Archive Sunday: Exhibitionism
As an unrepentant exhibitionist and someone who feels there’s been entirely too little of Janet around here lately, I chose this poem of Janet’s, originally published in November 2006.
Exhibitionism
modeled after “When I am Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple”
When I am a goddess I shall wear nothing
with ivory-peach skin and free toes which pad and don’t clatter.
And I shall spend my hours whirling
in the thin air of alpine meadows
(like Julie Andrews but less nun-like)
and raising goose-flesh on
bare arms at the grocery,
snatching cream pie and Breyers
and say I’ve no need for control top.
And I shall hold my shoulders straight,
ride the luggage return belt at celestial airports
and learn to whistle.
And then I shall fill a four-foot deep
tup with Calgon,
read Ovid and Ibsen,
lie like a cat in the sunshine
without apologies
for dimples and roundness.
And I shall burn barbies and
let my children dance at the flaming;
I shall cradle my guitar at my belly
like an italian lover,
suckle babies at my breasts
and tear those who hurt them.
I shall rename constallations,
ban calculus,
paint my toenails dandelion orange and
sing Tosca on the escalator
between bedding and housewares.
But now I must sort laundry,
match socks and let my nylons squeeze me like pythons.
I will skip double-dutch and braid thistle.
But maybe I ought to practice a little now
so people who don’t know me
are not aghast or offended
when I am a goddess and shed clothes like snakeskin.
i. love. this. amazing.
Comment by Kathryn — July 25, 2010 @ 6:19 am
As a teenager, Janet mowed the lawn barefoot.
I’m looking forward to telling her children about that one, and watching the “shoes are bad” belief fight with the “my baby should have all his toes” one.
Comment by Beth — July 25, 2010 @ 8:59 am
This is just what I needed today as I am helping my youngest daughter move and feeling bound by my old body, not to mention my inadequacies using the touch pad on my ipod. Awe but goddesshood sounds lovely. Thanks!
Comment by CatherineWO — July 25, 2010 @ 8:59 am
Beautiful! I feel like a goddess just reading this!
Comment by Leah — July 25, 2010 @ 10:16 am
I have to share this one.
Thank you.
Comment by Stephen M (Ethesis) — July 25, 2010 @ 10:21 am
Though serious, perhaps you should replace “ban calculus” with “teach calculus” …
Comment by Stephen M (Ethesis) — July 25, 2010 @ 10:22 am
This is absolutely beautiful! Thank you for sharing this!
Comment by Mrs. Wooddubby — July 25, 2010 @ 10:48 am
The banning calculus was a little sad for me *sniff*.
What does this line mean? “I will skip double-dutch and braid thistle.”
Comment by jks — July 25, 2010 @ 2:12 pm
Looking forward to goddess-hood.
You make it sound so good,I might just have to repent.
Comment by wayfarer — July 25, 2010 @ 2:45 pm
jks - double dutch is skipping rope with friends holding the two ropes….not sure about the braiding of thistle. Sounds painful, or an unfamiliar game.
Comment by ErinAnn — July 25, 2010 @ 3:01 pm
And being naked is very appealing to this uncomfortable prego in the heat of summer.
Comment by ErinAnn — July 25, 2010 @ 3:02 pm
Lovely. I take exception to banning calculus, though. I was hoping to be able to hang out with Newton and Pythagorus for lunch and stuff. I always thought they’d be really interesting company.
I had to reread it, though. The first time around, I thought I read “burn babies” and said, HUH? Then, I saw that it was “barbies” and that was fine by me.
Comment by Kimberly — July 25, 2010 @ 3:04 pm
now kimberley you know newton and pythagorus would never hang out with a GIRL, right? a goddess could learn them better maybe
Comment by nobodyputsbabyinacorner — July 25, 2010 @ 5:36 pm
Love this. Every time I go shopping and try stuff on, I want to shout “I HATE CLOTHES!” at the top of my lungs.
Being naked all the time would have its advantages. And disadvantages, I guess, like getting all crispy. But I suppose goddesses don’t have to worry about that. /rambling
Comment by Amanda C — July 25, 2010 @ 7:53 pm
I’m also thinkin’ that I hope my body is restored to celestial glory proportions before I’m running around in the buff. Puhleeease.
Comment by Kimberly — July 25, 2010 @ 7:56 pm
npbiac- by then, they will be enlightened men, and enlightened men will know there is plenty good in hangin’ out with the girls… anyway, if not, there’s always Ben Franklin or Abe Lincoln, who already liked hanging out with ladies just fine!
Besides, I’ll be in good company- I will be hanging out with Marie Curie, so, I could let her do the talking.
Comment by Kimberly — July 25, 2010 @ 8:03 pm
This is beautiful.
I, however, would prefer a toga for my goddesshood — but that’s just me.
Comment by A Paperback Writer — July 25, 2010 @ 8:51 pm
#13: nobodyputsbabyinacorner: Queen Christina of Sweden had mathematician & philosopher René Descartes brought to her Court to discuss such things! Too bad the winter there lead to his fatal pneumonia.
There you go. Her & the above Queen Christina are regarded as the most brilliant women in History. I’m sure there’s been a number of others, but male dominated Historians seem to have lost track of them.
I don’t know about banning Calculus; Let’s just find some people who can teach it in a way that can be understood!
Comment by Mike H. — July 25, 2010 @ 10:09 pm
Forget all this science and stuff, I’m going to be hanging out with Jane Austen and Oscar Wilde.
Comment by Amanda C — July 25, 2010 @ 10:35 pm
Love love love this! (And, since understanding calculus is one of the things that makes me feel most goddess-like, I’ll keep it.)
Comment by Libby — July 26, 2010 @ 9:46 am
Well, I’m probably going to hell- but at least I’ll get to meet Mark Twain.
Comment by Moniker Challenged — July 26, 2010 @ 9:56 am
Are you saying a sense of humor will send you to hell? At least we’ll be laughing.
Comment by IdahoG-ma — July 26, 2010 @ 11:04 am
It will still be funny when you are in hell!
Except for the naked part…. I do some of this stuff already…..BOO PANTYHOSE!!!!
Comment by AmazonaWomona — July 26, 2010 @ 11:42 am
I have been too busy to read or comment lately but this brought a smile to my face yesterday! Thank you!
Comment by Hillary — July 26, 2010 @ 7:17 pm
I have wondered if “clothed in white” might not mean “clothed in whiteness”. Just bright white light, no garment at all.
Comment by Bruce H. — July 26, 2010 @ 9:21 pm
bruce i have thought about that too! doesn’t it seem like heavenly father and all the angels just appear wearing loose robes? like they just tugged them on before making themselves visible so as not to shock the mortals? i think people are naked in heaven too..
Comment by nobodyputsbabyinacorner — July 27, 2010 @ 7:07 pm
I love this.
Comment by venus — July 27, 2010 @ 7:24 pm
I can’t wait! Count me as one of the calculus lovers, though. I’m really excited about understanding a lot more math in heaven than I do now, too. Math is positively celestial, so I’m sure it’s all over the place up there! Don’t worry, though. You’ll find it beautiful and easy to understand, I promise!
Comment by Tatiana — July 29, 2010 @ 4:05 am
This is delightful! I long to run naked through wildflower meadows! But I am too afraid of being arrested!
Comment by Two of Three — August 1, 2010 @ 12:23 am
19– I’ll be there with you and Oscar Wilde! Just before my lunch date with Byron and my dance class with Fred Astaire!
I love this poem!!! I think I might prefer a toga like 17, just because I get sun burn terribly easy, and it would be a little padding for my super heavy purse strap, but what a great poem!! So fully of happy and joyous thoughts and ideas, I can hardly wait!! Can we ban algebra too though?
Comment by Sarah L — August 1, 2010 @ 9:30 am