The Catalyst
I’ve been absent from fMh for several months now. My desire to blog was at zero. I clung to the perma emails that go around nearly daily, but I couldn’t concentrate for long enough to follow a post, or muster the energy to do so. This post will explain a little bit about my absence.
The following is the first in a series detailing my experience with depression. It’s something ongoing, and very personal, so your sensitivity is asked for. I’ve been hesitant to post on it, because of its personal nature, but since it’s a topic that was in the news here not too long ago, I thought maybe it was an appropriate time
I guess I knew something was wrong. I sat opposite a Bishopric member who thanked me for my service and released me from my calling in young womens. I hurried to my car and wept as I drove home to pick up the rest of the family for church. When I got there, I fell sobbing into my husband’s arms. I was devastated. I loved my calling and I loved the girls I was serving. As I sat in church about half an hour later, was released and listened to the new presidency called, I had a hard time controlling my emotions. Thoughts ran through my mind. The new president had been the other previous counsellor. Why didn’t she want me? Why, when I had such strong impressions about my purpose in this calling was I now being rejected?
Being called into YW in my new ward was the best calling I’ve had in years. I love those girls. They inspire me to be better and I’m grateful I’ve turned out to be the kind of leader a couple of them really needed.
8 months later…
It was the longest 3 hours of church I’ve ever sat through. I sat in numb silence as I was released from my calling in YW. Tears frequently escaped my eyes and I found myself wishing a hole in the ground would appear and swallow me up. I wanted the pain to stop. The tears continued periodically for the next few days and the next few Sundays. I was in tears by the end of Sacrament Meeting and heading home, unable to attend the other meetings.
I was sitting at the computer one day and realised my reaction was not how I would normally react. It dredged up unhappy memories of the post natal depression I’d had 9 years previously with my first child. The feelings were the same and action was needed, but my mind still denied depression could be the reason behind my continuing dark mood.
I felt shame that I couldn’t be more determined or self disciplined and lift the fog myself. I felt worse and worse about myself. I couldn’t talk to anyone about it - even my husband, such was my embarrassment and self loathing. My days were dark. I felt alone wherever I was. It was effort to do anything at all. I felt shut in my own mind, unable to vocalize what was wrong.
The cycle perpetuated and it felt impossible for me to break it. Through an unrelated conversation, my husband was the one who presented the opportunity for me to face, head on, the void inside me.
Next…The First Visit
Rebecca, I’m really looking forward to the rest of this. Your first installment seems too short…
Comment by Martin — January 27, 2010 @ 2:09 pm
Looking forward to this. Depression is one of my demons. I’m in Young Womans right now and it feels like a perfect fit. I really don’t want to leave.
Comment by Bobby Pin Natalie — January 27, 2010 @ 2:29 pm
Thanks for starting this story, Rebecca. I struggle with depression and this:
(well, minus the husband part) rings so true.
Comment by Enna — January 27, 2010 @ 2:44 pm
Thank you for posting this series. It takes courage to reveal the “dark parts” of ourselves, but I think it helps others to realize that they are not alone and don’t need to feel ashamed.
I identify a lot with your experience. I felt this same way when our ward split two years ago, and I was released as YW Pres and DH was called into the Bishopric. I cried for a week straight. I knew exactly what this meant for me and my life: lots of lonely nights at home with the kids and a calling in cub scouts. The Bishop had mercy on me for a little bit by giving me a small calling in YW, but here I am now, exactly where I knew I would be.
My periods of depression started around the same time, and it took me a long time (like just last month) to recognize them for what they were. But, it’s hard to tell what feelings are due to distaste for my situation and which are due to my thyroid. As a friend I was talking to said about her life the other day (with a husband who travels for half the month), “Well, most people in this situation would be a little crazy! Is it the hormones or is it just my life?”
I am really looking forward to hearing the rest of your story.
Comment by Stephanie — January 27, 2010 @ 2:50 pm
Thank you for being brave enough to share. I look forward to your next post.
Comment by Moniker Challenged — January 27, 2010 @ 2:56 pm
I think I am a tad depressed. Just had my 4th child and all I want to do is sleep. I don’t really want to go anywhere and I don’t really want to talk to anyone. People call on the phone and all I want to do is crawl back in bed and hold my baby. Sometimes I don’t even answer the phone, especially if it is a ‘talker’.
I think I need to talk to my husband. The worst part is I don’t really know what to do about it. Do I talk about it? Do I take medication, is it my hormones? See… now all I want to do is go upstairs and go to bed.
Thanks for writing this and I’m sure there are countless others out there that have felt this same way.
Comment by Sunshine — January 27, 2010 @ 3:46 pm
Sunshine, I want to email you a book about progesterone and thyroid hormones. Can you give me your email, or can you email it to mfranti to give to me? I found this book helpful. It might be a good place to start.
Comment by Stephanie — January 27, 2010 @ 3:55 pm
Stephanie, that would be great. sunraylove77 at yahoo dot com. I actually have had some problems with my Thyroid. I have taken vitamins and stuff which normally works, but maybe there is more to it!
Comment by Sunshine — January 27, 2010 @ 3:59 pm
Okay, I’ll email it now. The symptoms you are describing (wanting to sleep all day, mildly depressed) sound thyroid related. Have you had your thyroid tested since your baby has been born? If your thyroid levels are off, you need medication now and then can work with vitamins, etc. as you stabilize. I’m a “natural” person myself, but I’ve read 5 books and endless articles on the internet and am convinced that thyroid problems need prompt medical attention. There is a condition called postpartum thyroiditis (that’s what I have). You could be dealing with that. If so, it needs to be corrected before your body creates an autoimmune response (as mine did). Anyways, I’ll email you a book I found helpful.
Comment by Stephanie — January 27, 2010 @ 4:08 pm
Sunshine, talk to your OB/GYN or midwife. If it is postpartum depression and not your thyroid, she/he will know ways to help.
Comment by Risa — January 27, 2010 @ 4:20 pm
I’m so proud of you Rebecca.
Comment by Reese Dixon — January 27, 2010 @ 4:42 pm
I am looking forward to each of the posts and how you worked through the depression. I am especially interested in seeing the role that diet, exercise and such helped (if they did). Depression is one of those silent illnesses that many people are afraid to talk about.
Comment by StillConfused — January 27, 2010 @ 4:44 pm
I am constantly amazed at the brave women who blog here.
Thanks Rebecca for your willingness to share this experience with us all.
Comment by Lupita — January 27, 2010 @ 4:59 pm
Sunshine: That does sound like postpartum depression. My wife had it bad after our first child, then her hormones went nuts after the second child for a while, like periods every 2-8 week, no regularity to it.
Rebecca: I can really identify with that. I have depression, no doubt. Doing Family History was a boost to me, until my former Bishop said that I did too much of it, and that my 2 sons were autistic because I neglected them in the name of Family History. I would spend a few hours here & there working on Family History, not every waking non-work moment. Yet, so rarely do I hear of being a sports fan causing neglect of family by men in the Church, yet I know that happens.
I was also a YM Secretary in another Ward, and I know how you can get attached to the youth in a calling like that.
I don’t understand why the Church has this web site:
http://www.disabilities.lds.org/disabilities/eng/
and yet so few leaders & members look at it. Yet, it says plainly there:
So few look around there, yet I hear how “you can’t be tempted above what you can endure”. Many members blur afflictions with temptations.
Yes, I feel snarky at times about how poorly otherwise enlightened members of the Church are with dealing with depression.
Comment by Mike H. — January 27, 2010 @ 5:02 pm
Thank you for writing this…it is so difficult to know what to do about depression. We have all felt real depression for a real reason…but when you have chemical depression it’s so hard to not look at the things in your life as reasons to be depressed, so thus you shouldn’t need medicine, you just need to fix your life… sigh
Comment by britt — January 27, 2010 @ 5:02 pm
What a wonderful project for you to take on Rebecca, and very brave. I have been thinking about you the past few months and wondering what was going on. Can’t wait to read the rest of this series. You will be doing a great service to many others by addressing this topic head on.
Welcome back.
Comment by MikeInWeHo — January 27, 2010 @ 5:06 pm
I remember a couple years ago my husband disclosed to me that he was feeling depressed. The pre-counselor me dismissed him and gave him no empathy whatsoever. I told him he had no reason to be depressed, I, after all worked more and was the main contributor to our finances. He bounced back pretty quickly although I think he still struggles with it time to time. For the first time in my life I am feeling the depression blues. I feel like nothing in my life has value anymore. I sit at work and in class with no desire to be there or get anything done. I’m hoping it’s just a phase or perhaps Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I’m pretty lucky because I know my husband would be nothing but supportive and would not dismiss me like I did to him.
Thank you for writing about this topic and sharing these personal experiences of yours. For most of my childhood I watched my mom slip in and out of depression and for a long time I have judged those that have suffered from depression. Before you all are mad at me for judging, just know that my heart has softened and my views have changed. I look forward to your series Rebecca.
Comment by ssj — January 27, 2010 @ 5:41 pm
You’re very brave Rebecca.As someone who has worked with depressed people and struggled through it myself,I would encourage anyone to get whatever sympathetic medical help available and get medicated,to kick your body out of a viscious cycle.Seeking therapeutic help,preferably alongside medication if necessary,seems to bring about the best outcomes.Some of my favourite people are depressed.
I’ve loved my time with fellow travellers.
Comment by wayfarer — January 27, 2010 @ 5:50 pm
thank you. my kiddies are much older now but i recall having pnd with my second, thankfully not too bad but can still remember the darkness i felt deep inside.
Recently I’ve been under a lot of stress at work ( i teach) & I took
a duvet day off last week. spent most of the day welling up in tears. tonight I felt that old darkness return for the first time in 18 yrs and am now wondering if i am slipping into some sort of depression again not prone to it normally but at least I am aware.
sorry to ramble..:)
Comment by debrauk — January 27, 2010 @ 6:08 pm
I have read a lot about the symptoms of depression and related ailments that are often treated as depression. I found it very interesting the role that diet and exercise plays. High carb / low protein diets seem to contribute to the depression feelings. I am not completely sure why that is though I suspect it has to do with the high sugar content and the body’s inability to handle that. Also, lack of exercise seems to lead to more depression. That makes sense, our bodies are stagnant and that is not what they were designed to be.
There are so many more people now feeling depressed even though our lives are so much easier than those of our ancestors - who did not have processed foods and had to work very hard in their lives.
Comment by StillConfused — January 27, 2010 @ 6:20 pm
I’m sorry for the threadjack, but I’d never heard this:
before and I think it’s brilliant. Will be incorporating into my vocabulary……now.
Comment by Reese Dixon — January 27, 2010 @ 6:31 pm
I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this. Depression can be very debilitating, and hard for others to understand sometimes. Like why can’t you just snap out of it? It can take quite a bit to overcome true depression, so I hope things are looking up for you these days. I anticipate reading the rest of your posts.
Comment by mk7 — January 27, 2010 @ 6:46 pm
Rebecca, having been through PPD, I have a good understanding of just how bad severe depression can feel. I remember not being able to open my mouth to speak or answer the phone without bursting into tears.
My heart goes out to you, and I hope to hear in subsequent installments that you are feeling much better.
Comment by Lorian — January 27, 2010 @ 6:56 pm
You are brave, and you are not alone.
Comment by Tracy M — January 27, 2010 @ 7:08 pm
Re 20 - it likely depends on what is causing the depression. From my readings on glandular disorders (thyroid, sex, adrenal), toxins in the environment (food, water, cleaners, etc.) can interfere with proper hormone communication and can cause an imbalance, which may or may not lead to depression. One big factor appears to be xenoestrogens, which are chemicals that act as estrogens in the body and lead to an estrogen/progesterone imbalance. The solution to that would be to both limit contact with xenoestrogens and possibly use a natural bio-identical progesterone in the meantime while the body adjusts. As you pointed out, sugar is a toxin. Caffeine can also be a toxin, particularly to those whose adrenals are insufficient.
Speaking of adrenals, if they are insufficient, then exercise will actually make the body feel worse. The treatment there is to balance the adrenals first and then slowly build up exercise.
So, anyways, it really just depends on what is the cause of the depression. If you can pinpoint it, the treatment can be much more effective. I do think that “eat healthy and exercise” is good advice for long-term mental health but may be destructive advice in the short-term because if someone who is experiencing depression is told “just eat better and exercise” and doesn’t seek treatment, it could easily get far worse before it gets better.
Comment by Stephanie — January 27, 2010 @ 8:14 pm
I second Lupita’s comment (#13)
“I am constantly amazed at the brave women who blog here.”
It is a hard thing to admit to any weakness, never mind one that is invisible - it makes us vulnerable and that is just plain hard. Thank you for being willing to share this with us, Rebecca.
Comment by Matt A. — January 27, 2010 @ 8:58 pm
Thank you, I am right there…I know this isn’t normal….get up, clean, take care of the kids….how long before I can go back to bed…it only 11:30 a.m……how can I be so tired…keep moving, but I feel so heavy and my heart feels so broken. The phone is ringing, I hope its not a neighbor, because my car is the tale tale sign that I am home,they can’t know I am home…. I am weak I am crying again, is it the bad weather or the weight I carry like a slave to this demon. I forgot the party at the children’s school, how could I forget, what is wrong with me, I couldn’t have gone anyway I haven’t showered in 3 days…why shower when all I want to do is sleep. Eating feels like too big of a chore to even look at………. Appointment with my counselor, by the time I walk across the space of the waiting room he knows something is wrong. I have been seeing him for two years, he can sense the pain that oozes from my being, as he closes the door he drops the bomb. I can’t help you if you don’t get on meds. I have been fighting the demon without them how can I give in now I wanted to win, but I am sinking and the demon will conquer. Medication, it feels like proof I am crazy…take something to make me happy, because will power alone can not make me?
Comment by kandi and salt — January 27, 2010 @ 10:35 pm
It’s a courageous and heartfelt post. As I recently mentioned on Stephanie’s post, I’m very familiar with the debilitating and pernicious influence of depression, and how it can sap one’s ability to write. Sorry it’s plaguing you now, and I look forward to the rest of the series.
Comment by Derek — January 27, 2010 @ 11:28 pm
I think my post got eaten, likely due to an overactive spam filter that flipped when I used the name of some common SSRI drugs.
StillConfused: Diet does not seem to help to a large degree to improve things for me. It does make things worse if I skip eating. Omega 3 helps a little. St. John’s Wort just makes me sleepy.
Exercise does help some for me. My Father, who was big on the “there’s no reason to be depressed in this age” denial of his problems, said he felt better after doing physical work. Yet, that was a sign he had problems.
SAD & light therapy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seasonal_affective_disorder
Again, this helps me some, but is not a cure all.
britt: I am taking an SSRI. It has allowed me to keep from really going off the deep end, but it’s not a cure all. Not everyone will have the same results from the same meds! Even in the SSRI family of drugs, results will vary. Lithium helps some greatly, but it did little for me.
Yes, I know it’s Rebecca’s post here, not mine. Just my experiences.
Comment by Mike H. — January 28, 2010 @ 2:19 am
Sorry for the multiple posts. The spam filter went bonkers. Someone please zap posts #17 & #19 that I made.
Comment by Mike H. — January 28, 2010 @ 3:54 am
Rebecca - this is a very brave post. I’m so glad you’re sharing your experiences with us. Much love to you.
Comment by ECS — January 28, 2010 @ 9:31 am
kandi and salt, hugs to you.
Comment by Stephanie — January 28, 2010 @ 9:50 am
I’m a frequent reader who feels she never has much to add to the conversation. I’ve struggled with depression my whole life of 39 yrs., on meds., but often it’s just a daily push to keep going. Keep moving vs. going to bed. No explainable reason to feel this way. I worry people look at me and know. I don’t think I smile much- even when I want to. I have a friend who committed suicide. Mom of 4, active church member, bubbly personality, loved by everyone around her, always, always smiling– that’s what through me off when we talked about it once. Such a beautiful smile- I didn’t realize it was a mask.
My heart and understanding goes out to those suffering.
Thanks for sharing Rebecca- looking forward to hearing your story.
Comment by joule — January 28, 2010 @ 2:29 pm
SAD runs rampant through my family. It is literally the dark days of winter for most of us and we start talking about it to the kids at an early age, so they don’t feel crazy when it descends like one of the dark horsemen…literally. Going outside in sunlight daily, exercise, eating right and taking meds if necessary- that’s our regimen. This was the first year I ended up having to take medication- I was driven to it by insomnia. Prior to that, I did everything in my power to improve matters with non-pharmaceutical interventions and had good success until about seven months ago. Between my mother being diagnosed with a terminal illness, my dh’s looming second stint of unemployment, kidney stones and a fall that injured my coccyx (so I couldn’t ride my bike for months)…I took a downward spiral and I was surprised by how debilitated I became. I’d always felt some kind of mastery over it before…but, for the first time, when I lay awake in bed at night, I thought I would be better off dead- and that really shocked me. That is not like me- I am a fighter. It also worried me because I also know that I am a doer…I would not be the type to “cry for help” by taking an ineffective dose of medication…I’ve taken care of too many unsuccessful suicide patients in the ICU, and I would get it right the first time, make no mistake about that.
Before clinical depression was understood, many of my family members self-medicated with alcohol- which, ironically, is really a depressant, so, it never ended up being helpful at all. Both of my brothers had been driven to the ED for suicidal ideation and two attempts. So, I knew where this would go, if I didn’t get myself on transitional medication.
Recent studies have shown exercise to be of enormous benefit- but that is a piece of irony for the depressed person, who some days feels like it’s a workout to lift his head off the pillow. It’s a laugh to even imagine jumping on a treadmill when a taking a shower feels like running a marathon. Antidepressants are not “happy pills” by any means- merely a tool to assist the body to break the cycle of what has become a chemical abnormality through established patterns. Depressed persons should have lab work done, as mentioned above- check for diabetes, thyroid dysfunction, hormonal imbalance and research has revealed that Vitamin D deficiency is an evil little wart too- I now take 1000 IU per day and it has made a big difference because the very first Vit D lab test I ever received, 7 months ago, showed me to be deficient. I have to make time for me, and I have to take this seriously because it is a medical condition, like any other.
It’s hard to tell with my personality. I’m a bit of a hermit anyway, I’m a very introspective person…I like to be alone a lot. Telling me to socialize doesn’t appeal to my personality type, so, for me, isolation never was a feature of my depression, it was simply a preference. But it is a red flag for a normally social person to become isolated. I’m not a crier, so, that wasn’t a cue for me either. For me, it was anhedonia (loss of all interest in things I took pleasure in before), insomnia, fatigue, weight gain and my brain felt like it was on slow-mo. Absolutely no libido…nada.
It’s unfair not to get treatment because as anyone can imagine, it affects everyone around me too. Obviously, living with me like this was no picnic-even the cat followed me around with a worried look. Medication didn’t solve everything, because the extrinsic issues remain along with the intrinsic chemical issues- there are good reasons for a situational depression and medication frees me up to deal with those issues because they aren’t going anywhere fast.
I’m glad you shared this Rebecca. You are not so alone after all.
Comment by Kimberly — January 28, 2010 @ 5:31 pm
Thanks for having the courage to post this, Rebecca. I look forward to the rest of your series.
Comment by Ziff — January 28, 2010 @ 8:40 pm
Is that where you’ve been Kimberly? We’ve missed you around here. I’m glad to here you’re addressing things, we all love and admire you and want you healthy and happy.
When I go through a bad patch with my anxiety, I go hermit too. For me FMH has been my lifeline because I can “socialize” without having to be socially acceptable. I don’t have to shower or wear clean clothes or get out of bed or even contribute. But I still get to feel that I’m part of a community. Even before I was a perma.
I hope everyone else feels that way too.
Comment by Reese Dixon — January 28, 2010 @ 8:50 pm
kandi and salt -
I know totally what you mean about how taking meds feels like proof of the crazy. My family has so many mental health issues that for a long time I took a perverse pride in avoiding medication because it somehow made me better than them.
I’ve since had to change my tune as I learned how very physical mental health is.
Just be gentle with yourself and remember, if it was medication for any other illness you wouldn’t be ashamed. If it was medication for your children you would do whatever it took to make it happen. You have to advocate for yourself in just that same way.
Comment by Reese Dixon — January 28, 2010 @ 8:56 pm
I told my psychiatric meds Doctor about fMh. He said it’s great idea to interact & think with others. I even told him the “seminal moment in sexuality” crack that Janet put in that Thesis paper.
Too bad others are not as objective, or they stigmatize it for mental issues. We treat pain, heart disease, anemia, allergies, and many other conditions with little hesitation about using meds, but, strangely, depression is a red herring for using meds to many.
Kimberly: Vitamin D did nothing for me, except double my kidney output! Yet, D helps my sister.
Comment by Mike H. — January 28, 2010 @ 11:05 pm
I’m working through depression right now..and I too took some perverse pleasure in not having any meds or shrinks in my phone book. Now I’ve got a shrink(for the last year) and I take a low dose anitidepressant and I have an super high dose anxiety pill for those “special” moments.
They haven’t “cured” me but I’m much happier now ..not because of the pill(s) but rather because I’ve stopped hiding it from myself and others. Yes I have depression yes I suffer from anxiety issues..yes I see a shrink. And yes I’ve now recognized that these things have been a lifelong issue for me. Hopefully,I will learn more coping skills so that I can reduce my need for the meds.
we’re not alone, we’re not crazy…we’re not weak…and we will make it out stronger then when we got to this place.
hugs,love you all.
Comment by Jillin — January 28, 2010 @ 11:21 pm
I’ve been thinking lately about depression as one of the stages of grieving a loss.
The stages Kubler-Ross identified are:
1. Denial (this isn’t happening to me!)
2. Anger (why is this happening to me?)
3. Bargaining (I promise I’ll be a better person if…)
4. Depression (I don’t care anymore)
5. Acceptance (I’m ready for whatever comes)
I first learned of these stages as part of a death and dying class in college… but any loss we face is a death of sorts.
Losing a calling that was so meaningful would easily elicit a definite grief reaction. The thing is, there is no set time frame for each stage and sometimes we get stuck in one. You might have entered depression for a clear reason and stayed there for other reasons as well. Sometimes, we never get through all of the stages and find acceptance.
I have a disease that comes and goes and each time it hits, I am thrust into the stages of grieving. I haven’t ever really found acceptance in the past, because by the time the disease and difficulty it brings lifts, I abandon all stages of grief… so I never really deal with it. In the last year though, the disease progression has worsened significantly and hasn’t lifted. I find that I am depressed by it to a level I didn’t expect. As well, my husband now faces the challenge of losing a healthy wife… and he’s had to deal with stages of grief too. He spent most of the summer depressed… and now feels that he’s found acceptance… although it’s a constant process and we both find ourselves at different places on that list of stages at times. Life continues to present challenges and losses that throw us for a loop more often than we’d like.
I know that understanding the common stages of grief a loss might bring doesn’t solve depression itself, but it helps me to understand that there might be a pattern we all face when we suffer a loss of any type.
As a YW years ago, I remember my own YW leader having a very hard time once she was released. It worried me that she was troubled, but I knew her suffering was due to her love for us. I think you should be commended for loving the girls so much.
Comment by Ahhh... — January 29, 2010 @ 8:16 am
Ahhh…, thank you for your comment. I just read a statistic that said 100% of people with chronic disease or pain feel depressed (at least at some point). The Kubler-Ross stages make a lot of sense in this context.
Comment by Stephanie — January 29, 2010 @ 11:52 am
Such an important topic. Thanks for your courage in sharing your story, Rebecca. (And, I’m so glad to see you’re back
)
Comment by EmilyCC — January 29, 2010 @ 3:38 pm
I can really relate to this post. I have been on medication for depression since 2004. The sad fact is I had been suffering from it since the birth of my son in 1990. It would come and go and I didn’t realize for a long time what my problem was. I started to suspect I was depressed when my doctor asked me about it after I had been to see him with some complaints. Again, I was in complete denial. “This can’t be me!” It wasn’t until one day I realized that the best part of my day was going to bed at night so I couldn’t feel anything. I realized that I had a serious problem and it took a lot of courage to admit to myself that I needed help. I felt embarrassed to tell my husband about it. He was very supportive and concerned. When you have depression you don’t think rationally. I stayed on my initial medication (Lexapro) for about one year. I also did a few months of talk therapy which is crucial. About six months after stopping Lexapro I realized the depression had returned. I returned to my doctor who prescribed Wellbutrin and more talk therapy. I have come to the conclusion that my depression is chronic and I will need to be on medication for a very long time (lifelong). I’m okay with that and have learned to be cognizant of my thoughts and feelings. When I have symptoms that are prolonged, I go do a little talk therapy. Right now I have been feeling a little down for a few weeks and I think I’m going to need some more therapy.
Sorry for such a long post but this is such a close subject for me. I really want to stress to kandi and salt and others to not be afraid of medication. It can be lifesaving! You have to view depression as a chronic illness. If you had diabetes would you refuse insulin? Of course not!! Take the first step and see a competent doctor. Usually the first course of action is medication and talk therapy. After a little while you can drop the medication and see how you feel.
Thank you Rebecca for sharing your struggle. I am looking forward to reading more of your thoughts.
Comment by Suzee — January 30, 2010 @ 4:15 pm
kandi and salt,
I put off getting medication for far too long . . . I really believe that the prolonged unmedicated post-partum depression I suffered actually changed my personality in a way that I’m not happy with. I think you should try it, and give it three to six months. Many people can wean off the meds after that and be fine; it’s not a sign of weakness at all–prolonged stress and cortisol can change your brain chemistry and so using SSRIs is just a method of changing it back.
Hugs to you, and good luck.
Comment by Idahospud — February 1, 2010 @ 12:30 am
Depression is also intimately linked with chronic pain- sometimes it’s a chicken or the egg thing, though…hard to separate which comes first in some cases, because symptomatic depression can include increased incidence of illness (immune system is down) and generalized aches and pains. But, we routinely place people with MS, lupus and the like on anti-depressants because it is depressing to be debilitated or constantly worried about becoming debilitated and dealing with pain on top of it all.
Comment by Kimberly — February 1, 2010 @ 11:02 am
[…] common theme: depression. I read posts on Mormon Women Project, Blog Segullah, Mormon Mommy Blogs, FMH, Melancholy Smile, and other sites I love. I felt like these authors were speaking my language. […]
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