Christmas giving and other wasteful notions
So after sleeping until 9:00 am on this beautiful Buy Nothing Day, then eating my breakfast slice of pumpkin pie, I ran across an article in my local newspaper (yes I am about to talk glowingly about George Will on fMh, and it’s getting kinda chilly in hell) in which he outlines why Christmas shopping, though lauded as an economic stimulant, is actually a “hurricane of waste”.
We of the anti-consumerism liberal stripe rant and rave all the time about the degradations of our consumer culture. But I know I still get dragged into the Christmas mania sometimes, feeling that if I don’t buy this or that thing that I’m not really showing my love properly. It can be especially hard when friends and cousins get so many gifts Christmas morning that after hours and hours and hours they lose interest in opening them (I kid you not) Argh! But I (usually) stop myself, mostly because I don’t want my children to be entitled unsatisfied greedy little monsters.
But it never hurts to have my own proclivities reinforced from the other side of the political isle. And since I do like myself a good fluffy read on economics I’m gonna get that Scroogenomics book (from my library, cheap). Even if it is Will recommending it.
Sure I hate the insane waste of the planet’s resources and the exploitation of cheap labor. But hey even from a practical, self-interested, conservative kinda view, it’s still all wrong!!! Go Economics!!! The idea is that if the recipient would not be willing to pay what the giver is willing to pay for the gift, then, for the value, you’d just as well throw the money down a gaping black hole (or into a government stimulus package). But of course we still worry about the value of the sentiment, “it’s the thought that counts” and all. Except generally speaking the sentiment being expressed isn’t so much how thoughtful we are as how baffled we are about how to show how thoughtful we are. So instead of giving joy, I’m giving hassle of disposing of unwanted junk weighted with the burden of not hurting my feelings.
Add to that how much I hate the idea of being manipulated. And the marketers of crap have figured out every way to manipulate us, and no matter how savvy a consumer we might be, we still react emotionally to advertisements, price tags, and in most purchasing decisions. It really just seems better to avoid the whole mess altogether.
Which all serves rather nicely to justify my cheeptitude . . . and my small practical home-made gifts. I figure at the very very least, they show I was willing to spend some of my valuable time making you something.
This year I’m giving the salsa and various jams I spent all summer preserving. I’m gonna knit some hats and mittens. And I’m making heater bags (made with feed corn and thrift store sheets), my kids love to use them to preheat their beds in the winter, also great for menstrual cramps, and sore muscles. And they smell like popcorn when you heat them in the microwave! Yummy.
Ah, Lisa, I swear that for being from different political “stripes”, we have so much in common. I, too, slept in and ate pumpkin pie for breakfast and hate the consumerism of Christmas. I absolutely cannot buy all the crap glittered up for Christmas. I would love any of those giftsyou are giving away. What great ideas.
Every year is the same for us. For some reason, we end up spending a lot in the fall for car repairs and medical bills, etc. We start to feel the pinch right around Thanksgiving. Each of our kids want one big thing (like a pet), to which we say, “That is it! We can’t afford anything else. You’ll get that one gift, so don’t complain when cousin joey opens 10 little cheap gifts and you just get one”. Then we purchase all the obligatory gifts for our family Christmas exchanges, and my honey and I look at each other and say, “No, seriously, dear, I don’t really want anything at all this Christmas AGAIN”. I hope that someday we can actually afford to give each other Christmas gifts.
Comment by Stephanie — November 27, 2009 @ 5:00 pm
I take that back. DH’s cell phone just died, so I guess we are getting cell phones for Christmas. Last year it was new tires so we could drive to UT. I guess it’s not all that bad. I gotta count my blessings.
Comment by Stephanie — November 27, 2009 @ 5:04 pm
The problem with Scroogenomics’ anti-gift argument is that it rests on a set of potentially faulty assumptions:
1. That gift giving is inherently wasteful, e.g. that people in fact are giving gifts that the recipients wouldn’t want, or use, themselves. This is an issue of personal taste, rather than any flaw inherent in the gift giving process. Many families, indeed my own, give highly useful gifts, like socks and underwear, or cash contributions toward education funds, down payment funds, etc.
2. All too often, we associate gift-giving with commercialism; the best gifts, however much they cost or don’t cost, a) come from the heart and b) serve a functional purpose. Arguably, the American Girls doll I received when I was six was a pointlessly commercial gift and a waste of money, but I credit Kirsten (my Swedish pioneer doll), to a large extent, with my ultimate decision to major in history. I’m a history buff to this day. Now, at the time I was six, my parents were just getting going; they couldn’t have afforded to buy me Kirsten on their own. She was a gift from my grandparents. Does the fact that they spent money on something my parents couldn’t afford, and that I didn’t really need to survive, mean that their gift was wasted?
3. I think most people actually do give gifts with good intentions.
Honestly, it’s not that I don’t understand the impulse, but saying “it just seems better to avoid the whole mess altogether” simply because there are bad messages out there seems a lot, to me, like saying it’s better to avoid marriage altogether because of the negative influences on relationships we’re all also experiencing. Yes, we don’t live in a perfect paradise, yes we have to filter out the bad to reach the good–but isn’t the final result worth the effort?
Comment by CJ — November 27, 2009 @ 5:34 pm
Lisa, I couldn’t agree more.
Comment by Tracy M — November 27, 2009 @ 6:27 pm
Isn’t excessive spending what got many people into such a mess now anyway? Of course not everyone who has been negatively affected by this bad economy was so because of their spending or by any fault of their own. But as a nation on the whole– excessive spending spending spending, particularly when they can’t afford to (getting into a too expensive home, double mortgage to buy the boat, etc) certainly has hurt many.
Thanks for the great reminder that celebrating the holiday season and enjoying the gifts of life don’t necessarily have to ‘cost’ a lot. The costs of purchasing new things are far and wide. While the benefits of focusing on other kinds of gifting are innumerable.
Comment by moksha — November 27, 2009 @ 6:28 pm
So true!
Comment by chanson — November 27, 2009 @ 6:54 pm
I became much of the same mind when I read the book “Affluenza” a few years ago. I highly recommend it!
Comment by Lauren — November 27, 2009 @ 7:09 pm
Ditto CJ. Bad gifts may be economically wasteful, although that may not even be the case; I doubt the book takes into account the positive externalities (the “warm glow”) that accompany a gift, or the negative externalities that accompany the lack of a gift. Cash is only worth the cash amount; it doesn’t add any personal value.
Moreover, a gift may well represent consumption that a person wants, but that is more expensive than the person can afford or would spend on herself. (That includes my first iPod, and much jewelry I’ve bought for my wife, among other things. The iPod lasted 4 years, easily worth what she spent, and was exactly what I wanted, but I wouldn’t have purchased it myself.)
I’ve read a more economically rigorous defense of gift-giving (and disagreement with the Scroogenomics argument), but I’m on vacation and don’t have any idea where it is. Still, while there may be very strong anti-consumption objections to gift-giving, this particular economic argument is, at best, occasionally relevant and very possibly is specious.
Comment by Sam B. — November 27, 2009 @ 7:15 pm
I like giving gifts. And receiving them, too. But I set the limit now by consulting how joyful I feel. And if I can’t think of anything I’d feel joyful to give, I just make baked goods or something that everyone can enjoy. That’s how I’m trying now to do just exactly the right amount of Christmas. Enough that the spirit is still there and not so much that it reaches the stage of exhaustion and insanity.
I buy all my gifts online over one weekend in late November or early December. That way I don’t have to get out into the crush. I also budget myself so I don’t spend more than I can afford. Since I’ve established this principle of “just enough” Christmas, I’ve enjoyed the holidays again greatly, and I’m happy instead of in tears as I used to be when I was trying to give everyone their dream Christmas every year. It works much better for me. =)
Comment by Tatiana — November 27, 2009 @ 7:25 pm
I should probably add some numbers: the general experiment, at least as far as I’ve seen it run, is to ask somebody what they think a gift they received is worth. Let’s assume it’s a doll (because that’s one of those gifts my daughters never get sick of). It costs $10 to buy a gift; the recipient says she would pay up to $8 for the doll, but not $10. Therefore, goes the argument, there is $2 of lost value. If the recipient had received $10 cash, she would buy something worth $10. If the giver gave $8, the recipient would have the full value of the gift, and the giver would have $2 extra she could spend as she would. And that’s about where it ends.
But that’s not the full equation; it is very possible that, in addition to the $8 she would have spent on the doll, the recipient gets pleasure worth $4 knowing that the giver cares enough to take the effort to think about an make the gift. If that’s the case, the doll still only has a value of $8 to the recipient, but the recipient has received $12 of value from the gift ($8 of doll plus $4 of pleasure). Ultimately, the doll itself is only worth $8 to the recipient, but the totality of the gift is worth more than the cost of the gift. The $10 cash, on the other hand, may only be worth $10, because cash doesn’t take much thought. Or maybe there’s $1 of pleasure associated with the cash, which makes the gift worth $11. Under these assumptions, in either case, the gift of the doll provides more value than cash.
None of my assumptions may be true, but at the very least, they should be rigorously examined before this excuse for non-gift-giving is invoked.
Comment by Sam B. — November 27, 2009 @ 7:36 pm
Oh, Lisa. Alla that. I have such a hard time with Christmas just because of all of that. I’m like a deer in the headlights this time of year.
Comment by Lorian — November 27, 2009 @ 7:50 pm
We started a few years ago having the children make things for each other for christmas. Now admittedly it was because we didn’t have the money, but it was such a great christmas. They really cared about what the person was opening, and what they were giving. It was little things like frozen cookie dough and play dough and clothes for their doll, homemade pj bottoms, hand painted pj shirts and such…but it led to such a good feeling…it felt like our whole house was santa’s workshop.
It was such a great thing to watch them wait for christmas because of what they were giving.
We still do get them one main gift.
It’s already started here, Natalie is knitting like crazy. I’m knitting. Kalani has plans she won’t mention….I love that.
I also don’t think the way out of a recession is spend like there’s no tomorrow.
Comment by britt — November 27, 2009 @ 8:29 pm
Homemade jam and salsa sounds better than another snowglobe any day!
Comment by Matt A. — November 27, 2009 @ 9:01 pm
I informed the kids today that we are not spending money on Christmas this year, that they need to come up with ideas of things to make for each other and nana and papa. They immediatly began coming up with fun, cute ideas, that are doable with my craft stash. (that is so important, since I don’t have the money to go buy extra stuff for more crafts)
They will each be getting a new quilt that Nana and I have been working on, and some PJ’s. the girls will get new dresses (that nana and I sew) and the boys will probably get vests and bow ties. (I found out they love bowties, from Halloween)
The adults in the house (all 4 of us) will just get to enjoy the look on the kids faces as they open what they do get. A friend of ours is giving them a second hand Playstation since ours broke, so that will be their BIG gift.
We will spend the day playing games, watching marathon movies and munching on great food.
Basically, I am refusing to let the commerialism get to me this year, and I don’t want to take part of the mass craziness that seems to consume my friends. I am looking forward to decorating the house, and then hunkering down in my craft room, to get to work on fun things to give, instead of worrying about where I can find money to get useless little trinkets for people I barely know, or care about.
Comment by Kshaw — November 27, 2009 @ 9:06 pm
A friend of mine organised 7 friends to make little stocking stuffers for each others children. We make 12 items each (there’s 12 children to us 7 mums) then the organiser mum is going to collect them all and send them out. So I will end up with 6 home-made stocking stuffers for each of my 2 kids that they will not have watched me make. I’m making felt mermaids, dragons and little felt balls with bells in.
For relations we bought Christmas cards from our local Oxfam shop with Aboriginal art on them and we picked out little $2/$3 Christmas ornaments from around the world (India etc) at Fair Trade prices.
For next Mon night we’re going to go online as a family and choose some gifts at Oxfam, World Vision and Living Water International (thanks cwc for the link to that one) and buy things like chickens and mosquito nets and seeds etc.
Comment by Maureen — November 27, 2009 @ 9:38 pm
mermaids etc
Comment by Maureen — November 27, 2009 @ 9:46 pm
Festivus for the Rest of us!!!
The holidays don’t officially begin at my house until the Festivus Pole goes up in the front yard. Gifts are given (used and ridiculous, of course) and my Festivus sweatshirt is worn all day. All month I greet others with “Happy Festivus”. I carry nickels in my pocket and anyone who responds appropriately is given a high five and a shiny new nickel.
Hey, whatever it takes to get through this hectic month!
But seriously, I am scaling back again this year. I dislike shopping very much under any circumstances.
Comment by numi — November 27, 2009 @ 9:53 pm
We only give to the kids now. Years back, when we couldn’t afford to give to relatives, I baked cookies. They were universally well received and I thought everyone was just being kind. Yet, when we were making more money and I switched to buying for people, there were complaints all around about not getting cookies. So, back to cookies, stockings and the teenagers have been switched over to cash.
We all really enjoy making care packages at this time of year for military friends. They are so happy to receive them.
I don’t really care for the going overboard on the gifts- it’s more like everyone is trying to outdo each other and I’m much happier not exchanging.
Comment by Kimberly — November 27, 2009 @ 10:03 pm
#17—I’ve been tempted to officially celebrate Festivus for a while now. Gathering around a dinner table for an Airing of Greivances followed by some Feats of Strength sounds very cleansing.
Seriously…I hate gift giving occassions because I hate shopping. It’s like whenever I enter a store, I forgot everything I know about the person I’m buying for. Poof. My memories are erased. I spend an eternity wandering around, looking at anything and everything, wondering “would s/he like this? What DOES s/he like anyways? I don’t even know anymore!” And then when I get close to buying things, I stress about the price. Am I spending too much, too little? What am I saying by what I’m spending? Do I look cheap, thoughtless, etc? Gift buying is a miserable experience from beginning to end. Unless there’s a registry involved. Oh how I love gift registeries. Then I know there’s no possible way I can mess it up, because this item is EXACTLY what they wanted.
My philosphy is that I’d much rather give and receive gifts of time. I’d rather say to my loved one (or my loved one say to me) “happy birthday! Let’s go see a play!” or “Merry Christmas! Come to my place and we’ll talk over a nice dinner.” The memories of spending time with people I love are greater quality and longer lasting than anything anyone could ever buy or make for me (though I think after gifts of time, homemade gifts would have to be a nice second, largely because there’s a gift of time involved in creating them).
I will admit that my Inner Five Year Old still enjoys the occassional shiny gift wrapped package to open up and see what’s inside. But the opening of a present is often more fun than the gift inside. =)
Comment by Phoenix — November 27, 2009 @ 11:07 pm
#19 Phoenix
A high five and a shiny new nickel for you!
Comment by numi — November 27, 2009 @ 11:13 pm
I agree that gifts bought just to check a name off a list are wasteful, but I also enjoy the look on someone’s face when I give them a gift that I know they truly wanted or will enjoy. So I try to strike a balance.
We have converted to “homemade Christmas” in our house. Each child gets one store-bought present. Last year we lucked out when one of them asked for a fish - cost a whopping $3. We are even going homemade with most of our other gifts as well, which I didn’t dare do last year.
This year we are homemade again, but I just returned from buying my 11 year-old a much more expensive gift than I would have normally gotten him. I am experiencing excessive amounts of excitement at the thought of his face when he opens the gift and guilt over the money we spent. (I have rationalized it by convincing myself that he is almost 12 and once kids start getting older they get more expensive gifts, by knowing that he will use it often and by reminding myself that that is the only thing we bought him.)
Comment by Eris — November 27, 2009 @ 11:44 pm
“Cheepitude”
Now there’s a virtue I can aspire to!
Comment by Mommie Dearest — November 28, 2009 @ 12:58 am
I tend to be one who thinks there is a balance here.
That said, we are opting for more on the side of family experiences (we don’t do big trips, so we have decide to do a few activities — a play together, ski lessons). I am tired of stuff anyway…just more to get broken, lost, or scattered on the floor.
One of the best things about not having a TV is that our kids don’t see ads so they don’t really know what to want.
Comment by m&m — November 28, 2009 @ 1:57 am
I think it’s very interesting but sad when people tend to equate homemade with cheapness. I am so humbled when I receive a handmade/homemade item because of the time, effort and often skill involved. Quilts are not cheap, jams do not make themselves, gardens don’t grow ex nihilo. I’d argue that homemade items often require MORE time, effort, and money than we think. Buying is easy.
As for kids, DH and I disagree about gift giving. He would buy everything on their list and finds it all completely pleasurable. I stick to more practical things and really research items for quality, fun quotient, etc.
I absolutely HATE feeling obligated to purchase things for others. It just sucks the joy.
Comment by Lupita — November 28, 2009 @ 10:53 am
m&m, us, too, except that my 5 year old saw a commercial at a friend’s house and wants a zhu zhu hamster pet. Those things are $50 just for the pet and more for the cage/accessories! They also appear to be a hot item and are going for even more on ebay. I think we’ve successfully convinced him to wait until his birthday to ask again (and hopefully forget). I kind of wish he’d seen more commercials to have more to choose from!
Comment by Stephanie — November 28, 2009 @ 11:00 am
Last year we cut back on christmas. For all my siblings, we boxed up things we had canned- grape juice, jam, salsa, peaches. I felt a little bad about it (which seems funny now). Everyone loved it, and we’re doing it again this year.
For the gifts we do buy, I try to keep my eyes open all year for something that the person will really love. I’m not going to buy something just to buy something.
I usually get my parents a kiva.org gift certificate or a donation to Heifer International. They don’t need anything else. Although I sometimes make pie or a special family recipe batch of cookies for them.
Comment by Alliegator — November 28, 2009 @ 11:22 am
Counter argument to #10
But let’s say the giver could have found/given a gift that the recipient would have paid $10 for *and* still received the $4 worth of benefit. That’s $14 total benefit instead of the $12 benefit. $2 is still wasted. Under this counter-argument, what is really the problem is the social taboo against giving cash (or gift card) because then they could have received the full value of the cash *and* the joy. Best case scenario is when the giver finds something the receiver would have paid *more* for than the cost of the gift. How often does that happen? I cannot count the number of silly, pointless gifts I have received over the years. Gifts that show that the giver doesn’t really know me well. I can count the number of amazing gifts that really blew me away.
Ultimately, this all rests on how well the giver knows the recipient and can choose appropriate gifts. Also, most economists who oppose gift giving do agree that there are better models - some of which have been posted here. Donating to charity in the name of the recipient. Giving cash or gift cards. Using ‘wish lists’ and recipient input. As an example of the last, my mom takes each of her grandkids shopping on/near their birthday for clothes. Even the kids who are not fan of clothes-shopping (my son) look forward to it. They get input on the clothes. More importantly, they get one-on-one time with grandma.
Comment by Lon — November 28, 2009 @ 4:53 pm
Ultimately, this all rests on how well the giver knows the recipient and can choose appropriate gifts.
I agree. I think that’s the point (and I may just be repeating what you’re saying) and the reason why we mostly don’t give cash and gift cards. It’s because we want to demonstrate to the people we give gifts to how well we know them.
But to the point of the original post, I’m pretty bad at being sucked into the commercial approach. I almost always buy stuff to give, and probably do more of it than I need to, particularly for my kids. On the bright side, from the economic perspective, my wife and I typically buy stuff for them only after extensive discussion with them, so we only get stuff they really want. For other people, like siblings, they’re mostly generous enough to make wish lists, so I’m happy to know I’m at least getting something they expressed an interest in.
m&m, I like your idea of experiences over stuff. I’ve heard that approach but haven’t tried it. It sounds like a great way to cut down on the clutter. Certainly my kids often fight tooth and nail when my wife and I later try to get them to get rid of the toys they’ve outgrown, worn out, or just don’t care for anymore. So getting fewer toys in the first place might make the process easier.
Also, Lisa, thanks for the book suggestion. I’ve put Scroogenomics on my books to read list. I’ve heard the basic analysis (as Sam B. outlined) before, but I’ll be interested to hear what additional information will be added to make it book length.
Comment by Ziff — November 28, 2009 @ 6:23 pm
After attending too many birthday parties where the kid got bored with opening presents before they were done, my husband and I decided to limit gifts for our children. Each birthday they get one toy and one book; for Christmas they get one toy, one book, and (sometimes) something to wear. So far it’s worked out OK (they are 6 and 3). My parents usually get them something and so does my mother-in-law (not a lot of grandkids on either side).
My husband and I are usually pretty frugal about who we spend money on; neither of us likes shopping and we haven’t had much money so far in our marriage. We don’t buy gifts for our siblings or friends; thankfully my husband’s family does a sibling gift exchange where we just draw one person’s name. We usually get something small for each of our parents since they usually do a lot for us. I’m buying my parents a copy of the “Nobody Knows” DVD and we made my MIL a nice photo book using a coupon I got for a free one.
I agree that we need to be aware of why we are buying things and how much money we are spending. At the same time, I don’t think that reasonable gift-giving is a bad thing. For me, trying to do homemade would actually be more expensive. I have no craft supplies because I don’t do crafts. I thought about making something for my daughter, but it was honestly easier and cheaper to go down to Target and spend $35 on a Barbie house (but that’s her only present and I know she’ll play with it because she doesn’t have too many toys). I think that whether you make or buy something for someone, it should be done with sincerity and not just because you think you ’should’
Comment by FoxyJ — November 28, 2009 @ 10:11 pm
I just got back from Wal-Mart (no, I don’t like the store, but our kitchen flooded while we were on vacation and I had to replace something for cheap), and I have resolved not to be a Consumer this Christmas. To me, this doesn’t mean I won’t buy any gifts, though I am planning on making most. It means I can be satisfied with the same decorations I used last year, and not give in to the cheap, glittered, peppermint-scented junk that is now stacked on every end-cap. It means that I will make/buy my child one or two quality presents, rather than a bunch of cheap plastic stuff from the dollar store. My house will look festive enough without table runners, a new wreath, or that cute little pine tree thing I’ve been eyeing at Thai Pan Trading. I will use recycled materials as wrapping paper. I will not give in to the mindlessness, because I am more than just a wallet that needs to open frequently in order to keep this country’s economy afloat. The microwave bags sound great! Long live cheaptitude!
Comment by ifrit — November 28, 2009 @ 11:15 pm
For me, trying to do homemade would actually be more expensive.
That and sometimes it can be more stressful than beneficial.
That is *not* to take away from those who are giving from the heart and who have worked through the year (e.g., canning) to be able to give. (I’m seriously so impressed!) But I don’t think ‘homemade’ should be elevated to ‘the only true and right way to do gifts.’
(In other words, I think this kind of mentality could add to unnecessary guilt for those for whom homemade may be overwhelming, impractical, more expensive, exhausting, etc. To me, if there is a ’should’ about holidays, imo, avoiding unnecessary guilt or exhaustion to me is high on the list!)
Ziff, I just remembered that people have given gifts of time as family exchange gifts, too. Another great idea…if you can actually follow through.
Comment by m&m — November 29, 2009 @ 2:48 am
WOW!!! This post is almost a joke to me. Since I am a student and therefore on a very strict budget. I look forward to the Black Friday sales every year, because that means I can actually afford to buy gifts for others.
As much as I would like to make handmade crafts and jam, I spend an average of 60+ hours a week studying medicine, so I can become a good PA for all of you. So therefore what better day to get all of my shopping done, good prices, nice company, all done in one shot and then I can focus on my up and coming finals and 80+ hours a week of studying and not worry about all the money wasted on more expensive items and be happy my shopping is now complete.
Secondly I save a set amount of money each month for the entire year, so that when I go Christmas shopping I pay cash and what’s the difference, I’m sacrificing my hard earned money and time for my friends and family just like you are when making your jam and doilies. It’s just in a different way.
I do want to say that “moderation in all things -JSmith” is probably the best way to attack the holidays, not too much, but not too radical either, find something in-between. It seems to be that you don’t have much faith in peoples abilities to bridle their passions, but I have met many, many people who bridle their passions every day, even at Christmas time.
We need things like Christmas, because it’s a rare occasion where we can give to others and not just too ourselves (because that is what we do ALL year long).
Thanks for the stimulating radicalism! I think your heart is in a good place, but your actions are just a bit too extreme and judgemental of others, good luck. BYTW I do love receiving homemade jam, I honestly prize it above many other gifts (so you are giving a fantastic gift and I do wish I could do that too somtimes).
Comment by Mormon Female Med Student — November 29, 2009 @ 2:48 am
[…] Also, there was some harsh criticism of Wall-Mart’s Black Friday celebration, plus fMh Lisa arguing against consumerism. On the pro-Thanksgiving-weekend-tradition side, we have JulieAnn’s (backhanded) gratitude […]
Pingback by Sunday in Outer Blogness: Spirit of Contention Edition! | Main Street Plaza — November 29, 2009 @ 10:11 am
We try to keep holidays and birthdays VERY simple. I hate feeling obligated to buy stuff and more than that, I hate that other people feel obligated to buy stuff for me no matter how much I beg and plead that they save their money.
This year we’re giving calendars with photos of the kids to the grandparents and great-grandparents. I also bought my dad this cool old-fashioned tin sign I know he’ll like, and I made herbal bath salts for my stepmother. That’s all we’ll be doing.
We don’t give gifts to siblings or their kids, since we almost never see or talk to them anyway and don’t know what they like. I will not give a gift for the sake of giving a gift. I don’t care if that makes me cheap or a Scrooge. I just think it’s wasteful and impractical, and we can’t afford to be either.
I love the idea of giving jams and salsa, but so far we haven’t had the surplus. I’d like to do that in the future. As far as homemade is concerned, it’s true - some people don’t have the time, the initial investment for materials, or the talent or experience to make things by hand. All three have been true for me for most things, though I’m getting better.
For our kids’ birthdays, we generally give 1-3 gifts, usually homemade or one thoughtful store-bought gift. For the holidays we usually get them one very cool gift and we try to stick with homemade things for anything else or else we buy everything from etsy. This year our kids are getting a handmade fire truck from etsy and a recycled plastic tea set. My partner and I try to stick with just one gift for each other. Sometimes we don’t buy gifts at all, which is just fine.
Our families do try, but they just can’t seem to stop themselves from buying so much that our kids get wiped out from opening packages. Two years ago, we had to spread gift-giving over THREE DAYS because they’d get bored and just open gifts and set them aside. It was awful. If possible, if the gifts are just shipped, we open the gifts before the actual day and then have the day itself for gifts from us plus general celebrating. It’s much more pleasant this way.
I am anti-stress at the holidays. I just won’t be sucked into it. m&m is right - avoiding television ad campaigns helps a lot. So does avoiding shopping in brick & mortar stores altogether. (As much as I otherwise support localized shopping, it’s too dangerous at the holidays.) I go into an online store like etsy with a distinct idea of what I want and how much I want to spend. I find what I like, pay for it, and get the hell out.
Since we keep it small, we’re completely done with holiday gift purchases and it’s not even December yet. So we can have the whole month to just relax and enjoy, baking cookies and breads, visiting with my parents, my partner’s brother and sister-in-law, and some friends, making fabulous meals, and otherwise engaging in what I think the holidays should be about. A few minutes for gifts, then move on to the good stuff.
Comment by Chandelle — November 29, 2009 @ 10:54 am
For me this really becomes a problem with those obligation gifts. Not the family or kids, because those are somewhat easier to make good choices about, but all those damn office gift exchanges, white elephant holiday party exchanges, traditional exchanges with people you see twice a year. Those ones all add up in a serious hurry and it hardly ever works out to be something anybody wants. Plus, they’re obligated, so that means something else has to be sacrificed, which in our case is always gifts between me and Bear.
I’ve been the family scrooge for years. Our extended family did a cousin gift exchange their entire life, and then finally discontinued it after it morphed into this ridiculously complicated three generation gift bacchanal. I whined about this for years. I can’t even tell you the relief I felt when it finally disappeared.
My extended family has a “lets just have one more thing for the kids to open” attitude and the kids absolutely get bored before it’s over. We tend to stick to the “something to read, something to do, something to wear” model of gift giving, and then the rest of the family feels sorry for Atti and goes way overboard.
Comment by Reese Dixon — November 29, 2009 @ 2:20 pm
I should also say that I go WAY overboard on holiday decorations.
My attitude is that I want Christmas to be festive and a celebration, without it just being about getting stuff. So the inside of our house looks like we’re the Griswolds.
But I figure that holiday decorations are good for decades, and an abundance of gifts has to be dealt with every year.
Comment by Reese Dixon — November 29, 2009 @ 2:24 pm
Ha Ha, Reese 35 - I could have written that whole comment myself.
Comment by Stephanie — November 29, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
I am with you, Mormon Felamle Med Student. To be honest, I am a very lucky grant-awarded post-grad at the moment, but still, thrifty is in my bones! (I don’t go for cheap- I like a quality item at a good price so it is an investment that I can use for years rather than months).
I did a dual degree in undergrad, and one of the degrees was Business Marketing. Best thing I ever did but for the reason that when I shop, rather than feel manipulated into purchasing an item, I side analyse what the marketing technique is. Odd, I k now- but I get the same rush from figuring the marketing technique out as if I found a $5 bill in my jeans that I didn’t know about- so I avoid the instinct to purchse because I have already gained an intellectual and emotional reward of my own doing. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but hey- works for me.
Christmas sales and after Christmas sales are my survival and always have been. As are gifts- hand made is not something I have time for (but for maybe brownies in a jar if I am doing those in bulk). And largely, I purchase a Christmas books, etc. in January and save them to gift next December. I am still a consumer, in that I made a purchase, but being assued that my “Christmas shopping” is largely done almost a year in advance, and delighting in analysing the marketing techniques, I have a pressure-free giggle at the Christmas sales and delight in listening to the Christmas-pipped music in stores on Black friday as I case out my shopping goals for the January sales.
That being said, I have always been the kind of person that sincerely appreciates a bottle of shampoo or tube of toothpaste for Christmas (with soft-bristle brushes thanyouverymuch). I figure if you give the practical, then the reciever has some items they can knock off of their everyday shipping list so they can indule in something they want- in the January sales.
Have I been a post-grad for too long and slipped into shopping delusionment?
Comment by spunky — November 29, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
Lisa,
I love the microwave warmers. For the craft-retarded, would you mind sharing how you make them?
My family (siblings and parents) decided to do homemade and service gifts for Christmas this year, primarily because several of us have lost jobs or taken pay cuts. I’ve loved it, but I’m just not that creative. If I see something I can usually make it, I just have such a hard time coming up with the ideas myself.
I am making some reusable cloth ziplock baggies for my nephews for snacks, and a table cloth for my brother and sister in law, primarily because a friend gave me a bunch of her fabric she didn’t want.
But those are the only ideas I’ve had so far!!
Comment by Enna — November 29, 2009 @ 10:11 pm
I kind of have a different outlook on consumerism and I don’t think it is all bad but I know it is important to be smart about buying. I do agree it is important to keep it simple and to buy less stuff, but on the other hand our economy does need to be stimulated. Last week, I had so much fun shopping around my parents little town buying all my nieces gifts. I knew that these little stores suffer during the winter because of a decrease in tourism and I was glad I could support the local businesses. I had seen all of the gifts cheaper on Amazon but I k new it was better to pay a little more to help out the small shops in the town.
Comment by shannon j — November 29, 2009 @ 11:08 pm
I am loving this discussion, the back-and-forth has been enlightening.
I second Enna - I know it’s a relatively simple project, but I’d also love a how-to. Please? And Enna, reusable cloth ziplocks? do share
Comment by S.L. — November 29, 2009 @ 11:11 pm
Does nobody write out their Christmas lists any more? I, for one, am a huge fan of them.
After years of having people try to guilt me into not asking for or writing Christmas lists, I find that they still are the best way to go for teenagers and adults. My family has had too many Christmases where my relatives, who weren’t that close to us, spent way too much time and money getting us things that we didn’t want or need. My husband and I live in a small apartment, and another set of homemade pillowcases that don’t even match our bedroom is just clutter. Save yourself the trouble and buy one of the books off my list. Everybody wins.
I also think it’s okay to write long Christmas lists. It’s not that I expect to get everything on those lists. That would be ridiculous. It’s that I want you to have lots of options that fall under various price ranges. Also, that way I’m still surprised when I open gifts on Christmas morning.
I’m getting into the habit of asking my family members to make lists.
Comment by AllieKay — November 29, 2009 @ 11:25 pm
By the way, my husband and I don’t have any kids yet, so I was wondering what you all do for Santa gifts. Are they as big as regular gifts? Do you wrap them? Is it only stuff that will fit on the stocking?
Comment by AllieKay — November 29, 2009 @ 11:27 pm
32 ‘just like you are when making your jam and doilies.’ Uh, who said anything about making doilies?
*cough cough* And, since when do PA students refer to themselves as medical students? Are you serious? That’s news to me and the rest of the medical profession. But good luck with that. Sounds like you’re like soooo much busier than the rest of us.
Comment by Anonforthissnarkycomment — November 29, 2009 @ 11:44 pm
Oh the swapping of contempt, such a lovely Christmas tradition!
Perhaps my tone was off, and my ‘radical’ ‘judgmental’ evil side peeked out too much. Braw ha ha ha ha. (that is me practicing my evil laugh, one has to have standards, you know)
I may have sounded a tad too enthusiastic about my anti-consumerism, I’m not fundamentally against the purchasing of all gifts. And I understand that what people can do varies widely on circumstances. I happen to have access to lots of garden space and was taught gardening and food preservation and sewing on my mama’s knee, so my choices are a given for me.
But I truly truly don’t expect everyone to be like me. I mean really how lame would it be if everyone gave everyone else salsa for Christmas. “Oh look, it’s salsa. I wonder what’s in that other package, do you think it might be salsa? I wonder what Auntie Jean will give us, I hope it’s salsa!”
I love to buy presents for people when I know the exact right thing to buy them and I can find it for a reasonable price. My favorite is when someone says something like “oh I wish I had a . . . .” or “my . . . is broken, I wish I had a new on in blue” and I make a note in my head and pull it out later so I can fill a real need. What I hate and see as wasteful is the flopping around, dragging through a store, feeling obligated to buy something, with no clue, then buying some random dohicky hoping it’s not unwanted.
And I know I’ve done it before, it rarely works out well. Sometimes the right gift is obvious, and I go for it. But if it’s not I’m not gonna go out and gamble on the gift lottery.
Comment by fMhLisa — November 30, 2009 @ 12:23 am
And yeah, I’ll give instruction on the heat bags. I’m hoping to make them this week, maybe I can do a picture tutorial.
And I want the instructions for the ziplock baggies.
Another fun thing for school age kids is to make them little homemade cloth napkins for their school lunch boxes. My sister-in-law took my kids to a fabric store and let them each pick a fabric, but didn’t tell them what it’s for. She’s going to make each of them a napkin and a sandwich wrap. (the old sandwich wraps are a boring red/white check and on their last leg) Fast. Easy. Cheap. Practical. and I know my kids are going to love it so much.
Comment by fMhLisa — November 30, 2009 @ 12:27 am
#42, I think lists are great. I come from a large family (8 kids), and at Christmas we draw names, but still everyone gives to everyone for birthdays and for the nieces/nephews. It’s frustrating when a sibling doesn’t give ideas at all, or if they do, they give a list with say only 2 items on there….which inevitably means they wind up with 4 copies of that CD or book, or they don’t even get the 2 items they asked for because everyone figures everyone else is buying those 2 things. It just makes sense to me that to avoid stress for relatives who don’t live next door so don’t necessarily know the day to day things you might need/want, and also to actually wind up with things you do need/want, you make a list. And put enough items on there that if you do have a large family, you don’t set yourself up for getting duplicates (which always seems to make the giver feel bad, like they weren’t original enough or the specialness of their gift is somehow decreased by the recipient winding up with duplicates).
Comment by de Pizan — November 30, 2009 @ 1:24 am
Because I sincerely dislike shopping I make it into a fun day with my 13 year old granddaughter. Each year on the first Sunday in December we do a marathon shop-till-we-drop day. That includes lunch, laughter and some two-of-us time. Generally I can get most purchases made that day.
I do make a lot of my gifts but I too worry that they are not appreciated for the work that they took to produce. Except for the pj pants. Everyone gets funny flannel pants on Christmas Eve with a matching t-shirt. There would be mass rioting if I didn’t produce them. In fact, I probably could get away with no gifts other than those silly pj pants. I know that they are worn until theadbare. Compare that to the year that I gave full size quilts to everyone. Most have disappeared into closets or perhaps to the DI. (One of my biggest fears is to find one of my creations there.)
Get out your aluminum pole! Festivus is coming!
Comment by numi — November 30, 2009 @ 5:44 am
I like that Reese.
My family morphed from giving gifts to everyone in the family, to drawing names, to K-mart Christmas (cheap, $5 limit), to homemade Christmas–also gifting something found in a free-pile works. We’re not the craft sort so homemade is pretty much the equivalent to crap. It’s the lazy mans way! Full disclosure though, Santa did do some shopping. However, St. Nick refuses to step foot in a store during the month of December. Man’s gotta set some limits.
Comment by lache — November 30, 2009 @ 10:41 am
i really need a new krups coffee grinder. the last one crapped out in the middle of grinding some flax seed.
Comment by mfranti — November 30, 2009 @ 10:54 am
Hey, someone else that uses flax seed! My cheap $10 grinder has been going strong for about six years.
Comment by numi — November 30, 2009 @ 11:03 am
what brand is your grinder numi?
Comment by britt — November 30, 2009 @ 11:23 am
It’s a small Mr. Coffee. Works great for oatmeal, too.
Comment by numi — November 30, 2009 @ 12:41 pm
Glad to share!
I found a couple of different blogs, they all seem to do them slightly differently (here, here, and here)
Basically, you cut out a piece of fabric and a piece of something that is basically waterproof (and food safe!) and sew them right sides together. Flip it, right sides out, and sew velcro to the raw edges, so that when you fold it in half the velcro sticks together. With the velcro stuck together, sew up the two open sides (the other two sides are the fold and the velcro). Looks pretty easy, and you can probably finish up the edges nicely if you know how to do that sort of thing!
Comment by Enna — November 30, 2009 @ 1:30 pm
As my kids have gotten older we have moved them to the concept of experiences over things. This has worked pretty well for us. This year my oldest will be getting a day of baseball again. We let him chose the Twinkies game during the year and get some good seats (just beyond the outfield wall). That with eating out is not necessarily cheaper, but it does provide more lasting memories and leaves no crap to store or that can break or he will get bored with. If things are a must then I like consumables for the same reason I like experiences, nothing to store.
Comment by TStevens — November 30, 2009 @ 3:43 pm
I enjoy giving and receiving storebought gifts. We aren’t crafty people in my neck of the woods. As I get older, my tastes have evolved from AG dolls to shampoos to “really, a check for rent would be great.” As the oldest grandchild, and one of only three grandchildren, I definitely got stuff for Christmas, and don’t think that makes me commercialistic or morally weak, prima fascie. My future children are much more likely to get jewelry or CDs than jam or quilts, is all I’m sayin’. I think there can be room for all of us under the feminist umbrella–and really, the freedom to buy myself or someone else a jar of Bonne Maman jam seems like a feminist act in itself, the way technology like washing machines liberated earlier generations of women. If I’d rather spend my talents playing Bartok or doing the triple-step, instead of homemaker gift-y things, shouldn’t that be an option?
And Christmas is just modern Saturnalia in my mind. If we want to go all contemplative and solemn, celebrate All Saints’ Day or Pentecost or something. I’ll take my lavish lights and 1940s Christmas standards and insidious mall shopping, thanks.
Comment by Portia — December 1, 2009 @ 3:14 am
Well let me educate you “anonforthissnarkycomment”
PA school IS med school. I assume you do not understand that there are a few different routes to take in med school and the Physician Assisting program is one of them, a Masters in Science of Physician Assisting. I share many of my teachers with the DO’s, this profession is not considered a lesser field, just a different choice. Apparently you haven’t seen a PA before, that’s cool PA’s aren’t for everyone, but most people you talk to actually prefer them. We have a very rigorous school schedule and are extrememly well trained, especially in general medicine, where we are facing extreme shortages of physicians due to them wanting to specialize. I understand that the PA profession is a newer one and many people are still being introduced to them. This profession is in the top 10 jobs of America. Trust me when I say for any general medical issues and specialties a PA is a great ally. I’m sorry I offended you. I am extremely busy. A PA program is one of the most rigorous graduate programs out there. But, for a good reason, we are expected to treat and act almost as a doctor and learn this within 2 years. So when I made that comment, I meant that I have not time for anything other than school and sleep and husband. Not that others aren’t busy. Some choose to be busy with crafts or their children. I hope to someday turn over that leaf, but not now. Good luck with your attitude girl, I hope you are more open-minded about PA’s as you will run into many in the “medical field.”
Comment by Mormon Female Med Student — December 3, 2009 @ 12:03 am
I don’t know if anyone will find this helpful or not, but 3 or 4 years ago I happened across a little poem that goes “Something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read.” I have small children. I grew up in poverty and married into upper-middle class. I am frugal, environmentally conscious, and media savvy. Therefore, I do not like to overdo Christmas, but, growing up the way I did, I want my children to have happy memories of the holidays. My husband and I adopted that little poem as our gift-giving mantra. It works for birthdays and Christmas alike. We also set a budget per child, to further curb extravagance. Everyone else in our family gets one gift under $15. Neighbors and friends get baked goods and handmade gifts.
Comment by Kathy B. — December 6, 2009 @ 1:07 am
I have a different experience than a lot of people. Most of my family members have major needs. It is a little overwhelming at Christmas to realize all that they need and how little I have to offer. I used to buy them something they need to feel like I was doing some good. But, I’ve found that that isn’t very satisfying to either them or myself because they are still left with so many needs, and I am still left feeling that I didn’t do much good at all. So, I’ve changed to trying to find something that will really bring them comfort and make them feel loved. More of a luxury item that they wouldn’t buy themselves but helps them to feel better about themselves. Like a gift card to my mom’s favorite upscale clothing store. Sure, all I can afford to give is probably the equivalent of a shirt, but she’ll be able to pick out a really nice well-made shirt that will make her feel great while wearing it. I think that is what I am going for this year: stuff to make people feel good. Feeling good can go such a long way when life is hard. Anyways, just a thought. We have so blown our Christmas budget this year. Just so many people who need help and so much cheer to spread. I decided to just not add up the damage until next year.
Comment by Stephanie — December 11, 2009 @ 7:57 pm