had about polygamy. These questions sparked many questions and I got to a point were I was ready to leave the church. We searched and searched for answers and funnily enough we found this place. The information here at fmh kept me in the church. So thanks all of you for your involvement here.
I visit fmh often now as I am loving reading such a wide range of opinions about subjects that I am interested in. It has been great for me have my eyes opened a lot by all of the comments. Plus I enjoy the social aspect. (I think I’m a bit addicted at the moment).
I am a SAHM with a 7 year old girl and 5 year old boy. I tried day care for my son when he was about 2 and I couldn’t handle it. I was much happier as a SAHM. (not that it has been easy, it’s just the way I had to do it for my peace of mind).
I have a love hate relationship with being a housewife. It can be soooo monotonous and lonely. But when I get my life balanced and make sure I don’t shut myself away then I find that cleaning etc can feel great, therapeutic even. It feels rewarding to work at creating a peaceful comfortable home for my family.
I have finished my uni studies to be a secondary school teacher of Ancient History, History, Geography and Health Studies. Next year I want to work part-time while my kids are in school. For me, it has to be me or my husband or other family caring for the kids. I can’t handle day care but totally respect my friends choices to use it.
I have always felt strongly about equality for the sexes. It has bothered me when women complain about men and when men complain about women. I see hurt on both sides. My knowledge of feminist issues/history is in it’s infancy but I’m loving the journey.
I’ve left Mormonism for last because I’m still not sure. I was born into the church. I am 30 now and have been active most of that time. My research into polygamy and other issues has left me with many, many questions still to be answered. The church has many good points and helps my family to be close but I am not sure anymore if this is the Lords church. I believe in God. I am troubled/confused by Joseph Smith. But I haven’t given up yet.
x
Comment by la cid — July 9, 2009 @ 10:24 pm
oh yes, and mfranti, this is one of the best threads that I have read on fmh in a long time - good idea!
Comment by Amanda — July 9, 2009 @ 10:24 pm
To set the stage, I have fibromyalgia and I am unable to attend church as often as I would like to. So, one Sunday this March, I was sitting at home thinking to myself, “Surely there must be LDS blogs or forums that I could visit on those Sundays I don’t get out to church.” One of the first entries showing up in my Google search was this site, and the name was so intriguing that I couldn’t help but stop by.
I have been a daily visitor since then, although I lurk more often than not. The vitality, honesty, and compassion I find here enriches my life. So much of what is said here resonates in my heart and I feel less alone in the world.
I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this blog, because it served as my introduction to the bloggernacle, opening up a whole new world to me, one in which I felt like I really fit in.
Hmm, how to put this …. I am a 35 year old, single, male, bearded, colored shirt wearing, liberal, intellectual (at least I pretend to be :)) socialist, with strong feminist leanings.
I am also a faithful Latter Day Saint, believing in Christ and in the Restoration, and that this church is led by a prophet of God today.
Needless to say, I have had much experience with feeling like an outsider, and it has sometimes been difficult to reconcile for myself all of my seemingly contradictory beliefs. Associating with people who have had similar experiences is such a comfort to me - I really do feel less alone than I have in the past.
Thanks all for sharing so generously of yourselves - you have definitely made a difference in my life.
Comment by Matt A. — July 9, 2009 @ 10:25 pm
138 Chandelle- go read her blog- all the books I’ve been reading lately have been her suggestions. Oh And I picked up Octavia Butler today, a vampire one and a trilogy. Thanks Shakti, I always read yours and Terina’s comments!
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 9, 2009 @ 10:26 pm
I was introduced to FMH by one of my best friends, who happens to be EmilyS’s sister. She mentioned how Emily was involved in this blog and it was terrific and and and, I wasn’t interested. My experience with blogs prior was extremely limited and I was repelled by the typical narcissistic entries. I also thought I had enough real life friends which rendered virtual exchanges unnecessary. FMH, specifically Lisa’s life/faith story, changed all that for me. I was intrigued that someone would put out something so intensely personal on the friggin world wide web. I admire her honesty and the candid conversations. I appreciate the wide range of topics and the endless opinions. FMH added a dimension to my life that I didn’t even know was missing.
As for who I am, well. There’s nothing like being asked to describe yourself to cause one to pause. If I knew you, I’d like to think we’d be friends. I am a believing Mormon, a feminist, and a housewife, in certain contexts. I’ve been lucky to be able to explore many of my interests. Sometimes I feel guilty for loving certain friends more than family members. I don’t like the constant cleaning involved in childrearing but I do enjoy watching my little boys’ personalities develop and anticipate the day when there is no more urine on the toilet seat.
My worldview completely changed since my youngest son’s diagnosis with leukemia nine months ago. Living in the hospital for six months while he underwent multiple rounds of chemo, a bone marrow transplant, and then radiation for residual disease made me realize how tenuous all life is and how I don’t want to waste any time on stupid crap that doesn’t matter. It also made me realize who my real friends are.
I love good food, conversation, and books and never seem to be able to get enough of any of them.
Comment by Lupita — July 9, 2009 @ 10:28 pm
And my comments are always too long. Did I already mention that?
Comment by Lupita — July 9, 2009 @ 10:29 pm
How did you find fMh? Through a post on NatalieK’s blog, who I happen to know in real life, but only since meeting her here
(Oh, and Alyssa, if you are moving to Philly, you will meet me here. Not a fair substitute, I know, because Natalie was the BEST!)
Why do you participate here? Because I have issues with a lot of the politics of the LDS church (Prop8, roles of men and women, and American cultural translations of doctrine), and alot of these issues are discussed on this blog.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) I’m going to answer these out of order, as it makes more sense to me that way.
Mormonism - I’m a convert Mormon, joined when I was 20, which was 10 years ago. I have never fit the “Molly Mormon mold,” so to speak, being an east coast convert with a graduate degree in engineering who was raised by her father. I tried to fit the “mold” for several years, and even rushed into having a baby b/c a bishop said I would “fit in better” once I did. I didn’t. Go figure.
Recently I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and going back digging into my Catholic roots. I currently consider myself to be a Catholic Mormon, but this is subject to change.
Feminism - All my best friends have always been men, and I work in a male dominated field… I think men and women are equal in terms of talents, abilities, and life callings. This heavily overflows into my family life. Although I love (most of) the doctrine of this church, alot of its idiosyncracies and non-feminist aspects really kill me. And I wish there was more I could do as a Mormon and a woman, but I inevitably feel “stuck”.
Housewifery - This is the one area of the three that I do not fit (ie, I consider myself to be a feminist and a Mormon but not a housewife). My hubby and I fairly evenly split the roles in our household, from baby nurturing to window washing to gardening and knitting. We both work outside the home, both care for our son about evenly, and both contribute to shopping, cleaning, what have you. My husband is the primary cook, loves to knit, and has a low threshold for dirt. I’ve never felt that either of us has particular “stewardship” over the household. Oh, well, can’t win ‘em all I guess!
Tell us a little bit about who you are. Lifetime Philadelphia, oldest of 3 daughters, wife to the most amazing, feminist man who ever lived, mother to one toddler boy (who at the moment is likely to be an only child), and clinically diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder. I garden, knit, do Tae Kwon Do, edit scientific manuscripts as my occupation and hobby, and laugh hysterically at math-related and nerdy jokes.
My soapbox is the whole SAHM vs. working mom debate. I’ll try to keep off it, but I probably won’t.
Comment by Kate — July 9, 2009 @ 10:30 pm
Sorry, I meant “I’m not going to answer these in order”. See, there is the OCD editor coming through.
Comment by Kate — July 9, 2009 @ 10:32 pm
not any of the ‘nacle blogs, right?
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 10:36 pm
I’m near the “major city” of amarillo.
still confused…how goes your hebrew studies? Have you ever checked out Margaret Barker on youtube? She’s an amazing minister who taught herself Hebrew (she’s says self taught Hebrew is a garden full of weeds). She has written books about temple studies.
“besides I swear she’s old enough to have diapered half the prophets” jillian…funny stuff. I guess your grandma is older than mine. Mine only diapered a third of them.
Comment by britt — July 9, 2009 @ 10:43 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_P5M7hOXRVE&feature=PlayList&p=5489A46917BC2825&index=0&playnext=1
my attempt at linking a margaret barker youtube video …
Comment by britt — July 9, 2009 @ 10:45 pm
:cough cough: I can think of a couple :cough cough:
Oh boy do I feel that. Although I’ve pretty much banished the guilt. Now it’s just a fact. If you ever found yourself with a chance to run away, I’d totally put you up for a retreat weekend and stuff you full of good food. Sincerely. I’m world famous, have you heard?
Comment by reese — July 9, 2009 @ 10:50 pm
I’m male, 56, married to a woman and have two single adult daughters. That explains a lot. I always felt that being a father of daughters necessitated me becoming a feminist. I want them fairly treated, independent, and free to be whatever they wish, in both the society at large and in church.
I am an active member in an inner city ward in Denver. I’ve served as a ward bishop, to the surprise of everyone I know, and now teach early morning seminary. I am also one of three transient welfare bishops in the region, which is maybe the most interesting thing you can do in the church.
Our ward defies nearly all the Mormon stereotypes most of the time which is why I’ve lived here my whole adult life. I hew close to the temple recommend questions, but after that, all bets are off. My eldest daughter calls me the first Zen Mormon. I believe that we habitually define what is mainstream in the church far too narrowly. I also believe that there are as many people active in spite of church programs as because of them.
I discovered fMh a couple of years ago but I don’t remember how. I read and occasionally comment because those who post and comment here are an unusually articulate and intelligent group who provoke me to further healthy thought even when I disagree with them. I wish you were all in my Sunday School class.
Comment by Jim Donaldson — July 9, 2009 @ 10:52 pm
- hey can I add something?
I seriously wish I knew some of you IRL, but then I think I would have a very real fear you would find me dull and unintelligent, serious intimidation going on there people. Not your faults of course!
Comment by April — July 9, 2009 @ 10:56 pm
I’m 51, an engineer, and have always been a feminist since I can remember, mostly because I was told over and over again while growing up that girls don’t do that, girls can’t do that. I went on and did all those things girls supposedly couldn’t do like making and shooting sling-shots, building stuff in my family’s metal-working shop, fixing my own car, building then crashing various death carts (yes, we called them that), damming the creek, and all the fun interesting things that captured my imagination far more than playing with dolls indoors, or playing house (which was usually much duller than playing fort, for some reason, maybe because it didn’t involve war) which were almost the only things girls were “supposed” to do. I grew up to be an engineer, mainly because it’s something like playing with blocks, just using bigger blocks. I still love to play with the so-called boys’ toys (what my nieces call the boys’ toys). I completely consider those things girly, though. I’m very girly. I just redefine girly to be whatever I am, since I’m a girl. I can do that, right?
I found fMh from T&S, which a friend from hatrack river forum pointed me to. (You know him as William Morris but I call him Zalmoxis.) I love the atmosphere here of total honesty about everything. I admire the permas and enjoy the discussions immensely. I read far more threads than I comment on.
I’m a faithful convert of 8 years now. I love the restored gospel and have a strong testimony of its truthfulness. I have been blessed with a very powerful faith, after spending most of my adult life as an atheist. I think the church is Heavenly Father’s church on earth, though I believe he speaks to whoever will hear him. I’m quite grateful for the church and glad to be a member. I attend meetings less often than I would like, because of my poor health.
I adopted a teenage son from a troubled family that I met online when he was 14. He’s my joy and light. I love being a mom, even though it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I’m far less good at it than I always expected I would be. I now see that aunthood is all about having your best days on days when they’re acting specially good. Motherhood happens when you’re exhausted and nearly crying with frustration and you’ve given far more than you ever thought you had to give, and it’s still not nearly enough. Motherhood is when they press you to your limits and push all your buttons and then you still want to show them nothing but love, strength, gentleness, patience, firm guidance, and again overwhelming love. Because they deserve it, because nothing less would be acceptable. It’s hurting more deeply vicariously than you do in the first person. It’s trying to be like Heavenly Father, to be a model of all your ideals for someone, when you’re so tired you just want to collapse and cry yourself to sleep. And failing sometimes, and trying harder. I feel amazingly overwhelmingly blessed to have my son.
About huswifery, I’m not a very good one. I struggle to keep up with laundry and dishes, and don’t even attempt to make up beds. I’d love to live in a sparkling clean house. I used to have that once when I had a really good person who cleaned for me. I’d like to have it again someday but I’m not sure if it will ever happen. Ideally I could learn how to do it myself. I do keep my kitchen pretty clean. Maybe I can spread out from there. I love my roomba.
As for my personal interests, I love science fiction, astronomy, books in general, animals, and trying to figure out how to get the human species through this pinch that’s coming up in the next hundred years or so. Once we make it past that, we’ll be good for a while, I think, and everything will be much better. But in the meantime it’s a vast field which I call Averting Human Extinction, and it involves third world development, education, public health, technology, particularly energy technology, epidemiology, disaster relief and preparedness, etc. I feel a keen interest in discovering how civilization reasserts itself after times of anomie, such as the genocide in Rwanda, or other wars, riots, famines, etc. What is the key there to reestablishing things like rule of law, property rights, justice, peace, etc. What makes for a good strong healthy government, and why do failed states fail? Is it just a matter of widespread corruption? I feel deeply that it CAN happen here and we all need to know how to build and maintain civilization so that it can be strengthened and made universal.
So that’s me. If there were a phd in the subject of averting human extinction, that’s what I would do. I think we need a lot more effort and study in that field, so that we may accomplish its goal. It’s Engineering, it’s Relief Society, and it’s part of the Humanities.
Comment by Tatiana — July 9, 2009 @ 11:00 pm
april:
i’m totally intimidated by y’all. no lie.
tatiana, i’m gonna spend the rest of my life/career working on the averting human extinction problem. i’m happy to know that i will have some good company.
Comment by mfranti — July 9, 2009 @ 11:00 pm
mfranti :
Good to know I’m not alone!
This site is great for that!
Comment by April — July 9, 2009 @ 11:06 pm
Tatiana: There’s a really great book “Inviting Disaster”, by James Chiles, where he goes into some of the great technology disasters that have happened. Interesting stuff, especially if you’re into Engineering or Sciences. I’m an energy pipeline safety activist, and I’ve seen too much of cutting corners & too little of connecting the dots over the years.
Aw, come on, my 400 meter time would be a joke next to yours, mfranti.
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2009 @ 11:19 pm
Someone else raising hand as intimidated, butk, after 160 comments, I feel free to jabber. I don’t remember how I found FMH, but fell in love. I still get that pitter-patter when I type the url in. Thrills!
Why do I participate, and my thoughts on Mormonism? I don’t participate much; but I do read and have come to treasure the commenters. Cyberspace is such an odd location–people I have never met, never spoken with for the most part, but still feel like some sort of more than pretend friends. Thank you. According to my sweetie “You’re so Mormon.” I grew up uber mormon, and in spite of the fact that I don’t believe and don’t currently practice, I would like to, but I see no place for me. Actually, since Prop. 8, I don’t want to anymore.
I was always jealous of my Jewish friends when I was growing up, because they didn’t have to believe to be Jews. I didn’t see, and still don’t see any such space in Mormonism. I still mourn. I should get over it. So, you all are my virtual church, my sacrament, my atonement.
A little about me. I only bark and bite online. I’ve been trying to curb that habit, but have little to say in a whisper. I never scream in actual space, and love to do it here in virtual world, but am trying to curb the habit. Down djinn, down.
Comment by djinn — July 9, 2009 @ 11:19 pm
Mike H. (132) Those are the cruelest sorts of jokes to play, if for no other reason than the tour groups have to watch their guide flounder about and reset things rather than actually hearing about what they’re there for.
Comment by Starfoxy — July 9, 2009 @ 11:29 pm
I found FMH a few months ago, I think linked from some article or other, but what a discovery!
I’m from the States, live in Paris with my French husband of one year, working until he finishes school next year. I’ve been a member my whole life, but was starting to despair that no one in my ward discussed anything of interest (I feel like we are a third world country in the Church over here!) I wrote my thesis on French feminism in college, what a trip, and I’m glad to find a place to exercise some ideas that aren’t quite so… well, radically French.
Huswifery would be more fun if I wasn’t so tired all the time! Ha Thanks for making it more enjoyable
Comment by Amanda — July 10, 2009 @ 12:22 am
I agree April, I feel intimidated too but I’m going to take a leap that they’ll like me warts and all. No more anonymity for me. Oh and I forgot to say before that I’m an Aussie. I’m not supersavvy with the internet, how do I make my name link to my facebook?
Comment by maureen (previously la cid, el cid)) — July 10, 2009 @ 12:44 am
I’ve been reading FMH for well over a year now, and this is my first comment. I feel the need to end my lurking streak. I actually stumbled across FMH while researching LDS for an anthropology paper and have stuck around since then. As an anthropologist, I was so ready to really understand Mormonism instead of letting HBO or other pop culture outlets try. I absolutely adore this blog, and don’t comment not because I don’t feel I have anything to add, but rather because reading is so much more informative. Thanks for keeping it up!
Comment by hebmily — July 10, 2009 @ 1:10 am
Sorry, after all of that being said about being an anthropologist, I’m not analyzing every single thing that’s written or taking everything literally. I read FMH mostly for my own entertainment and education! I totally appreciate how much misinformation there is about LDS as it is - kudos to you guys for trying to set and keep the record straight.
Comment by hebmily — July 10, 2009 @ 1:15 am
Amanda and Julie - we totally need a Euro-Snacker event. No joke.
Choose to make it a great day sisters and brothers.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 10, 2009 @ 1:23 am
hebmily: Yes, there IS a lot of misinformation about the LDS out there, did you see the comments I had on another thread about the dime store novels? Bridget Jack Meyers, known as Jack, who is not LDS, also discards bizarre things being said, or don’t hold up under study.
I’ve also enjoyed threads like “Bra ha ha ha”, “For Beautiful Underarms”, and others, even though I’m not a woman.
Comment by Mike H. — July 10, 2009 @ 1:34 am
Alyssa, #109 said:
My timing was also terrible because Philly will always be the coolest city ever, and it is sooo depressing to leave it at all. Sigh. Hit me up if you want some restaurant recommendations.
Oh, and there is one other sometimes FMH-er in Philly, in the 4th ward I believe. Which ward are you in? Philly 1st is the best one on the planet, guaranteed.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 10, 2009 @ 1:38 am
#116,
*Gasp!*
What?! I’ve been found out! Crap.
Especially because I thought my comments didn’t exactly, er, go over well.
Who were you? I only met like, three people by name, so you’ll have to give a description.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 10, 2009 @ 1:42 am
Aw, and Kate, you’re too nice. I’m so bummed we never got our Philly snacker off the ground.
Seattle snacker, anyone?
Comment by Natalie K. — July 10, 2009 @ 1:43 am
I was a atheistic fetus floating in my amniotic universe. Then I was pushed out into a very devout Mormon family.
Not only was there a mix up in the spirit world about what family I was to go to, I wound up on the wrong planet.
I had couple year stay at BYU, which I mistook for another institution in Provo. I escaped and spent the last thirty years working as a menial laborer in various canneries and mills.
Not sure how I came across fmh, but I lurk here and there.
The prop 8 tsunami compelled me to try to learn how to swim, but alas, I drowned. I’m here, I suppose to see if I can develop gills.I hope the dissolved oxygen remains high.
Comment by Suzanne Neilsen — July 10, 2009 @ 1:50 am
You know, these snackers sound fun. It’d be great if AZ could have one, but… ican’tdriveandlivethreehoursawayfromphoenix… Though if there was an AZ snacker, I could probably commission a friend into driving. They like you guys!
Comment by Elina — July 10, 2009 @ 1:59 am
Mary - I am so down for a euro snacker!! I would even host here in Berlin…though I am always looking for an excuse to take a trip somewhere. Paris anyone?
Comment by julie — July 10, 2009 @ 4:48 am
Yes! Come to Paris! I don’t know what a snacker is, but if it involves snacks, Paris offers some good ones !
Comment by Amanda — July 10, 2009 @ 5:46 am
Natalie K- we are in NW Philly. We go to church on N. Broad street, mostly the Logan Ward but we switch it up according to convenience since we are only here for the summer and therefore don’t have to worry about callings. We are sinners and do a lot of sight-seeing on Sundays. I would love restaurant recs, although since we don’t know anyone out here our date nights are pretty much non-existent. But when we are out with the babe we love to try local stuff. Haven’t had much success with that so far…
Comment by Alyssa — July 10, 2009 @ 7:35 am
I found FMH 2004ish, and I don’t remember how. I have been through many phases concerning my faith. Often I read, sometimes I don’t, but I genuinely love the gals I have met through the blog, I remember when M started commenting. And now look at her: all grown up.
I am currently inactive and plan to stay that way, but life often has a way surprising you. I am a SAHM of 2 and expecting another in the fall. I was looking forward to going back to school in the fall, but aforementioned baby got in the way (poop). I am a feminist and a stunningly liberal Dem. I am also a loudmouth. I look forward to reading for another 5 years!
Comment by just call me cassandra — July 10, 2009 @ 8:00 am
AngieA #137, Puh LEESE tell me which stake/ward you live in… we’ll be house hunting soon and Obama escalades and mixed bags sound completely delicious. My ward is fairly standard. Love the people in it, disagree with most of them politically, and about otherthings (name a topic. Vegetarianism, homeschooling, int’l adoption…)
Comment by sare — July 10, 2009 @ 9:00 am
I’ve been lurking on FMH for several months. I think I first came upon it when I was searching the web and came upon the post having to do with what people would like in a new LDS Hymnal.
As a United Methodist clergy woman I was fascinated at the similarities and differences between Mormon and United Methodist approaches to the hymnals. A number of the hymns that were suggested for addition are standards in the UM Hymnal. And while grace is a really important theological concept in United Methodist theology and so there was really no question about “Amazing Grace” being included in the UM Hymnal, we had a major battle as our last hymnal was being developed as to whether “Onward Christian Soldiers” was appropriate. (Sorry for the digression).
Anyway, listening as folks from a different faith tradition critically reflect (I am using critically as in analyzing not as in negative bashing) upon their faith has been enlightening. It has helped me recognize those elements that I treasure from my own faith tradition and consider those areas that I think need to change.
Thanks to all of you for your honesty and willingness to grapple with tough subjects.
Comment by UMC — July 10, 2009 @ 9:26 am
re: 158 Tatiana said: “I love my roomba.”
That’s one of those robotic vacuum cleaners isn’t it?
I always thought those looked so great. Does it work well?
I read that there’s a lawn mowing bot available now too. I just love
the idea of those little guys whirring along doing their work, and when
they get all hot and thirsty, they just trot back home and plug themselves in for more electricity.
I just recently watched “WALL-E”. It’s now my fav cartoon of all time. It pushed Bullwinkle and Rocky the flying squirrel right off the list. Heck, if the roomba works, and the lawn bot works, maybe soon they’ll have a bot that can trot up and down the rows of the veggie garden distinguishing pig weed from spud and just sending out it’s little arm to pull the bad guys and tuck more soil around the good guys. Wouldn’t that be SO COOL.
Comment by Betty Jo — July 10, 2009 @ 10:20 am
bettyjo?
where’s your intro post? eh?
Jcmc, i’m not all grown up. i just fake it when i’m on not online.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 10:51 am
Off topic: to #47 Alliegator, You are going to LOVE, LOVE, LOVE your masonry heater! We have a Tempcast, imported from Canada, that we finished ourselves in green rock (copper ore base). The bake oven makes to-die-for pizza. It has saved us so much in energy costs, and is a work of art.
I don’t know how long it’s been since I found this site (and I don’t remember how I found it) but it’s been a few years.
I like this site because I am exposed to different ways of thinking and addressing topics. I don’t always agree with some of the ideas presented. In some areas of my life I am very conservative, in others, not so much.
I believe feminism to be the right of women to choose for themselves the way they want to lead their lives, not be thrust into preconceived roles that are not fitting to their temperament, skills, needs, or desires. I also believe that a woman should not be superficially judged for how she lives her life. Just because I want to be at home full time, doesn’t mean I’m a vapid, blonde, Stepford wife. (I am a blonde though.)
I like this site because people are able to present differing views on various topics, mostly without being nasty and demeaning to each other. Here, people tell it like it is. There are aspects of being a mother, wife, woman, human that completely suck. In some areas of the county/world the culture of Mormonism discourages discussion of inequality, oppression, healthy sacrifice versus self-neglect, and so on. I have learned a lot and have spent a lot of time pondering my own opinions, why I have them, whether they are supportable, and adjusting them as I grow.
I was raised in the church, but not in an area with many members. I love the gospel of Jesus Christ, and it brings hope and joy to my life. I find happiness and acceptance in my ward. We are truly a family that helps one another (we even help each other build our houses). I believe in sharing the opportunities of the gospel with others, but hold firm to the article of faith about letting others worship how they want. I don’t think you’re going to hell if you’re not a Mormon.
My husband converted shortly before we became engaged, and we married in the Hawaii temple over 16 years ago. We are a true team. I have a stepson and two adopted children, one with severe mental illness challenges. My husband would have liked to adopt more, but has always deferred to me in making the final decision. He understands that there is only so much I can handle, and I find that to be true sign of his respect and love.
I work part time in a law office and have been seriously considering law school (DH would love for me to be a lawyer) after my children are grown. I have put those kind of decisions about the future on the back burner while dealing with my one child’s acute needs. I really don’t know what the future holds.
As much as I enjoy the intellectual stimulation of work, I would love to be home full time. I mostly hate cleaning, but I like cooking, reading (my tastes are eclectic - anything from novels to scientific journals), hiking, gardening, spending time with my son, playing the piano, making things with wood, and helping others. I love fiber arts and especially making clothing. I am currently designing my next set of projects inspired by the local wildflowers.
Comment by JJ — July 10, 2009 @ 10:53 am
UMC ~ Totally unrelated question, but while you’re here, is there any chance you can give me an estimate on what % of Methodist clergy are female?
On to the questions…
How did you find fMh? — Random Web searches pertaining to women and priesthood stuff.
Why do you participate here? — I enjoy the way fMh participants are able to offer faithful but critical analysis of situations in their own faith. I had a lot of objections to the status of women in the church back when I began investigating the church 10 years ago which were silenced by faithful members forcing the usual terribad apologetics down my throat including—I kid you not—”You’re a non-member. Why would you care about women and the priesthood?” Hmm, why would a female investigator of the church care about women and the priesthood, let’s think about this…
Anyways, I shelved all of those feelings for many years after I gave up on the church, and it was rather cathartic to find a site where faithful members were expressing those exact same views.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery.
Modern-day feminism is hit-and-miss for me. I really hate how it’s become synonymous with being pro-choice. I can’t tell you how many feminists in the last year have told me that you can’t be feminist if you’re pro-life (hmm, wonder what Elizabeth Cady Stanton would say to that). It’s pretty appalling to me that liberal feminists and conservative feminists (who are told that they aren’t really feminists) are apparently unable to work together on issues they should agree on, such as getting pregnant college women the emotional and financial support they need so that they don’t feel like they should have to choose between their baby and their education.
Mormonism? There’s a lot about Mormonism which I find intriguing and beautiful; I liked Mormonism well enough to marry a Mormon. But it is a heresy in my worldview. I’m a little different than most evangelical Christians in that I don’t think that it’s all that far from what can be considered “okay” and I hope that, someday, it reforms to the point where it can be considered an orthodox church.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am 27 with a BA in classics from Brigham Young University and starting my MA in American Christian History at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School this fall. I am technically a member of the Assemblies of God right now, and theologically I do affiliate closest with AoG and Nazarene traditions.
If you haven’t voted at the 2008 Niblets yet, I have nominations there for Best New Blog and Nicest Evil Villain. I don’t know if my blog is the best new one, but I certainly am nice. And evil.
Comment by Bridget Jack Meyers — July 10, 2009 @ 11:04 am
Don’t remember when I found the site. It has been several years and although I rarely comment, I enjoy reading.
I am a middle aged, once widowed, remarried father of 8 (plus 4 step children from current spouse) and grandfather of 5 (2 on the way) who lives in the midwest. Served in several Bishoprics, YM, HC, etc, and find the dialouge refreshing.
My wife is a strong woman who questions most of my decisions and opens my eyes to a different point of view. She would not refer to herself as a feminist but she certainly has those tendencies.
Comment by Handyman — July 10, 2009 @ 11:07 am
re: 183 mfranti said: “bettyjo? where’s your intro post? eh?”
I’m working on it already! The minute I figure out who I am, y’all will be the first to know.
I once considered myself to be a first class cook. I scoffed at those friends who warned that a move to the country would inevitably accelerate the degredation of my sensibilities. We had jello for dessert twice last week. Should I be worried?
Comment by Betty Jo — July 10, 2009 @ 11:09 am
How did you find fMh?
I’m not really sure. Probably stumbling through blogs in early 2007.
Why do you participate here?
While I don’t always agree and sometimes get frustrated with the some of the discussions that happen here, I’m still drawn back. I don’t comment much because of that whole intimidation thing. I’d like to comment more because I do get a nice sense of community; I just need to get a thicker skin for when people don’t like what I have to say. I enjoy reading all the different ideas about LDS topics that I’ve had my own concerns. I’ve never felt like I was the ONLY one to feel a certain way, but I think this forum generates topics and discussions that not everyone is willing to have in person.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism
I never really thought of myself as “a feminist”. My parents (while VERY conservative LDS) always taught me that I could do anything or be anything I wanted and I didn’t think anything different. Working in male dominated industry has been a bit of an eye-opener, but for the most part, I’ve never really felt lesser. (if that makes sense) Reading FMH has made me more aware of a lot of issues that I’d like to be more active in or research further. It has also led me to a lot of interesting feminists sites. I grew up LDS, but once I went through the temple, things changed for me. I definitely not full-fledged anymore, but I do miss certain parts and will probably raise my son based on LDS principles. My husband is not interested in religion AT ALL, so it is difficult and confusing at times.
About you?
I’m 30 and have a three year old son. I’ve been married for four years. I live in Utah and get really tired of the same generalizations people make about “Utah Mormons” or “Utah Women” or “Utah Moms”. Because people really are exactly the same, right? I get tired of the BYU stereotypes as well. I had the time of my life and did pretty much whatever I felt like doing (not proud of EVERYTHING). I love college football and enjoy watching the University of Utah lose as much as BYU win (yeah I know that’s not the trend as of late). I work as a writer for a software company. I don’t know if I could be a full time SAHM, but right now it isn’t a possibility anyway. I love to garden and cook. I have two dogs (Aussie and a Pitbull). I’m also a lazy perfection who is obsessed with cleaning the house, but gets stuck watching reality TV a lot.
Thanks for giving me something to look forward to every morning.
Comment by Julia — July 10, 2009 @ 11:12 am
I found fmh in fall of 2007, I think from a friend’s blog post, but I really am drawing a blank. I lurked for a few months before commenting. I am a feminist mormon and currently a “housewife”. I have found a lot of inspiring conversation, laughter and support. It has been wonderful to know others have the same struggles and problems staying in the church and to read discussions of how they manage. This forum has helped me survive summers with kids home and moving far from family and friends.
I will be 36 in two weeks. I have a MS and a BS, but still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up. My husband and I have 2 kids, a girl 7 and a boy 6. I quit work when my son was born and 6 months later my husband started a PhD program. He graduates in 1 month, after a 12 month internship which took us to Florida. We move in 2 weeks for a post doc program for him for another 12 months. I will probably go back to work in a year or two and am starting to feel love for my sahp time.
I love film ( spent a number of years volunteering for a screen writing competition and film festival, which I miss since the move), books, running, yoga, cooking good food(which my kids will likely complain about), games, and adventure (moving has filled this love almost too much). My husband and I have been married almost 14 years and can’t believe where we are with our kids, location and education. We seem to have done a lot backwards, but love each other more for the wackiness of our choices.
Comment by miles — July 10, 2009 @ 11:25 am
natalie K- would LOVE a seattle snacker. i live in a VERY small town near olympia and take any good reason to get out of it. but not until after my husband deploys.
mfranti- i’ll let my best friend intro herself on here if she wants. she doesn’t comment often either, but likes it here just as much as i do.
Comment by Terina — July 10, 2009 @ 11:32 am
Okay…. anyone know how to go about actually planning a snacker? Are there any perma’s in the Seattle area? Anyway, don’t want to threadjack. But I know absolutely nil about the area, so don’t know how much planning I could do. I would DEFINITELY show up to anything that was put on though.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 10, 2009 @ 11:48 am
My real name is not Sam Sneed, but it is a common alias I use. However, it is pretty easy to figure out who I am if you know me well enough because my story is quite unique.
I live in topeka, KS and I am studying to take the KS bar.
I was born and raised in Bakersfield, CA. My pops worked out in the oil fields my wholelife and my mother started teaching elementary school when I was int he fourth grade.
I am the youngest of three.
I was raised a staunch conservative both beause of my mom’s pioneer stock and my dad’s redneck stock.
I began challenging my conservative ideas during my undergradtuate studies at BYU-Idaho. I received my bs in History and my minor in Poli Sci.
I graduated from BYU-Idaho in Dec 2005.
I graduated from Whittler Law School just in May which is located in Costa Mesa, CA.
We decided that we wanted to raise our family in KS and so I became a visiting student at Washburn for my last semester of law school and as mentioned earlier, still live in topeka.
I found the site as I was just googling funny phrases like liberal mormons. Or Mormons for Obama, or black Mormons. Just some phrases that most people think are not compatible.
I put in Feminist Mormons and this site came up.
I have enjoyed my experience challenging my ideas on this site.
I am not a lib or a con but a very seriously dedicated Mod.
But I appreciate the voice this site gives and appreciate the interactions that I have with my feminist sisters here and I look forward to some more wonderful disagreements on this site.
Peace,
Sam Sneed
Comment by Sam Sneed — July 10, 2009 @ 12:06 pm
I discovered fMh a couple months ago when I was looking for ideas for a Mother’s Day talk, and since then I’ve been hooked
I may not be a housewife yet, but this site has taught me a lot, and changed my views on some things.
Comment by Anna — July 10, 2009 @ 12:11 pm
#58 - twinmomnc -
Aw, shucks… :blush:
Comment by Lorian — July 10, 2009 @ 12:21 pm
NatalieK - Janet is in the process of moving to the Seattle area, so there will soon be a permapresence.
I found fMh through Janet, who has been a family friend for a long time, babysat me once upon a time, and then we ended up the the same PhD program. She sent me a link to her story about defending herself from mugging with a bag of tampons (see here), and I started reading to stalk her.
And then I kept reading because there’s a lot of interesting discussion of being feminist and faithful that is relevant to a liberal Catholic (did you know that technically I’m not in a state of grace because I’ve never repented for voting for John Kerry?). And besides, it’s fun and funny. I don’t comment much, but I think about it a lot.
Comment by Beth — July 10, 2009 @ 12:31 pm
I googled upon FMH in fall ‘08, searching for I-know-not-what, but thinking “I’m going to die without ever having been invited to bunco. Why don’t I want jello or a baby or 6 more terms for GW Bush?? Did God make me this way or did I choose to be evil at some point? Why don’t I remember selling my soul to Satan? Would that transaction be listed under checking or savings?”
As a SE Idahoan, I’m new to this feminism thing. All I knew was that I’d always found bras to increase my comfort with their cradling support and as a result had no desire to burn them. Now I think what the crap- I have choices about how to run my life? I wish FMH had been around when I was a Beehive (instead of the leaders who organized the mutual activities where we got our eyebrows waxed, wrote hot missionaries, and learned to look thinner in photographs).
I’m currently working a really mediocre job while DH works on the PHD and wondering how to re-chart my life. I have a BS that won’t get me into grad school because I didn’t know nice girls could go. Just women-of-the-world types, dontcha know.
Y’all are a lifeline. Bless you and keep up the inspirational work!
Comment by Moniker Challenged — July 10, 2009 @ 1:26 pm
YAY another SE Idaho person!
Comment by April — July 10, 2009 @ 1:37 pm
Hey!
Ha ha. That made me snort coffee out my nose (or apples with PB out my mouth).
Comment by Stephanie — July 10, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
Hey again! (I really need to read all the comments to the end before I start commenting again)
Comment by Stephanie — July 10, 2009 @ 1:53 pm
Unfortunately I was recently transplanted to Utah Valley. Otherwise we could start our own probably-not-bunco club! Anybody in Utah Valley area up for a p-n-b night?
Comment by Moniker Challenged — July 10, 2009 @ 1:56 pm
Gah, still alone in the bubble
awe well, means I get to confuse more people IRL eh? 
Comment by April — July 10, 2009 @ 2:03 pm
april, buy a fMh book bag and use it proudly at church.
you might catch yerself a buddy.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 2:06 pm
How did you find fMh?
I’m pretty sure I first heard of FMH because I read Mormonism For Dummies and it was mentioned in the culture section. I was intrigued by the name, but didn’t really know what a blog was.
Why do you participate here?
I like to say that FMH has the best “clients.” I enjoyed guest posting here because there are a lot of comments, good variety, interesting discussion.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I guess you could call me an “average” feminist. Not over-the-top, but no Julie Beck. For my thoughts on Mormonism, you’d have to read my blog.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Most around the Bloggernacle know me as “FD.” I’m 31, half-Mexican Canadian living in Norway, always been active but now pretty heterodox Mormon coming to grips with what I’ve learned about Church history past and present, happily married to a non-member and have furry, four-legged children. I like animals, running, blogging, reading, vegetarianism, religion, politics, and Coldplay (among many other kinds of music).
Comment by TheFaithfulDissident — July 10, 2009 @ 2:08 pm
..and FD often guest blogs here when i beat her into it.
she’s awesome. go read her blog.
MikeH, i replied to you on ‘that other blog’.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
Bridget Jack Myers –
There were 10,378 clergywomen out of the 44,842 clergy in the United Methodist Church, as of December 2007. As of December 2006, about 27% of the 32,742 active clergy were women.
Currently of the 50 active (as opposed to retired) bishops in the United States, 14 are women. The first United Methodist woman bishop from Africa was recently elected and serves as the bishop in Mozambique. We also have a woman bishop in Germany. In the UMC a bishop presides over an episcopal area and has the authority to appoint pastors to local congregations. In 2006 the UMC celebrated 50 years of full clergy rights for women.
Comment by UMC — July 10, 2009 @ 2:10 pm
I’m late to the party, as usual.
Um…lessee….I found FMH through a link from T&S, I think, waaaay back in Spring 2005? I was fascinated by the discussion of whether bras must/could/should be worn over or under our G’s. I was hooked, of course, and started obsessively reading and commenting. Artemis and I hit it off, and I met both her and Lisa later that summer during a trip back to SLC. Lisa, in her ever-loving insanity, invited me to be a perma then and there, and has probably lived to regret that choice, as I have been consistently inconsistent with my writings ever since.
I’ve been essentially AWOL from posting for many months now, for a variety of reasons. So most of you probably don’t even know who the hell I am!
I am not a housewife, nor a mother, and I’m not even a very good Mormon these days, but I love this site, and I’m proud to be (however peripherally, lately) a part of it.
I am in NYC, and every now and then contemplate throwing a NY-area (or, hell, East Coastish Area) snacker, but I’m fairly shy and I suck with followthrough. Anyone want to help me get it together?
Comment by EmilyS — July 10, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
How did you find fMh?
Back in the spring of 2005 I was trying to come out of my post-partum blues by doing the only thing I know how to do when faced with a problem: read books. I read a lot of books on motherhood and the cultural lack of support. I felt my latent feminism well up and come pouring out. I started looking online for feminist & Mormon resources and came across fMh in my googling. I read tons of the older posts and was relieved to have found a place, even in cyberspace, where I felt like it was okay to have the thoughts and feelings I did.
Why do you participate here?
Well, I don’t really anymore. I try to pop over on occasion because I like so many of the ladies here, but I just don’t have time to follow the dialogue, plus there are so many people who post, I no longer feel like I can keep it straight. It was easier for me before it got so popular.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I feel really fortunate to have a very feminist group of friends now, so I don’t feel as isolated as I did years back. I’ve come to realize that some things are important, and other things are less so. I try to spend my time and energies on the important things.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I have 3 kids (ages 7, 4.5 and 5 months) and have been married to a fabulous fellow feminist man for 8 years. I have a bunch of pets and if I had more money and time would probably have more. We homeschool, do homebirths, and do other “crunchy/weird” things. I’m a photographer. I like movies and funny TV shows (plus House, M.D.). I’m looking forward to the day when DH has secured a stable income and I can feel that weight lifted a bit. I live in Utah Valley, and I’m okay with it now. I have a really great neighborhood and ward and am amazed at what a difference it makes. My other ward (about a mile away) had a completely different dynamic and it was not a good fit.
Comment by mindy — July 10, 2009 @ 2:13 pm
mfranti:
I may have to consider to doing that!
Comment by April — July 10, 2009 @ 2:19 pm
hawkgrrrrl, What is a post-feminist?
Thank you, Amanda.
Yes! I can hardly stand to read my friends’ blogs.
mindy, this is something I have been thinking about a lot lately. Can you recommend any good books?
Comment by Stephanie — July 10, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
Like hebmily, I admit I’m an academic who lurks here quite frequently. I’m 25, married with one child. I’m a PhD student in Communication in Philly and I’m studying religious conversion and retention, using mostly ethnographic techniques (meaning I just went through 14 weeks of missionary lessons). I found the site doing a Google search for “Mormon modesty standards.” This was the first place I found a largish group of faithful dissenters. I submitted a guest post about conceptions of the body (to which many of you graciously responded) and used many of your ideas in a paper I was working on about LDS standards and members’ interpretation of them.
My interest in Mormonism stems from having married a former Mormon (who I guess is classified as “inactive” because he never officially resigned, but became a Protestant over ten years ago). My Mormon inlaws ensure that my 2-year old daughter receives Friend and I get Ensign, which works out for me since I’m studying religious media.
Academic interests led me here, but I keep coming back for more personal ones. I spent my adolescence as a member of a highly sexist Protestant denomination– women are expected to be silent and/or only teach children, wear long hair, no makeup, skirts past the knee only, and submit to their husbands completely. I can relate in so many ways to discussions of patriarchy, double standards, etc. found here. And as a feminist and (now part-time) housewife, I can also relate to more generic discussions. I tend to lurk more than contribute, but I have been known to make exceptions.
Comment by Rosemary — July 10, 2009 @ 2:28 pm
And… I know Natalie K. =)
Comment by Rosemary — July 10, 2009 @ 2:30 pm
How did you find fMh?
I’ve absolutely no idea. Probably through….nope. No idea. But I’m *so* glad I did.
Why do you participate here?
I don’t really participate anymore, and I’m not entirely sure why. I don’t blog as consistently as I used to and it follows that I’m not involved anymore in the blogosphere, but I participated or would participate here because you people speak my language. Nobody here is afraid, and I tire of people who are afraid of offending the church. There are real issues real members want and need to discuss.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
When I first joined the church, I was among the many conservative anti-fem members who gobbled up the BS and licked her fingers after. I thought feminism was a myth and if it wasn’t a myth, it created itself and it was composed of women who hated being women. Now I know better, and I don’t exactly know how I got there. I think it was a personal experience regarding polygamy (don’t ask) and allowing myself to admit i hate talks like “mothers who know” and the condescending “women are so special” crap we get fed to keep us happy.
That said, it could be worse, but it could be lots lots better, too.
As for Mormonism, I’m not sure where I stand with that anymore. I don’t go to church anymore and it’s (somewhat) because I don’t want my kids exposed to it. I don’t want to confuse them.
I have an awesome husband, too, who doesn’t buy into the whole middleman doctrine between me and god, so that’s pretty cool.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
27 year old mama of 3 young kids. i grew up going to a catholic school, then i went to a protestant church, baptist, then i dropped church all together before joining the LDS church right after high school nine years ago. i’m a writer (online articles and am working on a YA story) when i’m not a mama. recently diagnosed bipolar (II). and just bought a house. my sense of humor is irreverent, so i tend to shy away from saying anything because i care far too much (FAR too much) about what people think and i really need to work on that.
…and i hate these questions because i never know what to say
Comment by LisaJ — July 10, 2009 @ 2:38 pm
Stephanie, start here: post feminist
but i’d like to hear hawkgrrrl’s definition.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 2:41 pm
i think i found you and asked you to GP.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 2:48 pm
Natalie K. (#172), I was the teacher. And will be this Sunday, too.
Comment by Steve Evans — July 10, 2009 @ 3:04 pm
Julie and Amanda and TheFaithfulDissident … like we need a reason to go to Paris? It’s easier for me to get to Paris than Berlin, but if either of you haven’t visited Heidelberg yet …
btw - I have the FMH t-shirt and wore it with khakis to serve dinner at the Young Single Adult graduation this week. Got more than a few unkind comments from a couple members in the 65+ crowd, but my bishop said, “I like that.” Could be worse.
I use the FMH tote for my church bag as bait to lure out the lurkers … no bites yet, but I keep trying.
oh - is there something planned for SLC in August? I’ll be visiting there for a week and thought I could come crash a Happy Valley snacker.
It’s a great day sisters and brothers … and we have the power to make that so.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 10, 2009 @ 3:23 pm
I’m aerin - I found fmh through a post by chanson #27 around 2006.
I participate because I find the discussions interesting and the perspective interesting. I too am a cultural mormon, having officially left the mormon church some time ago.
I consider myself a humanist and third wave feminist (if it’s possible to be both). Like most of the other comments here - I wouldn’t have thought it was possible to be both mormon and feminist (particularly with my ward growing up). But now I know it is possible; and many are surviving and thriving.
I don’t feel all mormons are alike or all feminists are alike - and for me, this blog is one of many sites that proves it.
I also really appreciate that this site is open and honest about issues within the LDS church and general population (like education for women, parenthood and depression).
I don’t always agree with the posts either but I appreciate being able to comment despite the fact that I’m no longer on the rolls. I work outside the home and my husband is a SAHD. As far as the SAHM thing goes, I support all different kinds and types of parenthood, as parenthood is really hard. And I believe each parent and child are different, with different temperments and needs.
I am still waiting for the second life snacker….I finally got an avatar together.
Comment by aerin — July 10, 2009 @ 3:38 pm
during sunstone. fmh lisa, me, artemis, cwc, chandelle, janet and a zillion other bloggers will be getting together.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 3:45 pm
Bro Jones reprazentin. I discovered the bloggernaccle in 2006, starting with M*Star and discovering the other major blogs through that. As a sharply non-”traditional” Mormon–I’m a convert, a person of color, a liberal, a feminist, and a fairly liberal theologian–I’ve often found myself out of place in Church settings. Matter of fact, I started to use the moniker “Bro. Jones” after I got involved in a blog tussle (not here) over our family’s decision to put my wife’s career first and put me in charge of domestic affairs (and, in 8 months, childrearing!). Lots of harsh words exchanged, and I decided to quit using my real name afterwards.
I’ve always loved FMH: not only for a chance to hear from my sisters in the church, but also to talk about things like sex, poopy children, and crises of faith without judgment or self-consciousness.
I don’t think Mormonism is as complicated as so many make it out to be. I don’t think God cares whether we treat scripture as literal (heck, I don’t think He cares if it is literal) or how clean we keep our houses as much as how we treat each other, how we raise our children, whether we visit the sick/old/doubtful/hungry, and how we can better the world around us. I may sound like a Universalist, and maybe I am a little, but personal revelation brought me into the LDS Church and it continues to keep me here (occasionally under protest).
Comment by Bro. Jones — July 10, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
How did you find fMh?
Why do you participate here?
I participate because I think exchange of thoughts, ideas and opinions is so important — especially (at least for me) on church-related topics. I am trying to stay active in the church and it is really important to me to know I’m not alone in my questioning and struggles to accept all church doctrine and culture. I love it here.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I was always told I was a strident feminist as far back as I can remember for those of my family and fellow church goers for my belief that women were equal, polygamy was anything but equal, that women should receive equal access to education and pay and opportunities. I love being a woman and celebrate womanhood but that does not mean that I am lesser than my male counterparts.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I was BIC raised LDS my whole life. I was very rebellious in high school and still am. I went to BYU but hated it (more rules than I had in high school and feeling like a freak that I wasn’t married by 22 even though I felt no desire to be hitched that young) so didn’t last long and ended up graduating from the University of Utah proudly without my Mrs degree. After graduation, I moved to the East coast for grad school and to start a career. I married at 29, waited to start a family until my early 30s. I have two great daughters, am on my 2nd marriage to a wonderful Catholic guy, and work fulltime. I’m a political junky, sarcastic, have a very irreverant sense of humor, and am highly uncompassionate most of the time. I love being a mom but realize I would be miserable if I was a SAHM. It took time to stop feeling guilt (letting my parents lay the guilt trip on me for these choices) but I look at my kids who are doing well in school, athletics, social skills, and morals and think I’m doing as good a job as my SAHM friends, so I am at peace (for now).
Comment by Lulubelle — July 10, 2009 @ 4:14 pm
#195-Beth: I read that link.
Janet (whenever you come back on): Now, that’s redefining feminine protection!
Ah, another buried thread to add some funny incidents to.
Comment by Mike H. — July 10, 2009 @ 4:23 pm
#200….Does Salt Lake count as close enough to the UC
#202….I am so getting myself a bag for church!
#218…….Will the details be posted here? Is it by invitation only or is everyone invited
Comment by kandi and salt — July 10, 2009 @ 4:25 pm
thanks mfrant for the headsup on Sunstone - I’ll be arriving just as the event wraps up. bummer.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 10, 2009 @ 5:16 pm
I found this site on a search about “trailer trash”. I loved the article and the comments, so I keep hanging around. I’m not a Mormon, but I’m on some prep lists so I’ve picked up a little of the lingo. Was raised by a single mom back in the 50s and used to consider myself a mainline feminist. Now I don’t, as I’ve come to believe that there are real differences between the sexes. I don’t think women are inferior but I definitely don’t hate men.
I’m 57, with no kids, and was married for 37 years. My husband died of pnuemonia in October. God seems to be compassionate and has a sense of humor. I met a man in the ICU waiting room, with an equally sick wife. Our spouses died within a day of each other. We talked each other through our grief and then it turned into something else. I’m now living with him, his son, the son’s girlfriend and their 1 year old baby boy. Oh, and my guy was baptized as Mormon although he’s not a church goer. It’s funny how life works out.
Comment by Teri Pittman — July 10, 2009 @ 5:22 pm
#222 - Why certainly! If I could ever think of an occasion tempting enough for you to brave the commute. Anyone? Buehler?
Comment by Moniker Challenged — July 10, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
UMC ~ Thanks so much for the information. I’m eventually going to be doing a series of blog posts at my blog addressing the terribad folk arguments for why women shouldn’t have the priesthood, and one of the arguments I’m going to address is, “If women had the priesthood, they would quickly take over the leadership of the church so that men would have nothing to do.” I’m going to gather data on denominations that do ordain women, because I’m pretty sure the data will show that no denomination which ordains women is being “overrun” by female clergy. So far the only one I’ve found which even has a majority of female clergy are the Unitarian Universalists (with like, 51%), but I’m still gathering data.
Comment by Bridget Jack Meyers — July 10, 2009 @ 5:27 pm
I’m neither a Mormon nor a housewife, so my presence here is kind of hard to explain. Here goes.
I found the bloggernacle because someone told me that Mormons believe the Garden of Eden was in Missouri, and I thought that was kind of weird, plus I’m from Missouri, so I googled “garden of eden in missouri” to see if that was true. I ended up at By Common Consent, loved it, and started exploring other Mormon blogs, including FMH.
I was amazed and impressed by how much thoughtful, respectful discussion I found here on such a diversity of social and theological issues, as well as by how intelligent and funny the bloggers and commenters were. As a feminist and a Catholic, I love talking and thinking about religion’s interaction with feminism, and I haven’t found any site that does it better than this one. Thanks for the great site, everyone.
Comment by Anna G — July 10, 2009 @ 5:44 pm
k. i got mindy and bro jones to introduce themselves, i think we’re almost done.
betty jo?
newlyfeministmale?
oh me?
yeah. i found fmh while at work back in 05 or 06. i googled some funky Mormon term and found fmh and immediately clicked away.
the pink made my eyes bleed.
i found t&s next and was amazed with the whole ‘blog’ thing. unfortunately, i wasn’t smart enough to play along there so i followed a few links from their site and soon realized that i was way out of my league at the other super thinky Mormon blogs.
/sigh.
i don’t remember how i ended up at fMh again but i put my pride and color disapproval aside, and got involved in the discussion. who knows what it was now, there’s been so many over the years…
i met lisa and artemis and janet and emily and so many others at the first ID snacker. it wasn’t my style to drive to Idaho to meet potential axe murderers but i did and i’ve been part of the family since (the the goofy, annoying sister that everyone tolerates cos she’s got a big heart and always means well)
I participate here because community is important to me. We’ve been able to carve out a cozy spot in the giant blogoshpere and i’m proud to be a part of it.
I learn so much from you people. I can’t count the number of things that have changed in my life since I started participating here. (i have real friends now!) Most of it has been for the better, tho having the IT guy at work block fMh might not fall into that category. I spend way too much time reading all of the comments and deleting trolls (and I admit, sometimes it’s fun to have words with them) and scouting for fresh blood–that’s guest posters to the uninitiated.
i’m the slackassiest blogger in the bunch but that’s because i never claimed to be able to write–plus i’m lazy–but i’m really good at getting things done and that’s the service i provide here at fMh.
I understand people and complex situations well. it’s the only talent i will profess to own and i’ve been able to use that talent here, on numerous occasssions, but it’s usually off board.
i’d like to tell you how i got that way but there’s not enough room on the page for it but suffice it to say, it’s been a long hard life but a damn good one too.
i like mormonism. it’s my drink of choice. i converted 10 years ago this august and though i’m a crappy mormon, i can’t imagine being anywhere else. ( i keep meaning to do a series of posts on my conversion, but like i said earlier, i’m lazy) read bro jones’ comments to get a gist of how i feel.
i was laid off in January, a victim of the financial collapse, and this is the first time since my daughter was born, almost 16 years ago, that i am not working nor looking for work. i’m a student hoping to finally finish my long sought after degrees in Environmental Studies and Geography.
Huswifery does not suit me–my bedroom proves that! but not working suits me just fine.
I have a huge garden, chickens, a goose, a dog and cat that all love my attention throughout the day. i’m a very active person who has a hard time sitting still. I commute to school via pub trans or bicycle every day and use my bicycle to exercise and to buy food from costco (very large trailer pulled by the mister)
i’ve just started trail running and hoping to do another Triathlon before the summer’s end and i’d like to lose 30 lbs in the coming months by doing so.
anything else you want to know, read my intro page on the sidebar and find my comments (or just ask). you’ll see that i don’t ever hold back. i’m economical with my words and it gets me in trouble lots. just remember that i mean well.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 5:45 pm
How did you find fMh?
I was doing a Google church for “Women and Mormons”
Why do you participate here?
Cause I like knowing that there are other people like me who question and keep trying.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Ummm..I’m not a housewife…I’m married to a European man who is a proud equal partner in our household responsiblites..so I clean the bathrooms, dust and do the fussy deep cleaning bits and most of the cooking, while he does the laundry (including the ironing) the swiffering, dishes and dog duties. Oh and we share responsiblity for watering the plants, finances and we make the bed together in the morning.
I’m a life long feminist who began questioning the role of women early..like noticing differences in Primary..like really why was no one interested in the merit badges I earned in Girl Scouts..for that matter why were there no Girl Scouts in church, when there were Boy Scouts…really I think that’s where my feminism started..the fact that nobody gave a darn about my merit badges
Mormonism is hard for me in some ways and natural in others…sometimes the hard wins and I have to fall back to what I learned in the Jewish community, “Doubt is part of faith, God appreciates people who care enough to ask questions.”
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m a 39 year old graduate student in library science and works full time at my job of twelve years in a law library. Being outside is my sanity..I’ve recently taken up kayaking and enjoy being on the water as much as possible. I like to read anything I can get my hands on, I enjoy writing and wish I had more time to devote to it..and currently, I have a historical crush on John Adams.
Comment by sn — July 10, 2009 @ 6:08 pm
Not meaning to threadjack, but here’s the Sunstone Conference listing of some of our intrepid FMH blogger’s Panel:
https://www.sunstonemagazine.com/images//slc09_prelim_final_web.pdf
174. Panel
COUNTING TO INFINITY: HOW BLOGGING
HELPS PROCESS THE TRAVAILS AND
TRIUMPHS OF MOTHERHOOD
Abstract The term “Mommy Blog” has been used to define
as well as cordon off writing about motherhood
from “serious” blogging. Nonetheless, blogs
about mothering flourish as an online medium
where women write about, process, and compare
notes on the experiences, challenges, and joys of
mothering. Why has this focus in blogging taken
off and kept going—and even spawned satire
sites? This panel of FEMINIST MORMON
HOUSEWIVES bloggers will tell us what they think.
Panelists
LISA BUTTERWORTH, founder FEMINST MORMON
HOUSEWIVES (FMH), blogs between wiping bums,
refereeing fights, and cooking potatoes for her
family of five in Boise, Idaho
MELANIE FRANTI, a not-so-good Mormon
housewife, bachelors degree degree candidate in
environmental studies and geography; mother to
one daughter, a partner to one great man, and
FMH blogger
SHELAH MINER, BA in English teaching and
French, MA in American culture studies at
Washington University in St. Louis, stays at
home with her four children, blogs on FMH, and
edits the feature section of Segullah.
JANET GARRARD-WILLIS, doctoral candidate,
literature, Saint Louis University; mother of a
rambunctious toddler, Muffin; FMH blogger
Comment by Mike H. — July 10, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
That sounds fascinating Jack, I can’t wait to read it!
Comment by reese — July 10, 2009 @ 6:37 pm
mike, there’s another panel that lisa and I are on only i can’t remember the name.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 6:43 pm
Stephanie,re 82,so sweet of you to ask.Mystery illness.Symptoms like having flu since 2005,including,sleeplessness,exhaustion,brain fog,fybromyalgia, migraine,bladder infections,skin problems blah de blah.No fun.
Ironically first port of call for me would always be a book,but this seems to have taken away my capacity to read due to the brain fog and eye problems.You guys will know how hard that would be.
My daughter went down with a very similar illness at the age of 11 ,that’s now 13 years ago,when her baby brother was 3 months old.I somehow managed to stitch work together until I became ill myself.Then two years ago my son,then 10,became ill.We march to a different drummer in this house,and that makes it difficult for others to relate to in the church.
Housework? Whatever.Never was a great enthusiast,I really could always find something more interesting,although I did love the cooking and the garden.I guess I’m post feminist-my mother always worked full time and we were in full time childcare.I can’t kid myself that childcare begins to address the needs of a child-but neither can I pretend that I was fulfilled by child rearing,as much as I adored their fluffy gorgeousness.So,part-time suited me fine and I always worked ,in the community,in a local book shop(best job ever),and after some post grad work,as a psychotherapist.
I keep the pseudonym,just in case a wandering ex client ambles by.I like my space,and enjoy the memory of the journey I had with some great people.I’m not sure where I’ll be at the end of all this.I’m hoping to retain my faith,as I like to journey with God,He is a stimulating companion.
Comment by wayfarer — July 10, 2009 @ 6:51 pm
Mfranti - I know I am a little late on this, family came to town, but wow! I have a chook named after my handle. I am blushing and if I was any good at the emoticons I would put one it, but alas I would actually have to look them up and I am a bit lazy in that regard and not any good at remembering them either.
I would absolutely love to buy some from you, but right now our city doesn’t allow us to have them, which is one of the many reasons we are looking to move soon. Although, recently our lovely little city is considering changing the ordinances, but it will take up to a year to take effect. I should mention my husband is also considering getting some ducks for eggs also. Not so sure if I am up to that, but we’ll see.
When we finally are ready to get some chickens I’ll be in touch, and might even want to see your set-up so we can see urban chicken farming in action. If tha’ts okay.
And fMh has actually changed/helped me in other ways besides wanting chickens it’s just one of the more funny ways that bugs my husband.
Comment by Violet — July 10, 2009 @ 6:52 pm
Right, Mel:
275. Panel
BRIDGING STEREOTYPES THROUGH BLOGGING
Abstract Picture a Mormon woman. Many specific traits
come to mind, some profound, some superficial.
Even if many of the stereotypical traits fit on average,
they don’t all fit everyone, and sometimes
they fit in unexpected ways. Blogging naturally
helps to break down stereotypes because superficial
barriers like age, race, economic class, and
geographic location are stripped away, and people
meet others who wouldn’t normally be in the
same real-life social community. By exchanging
ideas and stories, whole categories of people—
that one person might ordinarily have mentally
filed as “other”—come to life. Because blogging
isn’t just broadcasting but is two-way communication,
the blogger challenges other people’s prejudices
about her at the same time as she expands
her own horizons by learning about others.
Mormon women bloggers have seized their
ambassador role with gusto, showing the diversity
of the Mormon community while finding common
ground with people in other communities.
Moderator/ CAROL HAMER, blogs as C. L. Hanson on
Panelist LFAB-UVM.BLOGSPOT.COM, and as chanson on
LATTERDAYMAINSTREET.COM
Panelists LISA BUTTERWORTH, co-founder of Feminist
Mormon Housewives
JANA BOUCK REMY, blogger on THEEXPONENT.
COM and PILGRIMGIRL.BLOGSPOT.COM
CHERYL L. BRUNO, blogs as Bored in Vernal on
MORMONMATTERS.ORG, and as BiV on
KOLOBIV.BLOGSPOT.COM
MELANIE FRANTI, FMH blogger
Comment by Mike H. — July 10, 2009 @ 6:57 pm
wayfarer, wow, I imagine that must be extremely frustrating. My mom has a lot of the same symptoms as you (sleeplessness,exhaustion,brain fog,fybromyalgia, migraine). She’s trying to figure it out. She found out she’s low on iron, thyroid, vitamin D. I also suspect she has an adrenal disorder. Have you and your children been tested for that? Good luck to you. Chronic illness is so, so hard. (and I agree that it doesn’t seem to garner much sympathy at church - just judgement for not being “up to par”)
Comment by Stephanie — July 10, 2009 @ 6:58 pm
Haha, Steve, I’d love to join your lesson next week, but I’m afraid I’ve already been snapped up to substitute in Primary next week. Sigh. Good luck with the lesson.
LisaJ., I remember how you found this blog.
It was because of me. *bows*
We were talking about prop 8 stuff on our LDS Left group, and I found the “Traditional Marriage is Dead” post and linked it to you. I remember because we both left comments at the end of the thread, after it had already expired, saying something like, “Wow, other liberal Mormons? And feminists? Marry me!”
Hi Rosemary!
Comment by Natalie K. — July 10, 2009 @ 7:02 pm
How did you find fMh?
A few years ago I found a fMh link on my sister-in-law’s website. She’s getting her sociology PhD on Work & Gender and we talk a lot about work/life balance in academia/sciences and this site seemed to a good place to lurk.
Why do you participate here?
In addition to trying to achieve work/life balance (which is hard with my workaholic tendencies), I struggle trying to find a balance with church service. Living in rural Montana I miss the intellectual conversations about Mormon culture and feminism in general that I enjoyed while living in New York City for many years.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I found feminism while taking a women’s studies course almost 20 years ago and haven’t looked back. Since a young child I have been a fan of the important roles women have championed in LDS history. I was raised to believe I could do anything and be anything…that I was equal regardless if society treated me as such.
I love being a Mormon and have enjoyed many blessings for which I am thankful. I was raised in the Church but have lived in many diverse places and enjoyed a wide range of friendships that strengthen me. I have been given the talents of observation and outspokenness and admire it in others.
I was raised/trained to believe I would be an efficient SAHM, but instead am looking forward to having a househusband!
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am 39 years old PhD student in Clinical Psychology. Was just married on the 27th of June for the very first time and boy the wait was worth it. I will admit that once engaged I felt a pang of loss regarding losing my singlehood status because it was part of my independent sense of self for so long. I actually went through a mini identity crisis and believe it or not the DH-to-be was very supportive about my struggle. I am a researcher and therapist for children, women, families, and persons with disabilities who have experienced violence or abuse. Feminist theory plays a role in my research. For fun I regularly ride horses even though my horse Hummer threw me and I broke my neck 4 weeks before my wedding! Can’t wait to heal and ride again….
-Joanna Legerski McCormick
Comment by AuntieJo — July 10, 2009 @ 7:03 pm
re: 198
Stephanie, that sounds incredibly painful.
re: 226
Why does the ratio of women to men matter? What’s wrong, if women proved to be more interested in and better qualified for the clergy, with women “taking over?”
re: 228
Didn’t Lorian already go (#8)? Though I’ve no problem if she goes again.
re: 230/232
Does the bishop get complimentary tickets?
Comment by Derek — July 10, 2009 @ 7:12 pm
jeez! I leave for Girl’s Scout camp for one day and look what I missed?! Wowzers.
Hmmmm. Like most things that are good for me in life, my mom led me here. Numi told me all about fMh 18 months ago and I have been sold ever since. My dad used to always say he didn’t understand how I could be an active Mormon and still hold the political and social beliefs I do. I thank you all for convincing Numi that I am not about to be hauled in front of a disciplinary council just for being a feminist.
I am a 32 y/o woman with 3 kids (11 y/o boy, 6 y/o girl and 3 y/o girl). I am starting my 3rd year of my phd program in political communication, so I like to stir it up with people on almost any political topic (and I can make anything a political topic). I have a fantastic dh, Mr. Eris, who lovingly encourages my feminism - including my insistence on a female dentist and the commitment to Girl Scouts.
I love the topics (usually) and I enjoy a good internet fight. The problem is that with school and 3 kids I get behind and become #235 and by then, what is the point - no one else is reading it, right?
I come back for the community. I have met some of you and this only makes me love you more. Although none of you will ever replace mfranti in my heart, and that is not just because we have showered together. But that’s another subject.
Comment by Eris — July 10, 2009 @ 7:30 pm
Bedding, showering…M gets around…
Comment by Derek — July 10, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
#239 Derek ~ Why does the ratio of women to men matter? What’s wrong, if women proved to be more interested in and better qualified for the clergy, with women “taking over?”
I agree with you that the ratio shouldn’t matter, especially not since currently 100% of Mormonism’s ordained leaders are men. That people are okay with the current situation and then go on to express fear of a complete reversal shows a deeply embedded sexism. I would say that if women prove to be better at running the church, let ‘em run it, and I plan to point that out.
However, it’s still an irrational fear because so far no denomination which does ordain women has been dominated by female clergy. The numbers I’ve gathered so far run from about 9% to 30%, with the Unitarians being the first denomination to have a just-barely female majority at ~51% and Salvation Army having almost 50% female clergy. I still need to check the RLDS/CoC numbers and some others.
Comment by Bridget Jack Meyers — July 10, 2009 @ 8:06 pm
I found fmh awhile ago (can’t remember how I found it) but haven’t spent too much time on here. I recently quit my job to become a SAHM mom and have started to visit fmh more frequently. I haven’t participated much, though I plan on commenting more. I wouldn’t say I am a feminist but I am not the cookie cutter SAHM that I see around me. I am still figuring out who I am now and find this site refreshing.
I was raised mormon in a part member family. I got married in the temple and waited more than 4 years (gasp!) to have our first child. I have my masters and while I want to stay at home, I love my job and will eventually go back to work.
Comment by starfish — July 10, 2009 @ 8:47 pm
#242 Thank you Bridget for showing us the numbers. It will be a beautiful day when ability and spirituality is a more important qualification than gender in selecting leaders.
Comment by Jo — July 10, 2009 @ 9:40 pm
Geez, I just found this post (great idea, btw), and there is already over 240 comments! Amazing.
For my answers to the questions, see my Manuary post from this past January.
Comment by Kevin Barney — July 10, 2009 @ 9:52 pm
#100 Crazywomancreek
Let nothing be left unsaid. We can put on our big girl shoes and shout it out.
Jennifer - stay and engage with us, even when we snarl a little. We can’t bite, and you have given us some wonderful discussion points.
Comment by Jo — July 10, 2009 @ 9:58 pm
I don’t remember the first time I read fMh, but I *found* you guys about a year and a half ago. I’ve always been a feminist, I’ve always been Mormon, but the housewife thing is recent (I quit my performing-arts-management job to be a SAHM three and a half years ago) and is difficult for me. (The Mormon thing is becoming increasingly difficult, too, so it’s awfully good I found you all.)
I know the long Prop 8 discussions were a drag for a lot of people, but I needed them. I have dear friends on both sides of the issue who have lost jobs (and, for some, church fellowship) because of the stands they took, and it I found it cathartic to read other people’s rants and confusion and hurt. Thank you, thank you, thank you all for just being here.
I’m a semi-crazy arts-loving, violin-toting, doll-clothes-making, left-of-center TV-and-New-Yorker addict with a shoe fetish and two adorable preschool-aged daughters. We moved to the Boston area two years ago, and I’m thoroughly in love with the T, my weekly veggie box from a local CSA farm, my kids’ co-op preschool, and the chocolate cake donuts from my local donut shop.
(Jessie and Markie, I know you’re reading this, and I’m expecting you to introduce yourselves as well.)
Comment by Libby — July 10, 2009 @ 10:00 pm
# 134 Hey when your down in the LBC we need to get coffee(Lol)
Okay,I need the shirt and the bag..my mom wants one too! Where do I order..
I was telling her we should make one that says ” This is what a Mormon Feminist Looks Like” haha…love it!!
As far as the housewifery..I would love to be one, I’m practically one now..seeing as though I’m a preschool teacher..although the pay is better by far.
I’ve come to believe that even though I harbor secret dreams of becoming a House Wife/Mommy that I’m still a Feminist..
Btw,I was reading the posts to her..she couldn’t stop smiling..thank you for this blog it’s really allowed my mom and I to talk and listen to one another..and really begin to understand.We’ve always had a good relationship but now it’s getting stronger..I’ve admitted to being Pagan to her because of this and now a potential Mormon..though she says I’m the most Mormon woman she’s ever known..even before I went to church..I told her it was all her fault..heehee,
hugs..
Comment by Jillian — July 10, 2009 @ 10:01 pm
I was trying to think of something witty and entertaining to post when I drew a blank. I am probably one of the oldest (if not the oldest) participants here at fMh. By “oldest,” I mean age-wise. I am an ex-Mo, former pseudo-hippie, baby boomer … so you young folk would, no doubt, find me fairly boring.
Now if you were born 1946-1964, you’re a baby boomer and we just might have something in common.
Anyway … sorry for this interruption. Please carry on with the lovefest.
Comment by Kalola — July 10, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
I think I found fMh in March 2005 via a sidebar from BCC or T&S. I was at once fascinated and smitten. Totally in love with the permas.
I have been teaching internationally for the past 21 years or so (well, we came back for 3 years after the first year) and have lived mostly in the middle and far east.
I have 2 cute kids ages 8 & 9. I’m from a “part member” family (i.e. my husband is a lapsed Lutheran). I love reading blogs but am sort of lazy about making coherent comments.
I enjoy this blog because I love the topics of conversation and diversity of opinions.
I’ll be in Paris in September if anyone’s doing that Euro-Snacker thing!
Comment by meems — July 10, 2009 @ 10:30 pm
click here —> bag.
or here—> t shirts and other fun stuff.
Comment by mfranti — July 10, 2009 @ 10:59 pm
Kalola, there’s another baby-boomer here! And no, we are not boring… we’re just hitting our prime! Anyone who lived through the 60’s and 70’s and claims to be a pseudo-hippie is my kind of person. Last year I discovered Berkeley, CA. My inner-hippie came flooding out all over the place! Twice a year I spend three days there with dh wandering the streets and mourning my lost hippie-hood.
Free love, baby! (oops, wrong blog…)
Comment by Numi — July 10, 2009 @ 11:28 pm
#227 - Anna, what part of MO? I just moved to Canton - NE corner between Keokuk, IA and Hannibal, MO - across the river and slightly north of Quincy, IL.
Comment by Ray — July 10, 2009 @ 11:33 pm
I heard about this thing on KRCL one day and thought to myself, wow, that’s pretty ridiculous.
Comment by theshinyolivegreendemon — July 11, 2009 @ 12:01 am
I found fMh through the NY Times article, even though I never read the times. I have no idea how that happened. Anyhow, I read the Poop Chronicles, decided that Lisa was awesome, and I’ve kept up on the blog since. I am feminist (and this blog has helped me define that aspect of myself), not Mormon (but grew up in a small town in Eastern Oregon with lots of Mormons), and enjoy being a housewife (but hold a full-time job outside of the home).
Comment by swan — July 11, 2009 @ 12:23 am
Amanda, Julie, TheFaithfulDissident… add meems. September, Paris.
my bossiness just showed up… please excuse.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 11, 2009 @ 12:57 am
How did you find fMh?I think I linked through an add on MormonTimes. Although, I don’t remember how I got to MormonTimes. (Off topic, but I think that the printed version is lacking a lot of the good stuff.)
Why do you participate here?It stretches my thoughts a bit (at least more than housekeeping and babytending).
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. Honestly, I’d never really thought about Feminism much before. I suppose that I’ve always come across as a feminist because of an experience as a teenager: My family moved into the neighboring stake, which mostly consisted of folks outside of my school district. (ie, I didn’t know anyone.) When playing a game of Fruit Basket Turnover at mutual, one of the boys was leading and called for all of the “feminazis” to go, while staring me down. Yeah. Akward silence. I gave him a very puzzled look. Then one of the YM leaders declared that that was him and everyone started running again. Anyhow. That’s a long aside. I once asked that kid’s brother’s best friend (follow?) why those boys didn’t like me and he told me that he had no idea, but that they’d decided that I was a feminist — and apparantly that’s a bad thing.
More back to topic, I’ve really enjoyed exploring my honestly feminist self. Although I think that those of you who are vying for female priesthood in the church are a bit of an eye roll.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I’m 30, tall, pretty, very busy with sewing, crafting, FOOD!, teaching Gospel Doctrine, a couple other tiny callings, and slightly obsessed with nutrition and fitness (I think every woman needs more physical strength. Strong is sexy. Strong is strong.) I am married to a terrific man (who folds most of the laundry!) and we have two darling little girls (2 and 4). I’m trying to keep my mind occupied with things other than diapers and picture books. Currently I’m spending time and money on singing. It’s my greatest personal passion and this point in my life.
I am returning to school in some fashion in 5 years (that’s also my deadline for baby production) and complete a bachelor’s degree. I did a couple years at BYU-Provo, married an idiot, divorced him 4 1/2 years later, moved back to Utah (yes, to go to school AND find a new husband…what can I say? I think marriage is great — with the right person.) Wasting no time, I met my future husband only two months after moving in with some annoying young single girls. My divorce was final two months after that. We started really dating, got engaged two more months after that, and then married three months later. I have been a happy homemaker for over 5 years now. I knew how to find a great guy the second time.
How’s that for some random information?
Comment by Erin — July 11, 2009 @ 1:05 am
I’ll start with the little bit about myself… I just turned eighteen, which is exciting. I’m in the middle of the transition from YW to Relief Society right now, which is fun. I like ice cream, chocolate pudding, and peanut butter. I also like text messaging, Facebook, and writing letters on paper. I found fMh… I actually can’t remember. It was a while ago.
I participate here because while I mostly lurk, there are sometimes things that I actually want to say. Especially when it’s something that actually relates to me in a way that it might not relate to a lot of other people who comment. And when I lurk, I lurk because… well… until recently, I wasn’t even a legal adult(and I don’t really consider myself all that grown-up now), and sometimes, when a teenager speaks up in adult discussions, we get dismissed. But that’s okay. I’ll probably feel that way about teenagers when I’m not one.
I think Mormonism and feminism are pretty sweet. And housewifery? I don’t know for myself… I don’t have my own house, and I’m not married, but I think that washing machines are the most wonderful things ever and that kids who complain about loading dishwashers are spoiled brats who have never been “blessed” with the experience of handwashing dishes.
Comment by Chiasma — July 11, 2009 @ 1:09 am
Betty Jo, (182) the roomba is a robotic vacuum cleaner, yes! It’s not powerful enough to act as a rug-beater type vacuum like most uprights. I think if it had that much power it might be dangerous. But it does an amazing job! When I first got mine I had to go around and roomba-proof my house a bit. It can’t deal with rug fringe, so I ended up duct-taping the fringe ends under my little karistan rug in the entryway. Electrical cords are not things it can happily deal with, either, so I went around and pushed then all back against the wall or lifted and wire-wrapped them to get them out of the way. After that, though, it just goes like crazy. It will vacuum about two rooms in my house on a single charge.
Once you set it down and press the button, it just does its pattern and gets everything looking really good. So I rotate it between room during the week and gradually get the whole house that way. I hate to vacuum, for some reason. I think it’s because the noise bothers me, and also the regular vacuum cleaner terrifies the cats so I feel bad for them and put it off. But the roomba is relatively quiet. More like a whirring sound, quieter than a blender. More like a mixer or something in the noise it makes. And it gets the rugs looking great and feeling great under my bare feet.
I clean it completely after every cycle including emptying the bin and getting all the cat hair out of the brushes. That helps it do a good job. I find I very much prefer tending to my little robot to vacuuming rooms myself. So I vacuum a whole lot more often this way. I totally will not be without one again, though it did wear out after heavy use for about a year and started malfunctioning. (I got another one.) On the other hand my upright vacuum lasted 15 years (on a very light duty cycle) and cost about the same as two roombas. So it’s hard to say it’s really price competitive with an upright vacuum cleaner. I expect it will get better and better over time, though, so that future models will last longer and work better.
I recommend getting the plain jane basic model, since you have to pick it up to clean it anyway each cycle. The week long programming thing would not be useful really (unless I guess your house is so spotless that the bin won’t fill up all week). The bin is about the size of a dust-buster’s bin. Since you have to pick it up to clean it out, I don’t see the value in having it find its home base by itself and put itself on charge automatically, nor in programming it to start at various times all week long. So you can save a lot of money that way.
/roomba threadjack
Comment by Tatiana — July 11, 2009 @ 1:32 am
I don’t consider myself a pseudo-hippie. But, when a number of topics come up here on FHM, I can honestly say I’ve been there, done that. Or, had that. Or, wrecked that.
Comment by Mike H. — July 11, 2009 @ 1:46 am
… or blacked-out while doing that
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 11, 2009 @ 2:15 am
#239 - Derek:
Yes I did!
I’d go again, but I’m a woman of few words. :snicker:
Comment by Lorian — July 11, 2009 @ 2:16 am
I am so in. September is the perfect time to go to Paris! What dates are we looking at?
Comment by julie — July 11, 2009 @ 2:43 am
Julie - let’s check with meems - she’s traveling in from the Middle East. Count me in.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 11, 2009 @ 2:50 am
Oh women of September,please count me in at some future date as can’t imagine travelling yet,but the prospect of Paris with my FMH homies is a lovely one.Lived in rural France for a year and my daughter was two years in Paris.Wander along the canal St. Martin on a Sunday,and do let me know dates so I can walk with you in my inner Paris.How I wish I could meet you.By the way,am UK resident,and can get to Paris in 3 hours!Anyone want to stop by and meet me in London?
Comment by wayfarer — July 11, 2009 @ 6:33 am
But could you bring Ray?
Comment by wayfarer — July 11, 2009 @ 6:34 am
. i had no intention of posting ,never have before, i have been lurking here for perhaps 2 years and always enjoy the discussion ,friendship ,compassion and civility exhibited . i think i found you via times and seasons, not sure.
i suppose i read these posts and discussions for my personal enjoyment ,and also perhaps, because i feel obliged by the nature of my church calling to express orthodox positions on many topics
that i hold much more nuanced or heterodox views upon and it is a relief to read the wide range of views found here expressed by believers of all persuasions and degrees of commitment to the restored gospel.
feminsm , ah. perhaps i could call myself a liberal post feminist man, or something like that .i have been a happily married stay at home father /primary care giver for 16 years , at home with all three children,though my truly extraordinary wife breastfed all three; with me either bottle feeding expressed milk ,or turning up at her various places of work so she could suckle them there we had some interesting reactions .
i am a convert to the restored gospel[ of some 30 years, the last 17 active] , from fairly cynical agnostisism,always had questions and thought at my introduction to the gospel that it was weird , implausible, and in some respects repulsive, my conversion story is too long for this blog and perhaps not that interesting.i am happy to be a mormon, have held busy callings since i became active , though i’m feeling a little weary lately
i treasure my association with the saints in my area and delight in the practical christian commonwealth that is the church as i see and live it . i often don’t agree with particular positions or policies of the church but i am a believer both in revelation and in the complexity and paradox of a divinely inspired though human order of things
looks like i’ve run on a little didn’t mean to say this much
as for me, i am male , australian,an artist/homemaker
50 years old [still shocked to see that number] mormon by choice ,liberal as to social issues though that is a gross simplification. really, really enjoy this site .i often log on here after a tiresome sunday of meetings and interviews , and just enjoy the exchanges and the people here.
thankyou all of you.,Peter.
‘
Comment by peter — July 11, 2009 @ 6:50 am
Yay September in Paris!
Comment by Amanda — July 11, 2009 @ 8:18 am
I’ll be there in Paris from the 17th to 24th (so I’m available from the evening of the 17th to the evening of the 23rd).
Awesome!
Comment by meems — July 11, 2009 @ 8:42 am
Welcome Peter!
your story sounds fascinating and it’s a shame you haven’t commented here to share some of it. i bet there’s much we could have learned from you.
thanks for coming out of lurkdom.
M
Comment by mfranti — July 11, 2009 @ 9:01 am
Another over-50 here, hence the name Crone (which for centuries had positive connotations and then was degenerated, happily to be brought back by the feminists of the 70’s as once again a positive word).
Discovered fMh about a year or two ago; enjoy the lively, intelligent, spiritually rich voices that abound here. In the 70’s and 80’s, I was part of CR groups and support groups; fMh has raised this concept to a beautiful, global experience.
About me: certainly a feminist, a liberal, a homemaker, a lover of books, animals, most music, Paris, Prague, Vancouver, Copenhagen, Mount Timpanogos, the Choir (can’t get it on TV here, alas), wit and wisdom such as I read here so frequently.
Have plans to read every profile posted here, a few at a time.
Comment by Crone — July 11, 2009 @ 9:14 am
re: 259 - Roomba
thanks for info.
Comment by Betty Jo — July 11, 2009 @ 9:59 am
I SO wish I could go to a snacker in Europe (though I’d prefer somewhere in Italy)…Someday…
Comment by Derek — July 11, 2009 @ 10:12 am
I am happy to find there are others here at fMh who are over 50 and some latter-day hippies.
Due to age (lol), I don’t remember how I found fMh. My claim to fame here is one guest post. I truly felt honored the day that post appeared.
I’m currently reading a book titled “The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement” by Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D. and W. Keith Campbell, Ph.D. The book has confirmed for me that what I’m observing in society today is not my conservative imagination running away with me. I had to laugh when I read these words from a journalist who was interviewing a celebrity: “I think…I believe…I am…My passion is…I’d like to think what I do makes a difference to the world…Me…Me…More Me…Major Me…did I mention me? …”
I often feel that my opinions don’t matter because who am I anyway?
Okay … I got off topic there, didn’t I?
I’m often confused, so I’m hoping someone will help me understand. What exactly is a “feminist Mormon housewife?” I know what a “feminist” is from the early movement. I know what a “Mormon” is. And I know what a “housewife” is. What I’m trying to understand is why the term “feminist Mormon housewife.” Why do you consider yourself a “feminist?”
With that, I bid you a good day and “Peace.”
Comment by Kalola — July 11, 2009 @ 10:31 am
#253 Ray–I’m in St. Louis, not too far away. I’ve always liked the area near Hannibal.
Comment by Anna G — July 11, 2009 @ 10:46 am
Julie, Amanda, meems, TheFaithfulDissident (wish wayfarer could be here!) .. and others interested in determining the details around the FMH Paris Snacker - the Women of September .. please use the following email.
marymagdalenefmh at gmail dot com
much love.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 11, 2009 @ 11:03 am
With nearly 300 comments already, I don’t know if many will read this far–but… I just want to say thanks for being here; I’ve gotten a lot out of lurking here over the past couple of years.
About me: middle-aged-ex-Mormon-former-missionary from an old pioneer family. Oh, and I’m gay. But I still value (and am grateful for) my LDS heritage and upbringing (it’s a baby/bathwater thing), despite feeling that I didn’t so much reject the Church as it rejected me.
Anyway, you folks are the best. Thanks again.
-Scott
Comment by SLK in SF — July 11, 2009 @ 11:21 am
yes they will!
thanks for stopping by and introducing yourself.
Comment by mfranti — July 11, 2009 @ 11:52 am
That’s amazing. Almost 300 comments on an introduce yourself thread! ( And I’m guessing there’s plenty more lurkers who haven’t said hello yet.) I heart FMH!
Comment by moksha — July 11, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
Wow. I noticed (and loved) this post early on, but it took me this long to read everyone’s responses. I don’t have much interesting to say, but here goes:
How did you find fMh?
Through a link on my friend Julia’s blog, probably in late 2007. We were acquaintances growing up in SE Idaho and when I rediscovered her wit, humor and sarcasm years later thru the blogosphere, I realized she was hilarious and had impeccable taste in all things entertainment. Basically, I trust her judgement of all things awesome and when she pointed me here, I followed. Thank you, Julia.
Why do you participate here?
Honestly, I’m not sure… I read and lurk because it’s so comforting to know that I’m not the only crazy one who thinks that using our heads is a good thing. Thinking through issues? Discussing all viewpoints? Blasphemy! I started commenting because after lurking for so long, I realized I wanted to find a way to make myself a part of this community. I considered volunteering for a GP, but I’m too lazy, so commenting it is. (Again, when I’m not too lazy.) FWIW, when I guest spoke at a ward’s Enrichment about technology and education, I pimped you guys out to the ladies. And I desperately need a fMh bag for church. I’m sure they’ll love that I take it to YW. (Yeah - huge thanks for beginnings new.)
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Meh. I grew up thinking homemaking and housekeeping was important (and fulfilling - ha!), and I still have that Mormon guilt about not doing enough. Then I married a Mormon-hater in the temple who was pretty angry when I didn’t do all things Stepford. I got out of that and am now married to a non-Mo who cooks, does laundry, and lifts his feet while I vacuum. It’s heaven.
I have a testimony of the gospel, tho I’ll admit my current ward is challenging. We have lots of very opinionated people who say things that are doctrinally incorrect, so lessons are generally a) incorrect (and I can only speak up to correct so much) or b) read straight from the 1970’s manuals. Church can be rather painful, so I’ve started taking books to read (right now it’s Jesus the Christ - Talmage), which seems to impress/scare my awesome Bishopric. I will say that I do have a lot of respect and awe for my Bishopric for putting me into YW (PhD, no kids, married nonMo) because they thought “the girls need better role models”, despite some concerns from others in the ward.
I also grew up with my dad telling me/ pointing out that I was pretty smart and better at math than most of the other kids (including boys), and I thought that’s just how things were supposed to be (i.e., women and men compared equally). How funny when I was told in college that boys were better at math and sciences. Pshaw! I was never worried about getting an education (because that’s just what you do after HS) and generally rolled my eyes when someone made a comment about how “smart” and “girl” don’t go together. So while I always thought feminist was a bad word, reading a few posts here sorta clued me in on the fact that I am a feminist. And I’m okay with that. I like my bras and I shave my legs, but don’t put baby in a corner. I work in high tech fields and while I generally prefer working with men (less drama, less PMS), there are times I really ache for a fulfilling conversation for a female; I haven’t been able to find that IRL, so ya’ll are my surrogate.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
We don’t have any kids yet and I laugh at the only-slightly-veiled sex questions in the chapel. I’m currently a post-doc trying to find a job in a crappy economy and love some of the ladies here for starting the Mormon Women in Academia group. Once I do find a real job and have babies some day, I know I couldn’t be happy or fulfilled at home with no outlet. And I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for letting me know I’m not the only one who worries about that.
I’m not sure where to start. I’m 30 and grew up in SE Idaho, married a Mormon hater in the temple, was smart enough to get out and decided to move to Tucson and get a PhD. (I’m sure some of you will remember that my getting a PhD makes Heavenly Father sad. lol) Somehow I met and married the greatest man alive, who happens to be a nonMo, which makes some people in my ward uneasy. It made my family uneasy until they met him; now they’ve declared that they sure will miss me if he and I ever split.
If there is ever a snacker in Arizona (or Utah when I can find a way up there), please let me know. I’ll try my hardest to look pretty, make pithy comments, and be appropriately reverent to and respectful of your awesomeness. I have an online crush with too many of you to mention, and like a good junior high girl, I get a rush out of you acknowledging my existence. Meeting some of you in person just might push me over the edge, but I’ll take the risk.
DH says hi and thanks to femMo (as he calls you) for providing me with the kinship I need but haven’t been able to find IRL.
Comment by that1girl — July 11, 2009 @ 1:07 pm
I’ll be anxiously looking for more details on the August SLC “snacker…” if it’s okay for me to crash the party, of course, considering I don’t actually know any of you!
I’m late to this but here’s my intro: I am currently living in Massachusetts, but will be moving (back) to Utah in couple of weeks. (I grew up in SLC and attended BYU for my undergrad.) I have always had good luck with finding small enclaves of like-minded people to be my friends in Utah (despite the fact that I am much more liberal and feminist than meajority opinions in the state), and I can imagine that a little snacker would be a nice way to meet some new people.
I’m married; we have one toddler and another baby on the way. I’m working on my masters degree in creative (fiction) writing, and I’m a freelance writer and aspiring author. I’ve been lurking here for a couple of years. I hardly ever comment, but I read semi-regularly because it makes me feel less alone in the universe
I agree with basically everything Quimby ever says, which is kind of a nice feeling.
Comment by missy. — July 11, 2009 @ 3:31 pm
My husband actually discovered FMH and told me about it. I have long been a loud feminist (at least to him) and he thought I might like it here. Which I do!
I love that FMH thinks about “normal” Mormon issues in a whole new light. I don’t always agree, but that’s the other bit I love about FMH, it is ok to disagree here.
Right now I am working full time as a secretary while my husband is staying home with the kids. He is a phenomenally better housewife than I and I love it! I like getting out of the house and speaking with adults all day while he takes care of the kids and keeps things clean. I love how nice it is to come home at the end of the day to children who are happy to see me and a husband who has a newfound appreciation for how difficult being a homemaker is. Everyone should try it, even if just for a month, you will have a whole new perspective on life and a very grateful hubby.
Anyway, I love FMH!! Thanks for this great site!
Comment by Sarah Salway — July 11, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
This website is very liberal and my views tend to go the other way. FMH is somewhat permissive on letting alternate points of view on the blog.
Comment by dara — July 11, 2009 @ 4:09 pm
Lorian - I hope that I did not sound weird with my comment since I don’t post much… but what I mean is that you impress me very much with your side of the conversations here. You are very confident and eloquent in describing your life and your feelings, especially as pertains to issues surrounding gay families like yours. I have some gay family members that I love very much and I look forward to the day our country recognizes the civil rights of our gay citizens, too.
I don’t really have the vocabulary to express this well. (My normal variation in adjectives are “cool”, “awesome” or “crappy”.)
On a completely different subject, I introduced my family to fMh a couple of weeks ago by reading Lisa’s Poop Chronicle story out loud for their enjoyment. My 14 year old boys were tearing up from laughing so hard. After, they asked - “You mean there are Mormon women on the Internet telling Poop stories? How cool is that?”
Comment by twinmomnc — July 11, 2009 @ 4:41 pm
that1girl:
I looked at your blog and I think I went to high school with your little sister (TF?). I think you are the first person that I am aware of here that I actually might almost know.
My story:
I grew up in Idaho, lived in the same area until I was 19, got married, earned a degree, had a baby, husband joined the military, had another baby, earned another degree, became a nurse, moved all over the country, and am currently about to have another baby. And move again.
I’ve always been a feminist but I used to be a lot more closed-minded about things, especially when it came to religion, although I struggled a lot with things that just never really made sense to me, but I ignored those feelings. But it is hard to develop a relationship with God when your blocking instead of trying to understand the truth of things. So then we moved to the other side of the country and I became a nurse which was completely a life-changing experience for me because it opened my eyes to other cultures and beliefs and suffering and pain and beauty and all those things I had been ignoring for so long. My struggles are different now, but they seem more real and I’m grateful for that.
I found FMH because of my brother. And I do love it here because it makes me think and question and find new perspectives that I had never considered before. And for the most part, it has been a supportive experience. I can come here to discuss things without being told to repent like I often am when I discuss with family/friends. So thank you.
Comment by jen — July 11, 2009 @ 4:58 pm
I’m sure you mean Paris, MO - which is only about 70 miles from my new town. I’m SO there!
Comment by Ray — July 11, 2009 @ 5:42 pm
jen #285: Yes!!! (Well, at least you got the initials right, so I’m assuming we’re from the same neighborhood at the same time.) Okay, now I need to know who you are. You mean someone else escaped with the ability to think outside the box?
Where are you now? Are you on facebook? I still show up on a search under my maiden name.
Comment by that1girl — July 11, 2009 @ 7:18 pm
#278 mfranti: I guess I was wrong.
Thanks for your kind words!
Comment by SLK in SF — July 11, 2009 @ 8:57 pm
“You mean there are Mormon women on the Internet telling Poop stories? How cool is that?” Oh yes. We are that cool
Comment by StillConfused — July 11, 2009 @ 9:35 pm
twinmomnc #284 - You didn’t sound weird at all. I’m always flattered when someone likes what I have to say. I understand the “crush” thing. I have one on Quimby and mfranti and Derek and Lisa, and a few others around here, too.
And, incidentally, if you’re ever looking for a really cool group of online twin parents, let me know…
Comment by Lorian — July 11, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
I would like a Seattle snacker, however I will only be in the area until August.
Comment by shannon — July 11, 2009 @ 9:52 pm
Is that bad?
Comment by Mike H. — July 11, 2009 @ 10:17 pm
mfranti 270
thanks for the welcome .i always felt it would be a little like crashing the party to start commenting here,also i am an apallingly slow ,luddite ,one fingered typist and it would take me hours to make a contribution . but i do like to follow the discussions ,both humorous and serious , perhaps having taken the plunge[first ever post on a blog of any kind] i might “have a go”[Quimby will understand what i mean.] another time
thank s again ,peter
Comment by peter — July 12, 2009 @ 12:16 am
that1girl: My Maternal Grandmother had all kinds of miscarriage problems, due to Vitamin B-12 deficiency (an unknown Vitamin at the time), to the point that some well meaning, but meddling, sisters in her Ward took her aside, and told her exactly HOW to get pregnant. At least she laughed it off.
I heard a VERY similar comment from a woman that used to be my Supervisor, something about not liking working with other women because of “women and their moods”. My 2 sister had PMS really BAD, and so, my daughter also got the gene for it. All 3 of them would into what I call the “fix it with a baseball bat mode”. I know women often feel crummy before they start, but those 3 made me concerned.
wayfarer: Get tested for sleep apnea. It can cause some of those problems.
Mary Magdalene: I’ve only blacked out twice: During my wisdom teeth removal in twilight sleep, and when I was watched the Doctor probe around in a deep cut I had. My ONLY overt drug abuse attempt was using the max dose of a codeine based cough syrup once as a teen, it wasn’t my prescription. I felt sooo trashed the next day, I wasn’t doing that again. I will take a vicodin now, if any is around, when I get a cluster headache, but the Docs have given me MUCH stronger stuff than that for it before.
Peter: I have become a hunt & peck typist. Maybe Quimby can dictate for you.
Ramble done.
Comment by Mike H. — July 12, 2009 @ 12:59 am
What a great idea, it’s been fun reading all the intros.
I stumbled upon fMh while researching for a seminary class I was teaching. When I saw the title of the site after I googled, it made me laugh and I had to check it out. I had no idea that I’d been led to a new home- now I’m usually daily visitor.
I love the open discourse- I like to challenge my beliefs and paradigms. I’m equally thrilled when I figure out I’ve got something wrong as I am when I become more firm in a cherished concept. I also love to discover why people believe what they do- I don’t have to agree at all, I just like to understand and I find it fascinating to hear all sides of an argument…something I have often found lacking at church.
I’m a convert- 15 1/2 years ago. I’m currently active, have been various levels of active over the years and have considered leaving a number of times. Prop 8 bothered me a lot…not what individuals believe, but imposing religious constraints in the civic venue happens to be a hot button with me.
I’m former Army and currently a critical care nurse in both medical and cardiac specialties- love working per diem. I work nights to be at home with the youngest, but discovered a long time ago that I couldn’t be happy if I wasn’t working outside the home at least part time.
I’m addicted to community service and enjoy donating tutoring and nursing hours to veterans, youth groups, grief support groups, addiction/recovery groups and HIV/AIDS projects. I like being a part of anything that contributes to the health and well-being of those in need- partly because it helps me too. There were people in my early life who stepped in and took an interest in me when life was very hard. I know first hand what that can do for a person and I like the feeling I get when I give back what was generously given to me.
When I label myself at all, which I avoid, I identify as a humanist. I don’t like to leave anyone out.
Comment by Kimberly — July 12, 2009 @ 7:48 am
Mike H. #292
Your response “Is that bad?” to this statement made me smile.
“FMH is somewhat permissive on letting alternate points of view on the blog.”
If FMH didn’t “allow” alternatative points of view, we would have to change our blogsite title to:
Feminist Mormon Housewimps.
Comment by Jo — July 12, 2009 @ 10:45 am
Dang, that lack of spellcheck here - I meant “alternative”.
Comment by Jo — July 12, 2009 @ 10:48 am
How did you find fMh?
-I don’t remember how, but it was several years ago–before the Beck brouhaha.
Sorry I’m late to the party, but here goes:
Why do you participate here?
-I don’t participate as much as lurk. I enjoy the conversation–even when I don’t agree.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery.
-More Mormons should be feminists.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am a 31, married to a woman I’ve known since we were both 13. We are the parents of two living children. We grew up in Utah county, both the product of very conservative walked-across-the-plains Mormon families. I am pursuing a PhD in clinical psychology in south Florida.
I was your traditional RM Mormon boy until I was introduced first to feminism and then to queer theory while attending UVSC (now UVU) as an English major. Stupid English professors had to push me to explore outside my comfort zone….Now here I am the only Democrat in a huge family of Republicans. Needless to say, we don’t discuss politics much when we visit family…
Comment by Ender2k — July 12, 2009 @ 12:57 pm
well, I’m lisa. I didn’t find fMh, but I really needed it. So I made it.
I participated here for a lot of reasons, it started out as a desperate attempt to express the copious crap in my head that no one I knew IRL seemed to care about. I call it my mind vomit (aka: the lisa show). I didn’t expect but a few freaks and weirdos to read it or care, but expressing myself copiously seems to be one of my basic needs.
It evolved however into a community. In many ways it’s my most real community, all my best friends and the coolest people I’ve ever had the privilege to know, I’ve met on fMh. And I’m not just saying that to kiss all your butts, see, ya’ll are cool, and partly that’s cause you think I’m cool for sure, but also it’s because you like to talk about the stuff I like to talk about and you do it intelligently and kindly and with great humor and love.
I also participate because it’s very personally fulfilling to me. (me me me) I can’t really express what I mean without sounding like a big self-absorbed sap, but since I’m all about the honesty here goes, this whole thread is wonderful to me. It make me feel so validated and happy to know that I started something good here, something that means more than just a website to so many, and has helped and entertained and supported and informed the coolest people in the world. How can I not be proud of that, it makes me feel really good about me and that’s not always easy because I find very little in my life as a SAHM that validates me and I’m needy and I’ve got many genuinely ugly flaws (including being self-absorbed, occasionally tactless, unattractively needy, abysmally disorganized, and often quite lazy).
And sometimes I participate here because I feel obligated. Community service, of a sort. Sometimes I’m tired or sick or mean or lazy or busy and keeping the blog up feels a bit like a burden, but (like my kids) it’s a burden that I love dearly. So if any of you a want to help by submitting guest posts, or volunteering to do guest stints, I’d greatly appreciate it. It can be good for you too, it’s a good way to find friends and challenge your beliefs.
As to feminism, I think we’ve come a long way baby. But I still think we’ve got a long way to go, but I’m hopefully. I see the changes made over the last fifty years (or 150 if you wanna go all they way back to Sennica Falls) to have been amazing and speedy in the long view, and by in large, they have been good changes.
I think the next big challenge for feminism is going to be what I think of as Motherhood Feminism (or even Parenting Feminism). By most indicators of equity, most women who do not have children are almost there. It’s the (vast majority) of women who do become mothers who are still lagging so far behind. If we truly value women then the solution is not to disparage or discourage motherhood, because most women truly want to be mothers, but neither is it to glorify mother’s day motherhood with empty praise while real motherhood puts us in very real financial and emotional and actuational disadvantage. That as I see it is the next big challenge that feminism faces, and if feminism doesn’t tackle these motherhood problems head on, then I think it is going to continue to be disparaged and dismissed and seen as something that we are “post”.
As to Mormonism, I’m in favor. I still get antsy in church, I still don’t feel a lot of connection to my ward, I still have issues with certain currently accepted doctrines and practices. But I love the Gospel, and I think church is in the end good for me and good for my family. So I plug away.
As to Huswiffery. I’m ambivalent. I think it’s not a good fit for most people. I think we’d be better off as families and as a culture if systems could be set up so that bread winning and home making and childrearing were shared more equally between partners, so that everyone regardless of gender has a chance to spend days playing with children (or punishing them) and volunteering in schools (or homeschooling) and attending baseball games (or kid yoga lessons), and everyone has a chance to earn a paycheck and get promotions endure the joys and horrors of working for the man (or not working for the man) and everyone cleans toilets and washes door knobs and cooks dinner. But then this is probably crazy out of touch utopian me getting away from myself.
And who am I? Well if you’ve been reading the blog you probably know far more about me than you ever wanted. but how about I ramble on for awhile eh?
I recently cut my hair. It has a tendency to get very big.
I love to dance. And I love love love danceable music of just about any variety. If I don’t dance a lot I go a little insane. Be very afraid.
I have three children who are very tolerant of my foibles, and a dh who is the best man ever invented. Also he’s dead sexy and he likes to drive which is good since I hate to drive and now that I think about it that is a strange combination to put in the same sentence. Our cars are paid for, our house is smallish, we have two dogs, money is tight, I need to think about making some money soon so that we stop going into debt and stuff, so I think I want to be a writer of fluff (I’d be fine being Steven King or Nora Roberts or John Grisham), but then who doesn’t want that? So maybe I need to get a real job.
I’m recently obsessed with watching TV dvds from the library, and since I don’t watch any actual TV it’s all new to me. I fell in love with Buffy and all things Whedon, I’m a fan of most of the HBO stuff which means I’ve become desensitized to the F word– what is up with HBO and that word anyway? Also Pushing Daisies, Dexter, Weeds, The Riches, The Daily Show (on my new friend Hulu) and yes Battlestar Galactica rocks.
I love to read. Constantly chipping away at a strange combination of classics, non-fiction and trash.
I recently decided that I’m a domestic goddess, I love to garden and bottle, and I’m a good cook (my quiche kicks Artemis’ quiche’s sorry behind), I can sew most anything usually without a pattern, I make crazy cool Halloween costumes, I can knit and crochet, and paint, and I have a flair for decorating, and despite my constant whining, my home is usually comfortably clean and presentable (though the kitchen floor really is a shameful horror show), I like to cut really intricate snowflakes out of paper. When i travel I collect patches and sew them on my backpack. I have a strange patch obsession.
I vomit a lot due to idiopathic gastroparesis, also, I can’t (well I shouldn’t) eat whole grains or most fruits and veggies. Yes that is the weirdest saddest thing ever. Weep for me! I also lay around moaning a lot, and bore all my friends by telling them all the time how sick I am, I really need to stop that. I’ll be totally intolerable soon.
I live in Boise Idaho and I get together with my fMh friends here all the freakin’ time, so you eastern Idahoans, you should email me and you can join us. We do Buffy buffets,and meet to dunk the kids at the beaches, and sometimes we pawn off the kids and go to lunch, and we go to book club at spuds house every month. Good times!
Longest Comment Ever? I win.
Comment by fmhLisa — July 12, 2009 @ 2:07 pm
I like your idea of Motherhood Feminism, Lisa. I could get on board with that.
Comment by Stephanie — July 12, 2009 @ 2:12 pm
“How did you find fMh?” Probably through T&S, very early on when you were still in hot pink, Sumer was a perma, and your only tagline was “angry activists with diapers to change.”
“Why do you participate here?” I have your posts in my RSS feed, and you’re one of the few blogs I still “go to,” but I don’t participate much any more. Mormon stuff makes me tired.
“Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)” Feminism is the outrageous idea that women are fully human and autonomous. Mormonism makes me tired. A clean house is the sign of a wasted life. (That’s the tag line for my avatar at NOM.)
“And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.” I’m 49, married, with two adult children, one tween child, and three grandchildren. I’m employed full-time by a software company in my home town, but work from home near the Louisiana Gulf Coast. I was a convert at 26 and struggled with my faith for several years beginning about six years ago. I had a brief renewal in practice a couple of years ago, largely thanks to the bloggernacle, but it didn’t really stick and I pretty much stopped going to church after prop 8 passed (though the newly mandated 9:00 start time, even though we are the only ward in our building, certainly contributed to my most current bout of inactivity.) In the words of Olympia Dukakis in a really trite movie, “I love Lisa more than I love my luggage.”
Comment by Ann — July 12, 2009 @ 2:26 pm
and since lisa was being honest about her need for validation, i thought i should say that all of you that have shared a bit about yourselves and mentioned what a great idea this was…
thank you. i almost deleted this thread within the first 20 minutes.
Comment by mfranti — July 12, 2009 @ 2:36 pm
Well, Mel, a thread with over 300 posts doesn’t sound like a flop! It was a great idea.
Comment by Kimberly — July 12, 2009 @ 3:33 pm
Mel: I’ve noticed on most of the Boards I’ve been active on, like the soda (Bevnet) one, the Outdoor siren one (I said I was slightly different), and others, that introduction topics were a BIG hit, and helps any board down the road.
Lisa: That reminds me of a book my wife got when she was a young teen. It basically told YW that was to be their purpose in life! But, you seem to be well rounded (no, not a weight comment!) in what you do.
Feminist Mormon Housewimps.
Jo: Yes, I knew that saying “Is that bad?” would be view as insolent by those that don’t like FMH, so that’s why I said it. On the pipeline safety blog I’m on, there’s hundreds of pro-industry, it’s perfectly safe as it is, lurkers. I think some of them are changing their opinion of us pro-safety types, and I do throw in little “wake up” comments like that one.
There’s some seriously good thinkers on here.
Comment by Mike H. — July 12, 2009 @ 4:32 pm
that1girl: My Maternal Grandmother had all kinds of miscarriage problems, due to Vitamin B-12 deficiency (an unknown Vitamin at the time).
You should try to have your genome analyzed for something called an “MTHFR” result. There are two mutations that are common, one is C677T (especially those of Celtic descent, 30%), the other, A1298C comes from Danish, English and other Northern European areas. They interfere with folic acid production and are easily addressed by perscription folic acid “Deplin” and B-12, usually shots, if you are not squemish or the sublingual B-12 works for some. If your maternal grandmother had miscarriage problems, and was B-12 deficient, and was pale, tending to run slightly anemic, tired easily, she fits the criteria. Also, if you are trying to have a baby, it is really important as there is a relationship to significantly higher rates of spina bifida. I know I gave this advice previously, so my apologies for providing it again. It is just such an easy test and easy fix.
Comment by Jo — July 12, 2009 @ 5:36 pm
Mike H. #304, my comment was an affirmation for FMH and the rationale that we allow discussion of alternative points of view.
I think yours was also meant as a positive.
If FMH didn’t “allow” alternatative points of view, we would have to change our blogsite title to:
Feminist Mormon Housewimps.
Comment by Jo — July 12, 2009 @ 5:55 pm
Jo: My Grandmother has been dead for 30 years, but she had pernicious anemia from the B-12 problem. She had English, Danish, and Manx (Celt influence) ancestors, so that adds up. My mother had the B-12 shots for a number of years.
I didn’t have any problems with this issue, but thanks for the info.
Comment by Mike H. — July 12, 2009 @ 5:59 pm
Yes, what I said was meaning to be positive of the group. I quoted that in support of what you said, Jo. Sorry if I mangled that.
I was thinking about alternative views last night. If there was no alternative views, then there would have been no Magna Charta. There would have been no Reformation. There would have been no American Revolution. Many inventions would have not have been made, as shown by a comments of a US Patent Office agent, who said in the 1800’s that “Everything that could be useful has already been invented”. I’m glad many inventors after that did not go along with that statement, like Bell, Maxwell, Edison, Marconi, Steinmetz, the Wright Bros., etc.
Comment by Mike H. — July 12, 2009 @ 6:10 pm
I am SO late to the party (been gone all weekend), but I’ll play:
I’m Shelah. I found fMh when Janet started blogging here (when was that? 2006?) and then became a perma myself after a guest blogging stint in the spring of 2008. So I’ve been around a little bit more than a year.
I’m definitely a Mormon and a housewife. I’m also a convert, a mom of four, a former New Englander, a runner, an ardent Democrat, a sometimes writer, and a lover of good books, potty humor, the gospel, Mormon culture and BYU. I’m not always sure that I’m a Feminist, but I’m definitely a feminist, especially when it comes to empowering women.
I participate here because I love the idea that we can be “feminist and faithful” and that fMh can be a safe place to talk about difficult issues or go into topics in greater depth I typically do with friends and ward members.
Now I have to go read the other 300+ responses.
Comment by Shelah — July 12, 2009 @ 7:40 pm
Long weekend, very ‘tardy to the party’ but a chance to introduce myself nonetheless! I am a long time listener first time caller. I have been reading posts for some time and now atlast have more time to comment, Yippe!
I first stumbled onto this site doing some research, as a grad assistant, on feminism. I am not mormon, or a housewife. However, long after my research was compiled I kept coming back to read the posts. I just love hearing the voices of other women who have so much to say! It really wasn’t until I was in college for the second time around, that I realized “feminist” is not a dirty word.If you have compassion in your body and in your soul for the human race in general, you are a feminist!
About me:
I am always moving, physically and geographically a busy body, I love the outdoors! I am a wife, a momma,daughter, sister, love people but animals more, a big foodie, a bookworm…
I have to say this blog totally breaks the mold as to what a “traditional Mormon woman” is.Bravo!
Comment by Travelin' pants — July 12, 2009 @ 10:28 pm
Welcome Traveling Pants. so glad you stopped by to make yourself known.
p.s. i love to hear when non-lds people read and love the site.
shelah, you are not late to the party. we’ve been all waiting around ’til you showed up.
Comment by mfranti — July 12, 2009 @ 11:11 pm
Speaking of people we’re still waiting for, where is Not Ophelia? Her post first brought me here. I’d love to know more about her.
Comment by Natalie K. — July 13, 2009 @ 12:24 am
It’s been 3 1/2 years that I’ve been on FMH, I think. With a name like “TAG” (I’m studying to be a talented and gifted teacher - graduate this December, yah!) it’s hard to do a search for my own comments. I found it through Ethesis’ blog, which I found after reading a book about weight loss which he blogs about. I did a guest post in December 2007 about some issues, and it’d been some time before that.
So much has changed. My brother died, homeless and schizophrenic while in the custody of the LAPD, in a coma for more than a month, never the same story from the cops, with injuries quite reminiscent of someone who had the crap beat out of him. Then my sister got leukemia and died. Then my dad got cancer (treatable, not curable). In the middle of all this, my ward sucked, my politics changed back to my previous liberal viewpoint so that made going to church even worse, and I eventually quit going to church at all. I started going to the UU church but this congregation anyway isn’t terribly friendly, but at least they never pretended to be. I haven’t been to the LDS church in over a year and the only tie I’ve had to it is FMH. I used to read other blogs but this one is it now. I did read Lisa’s post a little ways up and I’m glad to know you are proud of yourself! You should be! What a great thing you’ve done here. I just know if I had one of you in my ward (okay, and we knew about each other), I’d still be going to church.
But then yesterday I got a call from this guy from our old ward who apparently didn’t get the memo that we’re inactive. He wanted to talk to my husband but he’s out of town and so I asked if I could help him and he said maybe, and then he said this quote and wanted to know if I knew who said it, was it Brother Joseph or Brother Brigham? I said it was Brigham Young but he should check online for sure. Oh he had, he couldn’t find it. It’s one of those controversial quotes that we talk about on the bloggernacle so I suggested he go further than the church website. I said, “Yeah there’s lots of Mormon websites out there, called blogs.” “Really??” Maybe I’ve lead him on a path where he doesn’t want to go - learning things he didn’t know he didn’t know.
ANYWAY, I called me stake president who is a friend and asked him if he put this guy up to this and he hadn’t. But through that conversation, I’m taking my 12-year old to church on Wed. for scouts. I know he’s hopeful it will turn into something else, and who knows. It seems that too much has happened. I could always pretend that the church really cared about me and would be there for me when the going went tough until they didn’t. Nobody gives a rat’s ass. And I know that that isn’t the reason to go to church, but then I started looking closer at the doctrine and my own history in the church and it doesn’t seem worth the bother. But for now, scouts.
Oh about me - I’ll be married 20 years this year but we married young. I am finally graduating from college! I have to study for my GRE and knock on wood will start graduate school for library science in January. I have five kids and the oldest is going off to college next month. I was a SAHM until four years ago and then I got a job as a secretary (120 wpm typing has always helped me find work when I needed it, just like my typing teacher predicted) but I’m quitting at the end of July to student teach. I’m afraid of not having a paycheck as my husband does self-employed carpentry work. I think America’s health insurance system sucks. I like to read and make baskets and sometimes cook but mostly since I’ve been in college it’s textbooks and no hobbies and for dinner it’s every man for himself. That’s not very nice to end on, so I’ll say I do have great naturally curly hair and yeah, I type fast, but I hope I also type well when it’s 1:30 in the morning. (I have work in the morning and should be in bed but my dh is out of town and I had to milk the goats and fell asleep and then got up at 11:30 to do so. The goats weren’t happy about it because there was a gully washer this morning and there’s a leak in the barn so it was muddy right where they had to walk. Yuck. Wet goats smell really bad, fyi.)
Comment by TAG — July 13, 2009 @ 1:43 am
Hi TAG.I give a rat’s ass if you’re in or out,but only because I think there may be greater peace for you in.I’ve found,over time,there are lurkers in many wards,they just need someone to give them permission to be themselves.I so wish there was a woman like you in my ward,I think you may have saved me from myself several times over,although i really,really hate the smell of wet goats so we’d have to do something about that.Had very little real response to my family’s sickness in the ward here,and little to no help,although people have been sweet when i have been able to make church ocassionally.Sometimes wonder what I was doing all those years,but then again,life’s hard for us all.Another bit I’m going to have to get over.I feel more than ever we have to concentrate on being a friends-I think that’s the graduate program.Some want that,some don’t.My guess is,that you held your nose and milked the goats anyway.
Comment by wayfarer — July 13, 2009 @ 4:31 am
Doubt if anyone’s still reading by now, but felt compelled to chime in.
Found fMh back in ‘04 I think, from some woman’s blog that I often debated politically that had snarky things to say about this site, so I was naturally curious. Hooked immediately.
Nice to find others in the Church who don’t belong to the Meridian Magazine Mindset (M3). To use a Utah Radio metaphor, fMh is the KRCL of the radio-bloggernacle; a little something for everyone.
I offended several right off with my uber-liberal political rants, and while I’m still trying to forgive those of you that kept Bush and Co. in office for 8 way too long years, I’ve learned to temper that a bit and focus on more important things, like getting through a tough divorce and find myself in the most awesome relationship-turned-marriage with an old flame from the other side of the Atlantic.
I’m actively working on a book about reconciling evolution with the Creation with my dad, and finding time to do that isn’t helped by often spending too much time here! Sigh.
I also have a long-standing virtual crush on most of the permas here. Thanks for tolerating me off and on for a while!
Comment by Rich — July 13, 2009 @ 7:20 am
Wow, thanks wayfarer. I’m going off to work but I’m going to think about that all day.
Comment by TAG — July 13, 2009 @ 7:44 am
How did you find fMh? I was reading the liberal mormon blog and followed a link to here.
Why do you participate here? I don’t feel so alone in my beliefs here.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m Flo, I was semi-raised LDS. My parents were not very active at all for the first 14 years of my life. My father was abusive and my mother was a doormat with no self esteem. My mother cheated on my father and they ran to the church and became super Mormons all of the sudden.
I had decided at 17 that I was done with the church, at 18, after a life changing incident I came back.
I met my husband my freshman year of college and we did the thing I swore I wouldn’t do for 10 more years, we got married. Not only married but I ended up pregnant 2 months later. My husband joined the military and we moved many times over the next 10 years. We now have 3 boys, one with autism.
We now reside in Utah while my spouse finally puts the finishing touches on his degree. He transferred to the guard. I have never lived in Utah before and after a year of being here find myself still in culture shock.
I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. The church is different here. In our branch in Florida we had a saying the numbers are weak but the spirit is strong, in Utah it feels the exact opposite. I sit in lessons and get nothing out of them, or I have become so cynical I pick apart the inaccuracies I find. I have been in our new ward for over two months now and still no one knows who I am. I have really struggled with my testimony here, more so than any other place. I have learned that I cannot rely upon Church for spiritual upliftment, that I have to take it completely into my own hands. I miss the extended family feel that came with Church outside of Utah, here it feels like everyone is Mormon so no one cares.
This didn’t turn out quite how I wanted it to, but it feels good to get it out. I am very grateful for this place, I feel like I am not alone, that there are other like-minded people out there.
Comment by Flo — July 13, 2009 @ 7:48 am
I think that this site is great.
In the words of Ali G, “Yo, Check it. One in two peoples in the country are woman.”
That is why i am a feminist. I do not however assign the rest of that interview to a progressive look at women.
Comment by Sam Sneed — July 13, 2009 @ 8:20 am
Hi everybody!
This is Mara, from Madrid, Spain.
How did you find fMh? I really cant remember how I found fMh, I think it was almost 3 years ago,one day that I was looking for liberal mormon sites, and I saw a blog that had a link to fMh.
Why do you participate here? Actually, I dont participate very much, I think this is my first comment here, but I read it almost everyday. I dont participate very much, cause, usually, I dont have anything new to say, because someone has said exactly what I wanted to say, with better words (I understand english very well, and I can speak it fluently, but writing it has never been one of my skills). I do read it everyday, even though I dont comment, because it is a place where I can see that it is posible to be acive in the LDS church, and fight for everybody´s rights at the same time, or to be a faithful member and also believe that some church policies need to change.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) When someone asks me who am I, I usually dont describe myself as a “feminist”, but I guess my opinions about some topics, and my actions reveal very clearly that I am a feminst at heart, cause I have always believe in equal rights, and try to fight for them (not only for women, but for all minorities).
About mormonism: I am a convert, I was baptized when I was 20, and I was very active my first years, but 5 years ago I became inactive, cause I had (and I still have) some doubts about the church doctrine, and I disagree with some church policies about gay people, or the role of women , and I didnt feel confortable being that different from the people in my ward (you may think that Spain is a very liberal country, and thats right, but the LDS church is the same all around the world, and most of the people in my ward think I am weird cause I am 34, single, living by myself, and I say in public that I am not sure if I wanted to have kids).
This last year,I have started to read the BOM again, and pray about it (although I am inactive, I never stop praying, because Our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, praying, and the gospel are still very imposrtant for me), to read Conference talks, and I even went to church 3 or 4 times), cause something inside me tells me that I needed to do it, but the answers havent come yet, I keep trying though, and reading fMh helps a lot too, because it shows me that I am not hipocritical if I am an active meber and I have the ideas that I have about some topics, it helps me to feel that I am not alone, and that the change is posible someday.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am 34, single, living in Madrid, Spain. I have a degree in business administration, and a master degree in Human Resources, I work in the training department of a big company, and I love my job.I love rading, writing, threater, movies, music, and having a good time with my friends and family.
In my free time, I volunteer in an organization that helps inmigrants here in Madrid to have a better life, specially women from Middle East, Morocco and South America, they are huge examples for me, I learn a lot from them, and I love them a lot.
And thats all,sorry for my mistakes in english and THANKS , to all of you, for being such a great people.
Comment by Mara — July 13, 2009 @ 11:46 am
Mara - so glad to hear from you! We’re planning a FMH Paris Snacker: Women of September. We’re looking at meeting sometime between 17-24 September in Paris. Probably sit in a cafe and talk away the afternoon. Please check comment #276 for an email address. Will post details here and on FB.
So glad to hear from Flo and TAG.
Monday’s are awesome to me.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 13, 2009 @ 12:09 pm
Late To The Game
How I found fMh:
I’ve been reading fMh since 2005 when I had my baby. (Countless hours of nursing spent reading back posts!) If I had to guess, I’d say I probably found it through misfitmormons over at Livejournal. I almost never comment (and usually not with the same name) because I write incredibly slowly. By the time I’ve formulated a comment I’m happy with the topic has already been well discussed.
Why I participate:
I keep coming back because the posts are about topics that matter to me. I am endlessly fascinated by the relationship between women and religion. I also keep coming back because I love differences. I love different opinions; I love different kinds of people. Since I’ve always lived in Mormon-dominant areas where, in my experience, differences are most often met with scorn and fear, I’ve needed to find an outlet. Especially since becoming a stay at home mom.
Feminism:
I am sorely under-educated on all the different kinds and “waves” of feminism. All I know is that my earliest education taught me to be suspicious of stereotypes and the words “always” and “never”. As a very young woman, I tortured my Merrie Miss and YW leaders with my resistance to all things Molly. Around 16, I mellowed out for a few years, but it didn’t take long to have my nagging questions return. (I was endowed at 18 and my mantra for a few years was “it’s just an organizational technique! it’s just an organizational technique.)
Mormonism:
I suppose I could be considered “semi-active”. I don’t mind milking a hard pregnancy as an excuse to not go to church. I haven’t had a calling in several months and I dread what I like to call the Jospeh-Smith-Worship-Hour. I think I believe the basic Gospel, but I don’t appreciate all the extra crap that needs to be wiped away to get to it. Mostly, I am just really tired of being told what to do all the time. I am a deeply ethical person, and it turns out the checklists have very little to do with that.
Housewifery:
Well, I am a housewife. My husband still participates quite a bit in housework and childcare. I’ve learned to not mind dishes in the sink for a few days in exchange for not having to do them myself. Overall, I am pretty happy with how we share the work, but I would be happier if my husband “noticed” more things. I try to not resent being the one who must notice the dirt.
About Me:
I am a SAHM in my late twenties. I allegedly look a lot younger than my age and I hate it when people makes comments about how old I appear. I live in Utah County. I have a four year old and am about 10 weeks pregnant. Even though we’ve been trying hard for a year to get pregnant again, we’re feeling a lot of ambivalence about having another child (for a lot of reasons frequently discussed here and a few more for fun!). I have a chronic illness that annoys me, but that has been managed pretty well for the past year or so through my love of yoga. I have a degree from BYU in Marriage, Family, and Human Development. While it may sound fluffy (and trust me, a few of the classes really were! *cough, cough* “Family Proclamation” class), it gave me a nice wide base for understanding philosophy, theories of development, research methods, and how to read academic journals. I think no one should be allowed out of college without a solid understanding of how to interpret research reported in the news.
I’d love to go back to school someday to become a physical therapist. I was in several car accidents the year my daughter was born and yoga and physical therapy changed my life. I’d love to combine the two to help others. I am also crazy in love with plants. I’d love to move to Denver and work for the botanical garden there.
I love history a little too much and had to make myself stop reading Mormon history because it makes me too mad.
I really do like people, but find it hard (in Utah County, anyway) to get them to like me back. I feel like my jeans and plain t-shirt approach turns a lot of women (again, in Utah County, anyway) off to me and I am not sure why. I don’t know if they think I am a slob and therefore we must not have much in common or if they assume I judge them for their efforts, or maybe some combination. Maybe I am just not good enough at getting people to break past small talk (which I fail at) to more complicated subjects. If I can ever get over my yard-and-food-storage-in-the-dining-room-shame, I’d love to host a Utah County get together and/or fMh bookgroup.
Comment by Kristen — July 13, 2009 @ 12:56 pm
Oh! And I forgot to mention we have a big garden and four beautiful Rhode Island Red hens.
Comment by Kristen — July 13, 2009 @ 1:12 pm
Way late to the game on this one, but the baby’s been sick, and I’ve been playing catch up with work…
How did you find fMh? Through the BUST article, although I may have actually found it briefly before then from a link from another site, but I can’t quite recall… I lurked off and on since then, and added fMh to my homepage/tabs that automatically open up when I go online last summer, in the midst of pregnancy. I still don’t comment much, but I read every post, and nearly every comment. I’d say this is one of my online communities, although I’m pretty marginal here…
Why do you participate here? Because the topics/conversations are interesting, even though I’m only in 1 out of the 3 categories in the name (feminist, but not Mormon nor a housewife, unless by the latter is meant that I participate in domestic and childcare labor).
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) — as a sorta lapsed Unitarian, religion in general has always interested me, even if I basically no longer partake. As a sociologist, I often take one of Buffy’s quotations to heart: “Note to self: Religion, freaky.” I was raised a feminist by both parents, and have self-identified as such since age 8, taking on the formal theoretical stance of a black feminist while in grad school. Playing with and caring for my baby is awesome, I like cooking and have been known to find the zen in cleaning, but man am I glad my spouse is a 50+ percentage parent and domestic laborer.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I’m a married, nearly-40 year old biracial African American sociologist with a nearly 10-month old son. Media junkie (which includes print, TV, radio, film, internet, and arts of various kinds). I’m exhausted but happy, and I need another cup of coffee before I get back to writing a book chapter that’s due in a month and a half. Please baby, kick this ear infection so we don’t have another 2 weeks out of daycare.
Comment by SarahNicole — July 14, 2009 @ 11:02 am
How did you find fMh? My friend annegb blogs over at Mormon Mentality and there was a bit of a confrontation between her and a girl in my ward so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and started commenting over there. Someone mentioned FMH on a blog post, being new to the ‘nacle I asked what that was and they directed me here. I think queno told me to stay away. At first I thought he was serious, but now have realized the joke. I got hooked. I was a little judgmental at first, got asked to guest post in May of last year. Fell in love with fmhlisa– had it out with Quimby (which I totally adore, now)–want to marry mfranti, want to be as smart as all the smart people that post– and, basically just love it here!
Why do you participate here? Because it’s different, and challenging, and thought provoking, and.. like Steve (I think) said a little poopy, and I love it!
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) They are all jumbled… when I figure it out I will let you know.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I am Sunshine– I have 3 beautiful kids with a number 4 on the way. I live in Southern Utah, love the gospel of Christ, and strive everyday to be a better person–which may or may not happen. I love to read, play the piano, watch tv, have just realized how consumerism is running my life, but alas, much like Quimby I love fashion–and bags–and shoes– and anything that makes me look H.O.T! I like to garden in the morning or evening but never when it’s hot. I hate the heat (yes Southern Utah is hot, but I live in the cooler place of Southern Utah). I have a certificate in Reflexology, have birthed my 3 kids at home and love nutrition and self healing, and one day aspire to be a perma…
Comment by Sunshine — July 14, 2009 @ 5:46 pm
Awesome Sarah Nicole and Sunshine! (just wanted to reassure you that people were still reading.) Now, where is Not Ophelia?
Comment by crazywomancreek — July 14, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
thanks cwc… I was talking to mfranti earlier on fb and she twisted my arm and made me comment… okay, so not really twisted more like…”hey you need to post something” and me, because I love talking about myself, thought ya I should because really what would FMH do without a comment from Sunshine? I mean, it’s like the show isn’t over until the fat lady sings… or Sunshine comments…(which if I really think about that, might actually be more of an insult to me than a compliment…not that I am fat like that fat lady, but…gosh, what if the show really ends because I made a comment..
*shrug*) Don’t mind me..I tend to ramble and make horrible jokes… 
Comment by Sunshine — July 14, 2009 @ 8:18 pm
The fat lady doesn’t have to be fat, Sunshine, honey. Deborah Voigt got fired for being too fat. Now she’s skinny. And she still sings.
Comment by Shelah — July 14, 2009 @ 8:23 pm
Believe me, Sunshine, you have no monopoly on that!
Comment by Mike H. — July 14, 2009 @ 8:43 pm
Shelah, right…. right…
Mike H: no but I own a majority of the stock!! Which, I have some shares for sale if anyone feels a need to purchase… costs mere pennies and the return is exceptional…
Comment by Sunshine — July 14, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
I found you all today when I went looking for some advice on my teenagers from people that have kids older than toddlers. All the other blogs I’ve read are run by young moms with little kids, and they just can’t relate to my kids’ problems with drugs or trying to keep them from having sex. Heck, you can’t even say ’sex’ on some of those other ones! So that’s why I’m participating here.
My definition of feminism is acknowledgement that women are at least as important as men- that we basically make the world spin and we deserve to be appreciated. I don’t think feminism and mormonism are mutually exclusive. My opinion is that men get the priesthood because there’s no way they would’ve been able to handle giving birth. It was their consolation prize. I wish I had something nice to say about housewifery, but that part of the job sucks, and I’m waiting to become rich so I can hire it out. I’m pretty sure the reason I’ll never be rich is because I’d just as soon hire someone to guide my kids through teen-agery so that once they get to the other side they can’t blame me for anything. ha. Like it’s possible to slip out of the blame for all our kids problems!
I have 4 teenagers- 2 boys, 2 girls, and this week they’ve made me well aware that they are, in fact, teenagers.
The good news this week is that the two youngest are going on Trek for 4 days and my house will be blissfully quiet since the older kids are working. My husband and I were both laid off from our jobs in February so we’re both looking for work. He’s a carpenter and i’m a copywriter. We’re in the seattle area, so if you know anyone…hey, it never hurts to put it out there!
I’m looking forward to reading everyone’s insights!
Comment by Julie — July 15, 2009 @ 1:50 am
That’s why I’m glad there’s thread like “Teaching your Daughters to be rude”, that went from protecting little girls, to ideas to protect big girls as well. I don’t think the blogs I’ve seen at fMh are too graphic.
Sometimes, the LDS views towards sex reminds me of the Calvin Grondahl cartoon, where 2 boys aged about 10 are skateboarding, and one says to the other “And Dad said sex isn’t secret; It’s sacred, and talking about it makes your Mother faint”. Which is truthful, since my Mother gets shocked when my 45 year old Brother uses the proper anatomy names.
I agree, and I’m a male.
Carpentry has basically dried up here in Silicon Valley, and I’m not sure if copywriters have any demand.
Comment by Mike H. — July 15, 2009 @ 3:57 am
re: 308 - Mike H “a comments of a US Patent Office agent who said in the 1800’s that “Everything that could be useful has already been invented”. I’m glad many inventors after that did not go along with that statement, like Bell, Maxwell, Edison, Marconi, Steinmetz, the Wright Bros., etc.”
Yea! Or such useful things as DUCT TAPE, Tampons, Bandaids with cute animals on them (the best cure for owies known to man), Post-It notes, kleenex, air conditioning in cars, mixmasters that can knead bread, e-mail, the Internet, Google, chain saws! motion activated sprinkler “scarecrows” that keep the chickens from digging up all the compost on the flower beds, TIVO! (how did we live without it), digital cameras so you don’t have to pay for 20 prints to get the 2 pics you took that were actually good, battery operated anything…. oh my. better stop.
Comment by Betty Jo — July 15, 2009 @ 9:28 am
I guess I will be the custodian who cleans up after the party. I loved reading about the party though and would love to go back to Paris for a day or two… Or many we could all go to Paris, ME- that’s closer to my neck of the woods!
My husband found this site for me. He is a nonmember, but has been worried about the dysfunctional aspects of my branch and how they have been affecting myself and my son. So he went out looking for something that might help, found this site and two others and then bought me a blackberry so that I could read and comment when I had time.
This blog has been quite a sanity saver for me as well as a place that I feel like I actually might be able to find solace and testimony. It has also helped me to deal with the huge amount of anger that I have from dealing with my branch/church culture for the last seven years. I may be treated like a freak and an apostate and worse at church, but even when I do not articulate well here, I have always been accepted and I have never had that acceptance with anyone/anything in my life except my husband, my son, two close friends and my cat.
Reasons for participating are many, but the most important reason is for the spiritual community that is so accepting even in frustration and disagreement. I feel like I am able to contribute and learn from others and I am able to ask questions that I wouldn’t dare with most people I meet at church.
I am a 34yo born in member who lives with a Taoist husband and the cutest child I have ever seen. I live on a farm in rural Maine in a 24′ yurt. If I had answered this post last week, I could have said that I was an active member of the church, but I really cannot take the harassment or passive aggressive behaviour anymore. So I will work on learning the gospel from home and the internet as I decide whether to move or not. As I have spent the last few ¤months in and out of the hospital and the doctor’s office, moving for more services for my son and myself seems pretty attractive at the moment!
Thank you Lisa for such a wonderful site! It is really a blessing to me.
Comment by Sonia — July 15, 2009 @ 6:46 pm
Sonia = religious homeschooling. (Which I think is a great idea!)
Comment by StillConfused — July 15, 2009 @ 8:54 pm
I seriously wonder if anyone is going to read through to this point… I suppose it’s worth throwing my hat into the ring at any rate.
I have been reading (and participating rarely) here at FMH for 3-4 years now. I can’t remember how I found FMH, but I believe it was from a Mormon woman’s blog. Who knows.
I’m Emily. I write a lot of my story at my blog, but for the purpose of brevity, my story is that I’m married. I have also had chronic daily migraines for 4 1/2 years now. Recently, I added a herniated disc to the mix. Thankfully, I have a great family. But my medical problems shape a lot of what my life is. Someday I hope to have children. Until then, I am working towards feeling better. I love reading FMH.
Comment by emily — July 15, 2009 @ 9:15 pm
Emily: Eris had a post about having a migraine a few days ago:
http://defendingeris.blogspot.com/2009/07/kneeling-at-porcelain-god.html
Lawyer Lady: I’ve quit using IE due to the number of viruses & malware that is written just for IE.
Comment by Mike H. — July 15, 2009 @ 10:58 pm
Glad you’re here Sonia.
Comment by Mary Magdalene — July 16, 2009 @ 3:14 am
Emily (#335), I’ve been having 3-4 migraines a week for about seven months now, and am in the process of figuring out if there’s anything that will prevent them (my neurologist has me on drug #1 and we may start #2 soon). I’m so sorry! Somehow people hear “migraine” and think, “So you have a headache — take some Excedrin.” Just wanted you to know there are more of us out here.
Comment by Libby — July 16, 2009 @ 9:35 am
That doesn’t do much for my cluster headaches, either.
Comment by Mike H. — July 16, 2009 @ 11:32 am
I found this website when I was doing research about a topic related to Mormonism… just getting back active in the church after 14 years I had questions on some topics… and I just read and read. hehe.
I want to tell you Emily and Mike — about your migraines/cluster headaches. Please consider trying some detox foot pads. You can click on my name for the link to my site, or you can just google Detox Foot Pads and find whatever site you want to buy them. Put them on the bottoms of your toes. It sounds unusual, but so many people don’t try this… place them smack on the bottom of your toes (there may be gaps etc) — you can do this to help prevent them, but also during a huge attack they will help within an hour…
Many reasons why we get migraines is because of the artificial sweeteners and MSG, among other toxins, that is put in so many of our foods these days. For me, it is definitely MSG that can trigger a migraine, as I now do not use ANY artificial sweeteners.
Google detox foot pads and migraines. It was a chance finding on my part back in 2004 — which is one reason why I decided to start my own business and get my own formula for these foot pads (too many knock offs that don’t work). Now I get maybe 2 migraines a year (with the aura) vs. at least 1-2 per month. And they aren’t as bad.
Take care!
Rebecca
Comment by Rebecca — July 16, 2009 @ 12:01 pm
Hi Eris ,snap and snap.Shaped my life,and makes it hard to be nice and cute.There’s a Berserker with a metal hammer in my head who just waits for his chance,and permanent root canal surgery going on in my back. Both pretty non negotiable,but sometimes i can tune out the pain,also try to dance and garden whenever possible as both those activities make me better friends with this body.So sorry,hope you find a joyful path,your family clearly adore you.Go easy on the children thing,I can only tell you that having kids made it all much worse,I sometimes blame myself for putting them in this situation,in spite of how ridiculous i know that sounds.
Make sure there is a safety net for you and them if you can.They will give you joy ,but so can purposeful work,of whatever type.
Ever read the bit in Ian McKewan’s ‘
Atonement ‘where the woman is tracking her family’s movements from her room during a migraine?Loved it.
Prayers.
Comment by wayfarer — July 16, 2009 @ 12:04 pm
wayfarer, there are several articles/features in the July Ensign that talk about living with chronic illness. It sounds like there are a lot of people who deal with that. You can access the articles online if you don’t get the paper copy.
Rebecca, I have always wondered if those foot detox pads work. They intrigue me.
Comment by Stephanie — July 16, 2009 @ 1:10 pm
Hey FMHers, I’m not sure I actually qualify to blog here or anything, but I just stumbled across the website and I really like reading your posts and comments and things. I’m only fifteen years old, and consider myself a fairly adamant, devoted member of the church (yes, I read scriptures/pray daily, but do occasionally slip a cuss word here and there…) I’m hoping to maybe give a younger persons view and opinion on certain matters, not argue or anything, but just to give a teen perspective. I feel comfortable talking about anything, and I plan on checking into the website fairly often, so I’d love to chime in on advice, ideas, perspective, text shorthand decodes or whatever if you guys need any
I think it was a great idea to start the site (although- why “feminist”?) and I hope to hear from you guys…. feel free to ask any questions!
Comment by Beatrice :) — July 17, 2009 @ 12:29 am
Oh, and if its important, you can email to my (disposable) email: BEATRICEblonde@live.com (I’m trusting youuuuu…)
Comment by Beatrice :) — July 17, 2009 @ 12:31 am
just figured out how to add a URL, I think
Comment by maureen — July 23, 2009 @ 10:25 pm
YES!!
Comment by maureen — July 23, 2009 @ 10:26 pm
I don’t know if I’m a lurker, but I am new. Plus I love to talk, and talk about myself, so I’m following mfranti’s advice to post here.
How did you find fMh? I was googling for something that linked to something, that linked to something, that mentioned this blog. Very round about and all, but the post it linked to was wonderful and I’ve been following and browsing the archives ever since. Feels like ages but it’s only been a couple of months, maybe.
Why do you participate here? I’m actually new to the whole blogging thing. Everyone I know that blogs has a family site. Not that I dislike family sites, but I just assumed that all blogs were about Junior’s latest antics at Chuck E Cheese. I enjoy the occasional Junior diversion, but mostly I find it a bit boring so I never saw what the big blogging deal was. But fMh, you opened my eyes! Thoughtful discussion on the internet (usually)! Who knew? And thanks for linking to many other wonderful sites.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. Most people that know me that are LDS consider me a liberal, my dad considers me a militant-man-hating-liberal. Everyone that knows me that is not LDS considers me ultra conservative. Go figure. I imagine I’m somewhere in between, and I’m not big on labels, anway. In general my thoughts are something along these lines: I love the church, I think some of the people in it are nuts, I think some of the things we do are strange at the least, often archaic, but the cost-benefit analysis keeps me active (in fact, it’s no contest). I suppose I’m feminist in that I think that one sex is not better, smarter, cooler, whatever, than the other. And that I think women have been culturally treated as second class citizens and still struggle to find equal footing. My biggest feminist issues deal more with the way we teach girls to view themselves and the lack of self esteem that society imprints on them.
As for housewifery, I can only say: I wish.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I’m 29, single, life-long member on both sides of the family. I am the only person in my immediate family and one of few in my extended family to have finished college (biology). I spent a couple of years in a PhD program studying molecular medicine, but took a leave of absence to help out at home and don’t think that I will be going back. Right now I work in science education but I feel a career change coming on. It’s a toss up between opening a bakery (cooking and eating are the only talents the Lord has blessed me with) and telling my family to figure out their own issues because I’m joining the Peace Corps. We’ll see what wins! I work in the primary, which I love, and live in North Texas.
Thanks for letting me post.
Comment by Enna — September 1, 2009 @ 1:43 pm
Normal Mormon Husband had mentioned something about poop chronicles and I just HAD to see what he was talking about.
I got hooked!
Aug 21st, Reese wrote an article about her Mormon History that struck multiple chords for me and it yanked me out of lurk-dom. It was really the first article ever about which I had the pleasure of feeling passionately. Maybe it helped that I’d just gone through a mental breakdown and had re-started my anti-depressants?
I have
PTSD from childhood abuses, and I’m finally getting around to getting effective treatment. Of course, because my tormentors were Mormon orthodox/super-strict I’ve been calling into question beliefs I’ve held my entire life, particularly as it deals with God’s contempt of me.
I’m your typical newbie: just beginning to understand that Feminist does not necessarily fit the hate-filled unreasonable fascist/anarchist stereotype; that it’s okay to have the thoughts I have about God’s strange relationships with His children, to in fact see that others are sharing their thoughts on the topics I thought only I endured.
I adore my two children ‘Emmie’ 6 and ‘Buddy’ 3 and my hubby of 9 years ‘Lorenzo’.
I’m a full-time mommy and housewife and taxi cab and tae kwon do student.
I’m a slob. I used to enjoy FlyLady’s uplifting systems but have let them slide. If I like you enough, I’ll let you come over to my home, mess and all.
I swear incessantly. It’s terrible.
I enjoy listening to really loud music, loudly. And I listen to everything. Yes, everything, even country. So THERE.
When I’m happy I read voraciously.
And I’m beginning to explore FMH and learning about myself. Thank you all for establishing such a thoughtful, safe place for me to engage!
Comment by MchllChndlr — September 1, 2009 @ 2:46 pm
hehe
welcome enna and mchllchndlr!
Comment by mfranti — September 1, 2009 @ 2:50 pm
I found this thread after being gone for a weekend back in July, and spent days trying to catch up on the comments. When I finished reading, the thread seemed dead, so I didn’t comment then. But at mfranti’s bidding I’m happy to come back and do so!
How did you find fMh?
My ward book group was discussing _On Chesil Beach_, by Ian McEwan. Apogee’s thread about whether or not it’s okay to say no to sex came up, and the next day someone sent out a link to that post. I read the whole thing (it took hours and hours), started looking around in the archives, and was hooked.
Why do you participate here?
I love that FMH is both intellectually challenging and great entertainment. Long live the Poop Chronicles!
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I’m a lifelong Mormon from Berkeley, and am totally devoted to my ward. I don’t know how I’ll ever move. I happen to think that the particular flavor of Mormonism that prevails there is truer than other flavors. That probably makes me a heretic. I’m not a housewife, and don’t know if I ever will be. I want to have kids, but I don’t know how I’ll feel about staying home full time.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I introduced myself on the motherhood post, so you’ve probably heard as much as you want to about me. I love to eat, sing, and read. I have a boring job right now, but hope to go back to school some time soon. I’ve been feeling kind of stagnated recently, so I spend way too much time here.
Comment by Sara Bay — September 1, 2009 @ 6:44 pm
I am a fourth generation Mormon, and yes, I am a stay at home mom. I am a recent (past couple of years) convert to feminism. I always felt that the sexes are equal but different, and therein lies our strength. But, I didn’t define this as feminism or question the pervasiveness of the patriarchy of the church until a few years ago when I was a Primary teacher with mainly girls in my class. Then I was horrified as I noticed that 99.5% of the examples of good character and virtue were men. So the primary girls were being taught two very powerful conflicting messages. First, “girls be like the men.” Second, “girls cannot do what men do because they don’t have the priesthood.” This is like teaching everyone to eat steak with a knife and fork, then only giving these instruments to the boys while giving the girls a spoon and chopsticks. As I discussed this with a friend, she told me that alot of other women felt like this too, and told me about FMH.
I LOVE this website. Now, I teach Relief Society and I look on here to try to get some ideas about how to infuse feminism into my lessons. Instead of using all the worn out examples of scriptural men, I find examples of women and utalize those. This is often challenging and time-consuming. I wish the FMH had a post about RS lessons so that I could brainstorm and share ideas with other feminists.
Comment by Kelly Lawrence — September 10, 2009 @ 7:50 pm
I’ve been lurking around FHM for a couple of months now and have thoroughly enjoyed it. Only recently have I felt comfortable enough to leave my own comments.
How did you find FHM?
My friend/co-worker sent me a link to a post written by Betty Jo about trying to protect her young cows from being impregnated by a Bull too early and it was hilarious.
Why do you participate here?
Although I’m what you consider a “life-long” member, I have always felt like I was on the out-skirts of the church. I grew up in a part member family. My mom was a member but was inactive until I was in YWs, which meant my siblings and I went to church by ourselves. I was infused with feminism from the time I was born, having come from a long line of strong women. Also, my liberal beliefs definitely make me feel like an outsider. Coming to this blog makes me feel less alone in my beliefs/ideas and that there are other Mormons out there who might understand me.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery
Feminism - I believe strongly that Heavenly Father created his children as equals and so the blatant inequality in the church really gets to me. Mormonism - honestly, I’m struggling right now with the “culture” of Mormonism versus the actual doctrine of the church. Huswifery - I don’t consider myself a housewife. I have 3 kids but I’ve always worked. Right now I work part-time for the church, which honestly has made me question certain things about the organization of the church now that I’m seeing it from the “inside.”
Little bit about who you are?
This one is hard…to date I’m 31 y. o. and have been married for 10 years to a wonderful man. As I said above I have 3 children and I don’t feel guilty about not being a SAHM. I’m feisty, sassy, most-of-the-time witty, passionate, sometimes articulate, inpatient, and very loving.
Most of all, thanks for this blog. I feel like I’ve found a community. I have learned so much from reading the posts and comments and also have felt a kind of support in that I’m not alone in the dichotomy that is being a mormon feminist.
Comment by Risa — September 12, 2009 @ 12:39 am
Welcome Sara Bay,Kelly Lawrence, Risa!
We’re glad to have you as part of the fMh community.
Comment by mfranti — September 12, 2009 @ 12:45 am
I found fmh when Iwas about 14 and was quite relieved that I was not the only one out there who recognized gender issues in the church. i read acouple topics but didn’t really stick around. then last year i started thinking about feminist issues again and remembered that there did exist a site of feminist mormons so i googled it again and now lurk around here every once in a while.
except for abortion, i identify with feminists quite a lot. i think it is ridiculous that mormonism is still a single parent household, i wish i could talk about/know more about/talk to heavenly mother.
i am 19 years old, one of the younger ones here i guess. i am a literal tree hugger, my mother says i’m a clean and sober hippy at heart, i “lol” quite frequently so please forgive me if i end every sentence with lol. lol. i’m vegetarian, made the decision to be vegetarian when i was 7 and finally accepted that meat was indeed made out of animals (i thought people were lying to me at first, how could anyone be stupid and cruel enough to slaughter an innocent animal?) i live on the east coast, far away from what i call mormonland, so i’ve been trying to reconcile religion and other views for quite a while already. also, i am an mg, that’s missionary’s girlfriend. yes, i am one of those girls who waits for a missionary and darn proud of it. so for now, if i ever leave a comment about my love, i’ll probably refer to him as elder r. we plan on marriage and guess what…he doesn’t like his last name anyway so he already agreed to be the one changing their last name when wedding bells start ringing! …or i guess when temple matrons start handing out marriage/sex advice? i’ve read on here that some do that. lol.
that’s it for now i guess. hi people!
Comment by hope — September 27, 2009 @ 1:59 am
Hi there! I’ve been lurking around here for a while and finally decided to comment on a few topics, but I haven’t gotten around to introducing myself before now. So…here goes:
How did you find fMh? I can’t remember how I stumbled across the site the first time; probably through a google search or something. But after that first time I kept coming back! I’ve linked the site to my blog, and maybe one day I’ll be comfortable adding the link to that to my name, but for now I’d prefer to be more on the anonymous side. I’m a bit of a closet feminist still.
Why do you participate here? I love seeing that I’m not alone in all my liberal feminist Mormon thought. I love that this is a place where people from a variety of backgrounds and religious experiences have come together to share thoughts, feelings, and ideas, and (for the most part
) get along well. There aren’t too many people around me who share my views on a lot of things, so I enjoy knowing I’m not crazy.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not) While I feel like my faith in Christ is strong, and my testimony of the gospel is pretty secure, there are a lot of, say, clerical things about the Church that I struggle with. For example, does God really care if we wear pants to church, or if the EQ pres. has a beard? And, more importantly, I have daughters that I want to grow up strong and sure of themselves and their place in their Heavenly Father’s eyes. I want them to believe that they can do and accomplish whatever they set their minds to, regardless of societal or religious “norms”. I also want them to understand that they are in control of their bodies as much as they are in control of their minds. And, thankfully, my wonderful hubby agrees with me (I think he might be a bit of a feminist himself.) Politically, I am a registered Democrat, voted for Obama, and, although I don’t live in California, did not agree with Prop. 8. I immunize my kids, send them to public school, and try to feed them healthy, made-from-scratch meals, although I will admit to buying non-organic foods and going through the drive-thru at Wendy’s every so often.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. I think I covered most of that in the last paragraph, but basically, neither am I a completely Orthodox Mormon nor a raging feminist, but I like to think that I’m the good parts of both rolled into one
Oh, and I’m a stay-at-home mom who does in-home day care and plans to go back to school and become a nurse when my youngest starts kindergarten.
I’m also a tad long-winded
Comment by Allison — September 29, 2009 @ 11:48 am
Hello-
I found this website when looking through blogs about feminity. I am a psychology student currently traveling around the country and an outspoken Mormon girl who recently got married in the temple in March. I started developing a blog based on a book called Reviving Ophelia: saving the selves of adolescent girls. This book and my background in psych and sociology really piqued my interest in how stereotypical female roles work in modern society and more importantly how they work within the concepts of my religion.
I am using this blog to expand my knowledge of other feminist womens viewpoints. I appreciate the honesty and open ended communication that is apparently going on here. Topics that like so many have said are not necessarily discussed are interesting to me. I enjoy having comraderie with women of all ages and backgrounds who believe in the divine power of women and how we express that in these times. Thank you for letting me be a part of this. I plan on becoming much more actively involved soon.
-Sara McArthur
Comment by Sara McArthur — October 5, 2009 @ 1:51 pm
LOVE THIS BLOG! Found you guys by googling “women LDS Blogs;” I’m a recently re-baptized convert. After leaving the Church many years ago but not losing my testimony, I concluded it was high time I cleaned up my life and tried to be a better person. If possible, I’d like to help give others insight regarding strong-willed I’m a poster girl for young LDS women making bad choices. It’s been a ride but not one I’d recommend. At 55 and an empty nester, I am a partner in an insurance agency in Georgia, and for the life of me, I can’t MAKE myself enjoy grinding wheat, baking, or even cooking wholesome meals. I’m excited about the diversity your site offers.
Comment by Molly — October 6, 2009 @ 10:35 pm
i am a male.. not gay or bi .. not that it matters…….
The sacred Feminin is not a joke. IT really is about intuition and
Females are better at that ! ! Intuition is the answers/reactions that
come out like an arrow. Females are much less likely to over-ride
the correct answers, intuition, with additional thought/opinion
that hides the truth.
IT is that simple. The brain got too big and the Female got the
better deal. Ask yourself, if Females were running the world,
would it be in the mess it is now ? i dont have to answer that for You.
google “the surround is consciousness” if You have any more
interest in my ministry. Consciousness is Your Soul, Your real self SEEN… “eyes that see”…..”heaven is at hand”…..Dont tell me about
taking things out of context…. The words of jesus are complete…dont
need my context… Jesus was NOT a christian… that came later.
Welcome to GodHeavenCreation part 1…
Comment by meL_ Smith — October 7, 2009 @ 9:43 pm
Molly: That’s why they have Crystal’s, Hardee’s, Steak & Shake, Waffle House (there’s one in New Mexico, I hear), and those other unique to the south fast food places.
I served a mission in Georgia from 1978 to 1980.
Comment by Mike H. — October 8, 2009 @ 12:09 am
Hi friends.
My nephew’s wife was baptized earlier this year and had questions about Mormon culture and attitudes. (Like why don’t LDS women wear pants to church?) She asked some things I didn’t have the answer to, so I searched the internets and found this AWESOME site. I’ve been an fMh lurker ever since and finally worked up the courage to comment on a post.
I’ve never identified with the label Feminist, until now. I’ve found an eclectic mix of women and men on this site that are able to blend Mormonism with some of my thoughts and feelings in a way that really appeals to me.
I grew up in a large Mormon, Utah family (7 kids) with a father who’s a convert and a mother who’s a fanatic. Most of my sibs felt stifled by religion, and chose their own paths. By the time my parents had me and younger brother, they’d backed off the intensity of faith to allow us to make our own decisions.
I owned an insurance agency for several years and felt I needed to back off and focus on starting a family. While trying unsuccessfully to conceive, I worked at a high school with at-risk and special needs youth.
Now I’m a SAHM to my foster kids, and really enjoying it.
DH and I are YSA advisors and I feel like I need to be a champion for my single sisters. I’ve walked in their shoes and know how hard it can be.
Thanks for letting me be a part of something so validating. Thank you for putting your hearts, your thoughts, your feelings and your faith out in front of the world, providing hope for those that didn’t feel they fit in the traditional Mormon mold.
~S
Comment by Sarah — October 11, 2009 @ 3:14 pm
Hello, everyone -
I’m Sherri, 56, now-divorced mother of a 12-y/o daughter and a 13-y/o son with special needs (I did the mom thing late in life). People often ask me why I joined the conservative LDS Church because I’m quite liberal politically. My response, an odd one for analytical me, is that I know the Church is true. I won’t debate my faith with anyone, since it was long in coming and is very precious to me.
I’ve struggled, though, with the patriarchal Church structure and the more traditional role of women in that structure. I often feel that I don’t fit in anywhere in my ward, although my (current) ward is very loving. My cell phone is on at all hours because of the nature of my job right now and I’m often rushing out of sacrament to make calls. I miss Church on the Sundays when I have to work because I’m the only one bringing in an income and can’t risk losing that. I can do minor home repairs, deal with oil and tires on my car, and troubleshoot my computer but am only possess survival skills when it comes to the domestic arts - giveme a mountain of potatoes to peel quietly in the background, and I’m fine. Tell me to organize the dinner and I’ll panic!
I’d make a kick-*** ward clerk
But serving in Young Women’s? Ack! Growth for me: my daughter’s Beehive activity group decided on “Domestic Goddesses in Training” as their name and I did not make any caustic comments 
But my tongue is nearly bitten through!
I’ve been lurking for awhile and have just recently begun to comment. I’m glad you’re here, and thanks.
Sherri
Comment by Sherri — October 12, 2009 @ 3:40 pm
I first found this site when googling some lds topic and it came up.
I’m a small pioneer in the lds church, I can’t trace back my family to the martin and harris handcart companies, nor any polygamy familes. I became a convert to the church in 92 in the boston area after calling the 800 number for a book of mormon and two young men came to the door about 6 weeks later. I grew up southern baptist in a northern town, which meant I had no rythem (sp) and lots of guilt.
Now I live in southeast idaho “living in zion” Had I had the experiences that I have had here in Zion when I first joined the church I would have left the church years and years ago. The Utah Mormon Syndrome is alive and well here.
I know I’m not a typical mormon guy. I’m a massage therapist and have been for many, many years. 24+ years. I teach massage in professional seminars and schools and have always had “healing hands” People travel from around the country for my 5 day healing sessions which are 2 or 3 hours a day of healing body/energy work.
I’m a great cook, in other wards and branches I’ve been asked to teach a cooking lessons to the relief society, young women and young men classes. Out here in the 3 years I have been here, I have’t been asked to give a talk, nor given a calling, never invited to an elder quorum event.
So the mormon men out here don’t want their wife or wives to be massaged by a man, but it more then ok that they, the man gets a massage by a women……..yet other places I lived people in my ward wanted to get worked on by me because of my skill and nurturing/healing hands that I have. I clean house very well and I have an awesome son who is 8 years old and is in 3rd grade who I get to see at holidays and summer.
I get treated better by people who are not members of the church then people in my own ward or town. It seems like the more tattoos or body rings someone has the nicer they are to me in our town. When I was back east and missed a meeting the next week at church someone would come up to me and ask me why I missed the last week, out here if I miss a week I will get a comment like “oh are you backsliding” or if I’m seen talking to the tattooed women or man, I have heard comments like “oh thinking of getting a tattoo” or why would you talk to them?
I don’t dress like most mormon men, I wear hawaiian shirts most everyday and flip flops. I also have facial hair. Now it is interesting to me that many members of the early church could not be attending BYU because beards or mustaches are not part of the dress code unless you get a “beard card”
I’m fiscally conservative, libertarian in most other areas. I believe in the 11th commandment “Mind thy own business”
Comment by pioneer in zion — October 13, 2009 @ 3:09 pm
How did you find fMh? It was probably a Google search on a day when my Mormon blood was pumping hard. I was born Mormon (at least four generations in all directions) and raised LDS in California. I served a mission in Guatemala.
Why do you participate here? I will never forget meeting my first LDS feminists when I attended Los Angeles First Ward (singles). They changed my life. I realized then I was a male feminist. I have cheered the cause ever since.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. I am a proud feminist who happens to be male. Three of my 5 closest friends are women and feminists with PhDs (or otherwise vibrant intellectual lives) — and no kids. Contrarily, my siblings and parents are still mostly hard-line, conservative Mormons. The women are (and all the men’s wives) are homemakers.
Add to that my lack of belief in a tangible, literal deity (especially the kind with literal, male body parts), and the tension is as thick as Los Angeles smog on a bad day.
I happily defend Mormonism against unfair detractors. But I hunger for a place where ideas can be discussed without the shadow of “Satan’s influence” being invoked to condemn those who disagree with the LDS hard line and the worst of its cultural traditions.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are. My formal studies were mathematics and physics at Caltech and UCLA. I de-railed my doctoral studies in math to pursue a thriving career as an opera singer and writer. (Well, mostly thriving.)
I am a gay, white male with a black, male husband — blogger MadProfessah — together 18 years). We married on August 8, 2008 in Los Angeles, while it was still legal. Between us we share a house, 2 dogs, 3 careers, and 21 fish. I love kids — we may yet adopt.
My LDS siblings claim to love us both, but they scorned our invitation (even though I — we — went to great trouble and expense to attend their LDS wedding receptions). On the other hand, my LDS dad in good standing did attend with his young wife and they gave us a propane grill!
Comment by A Man Zed — October 15, 2009 @ 10:01 pm
Not a newbie really, but I shoudl formally introduce myself anyway.
I’m a 21-year-old BYU student studying Art History with a particular emphasis in contemporary art and gender studies. I’m currently applying for a few different MA programs in Art History that will include a good museum internship. I plan on going into museum curation (organizing exhibitions and things like that).
I recently married my boyfreind of four years, and my relationship with him has caused me to rethink my faith, my politics, and generally how I look a the world. He has only been a member for a little over two years and I’m a lifelong member, so he has a lot to bring to the table.
I found fMh during my freshman year here at BYU while I was having trouble reconciling the culture of Utah and my own personal faith and convictions. I was feeling very lost and I felt like everyone was judging me. A English Lit professor recommended that I check out fMh, and ever since, I’ve felt that there was a place in the church for someone like me.
I believe that most people are naturally good and that we need to remember that when we deal with the people around us. I also believe that church members don’t always recognize how much good is out there in “the world”.
I believe in freedom for all, and that we are only emulating Christ when we realize that everyone is our spirit brother or sister.
I’m not a fan of absolutes. That’s why I boycott marriage and family relations classes at church.
Comment by Allie — October 16, 2009 @ 3:20 pm
Hi everyone! Been lurking and chiming in with the occasional comment here for a while now. I really should’ve introduced myself. How rude of me =)
I’m a 23 year-old LDS young, single, and broke adult living in California. I graduated from UC Davis with my degree in Human Development in 2008, and promptly swerved in an entirely different direction, as I’m now working towards my Master’s in Web Design and New Media.
My older brother joined the church when I was in high school, and a few years later, my sister (cchrissyy, for the curious) and her family joined as well. A few years after that, I was living away at college and decided to show up at the LDS singles ward in the area, which led to my investigation and eventual baptism. Since then, my mom has also been baptized, making my dad the only non-member in the family. It’s a strange story, I know.
My sister introduced me to fMh, and I’ve enjoyed reading the posts here ever since. I love having this source for engaging, respectful, intelligent discussion among such bright adults. I’ve felt hard-pressed to find other members my age with whom I can relate some of my less-typical ideas about living the Gospel. fMh not only provides a great community of people who I can discuss these things with, but it also lets me know I’m not the only one who doesn’t completely buy into typical Mormon culture.
The strongest parts of my testimony are centered on God and Jesus Christ. When learning (and teaching) the Gospel, I try to center my focus on (get ready for the cliche) what Jesus would do.
I don’t like to think of members and non-members as “us and them”. I think all of humanity is grasping at trying to understand a big picture that’s too huge for any of us to see completely. Rather than us being right and everyone else being wrong, I think we’re all just looking at the same thing from different angles, and everyone is just doing the best they can with this limited perspective.
That’s probably much more information than any of you would ever need on me! Looking forward to talking with you all =)
Comment by Jessica — October 18, 2009 @ 11:03 pm
I found fMh on a google search for liberal Mormons. I haven’t posted a comment yet because I’m still finding my way around the site. I would like to participate in the future.
I’ve felt drawn to the LDS church for over ten years. I know more about it than any non-Mormon should know, and tend to bore the heck out of my friends talking about it.
I’ve read the BoM. I toured Temple Square. I went to the open house at the new local temple before it was dedicated. But I’ve never seriously investigated because I felt that my personal politics and non-religious beliefs were in direct opposition to the Church.
Through reading this site and others I realise that this isn’t the case. I can still believe that Prop 8 is wrong, that although it’s very unlikely that I would ever have an abortion myself, women should have the right to have one if they so choose, and that I can be a strong feminist woman and still be a worthy member.
I now feel that I can make a serious commitment as an investigator and am debating either showing up to Sacrament meeting this Sunday, or requesting that missionaries come visit. I’m not sure which would be better/more comfortable for me (I’ve got social anxiety that makes walking into new situations hard).
Thank you.
Comment by jetgirl — October 19, 2009 @ 11:45 pm
I googled “women mormon oppressed” and this is what came up.
I’m a 22 year old senior at the University of California, Santa Barbara, although I hail form the Inland Empire. I am a feminist and gender studies major there. A little but about my church “credentials”- I am a returned missionary (Missouri Independence, woot!), an institute graduate, a former EFY counselor, a convert (just over 5 years), and am currently serving as the Relief Society First Counselor.
In contrast to many who have posted previously, I canvased for and was in pretty hearty support of Prop 8. I was also a very enthusiastic supporter of Prop 4. My only real aspiration is to be sealed to the love of my life. (I’m just not sure who that is yet.)
I have a pretty thorough understanding of feminist and queer academic theory, as well as an awareness of current social issues.
Comment by Juliet M. — October 24, 2009 @ 4:29 am
I am from California, so in the midst of freeways and constant chaos, there are not that many Mormons, let alone feminist Mormons.
I found fmh when I was investigating the Church last year. A friend of mine who was a convert to the Church and a grad student intrigued me with her well-informed opinions on politics, and when I asked her how it was that she found the Church and how she was able to maintain her “feminist identity” and yet still embrace being Mormon, she directed me to this website, among others (and thankfully I took opinions with a grain of salt, otherwise I might have never been baptized).
My life pretty much fell into place perfectly once I was baptized and joined the Church — I immediately met a wonderful RM, and we fell in love and got married. Now I really am a feminist Mormon housewife!
I am 26 and a student/nanny/waitress/hairdresser/Jill-of-all-trades who came from an evangelical home and has been married once before to the singer of a Christian rock band who decided he wanted a divorce on Christmas Day, leaving me completely dumbfounded about whether or not there even was a God, since religion had done me so horribly wrong. Eventually, I found the True Church, and came to find out my ancestors were among the first missionaries to Wales in the 1800s and that I come from a long line of Mormon pioneers. I now know where I belong!
I love the Church, and I think it is entirely possible to be a feminist and be Mormon. Even though I have seen a lot in my relatively short life, I still have a lot to learn. That is why I enjoy the blog and all the opinions I find here, albeit sometimes controversial.
P.S. All the Mormons in SoCal are packing up and moving to Utah, and it is likely my husband and I will transfer to UVU… so any helpful hints about surviviing life in the Mormon bubble would be greatly appreciated.
Comment by butterflylion — October 25, 2009 @ 7:30 pm
I think I found fMh through google while trying to find (positive) Mormon blogs to read. I had been studying Islam for a while and had a bunch of muslimah blogs that I followed and finally thought “hey, maybe I should find some in my own religion…”
Also, I had happened to find fMh right when I needed to hear that there were others who had some of the same…concerns. I got married about a month or so before I found fMh and certain aspects in the temple I had found worrying. fMh totally helped me deal with that. It really helped knowing that I wasn’t alone.
Thus far I have been your resident lurker of about four months now. I hope to participate a little more openly but I often find myself content with simply reading. Who knows. Commenting might lead me to find others who are close by and that would be nice.
I acknowledged my feminist…ness…in high school but got so sick of politics and other discussions around me that I shoved that all away. Then a few months ago my feminist self sort of “woke up” and I’ve been content to say that I’m a feminist Mormon ever since. I think it started much earlier though (ooh! story time!). I distinctly remember telling my dad when I was, oh, 6 or 7 that I couldn’t wait until I was old enough to pass the sacrament. It never occurred to me that only the boys passed the sacrament (or that the priesthood had anything to do with it) because our branch was very small (a twig, if you will) and there weren’t any girls of the same age group of the boys passing the sacrament, so I just assumed the girls weren’t doing it simply because there weren’t any. There’s my story. The end.
Raised Mormon but everyone in my family except my parents and I are Catholic so I would go to mass frequently enough that I totally thought the bishop had a portable confessional for when people needed to go talk to him for those reasons. I was mortified when I realized you actually had to look him in the face! I suppose I’m a Formerly-Apathetic-Mormon. I would go to church and YW and everything but half the time it was simply because I didn’t care either way and it was easier in the long run to just go, if that makes sense. Now I think about what’s going on.
Anyways, I’m 22, graduated from BYU with a degree in Japanese that am not and probably never will use. My DH is going to school still and we joke that he’s the homemaker now since I work full-time/am the “provider.” I like snowboarding and am THRILLED that the first snow of the season has arrived. And then I get in my car and realize I have to drive in it and become not quite so thrilled.
I also rock climb and love to dance even though I am excruciatingly terrible at the latter. I read a lot and will be doing NaNoWriMo this year. I love hot chocolate and former lover of the engery drink RockStar. I’ve been sober, er, clean, for almost 9 months now. 
I’m so happy that fMh exists because I feel fairly isolated/lonely in RS right now. I’m often incredibly shy IRL so it’s difficult for me to just go up and talk to people. Especially when everybody seems to enjoy a nice brown hat, and I’d like to go dye my hair purple instead.
…well. That’s was a lot longer than I thought it would be. Anyways. Hello! (^_^)
Comment by Lilly — October 27, 2009 @ 3:37 pm
I’m a 46 year old mother of 5. I’ve been seriously inactive for a loooong time. Lotsa years. But lately, I’ve felt that pull back towards the church. Maybe because life is hard and complicated? But the mormon church is complicated too, especially the biases, bigotries, and overall extreme conservativeness of the thing. I found this blog while searching for blogs of other inactive mormons, trying, I suppose to find a way to talk myself either in or out of doing anything about my longing to be back in the fold.
I’m loving reading posts from other women (and men) who are torn or have come to terms with the church and accepted it for what it is, imperfect for sure, but warm and comfortable. I was raised to not question the church’s doctrine on any level. My testimony is not gone, it’s just tarnished. After all, like many religions, the lds church’s doctrine is formulated by conservative old men. I’m a liberal, youngish woman…that right there is a problem. I’ve made it a point to make sure that my children are open minded, accepting, compassionate, and non-judgmental. I don’t know if I’m comfortable exposing them to a religion that isn’t. And I’m not sure if I’m ready to answer for my life choices to a total stranger yet, I’m not making that call yet, instead I’ll just look in here on occasion and give it some more thought. Why am I feeling so drawn back?? Oh lord, my catholic husband would freak.
If missionaries knock on my door, I’ll know who to blame.
Comment by Brownwren — October 27, 2009 @ 4:21 pm
This is my first post. My sister told me about this site a while ago and I am also a “lurker” like many of you admit. I was raised Mormon, of pioneer stock and my whole family is happily Mormon (although my sister struggles, like may of you to rectify her faith with her politics).
I left the church many years ago after a short stint at BYU. I was not raised around many Mormons and when I got there, I thought, oh, this is what the “culture” of Mormonism is? No thank you!
Since then, I have done much soul searching and have really, truly come to the place that there is no place for a god in my world. But, like you, Brownwren, I still feel a pull. There is a warmth to belonging to the culture of my heritage that I painfully miss. And in many ways, I still do Mormon things: I cook, I bake, I make my own jam, can peaches etc, I have food storage. I am a professional feminist woman but my family is always first in my mind. I even sing tons of non-religious Primary songs to my kiddo. “When we’re helping we’re happy,” anyone?
Every time the missionaries knock on my door or I see the Mormonism special on PBS, I weep with longing, wishing that could be me. It’s like I miss the childhood illusion of perfection of Mormonism, because I certainly do not miss the awfulness of my experience as a baby feminist in Utah or BYU or with my dealing with church leadership as I extracted myself from the church. And I do not want religion in my life. But, to rejoice with my family’s acceptance, to not have awkward moments of what to do during family prayer at reunion (do I leave the room, do I sit, do I kneel but not close my eyes?), to not have the awkwardness where my parents admit that they would secretly like to convert my husband…
But, alas, I am not Mormon and never can be. But, it is in my genetics, know what I mean? I have always wondered if there were other people in the world who feel like me. I know that this site is comprised mostly of the faithful trying to balance feminism and true faith and I am so impressed with your struggles and your passion to be true to all aspects of yourselves, but do any of you ever feel that way? Even if you are active, do you miss what you thought Mormonism was or for those of you who have severed ties, does it ever emotionally pull you back, even if not rationally?
Comment by departed sheep — October 29, 2009 @ 5:21 pm
I guess now that I’ve commented a few times on here, I ought to introduce myself.
How did you find fMh?
I don’t remember. The first time I found it, I actually didn’t relate to it, thought it radical or something, and didn’t return. I found it again recently, and I must have changed since last time because it was like finding the answers to all the questions I’ve been having, or at least finding others who have questions like me. Balm to my soul. And a bit addicting.
Why do you participate here?
I want to ask questions and get others’ perspectives. Or questions others have staged compel me to answer with my perspective. I want a place that is respectful and also is faith-promoting. I have loved how supportive all the answers were to my comments; y’all feel like friends.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
What is feminism? I don’t know. I do know I’m hypersensitive to the equality of women after living in an Islamic culture for 6 months, I’m proud to be a woman, and I think our world has a ways to go to creating a place where women can reach their potential.
Born Mormon, married Mormon, will die Mormon…? Probably. It’s such a core part of who I am, though I am learning to separate that which is culture and that which is doctrine. I am learning to come to terms with our history and with our peculiarities. And I am learning to face the very real weaknesses of the Church, while appreciating the many blessings that have come from being a member. Best of all, I am learning that I can be Mormon on my own terms and feel good about it.
I am forever grateful to the Book of Mormon and the temple because together they brought me to Christ. My testimony of Him is my most important possession.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m appreciating the anonymity of the blog world.
I’m afraid to give anything away!
I’ve been married for over a year to an incredible man. He’s a convert to the Church, and we have what is for me the ideal relationship in terms of equality. That is to say we both work, we both clean, and he actually does more of the cooking. He gives me a fresh perspective all of the time on what it means to live the way God intended.
We met at BYU, and move/travel constantly for fun, so much so that we don’t have a place that we call home.
I’m 24, vegetarian, eco-friendly, into culture, art, music, food, and books, and self-employed (internet marketing: anyone can do it, you can do it from home, you can choose your own hours, and if you know what you’re doing, you can make more money than you’d ever make doing anything else. I love it.) And I’m terrified of having children.
I’m not a Democrat, but I appreciate the liberal views. I’m more Libertarian…I believe in supporting good causes…I just prefer using my own money instead of donating it to the government to use it for me
Any other questions, just ask.
Comment by Susie — November 3, 2009 @ 12:21 am
I have been lurking here for a very long time and have decided that it is time to contribute to the conversations. So here we go,
How did you find fMh?
I have been inactive since I was a teenager. I had always felt isolated and different from the typical Mormon girl. When I got married I started to think more about eternal families. In doing so I felt a desire to return to church, however, I struggle with a great many things because of who I am and what I believe in and how that contradicts a lot with the church. I found this blog when researching alternative views that can reside peacefully within the church.
Why do you participate here?
I have lurked here for many years. I find the conversations insightful and inspirational. It was a very eye opening experience that there were many women who thought exactly like I did! It’s nice to know that you CAN be a feminist and a Mormon wife. Also, in my case you CAN be a Democrat and a “good” Mormon.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I suppose all my life I have been a feminist, without really knowing what it was. I think it stemmed from my father always instilling in my sisters and I that we could do anything we wanted and anything that a man could do. I grew up an opinionated girl who was very passionate about issues and could be very feisty. My dad was involved in local politics and I grew a deep interest in that as well. My first semester of college at the University of Utah I took a gender studies class and it single handedly changed my perception of the world and help shape who I am today. After that I knew I was a feminist. For me, that label has changed my way of thinking about virtually everything. I don’t feel the need to conform to what someone else describes feminism as however, for I am a wife and hope (soon) to be a stay at home mom when we have children. I share the view of many women on this board that it is the CHOICE to do so or not that really matters.
As for Mormonism, I believe in it (mostly). I am in the process of rediscovering my faith and in that process I have encountered many issues that I struggle greatly with. Some of the major ones include; polygamy, patriarchy of the church, Mormon culture, ban on the priesthood for African Americans, and Joseph Smith, with all his imperfection. I have no problem with his imperfections if the church would acknowledge that he indeed was a man and not some perfect entity. Anyways, it is a journey I have embarked on and I believe it will lead to me returning to church.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Well, I am a college student and a wife. I am a feminist and a Democrat. Those are my “labels”. But I am much more than that.
Comment by Brittany — November 6, 2009 @ 1:06 pm
This site is one of several I frequent and have frequented for a number of years, well since at least 1995 when I started my tenure in cyberspace. No I have no idea what year I first discovered the site, but as an alternative to the Mormon hegemony, I found this site liberal in its approach to Mormon culture, and laissez-faire in terms of posting tolerance.
For me understanding orthodoxy and unorthodoxy in our culture is equally fascinating and informative.
My political leanings are eclectic in that a heavy dose of liberarianism, mixed with strong strains of conservative economics, nationalism, with emphasis on local interests over authoritarian control of a centrist government.
Church bureaucracy, theology and activity influence my thought, conduct and relationships, and belief and conviction ebb and flow with realities surrounding me, and my ongoing empirical observations and experiences.
Comment by Origen — November 6, 2009 @ 4:51 pm
Well, I found this site on a random search about pee sticks. lol But I’m staying (if lurking) because I like it. I’m a religious Feminist Catholic Medical Student, but have met a lot of Mormons in my program (and their significant others) and feel like when it comes right down to it, we share a lot of priorities. Catholics tend to fall into super conservative/super religious or non-observant and liberal categories - not much room for religious and liberal folks. Anyway - love the site!
Comment by Laura — November 13, 2009 @ 8:20 am
I just came across this site doing a little research on feminism and the pedestal. I feel at home and happy that there are so many of us!
Comment by Jeana — November 14, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
When, How, Why
I found the site a few months ago, a link from Zelophehads Daughters, I believe, or maybe it was something to do with a RS lesson I was preparing for. I continue to visit for the opportunity to participate (or, um lurk) in such varied conversations between intelligent, self-aware women. I love reading the points of view that make me stop and think about why I feel the way I do about certain topics, and generally enjoy having the voices of so many women available for answering questions, challenging me, and writing about their passions.
Wouldn’t it be great if our RS meetings could even slightly mirror the discussion here….sigh.
Femenism, Mormonism, etc.
I find I fall into that “I’m not a feminist, but…” category. However, I have started owning my feminism more and more frequently. In many ways I live a “typical mormon” life, I married young, am a sah/hsing mom of 5. I love what I do, probably because I chose it for my own, and continue to choose it every day (well, most days anyway).
I grew up mostly in the midwest, moved to UT w/dh, purportedly to go to school, then got stuck here. It’s been 12 years, and I still long to move away. The fact that Mormonism embraces continuing revelation and all truth, no matter the source is a big part of my testimony. Though I am at times discouraged by the belief/action disconnect I find in our culture as a whole.
Comment by TA — November 25, 2009 @ 4:04 pm
Hi! i just found this blog googling “appropriate careers for LDS women.” LOL.
I am a newlywed and recent convert to Mormonism. My husband and I recently moved to Salt Lake and I am a housewife for now, because I’m not able to find a job with this economy. Anyway, I plan to stick around and read often now that I’ve found the site!
Comment by Virginia — December 2, 2009 @ 4:21 am
So, Virginia…what is an appropriate career for an LDS woman? Any luck finding an opinion on that?
Comment by Kimberly — December 2, 2009 @ 7:42 am
According to one of my old Bishops, an appropriate career for an LDS woman is a trade (hair styling, dental assistant, etc.) because the education is quicker to obtain, and she can work to then put her husband through school. (I nearly bit my tongue off to refrain while he told the YW that. I still kind of wish I would have said something, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate at the time)
Comment by Stephanie — December 2, 2009 @ 11:07 am
First of all, can I say to departed sheep, I know how you feel! Thank you for putting that so beautifully. I know the pull, the desire to feel how I once did about the church. I don’t believe but I attend meetings with my friends and it makes me cry sometimes.
How did I find fMh? I don’t know if I can really remember. I was doing some searching online after a serious blow to my faith, looking for answers but also more questions and I found fMh.
I participate here because I feel something missing in my life and fMh helps fill it. I am so glad to have found strong women from all different situations and testimonies (or lack of) and willing to respectfully talk about the hard stuff.
My thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and housewifery are constantly in flux so I will let those come out as I participate in discussions. I do consider myself a feminist. Mormon is a term I find much more problematic. I go to church, I go to YSA activities and even firesides sometimes, but I also don’t believe a lot of things, and don’t take the sacrament or pay tithing. As for housewifery, I respect housewives but have no housewiving experience.
Quick overview of “me” college student, twin sister, oldest child in a large family, love art, etc
Comment by Theolina — December 4, 2009 @ 7:44 pm
I found you TODAY searching for “Mormon Advent Ideas” of all things, and I’m confused about the site. The high school feminist in me screams with recognition with things I have read (skimmed) here, but the returned missionary, ACTIVE, tithing paying, temple going mother of two that I have become takes caution with the majority of comments here too. I’m intrigued - more than intrigued. I love the concept. But shouldn’t this be more faith promoting than church bashing? Can’t we still find doctrinal answers to these issues I’m dying to jump in and discuss here? Do contributors and commentors have testimonies? Like I said, I’m confused about the site. I loved the introduction, but am not finding evidence for “A safe place to be feminist and faithful.” Just feminist and Mormon. Another thing -I have discovered there is a difference between people living as religious minorities embracing Mormonism, “spiritual Mormons” if you will, and people living in communities, cities, and/or states where Mormon is the religious majority, “cultural Mormons” if you will. And I do acknowledge they overlap. So what are we talking about here - are most of you “cultural Mormons”? That’s what it seems like. I live the Mormon religious doctrine and am anxious to join a blog like this in that context, but how can you seriously blog here if you don’t have a testimony of the restored gospel? Would the point be to understand your culture?
Comment by Gina — December 13, 2009 @ 11:11 pm
Found this site recently and it is bringing up all sorts of forgotten thoughts I had while still a participating mormon. I no longer consider myself mormon, but many of the teachings still resonate with me and I still live them, albeit not in any sanctioned LDS manner.
I find myself a stay at home stepmother of school aged stepkids. I have no kids of my own and my husband has no religious affiliation. We do live an honest, hardworking, lifestyle, trying to teach the kids openminded and critical thinking skills, while remaining respectful and honest to themselves and others.
I never would have classified myself as a feminist until I began reading here in the last few weeks and found myself identifying with so many of the points that are discussed.
Thank you for providing this space. I find it quite refreshing.
Comment by former mormon — December 16, 2009 @ 1:48 pm
I love this blog! I am married to a wonderful husband and I work in the forest industry as a GIS analyst. (Very male dominated). I come from a long line of mormon ancestors who sacrificed a lot for the church and my family. Yea, I come from pioneer “stock” whatever that means.
I love this blog because I find many people here who share my perspective on church/home issues. Not to mention it makes me laugh…
Comment by TaterTot — December 21, 2009 @ 6:15 pm
Happy Holidays and HELLO FELLOW FEMINIST MORMON HOUSEWIVES!!!!! It’s rather refreshing to be making a post on a site where I kinda fit in. Thank you for being here.
I’m a regular contributor to the religion forum on a website that caters to intellectual male Mormon sports fans. While I AM a Mormon, I’m certainly not male (thank heavens) and I can’t recall ever having the capacity to focus on a ball game.
However, for some undefinable reason that likely has roots in a dark corner of my feminist Mormon housewife psyche, I decided to take on the challenge of taming a board full of men who actually thought they already understood Mormon feminism before my arrival. What a tumultuous ride my days posting there have been…. and oh oh oh the stories I could tell! The best part is, however, that in the process of discussing polygamy, polyandry, Heavenly Mother, sexual abuse, women and the temple, women and the priesthood, etc. with a group of educated male sports fans (who certainly do NOT follow the T & S commenting rules, btw), I began to gain a richer understanding of my own feminism and its relationship to the church that I love.
Perhaps ironically, I’m a feminist who sincerely appreciates men. I will always care about my sports board and the male friends I have made there. However, I’m beginning to crave similar internet discussions with people with whom I have a little more in common and who will at least attempt to consistently treat one another with decency. Thus…. my decision to introduce myself. It appears that things work a little differently than I am accustomed to around here, but I look forward to the opportunity of getting to know you and your site better.
Best!
Comment by Rosebud — December 28, 2009 @ 6:03 pm
It seems like people are still posting these so I guess I’ll just do a quick intro.
This is my first post but I’ve been lurking for a while I guess. I’m 24 years old, single (but engaged), recently graduated from UVA with a degree in comp lit and working as a yarn dyer for the time-being. I’m a feminist with some ultra-liberal leanings and some crunchy granola habits and a convert of about 5 years now [was inactive for about three and a half of those.] Lately I’ve come back to the church and-although I really enjoy the spirit that’s back in my life and I feel that I’m where I need to be-I am struggling to reconcile my views (pro-gay marriage, pro-choice, etc) with certain attitudes/actions/doctrines of the church. I receive a lot of inspiration and comfort from fmh and I only wish I could feel comfortable talking to the women in my RS about these issues. Or at least find one other person besides my fiancee to talk to about these things. Lastly, I’m about to move to Provo for the next 2+ years and I’m worried about the culture. Does anybody know of any feminist Mormon groups that meet (in person) at BYU or in Provo? Thank you!
Comment by Friendlycactus — January 10, 2010 @ 11:04 pm
My name is Kathryn - I’m a student at BYU-Idaho studing English and music, although I’m actually a newly-born business owner with my own photography studio! I LOVE this website. Love it. I have always had little feminist tendencies, but never felt that there was any place safe/comfortable enough to share my ideas without getting gasped at in religion classes (by men and women alike… trust me… said something a little feminist once, and almost got boo-ed out of the class!).
I’ve been married for 2.5 years to my geeky, hilarious husband Chris, who is finding out that he’s a closet feminist too.
I’ve been LDS for my whole life, but was raised for 11 years in South Dakota around lots of amazing Lutherans and Methodists - I love ‘em!! 
I miss living somewhere that I can talk to members of other faiths on a daily basis and learn from them.
I’ve never affiliated myself with much of anything politically - I was a shy and silent peacemaker until I left home! - but have realized in the last few years that I definitely have very liberal tendencies. I love the Gospel, but have some issues with it that I love to discuss with those who believe that the Lord wants us to question and search and discuss and find out things for ourselves!
Thank you for this awesome website that reminds me that women around the world, whether LDS or not, are strong and capable, and are willing to stand up for themselves!!
Comment by Kathryn — January 11, 2010 @ 6:25 pm
How did you find fMh? Found it in early ‘08 when reading discussions on politics and religion (of all things!). Was an active(ish) commenter, then have been MIA for awhile - new babies do that to you.
Why do you participate here?It’s a nice blend of voices with varying ideas and thoughts - it challenges me and makes me think and I’m back because my brain is turning to sleep-deprived-post-baby-mush.
I am NOT (sadly) a housewife. My house is in a chronic state of need. I work full-time at a desk job. I have two darling little girls - and my dream is to be a housewife.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and housewifery. (or not)I am not radically feminist. I believe in equality and that women are the cornerstone of society. Teach a woman and you inspire a community. I’m Mormon, and I love it. I tend to get a little defensive when people tell me I’m brainwashed … because I am a thinker, not a lemming.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.I’m a mom, a sister, a friend, a daughter, a wife, an employee - and I’m shedding the title of “super woman.” Just because I’m capable of doing everything doesn’t mean I should have to do it.
Comment by Sara — January 19, 2010 @ 3:41 pm
Okay Okay, I will comment here Stephanie.
How did you find fMh?
My hubby, GG, actually found it. He reads LOTS of blogs and insisted I read this one. I read the posts whenever I have time! I admit I do not comment lots because by the time I read posts there are already over 100!!! And he never comments either!
Why do you participate here?
I like to read about the struggles of women that are similar to mine, it helps me to know that I am not the only one that THINKS about doctrine!
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I am very firmly a feminist. I reject the social definition of feminism that makes it a dirty word, I feel women should have the freedom to make choices and be free of judgment and be respected for those choices.
While my feelings about Mormonism tend to vacillate between giving in to routine and utter disdain, my opinion on being a housewife is a resound “NO! Not for me” I totally respect women and am sometimes jealous of women who are housewives (I kind of hate that term) I don’t think I could handle it. I think I will always be a wife and Mom who also works outside the home, its just part of who I am. (And I kind of hate the term “working mother” because it implies if I did not have a job I would be chillaxin’ eatin’ bonbons all day).
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Who am I? That’s a hard question. I am a full-timer. I am a full-time Social Worker, full-time student, full-time mom, full-time wife, full-time friend, and full-time house cleaner, laundress, and dishwasher.
So it sounds like I have lots to do lots of the time. I yearn for boredom. I also punish myself with hobbies, I make jewelry, I read when I have a quiet moment, I knit, I listen to lots of NPR, I write bad poetry, and I sew. In another life I was a costume designer and professional seamstress. I’m an Amazon Woman!!! I am a wickedly funny, strong, warrior woman.
Comment by AmazonaWomona — January 20, 2010 @ 12:46 am
How did you find fMh?
I just stumbled across it, while I was checking out a “Mormon craft site”
Why do you participate here?
Well this is my first post. I’m not much into blogging, but I think I can get use to doing this.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I’ve got to take this on from the last first. I am not married to my house and therefore am not a housewife. My husband & I both joined the church together. We were baptized on the same day. Both of our families thought that the other’s family forced us into this. No way, We did this all on our own. I am an active member with a current temple recommend. I believe that Mormonism is the most feminist church in existence today. When the saints came to Utah they were one of the first places where women had the right to hold property and to vote. In the temple women work with women and if you stop to think about it the same holds true for the women organizations on the ward and stake levels, as well. So what is a feminist? fem·i·nist (fěm’ə-nĭst)
n. A person whose beliefs and behavior are based on feminism.
And feminism advocates for the attainment of equal rights for WOMEN!!! Yep, that is it. The only reason that direction in the scripturies is given to men is because they constantly have to be told what to do. As women you tell us once and we’ve got it. The only reason Eve took the apple was because she knew that Adam was dum enough to take a bite no matter what.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am a 56 year old wife of 36 years and a mom to 2 girls and 2 boys. Well, I guess they are women and men since the oldest is 35 and he youngest is 25. I am in the process of trying to finish my degree in theatre and live despite the fibromyalgia and other chronic illnesses. I’ve spent the last 20+ years working in the civil rights arena. I am constantly looking for ways to make sure we all get that which is our right to have.
I have enjoyed what I’ve read so far…good intelluctual discussions with everyone accepted at face value. Wish the world could do this.
Comment by Cyndy Hardwick — January 31, 2010 @ 3:25 am
I consider myself to be a former male chauvinist, raised in a [hyper]active LDS family of all boys, who is now the father of all girls and a wannabe feminist. I found fMh by it being referenced on other blogs in which I have participated.
Comment by Daniel — February 9, 2010 @ 2:11 pm
How did you find fMh? - I have been reading this blog regularly for the past 1 1/2 - 2 years. I believe I found it while trying to make sense of the Prop 8 thing, right after we had that letter read in Sacrament Meeting about doing all we could do to help the proposition pass. My husband and I were both mortified. I still don’t know if there was anyone else in our ward that felt like we did; we did not participate in donations, precinct walks, street corner demonstrations or lawn signs, but we also didn’t actively oppose it. I guess that makes us somewhat wimpy. However, we were never taken to task for non-participation; in fact, I was called to be Primary President 7 months ago so I guess I’m not considered too dangerous.
Why do you participate here? - I am totally impressed with the level of intelligence, thoughtful comments and wide range of topics that are discussed here. I am comfortable with the focus on women and women’s experiences. I do have a lot of questions at this point in my life that I had never considered before, and it is nice to have a forum to discuss many of those issues. Oh, and I am in grad school full-time, and it is a neat way to procrastinate when I should be working on my assignments.
Tell a little bit about who you are - I grew up in the church in the Sacramento area in the 1960’s, moved to New England in the 1970’s, experienced culture shock with the church out there and went inactive for 10 years. Meanwhile, I got married to a non-member, had two children, and then we all moved back to CA. I was a SAHM mom while the kids were young, my husband worked at UC Berkeley & I have worked as a substitute teacher for the past 15 years. I had started coursework to clear my CA teaching credential but when my husband became terminally ill with a brain tumor I put it on the back burner to care for him until he passed away. My original teaching certificate was from VT so now I am again working on my CA credential by earning my MA in Education. I meant to do this earlier; I am 55 now and don’t know where the time has gone. I got re-married 4 years ago to my high school sweetheart, who I had intended to marry 30+ years ago — long story. We are very, very grateful to be together again (eternally grateful, if you know what I mean). We are the only active members in either one of our families, but we both have wonderful, loving parents, siblings and other family members who support us.
P.S. I live halfway between San Francisco and Sacramento, so I might be able to attend the Bay Area Snacker in Berkeley tomorrow…my husband and I attended the Sunstone West meeting in Cupertino last March for the first time and we loved it. We didn’t actually know anyone to talk to, though, and I’d really like to meet some of you in person.
Comment by Valory — February 12, 2010 @ 1:33 pm
Valory-
This intrigued me- could you elaborate on this, since I live in N.E. and maintain that things are very different here. When I lived in CA, I was not a member, so, I had no comparison- although, I still underwent a pretty big culture shock in general. I’d love to hear your experience (and if it’s negative, I won’t be the least offended- I know it’s a big change).
Comment by Kimberly — February 12, 2010 @ 1:48 pm
Valory, yes, you should totally come to the snacker tomorrow!
Comment by Lynnette — February 12, 2010 @ 1:55 pm
Lynette - Thanks! We will try to join you; probably later rather than earlier.
Kimberly - Yes, it’s different in New England! I moved there in 1972 at the age of 17; not happy about it, but my parents were being adventurous. We went from a large ward and stake in Citrus Heights, CA with lots of youth activities to a tiny branch in Burlington, VT. We did have a building, but it was phase 1 of 3 so all we had was the Primary room and maybe 4 classrooms. None of the other kids would talk to my younger sister and I at first; after a couple of months of crying and complaining, my parents said, “That’s it; we aren’t going anymore,” and the rest of my family has been inactive ever since. I thought it was my fault for years and years, but when my mom heard that, she assured me that it was their lack of testimony, not me. I did start going back to church about six months later because the boy I was going out with was curious, and wanted to go with me, and later got baptized (we are married now). Looking back, I think there is a reticence in the New England psyche that, from my point of view, felt like rejection. But I think it is something else; maybe a level of personal space that they feel is a respectful distance, but to someone like me just felt like standoffishness. I don’t think it has changed much since then; a girlfriend from CA and I visited New England in 2001 and we stopped into a Sacrament meeting in Maine one Sunday. We were not greeted by anyone, not even by the missionaries in the foyer. After the meeting, we saw the Bishop coming down the aisle toward us, and then just before he got to us, he veered off to the right and vanished! So, where in New England do you live, and what has your experience been? By the way, I did end up loving Vermont very much, and I still have some very close friends there, but none of them are LDS.
Comment by Valory — February 12, 2010 @ 5:49 pm
Hi. I’ve been commenting more lately, but I haven’t officially introduced myself. I’ve been lurking and reading for a while. I found fMh- oh I’m not sure how. One of the ladies in my playgroup reads and brings it up occasionally. I figured I should keep up with the conversation.
I took the Intro to Women’s Studies class at BYU and that kind of jump-started me into women’s issues and feminism.
As for myself, I graduated from BYU in math in 2007. I like to knit and I’ve recently begun knitting installation art pieces, which I would like to ultimately use for activism. I have a knitting blog besides the main one that I’ve linked to. I’m also one of those crunchy people. I have a daughter who is almost 2 and another person who has taken up residence in my uterus until the summer.
Comment by TopHat — February 14, 2010 @ 5:01 pm
I keep forgetting to do this… anyway, I’ve been lurking here on fMh for multiple years. An occasional comment here and there, though I don’t remember what name I used. I’m in my late 20s, have a couple degrees but still no real idea what I want to be when I grow up. Married, no kids… my blog will tell you more if you’re at all interested. Other than that, I look forward to commenting more!
Comment by The Ginger — February 17, 2010 @ 10:14 am
I’m new and very interested in this type of content. I have struggled for over 10 years trying to merge my Mormonism with my liberalism and my feminism. I can’t say that I’m not at all skeptical. (crossing my fingers)
Comment by Christy S. — February 18, 2010 @ 7:27 pm
Wow! Almost 400 posts! I posted months ago, and said at that time I wanted to read every one on this thread. Have pretty much done so now, and enjoyed every one.
Friendly Cactus asked about person-to-person feminist groups at BYU. I’m sure you can find some, Friendly. Wish I could give you some leads, but I’ve been too long gone. When I was there, decades ago, a reporter from the Denver POST came over to cover one of the first women’s conferences there. She asked a non-BYU feminist from SLC who some of the BYU feminists were. That person declined to reveal any names, out of loyalty or fear, I guess. By noon of the first day of the conference, the Reporter phoned her again and said, “I’ve met Jane and Crone. Is that it?”
It wasn’t then and I’m sure it isn’t now. But ultimately, labels have a limited usefulness, don’t they?
Blessings on this astounding site and on us all.
Comment by CroneUp — February 19, 2010 @ 5:20 pm
I found fMh through Google. I am very very nervous/scared of garments. My husband & I are getting sealed in a couple months. Also, I am liberal, and I don’t fit in much with the other LDS people in my area.
I haven’t really started participating, yet. just reading evverrrytthiinngg.
Feminism. Everyone should be a feminist. Who wouldn’t want equal rights for all sexes. Mormonism–I feel trapped sometimes. I know the Church is true, yet I hate the social norms that take place.
My name is Stephanie. I am from Southern California, and am currently transplanted to SLC because my husband and I are attending the University of Utah. (husband is from SLC) I am Pre-Med & I am going to Medical school in a year and a half. I want to be an OB/GYN. I love politics, making points and fighting social norms. I love running, I hate snow & we have a cute little cat named Sophie.
Comment by thisisstefi — February 19, 2010 @ 7:51 pm
I found you by searching for Lynn Bryson on Yahoo search. I was trying to find all of the lyrics to a song he wrote at BYU. Somewhere–lost–is my copy of the record. Anyway, after reading your intro letter (sorry, haven’t had time to read anyone else’s), I have only one thing to say…….members who react to non-members that way are not living their religion. Controlling contact (meaning supervision, or specific events, places, etc) makes a lot more sense because we’re all supposed to be missionaries and the impression left by actions like these will reverberate through the non-Mormon population like swine flu When “one person can make a difference,” this isn’t the difference we want to make, is it?
Comment by DJ — February 20, 2010 @ 9:50 pm
Oh, after reading through some of the posts I have a piece of advice, passed on from Elanore Roosevelt:
No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.
Comment by DJ — February 20, 2010 @ 9:53 pm
DJ
if you’re still reading, I suggest you spend some time actually reading the comments in this thread before you make judgments about us.
thanks,
Comment by mfranti — February 21, 2010 @ 6:09 pm
I found fMh randomly while looking at some other blogs on the “Bloggernacle” a few years ago. I was relatively young and still living in the “bubble” then so like any traditional Mormon would I freaked out and high-tailed it out of here. Now I’m back with enlightened eyes.
I participate (well I haven’t “participated” literally yet but I read every post) because I am a minority in a sea of individuals who think there is nothing wrong with the position of women in the church. They are entitled to their opinion, but I have been scarred by my experiences growing up.
I am a feminist through and through, much to my family’s horror. Feminists are unfortunately man-hating, SAHM-hating radical wingnuts in their eyes, and nothing I say or do changes that. I recently underwent a serious “trial of my faith” with Mormonism because I grew up believing the “church” was perfect and the prophets were always right and there was a “reason” (re: excuse) for things like blacks and the priesthood and polygamy. I’m slowly trying to deprogram years of what can only be labeled indoctrination and find my own, peaceful path.
I am 19-year-old uni student studying foreign affairs (particularly gender politics) and sociology (with a focus on gender and family). Obviously gender is a big deal to me! I have a lovely boyfriend. I enjoy traveling, reading, and crocheting when I’m not bogged down with school (which is never these days).
Comment by Loveday — March 1, 2010 @ 8:38 pm
here goes something.
How did you find fMh?
searching for something about garments… probably about people’s opinions about what you can do during the post baby disgusting goo situation. found the post about ‘what changes would you like to see to” or whatever it was. i liked that it was a good mix of people responding.
Why do you participate here?
i like feeling like i have an understanding of things, and i especially like bouncing ideas off of people. i have had a lot of questions about life my whole life, and about church since i joined, and who doesn’t like finding people who feel like them? i do tend to play devil’s advocate, so i will probably spend a lot of time apologizing (as i am also a total softie-bad combination!). i also really really like to talk (see below and way way too long posts as evidence).
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
i was a 100% through and through riotgrrrl in high school (i’m approaching 30 now). i started getting disillusioned with mainstream interpretations of feminism really early on, and preferred names like ‘peopleism’ or whatever else means ‘i think having Christ-like love is the most most most important thing in the world’, although i didn’t have any kind of belief in Jesus before i became mormon, and would have called it ‘i think people should quit being judgemental a-holes’.
i got a bachelors in philosophy because i was a ’seeker’, and found lots of little bits i liked but nothing that ‘felt like remembering’. i had read just about every anti-mormon thing i could get my eyes on, and recognized a greater than usual (usual to religious criticism) occurrence of and dependence on logical fallacies to make their points. after i graduated, i remembered something my friend had said when i was 17 about how ‘his church is the restoration of Christ’s church from when he was on earth’ and so i decided i had good enough reason to look into it from the mormon point of view. my favorite religion had always been judaism, and although i didn’t believe in Jesus (i had just started to believe in God during college learning about Kierkegaard!), i couldn’t find it in me to abandon the idea of Him. well what do you know, i got a testimony, and it is the BEST thing that every happened to me (DH and kids would not exist w/o it, so it wins).
i am glad i get to stay home with my kids, but i would not and do not want to tell other people what is best for them. i think children need to be loved (in every sense of the word), and if they are, you won’t hear me complaining. i don’t mind having my husband be called my head or being told he presides over our house, because he is fair (to the point where i end up with more than i would have done for myself), loyal, and loving. if he were not, i would mind. i am so grateful to have the priesthood in our house, and i’d much rather it be only him than neither of us.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
i’m a mommy of two little boys who were born way too close together. my house is never clean but never destroyed, either. i have a pretty significant case of ocd and have my whole life. i love long hair but i am never patient enough to grow mine past my shoulders. i’ve played guitar and sang in a band, but i am good at neither. i love agreeing to disagree, as well as finding common ground. i would (almost) always rather make a friend than an enemy, no matter how little i have in common with someone, but if someone hurts children, it makes me want to smash in their face.
Comment by pdig — March 3, 2010 @ 6:40 pm
I found fMh through my hypno-birthing, yoga-instructing, intellectually-stimulating, open-minded oldest sister. We are both active, testimony having members of the church. But both of us are questioners and we love flying in the face of authority of all kinds. This generates friction, as we are a part of a church so heavily based on authority. I am not afraid of controversy. I believe the credibility of the gospel can withstand every controversial subject, and if it can’t then it’s not true. Therefore I believe it is essential for me to educate myself on all the controversies of the church in an effort to actually strengthen my testimony. So just the title “Feminist Mormon Housewives” was enough to capture my attention.
Why am I here? Because I’m tired of being made to feel like an apostate just because I question. I’m not an apostate. I’m tired of feeling sketchy and rebellious for my sincere desire to know more about the place and destiny of women. I’m tired of these subjects being swept under the rug.
Someone might classify me as a feminist. But the term itself suggests that I focus only on the feminine, and either neglect or resent the masculine side of things. But I don’t. I appreciate both masculinity and femininity. I would call my self an equalist, an individualist, a personist.
I am a nineteen-year-old BYU art student. I have lived in Utah my entire life. I resent the stigma that Utah Mormons are weak in testimony, and follow like thoughtless sheep. BYU students carry this stigma even more intensely, but neither are true. (In most cases, hahaha. There is, of course, the occasional psycho on campus.)
Comment by Juliahelen — March 5, 2010 @ 6:04 pm
“But the term itself suggests that I focus only on the feminine, and either neglect or resent the masculine side of things.”
Glad you came to read Juliahelen
Comment by April — March 5, 2010 @ 6:10 pm
Welcome Juliahelen!
Welcome to everyone that is new to fMh or at least new to leaving comments.
We’re happy to have you here.
Comment by mfranti — March 5, 2010 @ 6:12 pm
“i love long hair but i am never patient enough to grow mine past my shoulders.” - I’m so in the same boat… well, that and my hair isn’t very thick so that puts a kink in having really long hair too…
“but if someone hurts children, it makes me want to smash in their face.” - ME TOO!
Welcome!
Comment by April — March 5, 2010 @ 6:16 pm
I found this blog from a link on T & S. It was probably in 2008 or so, I’, not sure. I remember I thought it was great that anyone could participate and I found it stimulating and thought provoking, if not particularly enlightening. I don’t read or participate as much now. I find that I have changed from the time when I was dissatisfied with my lot and chafed under the cruel tyranny (tongue in cheek) of the male hierarchy.
I think feminism has its place. I believe in equality and respect for women. But, somewhere along the line I stopped feeling persecuted for who I am. It doesn’t matter who that might be feminist, not feminist, woman or just my very own personal quirky, impulsive, self.
I can’t say why I keep reading and occasionally commenting when I don’t feel especially welcome. I think it is because of the informality and the fact that real answers are apparently desired.
I like that I don’t have to work outside the home. I tried it. I didn’t like it as much as doing my own thing in my own way in my own good time.
What is there to say about myself. I’ve been getting the AARP bulletin for a few years now. I graduated from BYU before it was the Harvard of the west (where does that leave Stanford). I have a degree in history. I also studied psychology. If I had it do over again I would study English. I spent two years in the Austrian Mission and worked for the FBI for awhile. I’m married to a man who knows how to treat a woman. If a writer is anyone who writes, I am a writer. I also reared three boys and two girls. Four of them are married.
Comment by Claudia — March 5, 2010 @ 7:52 pm
whoa! why do you say that?
I read your comments and I’ve never thought anything negative. I can tell you have a lot of experience and I’m grateful that you share it with us.
Comment by mfranti — March 5, 2010 @ 7:58 pm
hey claudia, well im glad your here for what its worth!
and april, im glad im in good company
Comment by pdig — March 7, 2010 @ 10:55 am
youre! YOURE!
Comment by pdig — March 7, 2010 @ 10:56 am
re 410 I have to agree with Mfranti.
However, if you are more comfortable being a lurker, I understand that too… I don’t think anyone intended for you to feel unwelcome.
Comment by April — March 7, 2010 @ 3:11 pm
april-
Oh it’s good to know that feminists are not misandryists! Thank you for making the distinction! Because I’ve been unsure whether I am a feminist or not… I was afraid it didn’t actually describe my views!
Comment by Juliahelen — March 7, 2010 @ 8:42 pm
Mfranti, pdig, April, thank you for your kind words. I think it is virtually impossible for me to be silent indefinately. I just need to let my insecurities go.
Comment by Claudia — March 8, 2010 @ 11:36 am
This site was recommended to me the other day by a sister-friend in my ward. The level of naivety and denial in our Relief Society is endlessly frustrating, and my friend says reading this site makes her feel like she’s not alone in feeling alone at church. (Just FYI: She is married, born-into the church and I am a divorced, single-mom convert of nearly 7 years.) I guess you could say we are more liberal-minded than most, and more realistic and outspoken about human behavior/relations than most. We don’t share the la-dee-da mind-set that Mormon families are superior to “civilians” in their behavior or relationships (especially behind closed doors). I guess we’ve seen and endured too much to be able to white-wash the things we’ve learned. I want the church to lift me up, but not to do so at the expense of completely pretending that man’s inhumanity to women and children does not at all exist.
Comment by SoFlaMama — March 8, 2010 @ 9:57 pm
I just saw a comment about this post, which I somehow haven’t noticed.
I found FMH after the infamous talk by Julie Beck (2007?)–I was still fairly new to the world of blogs, and that was my introduction to the bloggernacle. It’s been a good one. I lurke often, have been commenting more lately.
I’ve always been a bit of a feminist in opionions, but not in title. Alhtough I’m glad I have a better understanidng of what that word means and am not afraid to use it. I want my daughter to never wish she was a boy–I want her to be able to achieve everything she wants as a girl and to be respected and valued for her choices, whatever they end up being.
I am a lifelong active mormon, family goes back generations, still strong in my belief of my Heavenly Parents, the Book of Mormon, and the gospel. Little shakier on some aspects of the church, but I am growing into the idea that as humans, we are weak and make a lot of mistakes, and I think a lot of issues I have with the church fall into that explanation. I hope to see great strides made, but for now I try to remember that I’m far from perfect as well.
I am also a “housewife” (hate that term though). I’ve been married for 7 years this month, have a 5 year old and a 3 year old who I love, and am driven crazy by on a regular basis. I have only worked a VERY little since having my first baby and now homeschool, so not looking into working full time again anytime soon.
Born and raised in the Bay Area (East Bay, but not as liberal as Berkeley), got a BS in Zoology from BYU, lived in San Diego for several years, where I met DH. I did 1 year of master’s work in education before getting pregnant and too sick to keep going. I returned to BYU in 2006 when DH started his MBA, and then moved to North Carolina in 2008 for his job. I love to run, read, write, spend time at the beach, craft with my kids (and on my own when I can keep them out), play in the yard with the dog, build stuff, bake, organize things (especially other people’s things), travel, learn about new topics. I hope to eventually become a certified lactation consultant, love that I’m giving my children a different education than what many of their peers are getting, and dream about the day that we can move to the Central Coast in CA and open a bed and breakfast on a small vineyard (table grapes, of course), with a few chickens running around and maybe a pot bellied pig.
Love this site and knowing that there are so many people out there who think about all the things that are discussed here.
Comment by Kim — March 9, 2010 @ 2:04 pm
In the last year or so that I’ve been lurking here, how did I miss a call for introductions?!
I’m a relatively new commenter, though I commented on a hot topic back when I started reading and subsequently backed off from participating for quite some time. I was new to group blogs and used to being misunderstood in person, so I was sensitive to representing myself badly online as well. After a few blunders I went into quiet mode, but I never stopped reading. I have since learned the etiquette of commenting (I hope!) and I try my hardest to make sure I either have something personally relevant or constructive to add to the discussion. And I’m a bit overly sensitive to not being responded to…but I think I’m developing a thicker skin even as I type this. I feel very welcome here and absolutely love and appreciate what is offered so openly. I want to add my voice to the community and help it to expand in my own sphere of influence, but I fully recognize that I still have SO much to learn from women who have been pondering and fighting these issues for much longer than I have. Thank you for sharing your experiences and for being who you are, bold and beautiful.
As far as how I got here, I’m not sure I remember what led me to fMh, but I do remember how I felt about Feminist and church issues when I first arrived, and it is VASTLY different from how I feel now, all for the better. I’m still not decided on *every* Mormon feminist issue, but I am keeping my mind open, and I think I’m surprising myself with what I actually believe as I search my soul.
As I read similar stories here and at other Mormon feminist sites, I feel less and less alone and frustrated in my small minded community, but more eager to DO something. I am excited to continue from here and to get to know you all better.
Oh, and I’m a mother of 3 daughters, with a 4th child (a surprise “oops”) on the way (not sure what it is yet - 3 more weeks!). I am currently raising them to the best of my ability full time, but I’m eager to get back to some form of medical/healing career when they are all in school. My husband is a convert who still holds on to some of the more liberal views of his former UCC congregation, so it hasn’t been a struggle for him to accept my ranting over issues that I discuss with him from places like this. I’d say we’re a family of Feminists, and proud of it!
Comment by corktree — March 9, 2010 @ 10:56 pm
Welcome Corktree!
Comment by mfranti — March 9, 2010 @ 11:07 pm
Yes, nice to get to know you better, corktree. Wow, UCC to LDS, that’s quite a transition for your DH! That must have been quite an adjustment for him.
Comment by Lorian — March 9, 2010 @ 11:09 pm
In high school I was a Republican because I had never thought about it and because everyone at church was. Then I went to BYU and studied Sociology. I went from Republican to Independent to Democrat in a few years, and here I am now.
I found FMH because I was lonely. I knew there must be more Mormons who were liberal, but I hadn’t ever really met any (though I had basically talked my husband into being one and a lot of my fellow Soc. majors were leaners for sure). I started Googling and ended up here.
That was a few years ago. I’ve dropped in from time to time, but never really felt strongly enough to comment or read daily. In the past half a year or so, however, I’ve been feeling like I’m drowning — there are so many issues I have with Church policy (and often doctrine) that I wasn’t sure if I should even stay.
Reading this blog has helped me sort through what I think and feel immensely. Through prayer and talking with my husband I feel like I’m at a good place. Anyway.
I’m a mom of two kids and manager of my husband’s business. I like quilting, reading, and playing video games. If I didn’t have a family I would probably be starting up a nonprofit or something. I’m a strong advocate of extended nursing and home birth/birth center birth. I’m thinking about writing on a more regular basis — I’ve had some people who would know tell me I could get published with a little effort, but I’ve never had the dedication to find the time. I’m just so busy!
Comment by Melynna — March 13, 2010 @ 5:04 pm
That never happens to LDS couples.
Yes, some friends had a classic “oops”, where she was on the 3rd day of her period when they got married. It’s not possible to get pregnant during that week, right?
So, they waited a few days to start using “precautions”. 9 months later, guess what they had!
Sorry for the slight hijack.
Juliahelen: I get a little of that when I ask questions that make others think.
Kim: I’m in San Jose.
Comment by Mike H. — March 13, 2010 @ 5:27 pm
I found this site by goggling liberal Mormons. I found Molly Mormon Democrat and that brought me here. This was just a few days ago, but I’m already hooked.
I am excited to start participating. So far, I have read all the introductions. Still have to read a lot of posts before I open my big mouth. But, don’t worry, I will; not much can stop me from doing that.
I resonated with so much of what has been said in the intros. Being a liberal is enough all by itself, but questioning things?, it is all just to much for my ward and my relatives to handle. I desperately need a place to go to explore ideas and use my brain.
I am no doubt a Mormon feminist. I come from Mormon pioneer stock, but I was raised in an inactive home. I became active in college, married in the Temple, raised 5 kids, am a baby boomer, and a G-ma (according to my teenage granddaughters). I have been active on and off most my 40 years of marriage. I blamed it on my bi-polar tendencies, but it may have just been my disillusioned self taking a break to gain my bearings.
I am a sahm taking care of a disabled daughter. I love to garden, bat ideas around with my very intelligent kids when they visit, and talk politics with my newly liberal husband ( 8 years of Bush pushed him over to my side of the aisle, nice to have company).
I love to read: mysteries, biographies, mysteries, self-help, biographies, thrillers, but mostly mysteries. Taking care of the house comes and goes with the manics.
Comment by Idaho G-Ma — March 14, 2010 @ 6:08 pm
ok…. really need to take the time and read all the intros…. heck mine has probably changed from why back when, when I put it up…
anyhow… WELCOME HOME PEOPLE!
Comment by April — March 14, 2010 @ 6:14 pm
re: post #424. As you can tell from my info I am older. I guess that is why I am still so internet illiterate. I didn’t mean to announce to the world my whole name. The relatives hate me enough already, I prefer to be known as IdahoG-ma. I know, I shouldn’t care what they think, but apparently I am still a wimp. Guess we’ll find out now how they will take it. Oh, yeah….., they wouldn’t be on here.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — March 14, 2010 @ 6:43 pm
Valory-
Yes. That’s a diplomatic way of putting it, LOL. I didn’t notice it because I grew up in it, but once I joined the service and began traveling all over the place, I discovered that I considered what others saw as friendly as positively gushing. I got used to it, though, and my personal space radius is only 3 ft instead of 12 ft now. Since I am a nurse, my comparative openess and friendliness is tolerated well here. What I do like about New England is that folks say it like it is and no one holds it against each other. Once we make up our minds, you’ve got a friend for life and there’s very little most of us wouldn’t do for you. I can appreciate the frustration of someone trying to acclimate to both our climate and our culture. You just have to wait for the thaw.
Comment by Kimberly — March 14, 2010 @ 6:55 pm
Kimberly -
“You just have to wait for the thaw.” What a perfect image! We moved to our little village in mid-October, with the snow flurries swirling about. It wasn’t until spring came that we really got to know our neighbors, because during winter everyone stays inside and keeps to themselves to survive the weather. When the flowers started to bloom again, what became our life-long friendships began to bloom as well. New Englanders are a special breed, and are some of the finest people I’ve ever met.
Comment by Valory — March 14, 2010 @ 11:15 pm
Amen to New England! My husband is a native and I had the privilege of spending our first 5 years together in beautiful New Hampshire with beautiful people. I would give just about anything to move back.
IdahoG-ma - where are you in Idaho? We’re currently in SE Boise, but I won’t say anything negative just yet.
Comment by corktree — March 15, 2010 @ 10:56 pm
Corktree- I am in the Boise area, but I was raised in SE Idaho, and my husband is from there. Don’t even get me started on that. They are the relatives that figure I am Satan’s spawn, and that Glen Beck is a Prophet. There are a few exceptions, and boy, do I appreciate them.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — March 16, 2010 @ 5:05 pm
How did you find fMh?
Just found fMh because I was looking for a funeral potatoes recipe for a funeral tomorrow. Although the gal in charge just called and said they have too many signed up for potatoes and they need me to bring fruit or pasta.
Why do you participate here?
I just read the post about church being at 1 and how tough that is to manage. Since I’m new here, I think my main reason for participating is to be with like-minded people. I’d like to not be thought of as crazy because I actually do believe in global warming and that health care does need to be reformed (even though the government may not do the best job at it something must be done!). Also, Mormon DOES NOT EQUAL Republican. It would be nice to be able to talk about politics and be understood.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
My take on feminism is that women can do pretty much anything a man can do and that women shouldn’t be treated worse than men just because of their gender. I am a faithful, active member of the church and I strive to live the faith. I don’t call myself a housewife because it makes it sound like all I do is hang around the house. I love taking care of my husband, my children (1 boy - 5 in May and 1 girl - 2 yrs. old), and our home but it is a tough job.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am Chinese and came to the US when I was 8. I joined the church when I was 15, attended BYU, got a degree in mechanical engineering, worked a few years for a large chemical company, got laid-off, worked at another company, and stopped working when we had our first child. I live in a very red state and am surrounded by conservatives. Sometimes I feel claustrophic from the conservative mindset, especially from the members. Whenever I hear someone mention a conservative viewpoint or try to use Church doctrine to justify right-wing dogma it drives me crazy. I try really hard not to get into political discussions with anyone from church because I don’t want to make enemies. I feel people don’t like me because I am different from and think differently than the people around me.
Comment by Linda — March 18, 2010 @ 3:45 pm
Hi, Linda. Well put. You’re in the right place. By the way, you’re not from SW Idaho are ya?
Comment by IdahoG-ma — March 18, 2010 @ 6:34 pm
I found fMh through a friend who was searching for me for Mormons I could “talk to” (she’s not lds) after I went through somewhat of a crisis of faith during and after the California Prop 8 fiasco. That (ongoing) issue is what gave me the courage to begin actually voicing an opinion about the things that dishearten me about the church. I love the gospel and love my heritage and will always be Mormon in my heart and soul. I believe that the church culture can change and it will be because of people like the people here who TALK and DISCUSS and LISTEN. I have a small dream, that in my small sphere, I will be able to lovingly elicit movement in hearts and minds, that people will find their Truth.
I’ve popped in from time to time, and always find interesting discussions. I see that there are some regulars here and really appreciate the time you put into initiating and furthering the discussions. I look forward to hanging out here as time allows. It’s worth it.
Comment by Thoroughly Modern Molly — March 18, 2010 @ 11:06 pm
this is my first time “participating” though i’ve read off and on for several months. i was raised in an active home, married at 18, first child at 19, extremely happy and faithful all along. and then, somewhere between my 3rd and 4th children and my parents divorce, i broke. at first i felt that it was just an emotional thing, i’d recover, but as i did i found my footing within the church was no longer stable.
i came down with a bad case of “mother hunger,” although it took me 3 years to discover that’s what it was. i yearn for an understanding of my heavenly mother, i want to know who she is and what she’s doing. if all things in this world are a type of things to come in the next, then where does that put me as a “celestialized” woman? what role will i have in my children’s lives? if i knew that my children were suffering, there’s nothing that could stop me from making contact with me, and yet… here, we have no contact or knowledge or information about her?
i do believe that men and women are different and have different roles. i believe that men have the priesthood in order to bring out their feminine side, to become more nurturing. but as we watch women (especially mormon women) put on the mask and pretend everything is perfect, i have to wonder if we’re not missing the point of womanhood and femininity.
and so i prod on as a mormon, unwilling to disrupt my happy family and leave in order to find truth. i guess my hope is that there is room in the church for revelation, room for change, room for growth, room for me. i can’t take away the experiences in my life where i have KNOWN that the church was true. but i am growing tired of seeing the gospel from a man’s perspective.
xoxo
Comment by jenica — March 19, 2010 @ 6:19 pm
Hey jenica! You are soo in good company here, as I’m sure you’ve seen already. Welcome!
Comment by pdig — March 19, 2010 @ 6:42 pm
I commend you on your tremendous effort.
I can’t even imagine how hard it must be for you to be so conflicted, constantly…to be filled with animosity toward the church and it’s members, and yet retain the label of “a member of the LDS church”…
i think it’s probably safe to say that you’re delaying the inevitable… you probably wont be a member of the church for much longer, and that is regrettable.
try letting love rule your heart.
best wishes,
a brother
Comment by a brother — March 21, 2010 @ 3:55 am
Wow, mister sarcastic. Way to totally discount the spirit. Not only the fact that it HAS spoken to her, but giving up any hope that it will again. It sounds like you might be the one who needs to learn a little bit about love.
Comment by pdig — March 21, 2010 @ 12:42 pm
LOL i just have to laugh when i see a “brother” decide he can have an opinion on a women’s feelings. if the roles were reversed, if he had to go through a female god to receive salvation…
Comment by jenica — March 22, 2010 @ 11:15 am
Thanks, IdahoG-ma. I’m actually in SE Wyoming but I know at least one Idahoan here.
Comment by Linda — March 24, 2010 @ 5:52 pm
I’ve been lurking a long time, and thought I’d finally post here.
My husband recently left the church, so I’ve been doing a lot of LDS-related internet reading. It’s hard for me to see some things in the Church the same way, but I like how fmh has a new perspective (one that knows “the rest of the story”), is understanding of people in different situations (and other faiths, or non-faith), and has practical ideas for living the gospel.
I have in the past been somewhat reluctant to use the feminist label (I consider myself more of a people-ist), but I won’t deny it either.
I live in Albuquerque, and mainly take care of my three kids, ages 1,3, and 5, though I also love to read and play video games.
I’ve enjoyed reading here, though I haven’t posted much.
Comment by Andrea — March 28, 2010 @ 1:13 pm
I just came across this amazing site this Easter. I was searching online, not even sure what it was I was looking for at the moment. The name of the blog and the exchange about the feelings about the temple caught my eye and I can began to read. I am in awe about the courage and honestly in thought exchanges on this site. I myself experienced the thought process, struggles, questions, and reactions described here and did all that was in my power to reach out to those around me, from my husband, to his family, my family, and to church leaders just to be faced with defensiveness and diagnosis that ultimately I should not feel what I feel, I should not question what I question and it is my unworthiness that put me in this miserable place. I felt so incredibly alone and the facade of silence and inability to have an honest conversation with anyone around me became unbearable. I of course tried to do everything “right”, think right but it is almost funny how strong of reactions I was facing trying to fake the perfect life just to finally be like those around me. It took me a good seven years to come to terms with who I am and to get rid of the guilt, stop apologizing for my questions, feelings, and thought process. Oddly enough it has allowed me to build the more direct, closer relationship with God, which I always desired. And now to find a place where I am not the odd one. Where everything that comes out of my mouth is not labeled apostasy is such an amazing Easter gift. As to my feminism. I love men, I believe in balance and respect though as a core of any relationship, not focus on power and authority. I believe in listening to people and learning from them regardless of gender. I believe if there is something inspiring about someone, I should humble myself enough to learn from it. I do not however believe that simply gender or a title is sufficient to assert the authority to teach anyone. It is in our organization simply sufficient to assert power. And does power not corrupt:)? Don’t we quote that little pearl of wisdom ofter? The lack of balance in our patriarchal church structure is truly damaging the most to the church itself. How ridiculous that self awareness of women is even thought of as a culprit for problems? Why is it such a threat? Is it because the focus of some church leaders is on preserving the patriarchal status quo, and protecting their power rather than truly embracing the spirit and strength unity of the matriarchal and patriarchal forces? How about let’s realize how many strong, intelligent, humble women are not represented and do not see themselves anywhere in the most important moments of their spiritual life. How about let’s fix our motherless home and let women truly flourish without a need for approval from anyone else but the Heavenly Parents. We need our voice to be heard. I think as women, we understand that though our earthly counterparts might think they are the experts on who we are and what we need, it is our Creators that truly have the insight into our souls. I always felt understood by God after all, but not so much by his so called servants that continue to try to find boundaries and definitions to something they are not able to comprehend in a first place. I am glad at this time in my life that I am able to giggle uncontrollably when a priesthood holder is teaching me about an experience of being a woman. But on a day like to day I am mostly glad that I am no longer alone. That someone started that blog and that you all contribute to it. I hope if I am ever blessed with a daughter, that she will not have to go through the devastating years I had to go through and that one day looking around the church she will be able to hear and see that she is not doomed because of her womanhood, but heard, listened to, valued for who she is and represented through the leadership of this church. We say so often ” it is not good for men to be alone”, we elaborate on it. And yet we figure that in the best interest of this organization we will leave it directly up to men. Alone:).
Comment by iks — April 4, 2010 @ 1:20 pm
Well said, iks. So glad that you found this blog on Easter Sunday, and that it comforts you to know that you are not alone in your thoughts and questions.
Comment by Valory — April 4, 2010 @ 11:55 pm
I guess I should introduce myself!
I have been reading on and off for a while now, my sister introduced me to fMh. I don’t think she comments, just reads.
I don’t comment much but have a few times.
I was raised LDS I started doing “bad things” with my boyfriend and then my sister started seeing all the LDS past and I guess by the time I thought I should get back onto the “right path” I was too much of a feminist to go back to a patriarchal faith. I still consider myself Christian but I am not that religious or active in any spiritual way, although lately I have been thinking more about it. Which is why I’ve been here more frequently and decided I should do the introduction.
Comment by nm — April 5, 2010 @ 2:22 pm
Well, I just realized there was already a Claudia here, and so I guess I’m posting my intro to clear up any confusion I might have inadvertently caused. I’m ClaudiaHen now to avoid confusion.
I found fMh a few months ago. I’m not even sure how, maybe through Mormon Stories? I put it in my blog reader and couldn’t help commenting when the Conference threads started up.
I love the thoughtful, deep ideas found here. I love that we are seeking for improvement, but not putting up a facade of perfection. I love that we can be open and honest about the things that bother us. I love that we can in some small way ease one another’s burdens.
Well, I’ve always been a bit of a feminist, but full realized how much I am a few years ago. It’s something I’m passionate about. I love my faith, but sometimes I feel left out, other, or just like I don’t belong, because I tend to more liberal views on things and because I’m not so absolute in proclamations of truth. I have a strong testimony of Christ, and I’m coming around to the Book of Mormon, but still not sure what I think about the current church leadership and the spirit of exclusion I often feel at church. As far as being a housewife, I’m not overly domestic (I hate to cook and clean), but I love being a mom and wife.
First off, I consider myself a writer and a great reader. I’m currently finishing up a BS in English and ironically enough for hanging out here, Marriage and Family Life. I love learning about child development and I’m passionate about literature. I’m the mother to four children, three boys, 7, 6, and 4, and one girl, 2. My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years, and he is the love of my life–I truly believe we were brought together for a purpose. He is spectacularly egalitarian, even more than I am sometimes. He cooks dinner most night. I run a pretty successful crafting blog and I had a magazine column for a little over three years, but gave that up after burn out set in. I also struggle with depression–I’m not formally diagnosed, but I strongly suspect I’m bipolar II.
Comment by ClaudiaHen — April 8, 2010 @ 12:36 am
How did you find fMh?:
I don’t remember my first time visiting, but the second time (which what made be lurk often) was because I wanted to know about the Church’s policy on male modesty. I was frustrated at the lack of talking to men about showing off their body’s and that no one seemed to care about young men strutting without their shirts on during an activity, but would freak out if they saw a girl wear a tank-top.
Why do you participate here?:
Because I want to find an answer as to why women have no authority; submit to their husbands; can’t make marriage covenants directly with God, but through her husband; why they can’t be THE leader or co-leader (like marriage structure, RS pres. w/ out PH moderation, etc.); “divine role”; polygamy; so-on and so-forth.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not):
I love the Church. The only thing I don’t like is the patriarchal structure. But I don’t want to leave. I know too much and have had too many good experiences to leave. I hope to one day understand why women are held to their current expectations and limitations. So far I haven’t found an answer, but I figured I won’t unless the Church comes out with something or if I die.
I don’t really have a problem with parent roles so much, as in like hunter/gatherer type role. ‘Cause if I look at it in a practical sense, one person has got to stay home an watch the kids and someone’s gotta bring in the food. Since (most) men are physically stronger, they do the hunting. That makes sense. Since we live in a modern society where in order to eat, we need money (no physical strength, as much), I feel that if the husband and wife find that their traditional parental roles don’t work out for them, but the other way around; why not do it the way that’s best for them?
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you:
I’m Kaptain_K, I won’t say my real name just yet, but my first name starts with a K if some of you didn’t realize what the “K” was for.
I’m a student and I work in retail at the same time. I’m approaching 20 in a few days, I’m an active member and I want to go on a mission. Although, I don’t feel ready about going to the temple yet. There’s a lot of different reasons, but I mostly don’t feel that I can make a big promise to God yet. Especially, the promises about my “divine role.”
Anyway, that’s me.
Comment by Kaptain_K — April 9, 2010 @ 1:58 am
How did you find fMh?
I found FMH about 6 months ago. It was actually my husband who found it for me! I was wondering why I only connected with non-mormon friends and if there were ANY intellectually stimulating mormon women out there! Yay for this wonderful site! I was also struggling (and continue to struggle) with the systemic oppression of mormon women and particular aspects of the temple ceremony that made me very concerned/angry…
Why do you participate here?
I am new, but I am hoping to connect and process thoughts and ideas with others…
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I was raised (I feel grateful) with a strong, working, mormon mother and consider myself a feminist - I have for about 6 years now.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m 25 years old, married (no kids). I live in New York and recently graduated in my MA in marriage and family therapy. In the fall I am starting a doctoral program in clinical psychology while my husband supports me financially! For the most part, I have a VERY happy life! I love friends, anything outdoors, fine food, traveling, and learning.
So glad to be here. Love, Becky - you can call me BEX
Comment by Becky — April 10, 2010 @ 7:38 pm
24, married, no kids, grad student, lifelong member (husband too), LDS families.
I stumbled across FMH in 2006, around the time I was married at the ripe age of 20. At this time I was starting to struggle with my identity as a female in the church (having just gone through the temple for the first time… the teeny little feminist inside my head started squirming and hasn’t stopped since!)
Since then I’ve been lurking off & on. fMh has become a comforting, inspiring, and enlightening place for me to go when dealing with thoughts that I literally feel I have no one to turn to with (although before now I haven’t posted, only listened).
And as of late I’ve been going through a major faith crisis (really similar to what fMhLisa’s went through. My strong LDS family is loving, supportive and intelligent, and won’t squelch questioning, but they have all the standard “right” answers… it seems that without having gone through a major faith crisis of your own, the standard answers usually suffice.
The factor that sets my situation into “crisis” mode is that I’m also struggling with being married for a variety of reasons (none of which being that my husband is a bad person– quite the opposite). He supports me in questioning things to a degree, but also offers the standard answers (not helping), and it’s difficult to have a deep conversation about it without emotions getting in the way: my passion for the issue and his defensiveness for the church- always, a righteous representative…
Anyway, it’s important to me to read about your experiences dealing with these issues, often within a marriage. I love you all for your wisdom that I learn from all the time.
Comment by SweetD — April 13, 2010 @ 3:09 am
I can’t remember if I replied here, but I don’t think I did. I found FMH in 2005, I think. My boyfriend (now husband) was a member and I was taking an elective religion class my freshman year and was trying to learn about the church. I had an experience that convinced me that I needed to join the church. Life has its twists and turns, and I finally joined at age 27. I have always been a feminist and can’t imagine living any other way…My mother raised me to believe I could do anything and to fight injustice and inequality in the world. I had done all of my homework before being baptized, so I knew all the warts and knew what I was getting myself into.
On a more personal level, I’ve been married almost 9 years, have a 2 year old, and work as a librarian. I’m dying to meet other NC FMHers because I feel out of place in my ward, which consists mostly of Utah born and bred lifelong members who are students at the nearby college.
Comment by thebookharlot — April 13, 2010 @ 7:41 pm
How did you find fMh?
Honestly I can’t even remember….I’m sure I was just looking around on the internet for some good reading material about the great gender divide in the Church, and I somehow ended up here!
Why do you participate here?
I don’t participate here too much, because I’m intimidated by all the amazing writers who frequent this blog, and my lack of writing skills, however I do check up on this site quite often to see what’s going on, who’s talking about which issues, or pleasantries, and to help my own testimony along, and to get advice from the wonderful ladies (and gentlemen) who post here. It gives me hope and inspiration to get through those really crappy days.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I guess you could say I’ve always been a bit of a feminist, but I didn’t realize it and it didn’t really show until I joined the Church a few years ago. I absolutely despise to see women being oppressed in any way. And as much as I dislike some of the cultural aspects of the Church, I do love the doctrine and scriptures and the teachings (most of them, anyway). It’s a lifestyle that I can work with, and there’s SUBSTANCE in this church, one could study it for YEARS without running out of things to learn. On housewifery, it’s something I struggle with a little bit. I didn’t grow up with the notion being shoved down my throat that I had to be little miss perfect wife who did every single dish and cooked every single meal, etc etc. And being slightly lazy and a bit of a procrastinator, combined it doesn’t make for very good housewife material. However, I am striving to be better at cleaning the house etc, because I know that it’s MY responsibility as WELL as my husband’s. We’re working on it.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
My name is Sarah. I’m 22 years old, I joined the Church when I was 19 and got married that same year. We have no children and he is going back to University this fall to be a high school chemistry teacher. I’m not quite sure what I want to be when I grow up, so right now I’m working on getting a better paying job to support us financially while he’s in school, and we’ll figure my dreams out after
Comment by Sarah — April 17, 2010 @ 3:56 pm
I found fmh a few months back while randomly perusing the internet and have been reading like crazy ever since…but haven’t gotten up the nerve to post until tonight! I am not Mormon nor do I have any real leanings towards going that direction, though I am always interested in learning new things. I have had many friends who are Mormon, and have read much of the BoM myself, so I do feel that I am about as educated as a non-member can be. The main reasons I read (and now maybe participate in!) fmh are the wonderful posts and the openmindedness of this blog. Despite the difference of faith (I am eclectic and non-specific in my beliefs), I feel a real sense of kindred spirit with a lot of the comments here. Perhaps it is the common bond of feminism!
Speaking of which, I do not believe either gender to be superior nor do I think that we should strive to be the same. To me, is simply a matter of equal respect for the diverse talents and strengths that both men and women have to offer.
About me: I am 21 years old, unmarried, without children, and currently studying abroad in Spain! I am quickly approaching graduation time without any clear direction of where I want to go from here (what does one do with a Spanish degree??). My passions are languages, traveling, reading, gardening, loving my friends and family, the outdoors, crafts, cooking, dancing…i could go on and on! I was raised by a wonderful independent mother who taught me to think for myself and never accept what other people said just because they were older or “smarter” than me. I think that made for some awkward and infuriating moments as I grew up but helped me to be the strong woman I am today. I don’t want to forget my dad either, who, though I didn’t spend as much time with him, gave me my love of working on/building things, outdoor sports, and cooking!
Comment by rynlyn — April 20, 2010 @ 6:38 pm
I was introduced about a month ago to fmh by my sister, who lurks. I’ve always been a dissenter when it comes to non-doctrinal mormon culture. This is probably thanks to my dad who raised us to vote Democrat and wishes to be cremated without a funeral (doesn’t want the plan of salvation talk). I get frustrated with RS/Gospel Doctrine lessons that proclaim as doctrine things that have been said by GAs but are not necessarily scripture. That said, I do believe in the Gospel of Jesus Christ.
I grew up in a Big Mormon Family in a tiny town in northern Montana. We were considered weird and nerds. I spent my four years at BYU, married, graduated, lived in Ohio, LA, and now Northern VA. I have a Muslim friend down the street and a Colombian neighbor. My ward is full of people who have lived in areas from Russia to China to Chile. I have five children ages 4-12. I hate to do housework but love a clean house. I’ve played the organ in church since I was 21, and I LOVE it. I am currently taking lessons and one day will be good enough to have my own recital.
I participate because I have opinions, and this seems like a great place to express them. I also love to read the ideas presented in the blogs, and am finding all sorts of topics to bring up to my DH about raising children, women in the church, callings, garments, whatever–it’s been interesting seeing his reactions. Life has gotten more interesting
Comment by LBG — April 26, 2010 @ 8:52 am
Hey all,
I figured that since I’m actually posting, I probably ought to introduce myself
I found FMH via. Google a couple of years ago, and have lurked off and on ever since. I’m finally getting together the courage to post, having just gotten through a several-year battle to hold onto my testimony of the church. The issues are rather complex, but involve pregnancy-related health issues, our heavenly mother, the BYU bubble, my own attraction to both men and women since puberty, an eating disorder, and issues related to being a musician. Obviously, quite a long story….but one that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
At the moment, my spouse and I recently moved to SE Idaho from California. We are politically moderate, and have two small children. He is looking for a job so that we can pay off some debts, and then is hoping to go back to school, while I care for our children, learn the house-mastery that my mother didn’t love from my MIL, and unofficially help to care for her and my FIL from the wing of their house they so graciously let us live in.
My perspective at the moment is rather unusual, since I am finding myself blossoming in a traditional female role that I was not raised to fill. Talk about a completely unexpected joy in life! Looking forward to letting my voice be heard!
Comment by JWalton — April 28, 2010 @ 8:13 pm
Hello everyone! I cannot believe I am actually posting here! I am actually feeling nervous about it, for some reason.
I could not believe a website like this existed. I was so excited to find it.
I teach kindergarten at a school for homeless families. It is an amazing school. I really love going to work. I have been married for 4 years. We are in the process of adopting from Ethiopia right now. We have been waiting for about 2 years, and have another 10-16 months to wait. We have enjoyed the time together though. 
I found this website through a Google search a few months ago. I was doing research for a paper that had nothing to do with the issues discussed on this site, so I have no idea why it popped up.
I was raised in the church, still have a very active family. I live in Mesa, Arizona which has an incredibly high population of LDS people. My husband grew up here (I moved here when I was 15). Mesa is such a weird town where everyone grows up here and marries each other and then raises their own family here. It is kind of nice, but a little strange. Also, almost everyone here is conservative, and they assume that if you are LDS, you are a (Glen Beck Lovin’) Republican. My husband and I are very liberal. I am having a hard time, especially with all the recent political discussions. I try to be empathetic and understanding of my friends and family who have different beliefs than I do, but at the same time I want to defend my own beliefs. I actually decided to introduce myself here, so I can comment on IdahoGma’s post about facebook.
I am not a “housewife”.
I am trying to sort out a few issues I am having with the Church right now. Mainly, polygamy, feminist issues, Blacks and the Priesthood, and Gay Rights. My husband is a Philosophy major and is struggling with his own faith right now. We are trying to figure out things before we have kids. I do not know if we ever will though. I really enjoy reading the posts, and everyone’s comments here. This is my favorite website.
Comment by heatherg — April 28, 2010 @ 9:42 pm
Hmmm, in short summary:
I’m 19, got married when I was 18 (sealing was in Feb, birthday in April). I found this site mainly through my mom who is an avid reader. I personally enjoy some aspects of the gospel more when women voices are added (probably due to the fact that if a man were to talk in SM about breastfeeding, I’d call him a hypocrite).
My husband doesn’t exactly approve of this site, but he also agrees that he can’t really say anything since he never experienced the church from a womanly view. (His main distaste was through a discussion of having women being a part of the temple recommend interview or anything to do with modifying the priesthood).
I’m a lifelong member, though just recently gained a testimony, and my husband a convert. I believe our marriage is more fun because we’re both learning at a similar level.
Comment by Newly Housewife — May 4, 2010 @ 4:04 am
Oh, and I aspire to becoming one of the admired FMH Bloggers. Simply because my Facebook Notes don’t get much attention. =)
Comment by Newly Housewife — May 4, 2010 @ 4:06 am
Since Mother’s Day is upon us I feel compelled to let my wife know of my gratitude and happiness. I struggled FAITHFULLY in the workforce for over 10 years(I know, I’m just a kid) until finally handing the mantle over to my kind wife. I really feel like I never belonged in the workforce.
This month has been one of the most fulfilling and happiest of my life.
I guess it will wear off, but just today I felt almost consumed with joy as I started the laundry and dishes while getting the 3 yr old her Ramen Noodles.
I just wish I could really express adequately how much love and joy I feel.
Happy Mother’s Day m’lady.
Comment by tol — May 4, 2010 @ 10:49 am
How did you find fMh?
I found it while doing an internet search for the opinions of LDS women who were against polygamy.
Why do you participate here?
There are women here who actually think like me. It makes me feel not so alone.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Feminism: I like it. Although I do believe that men and women have unique roles to play in life. I’m a bit moderate about it.
Mormonism: I believe in all of the gospel principles, pretty much, but I think the whole church thing needs a little work. And don’t get me started on folk doctrine.
Huswifery: It’s a matter of personal choice. When I have children I intend to stay at home and care for them because I don’t have the physical capacity to be a wife, mother, and worker. I don’t buy what men and women in the church tell us about how all women are fulfilled when they become mothers and housewives. Sorry. Not everybody is wired that way. The main difference is that we are now living in a world where women have the option. If I had the physical ability, you better believe I’d be working while raising kids. There is nothing wrong with our daughters seeing that their mothers don’t have to depend on a man for income.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I was born and “raised” in the church but was inactive for most of it. I was reactivated about six years ago due to some hard knocks from the big man upstairs. I still struggle with certain aspects of our religion, especially the cultural stuff, but I do love the gospel. I’m still learning things about it.
I spent a lot of time dabbling in other religions, specifically the goddess-worshipping kinds. I also have tons of friends who are not members. That, mixed with my “LDS” upbringing, has created a unique life perspective.
I am extremely crass. I’m not very reverent. I tend to be sarcastic. I am very much an anti-Molly Mormon.
Comment by Cha Cha — May 5, 2010 @ 9:58 pm
Hi, Im new here. I just recently joined the church in March 2010 with my 2 kids. Im a single mom, separated from my x. I am finding that the missionaries didn’t teach me half of what i had wished i had known before i was baptised. I agree with 90+ % teachings of the church. I am an individual, suffered from seizures for 22 years, and i have been homeschooling for about 12 years now. I am seizure free for the past 2 1/2 years. I love the gospel doctrine and obviously reading or i wouldn’t have joined. But there are some questions that are arising within me that aren’t being answered by people within the church. They are being “brushed under the rug”. And now within our ward over the past month i have had a “few” people approach me to let me know i have to make a “major lifestyle change” and will be doing so to stay. Thing is 1. i don’t change for anyone. 2. this whole polygamy thing is being brushed under the rug and then i am told that only exhalted males will be able to have plural marriage in heaven and is a god given right. 3. no acceptance of gays/lesbians whatsover? not even as brothers and sisters in Christ? 4. They are dealing with my children in a different light since i am a single mom both my son and daughter are telling me when they ask questions or give info they are being brushed over!?! 5. Lifers are not accepting us whatsoever and are telling us that ( 0,0 ) they are the converts…
Please someone explain to me why we are only given info after being converted and being treated like this?…..Unschoolermama for life
Comment by Unschoolermama — May 8, 2010 @ 9:09 am
re 458 - sounds like you have a very orthodox and unbending ward that you attend. If people are insisting that you change then simply tell them that God does not require that of you for him to love you and that Christ taught that we should love everyone… then walk away. Same answer works for the Gay/Lesbian question God loves EVERYONE, apparently it is the person who fails to love that is in the most trouble.
As for your children, time to take a proactive approach with their teachers. Tell them that your children are to be treated just like the bishops children, no different. They too are children of God.
I’m sorry you are having trouble. Here we are very open to questions and to discussing even taboo subjects! Here you should find some kindred sisters and brothers
(Once in a while we get a preacher drive by, but usually they are delt with according to the judgmental attitude of their comments).
WELCOME and I hope you can find the acceptance you need here!
Comment by April — May 8, 2010 @ 11:15 am
as for info bot being taught before baptism… I don’t know. It frustrates me too. If it helps much of the time that things are brushed aside it’s because even the person you are asking doesn’t know the answers.
I know that as a lifelong member I am only recently (I’m 30) coming across much of these things… and I was in SEMINARY for heavens sake!
Comment by April — May 8, 2010 @ 11:17 am
I am so excited to be here “officially.” First put my toe in theFMH waters way back in 2005 or 06. Out of desperation, I was hunting for anything that addressed women’s issues and faith in the LDS community. I’ve checked in every now and then over the past 4 or 5 years, but recently the universe became very, very small and I discovered that some of the women posting and creating here weren’t just women “out there somewhere” but were my neighbors! Real, live, sisters livin’ in my hood…that had some of the same concerns, questions, dilemmas as I have had. Here I had been carrying my load of rocks around on my back for years and years….alone. What a fool, girl!
I’ve got lots of thoughts, lots of joy, lots of tears to share. Give me time. But for now, I’m just truly, truly happy that the universe has smiled upon me and blessed me with this opportunity to get to know all of you.
I’ve got baggage! But some of it is quite fantastic baggage. We are the paths we’ve traveled. I love my path. It hurt to get here…but today the sun is shining on my face and I am feeling blessed, truly blessed to know that we sisters have each others’ backs.
No more lurkin’ for this wayfaring stranger.
Comment by Soul Sister — May 12, 2010 @ 1:03 am
Hey Soul Sister! Are you going to be at the SLC Snacker?
Comment by thisisstefi — May 12, 2010 @ 2:35 pm
Yo thisisstefi! What is the SLC Snacker? Sounds very interesting, whatever it is! Tell me more!
Comment by Soul Sister — May 12, 2010 @ 4:06 pm
I’m a newbie here. I found FMH and other Mormon feminist blogs by listening to some Mormon Stories Podcasts. (I was actually part of a Mormon Stories series called “The Spirituality of the Rising Generation” and my interview is entitled “Kingdom of God.”)ANYWAY…
I am desperate for more conversation about women’s role in this life, life before earth, and life after earth. I love reading Margaret Barker’s “Wisdom literature,” and am searching for all the Mormon feminist writings I can get my hands on. I am only now beginning to see my worth beyond wife/mother. I am excited that I can pursue a career, more education, and contribute in and beyond a family in a meaningful way.
I live in California with my husband (been married over six years, and my husband is actually the one who introduced me to feminist thought). I am beginning a graduate degree this summer in creative writing, and plan to go on to receive a PhD. We both plan on being parents at some point, and look forward to expanding our little family when we’re ready.
I am an active environmentalist, and try to be an active citizen. I love discussing politics and religion. I teach yoga. I love to write. I love photography. I love this earth and the people on it. I buy books all the time and am constantly reading 6-9 books at a time. I love the ups and downs. I love the beautiful and the terrible.
I’m happy to be here.
Comment by Ann — May 21, 2010 @ 1:57 am
How did you find fMh?
So, my bishop just sent me a link to the Advice from Elder Busche you tube video, since I’m facing a disciplinary council he wanted to encourage and reassure me (I’m learning that not all Mormon men are pigs-my dad and brothers don’t count, or course:). The message made me cry and reminded me why I love the gospel and my Savior. I wanted to know more about Elder Busche who I’d never heard of-Googled him and ended up on Times and Seasons reading an interesting and sometimes cringeworthy discussion on male and female aspects of the priesthood. I have my own ideas about that!
fMH was a link on the page and aroused my curiosity. I clicked on it and felt like I was home-like Soul Sister have felt like I’ve been carrying a load of rocks-what a relief that I’m not alone.
Can you be a feminist at 3 years old? Well, I was, and have struggled my whole life with aspects of the Church (not the gospel) like womens role, polygamy, blacks and the priesthood just to name a few, which led to huge cognitive dissonance and doubts. I’ve been afraid to share my views with anyone but those that I think might understand, but they are few and far between. So refreshing to find this site!
I’m a single mom (i have a lot to say about being a single parent in the church too) grad student finishing up my master’s in Public Health, living in Oregon. Yay-blue states! I have been a member my entire life with varying degrees of activity. Would love to get married some day, and am encouraged by the obviously great husbands referenced on this site.
I love spending time in the mountains, at the beach, with my kids and am a voracious reader and enthusiastic gardener and am looking forward to spending the summer in Malawi doing my last bit for my degree working with HIV/AIDs and nutrition programs there.
Comment by Liz — May 21, 2010 @ 2:09 pm
Liz…welcome! Sounds like you are going to love it here. It, also, sounds like we can learn a lot from you.
Comment by IdahoGma — May 21, 2010 @ 3:10 pm
I am new, but have been reading and lurking for a few weeks. I found the blog by Googling “mormon feminist” after feeling really irritated reading a post by CJane on feminism. I thought that surely there must be other mormonsm like me that thought her post was insane.
I have always been into women’s rights, especially while doing my undergrad in sociology. I am now a single mom and third grade teacher. I have been divorced for a few years, and have had a hard time fitting into my super conservative, uptight ward. I really struggle with my belief in the church and have for years. However, I continue to go for my daughter. Her dad and step mom are super mormons, and if I stopped taking her I would have a huge battle on my hands. Plus, I want her to grow up with some beliefs/values.
Other than that, I am really into music, reading, and just parenting the most adorable six year old in the world.
Comment by Erbear — May 21, 2010 @ 9:29 pm
I was raised in the south end of Salt Lake County when it was still pretty rural. I come from a long line of sometimes active, LDS democrats, on both sides. I graduated from BYU in Biology Ed. I served a mission in the Philippines. I am now happily married in the midwest. I am a SAHM for now. My dh is Branch President. He is also a Marxist and president of a feminist research group in his profession, the first male to hold the position.
I have been lurking here for a while. I often write posts and then delete them. I love the gospel and the church. I have plenty of questions and things that I don’t agree with, but still consider myself pretty mainstream.
I do not enjoy cooking, cleaning, crafting or anything of the sort and staying home with my kids has been challenging, for me to find fulfillment. But it has been my choice. Just a year or two more and my youngest will be in school and will most likely get back to my career. In the past, dh was so great to help with all of the house stuff. The BP calling has really cut into his time at home, but I know that he is helping people and so I try to buck up do the housewife stuff. Some days are better than others.
I am hoping to comment here more regularly. I am not sure why I hesitate.
Comment by Rachel — May 22, 2010 @ 12:40 pm
Hello! I have been a daily reader of FMH for a couple of years now but never have made comments or contributed to a post. I actually came across the site a number of years ago, forgot about it, then rediscovered it again. I really enjoy reading the comments, different opinions, and insights people have.
I was born and raised in the church and grew up in a fairly liberal state. I did the Ricks College thing, the BYU thing, the mission thing, the grad school thing, and the career thing, but haven’t done the married thing yet. I’m in my 30’s and teach elementary school but prior to that I worked in social services and learned to become more aware of women’s issues while I worked at a domestic violence agency. I’m a big supporter of education and the fine arts. Politically I am all over the place - liberal on some issues, conservative on others, and I’ll admit to even being a fence sitter as well.
A few years ago I suffered a small but unknown physical condition and then a year ago they figured out the problem and fixed it but the healing process has been more difficult than I expected and the physical side effects have caused some emotional and spiritual frustrations. I can say I know the church is true and am grateful for it and although it’s a struggle sometimes, I still go because I am happier when I do and I do love the gospel. I try to remember that the culture is seperate from the doctrine in many ways. I could go on about my views and so forth but I’m sure more of that will come out when I start to participate more. You all seem like fabulous people and I’m not sure how active I will be on here but it’s great to know there is a place to discuss some of the important topics we face.
Thanks!
Comment by Hillary — May 24, 2010 @ 8:00 pm
Long time troll, recent spammer.
Forty something, single father of two grown boys.
Thrice divorced yet cautiously optimistic.
Brutish and curt.
Somewhat focused and subject to fits of tunnel vision.
Passionate on most fronts.
Raised Mormon, served a mission in S Korea and attended BYU.
Married, the first time, in the temple, then divorced. Her infidelity.
Married the same woman again, then divorced. Her infidelity again.
Married outside of the church, then divorced. Her love of drugs and money.
I am no longer in the church, but attend occasionally with my SO, a devout, powerful feminist with terribly strong boundaries.
I find it difficult to come back to the LDS after so long…
Things have changed, though and it appears to be kinder and gentler than it was twenty years ago.
I found this blog by accident while surfing for information of polygamy…
Comment by PapaKrok — May 25, 2010 @ 1:09 am
Oh, where to start…I typed something into Google in a fuming rage over something. I finally feel like I can breathe again knowing that there are other women in the church who don’t worship the prophets and wish they could be just like them. I am tired of people telling me that “we just don’t need to know that to get to the celestial kingdom” or that “we’ll get to know that when we get there”. I just want the chance to be honest with my faith, and thank goodness there is somewhere I can do that, even if it is over my computer.
Let’s see…I’m a convert (joined in college), married, 4 kids. I have served in a million callings including RS pres and YW pres. My personal pet peeves are polygamy and the self professed superiority of the priesthood. I am actually quite content as a homemaker. I am a dental assistant by trade, but a gardener by passion!
Comment by WoahNellie — May 27, 2010 @ 4:10 pm
How did you find fMh?
A year or so ago, in a fit of frustration and pain of being considered persona non grata for my liberal views, I googled to find if I was the only Democrat LDS Mestiza in the United States… how do some of you survive in Utah… Idaho… Arizona? Yikes…
Why do you participate here?
Well, I don’t participate so much anymore… I read. And Read. And READ. Every time I post, I screw up, over-emote or my ‘puter dies… so, oh well. Besides, by the time I get to want to post, someone else has described my feelings to a tee. Do you all realize how long it takes to read through all those postings? But oh how I love to read them, even though I might not agree with all of you, you are still my other font of reality, my brothers and sisters.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I was a Feminist before I joined the Church. Then I allowed myself to be snowed and tried to become the Latina Molly Mormon, and thankfully I failed. Now I am trying to get back to the person I was before I joined the Church. Huswifery? Bring it on!
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am a Latina that changed from Catholicism to LDS 37 years ago. A young hippie/chicana/liberal with ADD and a bit Autistic: smart arse sans horse sense. I had a testimony of the divinity of God and Jesus… knew that the LDS Church had the restored Gospel… wanted to join but needed permission from anti-lds parents… waited until I was 18 and took the dive. Now I know why M&D were so anti-lds; my sister and I were molested by our lds cousins in the 60’s. It took me 15 years to work through the anger and resentment. I know that the Gospel is true, but all the crap I had to go through dealing with men was… just that. Crap. I’ve met some wonderful, spiritual men that magnify the Priesthood the way Jesus Christ would. And there are an unfortunate amount of misguided members and some real jerks out there that use the Priesthood to keep females in line… and this is why FMH exists. It helps to know there are other chicas out there, fanning the flame of liberty for all
Thank-you so much.
Comment by Kathy — May 28, 2010 @ 11:33 am
Kathy, welcome. Oh, you, need to start commenting, you are hilariously funny, and insightful.
Comment by IdahoGma — May 28, 2010 @ 12:34 pm
I found you through a link at ldsblogs.org. I have an adult son who I raised alone after his dad turned to drugs. I’m a convert to the church of 15 years. I’m still single because at my age the worthy single men who are capable of having relationships are pretty few and far between. I’m the only LDS person in my family or extended family. I work as a caregiver for the disabled but my true mission in life is to spread the Gospel and I’m looking for new ways to do that.
I don’t know what I think of Mormon Feminism because I don’t know what it is. I’m not interested in Sonia Johnson’s radicalism and I don’t have the time for cultural Mormons. I hope I figure out what it is by reading around here!
Comment by Ingrid — May 31, 2010 @ 4:50 pm
I heard about FMH from a friend, read a bit, shrugged, went on with life.
Prop 8 almost destroyed my spiritual life - I still feel betrayed by the whole thing. That it was a terrible abuse of power. I feel like the church cheated on me and haven’t healed since. No, I’m not a lesbian nor do I know any.
I started really looking at church history after Prop 8 and discovered that there are many firm precidents for what happened, and I felt disillusioned. I had made my peace with polygamy and racism but when finding out what really happened, felt betrayed again and again. I came back to FMH when researching heavenly mother. This is the most frank and candid forum I have found that earnestly seeks the gospel behind propoganda.
I didn’t know I was a feminist until last year, and the hate speech around Prop 8, Glenn Beck, and discoveries about how polygamy worked and the ERA stuff solidified it. I also learned about female power through my birth experiences and teach birth empowerment as a childbirth educator. I definitely believe in females healers and leadership.
I joined the church at 16 and am the only member in my family. Married in the temple, stay at home mom, 4 young kids. I studied Near Eastern Studies at BYU (the best major for studying religion) and at Cornell, where I got my degree. Never in the course of my religious studies at the church or secular schools did difficulties in history and text make my testimony waver - the actions of the church itself did that in its own history and in Prop 8. I don’t think I would join the church now if I were not a member, but am finding that unravelling it from my life would shred me apart. Right now I feel trapped and cope by learning more. Some days I love church, and some days I …don’t.
I was Republican until the torture thing broke in 2003 under W, and I still get nausiated that he got reelected. I don’t facebook anymore because it makes me like my friends less. I love being a stay at home mom and think raising my kids is the funnest, most important, and best use of my time.
I am essentialist, beliving women are different than men and that they can solve problems differently which is why they should be in positions of power. I am thankful women have children in their official sphere because guiding them may exact the change we want to see in the world.
Right now I’m on the fence about church…I’m taking my time because I don’t want to confuse my kids. I go to church and only discuss my reservations with my husband and a few friends. The driving question over the last few years has been “what do I teach my daughters?” because so much of what we teach young girls (and, I believe, women) makes them vulnerable to financial and emtional ruin. However, so many doctrines are precious to me, like eternal families, and there is nowhere else to go for them. So I wait, pray and read.
I want to be here because it is so much more authentic than Sundays at church, and I have so many questions I long to ask you all. Thank God, literally, for this community!
Comment by EAH — June 4, 2010 @ 10:58 am
EAH…Welcome, this place is incredibly important as I believe more and more women and men will need a place to go for the kind of discourse we get here.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — June 4, 2010 @ 11:04 am
EAH, I loved reading your intro. Welcome!
Comment by Stephanie — June 4, 2010 @ 11:19 am
EAH…As I read your intro, I felt like I was reading something of my own. The amazing part is that I only recently discovered that there was anyone who even remotely thought like me-I thought I was alone in a sea of happy mormons! And for so long, I’ve just felt like there was something wrong with ME.
I love reading FMH. It makes me feel like someone threw the door open on a way too stuffy room.
Comment by WoahNellie — June 4, 2010 @ 12:08 pm
great intros kathy and EAH!
Comment by britt k — June 4, 2010 @ 12:25 pm
I found this site when I googled “Funeral Potatoes”.
I was born into a very active Mormon home in 1939. During my childhood my father was a Bishop for many years, and at the same time my mother served as Relief Society president, as well as singing in the Tabernacle Choir for 18 years. So those of you who know what those positions entail, might understand why I might have felt somewhat neglected growing up. I no longer resent my parent’s devotion to church duties, but I’m also not active.
I’m a seventy year old retired Air Traffic Controller who has been married more than once, and has kept her maiden name. My present husband of 18 years is very supportive and my best friend and confidante. He is what I call a “Mormolic”. He was raised LDS, but his late first wife was Catholic and he became active in her church. He isn’t active in any church now.
I still identify as LDS, and defend the church when I hear negative comments which is relatively common in the social circle in which we live. I’m the only member as far as I know.
The church itself is not the reason I’m not active. A number of people IN the church have at times made my life miserable. When I divorced an abusive husband (my 3 children were small), the church recommended attorney I retained asked me what I had done to provoke the abuse. And that was MY attorney. The ward members basically disfellowshipped me, and I had no support or friendship offered. I’m sure that they didn’t know how to treat me, as divorce was a rare event way back then. I quit attending meetings because I was so uncomfortable.
I also had many instances when I was in training as an Air Traffic Controller ( I was one of the first in the nation) when supposedly active and believing LDS men that I worked with told me that I should go home and let a man fill the position because men were heads of families. I was the sole support of my three small children, and had to move in with my parents because of the threats and the stalking of my ex husband. These men made my life hell, and did everything they could to get me to give up. Of course there were others who were very helpful and kind. My first Christmas as a single mom I found an envelope and card in my mailbox at work. Inside the unsigned card was a crisp $50 bill. With that I was able to have a small Christmas for my children. I have an inkling who left that card. If I’m right, Thank you, Paul.
I did have to leave my home and move in with my parents. They had a really pleasant one bedroom apartment in their basement, and my 3 children and I lived there for close to 2 years. My mom also watched my children part of the time, especially when I worked late night or graveyard shifts. I wouldn’t have survived without my parents. I made it a rule, however, to not ask for, nor borrow any money from them. Not only did they not have it to give, but I felt that they already had done so much for me that I could never thank them enough.
My mom, at 95, is living in that one bedroom apartment, my dad having passed away 11 years ago, and my sister and her husband bought their home. Mom is still active, an accomplished musician, plays the violin/fiddle in several musical groups. She has “gigs” 3 or 4 times a week, and practices almost every day. She is the darling of the “Utah Old Time Fiddlers”, and her musician friends love and watch out for her. I hope I can have a fraction of the get up and go that she has when I am a few years older.
I’m enjoying reading the comments in this forum. I’m sorry I didn’t stumble across it sooner.
Comment by Celia — June 8, 2010 @ 11:19 am
Welcome, Celia. I got a lump in my throat reading your intro.
Comment by Stephanie — June 8, 2010 @ 12:02 pm
Your input will will be valuable - I look forward to hearing from you Celia!
EAH
Comment by EAH — June 8, 2010 @ 1:18 pm
Celia, can’t wait to know you better. Welcome!
Comment by IdahoG-ma — June 8, 2010 @ 2:18 pm
Goodness, where did all this fascinating women come from?!! Love the intros, ladies. Glad you are here!
Comment by Lupita — June 8, 2010 @ 4:13 pm
And when I say this, I mean these. I’m apparently illiterate–should go add that to my intro.
Comment by Lupita — June 8, 2010 @ 4:14 pm
Whether or not I am a feminist is debatable. I believe in equal rights for everyone. Gender, sex, race, and color have very seldom meant anything to me. As long as someone had the skills to do something I was more than happy to let them do it, and then to learn from them. I was raised with a somewhat traditionalist point of view, but only because at the time of my childhood, most women stayed at home. I had a stay-at-home mother whose mother worked to support three children after she divorced her first husband for his infidelity. My mother did her best to inculcate me in her ideas about life, and for the most part I still carry those. I come from a family of seven: three brothers, two sisters, two parents. Not once did I ever heard my parents try and convince my sisters that they should not be independent and strong. In fact, all growing up, my older sister was determined to be the first girl in the NBA (and both my parents supported her in it). Too bad it didn’t happen. We all learned how to cook and clean, sew and iron, shop and be frugal. Nothing in our house was gender specific.
I was shocked when I entered the “real world.” I understand why many people are worried about women being in charge. I know it isn’t all women, but too many women in the workplace are too emotional, too vindictive, too weak, and especially too dependent on their male employees and co-workers. Very rarely have I worked with what I call the “gem” of a woman: she who stands on her own, has her own identity, and isn’t defined by what she wears, by whom she associates, by where she shops, or by how many men she has slept with. I know a few “gems”, and they are spectacular.
This all being said, the reason I am here is because it is the first place I have felt I belong in a long time. No matter where I am, the only other place I feel at home is in my own head. I am frustrated too often at the world, and especially frustrated at the lack of excellence striven for today. Mostly, people don’t understand me or the way I think. Superficiality annoys me, and I tire quickly of the idea that we are not supposed to matter as much as those around us. I think we should all try our best to be the best all the time. The more I learn and the more I understand, the more frustrated I become. My poor wife has put up with me for over 10 years, but she is still struggling to expunge the horrible experiences she had with her unhappy parents in whose home nobody was allowed to be, do, or say anything contrary to her father’s order.
I found this blog years ago while researching Mormons in Hollywood. I have read the blog for many years, but have participated only intermittently. Perhaps I should participate more, but I often fear upsetting the cart, and commonly have to erase my first and second response before I send one that is a bit easier to digest. I have found here a fascinating group of individuals united in a common thread of ideas, and who appear to be intellectual and unique. This blog is a release from my day, and a reminder that there still exist the powerful women who remind me so much of my own mother, sisters, grandmother, and of everything I see in my wife (even though at present she can no longer see it).
And just for kicks, my wife is currently a stay-at-home Mom, by choice. It was either her or I that stayed home to raise the children and my job brought in more money, so I work. We have three little girls, and if one more person tells me that I should dread their teenage years and should stock up on shotguns and shells, I think I will scream. If my girls cannot take care of themselves by their teenage years, I’m probably not being a very good father and role model for them. Besides, I always thought this shotgun wielding dad image was a bit stupid. I have always feared the mother the most.
I love this Church. I have been to others, have studied others, and have enraged a few pastors with questions, but way this Church actually expects its members to cling to all truth no matter where it is found holds me captive. I have a very strong testimony of the gospel and the atonement. But I have difficulty sitting still in church. I do attend when I can (I am in law enforcement so I sometimes work on Sunday), but I have to keep myself occupied with my own writing, studying, or conversation. I understand all too well the fallibility of its leadership, and the ridiculous tendency of its members to wander in the “great and dreary wilderness” of ignorant bliss (even though they don’t think they do). I served a mission that would cause most people to leave the church, question its authenticity for spiritual guidance, and would cause many to apostatize. But that mission began my thirst for knowledge and understanding, and at least for that I will be forever thankful. Anyway, I fear I appear a bit sappy, but know that it is only to help everyone understand me a bit better when I make a strange comment.
Comment by Keith — June 8, 2010 @ 9:57 pm
Keith, I think I like you very very much.
Comment by Reese Dixon — June 8, 2010 @ 10:32 pm
Hello, all! I found FMH while doing a search for “vegan” and “mormon.” I’m a divorced mom of a 15 year old boy (one of the funniest people I know). I was raised in the church by two amazing people who taught me what love, respect, and kindness truly is, and that the word “judgmental” had no place in our home or our actions. Went on hiatus from the church a few times, but am back and so happy and content. With that being said, I don’t can my own food, I don’t know how to sew, I don’t scrapbook and I’m the one you don’t want to sit next to when it’s craft-time…but I like to think that I’ve got something redeeming in there somewhere. Anyway, so glad I found FMH - this is so up my alley. I’ve loved reading about everyone and any website that can talk about being a mormon and a vegetarian/vegan, that can make me laugh and really think, and uses “Uchdorf” and “dreamy” in the same sentence is alright by me. Keep up the great work. And can’t wait to read more!
Comment by Perri — June 8, 2010 @ 11:03 pm
P.S. Can’t wait to introduce FMH to my sisters!
Comment by Perri — June 8, 2010 @ 11:05 pm
Welcome Perri (and your sisters, if they read this!) Being vegan requires a strong mind and a willingness to buck convention. My own single mom is one of the strongest and most inspiring women I know. I hear single moms mentioned at church with pity, but single moms are completely inspiring in every way. I would like to hug each one and say “it is enough”. I know there’s much more to you than that, but humor my enthusiasm: Bravo, sister!
Comment by EAH — June 9, 2010 @ 10:53 am
Hello everyone!
Brand new - I have been reading posts here and there but haven’t entered into the discussion.
I am finally hoping to find some peers here. Most of my Mormon friends do not see eye-to-eye with me on MOST “issues”. I can’t wait to speak openly with others who dare to question.
I have been a member since I was 8, the infamous age of accountability. I was baptized by my grandfather because my father is Methodist. They DID get married in the temple… but he is once again a Methodist.
I am 24. Have been married for a little over a year and I love it.
And… I love Macaroni and Cheese, Pizza, and Mexican food!
Comment by Lina Bee — June 14, 2010 @ 1:24 am
Hi everybody!
Well, I finally figured it’s time to come out of lurk-dom and introduce myself.
I found fMh months ago - over 6 months ago for sure - but I’ve mostly just been happy to read and silently nod along. I was googling advice on how to help a toddler to stay reverent during sacrament meeting and your site happily popped up with a thread addressing the topic! Very helpful, but more than that, I spent hours pouring over old posts about so many topics - I just couldn’t believe a place like this exists! I was reading so many thoughts that mirrored mine so closely that I felt far less alone in this sometimes very confusing culture.
So going through the questions:
Why do I contribute? - I haven’t contributed yet, but I plan to!
Thoughts on feminism, etc… - well, I have not always identified myself as a feminist. In recent years I’ve come to realize that’s because my family is made up of strong women who behave as feminists without labeling themselves as such, and men who love their strong women and support them in their many endeavors. I have so many thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and housewifery, but instead of going on for hours here, I’ll share them as I get posting on other threads.
About me - I am a military wife; my husband and I have been married for just over four years now. I am also a mother; I have two kids who are very young. My daughter will be three in just over a month, and my son is just over 6 months old. I am currently at home with them, and am slowly working on my certification as a birth doula, aspiring to be a midwife one day, as well as to go back to school and get my masters in nutrition to become an RD. I have a lot of plans. I love being a mother, but the more I move along in life, the more I realize that there just isn’t one prescribed plan for everybody, so I’m learning to integrate the various parts of my personality, and to marry my family ambitions with my career ambitions. I’m also gradually getting over the cultural conditioning I’ve felt (not from my family, just to clarify!) that I need to have many many children to be worth anything as a woman. Some women are fantastic at raising many children - I’m pretty sure that’s not me. But I’m open to what life holds for me, so we shall see. I often find my life is headed down a different road than I had planned for myself…
I have my bachelor’s degree in Music Performance from McGill University in Montreal. I’m a singer. Living in Montreal was amazing, and I miss it almost every day! I’m living in Utah now, although I’m looking forward to moving sometime soon. The overwhelming Mormon culture here, on top of getting used to the differences between American and Canadian culture (politics being a big one!), is challenging for me but I’m working on getting along. Probably not hard enough though, if I were to tell the truth. I’m known for being difficult and for being a bit of a trouble maker in my ward, mostly because I refuse to accept the “but we’ve always done it this way!” excuse for why things are a certain way, even when it doesn’t make sense. So anyhow, enough about me!
I’m excited to get to know all of you better!
Comment by Mrs. Wooddubby — June 17, 2010 @ 12:40 am
Welcome, Lina Bee and Mrs. Wooddubby!
Comment by Stephanie — June 17, 2010 @ 1:03 am
Oh wow, I’m glad I popped over here to read these intros. We really do have some amazing folks stopping by. So excited for you all to start commenting!
Comment by nat kelly — June 17, 2010 @ 2:25 am
welcome, welcome everyone, thanks for popping in to introduce yourselves, and thank you for the words of encouragement. It does take a lot of work for us to keep this sight going and sometimes it feels like we get to hear a lot of discontent and moaning from people who don’t like what we do, so it is lovely to hear from people who have been helped or inspired or even just entertained. Thank you again.
Comment by fMhLisa — June 17, 2010 @ 3:19 am
How did you find fMh?
I really don’t remember how I found fMh…I’m just glad I did!
Why do you participate here?
I live in Idaho, and without fMh I’d be very, very lonely (philosophically speaking).
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I have increasingly suffered crises not of faith, but of church. That said, it is getting harder to distinguish between the two. I think that LDS culture has really fouled LDS doctrine.
I hate that The Church worked so hard on Prop 8 but doesn’t give a rip that thousands are dying in drug wars in Mexico. If we’re going to speak out to support our values, we shouldn’t pick and choose which ones. Drugs and violence destroy more families than homosexuality, don’t you think? What about the oppression of women throughout the world? Poverty? If we’re going to stick our collective nose into political issues, I have a few I’d like to see addressed.
I’m with EAH on that fence. I don’t want to confuse my kids, but I’m having issues! I’m doing what I can to make things better at church, or to open eyes at least. I need to begin attending Sunday School again, but it gives me a headache.
Also, my arm gets tired from stirring the pot.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m the YW president in my ward. Our current bishop understands me, which is a new experience!
I’m the mother of two extraordinary kids (14 year old son and 9 year old daughter). I have a fabulous husband; to understand how he feels about me, read “Always Marry an April Girl” by Ogden Nash.
I work in elementary education and I especially love the “difficult” kids. Somehow they don’t give me much trouble.
I’m also the family/community involvement coordinator at my school and an interpreter for the school district.
Baseball fan. Softball coach. Extreme sewist. Not much of a cook, but I throw a mean party. Can sunburn in five minutes.
Comment by Vieve — June 23, 2010 @ 2:45 pm
Ta Da! My intro…,(lol)
Found this site by looking for mormon moms. Convert of 2 years, 50 years old but look younger (how did THAT happen?) Left three years ago by husband of 22 years, I thought he wanted a man but he lives with a woman, shrug.
Sarcastic brainiac who questions everything, has a mind of her own, and can’t condemn or judge anyone for anything since I don’t know what I am doing most of the time, full time college student, son applying to graduate school, daughter just starting community college, lifelong homeschooler, 15 years living overseas, extremely lonely at church, (one of only 2-3 single women and often treated like a leper) and always in trouble for questioning things (especially at church). Madly in love with a conflicted, unavailable LDS man.
Love clothes and high heels, my horse, quilting, kids (always wanted a big family but didn’t get it), the Economist, cultural events, socializing, and have a highly educated palate for wine tasting-used to write tasting notes for a local winery, no kidding!
Hopefully, I won’t be dumped for being so honest!!! ROFL!! I feel like I can breathe here, that I can be myself in a way I can’t at my ward. I hope you will all accept me as I am.
RQ
Comment by RQ — June 24, 2010 @ 12:18 pm
Willkommen!!!
Comment by mfranti — June 24, 2010 @ 12:21 pm
Nice to meet you, RQ.
Comment by Lorian — June 24, 2010 @ 12:24 pm
RQ, I love you just from your intro. And if you were my ward, I’d make you my new best friend!
Comment by Risa — June 24, 2010 @ 12:53 pm
Welcome welcome!
Comment by April — June 24, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
Wow, thank you everyone!!! Big grin!!
Risa, if you ever want to move to the foothills of California, I’ll be right there to help!
Comment by RQ — June 24, 2010 @ 3:58 pm
Googled for something related to a young LDS friend who is going through a divorce and found this blog. I have been reading for two hours and I am just awed by the thoughtful words and posts by so many smart, bright and ’snappy’ women (men, too).
A few months back I had discussed Andelin’s book in ah…umm not very complimentary language and reading Stephanie posts on Fascinating Woman(hood) had me in stitches. I am glad it turned out well.
Comment by Nanna — June 24, 2010 @ 4:19 pm
Ya, I think Stephanie’s synopsis was prime on that
Good way for me to know what was up with it without having to torture myself by reading it.
Welcome Nanna
Comment by April — June 24, 2010 @ 4:49 pm
Thanks April, for the welcome.
Twenty-two years ago, I met my son’s first girlfriend - and loved her the moment I laid eyes on her. She is the young(ish) Mormon woman who is now going through a divorce. I listen to her, we use IM since the BIG pond now separates us, and all I can do is be honest and loving, calm and supportive, while not really understanding how terribly difficult it has been and is for this faithful and gutsy woman to leave her wretched marriage.
To help her I wanted to find a way to understand what I don’t but, somehow, while I love you blog, I doubt it was that kind of “truth” I was looking for.
Anyhow, I have emailed her the link to this site. I hope she comes ’round.
Comment by Nanna — June 24, 2010 @ 5:11 pm
What is Andelin’s book and Fascinating Womanhood? Is that about body parts?
(just kidding about that last one… :p )
Comment by RQ — June 25, 2010 @ 1:18 pm
RQ, start here.
Comment by Stephanie — June 25, 2010 @ 1:22 pm
Hola,
I’m Travis and I started reading here a few months ago. First I googled Liberal Mormons and somehow ended up here. I was looking for some like minds that were a little more to the left than the average Mormon bear. I read a bit and then lost the site for a bit. Then as I was going through my divorce (FUN!) I was all worried about getting married again someday as I had come back to the church so I was look for some more adult church info. That lead me back here to some of the more fun threads I’ve read on the interwebz.
I jumped in finally to commenting because I’m just trying to connect to LDS/mormon folk that are a little more my speed. I had been away from the church for 10+ years because I felt like the only one that felt out of place. But I now know that’s not quite true.
I don’t know how feminist I am simply because I wouldn’t typically give myself the label. I know I have zero problem with women having careers or me doing the baking or even staying at home with the kids if that makes more financial and professional sense for me and my future wife.
I’m a blue-state kind of person that just moved to Ogden, so this should be interesting.
Comment by Travis — June 29, 2010 @ 7:55 pm
RQ, Nanna, Vieve, and everyone else…welcome! I’m new here, too, but have loved every minute of fMh and you will too. I’ve laughed, cried, and honestly grown in the short time I’ve been here.
And Travis, welcome. I promise I won’t ask you to help me move anytime soon.
Comment by Perri — June 29, 2010 @ 8:04 pm
How did you find fMh?
About 2 years ago as I was researching whether or not IUD’s were abortificants/against LDS guidelines. (They aren’t, thank you)
Why do you participate here?
I was fascinated with the site 2 years ago but got caught up in a newborn (#3), tucking the site in the back of my mind. I just barely revisited for entertainment, etc. purposes maybe because we moved 2 mos. ago and I was longing for some liberal-minded LDS voices.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Feminism is a beautiful thing, often misunderstood. Mormonism is true. Housewifery is fun, difficult and temporary.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am Amy, married, 28, 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 fish. Besides them, I like the Earth, politics, current events, camaraderie, religion and a healthy body.
Comment by Amy — July 6, 2010 @ 12:49 am
How did you find fMh?
I am a natural born questioner of EVERYTHING, and a card carrying member of the “Spelling” police. When I found a tiny lie of omission had been the basis for my entire attitude for the church thus far in my life I got angsty. I stumbled around looking for a safe place to vent and found FMH, turns out I already had a friend here and didn’t even know!
Why do you participate here?
My cat got tired of listening to my rants on gender equality.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
To me, a feminist is someone (male or female) who is an advocate of women and their right to succeed in the their life endeavors (whatever their endeavors may be).
Mormonism is a remarkable religion that gives me migraines on a constant basis, but otherwise, s’alright!
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I am a mid 20’s married convert, I have been married for over 2 years (to a canadian), and have been a convert for almost 4 years. I used to get chastised on a regular basis for asking “the hard questions” in church. Now, I keep my controversial opinions under wraps until my keyboard is within a safe and reasonable distance. Started reading a few months ago, but never really commented until recently. I really love this site, and have learned how ponder my feelings, scripture and outlook on life like a cultured person since I started reading.
Ps. I don’t have the gene that makes people afraid of what others think of them ( I think it’s called shame?), which is why I’m not very popular in my ward.
Comment by Andiep — July 7, 2010 @ 4:45 pm
Welcome, Andiep! I’ve enjoyed your comments.
Comment by Stephanie — July 7, 2010 @ 4:47 pm
Andiep, popularity is overrated. And so is shame
Comment by Lupita — July 7, 2010 @ 5:02 pm
andiep,
i’m glad you posted on this thread because i was just about to direct you here.
welcome!
Comment by mfranti — July 7, 2010 @ 5:35 pm
Well, I can tell you are already pretty popular here. I we count the most.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 7, 2010 @ 8:25 pm
Y thank you Ladies! : )
Comment by Andiep — July 7, 2010 @ 8:30 pm
thanks, Stephanie for the FW link. dead silence . BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
wheeze
Truly terrifying, but what I think I am hearing at church. also, the bishop does have to approve the books for our bookclub.
Comment by RQ — July 7, 2010 @ 10:22 pm
RQ - What? Your bishop has to approve the books for your bookclub? I am astonished and dismayed. But, on another topic, my parents also live in the foothills of CA, and I’m only about an hour away. We should get together sometime; I’ll bet we’ve read some books in my bookclub that your bishop would not approve of (evil grin…)
Comment by Valory — July 8, 2010 @ 11:31 pm
How did you find fMh?
A “family home evening sister” from BYU invited me to join her here.
Why do you participate here?
I drop in now and then to see if Mother in Heaven is talking to anyone yet, since I imagine this is a place that would notice such a thing.
My thoughts on feminism
If Christianity were defined as losely as feminism then satanism would be a form of Christianity. I enjoy the feminist dialogue (is polylogue a word?), but get very nervous when people talk about a single feminist point of view about anything, e.g. if a pro-lifer can be a feminst (even though I’m personally pro-choice).
I’ve talked too much here about who I am and don’t want to bore you all with that again.
Comment by Christian — July 9, 2010 @ 12:19 am
Amy: The morning after pill & RU-486 also raise some questions in this regard.
We’ve had some real doozies here, though lately it’s been a while.
Valory: You should have went to the snacker a few weeks ago in Walnut Creek..
Comment by Mike H. — July 9, 2010 @ 12:24 am
Mike H. - LOL - I *was* at the snacker in Walnut Creek… and I can prove it — you brought the ice cream!
Comment by Valory — July 9, 2010 @ 12:48 am
Hey Valory (and others),
If you are near Walnut Creek, is anyone near me? Near highway 88
Comment by RQ — July 9, 2010 @ 1:08 am
RQ, I live on I-80 and my parents are in Auburn. Reese Dixon might live more in your vicinity!
Comment by Valory — July 9, 2010 @ 1:50 am
With all this talk of Auburn and highway 88, I want to know when the camping trip is?
Comment by Suzanne Neilsen — July 9, 2010 @ 2:11 am
Oops. I hate brain fade…
Comment by Mike H. — July 13, 2010 @ 2:02 am
How did you find fMh?
I was 8 moths pregnant and looking for a recipe for funeral potatoes, and this was the only site with the real-rushed-mother recipe made from canned soup. Though other sites had recipes for what they called funeral potatoes they were to fancy for them to have tasted like the ones I had while growing up.
Why do you participate here?
I mostly read, I sometimes I miss Utah, and what I was used to while growing up. I come here so I get some of the feeling but not the pull-the-hair-out-of-my-head-I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that part.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Well I chose to be a house wife after years of believing it was the worst way of wasting your talents. I chose to become a house wife, I call it a sacrifice, even though it puts me in a perilous position if my husband and I ever divorce. I chose to become a house wife for my oldest son, so he wouldn’t feel like he lost everything after we moved from Utah and a very large extended family that he loved. Now I have been at home for 6 years, and even if I am at a disadvantage financially I would never do anything different.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I was born and raised in Utah to a Mormon mother and a Catholic father. I say it should have given me twice the guilt but instead it made me look at each religions dogma and really think about organized religion and god. I became an Agnostic at 10. I am a cultural Mormon, and I love talking about my life in the Mormon church to non members they have a lot of questions. I chafed under YW, and hated seminary. I still get others testimony after talking to them, and somehow my family isn’t as “good” as others because we were not married in the temple to many people in both of our families. I just recently had my 2nd child 10 years after the first, and I’m loving staying home with him. Oh I enjoy sewing, and crafting.
Hi everyone, I will mostly be lurking.
Comment by Sydni — July 13, 2010 @ 2:28 am
How did you find fMh?
Two of my sisters mentioned it in a conversation. I had never heard of it before and thought “that is something I HAVE to check out.”
Why do you participate here?
I really enjoyed the first blog post and comment thread I read. There was mix of opinions, humor, and mostly intelligent discussion (as opposed to heated arguments). I was impressed from the start and keep coming back for more.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I suppose I first became aware of my feminism as a young teenager, when my dad would consistently instruct me to help my mom and sister with Sunday dinner while he allowed my brother to continue goofing off on the computer. My dad and brother-in-law, meanwhile, sat on the couch and talked or watched tv. (In defense of my dad, that is the only way in which I can remember him displaying any sexism.)
Although I enjoy teasing my dad about this experience, I think it helped shape some of my attitudes and beliefs today. Men and women were created differently. A simple anatomical study of each will reveal that. I also believe that men and women have some distinct and separate responsibilities in this mortal life. But we share many of the same responsibilities and in the light of the gospel, we should work together, side by side, to accomplish our common goals.
Oh, and I basically reject all gender roles (outside of the obvious, i.e. fatherhood and motherhood) as eternal truths, and therefore negotiable. At least in principle. Subconsciously I probably buy into some of them.
As far as the gospel goes, I have a firm testimony in Jesus Christ, Heavenly Father, the Book of Mormon, and modern-day prophets and apostles. Everything else has mostly fallen into place around those beliefs.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Well, I am unmarried, young (23), and still attending a YSA ward. I recently moved out of Provo to the Portland area, where I am looking for my first “grown-up” job. In reality, I am still trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, and I mean that in several different senses.
Comment by KS — July 13, 2010 @ 2:39 am
Ks, I’m still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up LOL I’m 30 btw… and I keep changing my mind. Go figure.
Welcome to FMH, enjoy the show!
Comment by April — July 13, 2010 @ 12:38 pm
How did you find fMh?
On another message board (Snarkfest, for those interested), a member mentioned the site, and I thought it sounded intriguing. And how!
Why do you participate here?
I don’t, not yet. I’ve been lurking for about a year, but have never posted. Most of the time I see so many posts explaining my opinions and beliefs far better than I ever could. Hopefully at some point I’ll offer my $.02. As for why I read the blog, period–it’s funny and smart and thought-provoking. I am no longer a member, and for a while I thought that there WERE no feminist LDS women, so it’s refreshing as well.
Thoughts on feminism, Mormonism, and huswifery (or not).
I had my feminist awakening when I was 19, by way of evolutionary theory (I minored in biological anthropology for undergrad). It was mostly a confirmation of things I had always thought, along with a rejection of the church and many things I had TRIED to think/do, but which simply didn’t fit. As I travel along the pro-woman trail I find myself preferring the term “womanist”, which I find to be more inclusive of women of color and other minorities. However, I still proudly use the term feminist as a descriptor.
Mormonism: I no longer have any use for it in my life. When I first left the church the obvious option was atheism; now I find that agnostic fits better, with some pagan leanings (something I like about many varieties of paganism is that you can worship without necessarily believing). My moher and stepfather are staunch Mormons, and our relationship has gone from reasonable to fairly shaky over the last few years. I have no use for the church’s gender roles, or their stance against homosexuality (and every other so-called abnormal expression of sexuality), and I have many problems with a lot of the doctrine. However, as long as the Mormons in the area don’t bother me, I will not bash them, and occasionally find myself defending aspects of the church to others.
Huswifery: I don’t intend to get married. If I do, it will be a common-law marriage (particularly if I end up in Iowa, where my partner may go to medical school). Currently the only reason I would get married is in the event that we want to immigrate to Canada and are not in a position to enter common-law marriage (as most US states don’t allow it). However! I DO enjoy cooking, keeping our apartment in order, taking care of my plants, keeping a scrapbook, decorating the place, and other typically housewifey activities. I do expect my boyfriend to pitch in, though, and generally we have a ridiculously equitable relationship.
Tell us a little about who you are.
I live in central Florida and am in my second year of graduate school. In a year I will have a Master’s of library and information science. I currently work for a small college library. My partner and I have two cats. I love heavy metal, science fiction and fantasy, reading and writing, and potatoes. I am a big, big, big fan of potatoes. My long-term life goal is to immigrate to British Columbia and be a public librarian there.
Comment by DianaH — July 13, 2010 @ 4:54 pm
“I am a big, big, big fan of potatoes.”
As am I. Which means you need to comment. You obviously have good sense.
Comment by Lupita — July 13, 2010 @ 5:06 pm
Pita, I replied to you last night on my pblog.
Comment by mfranti — July 13, 2010 @ 5:07 pm
Ah yes, but you said nothing about potatoes
Comment by Lupita — July 13, 2010 @ 6:40 pm
Hi, I’m Catya or Cat either works, but incase there’s someone else lurking around here called or that goes by Cat I’ll stick to my full given name (for those curious it’s pronounced cuh-tay-uh).
To start with I’m not married, but I think this site is awesome stuff. I love all the entries I’ve read here so far. I found this blog because I have a strong interest in our Heavenly Mother and I’ve read all the entries you guys have on the subject and hope to see more soon.
Also I’m kind of a lurking sort so I might not say a whole lot but I figured I’d say hello none the less.
Comment by Catya — July 13, 2010 @ 10:16 pm
Welcome…awesome name.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 13, 2010 @ 10:50 pm
I found this site searching for ‘Orthodox Christian feminism’ because I am in fact an Orthodox Christian woman. There’s almost nothing on the internet for Orthodox women with my views although I know we exist in ‘real’ life, but I’ve found such comfort in this site and the discussions that you have here. Somehow, despite the very different traditions, rituals, and histories, we are often struggling with similar questions and problems. I have found that it is hard for people of faith who question their institutions of faith (despite wanting to stay within them) have very few avenues of encouragement. On one side we have our leaders and communities saying you have to follow this view or that without question, and on the other side are people outside the tradition/who have left who think you are stupid for staying.
I have a graduate degree in Islam and Hinduism in South Asia, so I have a great interest in other religious traditions. A lot of people in the traditions I have studied think that I have an interest in converting to another faith, but I am actually a former Protestant who converted to Orthodoxy, and I find that in seeing how other traditions and people of faith address their struggles, I become stronger in my faith. Study and struggle seem to be my ways of getting closer to God. Therefore, the intellectual and faithful conversations that happen here have been extremely helpful in encouraging me in my faith (and in reminding me that you CAN be a liberal, feminist, questioning person in a seemingly ‘conservative’ faith).
I also just got married, and this has spurred in me a greater interest of what it means to be a feminist and a wife and a religious person. I’ve learned so much about wifehood and motherhood from reading this site, and it’s been very helpful for understanding how I can be a ‘good wife’ and a ‘good feminist.’ I’m also an expat wife living in South Korea and thus far removed from my Canadian culture which makes the Internet and the blogosphere lifelines to my North American context. I’m in this very interesting place of trying to forge an equal partnership (my definition of a feminist marriage) in a country steeped in Confucianism and without any tradition of foreign wives (or daughter in laws).
I’m not sure if I will ever participate in terms of posting a lot of comments - I feel a little strange adding to that conversation because I am not Mormon. However, I love reading your delightful and thought-provoking discussions!! It’s really exciting to find a group of men, women, and teens even who are trying to be faithful by having the difficult conversations.
Comment by Msleetobe — July 16, 2010 @ 11:11 pm
Welcome MsLee!
We have a good mix of commenters on fMh. many of whom are not lds but participate here because of the community it provides.
we hope to hear more from you!
Comment by mfranti — July 16, 2010 @ 11:15 pm
msleetobe….Oh, wow, how exciting is that. I hope you post comments, I would love to hear your point of view.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 16, 2010 @ 11:33 pm
Msleetobe:That didn’t stop Lorian (see her intro above). Or, others. Welcome. My daughter converted to Islam a few years ago.
Comment by Mike H. — July 16, 2010 @ 11:50 pm
Msleetobe,
I’ve been lurking around fMh for a little while now and have yet to post anything myself but I had to pop in and say welcome, especially since I live in South Korea as well. [My husband is in the U.S. Navy and we’re stationed at Yongsan. I also teach English part-time at a tiny private hagwon.] I really hope that you will participate in some of the discussions here because I think you will have valuable insight and perspective to add, regardless of any differences in religious doctrine. We’re all on the same path of finding our place within our chosen systems of belief.
And now I must go devour your blog because it looks absolutely fascinating.
Comment by Liz M. — July 17, 2010 @ 1:19 am
Wow. I never expected such a welcome! Thank you all for your support, and I will reevaluate my feelings about posting.
@Liz - I used to live 5 minutes from the Yongsan base, and I’ve been on base a couple of times because my English-speaking priest (who has since been called back to the US) was a miltary chaplain. It’s nice to know there’s another person in Seoul on this site!
Comment by Msleetobe — July 17, 2010 @ 1:45 am
How did you find fMh?
I don’t really remember; I’ve been lurking on and off for years. Random clicking on LDS websites/blogs, I’d imagine.
Why do you participate here?
But I always find the discussions interesting and thought provoking. I decided I should start putting myself out there and comment.
Well, I haven’t much yet.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery
Feminism - Very complicated feelings. It’s so hard to get into a reasonable discussion about it sometimes. Yes, I believe men and women are equal. No, I don’t believe they are the same. Yes, some things are genetic. Yes, some things are environment. Yes, things aren’t perfect. Yes, things are better overall for women. But that sometimes comes across as a weasel answer.
Mormonism - Struggling with that, too! Often, I kind of feel like the South Park episode “All About Mormons” got it pretty spot on. Maybe us Mormons do believe in crazy stories that make absolutely no sense, and maybe Joseph Smith did make it all up. But I have a great life and a great family, and I have the Book of Mormon to thank for that. The truth is, I don’t care if Joseph Smith made it all up, because what the Church teaches now is loving your family, being nice and helping people. And even though people in this town might think that’s stupid, I still choose to believe in it. All I ever did was try to be your friend, Stan, but you’re so high and mighty you couldn’t look past my religion and just be my friend back. You’ve got a lot of growing up to do, buddy. Suck my balls. Except “loving your family, being nice and helping people” isn’t really all there is to it, and I struggle with all the nitpicky things that really? Really? That’s what God cares about?–as well as the culture of Mormonism. I’m a member, but fairly inactive.
Housewivery - Sure, I’m down with that. I’m single, no kids, so it’s not where I am in life, but someday, maybe.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Female in my late 20s living in Iowa, trying to figure it all out. IDK, I feel like you probably got a lot of it up there.
Totally feel like I’ve overshared and am annoying everyone. Silencing that voice and hitting post anyway.
Comment by Ree — July 18, 2010 @ 1:11 pm
Ree…Welcome. Hitting post can be soooo scary sometimes. Glad you did.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 18, 2010 @ 1:18 pm
I found fMh while researching some church topic and have been reading the coments for at least a year. It is nice to know that there are others who share my ideas on so many topics. Sometime I feel like a complete alien around church members who take it for granted that I share their right-wing political ideas and all their ideas about the gospel.
I am a grandma. I’ve always been a feminist and always somewhat of a rebel. I tend to be very outspoken. I love the church and am active. However, I get very aggravated at some of the people and policies of the church - I just decided not to through the baby out with the bathwater. I taught Gospel Doctrine for about 12 years and taught in Relief Society back when the lessons were interesting ( before Priesthood bore-alation kicked in and forced us to have the same lessons over & over ).
I’m a retired H.S. science teacher. These days I am caregiver for my daughter who has MS. I love books - am a compulsive & eclectic reader. These days I mostly read history, biography and mysteries. My husband & I have 6 children ( 2 adopted ) and 4 g-children.
Comment by Mary B. — July 21, 2010 @ 11:09 am
Mary B, Welcome, this is a good place for grandmas.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 21, 2010 @ 11:24 am
Hmmm, I don’t whether to officially introduce myself or not, since I’m mostly just a lurker…but I did make my first comment today, so I guess I’ll jump in with both feet. I found fMh when I googled “democrat Mormon” during the last presidential election. I have always voted democrat, but I have never felt the intensity of the hatred toward democrats like I did during this last election. It was horrible, going to church and hearing awful, hateful things in the halls, from church members who are generally good, friendly people, but who turn into really big meanies when it comes to politics!
I participate here because it just feels so good to know that I’m not alone in my liberal opinions. I’m not going to hell because I don’t love Glenn Beck, Rush Limbaugh, and Sean Hannity; even though I am made to feel that way in some conversations in my small Utah town.
My thoughts on feminism… Well, a little background about my family first, and then a story from my life… My mom was an inactive member until she had kids; then became very active when I was young. She finally went through the temple at age 49 after realizing that my dad was not going to “come around” and become active in the church with her. She passed away 2 years later. My dad is amazingly intelligent and has no testimony of the church, never has had, although he was baptized at age 8. He’s the liberal one of my parents and taught me to question things instead of just accepting everything I hear. So, I’ve always been a little divided between church on the one half of my life (my mom) and liberal skepticism on the other (my dad). In spite of this I’ve always been extremely active in church; I’m a returned missionary and, by most accounts, a “Molly Mormon.” People are always surprised after they get to know me that I actually have very liberal opinions.
Anyway, the story is this: one day as a teenager I was practicing a sacrament talk for my mom on the Saturday before I was to give the talk. As I finished, my mom said with tears in her eyes, “I bet you’re going to end up married to a General Authority one day.” And then my dad piped up and said, “Hell, maybe she should be able to BE a General Authority one day!” Both of those comments really made an impression on me and helped shape me into who I am—I’m a good, active member of the church, but I also don’t think that the men should necessarily run everything and make all the decisions!
I have a BA in Early Childhood Education and am currently a SAHM of a daughter and a son. I loved teaching school before my kids were born, and I absolutely plan on teaching again. For now though, I really do love being home with my kids. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Comment by stimpette — July 22, 2010 @ 3:31 pm
Also, Ree, I haven’t really watched South Park much, but that quote you shared was awesome. I loved it.
Comment by stimpette — July 22, 2010 @ 3:36 pm
That’s a good story, stimpette. You have taken the divergent viewpoints of both your parents and have been able to integrate those influences into your own life, in your own unique way.
Comment by Valory — July 26, 2010 @ 8:07 pm
How did you find fMh?
A friend sent me a link, and then I have been doing a lot of thinking/30’s-crisising etc lately, and I started to read through some of the posts, and feel compelled to ask some advice. I thought I should introduce myself first.
Why do you participate here?
I’m trying to figure some stuff out for myself, and work through some struggles that I’ve been having. I’m not sure if I totally fit here, but it seemed like a relatively good start.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
Born, raised in the heart of Utah Valley (Orem). Stopped going to church at 14. Married (to a non-active guy) at 18, moved to NY. Had records removed at 20. Divorced at 24. Moved to Wisconsin and started dating a guy who’s never even been to Utah, and only heard of Mormonism (besides from me) through a) South Park and b) some drunk girl his friend had a one-night stand with who was a jack-Mormon and apparently “did it like she had something to prove”. I’ve lived with my boyfriend for the last five years. I haven’t been back to the U-T in three. I talk to my Mormon (and very actively so) family almost daily, but I’m the “crazy feminist vegetarian black sheep of the family who drinks beer and lives in Wisconsin”. Yet, we’re still close. I’m finishing up my degree at an all-female liberal arts college, which is impossibly feminist to a fault (ever see the episode of the Simpsons where Lisa goes to the all-girl’s math class and they talk about how math makes them feel? Yeah, it’s kind of like that). Work for a law firm as an office manager. No children. Dog, couple cats. Very active social life and tribe of friends, all of whom are somewhat clueless as to where I’m coming from, but mention that I talk about my past a lot.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
Well, aside from the details mentioned above, I guess I could sum it up by saying I’m kind of a post-feminist, ex-mormon, wanna-be-housewife. So um…hi. *waves*
Everyone is welcome to contribute-no matter how long you’ve been hanging around the ‘nacle.
Comment by Jennilily — July 28, 2010 @ 2:48 pm
Hi. *waves*, back. Welcome. Hope we can help. At least it will be fun, and it’s a good brain game, especially on science days.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 28, 2010 @ 3:06 pm
Hey all,
I’m ‘m’ who was such a baby over at the Jane Austen Fight Club thread. I’m a writer and a SAHM of two young boys (2 and 4). I have one collection of poetry published, another I’m just finishing up, and have started a novel. My husband is a playwright. If we were to label ourselves I think we’d be agnostic. I grew up vaguely Anglican, but stopped going around age 11. I’m spiritual, but find I’m closest to God when I’m in nature or doing yoga. (I’m a little on the woo-woo hippy side.) I’m Canadian, so you’ll have to excuse all those extra Us I’ll be throwing in words.
I can’t remember how I found fMh. I’m sure I was researching something and landed here. I’m currently finishing up a collection of poetry about the polygamous wives of Joseph Smith, so I’ve been very much in the world of 1840s Nauvoo for the last few years. Immediately I was struck by the tone, openness, and intelligence in the the threads (so hard to find anywhere!) so I keep coming back.
I’ve only just started participating. I’m shy and I feel like an interloper, but you’re all so open and kind I’ll try to be more brave.
I am feminist and so is my husband. We’re doing our best to raise our boys feminists too. So far so good.
Comment by m — July 29, 2010 @ 3:43 pm
m, what’s your connection to Mormonism? I believe you said you aren’t LDS, right?
Welcome to fmh!
Comment by Enna — July 29, 2010 @ 3:51 pm
m, welcome, I had a few of those hand shaking, heart pumping episodes when I first started commenting, too. Now, nothing bothers me as bad, I still say stupid stuff, but nobody cares.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 29, 2010 @ 3:55 pm
Thanks, IdahoG-ma!
Enna, Thanks for the welcome! You’re right, I’m not LDS and I don’t have any family that are either. I’ve always been interested in religions (although, apparently, not interested enough to find one I feel at home in), especially the fringe ones. I’m originally from BC and there is an FLDS sect in Bountiful. I became obsessed with them and figured that if they just got rid of polygamy, people would leave them alone. So I did some research and discovered that their beliefs came from Joseph Smith. I vaguely knew that the LDS had a polygamous past, but didn’t know much about it.
I started thinking about those women, those first polygamous wives and what it must have been like to choose to be polygamous. It wasn’t like the women in the FLDS who were raised that way. I did some more research and found Todd Compton’s In Sacred Loneliness. That got the ball rolling. I’ve read numerous books on early Mormonism and Nauvoo-era polygamy. I know a lot more about 1840s Mormonism than what it’s like now!
Comment by m — July 29, 2010 @ 4:04 pm
cool, glad you are commenting!
Although I’m not sure this is the best forum for learning about current Mormon beliefs
We’re a bit of a nontraditional bunch! (Of course, that’s what makes it so interesting…)
Comment by Enna — July 29, 2010 @ 4:46 pm
m, a published poet? Nice!
Nah, you didn’t sound like a baby at all. Don’t be shy. We need more Canadians around here.
Your polygamist wives project sounds fascinating. Would LOVE to see some of your poems posted (see, I told you not to be shy!)
Comment by Lupita — July 29, 2010 @ 6:44 pm
Lupita, so far none of them are online, but I do have a few that are going to be published in journals in the fall and they might make it online, too. If so, I’ll provide a link. And if I ever get the book published, maybe I can do more, too.
Comment by m — July 29, 2010 @ 7:10 pm
Dude, you’re on Amazon. We’re not worthy!
Comment by Lupita — July 29, 2010 @ 7:34 pm
Now you’re making me blush!
Comment by m — July 29, 2010 @ 9:25 pm
I found you by looking for a recipe for funeral potatoes a week or so ago.
I live in Texas and not many people make that here, loads of chili though! I am 43, married and we have 5 children in our home 4 biological and 1 extra. I work as a teacher’s aide with special needs students and am trying to obtain a teachers certification, so I go to college full time as well. Currently teach CTR 5, and like everyomne else in Texas am a Visiting Teacher. I am completely supported by my husband in my college persuits and by my bishop as well, he counsels me to keep at it.
I belive there are many, many feminist Mormon housewives in Texas. That’s just how we must roll here in the “Mission Field”
I am so thrilled to find you, I will visit when ever I am not running in 20 different directions.
Comment by Eva — July 30, 2010 @ 1:25 pm
Welcome Eva, good luck and visit when you can.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 30, 2010 @ 2:41 pm
My friend Aly used to read fMh and recommended it to me years ago, but I didn’t start reading it until now. I got pulled in during the polygamy and female priesthood debate, and now I’m addicted.
I participate because I love intelligent, honest, and respectful debate. I also love learning from others and hearing about their life experiences. This website helps me grow and learn, and that is my favorite thing to do when I am not engrossed in motherhood and wifery.
I grew up a tomboy and felt like I was fighting for equality through my whole childhood. I didn’t know at the time that it was called “feminism.”
The more I read about Mormonism, the more discontent I am with the general organization and some of the doctrines in the church. There are parts that I love, and parts that I hate. I feel like a big fence sitter right now.
I am a full time mom, part time employee, and BYU graduate. Seems pretty typical when I put it that way, but I feel there is nothing typical about me. I grew up loving grunge, hating church schools, glorifying rock and roll, abandoning female stereotypes inherently, being rebellious, and a lost cause (as my seminary teacher once told me).
Yet through it all, I never wondered if there is a God. I always knew He existed, but I didn’t know He existed for little ol’ me. When I was at BYU going through a horrible time because of the unceasing social and academic pressure, I finally found my testimony of God, and I have never been the same since.
Comment by Emily A. — August 8, 2010 @ 1:34 am
I found fMH through Ray’s links to this site. I like this site because there is so much heart put into this blog. I often get caught up in explaining to others concepts I figured out long ago, and I can only fake the conviction that I felt before, as I was struggling to understand. I want to be actively learning, so that I am sharing a bit of myself with others, not preaching to those who just don’t understand how feminism and the Gospel compliment each other.
I am 23, married, and aching for children. Because of a medical condition, I have cognitively decided that I should finish up with school (one more semester) before we start trying. However, I am at the point where all I can think about is babies. These thoughts sometimes turn to my weakness, and how my home isn’t yet fit for a child, for many reasons. I feel like I’ve lost my bite and zeal for life, and I’m struggling to get it back. This is me right now; I didn’t really write much of a biography.
Comment by Nadi — August 12, 2010 @ 5:05 pm
I must be one of the few blest ones; my husband constantly and lovingly reminds me that women are better because they are blessed to bear children…men got the Priesthood as a “Consolation Prize”, so they wouldn’t feel left out.
Comment by Linda — August 14, 2010 @ 11:29 pm
I just stumbled across this website and can’t even recall how I located it. I am an active LDS chick, but haven’t always been. Without going into a long diatribe, I wasn’t raised in Utah, I was raised in British Columbia, Canada by parents who were taught and baptized, but were never able to quit smoking (back in the ’50’s, they apparently still baptized even if a willing candidate hadn’t kicked the habit yet).
I was a tomboy with “an inquiring mind”, and besides, we lived 100 miles away from the nearest branch or ward. I didn’t know that much about the Church or the Gospel, so I did my own rebellious thing for years.
In 1995, I encountered (while being completely inactive) a book that hit me like a lightening bolt, and changed the course of my life. It was entitled, “Embraced by the Light”. While reading it, I clearly KNEW that I needed to get my act together. I did. Then I started receiving POWERFUL impressions to move to Utah, which I rejected emphatically, initially. They not only would not leave me; they persisted stronger and stronger, until I really understood that I MUST do so.
In doing so, I found my sweetheart, to whom I am now married, and will soon celebrate my 12th wedding anniversary with. In fact, he wasn’t a stranger, at least not totally. I had first met him when I was seven years old, and he was a nineteen-year-old missionary who baptized my grandmother and step-grandfather, as well as my oldest brother in 1961. Needless to say, I wasn’t remotely interested in him at the time.
But when I first re-encountered him, I KNEW INSTANTLY that he was meant to be my eternal companion, for I heard the voice in my mind tell me so. In fact, I rejected the thought immediately, saying in my mind that he was Elder ___, I didn’t know him, and he was 12 years older than me!!! I was informed again, just as quietly and as patiently as before, to which I replied, “Well, I’m not telling him! He’s going to have to get it from the same source as me!”
Suffice it to say, he really is my soul mate, but while he has always been fairly conservative, I have “liberalized him” quite a bit.
Yes, we are still active in Church, and both KNOW that the Savior lives and loves us unconditionally. But there are some things that we do that is not promoted in the Church.
For one thing, whenever he gets a migraine headache, (and he gets them so bad that he upchucks) I immediately make a pot of strong coffee, and make him drink a couple of mugs of it, complete with cream and sugar. Presto—headache is completely obliterated in less thn 30 minutes! It works unfailingly better than ANY prescribed medication IF, and I repeat IF ones is NOT a REGULAR coffee drinker. Caffeine opens up the capillaries in the brain so that the blood can flow better, thus eliminating the headache. Works every time!
I have vicious Sciatica problems. I also don’t have medical insurance. If the pain gets way out of control, I will buy a small bottle of white dessert wine (only kind I can stomach), and two 6-oz. glasses. It doesn’t affect my mental clarity, but relaxes the muscles surrounding the Sciatic nerve, so the pain goes away for weeks at a time. No inebriation problems, just medication doing it’s thing, but healthier than the narcotics that I could get from a doctor.
So, yes, I am a bit of a rebel, but not for rebellions sake. I just use common sense. I am not a lush, and can go for months without the need for a “pain killer”. But I feel safer using that form of pain killer than the chemical forms.
Comment by Linda — August 15, 2010 @ 12:03 am
[edited by admin]
Comment by NotAWoman — August 15, 2010 @ 12:08 pm
LOL sorry guys, he’s a total spaz, I will try to keep his commenting to a minimum.
PS he finds the blog link button with “I heart teenagers” a bit disturbing…. odd man that.
Comment by April — August 15, 2010 @ 12:10 pm
Okay, seriously, He is my husband. Please don’t hate me because I share an IP address with him
PS, we really were at Mel’s house the other night.
Comment by April — August 16, 2010 @ 12:05 am
I was thinking about starting a blog. I googled “Mormon Feminism”. This blog was the first search result that I saw. I’m writing something… just to have a say I guess. Why does anyone blog?
I’ve recently started to study feminism seriously. I’ve been kind of distraught about how women in the church are labeled, categorized, and neatly tucked away into these little roles that are just assumed by many to be the norm (how things should be). I really don’t like it at all. I don’t have any problems with most of the doctrines of the church. I love the Mormon Faith. I believe in it with all of my heart. However, there are some things that persistently bother me, which it seems that no one else around me can even relate to. Whenever I mention them to anyone else in the church, I get shunned or shut out. It’s like my feelings don’t matter. I personally have a problem with the principle of Polygamy. I don’t understand how a loving God could demean women by assigning a number of women to one man in eternity. It seems demeaning to me. I also don’t understand why women aren’t allowed to hold the priesthood and why that is soley the role of the man. I don’t understand why men run the church almost completely. Why are all of the manuals written by men and none from a female perspective (not even the Relief Society manual)? Why are women required to see a man, in order to repent? It’s demeaning to me personally. Why doesn’t the church acknowledge gay people? Why does the church shun gay people? These are my questions. As I said, I love the church. I love the gospel. I love H.F. I just don’t understand these things. I really want answers.
As for something about me…. I live in FL. I served a mission but, left after 4 months. I attended BYU-Idaho. I was recently accepted to BYU-Hawaii but, chose another route instead. I’m a Women’s and Gender Studies major. I’m woring on my degree still. I’ve lived in Albania, Idaho, California, Arizona, Utah, and FL. I married an Albanian man with very traditional views about women. His parents would often tell me that I was the less privelided member of the marriage (being female) so, I had to do all of the cooking, laundry, and chores in the house. He didn’t have to lift a finger because, he was the worker outside of the home. I got that to some extent but, it seemed almost cruel to me. My husband had a horrible temper. He often threw things and broke things. He hit me on a few occasions and threw me off of the bed sometimes. I always felt like I was just too difficult. I felt guilty about it. He left me over a year ago. I’ve been struggling in life and in trying to find myself again. It seems like I lost myself in a mess of co-dependent behaviors and made my identity into me+him. I struggle at being single. I love men. I don’t really like being single but, I figured that I better learn how to love myself before I go into another relationship. I don’t want to just accept how things are anymore in life. I want to take action about them.
Comment by Deb — August 16, 2010 @ 2:46 am
Welcome, Deb. Wow, you have been through a lot. I believe you will find some healing here. I am nominating fMhLisa for sainthood for starting this site. Are you still starting your own blog?
Comment by IdahoG-ma — August 16, 2010 @ 8:19 am
Hey everyone,
I’ve been reading through articles and posts on here for hours now, extending my four girls’ naptime beyond the reasonable (which could be why they are pounding on their doors and screaming…..). So, I just wanted to introduce myself quickly: I was born and raised in Germany, my father an american army soldier stationed in Germany and my mother a rebellious, self proclaimed feminist hippie in trade school. Both my parents came from conservative family backgrounds, both rebelled, and both were heavily into drugs and alcohol. They separated when I was six and divorced when I was eight. I don’t have much of a relationship with him, but am close with my mother who just celebrated her 10th AA birthday. Fresh out of highschool I started dating the only mormon boy of the only mormon family in my tiny home town. He got me interested in the church, but broke up with me before going on a mission. While away for college I met my now husband who was on a mission for the church at the time. We fell in love through writing letters after he was transfered. When he came home to Montana after his mission I had traveled to the states from Germany and met him at the airport with his family. A week later he proposed to me, I went home packed up my stuff, moved to the states and 8 months later we got sealed in the Billings Temple. I finished my Associates Degree in 2005 two weeks before giving birth to our first daughter. Our twin girls followed in 2006 and 2008 brought the birth of our last little girl. I am currently serving in the primary presidency and staying at home with my girls, planning to home school them starting in the fall. As I am reading through what I’ve written so far I realize that it is what I would tell a church member when introducing myself to them or getting to know them for the first time, but so many things I seem to leave out, things about myself that I have neglected for so long or things I’ve recently started up, or things that seem to raw or too bold to be shared conversationally. But on this website I feel I can embrace those “Molly Mormon” parts of myself as well as everything else that makes me “ME” like that I just ran my first half marathon after a life time of hating running. Or that I think I let myself get pressured into marrying and having kids too soon. Or that I just broke off a friendship with a man that I was getting too attached to and I could sense my feelings for him were turning into a slippery slope. Or that I love working out because I don’t have to wear my garments. Or that I have discovered men are not evil (like my jaded mother tried to make me believe for years). Or that I love my girls more than anything and want to punch everyone in the face who asks me:”So, when are you gonna start trying for a boy?” Or that I catch myself staring at a black man walking down the street because I’m so deprived of diversity here in Montana? Or that I wish I could up and leave and attend a fabric design school in CA. Or that I’m so sick of my husband listening to talk radio and then trying to talk “politics” with me when coming home and I hate the spirit it brings into our house. Or that I’ve been going to the church’s Addiction Recovery Meeting for years now, but rarely anyone else shows up, cause I guess I must be the only one with problems, after all I wasn’t raised in the church you know (sorry, if my bitterness is coming through a little bit here). Or that I sometimes imagine people’s faces if I’d get up in sacrament meeting and start shouting “Halleluja!”……the list is endless and I am grateful to have found a place where there’s room for all of me.
Grateful to be here,
Juliane
Comment by Juliane — August 23, 2010 @ 7:01 pm
Luv ya already.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — August 23, 2010 @ 7:13 pm
Um. So, I guess I will introduce myself on here. I’ve lurked for several months, and made a couple of comments. Haven’t wanted to say much, because everyone else seems to say everything so well, I don’t feel like I can articulately add to the discussions.
I had heard about this site for some time, but for some reason the word “housewife” in the name kind of turned me off, despite the “feminist mormon” part piquing my interest. I am not, and have never wanted to be a housewife, so I guess that’s where the interest ended for me, for a while anyway. I started seeing references to the site on other people’s blogs though, and thought I should check it out. And I am glad I did!
I guess I’ve always been a feminist…raised by a single mom in a family of three girls, my mom (perhaps unwittingly) passed feminist ideas on to me, and since I’ve always been a bit of a bleeding heart, social justice kind of person, there you have it. I was born and raised in the church, but I’ve always had those nagging questions in the back of my mind about certain things in the church, that probably began when my single-parent, all-girls family wasn’t allowed to have the missionaries over, or when I heard comments in church about how children from divorced families just don’t turn out as well. (I think my sisters and I genuinely surprised some people in our ward when we graduated from college, married in the temple, and didn’t turn to drugs and promiscuity.) I truly felt my family faced some discrimination in the church when I was growing up, and I don’t want others to have to feel that way, and I don’t want to feel that way anymore.
I’m 30, I’ve been married for two years, no children yet. I’m enjoying having the priesthood in my home for the first time since I was a young child. Ironically, my husband, who is a bit of a feminist himself (though I’m not sure he’d admit it), is the one who has brought up a lot of my current questions/issues with the church. We have a hard time sitting through Sunday School most weeks. I’m the 1st counselor in YW in my ward and I strive to teach my girls “pure” doctrine, i.e., gaining a testimony of Christ, and leave out all the cultural crap. I’ve also used the Beginnings New site a lot, and appreciate the ideas there.
I have a degree is sociology and another in nursing. I love a good debate. I do have a strong testimony of the gospel and of Jesus Christ. One of the things I hoped to find here was discussions about Heavenly Mother, and what people think of that whole idea. I’m really interested in that and can’t wait to get in on discussions about it. Maybe I can even get my husband to start commenting too!
Comment by speckles — August 24, 2010 @ 1:09 am
Hi Speckles,
I can relate to some of the stigma that comes with being “the kid with the divorced parents” and always found it rather insulting when people seemed surprised that I turned out okay…..like children who grow up with married parents are always better off, no matter how dysfunctional they might be. Anyway, glad you “came out of lurking”
Juliane
Comment by Juliane — August 24, 2010 @ 11:04 am
Welcome Speckles and Juliane!
Comment by Risa — August 24, 2010 @ 11:11 am
Hey Speckles, Heavenly Mother has definitely come up! Here are some of the posts in that category: http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/?cat=19
There are a bunch more than that, but we’re not always good at tagging our posts for certain categories, so you have to really dig through the archives.
Comment by nat kelly — August 24, 2010 @ 12:07 pm
nat I sent a facebook request. that strange person is me.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — August 24, 2010 @ 12:15 pm
Nat, thanks for that link to the HM posts. I had been doing some research on that on my own, online, before I ever came to FMH, so I thought I’d share a link to an article I found interesting. It’s from FARMS, and I realize some people here are/might be affiliated with that, so forgive me if it’s already been posted.
The article is called, “Does God Have a Wife?” by Alyson Skabelund Von Feldt. It’s a bit long, but definitely worth a read I think. To give those who are interested a taste of what it’s about, I’ll quote my favorite part from the article:
“Nephi, under the angel’s guidance, identifies the fruit of the tree of life as the “love of God” (1 Nephi 11:22). This phrase is usually understood to mean that partakers will be filled with loving feelings from God or like God’s. But the “love of God” could also mean not merely a possession of God’s—the loving feelings that he directs or bestows—but rather the object of God’s love—the person whom he loves. As Kevin Christensen put it, “a who as well as a what.” A beloved wife, perhaps.”
In the article, she basically says that the scriptures are full of examples of the divine feminine, but that we may just not fully understand those references and their meanings yet. Lots of layers to the scriptures, I guess.
Another article I liked was “Nephi and his Asherah”, link here. Again, I apologize if this is old news, I’ve only been visiting this site for a few months but wanted to share any insight I had on HM since it’s so hard to come by.
Comment by speckles — August 24, 2010 @ 2:21 pm
Love the links, speckles. Also google Kevin Barney’s “How to Worship our Heavenly Mother (without getting excommunicated).” Excellent research has been done on this topic.
Comment by nat kelly — August 24, 2010 @ 2:23 pm
How did you find fMh?
I found fMh about three years ago through a link on a general Christian blog. I’ve been lurking more or less continually since then.
Why do you participate here?
I’m really fascinated and inspired by certain aspects of Mormonism. I’m Christian (Presbyterian, to be specific), but Mormon views on the atonement and, yes, Heavenly Mother deepen my Christian faith.
Your thoughts on feminism, Mormonism and huswifery. (or not)
I took on the “feminist” label when I was thirteen and haven’t looked back. I had a competitive streak (still do) and generally don’t take no for an answer. I still notice how sexism and societal roles affect me, though, and I try to keep working to act in a way that I’d want my hypothetical daughter to see.
Though I really do admire a lot about Mormonism, I don’t see how I could think seriously about converting, at least at this point in my life. There’s a lot of church teaching that I don’t agree with, especially about women’s issues and gay rights. I’ve dated women in the past and probably will in the future.
And, most importantly, tell us a little bit about who you are.
I’m not a likely fMh commenter.
I’m 21, single, and a college graduate still looking for work. I don’t even know if I want to be married, much less have kids. Still, I love this website for making me think deeply about religion. I’ve found some of the best theology comes from trying to explain or reconcile an accepted religious viewpoint to modern, more worldly practices.
Thank you to all who’ve made this blog what it is!
Comment by Chicagogirl — August 24, 2010 @ 9:02 pm
I’m a semi-newbie. What started me here, like many of you, was CA Prop. 8. in my late 20’s. I took a two year hiatus and now back to this lovely pink page to commiserate, learn, laugh, love, and be loved.
I like to read and learn from 3rd world feminists, capitalist theorists, theorists on capitalism, postmodernist thinkers and artists, ethnographers, data crunchers, money munchers, anyone who’s ever felt out of place, and the rest of you.
The Church holds a great deal of complex emotions for me. I am more at home in/with the Church in a Chinese congregation (perhaps language branches are too essentializing sometimes but that’s a better problem to have than feeling like the yellow sheep in a mostly white-cultured congregation.) I believe we are all learning right along with the leadership on what it means to be a mostly global yet controlled-by-local organization.
My pet peeves: Smug comments that reveal the originator is one who has never had to deal with violent racism, sexist exploitation, or feeling like the “other” in a room. Please speak up because I will be learning in the process.
Apologies in advance: I really, truly do have problems with prepositions and prepositional phrases. My favorite punctuation mark is the comma, and I can be terse. I’m open to criticism and correction as long as they are thoughtful.
Thank you to mfranti for reaching out to sheep of all colors — too much cheese? Yeah, that was.
Comment by Zhen — August 25, 2010 @ 2:17 pm
Zhen, I love you already, and I have a way too many commas myself, so if ya run out, just holler.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — August 25, 2010 @ 4:10 pm
hmmm…. i’m sure no-one on fmh would EVER act like that. Nu-uh.
as for commas, i’m still working on them. one day, i’ll figure out their proper placement.
fmoc, welcome back. we’re glad to have your brig brain back on board. (no pun)
Comment by mfranti — August 25, 2010 @ 11:47 pm
Hugs to IdahoG-ma. I will check here regularly for a piece of your wisdom.
hah, sarcasm aside though…..Feeling a little sheepish (pun intended)….Finally, went through most of these intros. and maybe I should of read these first before posting mine. I love that most everyone can relate to being an outsider. duh. feminist and mormon and, male?
I’m duly impressed with all the males.
Promise you’ll moderate me if it’s too much “race in your face”
Comment by Zhen — August 28, 2010 @ 1:36 am
How did you find fMh?
I stumbled across this site a couple of months ago when my fiance decided he wanted to return to church and asked me to go with him. I did a google search for wearing trousers to church (my wardrobe is very limited right now due to slowly winning the battle with my weight) anyway I found “The Wrong Trousers” post and what was meant to be a 5 minute browse became a few hours of intrigue,laughter and sometimes total bewilderment.
Needless to say I was hooked and have been reading ever since!
So I decided it was time to say hello and thank you for such a variety of posts and I might actually decide to comment on some now
I’m still investigating the church and yes I wear trousers every sunday, so far so good- but we seem to be very lucky here and have a really wonderful welcoming ward.
Comment by SarahUK — September 7, 2010 @ 8:26 am