Dear fMh: How are you empowered in the LDS Church
This post is meant to highlight the good things about being a woman in the Church . If you want to debate the topic, I ask that you hash it out on one of the other threads. Thanks.
By: Kalola
I’ve been struggling lately trying to return to full membership in the Church. Long story short, I have not been a member of record for almost 30 years! Why, after all these years, would I want to return to full membership? Because women are empowered in the LDS Church. You read correctly … women are empowered in the LDS Church. Let me explain.
I was christened and confirmed a member of the Lutheran Church. I had some wonderful experiences while I was an active Lutheran. But something was missing. Each Sunday my mother and sisters and I sat in the pew listening to the pastor give a sermon. No one from the congregation was ever invited to be a guest speaker.
I joined the LDS Church in March 1972. I was 19 years old. My future DH was LDS and he was the one to baptize me. Imagine how stunned I was to find that in the LDS Church everyone has an opportunity to speak. And callings? I was totally amazed when I was called to be second counselor in Primary, as well as Targeteer B teacher and then Social Relations teacher in RS. I definitely was no longer sitting silently in the pew. This to me was empowering.
Have you felt empowerment as an LDS woman? Please share your experiences
I have been a missionary, a Gospel Doctrine teacher, and visiting teacher. I have spoken in church many times. I have a chance to give my testimony in front of everyone every month.
One of the things I love about the LDS church is that on a local level, it is all volunteer. If people in the congregation decide not to do their callings, then it’s over - nothing happens. I love that building the kingdom of God isn’t an abstract concept - it is done every time I go to church and reach out to someone I don’t know, and every time I do my visiting teaching.
Building the Kingdom of God has to be done every day or at least every week. It’s like every week we have to rebrick the house and restring the lights. I love that I am part of it, and I’m needed. Visiting teachers are the RS prez’s and the Bishop’s hands - they can’t be everywhere, so the work is divided, and everyone is needed. I just love that.
Comment by Katie P. — March 18, 2010 @ 5:25 pm
love it!
Comment by mfranti — March 18, 2010 @ 5:30 pm
I grew up being really shy. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten a little bit better, but what really helped me the most was a calling where I had to go to lots of different people’s house and meet with them. It was terrifying at first, and I made the other person do all the talking, until one day I realized, “I can do that”.
Church service has made me much more confident of my abilities.
Comment by Alliegator — March 18, 2010 @ 5:33 pm
It took me a while to think of something, but I would say it has empowered me because of ward choir. It has given me an opportunity to share some of my talents (even if they aren’t as extensive as others).
Comment by Keth — March 18, 2010 @ 5:40 pm
Kalola, I am delighted to see a guest post by you! I’ll comment more later when I get the chance.
Comment by Stephanie — March 18, 2010 @ 5:53 pm
love your thoughts Kalola! and welcome back. i look forward to the comments you’ll inspire. ♥
Comment by Blue — March 18, 2010 @ 6:00 pm
My three year old daughter has had a chance to stand up in front of her peers and speak publicly, as well as pray publicly — there are few other places I can imagine three year olds getting in front of 50 people (including adults) and speaking. This was very much an empowering experience for her.
I have gotten to know people I wouldn’t have, organized events I would’ve never imagined spearheading, and getting involved in service I would’ve missed out on. I’m a confident public speaker, and I believe a big part of that is due to my frequent opportunities to speak and teach in Church throughout my life. There have been several opportunities that I equate with empowerment that have come through my Church service and membership. My grandmother was a very shy, reclusive woman when she was first married at 18 — throughout her adulthood she held great positions of leadership and influence and became a very effective public speaker (including several Stake Conference and even bigger venues where she spoke often about her experiences of raising a mentally challenged child in the 60s and 70s). She often expresses her gratitude for the responsibilities and opportunities that came through the Church that made her the confident, strong and amazing woman that she became.
I also feel empowered as a mother, because I personally believe no other person on this earth is as entitled or as able to receive revelation for my children than me.
Comment by Hil — March 18, 2010 @ 6:01 pm
as a woman in the lds church,
i have the power to influence, through my example, the young women in my neighborhood. I also have the opportunity to love and care for those young women when it seems –to them– like no one else does.
i have the good fortune to know the names of 80% of my neighbors and have the opportunity, if i choose, to serve them and their families.
I have been supported in every way as a working single mother by my church leaders and fellow ward memebers because motherhood is an important job.
hmmmm…there’s more i just have to remember them. i’ll be back.
Comment by mfranti — March 18, 2010 @ 6:14 pm
I am 18. I do not yet consider myself a woman, but already I have spoken in church probably more than six times. I’ve already been the RS secretary, Laurels class president, Mia Maids and Beehives second counselor, and I’m currently a VT supervisor. I was a youth leader my last three years of girls’ camp.
I love that the church offers callings not only to women, but to youth as well. We’re given a lot of responsibility to lead and teach each other.
I think it was two years ago, maybe three, when the Olympia area flooded. All members were encouraged to go and do the dirty work of digging stuff out of the mud and distributing food, water, and other essentials. My dad took me, my younger sister, and my younger brother. We helped for long hours. I think this kind of thing is very empowering, no matter your age or gender, and the church offers lots of opportunities to help, because sometimes you want to help but you don’t know where to start.
Comment by Amanda C — March 18, 2010 @ 6:29 pm
Both men and women are called on to speak in Sacrament meeting, so you’re just as likely to hear a woman “preaching” in an LDS church as a man. I’ve long considered this to be one of the things that the LDS church does much better than most Christian churches, and I think that’s a beautiful thing.
Comment by Ms. Jack Meyers — March 18, 2010 @ 6:32 pm
“… women are empowered in the LDS Church. You read correctly … women are empowered in the LDS Church. Let me explain.”
Interesting that you made a statement, reasserted it, then felt the need to offer an explanation to persuade others to believe it. Why?
I won’t debate with you but I would love to have a reasoned and respectful discussion with you about both sides of the issue. I have a mother and sisters who have served as presidents and teachers in every auxiliary. … Let’s just say my observation is very different from yours. But my sincere best wishes to you in your new journey back into the LDS church.
Comment by Jennifer — March 18, 2010 @ 6:34 pm
I love RS. I enjoy getting together with the diverse women in my ward and working towards a common goal on humanitarian projects and the like. I love seeing how phenomenal women are at getting things done…and getting them done well. I like the way leadership and callings rotate, giving different people the opportunity to bring their specific talents to the table. I also like the fact that women speak in Sacrament Meeting. There are very valuable experiences within this faith- it’s why I think it’s worth sticking it out over the bumps.
Comment by Kimberly — March 18, 2010 @ 6:59 pm
I wish I could express all of the feelings I have in my heart about what I find empowering in the church, but I actually find RS to be empowering. Not sitting in RS every Sunday (although sometimes that can work), but combing my female voice with the voice of many women in my area, and in my ward. There is just something special, and powerful, and absolutely lovely about women gathering and lifting each others burdens.
Not the fake, oh something is wrong, call me if you need anything, but the real compassion, the true love and support that only a woman can give a woman. What’s cool is that it is encouraged in our religion, and to me that is so powerful. I love women!! This year has been incredibly rough already, and it has been the many wonderful women in my life that have lifted and supported me, and loved me. How can that be bad?
Comment by Sunshine — March 18, 2010 @ 7:07 pm
I have given countless sacrament meeting talks, taught RS, YW, nursery, and gospel doctrine, been in the stake YW presidency and the ward RS presidency, been a visit teacher, a full-time missionary, and a nursery leader. Those are all learning and leadership opportunities that I wouldn’t have had without the church.
Ironically, I think most of those experiences have had a role in making me the headstrong feminist that I am. And I guess that’s a good thing.
Thanks for helping me look at the bright side.
Comment by the milk (of the gospel) — March 18, 2010 @ 7:25 pm
Unfortunately, I haven’t been feeling the sisterhood very much lately, but I think it’s great to be reminded of all the good that is available for us to do if we want to take the opportunity. The grass isn’t always greener…thanks for the great and simple reminder.
Comment by corktree — March 18, 2010 @ 7:25 pm
I love this thread! It makes me feel so good reading all these.
I feel empowered that in 5 years Ive been asked to talk to my ward, to the women, to new members, to teenagers, to big children, to toddlers, to college students, and to soon-to-be missionaries… Its helped me learn that I matter because of what I have to say, what I think, and what I’ve lived. I feel empowered that heavenly Father can call me to jobs He knows I would be good at. I feel empowered by my patriarchal blessing that separates my talents, motherhood, and my worth to the world. I feel empowered that after years of believeing in nothing, this church has taught me that Christ is real. I feel empowered every time I hear that it’s a blessing to be a stay at home mom, and that I am not less for choosing to not do more.
Comment by pdig — March 18, 2010 @ 7:41 pm
I appreciated the thought in the OP. I often refer to Mormonism as “do it yourself church.” It’s sort of like Andy Rooney and Judy Garland saying, “Hey, let’s put on a show!” only it’s “Hey, let’s do church!” As a result, there is a tremendous amount of participation and leadership by women as a part of that.
Comment by Kevin Barney — March 18, 2010 @ 7:51 pm
I found that giving a talk was quite empowering. I think Mormons have an advantage because public speaking happens.
Comment by StillConfused — March 18, 2010 @ 8:31 pm
I’ve noticed that women do a lot of the serving in Family History Libraries.
Comment by Mike H. — March 18, 2010 @ 8:32 pm
Love this thread! The restored gospel empowers me enormously. First of all by telling me who I am and teaching me that my choices and actions really matter, that I can change the world by my decisions and efforts. Before I realized that, I just sort of drifted. Now I’m galvanized and feel personally responsible to make the world around me a better place.
Next by showing me that my hands are here to do the work of my Heavenly Parents, and that no other work can be as thrilling, as fulfilling, and as important as that. They know me inside and out from top to bottom, and they’ve got work in mind that I’m uniquely suited for, and that nobody else can do. They keep gently tossing it my way and prodding me to accept it and accomplish it. This has the effect of being excellent for me, for my growth as a person, as well as useful to the larger world, to others around me. It’s as though there’s a tailor-made training program designed to fill my gaps and strengthen my lacks, but also to accomplish the most important work possible.
And it’s totally up to me which tasks I accept and throw my heart into, or which I let pass me by. So I’m not being bullied or steamrollered in any way. It’s completely my own choice what work I take on, according to my own feelings of connection or ability. So nothing could be more ideal to meet my needs than the restored gospel. The church experience does its best to follow that plan, though it matches it imperfectly. But still things often click into place, sometimes things work perfectly, which is such a sweet feeling.
It teaches me how to deal with family issues, work issues, people issues in general. It gives me so much guidance on making everything go the way it’s supposed to go, so that much more of my life just works well than before I knew about the gospel. That brings good experiences and satisfaction both to me and to those around me. It makes me a better person.
Finally, the restored gospel that is conveyed to me by the church teaches me that I don’t have to be limited in my vision to tasks I can complete on my own. Before I knew about the gospel, every time I had a thought to try and work on big problems in the world, I would get discouraged by how little one person working alone can do, and mostly give up. Now, though, I understand that my hands are just one pair of many doing the work of my Heavenly Parents that will continue after I’m gone, and work simultaneously with me on many fronts at once. So I don’t have to do it all. I’m part of a team who will, absolutely will, succeed in time.
My efforts matter, but they aren’t the only efforts going forward. I know now that if I only do my part then together in time we’ll all accomplish great things. I feel a part of something far bigger than myself, something that will continue on into the far future. Perhaps the work I’m engaged in won’t be completed for hundreds of years but what does that matter? Hundreds of years are just an eyeblink in the world’s time. We’ll pass the torch on to those who come after us. Our work here is building on what came before, and will allow those who come after to build on what we’ve done in turn. So I feel inspired and encouraged and even thrilled to be a part of something so big and important that matters so much.
The restored gospel has given me a feeling of personal worth, a mission in life, and great fulfillment and joy. My Heavenly Parents and Christ’s atonement have healed me and made me whole. Without the church I could never have learned about the restored gospel. I could never have been this happy. I’m very grateful. I love it!
Comment by Tatiana — March 18, 2010 @ 9:01 pm
I’ve also been a little frustrated so this is a welcome kick in the pants for a change of mindset. I love that I’ve been speaking in church since I was a little girl which has unquestionably helped my confidence in public speaking. I also have the chance to develop teaching and social skills (I say chance to develop, no guarantees…) while in frequent interaction with a diverse group of people. All this can help me in my forays out in the world - pretty empowering.
Comment by Martine — March 18, 2010 @ 9:02 pm
Forgive me for not reading the comments first, but it seems to me that what you are really saying is that being a member of a religion with a lay ministry (as opposed to a professional one) is what is empowering, rather than that being a woman in this situation is empowering, since most of what you describe applies to any worthy adult, regardless of gender.
It’s still empowering, but your examples didn’t quite match your statement.
Comment by A Paperback Writer — March 18, 2010 @ 9:19 pm
Wow. Talk about perspective. This is a view that does make feel more empowered. Just another point where it is up to us to gather meaning. Being able to participate so fully does show how valued and blessed we are. Thank you!
Comment by Eneida — March 18, 2010 @ 9:52 pm
I’m enjoying this thread.
Amen to that, pdig. I also like that you mentioned patriarchal blessings. I feel empowered knowing the instructions from my blessing to accomplish a specific work the Lord wants me to do.
I feel empowered that I can read the scriptures, understand the scriptures, expound on the scriptures and teach what I have learned to others - in callings, in Sacrament meeting, in testimony meetings. There have been so many times that I have learned truth myself and then shared it with others.
I also felt very empowered as YW President. I know I made a difference in the lives of a few girls, and I will always be grateful for that opportunity. I also felt empowered in ward council in one of the wards I was in - the one where they Bishop would throw out a question he was pondering over to the whole ward council and then say, “Stephanie, what do you think?” It wasn’t under my stewardship, but he valued my opinion. I never felt anything less than valued and respected in that ward.
Comment by Stephanie — March 18, 2010 @ 9:56 pm
I haven’t read through all of the comments, but I want to say how much I appreciate the sharing of experiences of empowerment women feel as members of the LDS Church.
Comment by Kalola — March 18, 2010 @ 10:00 pm
Thanks for this thread. THESE are the reasons I stay, though I’m not truly certain of what I believe at this moment in time I do know that I’m valued in the LDS church and that I feel a sense of community here. I also know that every week I am given the opportunity to serve… even if it is just feeding the missionaries.
I know that if I stop attending someone will notice, that I will be missed… though it’s not what I would usually call empowering, it is nice to know that you are noticed and not just one more face in a sea of faces.
Comment by April — March 18, 2010 @ 10:09 pm
I was just talking to my husband about this last night, I feel empowered that the church places such value on motherhood that it encourages men to be the sole provider. Of course I like the modern version of this, where the choice to stay at home is up to the woman (assuming of course that the husband can provide on his own which is hard to do). I don’t know if this making sense.
Our conversation started because he was telling me about how he was in a class with a fellow Mormon med student of his, it was a small group session, so the professor was asking them all questions to get to know them. When she found out that this man’s wife was a SAHM she acted very rude and condescending about it, DH definitely got the message from her behavior that she was making a lot of assumptions about what kind of man and husband he was because he was Mormon.
And this just got me thinking, isn’t the fact that he is willing to support her staying at home and not contributing financially freaking awesome? If that is what she wants, then the men that support this rock, they are sacrificing a lot and they are willing to work extra hard to make it happen.
Still don’t think I’m making any sense. Oh well, it’s late and I’ve got PMS brain. It’s real, I get stupid one week every month.
Comment by Roxanna — March 18, 2010 @ 10:29 pm
Roxanna, you sound pretty smart to me. That’s a great point that our culture is really helpful for those women who feel called to be stay at home moms.
When my brother and I were kids, I remember him saying that he wished he were a girl because he wanted to stay at home with the kids when he grew up.
I think for people who do prefer to be a stay-at-home parent, it’s definitely a blessing to have a spouse who supports that. (I do think it’s especially nice when that goes both ways and either spouse is allowed to stay home with her/his children.)
Comment by the milk (of the gospel) — March 18, 2010 @ 10:55 pm
#20 so true. Too many parts I like to specify!
#24 Stephanie, what a cool bishop! I keep meeting more and more of them like that. I love that those are the kind of men who our church’s boys are growing into, and that they are who are getting called.
Comment by pdig — March 18, 2010 @ 11:31 pm
I love this thread. It is refreshing and uplifting.
Comment by Rachael — March 18, 2010 @ 11:52 pm
Wow, this is so great to hear. I think that so much of having a lay ministry is empowering, as was said before. I also love specifically Relief Society and Young Womens, I love that we have this time together with women to talk and share our experiences that can be so greatly varied. I feel empowered when we sing “As Sisters in Zion” - “the errand of angels is given to women” - I so deeply believe that to be true, and is there a more empowering statement? I know what I want to be doing, and it is being in the “trenches” with the children, leading them to Christ, being with the young women, reminding them of what elect ladies they are becoming, singing the praises of a Wonderful, Councelor, a Prince of Peace.
Comment by Racy — March 19, 2010 @ 12:36 am
I’m a freaking goddess-in-embryo. Nothing in my life can break me because I know that one simple fact.
Comment by jen — March 19, 2010 @ 1:11 am
Love this thread.
I have learned an awful lot in the church, but I think overall the thing that is most “empowering” is Relief Society, particularly in the area of giving service. Sometimes it’s just amazing to see what a whole room full of women can accomplish and the comfort and love and goodness that can be spread around is incredible.
Comment by Alison Moore Smith — March 19, 2010 @ 3:39 am
32. Jen: Yes, realizing that I’m a nascent god is the most empowering thing of all! I can’t believe I forgot to mention that! You’re so right!
Comment by Tatiana — March 19, 2010 @ 5:47 am
I feel empowerment as an LDS woman because of the basic teachings of divine nature and the Holy Ghost. Growing up, I felt like anything was possible and okay for me as a woman because of the examples I had around me, mostly at church. Among my YW leaders were SAHM’s, working empty nesters, single career women, returned missionaries, working moms, older women who had never worked outside the home. But as I graduated form college, married, and became a SAHM, the message I received was that I had wasted my education, I was putting myself at a disadvantage for my later life. I was drawn to feminism as I looked for support for my decision. Wasn’t the “traditional” role I had chosen for myself just as valuable, even though there was no paycheck? Aren’t there other measures of contribution? And can’t I be given credit for making that decision? I felt empowered as I realized I had been given all the resources to MAKE A CHOICE (intellect, wisdom) and confirmation that it was a good choice. And all those women around me growing up had taught me that every Sunday and Tuesday, because they had done the same thing. They may have come to a different place, but it was THEIR choice. I have been taught and reminded my whole life that I am Heavenly Father’s daughter, He loves me and wants what is best for me, and I can know for myself what that is.
Comment by TXgirl — March 19, 2010 @ 7:35 am
I’ve noticed the very same thing in other churches, Paola. I’ve attended hundreds of protestant services with my husband who is a professional organist (we’re both LDS), and yes, if you’re not an ordained minister, you will very rarely if ever be heard from in church. The difference of course is that many of those denominations ordain women, but I have to say I much prefer the LDS model where we get to hear from everyone, even if the one presiding is always male.
Comment by Emily U — March 19, 2010 @ 8:18 am
I feel empowered knowing how much God knows and loves me. It empowers me to know that He has a mission for me and will help me accomplish it.
I love getting so many varied opportunities to serve and grow-some of which stretch me beyond my capabilities.
I love the opporutnities to speak and serve.
I lovethe organrized service and enoucragement of finding opportunities to serve on their own.
I love the support of motherhood.
I love the view of Eve not as weak, but purposeful and wise.
I like the church’s emphasis on self reliance-it’s very empowering to be prepared.
Thank you for all of your thoughts…these are great to read.
Comment by britt--and the brat — March 19, 2010 @ 8:49 am
But do you feel empowered when that scrawny 12 year old boy flippantly passing the sacrament has more institutional authority than you do?
Just wondering?
cje
Comment by cje — March 19, 2010 @ 8:53 am
Yes, cje, I do.
Because I have been endowed, and he has not.
I have been anointed, and he has not.
I have the privilege of wearing holy garments, and he does not.
I have had the experience of many callings, wherein I have served others and taught lessons, and given of my time and talents, and he has not.
I have gone through the pain and rites of motherhood, and never will.
I have given myself up in supplication and found that a mother’s prayer is powerful, and he has not.
Institutional authority? Phffft. I know what’s real, and I am not in the least bit threatened by a deacon. Are you?
Comment by meems — March 19, 2010 @ 9:11 am
I think that is a flat out misunderstanding of the priesthood and what it means.
Comment by jen — March 19, 2010 @ 9:15 am
Speaking of institutional priesthood authority, I encourage everyone to go and read this series on By Common Consent about Correlation. It is really enlightening. In installment 6, it says this:
That was in the 1930s. You need to read the whole series to really get it. But, to me, this shows that what we view as priesthood authority is more a temporal construct for the organization of the church than an eternal organization. It also was not “invented” for the purpose of men exercising authority over women, but to keep the church standardized. It’s interesting stuff.
Comment by Stephanie — March 19, 2010 @ 9:22 am
meems, he doesn’t. If that 12 yo were my son he would need to obey me-according to the institution. I would be the leader in my home, not him were we the two at home. Revelation would come to me for our family, not to him–he doesn’t have a bit of stewardship in that way. The power to pass the sacrament does not give him power over adults….it gives him the power to serve, to act in the name of the Lord as the Lord directs. So he can offer me the sacrament, as a servant of the Lord- he can learn the serve and help others. authority over? maybe some of the other deacons if he is called in that position.
He could help teach as in home teaching…but that doesn’t give him authority over the adults he teaches.
just silly
Comment by britt--and the brat — March 19, 2010 @ 9:44 am
I am entitled and expected to receive personal inspiration - talk about empowering! I am a Relief Society President and am amazed at what I get to do with and for women; the opportunities, the service, the learning, the growth!
My 15 year old daughter is a ward choir director. Her school choir director is giving her tips and is blown away that she has this opportunity at our church. I’m so thankful
Comment by shannon — March 19, 2010 @ 9:46 am
39
So your contention is that you have motherhood and he has…?(priesthood).
Because he can grow up and do all those other things you mentioned, but you’ll never get to pass the sacrament (maybe one day though.)
I just think it’s interesting to understand where empowerment comes from and where it doesn’t.
cje
Comment by cje — March 19, 2010 @ 9:57 am
Cje, were talking about that on the ask fmh what should I tell my daughter thread if you want to discuss it more
Comment by pdig — March 19, 2010 @ 11:03 am
I feel empowered when I serve with other women in the temple. Every time I’m there I’m reminded that while men and women have different roles and responsibilities, both genders have power AND authority. Both are blessed with divine nature.
I feel empowered when the Holy Ghost inspires and directs me as the mother of my children. In that role, I’ve been priveleged to inspiration that it would not have been possible for anyone else to receive in the same way.
I feel empowered when I follow the examples of Elaine Jack and Sheri Dew. How can you NOT feel inspired when listening to those (and other) amazing women speak?
When I am attuned to the guidance of the Holy Ghost, I feel more aware of my divine nature. What I am when compared to my male counterparts becomes much less important than the incredible fact that I am what I am.
Comment by jodycake — March 19, 2010 @ 11:20 am
I think empowerment is colored by perspective. What is empowering to one sister may be viewed as a slight by another.
When I joined the church 16 years ago, the mother who raised me to be an ardent feminist, was horrified at my choice. I on the other hand felt I had found a true church - the one where Heavenly Father recognizes that women are every bit as valuable as men - no more, no less. It is only throught the lens of humankind that this truth is skewed. I’ve believe Jesus was one of the earliest feminists. I find that empowering.
Comment by Annastasia — March 19, 2010 @ 11:32 am
I love the doctrine of the church that teaches that regardless of the percieved roles of men and women in the church today, the end result is equality - we both get eternities to create worlds together. There is no glass ceiling for merely being a woman in the celestial kingdon. That empowers me to know that my choices count and my actions will take me closer or further away from that goal.
I’m empowered because I am a daughter of God. His actual spiritual offspring. My relationship with Him allows me to recieve revelation for myself about what to do with my life.
Comment by belle — March 19, 2010 @ 11:39 am
I’ve had opportunities that would never have come my way if it weren’t for the LDS church.
When my children were in school it empowered me in my relationship with the administrative staff and teachers because I knew that my children were my stewardship and that I had the right to inspiration about what was best for them.
I have gained confidence and courage to speak up when the need arises because of the things I learned as a youth.
Its teachings led me to a man who believes women and men are equals. Sometimes, too equal. It makes my life meaningful in more ways than I can count.
Comment by Claudia — March 19, 2010 @ 11:40 am
Annastasia, that’s beautiful!
Comment by pdig — March 19, 2010 @ 12:21 pm
Coming in late. I didn’t think I had an answer because after seeing this post I had to think and think about what makes me feel empowered. I finally realized…nothing.
The church does not make me feel empowered. And it’s not even due to gender issue, it’s just that empowerment is not what I am finding in the church right now.
It’s not what I am looking for there either, so it’s OK.
Comment by zaissa — March 19, 2010 @ 2:57 pm
The Restored Gospel has empowered me in so many ways! In the first place, it gave me courage to be baptized in the face of social and familial opposition, and it gave me commitment to God FIRST. This meant I could walk away from many of the temptations of the world, including…being popular with the world. It helped me true to myself. I learned early where my validation and salvation would come from. I was given the gift of discernment in a blessing early on, and that has been wonderful on a personal level.
The gospel made me nicer, more thoughtful…less sarcastic, selfish and cynical. Ok, softer, open…. in a good way. I think about others, and how they feel, and try to be a safe person for people to share their life experience with, without judgement. This has helped me in my callings and life in general. It has made me much more compassionate. I understand trials in a different way than I did before, and have seen how good things can come from bad. That empowers me to see the bigger perspective.
In our church, you really just bloom where you are planted, and grow because of that approach. I like that women speak every week, and are leading out in teaching. Women are encouraged to become gospel scholars. We are not kept silent. I love being part of the worldwide sisterhood, and the good we do in the world. Humanitarian service is amazing.
I also like that I could find a church home anywhere in the world…even if that meant my own home, due to lack of a ward or branch. That empowers me in that I feel secure. I also feel empowered to face the trials and things that will come in the last days. As a mom, being prepared , as a general and specific teaching, has given me confidence to know we can face whatever comes, and I will be able to work hand in hand with my husband. I don’t make the protection and preparation of our family solely his job. Spiritual preparedness is the foundation, but home storage, and principles of finance the church teaches is peace giving too. Learning provident living has meant we got our education, worked on careers, stayed out of debt, sacrificed some wants, and focused on needs.
Spending a day with bulk food, a room full of laughing women, a canner and an impulse sealer empowers me. I had no idea such a thing was possible. Really, this sounds silly, but it is true. ( Tiring but exhiliarating!)
We teach our children good principles , supported by activity in the church, and then watch the blessings continue on in their own marriages and families. When trials come, and they certainly have- they act in faith. They are so grounded. It amazes me. I am so grateful to be led by a prophet of God.
Practical, creative, social, and parenting/marriage skills learned in my time in the church ( especially RS) has been empowering in innumerable and very significant ways…
I found that I could learn something I had never even heard of ,and then teach others, which is a good model for a life of self-reliance, and service. I have served in so many callings that initially I felt unprepared for, and with each one, I was stretched and grew to love both the opportunity and those I worked with and for. I have served in leadership and in teaching and other supportive roles. It has been wonderful to have the achievement day girls I worked with now be my RS sisters!
It made all the difference to me to understand my relationship to God…and especially to know more about his NATURE….and that He knows me personally.Being involved in family history has empowered me in ways I would not have imagined. It has been mindboggling to get to know my ancestors in the ways I have been able to…many miracles. My patriarchal blessing is specific to me, although I had never met the patriarch till the day of my blessing. God knows me!
The gospel has given me the idea of truly loving God enough to want to be like Him, to serve Him, to please Him makes me a better me, and brings me JOY. Visiting teaching is an ongoing challenge and blessing. It is an amazing program that empowers each of us to do big things in small ways, one sister at a time. We are the Lord’s hands.
The church has definitely empowered me as a mom…if I had not had the gospel, I likely would have only half of my children, and would not have been as close to them, or been there at the crossroads for/with them. FHE empowered me to teach my own children more regularly, and the spirit prompted me on what was needful to teach. I felt valued in what I was doing with my children day to day, and that I was teaching what I believe to be THE TRUTH. That is amazing.
I felt especially empowered being the mother of sons to teach them to aspire to godliness, to value women, and aspire towards being worthy priesthood holders, kind productive husbands, and participating fathers. When I saw my sons passing the sacrament, yes I felt empowered, that as their mother, I had steered them in a good direction in life. They were on a good path, learning to serve others….learning sacred duty. Really, it is precious to me. My son with CP was able to pass and bless …his slow , unsteady gait, and later, his voice was music to my ears.
I taught my daughter her true worth and beauty, which is not the same as what the world would teach. That gave her strength during the years that could have been much more difficult. I felt her empowerment as she served a mission, loved a people, and learned to teach the gospel. Those things were not modeled in popular culture. Might, mind, and strength in serving God…powerful!
I felt empowered as the mom of a child with a disability to give him personal power and understanding of his worth no matter what ANYONE said, or thought, or did. He knows the bigger picture. It was the empowerment I had from the Lord that gave me the strength to handle the many tasks required of me dealing with the schools, doctors, and navigating the law. My experience teaching in church prepared me and gave me so much confidence to teach in the community, and serve in a broader context.
The gospel has empowered me in my marriage- because I understand I am in an eternal partnership with my husband, and us , together with God. We share mutual love, respect, and a vision of where this can end up, if we don’t give up! I am empowered to be true to myself in my marriage….I am encouraged to communicate my feelings and desires. I believe the church teaches correct principles about gender. Because I have faith and a testimony confirmed by the Holy Ghost that Heavenly Father has assigned the priesthood as a responsibility for men, I really don’t have to question my worth or value in comparison to them. That is empowering to me. Because of the gospel and my understanding of our differences, that the differences are meant for GOOD and are created by God, I can be happy being me, here and now, as a WOMAN. I personally do not have to wonder or worry over if what I have been given approximates or equals the priesthood. I feel I benefit and enjoy the blessings from it every day. I do not feel inferior or subordinate. I know I have priestess-hood in my future, if I am faithful. Eternity is a long time. The gospel gives me patience and perspective.
The church helped me understand the sanctity of being ONE with my husband. It helped put my sexuality in the right context. It helps me with cleaving, and leaving. This empowers to me to have appropriate relationships within my larger family.
Because I am sister to every other person on the planet, and am just as important, in the big picture…I have confidence and courage beyond what I would have had. I sat next to a Colonel last night and saw him as a person, as any other man. The earthly honors of men/women do not intimidate me. I don’t feel any other person is intrinsically better or more worthy than I , or I than them. The gospel is a leveler. I am comfortable with most people, no matter what their circumstances are.
Because the glory of God is intelligence, or light and truth, I understand the importance of learning, but also the importance of focusing on things that lead me to Him, not away from Him.
My time at BYU was valuable in empowering me as well. I couldn’t imagine driving across the country a few thousand miles to go to college. But I did it. I became appropriately self-reliant, because of the gospel. I had confidence I would succeed. I didn’t doubt myself. I knew that I could do things with Jesus Christ as my example, my rock.
I can become better in every way than I would have supposed before I found the church. I have done so much I never would have done. Employers, neighbors, school folks…notice something different about my family, and my children. I know what it is…and I am grateful for it. I and my son with CP were just contacted and asked by an amazing teacher ( Phd.) to write HER a letter of recommendation for an award for which she has been nominated . It has been over 5 years since she was his teacher.
I understand sharing, teaching, mentoring- because I understand my covenant to do so …to build Zion…to build others..to be positive, to learn, then teach…to grow and help others find their growth too. I am empowered by knowing the importance of those who came before me, I am grateful. I know my responsibility to those who come after me, I am prayerful. I love the temple and the amazing satisfaction I feel in being able to do that work…the love I feel there.
The gospel empowers me by helping me understand individuality- I don’t have every trait, strength, talent, or capability, but I can do as much as I can with what I do have…and that is good enough! I am not in competition with others. We all can win in life, by just doing our own part. I can do things I never thought I would be able to. Learning the importance of humility and the danger of pride has been important to me. Clear teachings of the gospel empower me.
The gospel empowers me to see homemaking as something of great worth, and of an eternal nature, as I nurture my family, am blessed to be able to feed them nutritious food, and help provide an environment that is even holy. The restored gospel of Jesus Christ has helped me see the world and myself -past, present and future- in a whole different way.
I already know this is long. This time I am not surprised. sorry as usual but …well…you know you are not compelled to ready my posts! Thanks for the discussion.
Comment by Melissa P. — March 19, 2010 @ 3:36 pm
Wow Melissa, that was great! Thanks!
Comment by pdig — March 19, 2010 @ 4:03 pm
Thanks for this post - I really needed it. All these wonderful comments are making me realize that I am giving far more time to my feelings of doubt than my feelings of fulfilment, empowerment, and enjoyment. I am pushing myself away from the church by encouraging my own negativity and squashing all the good feelings that brought me here in the first place.
I am empowered when I am given the opportunity to teach. I was asked to talk in sacrament 2 weeks after my baptism, and it made me feel so strong. It let me know that my story mattered. I teach the young women once a month and I love the feeling I get when I actually get through to them. I feel empowered when I am able to teach by the spirit and feel inspiration and promptings.
Church is also the only place where I consistently feel like my choice to marry at 23 and have our first child at 25 is actually seen as a choice, not some sort of accident. It is empowering that my husband and I were able to receive revelation for ourselves and our little family. It is empowering to have that revelation and the choices that came from it respected by our community.
And it is empowering to read comments like Jen’s (32) and know with certainty that they are true.
I love how those feelings of empowerment can help me ride out the times when something church-related makes me feel powerless or frustrated or small.
Comment by Emma — March 19, 2010 @ 4:23 pm
I loved your post. [edit] I loved your positive outlook!
Comment by Sonja — March 20, 2010 @ 12:40 am
“Women are empowered in the LDS church.” That’s a pretty broad blanket statement.
While I appreciate what you are seeking for yourself and want to create in this discussion - and will respect the request not to debate here, I would really prefer language like “There are ways women can be empowered in the LDS church.”
Anyway, as a teacher I found being encouraged to “follow the spirit” (as opposed to just relaying the info in the manuals) empowering to both myself and and the people I’ve taught.
Comment by venus — March 20, 2010 @ 11:57 am
I feel empowered because I know that Heavenly Father loves me personally and He trusts me enough to use my agency wisely.
I feel empowered when I talk in church or teach a class.
I felt very empowered as a missionary — I am grateful that I was given the responsibility of teaching, serving, leading, and creating.
I feel empowered when I am reminded that family and service are more important than money or worldly successes.
I do feel like my membership in the Church empowers me, but more than that, I feel empowered as a covenant woman in the body of Christ. The Gospel is empowering to me. Christ teaches us about love, respect, service, goodness, charity… (and the list continues). Better yet, I feel empowered when I know that I too have the ability to become like that.
Comment by Becca-Chan — March 20, 2010 @ 12:17 pm
I finally have a minute to come back to this thread. I think it is very important.
As a child growing up, I often had very little or no family support, and lived a very unstable lifestyle (moved 4 times my senior year of high school, on my own, for example). But it was this church, along with some of its amazing members and a few close friends, that kept me grounded. I find myself stepping away from a lot of my former beliefs now, but when I was a teenager, this church gave me the vitality and hope to LIVE. I was fully empowered to have a personal, intimate, life-saving relationship with the divine.
Additionally, the community provided by the church was always a network of support. Whether or not my dad was gone and my mother was in rehab, I had supportive adults telling me I was amazing, and supporting me in all my endeavors. When I worked so hard to accomplish something, and my family didn’t notice, my YW leaders would bring me the newspaper story my name appeared in, carefully clipped or framed. I grew up with an awesome sense of being a Daughter of the Most High, and for that reason, very rarely doubted my ability to accomplish anything I wanted to accomplish.
Then, as an adult, I had some opportunities to be more involved in the church. I was called to serve as YW President and a seminary teacher. I had the bishop on my speed dial. When I talked to him about my concerns, he really listened, and incorporated my ideas. Even though I was young, people respected my voice in my calling. I felt inspired to love and lead those girls, and I was supported in that endeavor in a wonderful way. In seminary, I built my own lessons, straight from the New Testament, crafting the message I thought the students needed to hear. I felt free to act according to my own inspiration. I felt like a meaningful force in the lives of kids who needed a hand up.
I sat in Ward Council meetings, and never once felt like my opinion didn’t count. I felt like an advocate for my girls. I was their representative, responsible for relaying their needs to the community, and people respected me in that capacity. It was incredible.
So even though I have a lot of gripes, I am still very conscious of the fact that this church has given me some amazing opportunities. It is precisely this past sense of empowerment that has kept me from walking away.
Comment by Hammie — March 20, 2010 @ 2:29 pm
What transformations have these “empowered” women wrought? How would I know they are “empowered”?
Comment by c.biden — March 20, 2010 @ 9:13 pm
About a year ago, I started thinking about how our ward, for the year I’d been in it, had had no plays, no talent show, no performances of any kind. I asked around and came to the conclusion that it just wasn’t something our ward did, which I found sad. So, after a few months of thinking about it, I finally had the guts to approach the Bishop. I told him what I thought. He said, “We were just talking about that in ward council this morning! Would you like to help?” Now I’m in charge of the talent show, and my husband and I both got callings to the ward Activities Committee.
As I started to plan, I discovered that the brother in charge of the Activities Committee was not happy with the idea. He had done a talent show before, and thought it wasn’t worth the work. He didn’t trust me to get the job done. While he had made it very clear that I was on my own as far as planning went, he seemed to object that I wasn’t checking in with him more.
When I decided we needed to reschedule the event, there were problems, culminating in my offer to talk to the Bishop’s councilors about it, and the other guy saying no, that was his job. Well, I didn’t trust him to tell both sides of the story, so I called on my own anyway. The response was great! The councilor told me that *I* was in charge of the show, that *I* should call him whenever I felt it was needed, and (in the nicest way possible) that the head of the activities committee was an old man who was used to bossing women around and that I shouldn’t be afraid to stand up to him. He talked to the Bishop, the activities chair, and the other councilor, and since then I haven’t heard anything but courtesy. I am really in charge. It might just be for a talent show, but several of us felt strongly that this show’s purpose was to bring our ward together, and that to share the talents God gave us. So, by my own initiative, and some struggling along the way, I am contributing to the well-being of our ward. I think that’s pretty darn empowering, and that LDS women as a whole should use the power we have more often. I’ve wondered if we might need to prove ourselves before being given more. We can’t just blame the men if we have no say.
Comment by ifrit — March 21, 2010 @ 12:40 pm
ifrit and Kalola this was a great topic.
Comment by Stephen M (Ethesis) — March 21, 2010 @ 4:15 pm
ifrit, that’s a cool story.
Comment by Stephanie — March 21, 2010 @ 4:38 pm
#58 Hammie:
Your whole comment #58 was great. Hearing that story makes me feel like there is a place for me in this church, and that I can help others and make a difference.
Comment by the milk (of the gospel) — March 21, 2010 @ 5:31 pm