When we drop the ball…
I came back from Sunstone so inspired in so many directions, but also buried under all the stuff that comes with being away from home for a week. Piles of laundry, a floor covered in cat hair, a baby with separation anxiety, a garden that is threatening to give up the ghost altogether, and I kind of wanted to implode with the tension of it all. I felt so overwhelmed with what had to be done, and what should probably be done, and what I wanted to get done, that I kind of went into a little bit of a funk.
Don’t we all go through those periods when we feel like our juggling is totally out of rhythm? When we feel like we’re doing everything halfway and not really getting anything done right and disappointing everyone in the process? A span where you just feel like you suck at life? Yeah, that’s hit me big time this week.
I spent this week thinking about everything I have on my plate, everything I do for Atti, for my family, for myself, thought about what I could let go of, and I wasn’t willing to give up anything. I can’t exactly slack off on his therapy, I’ve tried giving up crafting and it doesn’t work for me, and I’m finally writing after a lifetime of guilt about it. Plus I need to find a way to exercise every day to take care of a nagging medical condition. And maybe feed my family something that doesn’t come in a bag.
But instead of falling back into that trap of being overwhelmed and getting nowhere, I took a deep breath and tried to cope. My OCD (which, by the way, I never really think of as a disorder since, when kept in check, it just makes me *really* productive) kicked in and I made myself a little list and asked the question, “How could I fit in as much as possible, TODAY.” Without worrying about a whole new structure to the rest of my life or trying to fit in every good thing every single day, what can I do right now. And yesterday turned out to be a really really great day. A day I enjoyed but also a day where I felt like I was doing a much better job at life. And best of all I came up with some creative little multi-tasking solutions that really will change the structure to the rest of my life. I don’t think I could have entered problem-solving mode until I could just stop being scared by the size of the problems.
There is so much about parenthood that is overwhelming and stressful, but man, when you figure something out, it is the most powerful feeling in the world.
The regular seasonal changes that come in life always seem to shake up our schedules enough to let the balls slip through our fingers here and there. Now that school is starting back up, fall is coming with the holidays right behind it, new sports seasons and activities for the kids, how do you cope with the change ups when on a good day everything seems so tenuous?
I have discovered for me that after a big high I have a low…a funk if you will. I do much better if I let myself have the funk, then go ahead with some of my new goals.
I have in the past let the funk keep me from making the changes I wanted to make
Comment by britt — August 25, 2009 @ 7:37 pm
My OCD (which, by the way, I never really think of as a disorder since, when kept in check, it just makes me *really* productive)…
Oh sister, you and me are alike. It does get out of control - as a SAHP I basically spent all my time cleaning the house - but when it’s under control I am Superwoman.
As for everything else - yes, yes and more yes. I’ve been feeling that slump for months, culminating in a massive bout of writer’s block that’s leaving me intellectually constipated. The school year starts for my family tomorrow and I, for one, am thrilled. I’m seeing it as an excellent opportunity to get off my ass. Less thinking, more doing - that is my new mantra.
Comment by Chandelle — August 25, 2009 @ 7:51 pm
I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been dropping the ball for two years now. I suppose getting off FMH would be a good start . . . (but the addictions is just.too.strong.)
Comment by Stephanie — August 25, 2009 @ 8:00 pm
The last three months have been spent playing with my kids and grandchildren. The housecleaning and cooking were put on the back burner and stayed there. It has finally caught up to me. I look around the house and cringe.
Everyone is back in school now so it’s time to get my butt in gear. That first week is usually tough for me and I guess “funk” is the right word for it. Time to get back to work and taking care of responsibilities.
Stephanie (#3), I agree, this computer takes up wayyy too much of my time. Also, did I miss a baby announcement?
Comment by Numi — August 25, 2009 @ 8:07 pm
I have mentioned it, Numi, but I don’t mind announcing again.
Yes, she was (finally) born last Monday. Over a week old. And darling! Thank you for asking!
Comment by Stephanie — August 25, 2009 @ 8:11 pm
I’ve thought about giving up computer altogether or spending less time on the computer. I do wonder what is the best quality use of my time.
I’m trying to implement the flylady’s ideas about housecleaning, i.e. it’s better to get in the habit of doing it for short times multiple times per day than to undertake enormous cleaning frenzies at long intervals. Also, forming habits by doing one small thing until it’s habitual, and gradually adding another small thing every so often to the habits. It does show me how to keep a nice house without letting cleaning and housekeeping take over my life. I totally revamped the system to fit my situation, just adopting the ideas I find most useful.
I hear you on the OCD thing. I’ve got just enough to make me meticulous and productive without it causing problems. I think that’s why there are so many OCD genes floating around in the human gene pool. Needing a clean sterile kitchen definitely has high survival value.
Exercise, too, is another way I’m able to feel calmness and well-being in my bones when life threatens to get out of control. After a good yoga workout, life is just better. Probably the worst part of my auto-immune connective tissue disorder is that it makes exercise too damaging to do. After even one workout, I’m sometimes crippled for a week or more now, and I know it’s doing irreparable damage so I had to stop. I really miss it.
I’ve found that I need at least an hour of peacefulness daily to function. I usually spend that hour just sitting and watching the birds at the feeders. It’s a great time for meditation, prayer, and simply being.
Please explain your multitasking tricks you found. I want details!
Comment by Tatiana — August 25, 2009 @ 8:21 pm
My hubby and I are expecting our fourth baby, and what comes with a fourth baby? Making room for a fourth baby. We have been talking about moving our daughter around and painting that needs to be done, and upkeep on the house. I realized that a schedule works well for me. I need to know how long something will last so that I can have the endurance to accomplish it. If it takes three days I need to know what’s going to happen each day so I can understand and plan, and know when my house will be in order.
Also, I can not have to many projects going at one time. We are doing corn this week, and a lot of it, so I decided that painting this weekend is not a good idea. I have to stay focused or I loooooooooose control!
But, now I know that I am so much better. I did get a little anxiety thinking of orchestra, work, and piano lessons all fitting into one tiny schedule. I guess it’s my time to really be a soccer mom, or rather a music run around crazy mom!
Stephanie, I guess i missed that announcement too. I’ve been in and out during the weekend and I was wondering about bambino! Congrats….
Comment by Sunshine — August 25, 2009 @ 8:36 pm
Reese, why do you say that you dropped the ball? If your spouse was home while you were away, isn’t it he that dropped the ball?
feel free to correct me if I crossed a line.
Comment by mfranti — August 25, 2009 @ 9:03 pm
Girl, I not only dropped the ball, I let it roll down the stairs, into the basement and into that dark corner where the spiders lurk and into which I dare not go. Thus I sit around eating the chocolate bon bons my husband bought me because he missed me while I was away (no kidding! bon bons!), feeding my kid macaroni, and listening to NPR!
I suppose I did manage a few loads of laundry today . . . but that’s about all.
Comment by Janet — August 25, 2009 @ 9:05 pm
yes janet, but that was a gag gift.
tell D that i’ll miss his sense of humor.
Comment by mfranti — August 25, 2009 @ 9:08 pm
Like you, I would suggest making a list. The visual effect really helps. As a single mom, business owner, charity director and home improvement diva, every now and again there is a perfect storm where the things that I want to do come together at once. (Note nothing we are talking about here is life or death) I write a list of the things that need to be done and just start checking them off when they are done. It helps me not to get overwhelmed and when I see things getting checked off, I feel energized to keep going. I can get more done in one of those days in two of my “regular” days
Comment by StillConfused — August 25, 2009 @ 9:12 pm
Mel. HOW **DARE** YOU….
Please. I may be new here, but I’m not exactly *new* new here. I think I can take it.
Ordinarily Bear’s really really good about keeping things up when I’m away, but this particular trip brought a crapheap of work catastrophes that had him at the office until 9 at night. For some reason the state of California thinks it’s a big deal when both boilers break at a nursing home. Like hot water is so important. Pshaw.
So this time he gets a pass from me. This time.
Comment by Reese Dixon — August 25, 2009 @ 9:27 pm
Tatiana - I don’t think they’d be terribly helpful to anyone but me. Atti has to do a *ton* of therapy throughout the day and I always feel guilty when I don’t fit in every apparatus. Plus I have to juggle multiple writing projects with my craft design work along with all the usual homemaker/adulthood stuff. The epiphanies basically consisted of “If I move [this piece of equipment] upstairs, then Atti can do [this exercise] while I do the treadmill. If I do my computer time at Atti’s lunchtime [it takes him AGES to eat], then I can have studio time while he’s napping.”
A little specific to be useful in general, but I think the principle’s the same.
Comment by Reese Dixon — August 25, 2009 @ 9:45 pm
Yeah that’s right Mel, blame the husband. You forget: he’s the victim in all of this extracurricular stuff that she’s doing. He slaves away at home, paying the bills, while she’s off at Sunstone of all places. That den of iniquity and vice! I can’t believe y’all have the nerve to even talk about that publicly!
Comment by MCQ — August 25, 2009 @ 10:57 pm
“Don’t we all go through those periods when we feel like our juggling is totally out of rhythm?”
Yes. Definitely, yes.
Okay, enough blogging, back to class prepping that I should have done a week ago. . .
Comment by Kaimi — August 25, 2009 @ 11:06 pm
[…] From Reese at FMH: […]
Pingback by More very brief thoughts « Seeking for Righteousness — August 25, 2009 @ 11:14 pm
Kaimi, seriously - what are we doing online at all? Shame on us. Reese, I found this really helpful for me facing back-to-school & back-to-teaching. Seems insurmountable but there are ways to do our best each hour, and all the stuff we want to do + all the stuff we have already committed to (especially eternal commitments and covenants) = something that requires ALL our energy, talent and creativity, and something in which our efforts to give our whole selves will be hallowed by God’s grace
Comment by jeans — August 26, 2009 @ 6:21 am
I hit the skids when my asthma kicks in- like the last two weeks, when the air quality is so poor that weeding makes me close to passing out. At that point, I just have to accept that I’m going to get the bare minimum done.
I always rotate housework. I do have an OCD schedule, but it keeps my life sane. I must have a clean house or I feel claustrophobic and antsy. So, rotating the chores helps me keep up but I’m not spending the day cleaning.
Laundry overwhelms me sometimes (it wouldn’t be so bad if I weren’t such a freak about ironing). When the kids leave on trips and come back with a boatload of laundry, it gets backed up even if they are doing their own loads.
If I go back to work full time, I will have to sit down and revamp the chore list because I won’t be able to do all of it.
Comment by Kimberly — August 26, 2009 @ 6:23 am
I’m still trying to get back on track after taking time out for the Sunstone Symposium, but it was totally worth it.
Comment by chanson — August 26, 2009 @ 7:59 am
I’ve noticed that there’s something entirely relieving about organizing a mess BEFORE trying to tackle it. I do this with dishes and laundry and pretty much any mess I make because it somehow makes handling it a lot less daunting. You can tell when I plan on cleaning on Tuesday because I spend all of Monday doing cleaning prep. I t aggravates my mother because it looks like I stop in the middle of things, but I actually get more done this way without getting nearly as upset.
Comment by Paradox — August 26, 2009 @ 8:04 am
Make a list.
At top of list, number 1 item is: “Make a List”.
As soon as the list is done, CROSS IT OFF. There. You’ve already started.
Then, as you go through the day doing things that aren’t on the list,
rush over and ADD them as soon as they’re done, then CROSS THEM OFF.
Pretty soon there are only a few things left (like the one’s you started with). They are easy to do since the now lengthy list is nearly done.
Finally, remember two mantras - “Not everything worth doing is worth doing well.” And, “When all else fails, Lower your standards.”
Comment by Betty Jo — August 26, 2009 @ 8:45 am
Betty Jo… you wise saint of a woman you…..
Comment by Sunshine — August 26, 2009 @ 9:45 am
“Not everything worth doing is worth doing well”
AMEN!
Comment by Emily U — August 26, 2009 @ 9:47 am
Betty Jo, there’s a Frog and Toad story by Arnold Lobel that you should read. I’m afraid of making lists for this reason; what if I lost the list? I wouldn’t be able to do ANYTHING ALL DAY.
That’s what I tell myself . . .
Comment by Beth — August 26, 2009 @ 10:14 am
This is my new mantra: “Let it goooooo!” (Usually sung to myself in soothing tones)
Really, I find myself in those cycles and sometimes I find it very therapeutic just to let myself have a full-on one-day funk where I can mope about how hard my life is. Then while I’m in bed not able to sleep because of how much I should’ve done but didn’t do, I start my list and list everything I need to do. Accomplishing the list lets me go to sleep, and the good nights sleep helps me out of my funk.
But really, I am trying to be better at letting go of things. I really think a lot of people tend to put entirely too many expectations on themselves.
Comment by Enna — August 26, 2009 @ 10:16 am
I had a really great system going when we were getting up at 4:30 a.m. to get DH off to work. His job changed (but he still has a job, for which I’m grateful) and now we are getting up at 5:30 a.m. It’s amazing how much LESS I get done without that hour by myself. I hate to do housework at night, so I was getting my basic list done in the morning before kids-school-work.
I was doing pretty well when the children only had karate and scouts/YW, (and therapy). I did sign them both up for piano. I feel it’s important and the deal is they only have to do two years. Then what happens, DH signs the teenage daughter (who I’m homeschooling - while I’m working part time) for cross country. I keep telling myself: it’s only six weeks….
Comment by JJ — August 26, 2009 @ 10:29 am
You mean some of you are able to get the balls in the air and a rhythm in the first place?
re: 21
I keep losing my lists.
Comment by Derek — August 26, 2009 @ 12:54 pm
I am the queen of bad funk, and bad funk at my house leads to all out dysfunctional melt-o-down. Oh the screaming and smeared jam across my couch, years of wondering how I can go from peace and order to the Adams family over night. So I have a system, it’s a little uptight (and I am not a uptight person) but I stick with it.
I use index cards (I fill a new one out every morning) divided into three areas
1. What I will eat for the day. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner planned by 8 a.m.
2. My seven things for the day. These are the same seven everyday, when I have them mastered I one at a time replace them with something new. They are my hold on sanity.
Right now my list includes reading to my children, kitchen and front room cleaned, dressed by 10 a.m., balance checkbook, 30 min of exercise, blog or call friends, prayer and meditation.
My list isn’t all about to do’s it is more about finding balance
spiritual, physical, children, personal, financial, social (that’s where all of you fit in) and my home. If I let one of these areas slip it can all come a tumbling down, and I won’t even see it coming.
3. I right 2 things I have been procrastinating, only 2. Anymore and I will get overwhelmed and give up before I have even started. I get those completed by the end of the day.
I keep the cards, if I am not getting my 7 things checked off consecutively for days or weeks I know it is time to reevaluate my life.
Comment by kandi and salt — August 26, 2009 @ 12:59 pm
Betty Jo- I love your list idea- that’s what I do. I only make lists when I’m feeling overwhelmed, but if I do something that wasn’t on the list to start with, I add it and cross it off.
It makes me feel good to have a long list of things crossed off- plus, then if I didn’t get one or two things done, it’s okay, because the list was so long.
With school starting I’m now driving two towns over to take my kids to school everyday, and with one in half day kindergarten, it makes for a lot of driving (although I’m staying at my parents’ house during K hours to cut the number of trips), and I think it’s going to take me awhile to figure out how to get everything done around the driving.
Plus there’s soccer, and basketball soon, and scouts and my community volunteer stuff that I’ve been slacking on.
I get overwhelmed if I have more than one thing a day.
Comment by Alliegator — August 26, 2009 @ 1:28 pm
I’ve found that although Bill was doing things on his own while I was gone, as soon as I came back, he expected me to do them. Now I work oh, about 36 hours a week; he works 40, but I do almost all the housework except he does do the dishes maybe 4 times a week. He takes out the trash.
Sometimes I put in a whole day washing and cleaning and then I go to work.
But, like you, Reese, I keep getting behinder. The clutter weighs on me and gets on my nerves. The other day, I just took some boxes downstairs and piled stuff in them that I hadn’t used, but had been saving. It feels pretty good to get that mucked out.
Comment by annegb — August 27, 2009 @ 9:39 am
i’m in a funk at the moment. this last year has gotten me there. losing a baby, moving states twice in the last 8 months, husband gone for officer training, and then 3 months after we’re back together he is deployed. i’ve got about a week before my son starts school, and i’ve been home from our 3 week long vacation for a week, and i’m floundering a bit. trying to get us back on a schedule, recover from our trip, and get used to the idea that no one is coming home at the end of the day.
i do have big plans to get a lot of things done while he’s gone, so i’m working on that list. also get myself on a good daily routine so that even in the dreary winter ahead, i’ll still be able to get things done. (i’m really affected by the weather and the lack of sun).
one of the first things on my list is to find me a good therapist so that when the clouds are too much for me, i will have the help i need to get out of that funk. and buy one of those full spectrum lights. or maybe just tan.:)
Comment by Terina — August 29, 2009 @ 12:20 am
Good luck, Terina. Hang in there.
Comment by Stephanie — August 29, 2009 @ 10:18 pm
Stephanie- I missed the news as well. I lost my blackberry in the ocean 2 1/2 weeks ago so I am just starting to look back into blogs with my new ‘used’ phone. Congrats on your new baby and hope that you are feeling well!
Reese - you mentioned therapy for your son. If you (or anyone else for that matter) needs OT equipment for kids, I belong to a group that shares or gives gently used equipment that is no longer needed or outgrown.
Comment by Sonia — September 15, 2009 @ 4:31 pm
Thanks, Sonia!
Comment by Stephanie — September 15, 2009 @ 5:11 pm